Volunteering at the school is continuing to go well. The key, I think, is that the particular activity I volunteer for (which I’m not mentioning because it’s precise and unusual enough to be searchable/recognizable, without being particularly interesting or adding anything to this report—something like “cleaning the school’s ping-pong tables” or “setting tables for the once-weekly Public Speaker lunches”) is an activity that doesn’t have many hours of volunteering available: volunteers are only needed about two days a week for about two hours each time. So even if there were problems with other volunteers not showing up for their shifts and the office calling me to come in (which hasn’t happened so far), the amount of time couldn’t really get out of hand.
And, the way this particular activity is set up, volunteers tend to sign up for only one shift every week or two, which is what I’m doing. It’s perfect: I feel like I’m getting all the benefits of volunteering without the burdens.
Since I’ve mentioned the benefits and burdens, I’ll list some of the ones I’m finding. First, the benefits:
1. Getting to know the office staff, so that they know who I am when I call or send in a note. This has made a huge difference in how easy it is for me to call with something awkward like, “I didn’t send in a note, but I need to pick up Edward in 20 minutes.” It helps me so much to have the person on the other end of the line know who I am as soon as I say my name; I’m not sure why, but it does. Part of it is that because they know me, they see me as one person making one request, rather than yet another person making yet another request.
2. Getting points/credit from the office staff. They now think of me as a Friendly and Reliable parent who Helps and Participates without Causing Trouble.
3. Getting more familiar with the school building and routines, which also makes me feel more comfortable there.
4. Social time with other volunteers. It can be a very nice way to get a little social contact if you’re feeling parched for it. And if you would like more friends but don’t know how to meet them, this is a good method to try once the kids are in school.
5. Feeling included/useful.
6. If I ever want a paying job in the school system, I suspect this would help.
7. Self-satisfaction. It’s a little like exercise: right before I do it, I’m thinking, “Aw, man, I don’t want to do this. *whine*” Right after I do it, I’m thinking, “That was GREAT. I feel GREAT. I should do this MORE!” When I leave my shift, I feel perky and happy and energized, even if I arrived feeling sullen and crabby.
The downsides of volunteering, based less on my own experience and more on the experiences of some of my fellow volunteers who do a TON more volunteering than I do:
1. Once you’ve shown a willingness to do work for free, there are a number of people who would like to get in on that action. It didn’t happen to me all year so I thought I was under the radar—but just last week the school called and asked me to volunteer for something else. Some of us find it difficult to say no to a direct request, even if we want to. Some of us start feeling like pushovers/suckers to be doing free work for people who are themselves getting paid to work.
2. I notice there’s a correlation between number of hours volunteered and level of disdain for other parents who choose (absolutely legitimately) not to participate in that particular hobby. There is a change in perspective, I think, to something like “I’m choosing to work for free, so other people should feel obligated to do the same or else they’re unfairly and inconsiderately ditching Their Share of the Work on me.” I think that’s one of those parasitic feelings that causes significant damage to its host. So far I’m doing just the right number of hours: I feel happy with my own volunteering hobby, without feeling as if my volunteer hours obligate other people to volunteer too.
Overall, I recommend the experience. It was scary to me at first, but quickly got less so—and the nice thing about doing work for free is that I felt less anxiety about making mistakes when I was learning than if I were being paid. Also, if you’re volunteering, you’re not going to get in trouble for chatting while you work, or for going more slowly than your maximum possible speed. And if things get bad, you can just say, “Sorry, my schedule has changed and I won’t be able to come in anymore.” So it’s still work, but it’s a more casual and fun kind of work than the kinds of work I’ve been paid for.
It’s also very pleasing to be talking to other volunteers, because they tend to be parents of children in the same school, so they often know things of interest or usefulness. Like, when there was something I didn’t know how to do (picking up someone else’s child after school), I was able to ask the other volunteers and one of them knew all about it and could give me all the details so I felt about a hundred times more comfortable about it. There also tends to be some good gossip about teachers and other parents, if you enjoy that kind of thing, which I do as long as it isn’t getting ugly and mean. Most of the stuff I’ve heard is more along the lines of who’s pregnant and who’s retiring and who’s moving away: stuff you could talk about with that person standing right there. There has been just a TIDGE of the kind of thing we oughtn’t to be talking about (but oh dear, it can be so fun in tiny doses), such as someone’s kid in trouble, or who’s getting a divorce, or a little venting about who’s very hard to work with. But it’s a nice group, so after a tiny bit of that, it stops and we move on to something else like complaining about our children.
If you’re looking for something similar, the technique I used was asking other people about their own volunteering experiences. If they responded, “OMG, it’s so awful, I mean it’s great of course and so fulfilling but I am SO BUSY and NO ONE ELSE IS HELPING ME,” I put a little NO WAY IN HELL checkmark next to that volunteer opportunity. If they said, “Oh, yeah, it’s cool: it’s just once a week and the kids are cute and I volunteer with my friend so we can get caught up on chatting,” and answered my follow-up question with “No, I haven’t had a problem with people asking me to do more and More and MORE,” I put it on my Sounds Good list.
It sounds like you have found the Holy Grail of volunteering! Just the perfect balance. I My male coworker w/no kids recently started volunteering at little league, and he was griping about all the parents who just drop their kids off and never try to help and they don’t even care about what their kids are doing at practice, blah blah blah, and the whole time I was thinking, “I always drop my kid off and head to the next pickup/dropoff place for the other two kids/and/or/ just want to take a moment to sit and have coffee without little Johnny badgering me for ONE HOUR, JEEZ. So yeah, I can understand and apply the principle there about the level of disdain.
YES, we have encountered this attitude at a few of the kids’ activities! I find it so baffling. This is the CHILD’S hobby/interest, not MINE, and I reluctantly allowed them to do it even though it meant a fair amount of hassle and expense. And if there had been something in the sign-up about the expected level of parental participation, I wouldn’t have signed the child up, because I don’t want to hire a sitter/driver for the other four while I participate in something completely outside my interests and skill-set.
I feel like this is also a potential lose-lose situation. there will be the coaches who are annoyed by parents who don’t stay, and the coaches who are annoyed by the parents who hover.
YES for me too! I recently admitted to hating hockey at my daughter’s end-of-season hockey team party and there were jokes about pulling out torches and pitchforks, but I cannot stand hockey/being cold and I cannot skate. It’s just not my thing. When she’s older I will happily abandon the stands in the arenas for nearby coffee shops and just pick her up when she’s done.
my kids are grown and I miss volunteering in the schools. it’s how I made some really good friends.
I agree wholeheartedly. I’ve been shelving books in my kids’ school library (just Eve’s school now) since Eve was in JK, which is…..*counts on fingers*… SEVEN years ago, WAH. I wander around the school at will, my kids’ former teachers come in and chat when they see me, I feel totally comfortable there and I feel like I know the school much better consequently, and it’s confirmed my initial impression that it’s a really nice school. It’s a big school but I’m almost always the only volunteer – one year when the new library tech started she asked for more, and I felt a tiny bit snippy about it, but only a couple people came, and not for long, and then her and I became fast friends so it was all good. I also love the freedom of being a flaky volunteer rather than a responsible employee.
The woman who runs the daycare my kids go to after school is one of the constant volunteers at the school and I cannot count the number of times I’ve heard her complain about how little other people volunteer, leaving the same people to pick up the slack and do everything all the time. She has not, however, learned to accept that maybe not all the ideas generated at parent council have to be followed through on, and not everything that is currently done absolutely needs to be done if other parents don’t value it enough to help out. Her mantra is “somebody has got to do it!” so she runs herself ragged and resents it.
On the flip side, I saw a very snarky woman on the school facebook feed complaining and complaining about a one-time error made by the volunteers on pizza day, but then turning around and saying she had “a real job” and couldn’t help out. Granted, she probably can’t get away to volunteer*, but she doesn’t have to put down the efforts others are genuinely making and then belittle them for having the time to help that she does not.
*For what it’s worth, I get one paid volunteer day a year from my work and I feel lucky to have that – and I do spend it volunteering at the school.
I’m the type who prefers to volunteer with my checkbook, which is a far less visible type of contribution. I’m sure those who volunteer their time assume I am coasting along on their coattails, and there’s probably nothing to be done about that short of a telethon-style donation ticker outside of the office, which would be even MORE awkward and competitive.
Tessie, YES. I’m very grateful that I’m in a position to contribute financially, because the thought of being present at school events is horrifying. I get enough of middle-schoolers at home, plus, I just have other things to do. It would be nice not to be treated like some sort of leech on the volunteer system when I drop my kid off and flee. For pete’s sake, I’m the one who bought the damn pizza you’re eating. Ease up on the judgement!