Elizabeth is going through her room and she’s been getting rid of tons of stuff: a giant bag of clothes, a giant bag of stuffed animals, two boxes of assorted toys and knick-knacks and miscellany. One thing in the pile was the book The Care and Keeping of You—the version from before they split it into a book for younger girls and a book for older girls.
I was leafing through it to see if I should just discreetly put it back onto a shelf in case she might want it again later, but it really did look much too young for her. She’s 14 now, and will be a freshman in high school this fall. She hangs out with friends in coffee shops. She French-tucks her shirts. She’s growing out her bangs. She needs an older-girl book and I’m wondering if you have any to recommend. We have the Scarleteen book on the bookshelf, but that seems like that’s TOO old: “to get you through your teens and twenties” sounds like a broader range than what I’m looking for. I’m looking for something in between American Girl and Scarleteen. Like, to get her through ages 13-16.
I leafed through one book in a bookstore this weekend, and it looked like the kind of thing I wanted: casual, cool, friendly, a section on tampons, answers to questions people might not want to ask the grown-ups in their lives. The only reason I didn’t buy it right then and there is that as I was skimming through I saw a lot of stuff about how can you tell if you have a crush on a boy, what is it like to go on a date with a boy—and nothing about any other possible situation. I’d like such books to show they know that situations other than “girls get crushes on boys” EXIST.
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OH! Also! Elizabeth is having her first sleepover. We haven’t had one before for various reasons, including “because I hate sleepovers” and “because we have so many children sleeping here already,” but I am finally at the stage of life where I can imagine managing it, and also there was a reason to have one, and so here we are.
What I would like to know is if there are things that make sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag more comfortable and that are also worth purchasing/storing to have on hand for sleepovers. Like, what about those rolled-up squishy-foam things? Should I get a few? We have hardwood floors. I personally would not want to sleep in a sleeping bag on them.
Or air mattresses? I associate air mattresses with being gradually lowered from “sleeping on a balloon” to “sleeping on the hardwood floor,” and also with “endlessly trying to find where the leak is this time,” but perhaps that is not always accurate.
Or do we just let the kids put their sleeping bags on hardwood floors? I don’t remember caring much about the floor when I was a kid. Though thinking back, I’m pretty sure my friends’ floors had carpeting.
I don’t have a recommendation for books, but as far as the sleeping on the floor is concerned — seems that every time my daughter had a sleepover, everybody found places to sleep and it never was an issue. (We did have carpeting, though, now that you mention it.) Maybe I’d have a pile of quilts/blankets/comforters in the corner and then they could use those for padding, blanket forts, whatever. At 14 they’re very resourceful, and I wouldn’t buy anything new.
Changing Bodies Changing Lives is a good one. The version I had in the 1980’s talked about Gay and Lesbian relationships as well as straight ones.
Try this book. https://www.amazon.com/Questions-Youd-Never-Your-Parents/dp/1596438681/ref=pd_sim_14_3/147-6395778-9736451?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1596438681&pd_rd_r=b226ff4c-15d1-4dc2-8451-5ffa6fca2627&pd_rd_w=ZcGAf&pd_rd_wg=hFmHC&pf_rd_p=90485860-83e9-4fd9-b838-b28a9b7fda30&pf_rd_r=ZHQCD633VTET8FE540VF&psc=1&refRID=ZHQCD633VTET8FE540VF
I know what you mean about Scarleteen. It covers everything, but everything is a lot at 14 for most kids.
We already have the camping mats and they’re nice even on carpet with sleeping bags. If you have spare blankets they will happily make themselves nests. Air mattresses have gotten better, but they’re such a chore to put away. It’s not a bother to set them up when the evening is ahead of you and it’s fun, but it’s sad to deflate them and a burden to put them away when the party’s over. That said, the Coleman ones with the flocked/fleece top are much more sturdy than the thinner plastic ones. Ours has a reversible pump that will pull the air back out for you, which helps a lot.
I’m guessing that at least some of the other girls will bring their own sleeping mat to put their sleeping bag on. Those are probably the ones who after their first sleepover, went home and complained to their moms and their moms went out and bought them one. I think it’s on them not you.
I remember the book our bodies ourselves was very popular when I was Elizabeth’s age. And I know they have revised it since then.
I would definitely have something, anything, to offer to put under sleeping bags if they are to be on wooden floors. Something like this https://www.amazon.co.uk/Military-Direct-Folding-Sleeping-Mat/dp/B07MHFY5BQ/ref=asc_df_B07MHFY5BQ/?tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=308807601588&hvpos=1o40&hvnetw=g&hvrand=8959277682543557478&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9046644&hvtargid=aud-548500765412:pla-751558167348&psc=1
would be ideal, isn’t terribly expensive and could be used as floor cushions
/seats as well.
There’s a version of Taking Charge of Your Fertility for teens. I know nothing about it other than it exists but I have long intended to look into it for my teens, once they become teens.
I’d provide some extra padding for under sleeping bags, but I think it could be all your extra blankets and comforters so you don’t have to buy anything. We also used to raid the couch cushions and take them up to my room.
If you have spare yoga mats, use those for floor mats. I’d concentrate more on snacks. Girls nosh at sleepovers and that is more fun to buy.
My 13 year old has a number of books about sexuality on her shelf. I’m a big believer in book options.
First, I have to make a pitch for this book, not only because my friend Bronwen wrote it, but also because it’s awesome. Clear and non-judge mental, it’s a great book (with a title she didn’t choose and doesn’t like. Because that’s how publishing works.)
Doing It Right: Making Smart, Safe, and Satisfying Choices About Sex
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1442483717/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_oyTpDbA54PWEY
She still has the third Ronnie Harris book, which has been much consulted.
It’s Perfectly Normal: Changing Bodies, Growing Up, Sex, and Sexual Health (The Family Library) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0763668729/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_1DTpDb2HAXQ6T
And she has this one. Consent: The New Rules of Sex Education: Every Teen’s Guide to Healthy Sexual Relationships https://www.amazon.com/dp/1641522801/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_cHTpDbNKPCTMP
I love love love the book “It’s Perfectly Normal.” I believe Robie Harris is one of the authors. The newest version I’ve seen talks about LOTS of different types of bodies, relationships, etc. has a section on the Internet and talks about sex, periods, relationships, masturbation, etc. Very relaxed and shame-free in its approach. Full of comics! One thing I liked about it was that it was so *fun* it made it easy for me to pick it up and casually point out pages to The Kid, which was a good way to start conversations.
When I was 11 or so I stole a copy of Girltalk by Carol Weston from my older cousin. It talked about everything from sex to applying to college to managing friendships to acne. I just saw that it’s been updated! So maybe that will help. It was, as I remember, a good book for the early-to-mid teen years. I still have my old copy! My stolen copy.
As for sleepover, air mattresses will be just fine as they probably won’t sleep much anyway.
When we have sleepovers in the (carpeted) basement, some kids put their sleeping bags on our beanbag chairs (which can flatten out a lot). We also have one of those foam chairs that unfold into a “bed”, and we’ve had that since I was a kid! (Survived fine until we lent it to my cousins, whose dog tore some holes in the cover.) Provides extra seating for teen get togethers and then a single bed for sleepovers, so it’s very handy.
We have extra kids in the house all of the time. I frequently come down in the morning and find a teenager who isn’t mine, sleeping on the couch. For larger groups of sleepovers, they take over the big sectional couch. For just one extra kid, they generally sleep on the futon mattress that gets dragged around the house for all occasions. My oldest still has bunk beds, and it’s not uncommon to find an extra kid up on the top bunk. Also, pizza is a time honored sleepover tradition, and maybe doughnuts in the morning.
Sex is a Funny Word is super inclusive also of trans issues! Families who camp will be able to bring a sleeping pad; I usually have sleepover kids bring their own sleeping bags so this seems reasonable as an add on.
I am a big fan of Sex is Funny Word, as an lgbt parent the language and perspective is what I’d like to teach my own kids. It is also written as a graphic novel, zine or comic – the illustrations are great.
Another vote for It’s Perfectly Normal! I’m also thinking of getting my daughter (14) a subscription to Teen Vogue because of their great reporting/resistance. Has anyone done this?
A few months ago we went on a trip and forgot my daughter’s air mattress, and we ended up buying a $5 pool float from Walmart. She’s 5, so she thought this was entirely delightful. Bonus that it had a built-in pillow type thing. However, the $5 pool float was somewhat to difficult to inflate, and completely impossible to deflate. It’s currently taking up more space than it should in my basement, rolled up with a strap around it.
So unless you have a need for pool floats, more generous storage space than I, or you could donate them to a local pool later on or something, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this. I think additional sleeping bags/quilts/comforters/couch cushions should be sufficient.
As a Girl Scout leader, I’ve hosted a fair amount of sleepovers in my home. I usually just throw out a large collection of extra cushiony materials (sleeping bags, duvets, comforters, fleece blankets, etc.) that they spread out as layers underneath their sleeping bags. Between that and various couches, they’ve always managed to work it out and have never complained about being uncomfortable.
Be sure to report back on the books you preview. I am very interested in your thoughts!
Yes please!
My eldest is 6y, but I periodically go through spurts of trying to find the Netherlands sex ed curriculum in English. I haven’t had any luck yet. ☹️
I have no book suggestions. Sorry. Apparently I am raising clueless kids, because nothing has come up since the initial ‘talk.’
I agree that if you round up a bunch of spare comforters and quilts or throws, the sleepover kids will make due. We have a small army of air mattresses, but they never bother to get them out for sleepovers. We do have carpeted floors in the basement, family room, and basement. I think they will be fine. Oh, to be young!
Swistle, can you recommend a corresponding book for boys? My teenage son is about to outgrow/move past the initial book.
We have alllll the Robie H. Harris books. Plus an older edition of What’s Going on Down There?, but I haven’t looked at it in years (and haven’t looked at the most recent edition at all) so I am not sure if I would suggest it or not.
As for the book recommendations, I am excited to read the comments and start my own research for my daughter.
Sleepovers — my kids LOVE LOVE LOVE making their own beds out of pillows, blankets, etc. They will sleep on the floor with their friends as well and use all the coverings. I think that is a lot of the fun of a sleepover for them. Sometimes they build “forts” to sleep in. Even my 14 year old boy and his friends!
I have quite a few air mattresses as I live where we have overnight guests all summer. They’re great because they store so easily and they can be filled to various levels of hardness. I recommend them. Sleeping on the floor by aged 14 hurts. I actually also have the foam rubber toppers to put on the air mattresses for adults. They take up more room, though, than air mattresses.
Slate (the online magazine) currently has a series of articles on puberty including one out today on recommended books. I really like the Slate parenting articles, which are sporadic but usually science based, however this series is not the most rigorous one they have had. I did learn that I need to be having the first sex talk now (oldest is 7) which omg I’m not ready for. Guess I need to get all of these books so I know what to say. Do I check them out from the library to decide which ones? Skim them at the book store? Or Prime them and get weird recommendations? I hate to admit this fills me with dread. It’ probably one of the few things in life most of us grownups know how to do but maybe not talk about.
https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/08/best-puberty-books-for-girls.html