There were two things that surprised me about my recent airplane travel, but now I can only remember one of them. Well, I will start with that, and maybe the other one will come to me as I write.
The first thing that surprised me was how many people felt comfortable asking their fellow travelers to switch for a worse seat. The first time I heard someone with the middle seat say, “Do you mind if I sit in your window seat instead?,” I thought, “Wow, that takes GUTS. Or, like, some sort of empathy disorder.” But it happened on every flight, multiple times, and that was just the cases that happened within my earshot. It seemed that everyone with the middle seat subscribed to the “Doesn’t Hurt to Ask” Policy—a policy it will not surprise you to discover I vehemently disagree with in many, many situations. In many situations it DOES hurt to ask. It DOES.
This may seem like an ironic complaint, considering my flight strategy involved the high likelihood of asking someone else to switch seats. I had deliberately booked the aisle and window seats for Elizabeth and me, figuring that if the flight wasn’t full (note: flights are always full), this would increase our chances of getting our whole row of three seats to ourselves, since the middle seats sell last. The difference here is that the inferiority of the middle seat is WIDELY RECOGNIZED (they SELL LAST). This is not one of those things where I have a Secret Arbitrary Rule I disdain others for not following: “It’s okay to ask to switch if it’s a WEST-bound flight, but not if it’s an EAST-bound flight.” Instead my strategy was based on the comfortable assumption that ALMOST EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD prefers NOT to have the middle seat—that I would in fact be IMPROVING SOMEONE’S LIFE by asking. Asking someone to switch for something universally considered better is not the equivalent of asking someone to switch for something universally considered worse. “Listen, I wonder if you’d do me the tremendous favor of trading my $20 bill for your $1 bill” is not the equivalent of “Hey, how about I give you my $1 and you give me your $20? I’d prefer it,” even if it’s true there do exist a few people who would be burdened by more money and would prefer to have less, or who desperately need that dollar bill for the bathroom vending machine.
And even knowing the vast statistical likelihood was that I was going to give our potential middle-seat companion a VASTLY IMPROVED airplane experience, I STILL started out sitting in my assigned aisle seat rather than presumptuously assuming they would want to switch with me. For all I know (and because every question that begins “Am I the only one who…?” can be automatically answered “No” without even hearing the rest of the question), that person could have DELIBERATELY booked a middle seat because they feel safer sitting between two people, or because they have that thing that’s the opposite of claustrophobia, or because they read an article saying people in middle seats die less often in emergency landings, or because 24B is their lucky seat, or WHATEVER.
But in a couple of cases I personally witnessed, a middle-seat person SAT IN SOMEONE ELSE’S WINDOW OR AISLE SEAT, and then, when that person arrived and politely requested to sit in their own seat, said, “Ohhhhhh, do you mind if I sit here instead? I prefer it.” Me: WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE. Oh, do you mind if I take your book and snack? I’d prefer to have those items. Hey, do you mind if I open your wallet and take out your money? I’d prefer to have it. Hey, it doesn’t hurt to ask!
And in my own situation, I needn’t have stressed about the unpleasantness of having to ask a stranger for something they would likely joyfully agree to (“Do you mind terribly sitting in the far more desirable and comfortable seat? Oh, dear, I’m so sorry to ask!”), because in both cases our middle seat person said, “Oh, do you mind if I sit in the aisle or window instead? I’d prefer it.” Okay, no, that is a lie: it only happened once. But the second time, our seatmate noticed Elizabeth, figured out we were likely traveling together, and with huge hope in his voice asked if we’d like to sit together.
I still haven’t thought of that second thing that surprised me.
Wow, I would never, never ask someone to switch to the middle. And if someone asked me to, I would have no problem giving them my best “wtf” face and saying I want my assigned seat.
That’s incredibly strange and I would refuse just on principle, even if I had planned on asking if they wanted the aisle seat. I mean seriously. That’s so rude.
Wow, I find it SO RUDE for them to ask for the better seat for no reason other than preference. I would feel awkward saying no, because it’s hard for me, and would feel guilty even though I know I shouldn’t.
Also totally astonished. I have rarely been on a plane, so had no idea this was a thing. Seems almost impossibly rude.
I was trying to write a comment, but it was basically this one.
Not to mention that — at least on the airlines I fly on — the window and aisle seats COST MORE. Premium seats. “Do you mind that I take your better seat, THAT YOU PAID MORE FOR?”
YES! We used the same strategy when travelling with a lap baby – booked the aisle and window and then offered to switch if the middle was full. Often times because of the baby flight attendants offer our row-mates another seat if the flight wasn’t full so that we could have more space. Most people took this even if it wasn’t a “better” seat because who wants to risk being stuck with a screaming baby?
Except the very last time we did it.
The man who was in our middle seat was the very last person onto the plane. There was no time to switch, as the flight attendant had told us she would offer to do, so I took the middle and gave the man our aisle seat (baby enjoyed the window). Once we were in flight the attendant came and offered the man a middle seat in a bulk head row. An upgrade from his booked seat, but not as good apparently as the aisle he now had. So he said no, then asked me if I “really needed” the extra seat. I mean. No, I don’t or I would have booked it but COME ON. So he took my aisle seat and I was stuck in the middle for the entire flight.
I may have enjoyed it a little too much when the beverage cart crashed into his knee, which was sticking out into the aisle as he slept.
While I have also used this strategy (book aisle and window, switch with middle if necessary), does it make me a jerk that I’m not sure I would have switched either? I can see your perspective – he had a middle, they offered a better middle – but I think I would have been overcome by my loathing of the middle seat. In my defense, I wouldn’t have been annoyed in the reverse situation (guy kept aisle) either.
It only took me one lap-baby trip to suck it up and buy the extra ticket.
But how many of us would have the wherewithal to say no when put on the spot and being asked to switch our good for their worse? I think I would have been shocked into agreeing because it’s easier than sitting next to someone who you just possibly pissed off. I’m almost positive I’d say yes to that question (and be angry I did for hours) because women say yes to help avoid awkwardness. Argh.
this is my problem — I have the “people pleaser at all costs” gene and if someone asked I would likely give them the aisle, then fume for the duration of the flight. I think because of this very blog post, I will be able to look at them and say, “no, that middle seat was available when I booked, but I chose this one”. ha, in my head at least.
hahah. I have had people use that line when I book an aisle seat. I polish up my polite spine and say , “I’m afraid that won’t be possible”. The NERVE. “well, I was sitting here first”. IT”S MY SEAT.
Whoa!! That is serious chutzpah to sit in someone else’s seat and THEN ask for a switch. I have not seen that happen, but if I did I would give everyone involved a big old “SRSLY???” look even if I were just a passer-by. Come on people. You’re better than that.
Whoa, people DO THIS? I have never seen this happen! Of course, I fly Southwest a lot and those seats aren’t assigned. I’m flying tomorrow with assigned seating so will definitely be on the lookout. How incredibly presumptuous and RUDE. Fortunately, I have no poker face so if someone asked this of me I would be able to answer HELL NO without even opening my mouth.
I LOVE Southwest for this reason among many others. The only time I’ve seen seat-switching there is when it’s been the kind I consider reasonable, like, “Can I switch my window seat for your window seat?” (like because there are two people traveling together and mine has a center seat open and theirs doesn’t).
I travel a fair bit and this enrages me on the regular. I am a frequent pee-er (exacerbated by the psychology of being on a plane), so I need an aisle seat. I pay extra for an aisle seat. So yes, I do mind switching the seat I paid for in advance. I mostly travel alone, but when I do travel with my fiance, I pay for us to sit next to each other. If it’s so important that you sit with your adult party (and traveling with kids is totally different), set it up in advance.
When Penny and I were coming back from Pennsylvania one time, I’d booked us a window and an aisle, and it turned out some soldiers in training were on the same flight and were booked in the middle seats ALL THROUGH THE WHOLE PLANE. I don’t know how it happened, but it had happened, and when Penny and I got on and I asked the young guy in our row if he’d like to swap with me so I could pen Pen against the window and he could be on the aisle, I could feel a whole column of soldiers seethe with jealousy up and down the plane. And he did not mind. At all. AT ALL.
Oh, I also one time had a flight attendant ask me if I’d go switch to a middle seat (pre-Penny, pre-marriage, I don’t know where I was going or what I was doing) from my deliberately chosen window seat so that a teenage mother and daughter could sit together. I felt kind of like a huge jerk, but no. No, I won’t do that.
The mother was a teenager, or the daughter?
Almost this exact thing happened to me. Sorry ma’am, but your teenager is old enough to sit by herself for the duration of the flight.
Also the whole being pregnant and needing to get up to pee or puke every 20 minutes thing. I needed the friggin aisle seat.
You know what would be great? An airplane with no middle!
I would love that! And with aisles bracketing as well as dividing, so NO ONE is trapped-and-can’t-pee by a sleeping seatmate! So, like, aisle, two seats, aisle, two seats, aisle. They could call themselves Ideal Airlines and we’d all fly them.
We end up flying regional jets a fair amount, and most of them are two seats on one side, one or two on the other, so no middle seats to contend with! They also take WAY less time to board/disembark than larger planes. There are some drawbacks like slamming your head into the overhead bins every time you get up, as I do, but ultimately I find them worthwhile.
My husband and I just flew (a 45-minute flight) and I get such great joy out of choosing our own seats during the purchase. I get even greater joy when there are only TWO seats on either side of the aisle and I don’t have to sit in the very last row because that was the only row with two out of three seats together.
Although, I will say that the airlines are being very sneaky if you want to sit in rows 1-10, you pay more, OR in the emergency exit row. COME ON!!! I’m now trusting my safety to someone who could pay the additional $20!? ACK!
The only time I’ve ever had someone ask me to switch seats (and I fly a fair bit) is in your situation: when a family with children wants to sit together. I am always happy to do it.
No, wait, I tell a lie. I did once have someone sitting in my aisle seat (which I’d booked deliberately) when I arrived. I assumed at first it was a mixup. The person asked if I’d mind sitting in their middle seat, in the row behind, since they were settled. I just stared blankly and said, “But that’s MY seat,” as if I couldn’t understand what they were requesting, several times, until they got frustrated and moved. Satisfying, actually.
Yeah, this. I fly a lot and it happens very often I’ll find someone in my seat when I get to my row. I just stare at them, point at my boarding pass and the seat, and wait until they switch to their own seat. I guess it helps that all my flights are international, because I can convey ‘hey, this is probably a genuine mistake rather than you trying to bully me into the bad seat’ in a much more friendly way when using body language than if I’d actually say it out loud…
We fly a couple of lower-volume routes where the seats are 2-2. I LOVE THOSE.
We just got back from a trip to Europe and I overheard SEVERAL people try to take someone else’s aisle or window seat. It just blew my mind. Who is that entitled? Who can so lack empathy that they will put another person in such an uncomfortable position — because maybe you’re OK saying no to a stranger with whom you’ll now have to share an arm rest for the next number of hours, but maybe you really are NOT. (I would say no, but I have gotten noticeably bitchier in my old age. Early twenty-something me? Might have caved, and then been filled with self-loathing.)
Apparently the world is filled with people laboring under an overinflated sense of their own importance.
I am SO VEHEMENTLY AGAINST “it can’t hurt to ask!” as a life strategy. In fact, even as I type the words, I am saying them in my head in an annoying, mocking, singsongy voice. I am reminded of my ex (thank GAWD) MIL, whose life strategy is basically “advance my comfort as all costs, regardless of who is affected and to what degree.” SHIVER. YRGG. HAAATTTTE.
Did anybody refuse? If so, how many said yes/no, on average? Maybe if pretty much everyone said no, then fewer people would ask.
I heard one guy say no, he’d like to have his own seat. I cheered inwardly. Then about a minute later I heard him say in an exasperated tone, “Fine, FINE, I’ll switch,” so they must have talked him into it somehow.
I would have NO PROBLEM telling a person to get the hell out of my seat! Who are these people? They don’t even deserve any kind of common courtesy since they are so lacking in it.
“Would you mind switching seats?”
“Yes” (dead eye glare)
I can’t believe people actually sit in someone’s assigned seat, and have the balls to ask them to move to another? Isn’t air travel enough of a hassle? Now people think it is OK to pull this? FUMING!
I fly a lot and see this happen ALL THE TIME. My favorite reaction is to literally laugh directly at them, to show them how INSANE THEIR ACTIONS ARE, while cheerfully saying no.
Me: “Hi, excuse me, I think that’s my seat.”
Asshat: “Oh, yeah, I really like the window. Would you mind just switching?”
Me: “HAHAHA! What?? Seriously?”
Asshat: ::does not move::
Me: ::pretends to be bemused that it was actually a serious request and not a joke:: “Yeah.. no, I’ll sit in my seat.” ::pleasant smile::
I do not feel at all guilty about saying no.
Wow, this is crazy. I fly very regularly and have only rarely seen this happen, so I’m surprised that you witnessed it on both your flights. Clearly there was an unusually high number of asshats on your flights.
I was asked by a flight attendant recently to switch from my aisle seat to a middle seat once, so a family could sit closer together (and just be across the aisle from each other). But I didn’t understand how it was going to work since they weren’t in my row (I asked, and the attendant said she didn’t have time to explain it to me), AND I had specifically purchased an aisle seat for the long flight since I was pregnant, peeing a lot, and throwing up every day, so I said no, especially after I saw that the daughter who needed to switch was an older teenager. She is old enough to sit on her own for 4 hours, in my opinion.
For the whole duration of the flight, the attendant gave me the evil eye every time she walked by, and I felt really guilty, even though the family got it worked out once they got on the plane. But I STILL to this day don’t understand how it would have worked to have me switch, considering none of the family were in my row. And I’m still irked at that attendant for making me feel so bad.
Anyway. While I haven’t seen people with middle seats ASK to switch (I would totally say no unless it was an elderly person or pregnant lady, or someone with a baby) I DO see people regularly sit in seats that aren’t theirs, and just hope they don’t get caught or that the person whose seat they’re in doesn’t say anything.
And I totally agree that asking someone to trade you something good for something crappy is a total move of asshattery, and they deserve to sit in the middle seat just for being such a presumptuous jerk.
My husband, 18 mo old daughter (who we bought a seat for) and I all got on a plane recently and found our seats taken by a middle aged couple. Seems their seats weren’t together and were in the back of the plane. I think they saw an empty row and planned to ask the occupants to swap for their (separate, worse) seats. They saw us and didn’t even bother asking.
So once I was traveling while pregnant, on a flight that I didn’t book myself. It was a five hour red eye flight and I had the window seat, which was a bummer because I knew I would have to pee ten million times. So when the two other people sat down I asked if either of them wanted the window instead, explained the six months pregnant thing, making my best “I know this is a ridiculous request face,” and they said no, which is their choice. And then said “Oh, don’t worry, we’ll be up and down a lot during the flight.” Except no, they weren’t. They fell asleep upon takeoff and slept the entire flight. It’s a wonder my bladder didn’t burst.
This only happened once to me (I don’t fly too often) and it was a mix-up, not someone being obnoxious. When I got to my row, say row 23, someone was in my aisle seat. I’m not the type person to “ask” someone to move from my seat, or to give in to someone who “prefers” to sit there. So I stood my ground, holding up everyone behind me, until I got my seat. Turns out they were in row 22. Just a mistake. But if it had been on purpose, I wasn’t going to sit down until I was in my requested seat. Maybe it’s age, or maybe personality, but I don’t let someone tell me what to do when I know which seat I reserved!
Also, I’m over the window seats. When my husband and I travel alone, if the plane has three seats instead of two, we reserved the aisle seats in the same row. More leg room. Easier on and off. Much prefer!
I will only do it if it’s obviously a young child who wants my window seat. Or elderly/pregnant person who wants my aisle seat. And ONLY if I didn’t pay extra.
Ha! This post made me laugh. I’m about to fly x-country (in an aisle seat). I hope someone does this to me, just to give me the pleasure of turning them down.
I’ve actually had the reverse happen. When travelling alone, I was in the aisle seat and the two seats next to me (middle and window) were children, I’d guess 9 and 7 years old. Their mom was sitting a few rows ahead in a middle seat. I admit, I wasn’t comfortable sitting with two children I didn’t know, especially if some emergency happened (I’m paranoid, I know). I offered my aisle seat to the mom so she could sit with her kids, but she said, “oh, no, you don’t want a middle seat, but thanks!” My only thought was that she might have wanted a break from them.
As it turns out, the kids were probably the best seat mates I’ve had in ages – they immediately plugged into a DVD player, were exceedingly polite when bathroom breaks were needed, (please and thank you and such) and there was no emergency where I had to worry about the oxygen masks. But I still think it was very, very strange.
This is completely off topic, so I must just add – the situation you mentioned would have driven me bonkers.
in my most recent travel experience I listened to the woman in the aisle seat in front of me loudly, earnestly telling her seat mates not to feel bad about waking her up if they needed to get up. what else would they do? not get up to pee for fear of slightly inconveniencing someone? no. it was a 6 hour flight for fuck’s sake!
What BULLIES, to be sitting in your seat and say they’d rather keep it, thanks, even though it’s NOT THEIRS.
Oh, my. I laughed and laughed at this. “I’d prefer it.” Can I just keep that Coach bag? I’d really prefer it. Oh, you booked this seat? Well, I would have preferred it so…I’ll just keep it.
My husband and I had a conversation about this today. Here’s the situation we were discussing: Friends of ours had to fly standby for a variety of reasons. The mom and 2 kids (infant, 3 y/o) got on a different flight from dad, then the toddler got seated far away from mom. What to do? She sashed the person (aisle seat) sitting next to the toddler (middle seat) if he would switch with her (also middle seat). He did, but he was PISSED.
My husband and I are divided on what the right way to handle that was.
Safety trumps convenience. 3yo can’t sit alone. Might be a good idea to get the flight attendants involved (uniforms are a strong persuasive force, plus they can bribe him with snacks!), but I think the mom made the right call.
I was once in a situation where a ridiculously tall gentleman boarded last and the only seats left were middles in the back, which always feel extra claustrophobic, and he really wouldn’t have fit. When I offered to trade my aisle for a middle, I got a free cocktail. (I was also underage, but nobody asked.)
Not sure what the circumstances are here-but my feelings are that lack of planning on other’s people’s parts does not constitute an emergency for me. Standby is often for people who fail to plan, so if that was the case- I wouldn’t be too happy having to change my seat because there is a youngster involved. I would do it, but I sure would be thinking evil thoughts for the whole flight. I would want a flight attendant to be involved and tell me exactly why I was switching-like there was a death in the family or something like that. I live in Alaska, so all my flights are LONG-and I make my plans months in advance to make sure my husband and I have the seats we want. I have no patience for people who expect others to accommodate them, unless it is an emergency flight.
Elizabeth and I had one flight where we were separated. What I did was, I asked the flight attendant who stands behind a desk near the boarding gate. I told him the situation and he started looking at the passenger map to see who might be able to switch (it was a 2/2 plane, so I’d be trading my aisle for someone else’s aisle, or Elizabeth’s window for someone else’s window, which made it easier—no middles). Then he asked if I’d step away from the desk for a moment while he called up another passenger to ask if she’d be willing to switch: he said he didn’t want to put her on the spot by having me standing right there, and I thought that was a very considerate way for him to handle it. It also kept the passengers from having to negotiate with each other: I strongly recommend having the flight attendants (and ideally the ones in the boarding area rather than the ones on the plane, who will then have to stand in the aisle blocking others from boarding) work as go-betweens for such negotiations.
I absolutely think kids up to at least 10 simply have to sit with an adult they are travelling with (except obviously in the rare case they are travelling alone in which case presumably arrangements have been made with the airline staff), full stop. I had a friend recently flying from here to Europe with his 2 daughters, and the only way for him even to GET assigned seats (any assigned seats) was to pay about $20 per person per flight for 3 flights. I simply cannot imagine that anyone would think that is reasonable and just — no.
I fly as seldom as possible nowadays because of behavior like this (the airlines’, not the passengers’), and whenever possible I fly Southwest for EXACTLY this reason (but they don’t fly to Europe, I’ll note). But I’d say any parent should reasonably expect the airline staff and any passenger not dealing with their own challenges (children, pregnancy, old age or disability) to be willing to move. Indeed, I find it depressing to imagine that we’ve reached an age where people would consider anything else.
I haven’t flown in a LOOOONG time, but I wonder if this is a new thing? I believe what you (and many other readers) are saying, but I’m also having a difficult time figuring out how people think this is remotely okay…
I haven’t been asked recently to switch my aisle for a middle, but: I think the airlines created this problem when they threw up their hands and said “Sorry, we can’t move seats to accommodate special requests [of the medical or family-group types], you’ll just have to depend on the kindness of your fellow passengers to sort it out.”
Southwest excluded (because the way they board is so different), I’m pretty sure that the airlines DO have this power, and moreover that they should use it. I don’t have a kid and I often travel alone, but I see tremendous value in letting families sit together. If my boyfriend and I are separated, we can just meet up after the flight and talk about our weird seatmates; we can deal. But I honestly feel for families who end up with the kid in an isolated row, or people who need an aisle for medical reasons (whatever they are, some in these comments) and can’t get one.
The reason I think airlines have this power is: I recently booked a flight on short notice (funeral), and when I checked in I noticed I had been put on standby even after paying extra for a seat assignment. I called up the airline (rhymes with Smelta) and politely told them I really, really needed seat assignments, even if they were dreaded middles. A few clicks of the keyboard and I had the seat assignments I needed. This was a special case, but not THAT special. It is a power that the airlines could use for good, and seems like they used to a lot more.
Also, if a flight attendant asks people to switch, they’re probably more likely to due to the uniform and perceived authority. Why put that back on passengers to sort it out themselves? We’re not that good at resolving conflict (see: every overhead bin fight, ever).
My husband is continually telling me that “it never hurts to ask.” I have tried to explain to him why sometimes, yes, it does hurt. I read him this and some of the comments. His response is that it never hurts to ask for information (i.e. I bought this, lost the receipt, don’t need it, what is your return policy?) but it does hurt and can be manipulative to ask a favor. I can see how if you were passive-aggressive you could turn asking for information into asking for a favor, but if you really think about your own motivations, are careful with your wording, then I tend to agree with him. It was actually very helpful to read and discuss this blog with him because he was able to understand why I have hesitations with his “never hurts to ask” and to clarify it.
BUT, taking someone’s seat and then asking if it’s ok does not fall into the “asking for information” category. It’s an attempt at bullying and preying on people’s good nature. Bleh.
I am reminded of Paul’s sister’s approach to dividing the estate: “This is what is best for me! What’s your problem?”
NO. NO NO NO NO NO. Expected entitlement makes me seethe with rage.
Oh my goodness. I have flown quite a bit in my life, and I’ve seen it ALL. And, FTR, I always book my seat very particularly, and I don’t switch. I. Don’t. Switch. The only time I’ve had to be the one to beg switching is when we traveled with our son as an infant/toddler, and we booked too late to get seats together. Then, most people are genuinely happy to switch rather than be in between two people trying to manage a crying child. But most often, I would alert a flight attendant to the issue and let him/her be the “bad guy.” We often even got better (first row) seats in this way.
BUT, I have one story that still makes my blood pressure go up (with several emotions: frustration, embarrassment, anger). I was flying across the Southeast to my my hometown for the baby shower my mom & sister were throwing me. Seven months pregnant. At the gate, they upgraded me to first class bc I was using some of my Dad’s old FF miles (from before he retired). I said sure, but when I got on the plane, I realized the seat they had put me in was window. Seven months pregnant in the window seat. NO, not even for a one-hour flight. I spoke to an attendant, and she assured me someone would switch. Except the not-at-all-sympathetic-to-my-situation man in the aisle seat would NOT switch. (Not that he had to. It wasn’t his responsibility.) But then I just asked if I could have my original coach aisle seat back, but no, they’d filled it, and wouldn’t I just rather stay in First Class? So I had to ask my unhappy neighbor to get up every time I had to pee (3 times!!!) on the short flight because there was no way I was climbing over his girth with my own giant belly. Lesson learned…something something. The end.
There was a time when the book-window-and-aisle seat plan might have netted you an empty middle seat and a row to yourself, but– at least on the airline and routes I fly– those days are long gone. I travel a lot for work, and these days I’m almost never on a flight that isn’t full.
My sole and official advice for this sort of thing is this: Book the seats you expect to sit in. Do not bother trying to game the system by putting yourself separate from the person you’re traveling with unless you genuinely and deliberately don’t want to sit next to each other. Just book the middle seat if you want to be next to each other. Particularly if that person is your own child, and you can put the kid in the middle seat–because a kid won’t crowd the people on either side the way another adult will. I actually think it’s jerky behavior to book seats the way that you did, and I can’t believe that you have the nerve to complain about anyone asking you if you wanted to sit next to your daughter instead of in your aisle/window. Of course they did. The middle seat does suck, but on top of that, it feels weird to be sitting between people who are clearly together. Don’t set other people up for that sort of situation. Just book the seats you expect to sit in and deal with it if one of them happens to be a middle seat. It is what it is.
Even if I take a commenter unfamiliar to me as an expert on jerky behavior (and you do make a compelling case for acceptance), I feel I already anticipated, accepted, and covered the points you’re objecting to.
You totally did.
And I LOVE you Swistle.
Just because I don’t comment doesn’t mean that I don’t read. With blogs, I generally only comment if what I would say hasn’t already been said by someone else. Usually it’s when someone is asking for help. Sometimes it’s when I seem to be seeing a different point of view from the poster and the other commenters. I’ve been reading you long enough to know that you feel it’s altruistic to take a cart that’s out in the parking lot instead of going inside and taking one from the corral, that you get stressed about making phone calls, and that you put a lot of thought into gifts for kids.
I get that labeling *one* choice you made as being jerky would trigger your defenses, but you started a conversation in which you were labeling other people on your planes as engaging in jerky behavior, and you prompted a lot of people to label other people’s behavior as jerky, too. And many of the things that you and others brought up were legitimate points…but nobody was noting that, at least in relation to how you booked the tickets, it’s possible that you set up some of the situation yourself. It’s like skipping a toddler’s nap and then complaining about the kid’s behavior afterwards. The behavior is complaint-worthy and can occur separate from the nap-skipping. But nap-skipping is a set-up. Not recognizing my name doesn’t mean that it’s not worth considering your own role in the situation, particularly if it’s a situation that you don’t want to perpetuate.
Again, I feel I fully covered this objection in the post, and in several ways.
This happened to me one time, I had the window seat and when I got to my row, there was already someone in the aisle and in the middle seat. I told them I was sitting in the window seat and waited for them to stand up and move out to the aisle to let me in. The man sitting in the middle seat stood up and then instead of moving to the aisle to let me into my seat, he moved to sit in my seat. Then he kind of looked up at me to see if that was okay. I started shaking my head no, because I did not want his middle seat, I had booked early so I wouldn’t have to sit in the middle. He moved out of the way so I could sit in my seat but then it was awkward because I had to sit next to him for the next 4 hours. I hate those types of situations because usually it feels more comfortable to be inconvenienced than to have to tell someone no but I really didn’t want to sit in the middle.
The only time I have EVER asked people to change seats was when we were flying back from New York and the airline screwed us up after we had six seats all together, took us off a flight and then put us back on the same flight which booked us all in middle seats. Including two children under 5, by themselves in middle seats. This was not our fault AT ALL but still made me feel like a heel, like I didn’t do my job in properly reserving seats. I did! I swear! It was the worst flight ever because we were all in a bad mood by the time we got everything moved around.
So I can give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes but most times, and if it’s just one person no. Keep your own damn seat.
THis happened to me – a Middle Aged Man. Sitting in my carefully booked Aisle Seat. “Do you mind if I sit here”. Me: “I’m afraid that won’t be possible”. and I’m a people pleaser. I had ZERO guilt that time. I mean really???!?!