I feel the injustice of something this morning, and it is that middle-aged men can grow beards to hide their soft underchins and increasingly saggy necks, whereas middle-aged women cannot. These two inexplicably stealthy and fast-growing recurring chin hairs are not going to cover it.
Oh, this reminds me. At a recent get-together with friends, I noticed a friend had a stealth chin hair. I wondered if I should say something and offer to get it for her (I keep tweezers in my pocket AT ALL TIMES now), but I let uncertainty/anxiety stop me. Since then, I’ve wished I’d gone for it. It seems to me that, first of all, it falls securely on the safe side of the line Miss Manners has drawn to determine whether or not to mention something to someone: Is it easily fixable on the spot, or is it something they won’t be able to do anything about anyway, and so it will just make them feel awful? In this case, easily fixable.
Secondly, and more importantly so perhaps this should have been firstly, the conversation in this same group has turned to stealth chin hairs before, so I know that she is aware of them and that she is keen to remove them and that she has a sense of humor about them.
Thirdly, I would want HER to tell ME. I just HATE the way I sometimes don’t see one until it’s, like, half an inch long.
Fourthly, it seems to me that such a thing falls into the category of friendship-increasing activities. That is, once you have helped a friend tweeze a chin hair, is there any way to avoid that making the two of you closer than before? I think not.
[Edit: I wish I’d asked commenters to divide themselves first into groups of “Would you have loud, uproarious conversations with your friends about chin hairs, or not?” Because what I’m wondering is, are the people who would want to cry/die ALSO people who would joke loudly? Or are we in groups of “Would never joke about it and would cry/die if someone pointed it out” and “Would joke and would want someone to point it out”? My group of friends is one that has had the loud uproarious conversations, so does that mean I’m safe to let them know? Or does it mean there are participants who would scream with laughter on the topic in a general way, but then die of mortification if it came up about their own personal chin hair? I really can’t picture this friend crying OR dying. I can picture her saying, “Eww, eww, get it, GET IT QUICK!!!” I’m not planning to point out chin hairs to strangers, or to people who have never had loud laughing conversations on the topic with me.]
Oh god, if a friend tries to tweeze my stealth chin hair, I would be so mortified that I’m sure I would die on the spot. I know I have them, my friends know I have them (we’ve also talked about this), but good lord, I do not want anyone to tweeze it for me
I am with you!! I would be so embarrassed that I would probably start crying. I guess because I have many of them and need to keep a constant lookout (I tweeze them a few times a week), that I am extra sensitive about this. Also I have very pale skin and dark hair so that is extra annoying.
I agree with this sentiment 100%. I’ve had conversations about facial hair with friends before in a matter of fact “How do you deal with yours?” type of way, not the loud uproarious laughing type of way. But I do NOT want someone to actually point out an existing one on my face regardless of the closeness of our relationship. If you see it, please pretend you don’t. Otherwise I will become paranoid that instead of being engaged and interested in our conversation, you’re actually scanning my face for flaws.
Now that I think about it, I think that’s what bothers me about it. Not that I don’t want you to be a helpful, close friend, but that I will begin to think that you’re constantly analyzing my appearance, and for me that has the exact opposite effect of bolstering a friendship.
I give you permission to offer to tweeze my stray chin hairs.
In college, I had a sweet friend pull me aside and let me know that I had 3 stray chin hairs and ask me if she could pluck them for me. At first, I was mortified – HOW LONG HAD THEY BEEN THERE AND WHY DIDN’T I KNOW IT? But then, I had such a surge of gratitude and love for my friend. It absolutely made us closer and I still think fondly of that moment in time. That is a good, good friend.
No! The thought is kind but I would DIE. Die. I feel like women’s facial hair should be seen and never, ever mentioned.
I waffle on these sorts of things CONSTANTLY. I have (after many years of both consideration and practice to accrue results) come to the conclusion that I will let anyone, anywhere, know if they have food on their face. (With, like, a discreet “brush the side of your mouth here” gesture, not a general announcement to the group at large.) I will also tuck in a clothing tag sticking out the back of a woman’s neck even if I don’t know her, or at least give the FYI pointy gesture to let her know it’s sticking out. I will quietly tell any woman whose skirt is tucked into their underwear or riding up under a backpack, or who is trailing tp on their shoe. I have NOT yet had occasion to mention someone’s chin hairs, mainly because I don’t carry tweezers so it has always fallen into the “can’t fix it” category. I need to think on this one now!!
I carry tweezers at all times, too.
I predict this will be a very polarizing issue. I, personally, would most DEFINITELY want my friend to tweeze my chin hair, but perhaps take me aside to do it. (You know, like go to the bathroom together, as women supposedly do.) Like maybe not in front of the group.
I would want someone to tell me, but then I would fervently hope / pretend no one else had noticed so I could wait until I got home to annihilate it. I would allow my husband or my sister to pluck it but probably anyone else I would be mortified.
The moment I turned 30 my eyebrows went completely insane and I pluck every single day. Can’t wait for this to start occurring in the southern region of my face as well.
My sisters and I are always on Chin Hair Watch for each other, but I don’t think there are any other women I feel quite close enough with to do this. But i feel like I wouldn’t mind it if someone felt comfortable enough with me to let me know. I have two errant black hairs that are determined to take over, and need constant vigilance!
Going to check my chin now before parent/teacher conference. Maybe along with your daylight savings reminder for clocks and smoke alarms you can add chin hairs? Although a once a year reminder would not cut it. I have a friend that keeps tweezers in the car because she can check at red lights b/c so much natural lighting it’s easy to see.
So do I! Wish I had one of those awesome lighted magnifying mirrors in the bathroom. So much facial hair, so little time.
That’s my technique as well. My safety orange colored tweezers have their very own cup holder so I can locate them without even looking. For years they lived in the glove box so I could tweeze my eyebrows in car pick-up line. Yup, I’m that person. But once my twelve year old daughter pointed out a chin hair I realized they needed to be accessible at any moment.
this is a mortifying topic to even think about for me. UGH. when i was in jr. high i had a lot of chin hairs…. so much so that a boy had to point it out and laugh about me having a beard. i know this is different than having a stray hair…but the idea that even just ONE HAIR is a thing that would throw off the social norms of femininity make me uncomfy. so. my vote would be to notice that a person has body hair/ peach fuzz/ whatever and then just accept that and move along. i just don’t want someone to point out something that i already feel a butt ton of anxiety about as if it’s just a little “whoopsie you have a little hair and OMG IT MUST BE ELIMINATED”. :/
It seems to me, though, that it may be different when the person in question has, in the same group setting, announced personal “OMG IT MUST BE ELIMINATED” vigilance about stray hairs. That is, I wouldn’t be telling her how she ought to feel or making declarations about social norms for femininity, I’d be assisting in her own announced goals and preferences.
My wife plucked one for me while I was delivering our twins. I was irritated but grateful.
Hahaha!
This really cracked me up. :)
This is one reason why I keep my long hair even though it’s very annoying. I’m always mussing my hair up and kind of flinging it over my neck and kind of near my chin. I’m so scared I’ll miss something during a tweezing session! I try to create a cloud of hairy confusion over the general area.
I am firmly in the want-to-die camp. Food on my face or in my teeth – please tell me. But stray hair? Pretend you don’t see it and whatever happens DO NOT whip out tweezers. I would never be able to see you again without remembering and reliving the mortification.
stray hair? I’ve developed a stray beard. What I want to know is, laser hair removal, worth it?
I am fair skinned. Around the time I turned 40 I started developing black, whisker-y type hairs in my chin. I waxed for a while, but the area grew progressively bigger. I bought a groupon for laser hair removal and it did not work at all. I am now doing weekly electrolysis which has made a huge difference. However, new black hairs keep sprouting up. As to laser, ymmv.
As to someone pointing out the hair(s)- I know they are there. I prefer that people pretend they don’t see them. If there was a long stray one, yes. Maybe.
Waxing removes all the fine hairs but doesn’t touch the black whiskers! Gggrrrr. Maybe I’ll jUst grow a beard and be done with it. What’s the difference between electrolysis and laser?
Electrolysis inserts a fine needle into the follicle, delivers a zap of electricity and kills the follicle. However, it may take several times to kill it off. Also, it’s pretty painful. Laser, not so much. According to my doctor, electrolysis is the only truly permanent method of hair removal.
I think if you and I have had conversation about chin hairs and the problems of seeing them, then I would want you to let me know if I have one. That would be aiding me in something I had previously shared distress about. If, however, the subject had never come up, I would be uncomfortable with you pointing it out.
For me the difference in comfort level seems to be if it is about Me or Something That is On Me. For instance, tell me about my tag sticking out or something stuck to my dress. But if it is about my personal self, I am more sensitive. That seems to be my guiding philosophy when helping people out as well.
I would totally let someone (friend) tweeze my chin hairs! Go to town!
That said, I think it would depend on the situation – because I am someone who, at times, is easily embarrassed and if I was around a bunch of snooty people who acted like THEY would never have a chin hair – ewwwww – I would want it ignored. Generally speaking, I avoid being around asshats like that – so a “can I tweeze that for you?” would be entertaining to me and I would be grateful! I think sometimes they just appear out of nowhere!
In my specific case: No, please, never, ever tell me. If you see it pretend you didn’t. I have much more than 1 stray hair so maybe it’d be different if it were less, um, prevalent… but in my case I would never leave the house again if my “it’s not that noticeable” bubble were popped. (If I didn’t die on the spot.)
More generally, I think this is a topic that might be laughed about in a group but I’d be REALLY cautious about bringing that to an individual level. I kind of half-heartedly participate in that kind of conversation so someone might think it’s ok to tell me they see a chin hair, but it would make me cry/die.
“Would you have loud, uproarious conversations with your friends about chin hairs, or not?” Yes. I would have these conversations.
My philosophy is that if you notice something unpleasant about someone’s appearance and they can fix it in under one minute, tell them. This includes everything from weird stuff in teeth to buttons popped open on shirts to rouge boogers. I would quietly mention to the friend “hey, you’ve got a rouge chin hair- I’ve got tweezers if you need them! They’re such stupid jerks aren’t they?” Try and make it jokey if you can.
Huh. I’m going to have to worry about chin hairs. I hadn’t yet considered that. *rushing off to the mirror.”
Ok then. I’m in the camp of let me know especially if we’ve discussed it before and it is really obvious. But I’m also someone who might laugh out loud and joke about them and then be mortified if I had one. But then again, after 5 years of raising kids nothing is really all that gross or embarrassing.
I personally would rather be told, but regardless of which way of being sensitive to her feelings you choose, here’s what not to do: once I jumped into my friend’s car (we were heading off to lunch), and I said, “I just discovered a horrible long chin hair! Right here! Can you believe it?”
She responded with (this is burned in my memory ), “Oh THANK GOD. I keep seeing that, and it’s all I can do not to reach over and yank it out! It’s been driving me insane! ”
And then I perished of shame.
I don’t have a chin hair problem (I think! Dun, dun, DUHN) but I think I’d be okay with being told quietly and offered tweezers for my use. I would not want someone else to tweeze me though, ever.
I would die to have it mentioned, and no, assistance would not make me feel good. It feels too personal and like way to much to share with someone. I cannot groom in public. I just can’t.
I have these conversations with my friends, and we laugh about it. When it is just 2 or 3 of us, yes, we have actually tweezered each others’. In a larger group, and with someone I already know knows about and hates them, I would descretely hand her my tweezers and say quietly that she might want to check the mirror, while rubbing a thumb over my chin in her trouble spot.
I am also in agreement with another blogger I follow (Wendy of That’s My Bix) that we, as a women, need to agree on an international sign that we can give to each other that a hair has escaped notice and needs to be attended to.
There’s this awesome scene in the charming (and fantastically ’80s) movie Crossing Delancey where the main character is tweezing her Bubbe’s chin hairs. It consoled me greatly when I first saw it at the age of 22 or so when I was first sprouting my own. Yes, yes you can live a long full life with loving grandchildren and a healthy beard. Aaaaahhhh.
This reminds me of the story Kathie Lee Gifford used to talk about. Can’t remember the specifics exactly, but she leaned over to brush a stray hair off someone’s face and it was attached! Not sure I’d be okay with a good friend going in for the pluck, but I’ve told my daughter to go for it. She’s named one on my forehead Alice, and mentions when ”she” makes an appearance.
Given that you had previous hilarious conversations about the topic with said friend, I think that’s a free pass to taking her aside to the ladies’ room and whipping out those handy-dandy tweezers. If I were in her shoes, that is what I’d want to have happen.
I call them stray eyebrows and they have gotten w-a-y out of hand. Seriously. I never asked to grow a beard for my 50th birthday! I keep my tweezers in a wee kit with a 15x mirror, but I still need help with the crazy outliers on my neck.
(found you via Suburban Correspondent)
HA I was reading this and I went from “OMG I WOULD DIE PLEASE DO NOT EVER POINT OUT SOMEONE’S CHIN HAIR” to “Oh, well in that case, obviously you could have said something” in 2 seconds after reading that you had talked/laughed about it before :)