I have a weird mind-exercise for you to try. Start by thinking about how old, approximately, your grandparents were when they died, if they have died. You might have to take an average, and feel free to err on the side of the older ones. Mine were all “in their early/mid 80s.” Then figure out what decade you’re likely to die in, if you live about as long. So if you were born in the 1970s, and your grandparents lived to be in their 80s, you’re likely to die in the 2050s. If you’re lucky.
It’s an exercise that is currently making me feel short-circuited. If I’m fortunate, I will die in the 2050s. That is when I will likely die, but no one would be shocked if it were the 2040s instead. And my parents are likely to die in the 2030s, but no one would be shocked if it were the 2020s. Again, that’s if we’re all very lucky. It is already the twenty-teens. I think it’s time to panic, don’t you?
I may be a little short-circuited to start with, because last night was the worst night we’ve had since we had a newborn in the house—and maybe the worst night we’ve had since we had newborn TWINS in the house.
In the evening, Elizabeth’s eyes got very watery and itchy, and her eyelids got pink and a little puffy-looking. I gave her benadryl, but if anything it seemed to make it worse. She fell asleep in my lap, crying. She’s 6 years old, so it’s been awhile since that’s happened. When she was fully asleep, I put her in her own bed. Later, Paul and I went to bed—but I already suspected we were in for it, because she’d cried several times in her sleep between the the time I’d put her down and our bedtime.
Indeed, we were in for it. About 15 minutes after I fell asleep (known as the “Hell Phase” of the sleep cycle), she started crying in earnest. I got her and brought her to our room, where she cried and sniffed and groaned, either awake or asleep, about every 15 minutes all night long, and asked for cold washcloths for her face. At 1:30 I got up to go to the bathroom and couldn’t believe it was only 1:30. I felt like I was in a weird fugue thing, where I was constantly drifting off and then getting immediately yanked awake, and the night was going on forever.
At around this time, Paul moved to Elizabeth’s empty room.
On one hand, this was very smart: he was getting more agitated by her agitation than I was (I was more despairing/worried than agitated), and that wasn’t helping; and if one of us could be more rested the next day, that would be nice for the household; and there was no reason to have us both up if the task only required one person.
On the other, more muscular, more resentful hand, this was bailing on parenting duties and leaving it all to me. And the night continued to be dreadful, so I had plenty of time to think about it. And around 2:00, Henry cried, and Paul didn’t hear him because the monitor is in our room. So I went down and handled Henry, who was having ear pain (did I mention the antibiotic he went on last week for his ear infections and strep didn’t work, and he’s started a new, stronger one but it still hasn’t worked either?) and also wanted to come up to our room. So then in addition to Elizabeth waking every 10-15 minutes, Henry was waking to talk in his sleep and/or kick Elizabeth and/or be kicked by Elizabeth.
Paul slept beautifully until morning. I woke up feeling like I’d lost my mind, or wished I could: a straightjacket would be so COZY and RESTFUL. And sure, there was a time when I would have taken a night like this in stride, or at least in stumble, but I’m out of condition: it’s like taking a former marathon runner who hasn’t run in several years, and asking her to just hit the track like before kthanx. I have become accustomed to nights that are briefly interrupted, 1-2 times/night max. I have become unaccustomed to nights that are interrupted every 15 minutes and include wonderings about whether my next idea for dealing with it is a good one or will RUIN EVERYTHING.
Elizabeth woke up in the morning looking like I felt: puffy swollen red-purple eyelids/undereyes, splotchy face, crying and miserable, very low fever (99.8 as measured at the doctor’s). I took her to the Saturday hours at another branch of our pediatrician’s office, and the doctor said it’s an allergic reaction to something. I started speculating: her new jacket? the tiny live pine tree on the dining room table? the assorted nuts-in-shells she was cracking? some other holiday-related thing? The pediatrician said we could drive ourselves crazy trying to figure it out, and for now let’s concentrate on trying to stop the reaction: claritin, antihistimine eye drops, benadryl. We did that all today and she’s still feverish (102 by my thermometer) and blotchy this evening.
So, current state of mind: “Is tonight going to be like last night? Wait, did the doctor NOTICE she had a fever? Doctors rarely even look at the notes the nurses took. Or maybe it makes sense that an allergic reaction would have a fever, since the body thinks it’s fighting something. But 102? Or maybe our thermometer is wrong. I know he said not to drive myself crazy trying to figure out what it is…but WHAT IS IT?? What if it’s the cats? What if it’s the nuts? She’s never had a problem with peanut butter, but these were tree nuts. But hasn’t she had tree nuts before? I’m sure she’s had tree nuts before. We have a tree-nut tree IN OUR YARD. Maybe she never had enough before. Maybe it’s only a contact allergy and so she’s having a problem because she she rubbed her hands in her eyes after using the nutcracker, but wouldn’t have had a problem from EATING the almonds/walnuts/acorns. Maybe she HAS had this before but it’s one of those ‘more each time’ reactions so it’s never been this bad before. Maybe next time it would be…let’s not think about that. What if it’s not an allergy but an illness? What if this is something we don’t get resolved this week, and it sweeps through the household / ruins Christmas? Why is Henry still having ear pain after four doses of the new/stronger antibiotic? What if this also means the antibiotic hasn’t handled the strep and he’s still contagious? And Edward’s anemia—EVERYONE IS FALLING APART.” Etc.
I think in general it’s understood that if someone tells you all about a situation and doesn’t say they DON’T want input, it means they welcome your input on it. Or at least, that’s what _I_ understand, both when I’m the teller and when I’m the hearer. But in case it would be better to say things outright: I welcome your input.
And/or, I welcome your telling me when you’re expecting to die. Maybe we can share a nursing home before that happens, if our Death Decades aren’t too far apart.
By my math, I expect to die in 2081. My grandparents lived to be in their 90s (I still have a great uncle who I believe is 99) and I feel that I am both in better health (for example, my walls are white, not YELLOW WITH SMOKE) and more spunky than my grandparents. So I plan to live to be 100, at least. Therefore, 2081. Although, I suspect no one will be shocked if it is in the 2060s either.
The Hell Phase of the sleep cycle is the WORST. I used to sit up in bed and moan when I was awoken during that in my early days of nursing.
I hope tonight is a better night.
I think this night you describe and Giselle’s post about the Worst Day of 2011 are top contenders for “Post That Makes Me Thankful for Whatever Kind of Crummy Day/Night I’m Having Because Swistle and/or Giselle Had it Much Worse.”
I understand the doctor’s stance on not worry, but if it were me I’d be concerned that just treating the reaction without taking care of the allergen is just, well, pointless. If it’s something in your house then you could be treating a reaction indefinitely while continually exposing her to the allergen.
Make a list of any and everything new she’s been around. Maybe a bug from the tree on the table even?
I don’t know. :( I hope she feels better, Henry too!
I’m a paediatrician in the UK. Kids can get allergic reactions with hives etc commonly from viruses. So it doesn’t have to something she’s eaten/touched. Viruses could also explain why antibiotics aren’t helping Henry…. I’d say if the fever’s getting worse or you’re more worried than you were earlier see a doctor. Otherwise use the recommended meds plus paracetamol and see how it goes.
this might be your best line ever- I woke up feeling like I’d lost my mind, or wished I could: a straightjacket would be so COZY and RESTFUL.
I’m sorry for your night. I wish I had an answer. My only guess is that she has strep also. One time we had an odd occurence of strep in 3 of 4 kids that included eye infections.
If still feverish, I’d want to see a doctor. Doesn’t sound like the “treat it and don’t worry about the cause” plan is really working. Just my opinion. But Charlie doesn’t really do fevers so at even a low-grade one, I’m on high alert.
FYI, live pine trees are FULL of pollen, so if she has pollen allergies she might be reacting to the tree.
Poor kiddo. It sounds incredibly stressful. And poor you! I hope you survive this.
Eeek! You poor thing!! First thing, Paul’s on duty tonight. Straight jacket your sweet self up and hide in another room. Second, I’m guessing strep too. But I’d call the doctor on duty at your ped’s office–no fretting!! that’s why they get paid the BIG BUCKS.
And I’d love to share a nursing home with you! Grand times indeed! Unfortunately we DON’T DIE here in my family. It’s gonna be a looong road. Meh.
I am honestly expecting to die at any minute. Not for any REASON. But – well, you know my fear of murderers.
I refuse to think about when my parents might die. Just the THOUGHT is enough to set off a bout of uncontrollable sobbing.
You mentioned claritin, antihistamine eye drops, and benedryl… but you did not mention any Tylenol. It’s my understanding that acetaminophen can help with fever reduction… maybe that will help?
I hope that you and Elizabeth get more sleep tonight. And that Paul was especially helpful and attentive today after all that sleep he got!
My maternal grandparents both died at 55 (cancer). My paternal grandfather died at 36 (congenital heart defect). My father died at 40 (same defect).
It’s sobering lineage, and my mother is 50. She’s not ill, but very likely will expire before the 2020s. I’m 23, so my number’s probably up (most optimistically) sometime in the 2060s. Sheesh. Seeing it written makes me think, “But I have so much left to do!”
I have no opinions, just get-well wishes for your kiddos.
For the death decade, I’ve got between about 25 and 75 years to go. People in my family either die really young (40’s) or old/really old (great grandma lived to 100). So I’m either about to go through my midlife crisis, or I won’t die until almost the next century. Cheers!
Because of little things like Eniwetok, I can’t do it–my grandpa was a Naval aviator who was ordered to do flyovers during the nuclear testing. The effects weren’t immediate, but eventually he got stomach cancer from it and died in his 50s. He probably would have lived into his late 80s, early 90s like the others if it weren’t for that. His wife, my grandmother, is still with us at 89, but she’s the only one.
Poor Elizabeth. Relay our best wishes, k? I’m allergic to a lot of stuff, so I empathize. I’m afraid since I’m only substitute Mommy 40+ hours a week, and rarely at night, I don’t–quite–relate… though Boo’s colic almost drove me nuts!
It’s so hard to TELL with the death thing, because our lifestyles are so different. For example: Adam’s family lives A VERY LONG TIME. As in, his grandmother died at 87, and everyone was LEGITIMATELY all, “So young. So, so terribly young.” Because of course, her mother was 99 when she died, and THAT was with a horrible lifelong heart condition. His OTHER grandparents also died in their mid-90s, and THEY ate nothing but butter and cheese and brisket braised with duck fat and never exercised. Oh, and they all smoked.
And Adam’s mom should be dead by now. She should be DEAD. She’s in her mid-60s, weighs as much as a blue jay, is diabetic AND anorexic and yet she GOES ON. RATHER UNEVENTFULLY.
So what, then, should we assume of Adam, who eats MUCH healthier, does not smoke or have an awful disease? That he’ll live to be . . . 120? (The number, by the way, scientists have determined is our maximum life span assuming nothing kills us first. Something about cell division, etc.)
Meanwhile, I had a night like YOU had the other night, but with ONE child, would would NOT stop having nightmares, and like you, I was TERRIBLY UNACCUSTOMED to such shenanigans and was a very unhappy ZOMBIE. I of course panicked, because I’m pregnant and am going to go through ALL of this AGAIN and OH GOD, but then I remembered that yes, I will be CONDITIONED for it, and it will not be that bad.
I have a very long-lived side of the family (my 85-year-old grandmother still has several aunts alive, only recently lost her MOTHER, almost her entire generation remains unrealistically spry), and a very short-lived side of my family (on my mother’s side, my grandmother, who died at 68, was the one who lived the longest of any of her five siblings, and her entire generation is long-since passed). My grandfather died when he was 85, and my other one is still alive at 90, so I sort of lump them together.
Anyhow.
I’m still not sure what side of the family I’ll take after, longevity wise, but when I calculate my retirement stuff, with all the pushing back of social security, I’m supposed to plan for retirement in the 2050s somewhere, which makes me CRAZY because what if I DIE in the 2050s??? I want some TIME. I want to RETIRE. And then ENJOY MYSELF. This was an illogical motivator for my career switch: More money so I can retire sooner so I can not work for a bit before I die.
And I worry about my mom dying young, since she’s of the dying-young side of my family. This would be devastating in its own right, but on top of that, my dad will most certainly live to be very old, and I don’t think he knows how to live without my mom. He has never in his life written a check, for instance. Or paid rent. Etc.
Ugh. Just awful, I’m so sorry.
I have used lavender essential oil for ear aches/infections with great success (it works on viruses and bacterial infections). Put a little bit around the outside of the ear. Get the best brand you can find (so you know it is potent enough- doterra is the best one, young living is good, too).
I’d focus on the live pine tree. If the oils got on her hands and then she rubbed her eyes, that could cause the hives. But the fever puzzles me. My son has had many similar reactions (due to dairy allergy), but no fever. Also, it should have calmed down by now if the allergen weren’t still irritating it. I think it’s the tree. Many people are allergic to pine.
I wish I had some wisdom on allergies/viruses/sleep. Or at least could offer some perspective on getting through it, but I’ve got nothing. I hope last night was better.
Regarding the age and death. My husband began outliving his father about 2 years ago at age 42. I think it’s pretty much mind-bending for him all the time. Although, I’ve also read it will get quite difficult for my husband when OUR son reaches the age Fritz was when HIS father died. For us, that will mean when Noah (our son) is 15. We shall see. I’m not looking forward to it.
Oh but Swistle! Don’t you know that we are going to be living forever in perfect healthy bliss because scientists will perfect some anti-aging wonder drug, along with a cancer cure, ANY DAY NOW?
(Don’t deny me this dream.)
As for your rough night, I have only sympathy (and a slight grudge against Paul.)
So sorry — those nights stink. Like you, when I have a night like that I cannot imagine how I made it through the first year of twins (and they were my only ones).
No real advice. But the high fever does sound rather non-allergic to me. My kids both have nut allergies and I’ve never read about having a fever with allergies. The problem is you can’t even google it because then you get a million “hay fever”s. But if she’s not better quickly, worth a Monday call to the doctor at least.
Not sure if this will make you feel better or worse, but on the life expectancy front… first, you’re likely to outlive your grandparents — life expectancy keeps going up. Second, here are two online calculators I make my students do when we’re discussing aging. Nothing like making 18 year olds think about these issues…
http://www.northwesternmutual.com/learning-center/the-longevity-game.aspx
http://www.livingto100.com/
I was going to say what both Sophie and Jen said above:
1) “a straightjacket would be so COZY and RESTFUL” is the best line in a post EVER
and
2) My daughter gets hives from high fevers caused by viruses (which if Henry has a virus in addition to strep and ear infections that would explain why the meds aren’t working) and could be what Elizabeth has
Either way, I sympathize.
Any chance the fever and the allergy-seeming thing are unrelated?
When I have a night like that, the part that kills me is when my husband falls asleep the next afternoon, just dozing off when watching a game or reading a book or whatever.
Since I take after my dad’s side of the family, I’m going to predict I die in 30 years. My grandparents both died young….I’m doomed.
My favorite line: “On the other, more muscular, more resentful hand…” This is a perfect, even democratic way to describe righteous annoyance.
Well. That sounds awful. And I kind of differ on the “task only needing one parent” because if it were me, I would want my spouse supporting me and me supporting him. And sleeping shifts. Here, you sleep for 3 hours and then I will come get you. When you are up every 15 minutes, 3 hours is a luxury.
Of course, it is over now. I am sorry you guys had to go through that. If the fever is still there on Monday, I would probably take her back to the doctor. I am not an allergy guru, I just know my own kids’ allergies. And I’ve never noticed a fever.
I know it sounds horrible, but you will make yourself crazy trying to pinpoint what it was. I would start to worry when it happened again. Of course that is easy for me to say. My kids slept through the night. Heh.
Also, I am going to live to be 100. Because…I am. Healthcare will get exponentially better. Science will advance life expectancy. So, I will be in the 2080s.
Many, many ear infections are caused by viruses, so I will echo the sentiment that antibiotics would not help with a viral ear infection (and its not really worth it for the doc to try and figure out whether the ear infection is viral or bacterial, so they often just go ahead and treat it like its bacterial and prescribe antibiotics without explaining all that).
I would suspect the pine tree as well. Is it small enough that you can put it outside for several hours and see if her symptoms improve?
Hey, I’m going to die in the 2050’s! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIEEEEEE.
I would suspect the pine tree. My husband and kids have allergies to pollen, etc., and that sounds like what would happen to them.
Hmmm. My death decade thing is DEPRESSING beyond belief. I have one grandmother who died of a stroke at the age of 57 (57!), one grandfather who died of a heart attack at the age of 64 and another who died of… something… at the age of 79. I never met any of those grandparents. The one grandmother I did meet died at the age of 82. That makes an average of 70 (holy hell!), meaning 2039 for me. That seems horribly, horribly close.
For Elizabeth, I’m with all those who’ve talked about pollen. That stuff is unspeakably evil and gives me various types of allergic reaction (blocked nose! sneezing! itchy eyes!) all year round. Not sure what to do about it (nothing works for me except Zyrtec, and even that only works a little), but she certainly has my sympathies…
When I got to the middle of this post I fully expected the ending to be…”ANd I kicked Paul out and the papers will arrive first thing Monday morning for hime to sign.”
No joke.
Here is my terrible input: she could be allergic to ANYTHING. I have awful winter allergies that cause a fever in grown-up me, and I am allergic to something you CANNOT CONTROL. (Dust!) But Tylenol along with allergy meds help me feel much more human, and also that salt spray up the nose. Of course, like the doctor said, IT COULD BE ANYTHING. Argh, I am so sorry. I hope you get some sleep soon.
Well, two grandparents died young, one absurdly so. Two are still alive: one is past 85 and the other just turned 90. But I am terribly klutzy and not the greatest driver, and I live in an area known for terrible drivers.
Ok, new subject! As for the potential allergen, I would think about new smells E may have encountered at home. Any changes lately in personal care products? See also: detergent, fabric softener, scented candles, etc.
At school, it’s just a weird time of year–visitors, treats, visitors bearing treats, etc. Or maybe a teacher opened a sanitizer with an irritating scent. There’s a million variables. So if you don’t nail down something in the house, I’d chalk it up to something at school and be done with it, unless the symptoms return. I hope everyone is feeling better soon!
My mom was adopted and my dad’s parents died from lack of health care (they lived in a 3rd world country) but my parents lived to their mid 70’s so that would make my death date in the late 2040’s or 50’s. Seems closer than I thought…Best get to work!!
I hope that last night was better for you because either the children felt better or Paul took HIS turn being up all night!!
I get depressed around the holidays, not much family still alive these days. But your Death Decades line was excellent. Thanks!
Oh good grief, I hope you got a nap today and a nice cold vodka beverage tonight.
Let’s see, my grandparents live a long long time, especialy the women. Several women on one side live well into their hundreds. Saying I’m going to die in my 90s, that puts me in the 2060s which is just bizarre to type.
I found this:
http://www.ndhealth.gov/Disease/Documents/faqs/Strep%20Pneumo.pdf
It says that a common bacteria that causes ear infections ALSO causes pink eye!! If Henry has an ear infection and the bacteria is in your home, perhaps Elizabeth touched it and then rubbed her eyes?
All four of my grandparents are still alive, so, never?
You have my sympathy regarding your torturous night, but I must admit I skimmed through most of that part because I have lived it.
I’m mainly attracted to your morbid exercise re: estimated expiration date.
About 10 years ago, my husband and I went to a fair and visited a physic who told me I would live to be 92. That would give me until 2066.
I don’t claim to take physics seriously, but based on my family history, I could make it that long.
I had a full set of grandparents until my grandfather died when I was 31 and he was 92. My other three grandparents are still alive, and the oldest is 93.
I had three living great grandparents until I was 15, and my great grandfather died in his 70’s (until me, everyone in the family had kids while they were practically still in their teens).
My next great grandparent died when I was 25, and she was in her 80s. My last great grandparent died about 2 months after I got married, when I was 29 and she was 99! Had she just held on for four more months…
But I don’t feel as invincible as I used to. This past year I had a health scare. I didn’t have cancer or anything like that, but I got really sick a year ago, and a congenital problem was diagnosed, requiring me to get an operation. I was expected to recover quickly and I did – after they finally stopped internal bleeding after a failed attempt, resulting in 3 operations in a 48 hour period.
I feel great now, but there really are no guarantees in this life.
One sobering thought is that since I had my kids in my 30s, they will be the same age my parents are now when I hit 92, if I make it that long. My parents don’t seem that old.
There was a Facebook question going around asking if “you wanted grandchildren before 50.” The question was clearly aimed at people under 50!
I said no, because my daughter will only be 18 and my son will be 15. But if my children following in my footsteps, and don’t have kids until their 30s and my grandchildren do the same, I will never live to see my great grandchildren, unlike my great grandfather.
Imagine only living into your 70s, but still seeing your oldest great grandchild reach 15!
Which reminds me. Right before my great grandfather died, my great grand mother was telling me and my Mom who they were proud to tell their friends they not only had grandchildren, but great grandchildren and the oldest was nearly 15 years old. And my great grandmother told me her friend mentioned that she could be a great great grandmother soon.
I rolled my eyes and told her not to count on it.
Oh the poor little one… my eyes swell like that when I’m exposed to allergens (for me it’s cats, pollen, or dust). So painful. But the fever sounds like it might be a virus … so maybe both allergies and a virus???? Hope all the kiddos are feeling better today and that you slept better last night (except for Paul, hope he didn’t).
Virus. Plus maybe an allergy that is being exacerbated by the virus.
I’m late to this, but just wanted to say I’m sorry and I feel your pain. I hate bad nights like that and then I hate even worse the dread I feel all the following day that I’m in for another bad night and that I might just totally lose it.
Hoping last night was better.
Based on my grandparents (half of whom are still in good health in their 80s, the other half of whom died in their 80s), I have until the late 2060s. Based on my great-grandmother, however, who died at the ripe old age of 102, I’m good until 2080.