“I don’t care who started it.”
“No, I don’t want to hear any more tattling. You just worry about YOUR behavior and let ME worry about HIS.”
“You can tell me what he’s doing if he’s bleeding or on fire.”
“What is it now? Did I carve it in stone? No? Then find something else to do or I’LL find something. Listen, I need to get some WORK DONE today, and I CAN’T if you keep BOTHERING me.”
“I am truly glad when you take into account what I might or might not condone, but it doesn’t matter one half of one rat’s buttular region what YOU condone—or, even less important, MIGHT APPEAR TO condone. Are you the parent here? No. So are you in charge? No.”
“I SAID NO MORE TATTLING!!! That’s it, go clean your room!”
Love it!
Swistle, you crack me up!
I think God would also approve of, “Seriously, you’re crying because of THAT?” He’s kinda insensitive sometimes.
Can I add “Yes it Hurts but if you had not been jumping off the couch/messing around on the stairs/swinging a yoyo at your sister you would not be hurt now would you?”
Now that I know God says these things, I don’t feel so bad about them coming out of my own mouth.
Things I imagine Jesus saying: “THANK YOU SO MUCH for, in MY name, keeping teh gays out of church. And for not letting teh gays get married. You understood my message PERFECTLY and I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!”
Oh, wait. That’s what my MIL imagines Jesus saying. Sorry. Got confused for a second.
AMEN
Ahahaha!! “Did I carve it in stone?” I’m thinking something along the lines of, “I let my son die for you, and you can’t even get me chocolate on Valentine’s Day?”
btw, I sent you an email. I hope it doesn’t go to spam!
I read this aloud to my husband, and my 7yo loved it, too. Um, I guess I really sound like God sometimes.
Funny funny. I love the No Tattling.
This is fabulous!
Awesome times infinity!
Those are awesome.
I always just pretty much imagine God laughing at me.
I am in love with you…
Or “Do you remember Abraham??? Hmmm??? And what I wanted him to do with HIS SON? THINK about that before you say your next sentence.”
(sadly, I had to google which Bible character almost sacrificed his son. and I am a preacher’s daughter.)
“It’s not your job to tell people the rules.” (One I use with Bub a lot too.)
Yessssss!
Haaaaaahahahahahaha! I think God says those things too!!
Hee! I also imagine God saying, “You got time to lean, you got time to clean.” Because apparently I envision God to be a lot like the manager I had at my mall job when I was 17.
I imagine that God also sighs deeply and rubs his temples often.
There is probably also a lot of “What did I JUST SAY?” :)
Can I make a poster for my fridge out of this? Purdy pleeze?
Huh. I always thought “BECAUSE I SAID SO!” would also be on that list.
How about “Don’t make me come up there, please!” or if I am on the phone and being interrupted for something trivial (and it always is) “Are you bleeding or have a bone sticking out of you?” :)
ABSOLUTELY.
Hysterical!
(and Marie Green–your comment totally cracked me up!!)