Paul was complaining to me about some shorts he found in the bottom of his drawer after he ran of out his usual shorts. He didn’t really like the fit or the length, which was fine, let’s donate them so you never wear them again. But then he said he remembered the REAL reason he had stuffed them way at the bottom of the drawer, which was that the front had to be pulled down for him to pee.
I don’t know how long I stared at him blankly before I managed “…As opposed to WHAT?” It turns out boys, or at least SOME boys, actually USE those little hatches on the fronts of their pants/underwear to pee. I guess I was assuming…well, I don’t know what I was assuming. Because why would the hatches BE there if no one used them? But it seemed like such an unlikely thing: to undo two little hatches, to reach a hand inside and… Well. I don’t know exactly what I thought, but I suppose I was thinking the little hatches were decorative/traditional remnants from another, more primitive time.
Paul was, understandably, more on the “Why would they BE there otherwise?” side of the discussion, but it was taking me awhile to let this new information sink in. I mean, imagine if women’s clothes had similar hatches: little snap-flaps between the legs of all our pants/shorts/underpants. Imagine if we just opened those hatches and then peed through them, because it was TOO MUCH TROUBLE to pull down the pants/underpants.
Considering women do NOT have such snap-flaps, it felt even more absurd to have a man telling a woman that he rejects an entire pair of shorts because those shorts force him to pull them PARTLY down in front in order to pee. Oh, how very difficult! Oh, the inconvenience! Imagine having to PULL DOWN a pair of shorts in order to pee! Who could be asked to live that way?? It is unacceptable!! “…I guess I’m complaining to the wrong person,” said Paul.
It probably would be a nuisance at home, but maybe out in public it Just Isn’t Done.
Oh! Nearly three years ago I was very surprised when I learned that the bf just pulls his pants down in order to pee. He ignores the button-y part completely (and I don’t think he changes his behaviour in public restrooms).
I was just talking to my husband about this yesterday, because he was pleased that there was a little button hatch in the new PJ pants that I bought for him. As he was fumbling to re-button, I skeptically said “that seems like more work than just pulling them down” and he said “You’re right, I always just pull down, I don’t know why I was excited about this.”
I have had this conversation with a group of males. It was probably back around my college years. If I recall correctly, there seemed to be a fairly even split between the “just pull the front down”ers, and the “reach in through the fly and pull it out through”ers.
Oh my lord, I am having trouble stifling my laughter at work!
Side note: am I wrong to be teaching my young boys to sit down to pee?
Mine did when they were little, until age 4-5 when they could reach the toilet without touch it.
Oh, Angela, but a great part of the fun of being the mother of boys is to find out how off the mark they can pee. :)
I did not teach mine to sit but I made them use Clorox wipes every time. Knowing my boys I think they would have sat there and sprinkled the ceiling.
Ooo, I like the idea of teaching them about using wipes to clean up after! I recall Swistle writing about teaching her oldest about being a good roommate, wiping up after using the bathroom.
I will add this step to our routine, thanks for the tip!
And their future partners will love you for it.
My husband always sits down to pee, he says it cuts down on splashing and as the Cleaner of the Toilet he doesn’t want to create more work for himself. Also, we never have to argue over whether it’s better to leave the seat up or down, so that’s an added benefit.
Given how many more urinals there are than toilets in men’s bathrooms, *but* as the wife of a glorious, wonderful, amazing guy who sits down to pee and therefore 1. never leaves the toilet seat up, 2. never dribbles (never!!!), please do encourage them to sit down to pee in general, but also give them the stand-up-to-pee skills for public restrooms with no available stalls and, say, camping situations?
(for women in forest-y situations who do not want to squat, there are now silicone urinals that are really cool, incidentally. I have never used one, since I haven’t been camping since I heard about them, but not having to do the weird squat-hover try-not-to-touch-hazardous-plants try-not-to-dribble how-many-mosquitoes-are-eating-my-legs-and-posterior-right-now thing out in the wild would be lovely.)
The problem with these is if you’re not careful, you end up peeing IN your pants!!!
But they are nice for some situations, for sure. Def. takes practice.
I know someone who had one for a trip to China where they only had squat toilets. She said she practiced in the shower before she went.
My boys have been trained that they are to sit down if peeing in someone’s home.
Shortly after my husband and I started dating I went to clean my bathroom on my regular schedule and discovered what he had be doing to the toilet bowl while standing to pee. I mentioned to him that “I was cleaning the toilet and” … he cut me off to say, “It’s about time. It was really gross.” o hell no. He did not know that he was causing all of that mess. All of it. He was duly mortified and at home he has sat to pee ever since.
My husband explained his position on this subject a few years ago. He HATES the flaps, slightly less displeased with buttons. He always pulls down. He says that when he has attempted to use the flaps, he has to pull it far apart to do the business, then it never lays flat again and there is forever this awkward gap. The buttons don’t do this, but I guess it’s already enough work to unbutton his pants and unzip that yet another button is just not worth it.
Regardless, I think it’s all better than having to pull all of it down past your knees to do #1 or #2, especially in winter.
Swistle, I adore you (in a totally non-stalkery way, obviously)!
This is fascinating! I’ve never been involved in the purchase of underwear for a man (currently single, since forever, two long-term relationships, in both of which partner did all his own underwear shopping, no brothers, and two teenage daughters) and I’d never really even considered this aspect of… whatever it’s an aspect of. Totally fascinating!
Are these boxers or briefs? I cannot imagine wrestling the unit out of the clingy knit fabric of briefs …but I can imagine boxers being more accommodating. How have I never thought about this?
Okay but wait until you hear this—-I bought a pair of Spanx a few years ago that do have a slit for women to pee through!!! I never really knew if you were supposed to wear underwear under Spanx, but this answered the question. They are rather challenging to pull up and down and while it is very very odd, it does work out quite well. I only wear them once or twice a year, and definitely would not be interested in this option on a regular basis, but for a fancy night out in the Spanx it is okay.
I am legitimately confused, and I have a husband and two sons. I have never seen any of them use the opening on underwear, they just pull down slightly. But I was not aware that slit also exists on shorts…I am baffled. Instead of a button and zipper fly? On shorts?! What kind of shorts?
Maybe I’m misunderstanding…his other shorts have button/zipper flies, and he is an underwear pull-through-er, so doesn’t already pull the underwear down, and therefore does not like the shorts that have to be pulled down? I had to ask my husband about this, and he is so firmly a pull-down-er that he was horrified at the notion that some men might pull through the zipper without unbuttoning first. I don’t know if anyone does that but I started asking a lot of questions about the various options. This is so very weird to chat about in regards to my husband and other people’s…but so FASCINATING.
The shorts have an elastic waist, so there’s no button/zipper like his other shorts.
So wait he normally pulls his wiener through his underwear AND THEN ALSO his shorts? So it’s poking out there with two layers of fabric between it and the rest of its domain?
I saw the title of this post in my feed reader and clicked over so fast I am mildly embarrassed. But the content did NOT disappoint. It’s a funny and fun and fascinating topic. I have come to understand that there is a third way, by the way, at least when the subject is wearing shorts, and that is to pull UP one leg of the shorts.
This reminds me that there are two ways to pee whilst wearing a skirt. (For… people who sit while peeing, at least.) Some people pull the skirt down to the ankles. Others pull it up and bunch it around the waist. Clearly there is A Better Way, but I imagine that people who do it opposite to me have a similarly Preferable reaction to their own choice.
If you pull the skirt up, you don’t have as much tidying of a tucked in blouse to do….
I vary by billowiness of skirt (is it going to be hard to wrangle around my waist without a bit escaping and dropping in the toilet? I’m looking at you, silk broomstick skirt which has never actually dipped in a toilet but has threatened to…) and scunginess of bathroom floor (public restroom that isn’t totally spic and span, plus skirt that would wipe against the floor if pulled down? I’m going to try to wrangle that one upwards somehow even *if* it’s that silk broomstick skirt which is magic in so many ways but is not practical in others…). My default is to pull down as for pants, though, since pants are more normal for me to be wearing, but eh, whatever works (really *works*) for someone.
(jumpsuits: why did we ever start wearing jumpsuits, though? As someone who is hard to size even with separates, and who doesn’t want to completely undress just to pee, I do not understand this continuing trend…)
This is EXACTLY why I won’t buy a jumpsuit or a romper! I do not want to have to practically take off all my clothes just to go to the bathroom; especially in public.
Back in the Olden Days of Yore, as I understand them — in the land of the Pantaloon — women did not pull down their bloomers but did, in fact, pull apart the legs and pee’d without pulling anything down. Now then… both that AND just using the male flap seems a bit unhygienic. I realize that’s totally just me. But where do the DRIPS go?
——
I’ve taught my boys (only partially successfully) to sit when they pee. Much less work for me, the unfortunate soul who’s had to unscrew the toilet lid before to clean out the pee that seeped down. It’s been a while. I’ve never been the same.
This is true! Back in the days of petticoats and bustles and hoopskirts (which I imagine made using the bathroom quite the logistical nightmare), bloomers didn’t have a seam in the between-the-legs region so they didn’t need to be pulled down to pee. The more you know!
I’ve had this conversation with some men before and some things I gathered that haven’t been mentioned are
– several men agreed that most men don’t use the pee-pee-hole but the reason for pee-pee-hole was an excuse for an extra layer of fabric, consider that drips are “inevitable.”
– some men don’t like pulling the underwear down in case the band pushes back up against the prostate
The men all acknowledged the advantage of the other option / disadvantage of their preference but felt that they were going with the lesser of evils.
Okay, so last month we were at the grocery store and my 5yr old son had to pee. Grocery store bathroom in an urban area where you have to get someone to unlock it for you, not a lot of evidence that anyone’s been wielding the clorox in there.
And *that’s* where I discover that for goodness knows how long my son has been lifting the toilet seat *up* in order to sit on the rim when he pees in any bathroom outside our house. He said it was more comfortable.
Gaaaahhh!
Oh boy, thank you for this laugh and now I’ll have to see what my 2 boys are doing when they’re not at home!
I teach in an elementary school and obviously do not go into the boy’s bathroom. But, every year I have one of my third grade boys come back from the bathroom just mortified that a tiny kindergartner or preschooler dropped their pants to use the urinal. “ I could see his bare butt!” So, elementary school boys do not sit or pull their pants all the way down. Since 90% of them are wearing elastic-waist athletic pants or shorts I assume they are going over the top.
**I do have a son of my own- not trying to speculate on children’s bathroom habits!
I was sitting here with a wrinkly nose face, confused and a little grossed out at the thought of all these boy-type people out in the world, just using the flap, and then the mental picture of a line of bare butts at a urinals gave me pause. Literally never considered the exposure if you pull down. So.
Daughter of a lesbian here. Who had a daughter. We’re teaching my nephew to sit down.
This was the exact hilarious thing I needed to read today. Thanks!
Bookmarking for future sad days because I am howling and tears are running down my face.
I assumed everyone used the pocket until I bought my son some pocketless undies and asked my husband how they worked. And then I learned about the over the top method. MIND BLOWN. I also didn’t know that avoiding the full trouser drop was a thing we’d have to practice. Love the advice to sit at others’ homes!
I read most of this post to my husband who said he heard this difference referred to on a podcast as “over the fence” or “through the gate.” I nearly spit out my drink when I heard that colorful description.
I think we all need the name of that podcast, preferably the name of the specific episode!
My husband was born and lived in Europe until he was 9. I mentioned something off-handedly that revealed my assumption that he stands to pee, when he let me know that he does not “pee standing up like a filthy American.” So sorry, your majesty!
I always assumed that men used the little hatches to pee. Then I got married and my DH said “Why would I hassle with that? It’s so much easier to pull them down!”
:::shrugs:::
Life is weird.
If you’ve ever been a woman who has made the misguided attempt to wear Spanx or other such “shape wear” (trust me as a 33 yr old I have learned the error of my ways) the “boobs to thighs” bike short variety has an overlapping flap to pee. Assumingly, to keep you from having to hike your skintight dress past your boobs in a bathroom stall. But anyone who has ever used it (or at least 99% of my canvassed girlfriends) maintain that it is impossible to avoid peeing on either the fabric or your hands when having to reach between your legs to separate the flaps when peeing. So wtf is the point.
This post and every single comment has been PURE GOLD. I am delighted.
I’ve always assumed the hatch was there to enable thru-the-trouser peeing, but also felt like anything with a zip fly (ie, jeans!) would then be.. um.. risky. Like do you really want to pull your treasured and delicate man parts through METAL TEETH?! and then it seems like drips on the OUTSIDE (while pulling man parts back in) would be more… likely.
I need to have a chat with my husband immediately, obviously.
As I remember, my husband dabs with toilet paper before putting it back. That handles any leftover drips so they’re not on his clothes.
I’m trying to picture the reactions of all the husbands whose toileting habits have been outed here. If only they knew!
The best part of this post? The entire last paragraph.
My husband sits down to pee, for comfort, cleanliness, and convenience, and has told me several times that he greatly admires the Germans, who have a word for people who sit to pee: Sitzpiddlers.
Is my husband a lovable weirdo? Who can say?
“I guess I’m complaining to the wrong person” is probably the theme of 90% of the things my husband says to me.
Only tangentally related – no matter how cute they look, I never buy jumpsuits because I don’t want to have to get virtually completely naked just to go to the bathroom. I feel like some kind of snap situation might help but then the underwear would have to have it too and what about the inevitable dripping? Nope. I’ll just stick to things that aren’t one piece and sitting down.