Too Many Thwarts

I am having another slump. I see a lot of people having a slump in response to it being March again, but I don’t think that’s it for me: this year March seems full of hope, and it feels to me like winter was shorter than usual and spring is already inevitable, and some people I know are already getting vaccinated, and there is a pretty good end in sight for all this. I expect I’ll be sending the kids back to school in the fall, and going back to work myself sometime between now and then. It’s been almost a year since I’ve seen friends, but it doesn’t feel like it’s going to be too much longer now until we’re all vaccinated and can go back to something that we’re going to appreciate the way we appreciate the washer/dryer/dishwasher after it breaks and we don’t have one for two weeks, except probably more than that and for longer than that.

My current slump is, I think, because I have been Thwarted by too many things all at once. There is the locked Target account situation, which still has not resolved, and I feel like it never will be. I hate seeing disputes with companies put publicly on Twitter, but I even tried THAT (because part of the reason I hate seeing it is because of the way it often WORKS, when companies OUGHT to handle things WITHOUT public shaming)—and all the Target Twitter account did was tell me to call the same number I’d already told them I’d called twice; when I said (AGAIN) that I had ALREADY CALLED THE NUMBER, TWICE, and that THAT WAS WHY I WAS CONTACTING THEM IN THIS NEW WAY, they said oh, okay, DM them my email address so they could look into it—and I did that, and they responded by telling me they were sorry I was having an issue, and they once again referred me to the number I’ve already called (TWICE).

So that is probably The Primary Thwart. I feel like Galentine’s Day is not just Belated but Ruined at this point: it’s MARCH. There is no sense in which the care packages can feel like a Valentine’s/Galentine’s thing at this point. A lot of the stuff I was including in the packages (Valentine’s Hershey Kisses, heart dish towels, heart stickers, heart socks, heart plates, cute mugs) has now sold out. And my own household pandemic-supply-acquisition system has had a serious disruption: I buy a LOT of stuff from Target, and I’m having to find other sources for those items, and THE MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC is NOT A GREAT TIME FOR THAT. The whole situation has taken something that was EXTREMELY FUN (as well as just a HUGE hit of Isn’t Humanity Lovely Sometimes??) and turned it into something discouraging and disheartening and frustrating that will permanently damage the joy I got from shopping at Target.

(Several people have suggested making a new account on Target. But I have the Target credit card, which gets me various discounts including free shipping and is presumably linked to my account; and also, if I got a new account, and started sending care packages again, presumably the new account would be automatically locked in the same way as the first one.)

The Secondary Thwart has to do with spider webs. This house has a large unheated/unliveable area, which makes the house LOOK impressive from the outside but is actually pretty useless: it can only be used for certain kinds of storage, because some stuff doesn’t do well in alternating temperature extremes; and since the areas are uninsulated with lots of cracks, bugs and mice and dirt/leaves and so forth can be issues. ANYWAY. My goal for while the weather was still nice and cold was to get rid of a lot of the spider webs/eggs that were getting out of control, and which I don’t want to try to handle when it’s warm and there are Live Spiders. This was not an appealing project to tackle, but I FINALLY made myself get out the shop vac.

And it was just an utter failure. Multiple outlets in the barn/loft were discovered to be non-functioning. The ones that did work were not located near the areas I particularly wanted to vacuum. And, worst of all, it just didn’t WORK: the vacuum cleaner got almost immediately clogged with the sticky webs. All I was really doing was using the end of it to swoop up masses of web, like a cotton candy machine. I’m sorry for the gross imagery, but it’s part of explaining the resulting levels of despair. I’d hoped that the vacuum just needed emptying or something, so I emptied it, and the dust and the tiny fragments of metal (Paul had used it in his workshop, as one might expect) just went EVERYWHERE, and stuck to my coat and my gloves; and the filter popped off and landed in the bottom of the deep garage trash can and I had to fish it out, and then I had significant trouble getting it to go back ON. And now I don’t know WHAT to do about the spider webs: I’d thought “shop vac” was the answer, but if it’s not, then what IS? I could just use an empty wrapping paper tube and have the same effect as the shop vac, so maybe I should literally do that—except I’d liked the idea of vacuuming up dirt and dust and leaf fragments and wood splinters at the same time.

Tertiary Thwart is the housework. I just can’t keep up with it. And Paul cheerfully/willingly does some, but he does such a poor job (not Differently than I do it, but literally WRONG, so that things are STILL DIRTY, and he doesn’t realize it and can’t seem to see it, and it’s been over twenty years and I’m done trying to parent him); and so then I still have to do that cleaning but I have to do it SECRETLY, like it’s a TREAT I’m sneaking, so that he doesn’t think I’m a bossy overcontrolling never-satisfied person who has to have everything done My Way! GAH.

And then I just feel like such a giant baby. I’m not even being thwarted in any kind of LARGE way. My rights of free speech haven’t been restricted. I am not unable to acquire food and essential supplies. My children have not been taken from me by a government. I just can’t currently shop at one (1) store I’d like to shop at; I am a LITTLE afflicted with spider webs; and I have to clean my own house—and here I am, listlessly reclining on my Desolation Couch.

61 thoughts on “Too Many Thwarts

  1. Crys

    I’m so terrible sorry about the thwarts. They all sound horrible. And preventable if only people would be more… competent! Ugh.

    Reply
  2. Liz

    Those three things in tandem are not just frustrating, they are FRUSTRATING.

    Can I make a suggestion? If suggestions are welcome, I’m making a suggestion, and I will put it in brackets at the end of my comment so you can ignore it, if suggestions are NOT welcome.

    I can totally hear you on how Target may be ruining the fun you get from ordering from Target forever. Every time, you’ll have that little voice in your head wondering if they’re going to shut you off again or thinking about how they screwed up Galentine’s Day. There’s no fixing the damage they’ve done to your relationship with them as a customer.

    [Put Paul in charge of getting rid of the vermin in the storage space, since that is a time-consuming thing you don’t have energy to trouble-shoot and he seems like a trouble-shooting kind of person, and you won’t resent him for making you do it over again but in secret. Be sure he understands that the vermin can not be merely transferred from the storage space to be a surprise spring eruption from the vacuum cleaner]

    Reply
  3. Alyson

    Oh, the last part. My life is the last part. I HATE IT.

    Here’s my suggestion: what if someone here, who is a take no crap, likes talking on the phone person, called Target FOR you. I realize there are some pitfalls here, because it’s your account with your information. But right now the whole thing is useless. And I’m fairly certain one of us (who is absolutely NOT ME, although if you want me fired up, I could do it this might just make me the right level of fired up.) just LIVES for this and would LOVE to use their skills to help you, much as those who donated for galentines wanted to do something nice with/for you.

    Also, I think recipients will like their st. patty’s mugs, their spring mugs, their non-seasonal but equally delicious candy, etc. Surprise fun is surprise fun. I feel you on the “But the plan was specific surprise fun!” and target has definitely made that impossible. BUT they cannot steal all the surprise fun.

    Reply
    1. Alyson

      Oh, the stick/wrapping paper tube, banged off outside, sounds like your best bet for the webs. Older boy children also seem very well suited to this. Are they tall?

      Reply
    2. ccr in MA

      I like this idea! I once took a tech-savvy friend with me to the cell phone store so that she could translate what they said, and advocate for what I wanted, and it was such a blessing to have her there.

      The spider-collecting-paper-towel roll-wand idea makes me think of the scene in Shrek. It definitely sounds like a good job for Paul.

      Reply
      1. Rini

        It’s times like this I remember how much I ADORE your tagline here. You acknowledge your luckiness, but also, these things just really suck! Anyway, I always read and never comment because you always have so many so lovely comments, but I guess I’m early enough to overcome that anxiety today. <3

        Reply
    3. Maggie

      I love this idea and am reminded of the time many years ago when my friend who is an extrovert and a litigator and, therefore, not only has the desire but also the skills to tackle difficult situations on the phone, handled an insurance matter for me. It was honestly one of the nicest things any one has ever done for me as a adult and she got a kick out of it.

      Reply
    4. Shawna

      Wait, can’t Paul take care of straightening things out with Target? You could be there when he calls and verbally authorize him to act on your behalf, then set him loose, no?

      Reply
  4. Anna

    I know that my husband’s solution to the target situation would be to call every day and make himself a nuisance until they sort it out just to get rid of him. And this absolutely does work, but you have to be the kind of person who is willing to do it, and I am 100% not, and I don’t think you are either. So. I can only empathise with you and agree that it is VERY AGGRAVATING when they won’t just SORT IT OUT.

    Reply
    1. Katie

      Hmm. I agree with Anna that calling daily and Being Assertive might do the job but that I would likewise not do it. Is Paul one of those people who can call them daily and annoy them til they sort it out? Because if so, you could put him on this AND it would have the added benefit of redeeming him in your own mind for his housekeeping failures.

      Reply
      1. Susan

        Even better, put one of the older children on it! When we were growing up in the 1960s, my mom made us get on the phone and do things such as place long distance calls (kids, you had to TALK TO AN OPERATOR to make a long distance call), make airline reservations (again, a phone call), etc. Not that she couldn’t/wouldn’t, but she thought it was good experience for us.

        Reply
  5. Suzanne

    Oh Swistle! That is SO MUCH and all so disheartening.

    The cotton candy image is both delightful and disgusting; I enjoyed its usage very much, although I am sorry you had the experience that brought it to mind.

    My coping thought for the Galentine’s Day debacle is that spring and Easter are coming up, and Easter at least means lots of excellent candy options, and spring means that fun flowery items/decor should be abundant AND welcome. If it were me who was waiting on a Galentine’s package, I would find the anticipation aspect part of the fun, and if it arrived in October it would be just as fun as — and more surprising than! — getting it in February.

    That coping thought doesn’t mean I am not still DEEPLY AGGRAVATED with Target, though. GET IT TOGETHER, TARGET.

    Reply
  6. heidi

    I HEAR YOU. I SEE YOU. This is very disheartening. I would like to chime in, if I may, and say I entered my own slump this weekend when I realized that just about every room/area in this house needs to be organized. It is a chaotic mess. Usually, there are one or two that need work but right now it seems like every area has fallen to disarray. How does this happen? I organize and clean and things are lovely and then suddenly nothing is right. harumph.

    Reply
  7. Lisa Ann

    Swistle, I am one of those people who have absolutely no problem contacting companies when something is amiss, I’d be more than happy to call/write a strongly worded email if you’d like.

    First step is to go straight to corporate. Based on title, I’d reach right out to John Mulligan/EVP & COO – Email: John.mulligan@target.com/(612) 304-6073.

    Reply
    1. Lindsay

      You are probably right. Had a problem with new house. Proper channels were getting us nowhere. Emailing a high up at the developer and cc ing local govt who approves these developments… problem solved. Just nuts this is what it takes.

      Reply
      1. Lisa Ann

        That’s wonderful! Glad I could contribute to Galentines Day in some small way. Can’t wait to hear the story.

        Reply
  8. Lisa Ann

    Sample email:

    As a longtime loyal Target customer, I’m disappointed and dismayed with Target’s customer service response to my problem – INSERT PROBLEM /TIMELINE HERE.

    I’ve been trying to get this sorted out for weeks to no avail. Target has not made any effort to resolve the problem, or offer any solutions. I would very much like for a human being who is capable of fixing this situation immediately to contact me at:

    Reply
  9. M.

    Zero judgment here – these ARE upsetting and exhausting thwarts and you have every reason to lie on the Desolation Couch while someone brings you tea and cookies.

    Reply
  10. Gretchen

    I have also had the spider web/shop vac disappointment. So annoying. I recommend an old sock taped or rubber-banded to the end of the stick of your choice. When it’s gross, peel off the sock, throw it away, and replace with another old sock. So gross but pretty satisfying.

    Reply
    1. Carolyn

      This seems like the way to handle it! Then you can set out sticky spider traps in case you missed any eggs. They should tell you where to leave them in the instructions; probably in corners or along the wall. My mom gets hers at the hardware store.

      Reply
  11. Jennifer

    For the Target situation could you also threaten to cancel your card? “I am not receiving the lovely benefits of this card because my account has been locked for WEEKS.”

    Reply
  12. Natalie

    I am so sorry for all of this. I’m having a very slump-y day myself. My son is nearly 4 and we are just having an extremely difficult and angry time nearly every morning. My approach is absolutely not working, and yet, I can’t seem to manage anything else.
    I will say that in dealing with a frustrating medical bill issue recently, I managed to get further with the generic billing email than I did with calling 3 or 4 different numbers (including one number which had such a terrible connection on their side it resulted in them shouting CALLER I CANNOT HEAR YOU, Calgon take me away). So maybe there is hope for the email someone listed above.

    Reply
    1. Rachel

      Just came here to say I’ve been there and understand the “My approach is not working but I can’t seem to manage anything else” with my 5 year old (although ours was bedtime as opposed to morning- it seemed like such a brick wall! There was no logic I could implement to make things better!) Sometimes that’s just the way it is until it works itself out (with or without your intervention), and I’m so sorry you’re going through that right now! It WILL get better, even if you can’t figure out the missing piece to make it so. <3

      Reply
  13. MomQueenBee

    I so feel your Target frustration, which matches my current PayPal frustration. For years I have smugly used PayPal (“Take THAT, you potential hackers!”) for practically every online purchase. And then my account was hacked. The PayPal customer service was beyond frustrating–inaccessible, unhelpful, obstructionist–and I ended up screaming at one representative “My tombstone will read ‘PAYPAL KILLED HER!’,” which may have contributed to the denial of our claim for their responsibility (even though the hackers accessed a payment method that had been cancelled, and the gift cards ordered were sent to people PayPal could easily track as not being in our orbit.) I finally paid the disputed charges, because I could feel my blood pressure rise every time I imagined the word ‘PayPal’ and a stroke would be more expensive to fix than two $80 gift cards. But PayPal? You are the worst.

    Reply
    1. Alyson

      do you wonder, and I apologize if I’ve put this thought in your head so sorry, if they are like that on purpose? There’s $80 you ate for them. Imagine, 100 people do that, 200 people…etc.

      The last four years have made me extra cynical about all of this stuff – ways to screw over the people while making them grateful for our existence. And conspiracies (not the space laser/flat earth type, the let’s keep as many people from voting as possible so we can WIN WIN WIN).

      FWIW: American Express has always been stellar with their customer support in terms of purchase protection. I haven’t had fraud experience, I hope it’s the same.

      Reply
      1. MomQueenBee

        Yes, unfortunately, I’ve absolutely thought that. The $80 was actually $160 (we were able to refuse payment on the card that was bought out of a savings account I had linked to accept freelance payment) and I’ve thought many times what a great racket they have going. I’m now extremely wary about online payment and am locking my credit card, unlocking it temporarily when I have to make a payment. It’s a total hassle and I hate this paranoia.

        Reply
  14. Kara

    Are the cobwebs/spiders in an area that you could powerwash them away? I grew up with a barn, and even though it was enclosed, in the summer we’d power wash out the interiors, starting at the top hayloft. Then open all of the windows and doors and air it out for a few days (had to be hot days with no rain in the forecast, so the horses could stay outside overnight).

    Reply
  15. Christa Lamb

    Could you stand to visit Target in person and tell the manager (or someone) about the problem? Or is it a warehouse problem? Still might be worth a try?

    Reply
  16. BSharp

    What an absolute mountain of lowgrade stress. I’m sorry it’s all piling on you at once. I wish you good tea and excellent coping thoughts. The ‘pretty Easter stuff’ above seems like a lovely coping thought.

    I…probably would not hide from Paul that you are redoing his chores. That’s just too much. You cannot be expected to manage the house, the dance of neither parenting nor nagging him, and his feelings. And to have to live with the still-mess and his self-satisfaction til you can sneakily clean it! No! It’s TOO MUCH.

    Reply
  17. Jd

    I have a similar problem – unable to keep up with the house. My husband “helps” a little but is a messy person himself. He had to travel a bit last month for work (I’m not a fan of the covid risk but it is what it is). It became apparent while he was gone the the mess he creates > than the cleaning he “helps” with. The house stayed cleaner with less effort while he was away.
    Somehow the balance of what we each bring to the relationship is even less balanced that I previously thought. F-ing depressing.

    Reply
  18. VHMPrincess

    Can you try the super swiffer dusters for the spider problem? It’ll prob get most of it I would think?

    Reply
  19. Julia

    could you start a Target account with Paul’s name and info for your personal needs?

    when the weather is better, could you use a power sprayer to clean the barn?

    could you assign chores to your children and turn off the wi-fi until all is completed, maybe twice a week?

    Reply
  20. Jolie

    I recently had a locked Target account and I just did not deal with it for the longest time. I finally decided to tackle it but I had forgotten my password. So first thing – I changed my password THEN magically my account was unlocked. I have no idea if that was just a fluke. I usually use the app on my phone. I was still logged in on my phone and my account was definitely locked. I logged in on my laptop to try to deal with the situation and changed my password there. Then I signed out of the app and re-logged in with my new password, and it worked. So, have you tried changing your password? It might be worth a try.

    Reply
  21. R

    When I have disgusting cobwebs, I like to use a twig or tree branch (sized according to the job at hand). The roughness seems to help grab the webs, and if I find one that’s forked or still has leaves at the end it works kind of like a broom. Then when I’m done I can chuck it in with the other compost.

    But I live in a woodsy suburb. Maybe most people don’t have random twigs and branches all over their yard?

    Reply
  22. Allison McCaskill

    Okay well all of those things genuinely suck (I can SO imagine the feeling of ‘I’m going to suck up all the spider webs and crap with this super-powerful machine and it’s going to be SO SATISFYING and then ick, no, omg, gross, help, NO”. Plus, even if you think you’re not bothered by the anniversary of the last normal time, sometimes inner anniversary clocks have a different read on things. I am livid on your behalf about the Target thing.

    Reply
  23. Gigi

    I am SO disappointed with Target on your behalf!

    As for the cobwebs…maybe an old mop or broom (wielded by someone other than yourself) might do the trick? Once the sticky stuff is collected and wiped away with an old rag the remainder could be sucked up with the shop vac?

    Reply
  24. Meg

    I don’t think you’re being a baby at all, but I totally understand feeling that way. Other people have it worse! You’re not in danger of XYZ! But you do have a right to feel frustrated as hell about all this. This is genuinely a lot.

    If support would be helpful in terms of feeling justified to go read a good book and eat some good snacks and feel grumpy, then please consider this support right here.

    Reply
  25. Meg

    Also, if it would be at all interesting/therapeutic for you to write about it, I’d be very interested to read more detail about how Paul does housework wrong. One of the things driving me batty just now is that my husband will leave the current box of cereal on the counter – when I have made a space for it on top of the microwave, where it fits perfectly, where it’s not in the way of actual food preparation. This space is easily reachable from either side of the kitchen counter. If you’re standing somewhere where you can put the box on the counter, then you can also reach the top of the freaking microwave.

    It only takes me 2 seconds to move it, but on the other hand it’d only take him 0 seconds to put it there instead of leaving it on the freaking counter!!

    Reply
  26. Maureen

    I’m just plain sick of housework. I used to have these bursts of energy, and would go nuts cleaning everything-but I’m officially done. I’ve been cleaning my house for 28 years, and I seriously don’t care anymore. It’s not like I’m depressed or upset, I’m done. It is myself, my husband and 2 dogs, 2 cats. My daughter has left the nest, and honestly she wasn’t very messy, except her room at times. Dust and fur bunnies, why hello there! Messy bathroom, because I’m the only one who cleans it-well, new reality. The thing is, my husband gets off work before I do, AND he was in the military and can clean like a pro. He has been vacuuming because he bought a new machine where the roller doesn’t get clogged up, so YAY-but everything else falls to me. I’m sick of asking him, and I swear I am doing some kind of exposure therapy, because it doesn’t bother me like it used to. I’m exhausted from teaching second graders all day, so I will retire with a good book after dinner, not caring that the bathroom sink is dirty.

    Reply
    1. Maggie

      Oh boy do I hear this. Being at home 24/7 for 11 months with 2 kids, 2 cats, a husband, and a dog and my tolerance for untidiness and bathroom grossness has reached new highs. My husband does clean the bathrooms occasionally (I mean he doesn’t do the shower or clean the floor behind the toilet but he does some stuff) and we share other cleaning stuff but I’m so tired of this house and all of the chores that come with it. I miss having a house cleaner in the worst way but ours left the business just before everything closed down and I can’t face the task of trying to find a good house cleaner during a pandemic. So it’s all going to heck in a handbasket at this point and I . . . don’t really care.

      Reply
  27. Lindsay

    Sending you hand pats Swistle. Freakin Target, don’t they know how much love you give them on here? Please don’t fret TOO much about Galentines Day. None of this is your fault, and somehow it will all work out.

    Reply
  28. Nicole MacPherson

    Oh, Swistle. Just reading about the shop vac and emptying it and the filter coming off…let’s just say if it was me, I would have probably just sat down and cried. Also, I am echoing everyone else by saying that Galentine’s isn’t ruined, it’s just going to be an exciting thing to happen when it happens, and if the cute heart things are gone, well, there are other cute things. However, TARGET WTF GET IT TOGETHER. I am sorry you’re dealing with that, ugh ugh ugh.

    Reply
  29. Liz

    Definitely just a regular old broom for the cobwebs. (the kind with a wooden handle and the corn bristles). I grew up in a literal (horse) barn and cobwebs were a mainstay. It was a messy job but a broom did the trick, the webs will stick to the bristles. I think I’d definitely assign a child to this task as I was a child myself when I did it :)

    Reply
  30. Maureen

    I just wanted to respond to “and then I just feel like such a giant baby”. I don’t know where I heard this train of thought but I love it:

    If we are happy to do comparative suffering, then shall we also participate in comparative happiness/joy? Maybe I shouldn’t feel content right now with the natural light pouring into my office because SOMEONE ELSE has a BETTER window! I am pleased that I added nuts, apples and cranberries to bagged coleslaw to make a really easy lunch for myself just now – but wait, SOMEONE ELSE made themselves a BETTER LUNCH. Mine isn’t good at all.

    We would never want to do that to ourselves or our friends, so let’s remove comparative suffering as well!!

    Reply
    1. Shawna

      I’m pretty sure that people do that whole comparative happiness thing all the time. That’s where the keeping up Joneses (or Kardashians) thing is from. That’s part of the reason people, for example, go into credit card debt to get the newest iPhone when they already have a cell phone that may not be that old and works just fine for their purposes.

      My mother does a version of this all the time and it drives me bonkers: if someone says something nice about something someone else does, she takes it as meaning that what she does is less good. I say my stepmother is a terrible cook but makes good carrot cake? You can bet that over the next year I’ll be subjected to 6 different variations of carrot cake as my mother tries to get me to say hers is better than my stepmother’s. And I don’t even particularly LIKE carrot cake. And my mom is literally the best cook I know, so she has no reason to worry about the fact someone else she doesn’t even interact with makes one decent dish. Someone who was over for dinner made a comment about her brother making fluffy bread? My mom thinks that that person is implying that her bread is dense, and suffers by comparison. I need to be able to insert an exasperated eyeroll emoji here.

      Reply
  31. sooboo

    Target better hook you up! You’re one of their best and most loyal customers!! I can’t believe the lock out has been going on this long, during a pandemic when you’re relying on them even more. Not cool.

    I have a house with 20+ foot ceilings (it’s kind of barn like) and I haaaaate all the cobwebs. Hate em! They’re sticky and gross and I just hate dealing with them. I have one of those long poofy dusters that you use to clean ceiling fans and then I duct tape it to a long pole that I think was originally for a paint roller. That works pretty well but it’s inside my house. It sounds like what you’re dealing with might require more industrial solutions.

    Reply
  32. Sylvie

    Oh we can all relate! I just could no longer cope with it all (lots of work, endless dinner cooking, lots of dust, lots of spiders, lots of webs), so we decided to reengage with house cleaners and we are just masked the whole time they’re here, or we take a walk while they work. Yes I am a princess but cleaning my own house (in fact I am doubly a princess because I also have a very spider webby weekend house) was the one bridge too far.

    Reply
  33. StephLove

    I am sorry about all the thwarts. I did like the commenter’s idea about shifting the gifts to a St. Patrick’s Day or just celebratory “It’s (almost) spring!” thing.

    I found myself doing exactly what you described after my son did a half-assed job mopping the kitchen floor last night. Going back, trying to fix it without anyone seeing me do it.

    Reply
  34. m

    Ahhh to the poorly done chores! I finally after many, many years of fixing my kids chores behind their backs have started calling them to return to the scene and fix it EVERY time. My new sing-song-saying is “If you do something and I have to touch it then it’s just as if you didn’t do it at all.” No real success to report yet but I’m hopeful it’s something they will eventually mutter to themselves when they are adults living with others.

    Reply

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