Dreams of Cows; Feeling Down; Quest for Jolly Joes

I dreamed I was dozing while snuggled up with a medium-sized light-brown cow, in case you are wondering who is winning the competition for best dreams.

In spite of that, I am feeling a little down. I had a good weekend, but now it is over and the only things to look forward to are a nice thorough dental cleaning, eventual death, and the 6th grade band concert (*shudder*). Also, the weather is gloomy. Also, a friend of mine who is in a bit of a holding pattern with her husband emailed me that one of the depressing things is that if they DO split up, she is too old and fat to expect to find someone new. I found myself plunged into a mental argument: on one side I was thinking “THAT IS NOT TRUE. She is GREAT, and PLENTY of guys would want to date her!” On the other side my brain was helpfully flipping through the file-folder of situations where a couple in my age group has split up and the guy has started dating someone much younger and thinner—and then my brain paused in the helpful flipping to add helpfully “…and also you realize nobody would want someone with five kids.” Well! Thank you very much, brain! Happy Mother’s Day right back at you! You know what else? If you left my skull no one would want to date YOU, either!

Also I am out of Mike & Ikes. I’ve been mixing a box of the original kind (4 flavors) with a box of the Mega Mix (10 flavors) and then eating two or three at a time because I think that makes for nicer flavors. Don’t tell me I’m not a good cook.

UG. I think I will get out of the house before I start pacing and writing formulas on the walls. Perhaps run a couple of errands and get some more Mike and Ikes. (You have not seen Jolly Joes anywhere, have you? I haven’t seen those in quite awhile.) [Update: there is a product finder that let me specify Jolly Joes! I am going to go look at the suggested stores tomorrow.]

24 thoughts on “Dreams of Cows; Feeling Down; Quest for Jolly Joes

  1. Shawna

    I firmly believe there is someone for everyone. If my 300 lb, video-game playing, mom’s basement dwelling, closing-in-on-30 without ever having held a full-time job, almost shut-in, close to zero social skills, slobbishly-dressed, long-haired-but-balding half-brother can find girlfriends (and he does from time to time), anyone nice with decent hygiene should be able to find someone. (To be clear, I don’t dislike my brother for any of his physical issues: I dislike him because of how incredibly poorly he treats his mother, and how rude and just plain awful his personality is. The fact that he meets any women who are interested in him is a total mystery to me.)

    And here’s another example that doesn’t involve putting down a family member: my stepmother’s daycare provider (for that same brother as a child, actually) ended up with one of the dads from the daycare. He left his skinny, waspish, perfectionist, high-income-earning wife, for the daycare provider, who was quite plump and nice and loved kids.

  2. Suzanne

    I too am in a bad mental place (though no band concerts imminent; my thoughts are with you) and wish for your calming cow dream. May the (environmental and metaphorical) gloom pass quickly!

  3. Lawyerish

    This made me laugh so many times in solidarity. “Eventual death” — yes. Also, the thing that disturbs me the most about being a married woman in her forties is that, although I may still be fertile right now, my husband — for the indefinite future — could leave and start a whole other family (I do not think he ever would — but in theory HE COULD). He can have kids basically forever. And if he decided for whatever reason he wanted more children, he could just leave and go have some more. Even if I could find someone else to tolerate me, that option will soon be off the table entirely; it’s not a selling point to any theoretical second spouse anymore. Of course, many men do not want more children or any children, but the population of men who would be super-into a middle-aged mom instead of a much younger woman seems (from popular culture and general observation) to be slim indeed.

  4. Shannon

    Posted this once before but I think it went astray. Delete if it shows up in double!

    Assuming your friend is around your age and has been married for about as long (which I’m guessing is 18+ years, given that you have a son headed to college), I am guessing she has never been single at a time in which online dating has been as prevalent and as stigma-free as it is today. Maybe this is partly because of where we’re located (heavily populated East Coast cities), but within the last five years (since that stigma started slipping away), all the single women in my family have had success at finding men to date, whether directly (through regular online dating) or indirectly (through finding social communities that led them to meet guys, including divorced older men and widowers) thanks to the internet!

    As women, we may never get a fair shake in the “easily able to find a younger and more vivacious new partner after we lose the old one” department. But I also strenuously believe the days of “I will absolutely never ever find someone who wants me” are long gone! The internet is a miracle.

  5. Madeleine

    I think it is time for a See’s candy order. To celebrate the end of school and its attendant band concerts and other joys.

    I was at an airport shop that had See’s the other day and they had neither of my favourites so I walked away sad. (Almond Royals and Scotchmallows, if anyone wants to send a care package.)

  6. Sarahd

    Having been married, and then divorced, and then re-married I would like to add (for your friend) that finding someone else is not necessarily the goal. Being single can be pretty damn awesome, actually, and were I ever single again I think I would just try to enjoy it more. Oh, the freedom!

  7. Sarah

    As a single 41-year-old woman, I can confirm that dating is WAY easier for men my age. Even if they’re only “meh” people, they inexplicably have the pick of cool thirtysomething women, while my awesome female friends (and myself!) are left with very few options… either the guys who are single for VERY GOOD REASONS or weirdly misogynistic men 10-20 years older than us (because we’re too old for men our own ages to date). Maybe it’s better in bigger cities, but where I am it’s super sad. My ex left me (for someone younger and skinnier) when I was 38 and I keep thinking “dude if you were going to abandon me I really wish you’d done it ten years earlier so I’d have a decent chance of having a life partner again!”

  8. Slim

    I spent most of yesterday putting up new pantry shelves while listening to the Prince radio station on Pandora (nerdiest mom soundtrack I could come up with), and the whole time I was thinking of you and your pantry tales. And your tidying tales.

    Any sensible single fella would be throwing elbows to get to you. And some of the married ones would have the passing flirty thought about you.

    You’re magnetic.

    1. Swistle Post author

      Well! My goodness. What very, very nice things to say. Those plus the Mike and Ikes I bought on my errands have been just the ticket to bring me most of the way out of this mood.

    1. Swistle's mom

      Oh my, what an adorable video clip! It reminds me of when Swistle was about 4. We went to visit someone who had a Great Dane, and it was love at first sight for Swistle, who immediately put her arms up around the dog’s neck and fell against him. Later, I went to check on her, and found her cuddled up with the Great Dane — really, more or less using him as a mattress, which was possible because he was way bigger than she was. The Great Dane was completely relaxed, but my impression was that he had adopted Swistle. As in “No one hurts this kid.”

      Swistle, I bet it’s the memory of that exceptionally gentle, protective Great Dane that triggered your dream. Seriously, he was as big as a cow. And brown. And VERY nice. We should have gotten you a Great Dane, though I’m not sure they’re all as wonderful as that particular one.

        1. Melinda

          That is fantastic! My parents had friends with an Irish Setter that I fell in love with on an overnight visit. That is the best.

    2. Swistle Post author

      Oh, I LOVE that. I love how she uses the word “her” in place of “she,” like “Her came into the house.” That is DARLING. And yes, that is just how I was dozing with the cow in my dream!

      1. Melinda

        Her mom’s questions crack me up. And the “I was just lookin’ out the door and her came in!” kills me.

  9. Matti

    I wish writing hilarious things to cheer us up would have an equal and similar cheering effect for you because this was wonderful.

    Also, my husband works with a couple who recently divorced (AWKWARD) and the woman who is 40-ish, on the heavier side, and not a super nice person was dating again before the divorce was even final. We don’t live in a big city, but she did find her new dating partners online, so maybe there is something to the online dating thing. And they have two small children, so it’s not hopeless.

  10. ernie

    I love that you want credit as a good cook for mixing Mike n Ike flavors. Brilliant! It reminds me of one of my favorite movie quotes (and I’m not a movie quote kind of person) . . . Owen Wilson said to Will Ferrelll in Wedding Crashers: ‘I’m not going to judge you, ’cause I think you’re an innovator.’

    My husband and I have 6 kids. He works late a few nights a week as a physical therapist. Junior high band concerts and school performances and teacher conferences ALWAYS land on his late night. ALWAYS. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve texted him: ‘You dodged another bullet.’ It’s uncanny.

  11. BKC

    I have distinct memories of my (busy, solopreneur, single) mother being at all my middle school band concerts, bless her heart. She may have been sitting in the back, paying bills out of her Franklin Covey planner and surreptitiously wearing earplugs, but she was there. As the mom of an enthusiastic (but possibly tone deaf?) choir kiddo, I have so much respect for my poor mom.

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