One of Elizabeth’s friends got her first period. I don’t think Elizabeth knows; I heard it from the friend’s mother. This reminds me to review the basics of such things with Elizabeth; I’m trying to remember to do it every 6 months to a year. But she’s so RESISTANT to it! She HATES talking about it! Well, she has a book that covers it. She may be the sort who’d prefer to look up her own information. And maybe she won’t have to worry about it for a few more years, anyway. I hope. (She is 9.) (Her friend is 10.) (I was 12.)
I should also get her Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret, but maybe I’ll re-read it first. I remember that book being part of the reason I wasn’t very freaked when I got my own first period, but I don’t remember how much actual information there was. And don’t they still use BELTS or something in that book? Clipping pads to something? I remember being mystified even at the time.
I didn’t tell my mom when I got my first period; did you tell yours? She had to ask me (and then I did admit it). I wasn’t keeping it a secret, exactly, but I remember not really knowing how to casually bring it up. “Oh, by the way.”
I got my period the last day of 6th grade. I was 12. I don’t remember being freaked out at all. It was more like…boo, this sucks. What a hassle. I never read any books about it or had a super in depth convo with my mom. I think we briefly talked about it once or twice. Like, hey…this is going to happen. And I said yeah, I know. I also think we covered it in sex ed that year in school? I am honestly not sure. Obviously none of this stuff left a big impression on me, lol.
I did tell my mom when it happened. I made her go buy me pads. Which, gross. Why did I use pads for so long?
I got my period on the last day of 6th grade too! I was 11. My mother put me straight to bed when I got home and acted like I was ill. It was really weird.
I totally told my mom right away and she gave me a hugged and gave me a few tips. This is pretty remarkable behavior for me because we were not that kind of family. My parents did not give me any sort of sex ed, I had to learn all about it in school and on the playground. My cousins are younger than me and their mother asked my mom what she did and my mom lied about giving us a book (she did not, that would have been valuable) and she lied about even asking us if we had questions! Parents- give your kids the tools or at least talk to them sometimes!
I bought that book for my nine year old on your recommendation and she flipped. She wanted me to take it back and refused to look at it because it was ‘gross’. I have it put away to try again in a few months. She has bras that she should wear, at least under certain shirts, but she fights that as well, so that is my current battle.
I think I was eleven and her school has a specific program at the end of next year so I am hoping she doesn’t start until after that.
I was that kid who refused a bra long past the point I should have been wearing one. My mom, being the genius she is, ultimately found built in bra tank tops that I would agree to wear under other outfits. Otherwise, I was willing to wear sports bras in bright colors … thanks to early 90’s fashion. Maybe something other than a traditional training bra would help?
Mine was super late – like maybe a sophomore in high school and I STILL didn’t tell my mom. She asked me while doing laundry one day and I gave her a GAH MOM type of response (and I’m assuming my cheeks were so red, too) which she took as affirmative and we never spoke of it again. No books or chats prior, either, but at that point I knew all about it from friends that had had theirs for so long already.
I was 14 and didn’t tell my mom for about six months; like yours she figured it out while doing laundry, and we never spoke of it again. I have always made a point to be much more open with my own daughters, and they both told me the first day it happened. We don’t treat it like it’s a secret thing in our house, we’re very matter-of-fact about it.
I got mine during a lunar eclipse in May of 7th grade. I was 12. My mom was out and my little sister was outside looking at the eclipse. I got myself a pad and then I’m sure I told my mom about it, probably in the most surly way possible. I know I told my sister about it, so if I didn’t tell my mom, she would have…I’ll have to ask my mom later because I don’t remember how I told her.
Ha ha we didn’t talk about much ahead of time, and I missed school the day they showed us “the movie”. So yes I freaked and my Mom was lovely helping me and all. I guess she thought she had more time (I was 11). And then sex…well, it was the day before my wedding and my Dad asked me if I had any questions. I told him I had had 12th grade health and we talked about it then. He was upset because my Mom was supposed to give me the talk. Well, the talk was this… “Mom my friend showed me how babies are made with a Barbie and Ken doll. Is that true?” Her response was no. ( I was 5 so she may not have wanted me to know yet). But I knew my friend was right. I find it hilarious now, but yes mothers and fathers talk to your kids or give them a book or something. It doesn’t have to be a big deal but at least so they have a clue!
I remember being mystified by the belt thing in that book too, but also how much those girls WANTED to get their periods. Maybe I read it after I got mine, I don’t recall, but I thought they were ridiculous.
I was 12 when I got mine and I was on a trip alone with my dad. He used to take me on business trips when he could. It was mortifying, although he handled it as well as any dad could. Having to call my mom and older sister was the worst part.
Yes, I remember being really unable to relate to the girls in that book because I never wanted to get my period and was super disappointed when I got it at 12. I’m 45 and I can think of less than 5 times in my life when I was happy to get my period ;-)
I had to tell my mom, because it was after she’d had a hysterectomy, so there were no supplies in the house.
I think there’s an updated version of Are you There God, it’s Me Margaret that uses modern technology, for just that reason. I remember being mystified by the belts as well!
I had heard that they’ve updated the book to get rid of the belts too. Better late than never!
This is true. Judy Blume has actually done this with a lot of her books (example: in the Fudge book’s she’s changed the Christmas wish lists so the kid’s aren’t asking for things like Walkman’s anymore).
Isn’t it funny how many of us remember the specific dates? I got mine on Groundhog’s Day when I was 11. I didn’t tell my mom at first, because the stain was brownish instead of red so I actually thought I was having other issues. I finally told her only because it had been going on for a few days and I was starting to get nervous. I remember her response clearly “Oh honey, you got your period.” I was mostly relieved I wasn’t ill, and then annoyed at the inconvenience.
I was one of the first of my friends to get it, so even though I LOVED Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret, I couldn’t quite relate to the angst and stress over waiting for it to start. My mom had to explain the belts bit to me. I think you should definitely offer it to Elizabeth to read if she wants!
THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED TO ME! (With the brown instead of red and not being sure what was happening). All my life I’ve thought maybe I was the only one ;) So glad to hear someone else’s story!
haha Carolyn, it’s so funny to see that we both thought we were pooping our pants (I saw your comment below) instead of starting our periods! I’m not sure I’ve ever told anyone that story ever, either. My mom did a great job of preparing me in advance but I guess it never occurred to her to warn me that it might not be bright red!
Mine was brown too!!! I also didn’t recognise it as a period and wasn’t sure what to do. So weird.
Count me as another person who had the same issue! In fact, my mom had to tell ME I’d gotten my period. Not sure how she knew, since she was no longer doing my laundry at the time, but she figured it out. I felt almost cheated because I was one of those girls who really wanted to grow up and get her period (because I was dumb. So dumb), and here it had happened and I hadn’t even recognized it. And then it didn’t come back for six months or something, and when it did, cramps!
My daughter (now almost 12) has a friend who started hers at age 9. They believe she was thrown into early puberty due to steroids given to her for breathing issues when she was younger. My daughter is not really even starting puberty yet, so who knows when she will get hers (I was 13). Before she had the “girls vs. boys” talk at school we talked and she was prepared for what was covered. I have always been open with her and I do think she will be mortified when she gets it, but not freaked out.
I know it was difficult for my mom to talk about it (therefore it was difficult for me), and terribly difficult to tell my mom when I got mine. I like the idea of bringing the subject up again, every so often; I also wonder, if it feels like an awkward thing, could you two maybe have a prearranged sign or some sort of non-verbal signal (I don’t mean like a hand wave and wink, sort of signal) that can be her way of letting you know she got her first?
As a resistant kid myself, I would suggest the book route and slowly back away. :-) Also, just provide what she’s going to need so she doesn’t have to ask. Because: gah. (Like leave it in her room or dresser.)
And prepare to protect her from brothers curious/oblivious inquiries. Because: double GAH.
I was 17 and a senior in high school. I ran down to tell my mom right away, and I was so relieved, after worrying that something was wrong with me! We had the first school talk in 5th grade, so I’d been waiting and expecting to start at any time for 7 years.
Oh yes, they used belts. I remember thinking that was so old-timey. Also it seemed like it would be so inconvenient.
I was not the type to discuss such things with my mother. I didn’t tell my mom for months after I got my first period. I went through two or three cycles on my own.
Have you see this? http://www.buzzfeed.com/skarlan/this-ad-campaign-has-women-sharing-hilarious-stories-about-t#.mxY0OegAb I saw it yesterday and thoroughly enjoyed it. I can’t remember right now if it would be appropriate for Elizabeth but it might help you come up with ideas.
I was at bible camp. It was awful. I had to go to the nurse’s cabin and she gave me belts and pads (it was 1975) and I struggled getting the (huge) pads hooked on the belts. AND, there were no doors on the stalls in the bathroom. It was a horrible experience. When I got home from camp, I was very nervous about telling my mom (we didn’t have that kind of relationship) so when she was doing some laundry in the basement, I brought down my underwear, quickly showed her and went upstairs. I don’t think we spoke.
She hadn’t been told anything when she was young so she thought she was bleeding to death when she got hers. She didn’t want that to happen to me so she had tried to talk to me about it but I was very uncomfortable.
My daughter was somewhere in between. She didn’t love talking about it but she was much more open with me than I was with my mom. The hardest part for us was tampons. She couldn’t figure them out and it was awkward for me to help without getting into details that embarrassed her. I actually couldn’t figure out tampons until my senior year in college.
Aww, that was a great video!
My daughter didn’t love talking about it either. When she was 10 I stocked up on supplies for her and showed her where they were. That way, I figured she could play around with stuff if she was curious and it wouldn’t seem like such a big deal. Our pediatrician was very open about it with her too. At her physical, told her it would likely happen in the next 6 months, and it did. She did tell me when it happened and has been very matter of fact about it. One of her best friends got it around the same time so I think the bond of sisterhood was immensely helpful :) They even told me “it seems like boys have it easy”. I agreed, thinking “you have no idea”!
I was going to say the same thing as someone mentioned above. I think I remember seeing that Are You There God, It’s me Margaret has been updated. I’d love to read it again and see how they did with the updates.
I am so relieved to hear all these stories. My first period I was in 8th grade, age 14. My mom had made a big deal of ‘the talk’, took me to a hotel, we talked about everything period/sex/everything and it was a special thing. So I was looking forward to getting my period and incredibly annoyed it took so long to get here. I was wrong to be in a hurry :) When my first one came, I called my mom and she came and got me, got me supplies and I’m pretty sure we went out to lunch to ‘celebrate’. I wasn’t upset about it, but I definitely have been clear with my own kid how potentially annoying it is, but that it’s also not a big deal.
My daughter is now 12 and we’ve had simple talks before the school classes (my parents removed me from the school health classes, even in HS, and I didn’t want to do that to my kids) so she’d be prepared and not surprised. She hates talking about her period – ‘mom can we stop talking about it now’ – and this year was the sex class at school. I went in and watched all the videos beforehand, so I knew what she would be seeing AND so I could prepare her ahead of time. After watching the videos this year, I panicked a little, so I knew I needed a book or something to help me explain things. So I got this from the library – It’s So Amazing!: A Book about Eggs, Sperm, Birth, Babies, and Families (The Family Library) – http://www.amazon.com/Its-So-Amazing-Families-Library/dp/0763668745/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1428505943&sr=8-1&keywords=it%27s+amazing and it worked pretty well. The drawings are ridiculous and the information is presented by a bird and a bee. See. Funny. Ha!
She is prepared now at least. I think she’s still got a few months at least before her period, she’s been in a bra for the last year or so and I see other signs of puberty, but she’s still not quite as mature as her other friends, so I’m hopeful she has the summer before things happen for real. I think she’ll be mortified if it happens at school and I’m prepared to go rescue her whenever and wherever it happens :)
Thanks everyone for sharing!
My first period started a few months after I turned 9. And it was, uh, enthusiastic. My mom HADN’T actually talked to me about it at all. I was SUPER freaked out when it started, even though I was pretty nerdy and into science things. I think I had a vague idea that this sort of thing happened, but, yeah, sudden blood everywhere isn’t really the best time to learn about menstruation.
I was 10(!) we were on vacation at Disney and I REFUSED to admit that it was my period – I kept insisting I just had a “cut on my thigh” (I’m cracking up over this now). I have had a few books for my 8.5 year over the years daughter and plan on getting “Care and Keeping” when she turns 9. I think both talking about it (to her comfort level) and making sure she has access to accurate information is the best we can do.
I was camping with my dad at a lake. Talk about TERRIBLE timing.
My oldest was 10 when she got hers for the first time. And she didn’t tell me. It wasn’t until my husband collected the dirty laundry upstairs and saw the blood stains that I knew what was going on. Kotex makes a tween line of pads that are shorter, for smaller bodies. That’s what I buy my daughter (she’s only 4 ft 9 inches tall, with no real hope of getting much bigger). I had gotten each of my older two the book “The Care and Keeping of You” when they turned 8 or 9. It’s a good book, informational and not “scary.” She’s in 5th grade now, and her class recently had the health class where they take the girls in one room to talk about periods, and send the boys off to have another talk. Since she’s been getting her period for over a year now, she laughed about the period class and said she could basically teach it now.
My middle daughter just turned 10, and she is just now starting to show signs that she’s heading into puberty. My oldest started heading that way at 8. Honestly, I think the full-on armpit hair is the last step before their period starts (maybe too much info?). I have a 7 year old daughter too, so I’ve got years to go.
Hahaha, YES, they have super complicated pads and I remember being baffled by that whole part! And to be totally honest, when I got my period I wasn’t sure about it for a few days. I wasn’t bleeding like I’d expected (it was more like a small amount of dark brown discharge in my underwear for a few days, and I was super confused. Was I somehow pooping myself? Was this what having a period is?) I was embarrassed so I’d just hide my dirty underwear in the laundry :\ After a few days I think I brought it up to my mom (who was GREAT about things like that, but I was mortified anyhow) so I hope you’ll mention to your daughter that it might not be bright red right away so she isn’t confused like I was ;) (And I have never told that story to ANYONE, EVER, so feel so special!) ;)
Oh, the other thing I think it is important to get across to girls is that this is completely NORMAL and that every woman deals with this. So if you get it at school, you can talk to your teacher, the school nurse, the office staff and they are totally prepared to deal with it. If you are at a friends house, you can tell your friend’s mom. I also made it clear to my daughter that if she needed to tell her dad (I travel for work frequently) that was fine too! While he has never had to deal with it, he has had to deal with me dealing with it. This does not need to be a secret scary thing.
That being said, I also made it clear that different people feel differently about it. You may be nervous or scared or excited or annoyed. And that was ok!
That’s such a good point! I remember thinking, “Seriously, this happens to almost every woman, almost every month? How come nobody ever says anything about it? This is weird!”
I was on an overnight trip with my class in 8th grade (age 12). It was the last day and we were headed home, but I didn’t know what to do, so I stuffed a HUGE WAD of toilet paper in my underwear and walked to the bus with my knees together. Didn’t tell my mother when I got back.
She confronted me about it maybe six months later, in PUBLIC (?!?!). I was sitting with her in the lobby of a Jiffy Lube (lol, “engine flush”), and she was like, “Oh, hey, did you get your period? A bunch of my tampons are missing.” I died. Make die dead on the spot.
I was about a month shy of SEVENTEEN so i knew good & well what was supposed to be happening by then. My mom had even taken me in to the pediatrician to see if something was wrong with me since it was taking so long. So by the time I did get it, I was well prepared even though my family has never been good about talking about this sort of thing. I called my mom @ work to shyly let her know, and she got SUPER excited and kind of choked up. It was, like, way embarrassing OMG MOM at the time but I think it’s cute now.
I don’t remember getting much of a talk. I was mortified at the prospect of a talk and my mom was not good about those sort of things either. I was provided with a book and I remember it being heavily illustrated but maybe a bit short on detail.
I was in seventh grade (so 13 I think) and did not tell my mom until it was unavoidable. Like you said, it just seemed so impossible to bring up. I was in the middle of some high-pressure auditions to get into a special orchestra and I remember it being awful. It was so much heavier and painful than expected and I had to stand and perform on stage in front of judges while worried about what might be going on below. Gah…I feel tense just thinking about it. Things did get much better after that but it was quite an introduction.
I was almost 12, and helping out with little kids at a summer vacation bible school. I called my mom and she brought me home to get me a pad. I asked, “Do I stay home now?” and she was like, no! This is no big deal, you just go back to work. So I did.
My daughter just turned 10 and shows no signs of puberty at all, but she is very interested in the whole process, pores over the books we have, and asks me tons of questions. The only thing we haven’t been over in enough detail is STD prevention. We’ll get there!
I remember knowing about periods generally, but being totally rocked by cramping. Mom was great; ibuprofen and heating pads were offered. And no judgement. She must have been a little amused, though, because I was sort of swanning around like a consumptive ;)
I don’t remember what books helped. I think we had a standard issue sex ed book on the subject, but what really helped was that my Mom was there to field questions as needed. I was a talker, I wanted info.
I was 12 and at school when I got my first period. I went to the nurse and told her I was sick. She actually did guess at what happened but I told her no, I was just sick. I remember just wanting my mom and to go home. My mom (who never talked to me about sex or puberty or anything) was actually nice about it and congratulated me. I remember thinking “for what”? She wouldn’t allow me to wear tampons and it was years and years before I figured them out. I had terrible cramps in the beginning that were much worse than I expected. Actually, my first few periods were among the worst I ever had in terms of heaviness and cramping. It’s nice to hear other people’s stories and it sounds like you’ve prepared your daughter well.
I told my mom, got mine at 11. Are You There God was very helpful to me, tho I remember being confused by the belts. My only child is a son, so I got nothing for you on the parent front.
I was almost 13. Summer. I did tell my mom. I went and saw Bambi (rereleased?) with my little brothers and mom later that day. I had some talks with my parents before the classes at school. One in 4th grade and one in 5th. I was so embarrassed about my parents giving me my training bras. So embarrassed my Dad might know! I remember my mom not allowing me to read “Are you there, God” so in 5th grade, when my parents were out of town and we were being babysat, I checked it out from the library and secretly read it. So scandalous! Ha!
I have 3 daughters and 2 boys. We are pretty open. The older 2 told me when they started. Oldest, took it in stride. Middle girl? Drama and complaints. I hope I am being open enough about stuff that my sons will be good husbands to their future wives.
I don’t remember if I was almost 12 or almost 13. But I DO remember that I was at my grandparents house with my mother. And that she told my grandfather about it shortly after I told her. In my hearing. I was absolutely mortified.
I don’t remember if I told my mom or not. I do remember being MORTIFIED at the thought of talking about it. It didn’t help that my mom is a nurse and has absolutely no shame or…hmm…tact isn’t the right word, but…circumspectness, I guess? about bodies. She’s seen it all and cared for people in many situations and, to her, bodies aren’t anything to be shy about. I, on the other hand, don’t respond well to matter-of-fact attitudes about bodily functions. Yes, they HAPPEN. Could we at least TRY to hide it? It’s just not polite conversation!
Actually, what I think happened is that I confided in my sister (who is 2 years younger) and she went and told my mom. I considered it an egregious case of tattling, but was also pretty relieved she’d torn off the band-aid and I didn’t have to do it myself.
I do think one of the best side effects of having babies is that I’m much less shy about my body now. I’ve definitely talked about postpartum periods and many other things with girlfriends without a shred of embarrassment. I think I had to go through the whole pregnancy/birth/postpartum stuff to get to the point where I’m prepared to talk to MY daughter about periods! I’m still not relishing it, and I’m not as terrified.
Oh! One of the best things, though, is that when my school had the big class on body stuff in fifth grade (boys separated from girls, though we were told what the other class was talking about which I found REALLY WEIRD. Fifth grade me did NOT want to hear about wet dreams) all the girls were given a pad and told to keep it, along with a spare pair of underwear, in our backpacks. That gave me so much comfort. The nurse emphasized that if we needed any help at all or extra pads to come straight to her, but, while she was sweet, knowing that I had the supplies to deal with it on my own and I wouldn’t have to tell a soul made me feel much better.
I’m definitely going to make sure my daughter has the same – not only so she has a plan if it happens, but also because it helped me with the concept that it really could happen at any time so I wasn’t blindsided. (It didn’t end up happening at school the first time, though.)
I never thought about supplies in the backpack, that is a fantastic idea! My daughter is only 18 months so I might have to write that down somewhere.
Oh my gosh, this reminds me that I used to carry around a tampon starting in 5th grade, because we got a box when *we* had that boys and girls separated chat. Horrifyingly enough, I had a hole in my backpack, and it fell out one morning before school, and a boy — A BOY — found it in the schoolyard. Luckily there was no proof it was mine, or I would have likely died right then and not been here today to share this anecdote.
I’m hoping for a late puberty for my daughter, not because of not wanting her to grow up but because she has migraines and I’ve heard they get worse at puberty. Anyway, she’s newly turned 9, small for her age, late to lose her baby teeth (she still has most of them), and I was 11.5 so I don’t think it’s imminent.
I did tell my mom the day it happened.
I managed to keep it hidden from my mother and sister for about a year, and when I was found out I made it VERY clear I did not want to talk about it.
I got my daughter (9) the same book you link to, but the newer version (The Body Book for Younger Girls) and she’s been very keen on it and has asked me questions for clarification on a few points. I’ve been very honest that it’s a great thing to be growing up and hitting these sorts of milestones, but also that periods can be inconvenient and kind of suck sometimes. I definitely plan on celebrating with her when she gets her period, but I’ll give her some options (dinner out with just me? with the family? an outing with a friend or two of hers? a small gift to mark the occasion but no out-loud fanfare?) and ask how she wants to celebrate.
I’ve seen cute supply kits for sale online that girls can carry in their backpacks, but I suppose it would be just as easy to stuff a cheap pencil case with the necessary items. For sure I’m going to make sure she’s got something with her at school by the time she’s ten, just in case she’s an early bloomer.
Oh god. I was 12 and my mom hadn’t talked to me about it all & I really had no clue (I was still playing with Barbies). My mom was at work and when she got home I showed her (both terrified & completely embarrassed) my underwear and said I thought I had gotten my period but didn’t know what it was supposed to look like. I think it’s SO weird that she didn’t talk with me about it because my little sister started getting her period at SEVEN (she was soon put on medication to suppress it). I was WAY more open with my oldest daughter (14 now) so she wouldn’t be scared, would know what to expect, etc. My parents kind of (lovingly) dropped the ball on a lot of things. No sex talk, no drugs/alcohol talk. But they never really engaged in that stuff when they were kids, so I guess they assumed we wouldn’t. I remember coming home high as a kite or drunk a few times (when I was WAY too young to be either) and they didn’t have a clue!!!
I didn’t tell my mom either, because I could just think of NO WAY to share that information.
It’s not exactly something that comes up! Also one of my friends got her period the week before I did and her mom threw her an embarrassing/humiliating woman/goddess/first period/fertility party. As a surprise. Like with her friends there (like with me there) and none of us KNEW that was coming, and we were in junior high, and no. I did not realize that embarrassment at this level was a possibility, but once I did, I was horrified. And while I was pretty sure my mom wouldn’t do such a thing (she hadn’t done it to my sister), I HAD been pretty sure that NO MOM would do that to their daughter, so all bets were off.
Anyway, eventually she asked me and I said yes. I didn’t have to have a surprise fertility goddess party with my embarrassed teenaged friends.
Oh it was about a month before I turned 14.
Your comment made me remember this video, hee.
I definitely didn’t tell my mom. She found a pad wrapper a few months later and asked if I needed them. I was 12, in 6th grade.
She did try to take me to a class for mothers and daughters on “your changing body” when I was 11 or 12. After being there for maybe an hour (it was a full day thing) I started bawling because I was so uncomfortable. So we went to lunch and shopping instead.
It got my period a few days after I turned 10. Having developed early in other ways — breasts at 7! — my mom had talked to me about what to expect, but still I was shocked when I woke up to blood everywhere. Mom let me stay home from school, and she took me shopping for new Cabbage Patch clothes. Ha.
I remember having to keep my pads in the school office because it was elementary school and we didn’t have lockers yet. Also there were no trash cans in the bathrooms, so I’d just stuff the used one in my pocket. Ugh. Everything about it was miserable and humiliating.
My Ped told us that armpit hair was a sign your period was imminent. And since I had one who started developing early, we started talking early. So for maybe a year before hand (she started in the first week of 5th grade, and her twin 6 months later) they both told me (and still tell me).
Funny story though, the one who started first was fascinated with the shedding uterus part of the talk (and relieved by the every girl in your class will have to deal with this), but she used to call it SHREDDING your uterus. As in she’d say–so when do you think my uterus will start to shred? I’d say SHED, and that’s called your period and I don’t know we’ll see.
Thanks so much for this post! I plan to order that book. (My daughter is 7.) Do you also recommend a similar book for boys? My son is 10 and on the cusp of some major changes.
I didn’t get my period until I was 15. (I kind of felt like a freak because it started so late.) My mom is a social worker and was great about no-nonsense discussions about such things. I try to do the same.
This is the one I bought for the boys: What’s Going On Down There? Answers to Questions Boys Find Hard to Ask. We also have a few Robie Harris books.
I was 13 and in 8th grade. I do remember being excited like the girls in the book were, just because I was the LAST of my friends to get it and it felt like a secret club I wasn’t part of. My mom kept trying to tell me it wasn’t all that great, but I didn’t believe her till I got it at school unprepared the Friday before Thanksgiving break with a billion relatives in my house. And I remember being completely paranoid and thinking I probably shouldn’t wear even a white SHIRT, because I might geyser all over, who knew?
Also, I have a friend whose mom bought her a huge bouquet of flowers with Congratulations balloons and had them delivered to the school the day she started. She had to carry it around all day and come up with a convincing lie about why she ought to be congratulated, all while dying inside. :)
I got my period just after I turned twelve, while at school. Kept going to the office to call my mom and couldn’t get ahold of her, didn’t want to tell the secretary what was going on, stuffing toilet paper in my pants…it was AWFUL. then I finally got ahold of my mom, and she asked if I was ok and I said yes and that was pretty much the extent of that talk, wtih the exception of her poking her head in my room when I got home and informing me there were supplies in the bathroom cabinet for me. i was mortified and felt awful and spent the next probably ten years or so getting raging, incapacitating cramps. I really HOPE my daughters will be more comfortable with the entire topic, I try to be super open and matter of fact, but I guess they will still feel how they feel about it.
These stories are so awesome to read :)
My first period was on the day of my 14th birthday (I noticed it after PE class and yes, I also for a few very embarrassing seconds thought I had pooped my pants). I don’t remember if my mom talked to me about it before. Knowing her she probably asked at some point if I had any questions, but I felt I knew everything I needed to know from friends who got it before me and from a book that was called ‘Sheila inside out / outside in’ or something like that (can’t find the book anywhere, so maybe I’m not remembering that right).
The best part was that when I came home, the living room was filled with family members who had come to celebrate my birthday, so I followed my mom into the kitchen at some point to talk to her alone and tell her. Can’t remember much about it, so it was probably quite a matter-of-fact statement from my side. A little while later she had apparently told my dad, because when I walked into the kitchen my dad said “I heard you got your period. You do realize you can get pregnant now, do you?!?” Right. Just what was on my mind as a 14-year old who had had her first kiss just 3 days before that…
After all the family members had left, my parents gave me a package with a huge soft towel, nice soap, and pads and tampons. My mom told me later this had been sitting in her closet for 2 years, because she got her period at barely 12 years old. It was lightly embarrassing but it felt appropriate – they didn’t ignore it like some friends’ parents, nor make it into something huge by taking me on a trip or something (like other friends).
All of this to say: books are awesome, because they can be read whenever and wherever, and knowing your mom is open for questions is also great.
I know she’s uncomfortable talking about it (I was) but she needs to be glad that you are willing to talk about it. I had an aunt who thought she had internal bleeding from doing the splits too often…a nun had to explain it to her.
I HATED talking about it with my mom. She tried a few times and I listened, but we didn’t get into much detail. She bought me a pack of the pads that they marketed towards teens and those were in my closet for a few years.
I got my period in August before 8th grade (I was 13). As it happened, I was home alone with my mom that night (and with 4 siblings that didn’t happen often) AND she wanted to watch Steel Magnolias with me. I remember sitting there watching that movie thinking that it was the exact wrong type of moment I wanted to tell her–so cliche. But I did.
I don’t recall Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret having a ton of actual information. I vividly remember the first one who got her period saying it sometimes felt like something was dripping and that I thought the belts were weird. I also remember thinking that the stuff that was dripping was white, and was slightly shocked when I got my period and discovered that it was, in fact, red.
I don’t remember my mom talking to me about all of the “becoming a woman” stuff (see comment above re: color), but we did watch a really stupid video about it in sixth grade. I think it’s ingrained in newly-pubescent girls’ DNA to be horrified by their mothers addressing uncomfortable topics.
These comments are so fun to read; feels like a girl power pow-pow!
My mom was good about trying to discuss puberty and sex with me throughout those years, but I was always so uncomfortable when she brought it up. I had also paid attention in health classes at school and had discussed a few things with friends so I generally knew some of what she was trying to tell me about.
We aren’t tampon wearers, so I recall some matter-of-fact mother-duaghter conversations when away on vacation or at the cottage when my mom wasn’t swimming with us.
I didn’t get my period until 8th grade, I was 13. So, there had been enough puberty lessons prior to that to know I should expect a period any time. I don’t recall if it was a school day or not, but I do remember waking up in the morning and seeing it had begun, and then going downstairs in my pajamas to look for my mom…. And she was in the kitchen, and so was my grandfather having his breakfast. I remember trying to just get her attention, and then begging her after not to tell my dad or grandpa. Ha!
I remember really wanting my moms support and really not wanting my dad to find out. Makes me laugh now, having a husband of my own and realizing how much my dad would have already known about periods. Lol!
When my mom had the Sex Talk with me, my first question was, “Does Daddy know?” Um. Let’s go over this again… Difficult for girls to understand that boys/men know all about this stuff for reasons of their own!
I was 12 and I did tell my mother. I remember thinking it would be a bigger deal than it was. It was later summer and I was supposed to mow the lawn that day. I thought I might be able to get out of mowing the lawn since I had my period. No such luck. I was merely told where the pads were and asked if I knew how to use them. I was disappointed at the matter-of-factness and lack of special treatment. And then I mowed the lawn. I don’t remember my first period being especially heavy or painful though.
I have two stepdaughters, 15.5 and 14. The 14 year old actually got her period first and didn’t tell anyone, not even her mom. I think she must have stolen pads from her friends. The older one has never been shy about anything and told us right away, including about her sister (because after the older one got it, the younger felt she could confide in her). I personally have periods from hell and I’m okay with people knowing it, and I think that may be why my younger stepdaughter will occasionally tell me the real reason she needs Advil (not “growing pains” as she tells her dad). Let me just say, she skips school A LOT at pretty consistent intervals and I’m not going to be the one to stop her.
I was 11 1/2, nearly 12, ad at first was incredulous it was even happening. I went to the bathroom during the last period of the day in the fall of sixth grade, and there it was. I was (and am) close to my mother, but I didn’t tell her for almost a year afterwards because I felt incredibly ashamed about it (for no good reason). Irrationally I worried that she would be disappointed I was growing up and I wanted to protect her from that. We’d talked about periods once or twice previously but she was clearly embarrassed by them. She’s gotten her own at 10 and it was traumatic for her. I was aided in hiding it by the fact that after it came that first time when I was eleven, it was very intermittent until I was 14. I probably had it 5-7 times over those 2-3 years, and not at all during 8th grade. I used paper towels for the first few times until I told her, and I remember going to the doctor when it didn’t come at all for several months when I was 13-14, but being told it was no big deal.
I think it’s important to emphasize how it can take several years to become a regular thing.
I still remember the feeling of shame when I got it– I don’t know where that came from. And the immense feeling of sudden compassion I had for a quite mean girl in my grade, when she told me she’d gotten hers at 10.
Oh my gosh, this reminded me… When we had that girls class in 5th grade a classmate said matter-of-factly that she had had her period already. Prior to that I’d disliked her and considered her kind of a bully, but from then on I felt like we were secretly connected and close.
Yes! Same. This girl told me privately, and totally out of the blue, but her blatant anxiety and vulnerability about it was something that really humanized her for me (when previously I’d considered her quite snobby and mean).
I liked Judy Blume’s books, but I never understood why Margaret and her friends were excited and competitive about their periods. The general vibe about them among my friends was ashamed and sorrowful. :(
I never understood the competitive part either, but since I got mine later (almost 14) I remember wondering on a weekly basis where it was, and whether it would ever come. I didn’t want it, except to know that I was normal. When it finally came it was a relief, but I wasn’t excited about it.
I actually don’t remember how old I was, and I’m 20. It has never been a particularly awkward subject, although there was the time my dad bought me scented tampons. I probably tell my mother too much about it, but I love my menstrual cup and want to get everyone on the cup bandwagon. So far it hasn’t worked.
The only real problem I ever had was hr unpredictability and then really heavy flow. I went on the pill at 16, and it has been like clockwork since.
I’m trying to get all my friends on the cup bandwagon as well! What an awesome invention.
I was the self-appointed (parent approved) puberty coach for “my” girl (nannied for her from age 6-14, and we still hang out regularly). When we first started talking about sex/consent/puberty, she would totally disengage and try to change the subject. By the time she actually got her period, she agreed to a mini-celebration of just the two of us, during which she cracked open a uterus piñata I made her and we made tamponimals (animals made out of tampons) together*. She’s now, at age 15, totally relaxed and groovy about all of this. Like, can have a casual conversation about many “sensitive” subjects.
Anyway. This book is the best: http://smile.amazon.com/Its-Perfectly-Normal-Changing-Growing/dp/0763668729/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1428569636&sr=1-1&keywords=it%27s+perfectly+normal I want to buy it in bulk and hand it out on the street corner, because it is SO GOOD. Matter of fact. A little bit silly. Discusses nearly all of The Things That Should Be Discussed. (Focusing on the silly images was a good “in” when A was still awkward about all of this stuff.)
A got her period at almost-13, and told both her mom and me right away. I got mine at 13 I told my mom (miserably). She was great.
*Pictures of finished product available upon request. Her mother arrived home mid-project and was… stunned. Confused, but somewhat impressed.
I was a really early reader and read Are You There God in third grade or so. It disturbed me so badly. I remember going to talk to my parents late at night because I was so disturbed by it I couldn’t sleep. It was just too much growing up for me at the time.
I was totally mortified by the whole thing. My mom had been very through in educating us (books starting with picture books as wee little kids), sex ed every year from 4th grade on) but she was so uncomfortable discussing it and I’m a private enough person that I would have been perfectly happy to have never had to discuss it ever. Of course, I had to, because we had a two bathroom house and the front bath we used didn’t have any supplies. Naturally, it took my younger brother about 2 seconds to put together what must have happened and for ages after that he would listen at the bathroom door and if he thought he heard any rustling, tease me about being on my period. Sigh.
Like other commenters, I remember reading books where the characters were anxious for their periods to start and thinking they were from another planet. Breasts, hair, menstruation, I wanted none of it.
I was two months shy of my 14th birthday when I got mine. It was right after I got to school, on my way to my first class. I had a couple quarters in my locker for just such an occasion, so I bought a pad from the bathroom vending machine, tied a sweatshirt around my waist to cover the spot on my jeans, and told my mom when I got home. I think that’s how it went. Or maybe I called her to come get me at lunch so I could change clothes. I told her not to tell my dad.
When my dad picked me up from school the next day (separated parents = a few nights at mom’s, a few nights at dad’s, back and forth) he drove past our house…
Me: “Where are we going?”
Dad: “We need to run an errand. We’re going to the store.”
Me: “What for?”
Dad: “Paper products.”
So here I’m thinking we’re going to go buy paper plates and napkins and plastic silverware or something, and then my dad walks me over to the aisle with all the feminine products and says “okay, pick out what you need”. I was sooooo embarrassed — first of all, that he KNEW, and second of all, because I had NO IDEA what to pick out. I had just been using my mom’s stuff, and what she had stocked in the bathroom for me. And of course there are tons of different brands and all different sizes and shapes of things. I had to stand there with my dad and try to figure it out. As an adult, I’m not embarrassed by the section anymore, but it still takes me forever to figure out what I need. It seems like every time I go, the packaging has changed.
Also, PAPER PRODUCTS?? He couldn’t have given me at least a hint of the embarrassment that was to come so I could prepare myself or ask to go in alone???
Oh, and my mom told her coworkers and they decorated a tampon with stickers and ribbon and had her deliver it to me. For some reason that wasn’t nearly as embarrassing and we had a good laugh about it.
As for conversations beforehand, health class started covering this sort of thing in 4th grade, and they gave us books and information that I read by myself every once in a while. It was embarrassing in class and when my mom talked about it, but I remember feeling really relieved to know more anytime I learned something new. I like to know what to expect. I also read Are You There etc around that age (4th grade) and a bunch of times after. The materials (yes belts) are totally outdated but the general feeling of OMG WHAT IS HAPPENING and happy-to-know-I’m-not-alone still resonated with me.
Puberty-related: When I got my first bra, Beanie Babies were really popular. My mom bought me one as a gift to mark the occasion: an owl named Hoot. “Get it? Because you’re getting hooters! Ahahahaha!”
I got rid of all my other beanie babies but I still have that one. He sits on top of my dresser. :-)
I am dying to read all of these comments, haha. I was a late bloomer, didn’t get my period until 13 1/2, and I definitely told my mom because who else was going to buy me some lady products? The ONLY lady talk we ever had was when I was 6 and reading are you there god, and I stopped to ask her to confirm that when they said “period”, they didn’t mean the dot at the end of the sentence. She started to launch into an explanation and I was like “NO SPEAKING, it was a yes or no question.” I didn’t make the move to tampons until I was 15 and only because I knew my friends used them, and when I asked her to buy them she actually said to me that some people think wearing tampons means losing their virginity…but like, in a way that made me think SHE thought that kind of too??? I laughed in her face. I also later yelled at her for not telling me that tampons were FAR LESS DISGUSTING than pads and that I wanted the last 24 periods back. I was kind of a jerk child.
My strategy has been to make it no big deal since day one; the 3 and 5 year old know that grown up ladies bleed sometimes, and a tampon is kind of like a Band-Aid for it. I realize that’s probably weird and some day they may comment on a blog how their mom scarred them, haha.
Anyway, Are you there god is SO VERY OUTDATED (the pink belts! I still don’t get how that worked), but probably worth a read anyway, then maybe you could actually use the weird outdated-ness to explain how it works these days in a way that doesn’t make her cringe?
“should” is a killer. Avoid that verb. That’s what killed anything from my mother to me. I hated my mother, and the “should” was a part of it. There’s no should; there’s just a person. Also consider teaching her to use a tampon, if you can. Present it as an option.
When I read the first line, I thought no, Swistle must be wrong. There is no way, they are too young. But I guess I was 11 so that’s not too far off…sob. I did tell my mother but she didn’t believe me at first :(
Age 12. I cramped for two days in advance, then woke up in a puddle of blood. Mom’s a doctor. I was all “you handle this, lady, and make it better STAT.” So we knew it was coming, and she let me take a day off of everything to read and eat a whole package of Oreos by myself. I was pretty aggrieved when she made me start doing errands again a day or two later. She was pretty much, “Kid, I feel you, but life doesn’t stop for periods.” And I’m going, “Yeah, but back to that book-and-Oreo thing. That was great.”
I was 11, and in 6th grade. I was using the restroom at my mom’s office when I realized I had started. I had stolen my older sister’s period book ( http://www.amazon.com/The-Period-Book-Everything-Dont/dp/0802777368 ), so I think I was pretty well prepared. She was in the next stall over, so I whispered to her that I needed a pad. She took me out to dinner that night to “celebrate” which I thought was the dumbest thing ever at the time, but now it seems sweet. I was the first of my close friends to start, and I remember passing notes to them in class the next day to share the news. I think it freaked them out a little bit, oops.
Thank you for this, Swistle. My daughter is 10 and I last tried to talk to her about periods about 6 months ago, I think it was. She mostly screamed EWW and AARGH at me (which I don’t blame her for!!!) and shut down the conversation very quickly. So this was a good reminder for me.
I brought it up again in the car this morning. She’s autistic and tends to glom onto certain things as reasons to scream, and I think this is the latest. But when I mentioned that her 5 y.o. sister will have it too, and 5 y.o. protested, 10 y.o. turned to her and parrotted what I’d just told her in a VERY REASONABLE VOICE, which cracked me up.
I like the tips here about buying supplies and leaving them where the kid can get to them without needing to ask. And I’ll keep bringing up things like this.
I bring up things like sex now and then too, and she gets very horrified about that as well. So we haven’t talked about the physical aspects much. Mostly I’ve been reassuring her that she only has to get married if she wants to, she only has to kiss someone if she wants to, and so on. I am big on talking about consent to my 14 y.o. son too (for his sake and for any boyfriend/girlfriend he may have) but this is a different angle on it!!
For me, my mother told me some basics in a very clinical way. Didn’t tell me anything about what it would feel like. But she was very calm and matter of fact about it all, very low fuss, and that part of her attitude was an excellent help for me. I got mine at 12, I think it was, and my older sister got hers at 13. So I didn’t like it but it came in quite gently the first few times, which helped. I wasn’t appalled by it at first.
Oh, and I’ll be forever grateful to my mother for one time when I had some friends over for a sleepover. One of the mattresses was stained a little in the middle and she calmly directed my dad to turn it over before putting the sheet on. My dad was going “what, why?” but did it without undertstanding, and none of my friends saw.
I was 11, and it was 1977. We had seen the video at school and my best friend had started hers some time prior, so it wasn’t a big deal. I don’t remember having an actual discussion with my mother except for her insisting I had to wear pads, not tampons, so I would keep my virginity. Which I knew was stupid, but there is no talking to my mother on certain issues. Not only did I have to wear a pad, I had to use a belt. Not only that, I didn’t get to have a new belt that came free with every pack of pads, I had to use one of my mother’s stretched out, old, washed a zillion times belts. Why? Because that’s how it is done. No talking to her. The whole pad thing was the grossest thing ever, in forever, and the afternoon of the 1st day of my second period I figured out how to use tampons and never looked back. I told her I was using tampons 6 months later.
After the whole pads no tampons thing, Mom was pretty cool. I had horrendous cramps the first day and she always let me go home from school if I called her – we lived in walking distance. My girls and I had frank and honest discussions about all aspects if periods and sex from the time they were 8 as I wanted them to know. They were pretty accepting. Eldest started hers the day before sleep away church camp, so I talked privately with her teacher. I can’t remember anything about when 2nd started hers, but she has horrible, horrible cramps for 3 days. So bad I took her to the doctor. We tried the pill for 3 months, along with higher dose pain killers. The pill didn’t lessen the pain, but shortened the cramp time down to 2 days. The pain killers took care of the pain. We elected not to continue the pill since it didn’t help enough. She knows when she’s going to start and takes a pain pill before bed the night before, then keeps taking them for the 3 days (I pill, 2x a day).
OMG, when you first mentioned “Are you there God” I thought, “Yes, I remember reading that, that’s a good choice – but maybe explain about the belts and clipping pads to thing part first.”
Did I tell my mom? I’m not sure, but wait to hear how my first period started. The day after Thanksgiving when I was twelve, I woke up and didn’t feel good – it wasn’t nausea, but it was in the lower abdominal area. Thinking over the fact I had eaten a lot the day before and reviewing what I knew about stomach distress from watching television ads, I decided that I must have heartburn (no, it wasn’t a burning sensation in my chest, but I was twelve and had never had it, so I didn’t know). My Dad knocked on my bedroom door, wanting to know why I was still in bed, and I said, “Dad, I feel sick.” I described how I was feeling to him, and he said, “Oh, you’re probably starting your period.” (my father is not in the medical profession, he was an electrician). I was mortified and yelled, “Dad, don’t be gross!” Geez. Cut to a couple of hours later when I went to the bathroom and found a surprise in my underwear. My dad was right – and later, when my older brother came down the stairs, my dad turned to him and said, “Pat – your sister is a woman today, she started her period.” Yes, I melted into a puddle of embarrassment on the spot. So I either told my mother about it so I could get supplies, or my father announced it to her.
I remember the Girl Scouts put on an after school thing to explain periods to all of us girls in 5th or 6th grade. We all watched a movie in the elementary school library. This would be about 1980 and it was horribly outdated at that time. After we all watched this movie in uncomfortable, horrified silence some of the moms showed us what products they used. I remember one of the moms used tampons and we were all mystified as to how they worked. She took one out of the package and showed us how it worked in the air and we all gasped in horror about how gross it was. I remember the next day some of us talked about it at recess and we all concluded that mom must be a whore for using tampons. Now remember this was before all the period commercials on TV so we were all flying blind prior to that experience.
After that all of us girls carried dimes on us in case our period started at school. We also discussed the yellow stains on our underwear and how that must be a sign that our periods would start soon.
My mother never discussed any of this info with me because we weren’t that type of family. She didn’t even know I had had my period until I used a half box of her OB tampons trying to figure out how to use them so I could go swimming.
I HATED talking with my mom about puberty stuff, and it seemed like she wanted to talk about it CONSTANTLY before anything had even happened in that vein. She gave me “Are You There, God?” when I was maybe 8 or 9, and that book freaked me out. Plus it had all this other irrelevant stuff in it about her being torn between two religions, and I don’t know. It just made me uncomfortable, though I loved other Judy Blume books.
Anyhow, my mom also took me (very much against my will) to this presentation and Q&A thing at our local hospital about puberty. They had the parents go to a separate session so that the girls could ask questions openly. That was actually pretty informative, plus they gave us starter packs of pads and stuff, which ended up coming in handy because I started my period much earlier than I expected to — I was 11 and my mom was away for a conference so I was just home with my dad. I was so mortified and filled with fear and shame, and I didn’t say anything to him about it because I just felt so messed up. When my mom got home, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her but I had used up the starter pack so I HAD to say something. I ended up writing a note to her, which I threw into the front seat as I got out of the car at ballet. It said something extremely sad and awkward about how I had started my period and needed supplies but I didn’t want to talk about it. When she brought the stuff home for me, she showed them to me and I tried not to die of embarrassment and I cried and UGH UGH UGH, it was awful. I hope your daughter (and mine) has a much less FRAUGHT experience. I don’t know why I was such a freak about everything.
I was eleven and initially didn’t tell anyone. But I apparently didn’t pay attention in the school girls only presentation because I thought it happened once a month – as in one day a month. So by day three, I think I might be dying and tell my brother who told my mother who gave me an embroidered wall hanging about women and friendship and such.