This morning our internet is down, and I am writing this post in the body of an unsendable email. I am, of course, feeling antsy about the internet being down. And this reminded me of something I’ve been irritated about lately: all the buzz about how if you feel antsy without your internet connection, that means YOU ARE ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET OH NOES!!!
I think I’ve mentioned before that I have a phone phobia. But when our phone is out, do I feel intense relief? No, I feel antsy. When will it be back? What if we need it? I keep picking it up to check if there’s a dial tone yet. I HATE AND FEAR the phone, but apparently I AM ADDICTED TO MY PHONE OH NOES!!!
If my car broke down, I would feel antsy and uncomfortable until it was working again. I’d keep thinking of things to do, and then going, “Oh, wait. No car,” and feeling unhappy. I’d be stressed about not having it. I would have trouble living my life without it. I am also addicted to my car.
If the postal workers went on strike and there was no mail, I’d be very unhappy indeed. No mail? AAAAGGGHHH!! Where is my mail? When will there be mail again? What do you mean I literally can’t mail anything?? I am also addicted to the mail.
I like to read. If I wasn’t allowed to read, I would have times every day when I didn’t know what to do with myself. I like to read while supervising the kids in the playroom. Reading keeps me from interacting with my children! I am addicted.
I am addicted to so many things! Food: I have to have some SEVERAL TIMES A DAY or I get upset. My washer and dryer: if they break down, I get stressed—and I get increasingly stressed with every day that goes by. Running water: if the water gets turned off so they can work on a pipe, I hardly know how to live my life. Pens: you should see how tense I get when I can’t find one!
I don’t struggle with this one myself, but I’ve heard there are people who exercise every single day. If they can’t do it, they say they feel restless and jittery. They NEED their exercise fix. “Natural high,” my ass: they are ADDICTED and should SEEK HELP.
Some people have jobs, and they spend HOURS AND HOURS A DAY doing them. They think about work even when they’re home. Sometimes they’re eager to get back to work, even though they were JUST THERE. Addicted, clearly.
From what I hear (hi, mom and dad and many of their friends!), some people enjoy sex. They’d rather not give it up. Get this: even when they don’t want children, they STILL engage in this now-pointless activity! Often with the SAME person, again and again over YEARS! Man, they are SOOOO addicted.
It’s possible to be accustomed to something without being addicted to it. It’s possible to enjoy something—even enjoy it IMMENSELY—and not be addicted to it. It’s possible to miss something very badly when it’s gone, and yet not be addicted to it. It gets pretty tiresome to keep hearing otherwise.
Oh man, you stole our line! When we get fed up with that whole addiction talk we always joke about being addicted to FOOD. And WATER. Gotta have it– every few hours, even.
Hear, hear!
I’m sick of hearing that too!
I keep going back to University, and have chosen a profession of being in a school, every day! I’m clearly ADDICTED to Education! Whatever will I do!?
Oh Swistle. I just adore you and your well thought out reasoned logical way of looking at things. I may, in fact, be addicted to Swistle.
I am addicted to AIR. I gulp it in ALL DAY AND NIGHT. Without it, I couldn’t go on.
What will they say when they find out I sleep EIGHT TO TEN HOURS A DAY? Help!
Emily
captainhambone.typepad.com
Oh wow, I’m addicted to a lot of those things. Pretty soon I’ll be addicted to meetings to help with my addictions.
Bwwaaahaaaaa. I’m showing my husband this post.
HA HA! Good points, those.
I think that I’d be addicted to those lemon muffins in that last post. With some tea (to which, I am fairly certain, I actually AM addicted.)
Oh Swistle, Im addicted to your blog! Ive never known another person who has a phobia of the phone. When I need to make phone calls, I save them all for the same day and then psych myself up and do them all really quick. I usually need help from family to get ready for it too. I had no idea others had such issues. Tomorrow, I have 9 calls to make and Im already worked up over it. Also: my internet was out this morning and I had no idea what to do with myself. If it was any other morning and the internet was working, Id have lots to do besides being online but just knowing I couldnt, drove me nuts!
I am tired of hearing about that. The internet is a part of life. I go home and my mom doesn’t even own a computer. It is very difficult to go without the internet. Not because I am addicted, but because it is my phone book, my direction finder, my calendar, and pretty much my friend communicator. Addicted? NO, Part of my life (just like you said)just like my car, my electricity, my tv.
You just made me realize that I’m addicted to Tom Brady, because now that I have to live without him for the season I’m getting antzy.
Oh Noes!!!!!
There you go — ranting and raving again. I think you’re addicted to ranting and raving!
LOL! This post is priceless.
You just saved me from my woes. Bookmarking this post now, thanks. :0)
Bummer. I was really hoping that you were going to be able to direct me to a 12 step program for work. Maybe next time?
hee!!! i shower nearly EVERY DAY. i am addicted! OH NOES!!!
Darn, cause if it was an addiction then I would have a reason to go on medical leave and still get a pay check without having to do my job.
Back to the drawing board.
PHONE PHOBIA – I JUST talked to my therapist about this last night. Turns out SHE has phone phobia. I mentioned it to a group on my Mommy Board – THEY have phone phobia. Is this some type of phone phobia epidemic? Why are we all afraid of the phone? WHY?
Swistle will you be my new best friend, pretty please?
Awesome post once again!
God, how I hate the telephone. I don’t mind when someone I want to talk to calls me, but having to call someone else, or dealing with people I don’t want to talk to, sends me right to the edge. Ugh. Hateful, interruptive thing.
I am also addicted to my Playstation, and to Starbucks and Lowes. And, apparently, to HGTV.
Nobody tells me that I’m addicted to the Internet. But if anyone ever does, I am now armed with the perfect response. Thanks.
I have many addictions, and don’t even try to fight them. They are my comfort.
But you forgot one important one: CABLE IS OUT-run for the hills, am forced to talk to humans.
Now, come on. You *know* you can’t move forward in your therapy until you *admit* that you are addicted. LOL.
I am reminded of my former MIL, who smoked. She told me I was addicted to food (I was 5’7″ and 120lbs at the time). Because I had the temerity to snack between meals. Yep, addicted to food! I am!
This is BRILLIANT! And hilarious. And I completely agree. My washer was struck by lightning and is fried. We are in week three and I am about to beat my husband to death because he hasn’t fixed it yet. And I don’t even do the laundry in our house.
Ahh, I feel exactly the same way!
Just because I inject the internet directly into my veins doesn’t mean I’m an addict. I can quit any time.
I never thought of like this! Brilliant!
I am addicted to using the bathroom! I sometimes even get up in the middle of the night to do it! I even encourage(bribe) my children to use it. Also, I totally freak out if we don’t get mail. Did they forget us? Where are my advertisments?
You are brilliant, Swistle.
My mental response to the “you’re addicted to the Internet” thing has always been, “yeah, well at least I’m not addicted to anything that’s going to KILL ME.” But I like your approach even better.
Amen, sistah!
LOL!! You crack my sh*t up! Seriously- I think I have an addiction to having addictions based on this post.
If if didn’t already love you, with an addicted kind of love, after this post, I would love you EVEN MORE. Someone call Intervention!
Hear, hear!! It’s a hobby that I truly enjoy! Why shouldn’t I do it? At least I’m interacting with other people (albeit, via internet without human contact…) unlike my husband’s love of his Xbox…