Egg Holders; Creative Pandemic Cancelled-Vacation Comfort; RSVP

The other day we learned that Edward, age 15, thinks that tongs are called “egg holders.”

 

One of my friends goes with her husband and kids to Disney every year, and it is one of those things that is a big part of Their Family Identity: they are A Disney Family. Annual matching family t-shirts, mouse-eared family stickers on the car, using a Disney family photo for their Christmas card, etc. I tell you this so that you will understand why the necessary cancellation of this trip is especially disappointing for them: it’s the blow felt by everyone who has had to cancel a vacation/event due to the pandemic, plus the additional blow of losing something that is an important ritual for them, plus the additional blow of breaking their streak.

To somewhat ease this disappointment, they are doing something that seems fun to me, though I could see how for other people it might hit as extra sad. But to me it seems fun, and this is what it is: they are doing an at-home version of SOME of the things they would be doing on their Disney trip, using a schedule of what they WOULD have been doing each day. It’s not at all meant to replace or compensate for the lost vacation; it’s more like…finding a few little happy things in spite of the disaster. So for example, on the day they were supposed to have left for this vacation, my friend posted that normally they would be packing the car and heading out at 7:00 a.m. with one last stop at [particular favorite local coffee shop] to pick up breakfast on their way out of town, and so she got curbside pick-up at that coffee shop and brought it home, and that’s what they had for breakfast. She said they always stop for lunch at [particular chain restaurant] on their travel day, so she went online and found a dupe recipe for what they always order, and she made it at home and they had it for lunch. Meanwhile they are playing all their Disney CDs as they usually would in the car on the way there, and they have their usual car activities (magazines, travel snacks, puzzle books, Disney trivia cards) on the dining room table, and they are watching all their Disney movies, and they have all the photo albums out of previous trips. I don’t know, I can see how it could feel a little bleak, but it comes across more like salvaging what they can + remembering other fun trips + the diverting and creativity-stimulating project of thinking about what they can do/make/eat that would be reminiscent of those trips.

 

We had our first awkward situation of needing to RSVP a no for an in-person birthday party. I’d been kind of dreading it. “Dreading” is overstating it, but I can’t think of a milder word. Perhaps I could have said “anticipating it warily.” Anyway it happened: Henry was invited to a birthday party at the kind of place that hosts children’s birthday parties, followed by an indoors restaurant meal. Happily the mom who contacted me did so by email so I had time to work out how to respond, and also happily she included a list of precautions they would be taking (masks, hand sanitizer, only three children and one adult at the party) but also said she completely understood if we didn’t feel comfortable, so I didn’t feel like she was someone who though the pandemic was a ridiculous hoax and/or someone who would scoff at me for declining. I was actually more worried that by declining I would accidentally send the vibe that we disapproved of their plans/invitation. Sometimes my social anxieties are unfounded, but from the careful wording of her invitation I DO think there was a chance she was worried about that. So I responded with happiness to have received the invitation, a sorrowful inability to accept (with a brief, non-identifying mention of an immunosuppressed person in our household), and a cheerful instruction to wish the child a happy birthday from Henry and me.

Social interaction can be so tricky. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could beam over a little mental packet of what we INTEND to communicate?

63 thoughts on “Egg Holders; Creative Pandemic Cancelled-Vacation Comfort; RSVP

  1. Rachel

    I’m supposed to be leaving for a birthday trip (40 for me l, 65 for her) to London with my mom today. Instead we are going to an Airbnb twenty minutes from our home. We are going to make tea and scones, do a London puzzle, and watch movies set in London. We are leaning hard into the London theme.

    Reply
  2. Jaida

    I have friends who are Disney People. They took a different approach and….went to Disney World. On a plane. I am very glad that they now live in a different state so we did not have to have any awkward conversations about just how far away I’d want them to stay for at least two weeks after.

    I am finding almost all social interactions fraught with potential misunderstandings and hurt feelings. I even live in a place where most people willingly wear masks but the extent to which they are worn in private gatherings varies and people still have wildly different comfort levels about risk and yeesh. I didn’t love social etiquette issues before all this and it’s just so much worse now.

    Reply
    1. Beth

      The way you worded this made me laugh out loud: “They took a different approach and….went to Disney World. On a plane.”
      Thank you!

      Reply
  3. KC

    Yes! Mental packets! But only if we could *choose* what we intended to communicate, because often my intended expression is suppressing all the crankiness-I-know-is-not-quite-fair. :-)

    (also: Friday’s xkcd might entertain you: https://xkcd.com/2346/ )

    And yeah, what is reasonable for someone without an immuno-suppressed person in their household is *different* from what is reasonable for others and that is *as it should be* and *totally okay* on both sides. All the people without immuno-suppressed family members should definitely still be trying to keep community transmission really low so that we kill as few people as possible! But it sounds like her plans were likely in line with that – just not *quite* to the right line for the immuno-suppressed bubble. So. Happy birthday, Anonymous Child!

    Reply
  4. Tessie

    What’s so hard about the vacation thing right now is that normally I would bounce back relatively quickly from a cancelled vacation by leaning in to planning the NEXT/REPLACEMENT vacation, and even that is not possible under the current circumstances. It’s just so bleak with no end in sight.

    Well, anyway, to the extent you’re able to salvage a few drops of fun, I say go for it.

    Reply
    1. rlbelle

      Yep. We had to cancel a vacation to New York I’ve been mentally looking forward to for two years, ever since my children told me they wanted to go. We ended up getting airline credit rather than our money back because they tacked on an additional 5% back in credits over what we paid, and extended the booking deadline to two years. I can’t see us feeling comfortable taking that particular trip next summer, so … I won’t get to even book it until at least January 2022.

      Reply
  5. SheLikesToTravel

    I took the free, online course from Yale called “The Science of Well Being.” It identifies facts and myths regarding happiness. One of the things I took from the course is that reliving happy memories has the same chemical reaction in our bodies as if we were currently living that experience. So I do it often and, per the professors instructions, I really relish those moments. Taking 10 minutes to relive a happy time makes me feel refreshed and ready to tackle the day. I recommend the course to everyone as it is loaded with tips about how to live a life that is more fulfilling.

    Reply
  6. Cece

    I think the Disney Family consolation prize activities are very sweet! And much better than the other alternative of just going anyway.

    A girl I know – whose level of life privilege is astonishing by even 21st century western world levels – is currently in the south of France with her family. Yachting, restauranting in the kind of restaurants that have sommeliers, sunbathing etc. My honest response is one part jealousy to two parts ‘you went on 14 holidays last year, you have not been starved of travel or life experiences – could you perhaps manage to stay in the country for 6 months in the midst of a global pandemic?’

    And lastly, I think the tone of your response to the invite sounds spot on. I’m sure she was worried about judgment, because it’s meted out right now whatever you decide – 50% of people will either think you’re being paranoid and overly cautious, or selfish and irraponsible. Especially when those decisions relate to your children! So a kind response explaining your reasons for caution but emphasising you hope they have a lovely time sounds just right.

    Reply
    1. rlbelle

      Friends of mine, who I wouldn’t call living in the lap of luxury exactly, but who are definitely doing more than fine financially, just bought a vacation home on the lake. And a boat. It gave me a very weird feeling.

      Reply
  7. heidi

    I would not like to be able to communicate via little mental packets as I’m afraid my annoyance with some people would accidentally get broadcast to them. This would be especially dangerous at work.

    Reply
    1. Shawna

      Yes! I was thinking the same! I have to talk myself down from judgement before responding tactfully in a lot of instances these days.

      Reply
  8. Anna

    I think until June my husband was still hoping that the annual family reunion/Grandma’s birthday would take place as scheduled in July. Grandma is 96, so of course every year could be her Last Party. It’s a big party, a big family, we come from out of state, people stay the night, etc. Not this year. The in state family salvaged the event somewhat with a socially distanced backyard thing with the traditional menu (lobsters, beer) which we attended via zoom, but it didn’t look as fun (though it was less buggy that way). Well. I think we just have to call this year a wash. I keep reminding my husband how much money we are saving on the flights, rental cars, and Airbnbs we are NOT staying in $$$$

    Reply
  9. Slim

    FWIW, my sister has already announced that her family will not be coming to our hometown for Christmas. This despite her family’s willingness to eat out and fly for random visits to child several states away. And those are fine things to do, I suppose — I am thinking of Swistle’s Startling Expenses mashed into Leana Wen’s Covid Budget — but it was weird to have someone be that certain that far in advance.

    I am hoping that if my family can’t go, either, I will at least be able to come up with some sort of make-up activity/presents as my mom spends her first Christmas alone, ever. (My dad died last year.)

    Reply
    1. Swistle Post author

      Oh, what EXTRA-rotten timing for a first Christmas alone!! Is she someone who would enjoy a bunch of Christmas cards from strangers? I wonder if we could put together some sort of thing where those of us who love to send cards and always have extras (ME! ME!) could send Christmas cards to people alone for the holidays? Or maybe cards from strangers doesn’t help with that.

      Reply
      1. Slim

        Oh, that is so nice of you! Thank you! But no, cards from kind strangers are not her kind of thing.

        But maybe later this year, if you’re stuck for subject matter, you could have one of those free-for-all threads and I could ask for advice on what my mom would like AND what would make this a good Christmas for my kids, who would rather be up with their aunts and uncles and cousins and grandma?

        I suspect I won’t be the only one open to advice on how to handle the holidays.

        Reply
    2. Shawna

      We are in a city of low-single digit daily cases and have already admitted to ourselves that we won’t be able to have the usual family Christmas. My dad and step-father are both in their 80s and my mom’s in her 70s and all are recovering cancer patients. We haven’t really spent any time indoors with any of them since this started (by really I mean we’ve used their washroom and helped them with a couple of minor chores that required us to enter one of their houses, though we stay masked and quite far apart when we can’t avoid going inside), and Christmas weather won’t exactly be conducive to gatherings on the screened-in porch.
      We haven’t seen my sister in over a year, but she only comes a couple of times a year normally and had to skip Christmas this year. Of course she couldn’t come for her regular May visit.

      Reply
  10. Gretchen

    We have a graveside service for my stepdad coming up in 2 weeks. I thought it was going to be very small with just a few immediate family, maybe 10-12 people. Now it’s at least 40 people and they’re trying to figure out how to have a lunch afterward. We can make it a long day trip but I don’t want to go – too many people from too many places! But I should go, and my husband will probably not go because he is very worried about covid, and if I go by myself that will be just one more odd thing I have to explain about him and this just gets so complicated sometimes. It’s stressful.

    Reply
    1. KeraLinnea

      Oh, I feel you on this one. My aunt passed away at the end of July and my uncle held a memorial for her last weekend. The week prior, he called me and applied significant pressure, in the way that only family members can (even though I KNOW, I KNOW he is a narcissist, he was something of a father figure to me as a teen, and I am highly susceptible to his guilt trips) insisting that I must come. I expressed some doubts, pointing out the need to avoid large gatherings–my aunt was very well known in my hometown, and actually quite beloved, and her funeral had potential for attendees in the triple digits. My uncle assured me that he’d thought of those things. He was planning an open house sort of thing, he had tents set up in the (very large) backyard, he was only planning ten-twelve people at once, and he certainly didn’t expect me to stay the whole time! No, I could come right at the start, at 10 am, and leave after half an hour or so. Oh, and everyone will be masked!! Also, my mother was coming, but none of my out of state sisters could make it, and did I really want my mother to be the only one representing our branch of the family? Everyone in town knows how much he and my aunt have done for us! What might they think?

      Well, I’m a moron. An utter simp. And I really, really loved my aunt, and viewing her through adult eyes, knew how much she’d sacrificed and suffered through that marriage, and I really did want to honor her. So my husband and I went, with my mother.

      That bastard. There were fifty people in that house. INSIDE. Not out in the tents. Not a mask in sight. He’d changed the start time to 9:30 without telling us, so we walked in right in the middle of people sharing their remembrances. It was awkward AF, and now, with all eyes on me, it was going to be difficult to slip out early unnoticed. We hung in through the remembrances, sitting as far away as we possibly could. Then my uncle made us all gather in a circle and join hands. My husband hissed in my ear “There is no f*cking way!” And out the door he went. My uncles eyes were boring into me, and my mother hissed in the other ear: “Don’t you dare leave me alone with this!!” I joined hands with my mother and a cousin I hadn’t seen in a decade. Once the prayer was done, I turned on my heel and was out. My mother joined us at the car and we left.

      I am vibrating with anger typing this, and thinking back on it. How can my uncle be so selfish? How can I be such a child still, when dealing with him. Why oh why do I not have more backbone? Is that a tickle in my throat? Is that one of the symptoms? At least I’m close to the end of the incubation period. If I go another week without getting sick, I can stop worrying so much about this. And rest assured, I am isolating as much as humanly possible right now, even sleeping in a different room and avoiding contact/closeness with my husband, because he’s an essential worker who can’t work remotely, so he has to leave the house. Fortunately, he has very little contact with other people.

      But boy, do I feel like a jackass. It’s such a little thing, choosing to go to a beloved aunt’s funeral. But in these times, my moment of weakness may have made me a vector.

      Reply
      1. Swistle Post author

        This is the sort of thing that happens in my recent NIGHTMARES, and it happened to you in real life. I am so sorry.

        Reply
        1. Ruby

          A few weeks ago, my cousin planned a car parade for my great-aunt’s 92nd birthday. The idea was that everyone would decorate their cars, and my great-aunt would sit out front of her house and watch them all drive by. It was such a lovely idea and a great way to keep everyone safe!

          EXCEPT. Everyone decided to get out of their cars and hang out in my great-aunt’s front yard. There were probably around twenty people, and most weren’t wearing masks or staying six feet apart. My cousin tried to shut things down, but people just…wouldn’t leave. At least nobody went inside, but only because my other cousin (my great-aunt’s son) told them they couldn’t.

          Did I mention that my great aunt is NINETY-TWO?

          I live out-of-state so I wasn’t there in person, but I was absolutely FUMING when I saw the photos on Facebook. (Thankfully, it’s been more than two weeks and no one has gotten sick.)

          Reply
      2. Gretchen

        That’s awful! I know mine won’t be that bad but still more people and hugging than I want, and god forbid it rains or something. I will go, wear my mask and try to keep my distance, and make excuses for my husband. Such awful timing. I’m sorry about your aunt.

        Reply
      3. Susan

        It’s horrible that you were put in that position. I am very belatedly starting to understand the value of boundaries, and to be able to withstand the disappointment of others when I draw my line in the sand. Covid has actually helped me in that respect, because the stakes are higher. I am finally realizing that I was the one who suffered when I tried so hard to make everyone else happy, and those kinds of people are never really happy anyways. There are so serious upsides to being in my 50s and getting bolder.

        Reply
      4. Anna

        KeraLinnea, you poor thing! Your uncle is ridiculous! I’m glad you are near the end of the two weeks. If it’s any comfort, the way you told your story was very compelling.

        Swistle, I too have had dreams- not quite nightmares- where people are not social distancing. Why no escape in dreams, subconscious mind??

        My mother in law is pressuring my husband to let her and her husband visit us, that is, visit our kids. We’ll drive, not fly! She assures him (from CA to TX). We’ll wear masks when we get there, and sleep in the car! Riiight. Also, sleeping in the car would not be more safe than the guest room. They are older, so of course hubby is worried about the limited years they have left to see the grandbabies, but I told him no. She has to wait. They ALL have to wait. His mom, step mom, my parents, errrrrveryone. To my credit, I also said he could throw me under the bus and tell her that I told him no, rather than try to smooth things over with her. I won’t be seeing her for a while, anyway.

        Reply
      5. Maggie

        Oh I am furious on your behalf! This situation really is the kind of thing I have bad dreams about now. I am so sorry your uncle is a complete jackass!

        Reply
  11. Alyson

    My annual Disney vacation is a trip to New Orleans for the New Orleans Jazz and Heritage Festival. I work at it, the family stays home. I stay with friends and bike back and forth (because I am not fancy enough to have a JF job that pays for travel, lodging but I don’t really care) and it is GLORIOUS. And didn’t happen. And may not next year, which is really really really frustrating in the “if we had locked it down initially, maybe we could have nice things in 2022” category.

    I mention this because the New Orleans radio station WWOZ 90.7 held “festing in place” over the two would be Jazz Fest weekends. ‘OZ made a schedule of cubes, and broadcast old JF sets with random interviews and parades sprinkled in. Nan Parati who hand letters all the signs (also does Newport and they’re awesome) pivoted to making personalized signs to order. Certain food vendors had mail order available and if you were local to NOLA they had pop up pickups. People all over the world fully bought in and dressed in their festival clothes, with their festival chairs and festival drinks and parked themselves in varying degrees of elaborate setups. It was not Jazz Fest but it was a great celebration of Jazz Fest for everyone missing Jazz Fest. My fellow Jazz Fest Team had a great time posting about things we missed, things we did NOT miss, where we would be and what we would be doing. It was a melancholy, bittersweet fun. But it was brilliant.

    They’re doing a version over labor day weekend again.

    Reply
    1. Swistle Post author

      I would LOVE to see more of this kind of pandemic creativity happening. It is so touching and heartwarming.

      Reply
  12. Melissa H

    I would definitely have to be able to pick and choose the moments when that broadcast idea would work, because my coworkers would not enjoy that power.
    I was talking with my husband about “remember in March, when being out of school for two weeks seemed so wild?” and now we’re starting to consider whether we’re going to be able to gather with family for Christmas. I want to say “It’s only August! Things could change!” but in reality, I can’t imagine what will change between now and December.
    My kids going back to school this week, on a “hybrid” schedule of 2 in person days and 3 remote, probably contributes to my high anxiety and inability to type a cohesive paragraph. Thank you for tolerating my rambling.

    Reply
    1. Swistle Post author

      YES, let’s definitely make it an OPTIONAL feature! We could use it just to ease social awkwardness, at times when we wanted to convey our earnestness and goodwill.

      Reply
  13. Kara

    We were supposed to be going to Costa Rica for our 20th Wedding Anniversary this year. Instead, we will be camping with the kids, at a place with vault toilets and no showers, which is the least romantic thing I can think of- but it’s socially distant and a responsible way to get out of the house. We have also bowed out of going to my BIL’s retirement party (so weird that I have a BIL who is old enough to retire), due to travel restrictions.

    Reply
  14. M.Amanda

    I am guilty of agonizing over tone in emails, especially with people I know don’t know my “voice.” I started a new job last year and have found some people are quick to bristle. It’s hard to know if they are perpetually offended or if I got lazy in saying what I really mean because everyone at my old job knew I was on their side, or on the side of “let’s fix this” rather than scolding. In short, I would like some business card-like thing to deliver to just let people know where I stand: “Don’t feel like I will judge you. Everyone is different- not better or worse, just different – and doing the best they can. I’m sympathetic and love to help people feel better about crappy circumstances.”

    We were supposed to go on our first cruise and first big vacation ever this week. We are supposed to reschedule for next year since everything was already paid last year. I am trying not to think about how it probably isn’t going to happen at all.

    Reply
  15. Suzanne

    Social interactions now are THE WORST. I am constantly worried about a) conveying unintentionally judgey feelings, b) giving the impression that I am LESS concerned about our current situation than I am (like not wearing masks outside in a near-empty park and then coming across other walkers who ARE wearing masks), and c) expressing clearly but without overt judginess that I am MORE concerned about our current situation than another person is, and therefore we probably shouldn’t get together. Plus months of separation from other adult humans has rendered me even more socially awkward than before, if that’s possible. It’s all awful.

    Reply
  16. Kate

    The part about ruining their Disney streak really hit home for me. My partner and I had a big trip planned in September to go to Universal Orlando’s Halloween Horror Nights festival. It is Very Much Not My Scene, but Mike LOVES that kind of stuff and I actually ended up really enjoying myself- I kept my eyes closed through the haunted houses, yes, but the atmosphere in the rest of the park was very cool. We went 5 years ago, on its 25th anniversary, and were going to go this year on the 30th anniversary, and had talked about how we could make this an every 5 years tradition and now our streak is broken before we even got to start it. Not the same level as an every year, much anticipated Disney trip, but I’m finding myself grappling with ridiculous disappointment nevertheless.

    Reply
  17. Kristin H

    Our family vacations have included a lot of hotel rooms, where we invariably get a pizza for dinner. The pizza has always gone on the luggage rack. When my kids were 13 and 11, we found out they thought that thing was called a pizza holder, and that all hotel rooms came equipped with one!

    Reply
  18. Mommy Attorney

    I’m curious how tongs become egg holders, because I’ve never used tongs to hold eggs. Seems…slippery? I always use the pasta scooper thing to pull out hard boiled eggs. Now I’m wondering if I’m super weird???

    Reply
  19. Dearestsultana

    My sister has had to postpone her Melbourne May wedding to November. We were all really looking forward to it but it looks like nobody from the family will be attending with both groom and bride families living overseas.
    In the beginning we were hopeful that there would be a NZ-aussie bubble, but that seems highly unlikely now when both nz and Australia are going thru a second wave.
    Meanwhile my sister in london just came back from a week’s holiday to France and Spain. We live in parallel universes.

    Reply
  20. Beth

    We are also Disney People, and are very sad not to go this year, but the idea of boarding a flight, and staying at a resort, and eating in restaurants….the anticipatory anxiety sucked all the joy right out of it for me. No Mouse for us this year.

    Reply
  21. Paola

    We rented an RV for 5 nights. It was expensive but you can’t beat having a toilet and place to sleep anywhere you go!

    My son has been invited to a birthday party before school starts. A joint party for 2 kids in his class. Everything seems thought out well: Each child got to choose 3 close friends so there will be max 8 kids, no siblings allowed. It’s outdoors, parents are to drop off and pick up in two hours. There will be sanitizer and individually packed snacks. Funny enough, if my son doesn’t go it will not be COVID related. He’s just never been to a party on his own and is anxious about not having his parents or brother around!

    Reply
  22. Cara

    We were invited to a pool party for a child that is part of the three family social bubble we have created for school. The invitation was specifically for the school bubble. But, after we got there additional family members arrived. From out of town. And then it started lightning, so instead of being outside all the kids ended up in a rec room for games and food. We should have just left right away, I know, but I guess we sort of froze. So now my husband and I are feeling terribly guilty, and our family is in quarantine for ten days just in case.

    Reply
  23. Melissa H

    To your first point I am REGULARLY surprised at the things us parents must be expected to communicate to our children that they don’t already know. And then remind myself that there is no way they WOULD know unless someone communicates it and their parents are the most likely source of info for most home-based things. But there is SO MUCH and I am clearly missing a LOT but I don’t know what I’m missing until it comes up in a conversation about, say, tongs. And I’ve only got three years left with the eldest to get her trained up. It’s a bit overwhelming. But every single time it reminds of of this episode of This American Life so at least I get to chuckle at that. https://www.thisamericanlife.org/605/kid-logic-2016/act-four-1 and this is the funniest few minutes of radio while i”m on their site https://www.thisamericanlife.org/605/kid-logic-2016/prologue

    Reply
    1. Shawna

      Case in point: tonight I told my son I was looking for my pie-lifter* and he had no idea what I was talking about. I was like, “it’s a triangle-shaped spatula for serving pie” but I had to wonder what else he thought I could have been talking about.

      *I typed “pie-lifter” and then wondered if that was the universal term so I checked and google calls this a “pie server”. I think it may be a regional thing?

      Reply
        1. Tracy

          Hadn’t heard “cake shovel” before, but that’s great! I would call it a pie server, but pie lifter is also great!

          Growing up, I didn’t know that a jar opener (rubber circle for gripping jar lids to open them easier) was called a jar opener. The first one we had was a early 1980s promotional item from a real estate agent, so it had the agent’s name “Jim Pigott” printed on it. I was young enough not to be familiar with what that agency even was, so I always called the Jar opener “The Jim Pigott.” Like that’s what I thought it was called, and since no one corrected it… I was well on my way to adulthood before I ever saw a different jar opener! What’s crazy is that I *still* call jar openers “Jim Pigotts” so much so that my kids thought they were called that too, despite us never having a jar opener with “Jim Pigott” imprinted on it!

          Also, somewhat related but in a different way, my son moved into his dorm last week (very small rural college, tons of restrictions!) and had to fill out a pre-move-in room review report, which was one of those white/yellow/pink carbon copy forms. He was filling out all 3 copies… because he literally had never had to fill out a carbon copy form before! My mind did all kinds of flip-flops about that situation!

          Reply
        1. Shawna

          I think I’d picture a slice of cake if you mentioned a cake slice. I’ve never heard that term to refer to a tool to serve cake!

          Reply
  24. Anna

    I’ve found being direct (which does not come naturally to me) has been best in pandemic situations. My daughter, who will be homeschooled this year, was invited to a play date at the home of a friend from her previous school who is going back to in person school in a few weeks. I just texted back the dad and said, thank you so much but we aren’t seeing people yet! And he was super cool about it. I started to hem and haw but then just went for it, quickly saying the truth, and it ended up being a lot better than I thought (because I definitely started to make up an excuse).

    Reply
    1. Swistle Post author

      Oh, I like that way of phrasing it! “Thank you so much but we aren’t seeing people yet!” At least when I read it in your comment just now, it came across as cheery, matter-of-fact, and non-judgey. I find that having The Right Words helps INFINITELY; I will certainly be copying you on this.

      Reply
  25. Shawna

    You know what I’ve been thinking about? Halloween. I’ve already started to tell my kids that we’ll just buy some of the “best candy” since we won’t be trick-or-treating. Fortunately my oldest had decided last year that it would be her last year trick-or-treating, but unfortunately I’m pretty sure it’s because she envisioned going to a party at a friend’s house instead.

    But what do we do about giving out candy? Turn the porch lights off and hide? Leave a bucket of candy out with a “take some and good luck” note? I’m hoping there’s a neighbourhood consensus by late October!

    Reply
    1. Auntie G

      We are SUPER into Halloween. We do family costumes. Multiple costume contests and T or T over the weekends around Halloween.

      I am not feeling any of it this year. I feel like some neighborhoods will insist on it, some will veto it, whatever happens I will get grief over why I don’t think it’s a good idea. AND! I really love doing the family costumes and it’s a SHIT TON OF WORK. Why would I do that this year? It will be too weird and disappointing.

      Can’t wait to fight with my husband and kids about this. CAN’T FUCKING WAIT. Sigh.

      Reply
    2. Eli

      I’m thinking about sitting in my front porch, with the candy bowl halfway down the walkway to the sidewalk. I can distantly chat with the trick or treaters, they can get their candy, and I won’t have to be within 6 get off them. I’m hoping my whole neighborhood will think like this, because I think canceling Halloween would push me over the edge.

      Reply
      1. Shawna

        This comment section needs a “like” button. Your scenario seems like a good compromise for handing out candy if the weather is decent. We won’t be going around and reaching into any candy bowls ourselves though, and touching candy that may have been touched by multiple hands already.

        I’m very curious if our city will come out with recommendations.

        Reply
  26. BKC

    I found out this weekend that my daughter’s grandmother fully believes that masks are unnecessary and a tool of nefarious governments to bring about a New World Order and also somehow communism? I dipped out of that socially distanced visit as soon as I could and I was ready to go full scorched-earth on her, until my kid reminded me that, “She won’t yell at you if you guys don’t agree, she’ll yell at me.” I can’t FORBID the my kid’s father from taking her to see his deranged mother. Sharing custody in a pandemic is bullshit.

    During the summer it is our family thing to go see many movies in theaters, for the summer movie season and also the air conditioning. We’re trying to recreate it at home with varieties of popcorn and dollar tree boxes of candy. It’s…surprisingly not terrible.

    Reply
  27. British American

    The Disney thing does seem a little sad. Though I was meant to travel to the UK for my 40th birthday in June. I’m from there, but haven’t been in 17 years and was taking my daughter, who has never been, and it was also her 15th birthday. My husband and good friend planned a surprise British themed birthday party instead, at my friend’s house. They made all these decorations and had a themed photo booth and ordered all this British food online, including sausage rolls and scotch eggs (both meat products so more difficult and expensive to buy.) The food made me cry because it was things I’d wanted to eat there. It was so sweet and thoughtful though and was the best party I’d ever had. (It was a small outdoor party.) So that seems a bit similar to the Disney trip replacement.

    Reply
    1. British American

      Also my kids think a lawn mower is called a “mowing lawn” and we just didn’t tell them that it’s not. They are 9, 12 and 15. I really should tell them!

      Reply
      1. Eli

        My kids consistently call toilet paper “paper toilet” and no amount of correcting/hearing it the right way round can change their minds.

        Reply
  28. Shawna

    We always go somewhere warm for a week in the middle of the cold Canadian winter but won’t be doing so this year. I mentioned to everyone just this week that we should start to think about what we want to do instead that doesn’t involve leaving the country but would be a welcome break from the everyday. No ideas for activities yet (and I’m not a skier so that’s not a switch I’d relish), but my ideas mostly involve food – buying fresh-squeezed juice, ordering in a lot of Mexican or Jamaican or just plain decadent food – and possibly turning up the heat in the house to make it a bit warmer than normal. And maybe I will just get a pile of movies and magazines and not feel at all guilty about becoming a couch potato for a week.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.