I have three authors whose books I will pre-order unconditionally, and one of those authors is Catherine Newman, and she has a new book out:

My sister-in-law pre-ordered me a copy, and I pre-ordered myself another copy (on purpose: I wanted two). I encourage you to buy ANY of the things I mention in these posts from stores other than Amaz0n—but this is a situation where I SPECIFICALLY recommend NOT buying it from Amaz0n, because Catherine Newman put out a special indie-bookstore edition where the copies are not only signed but also contain extra material, which makes it an EVEN BETTER gift. Both of my copies are from independent bookstores.

 

I bought these little quartz/crystal/rock(??) hearts on impulse during a Bad Time, and I feel a little emotional about them even though they’re not my usual thing, and maybe you will too. They are nice for scattering into stockings. I will mention that the temptation to put one in my mouth and swallow it is…considerable, so perhaps be careful when doling them out.

These are nice to give out to friends/colleagues on Valentine’s Day, too.

 

Similarly, I bought this little set of crystal ornaments last year to put on my little pre-lit birch trees this year, and I am excited to try them out:

I do not feel tempted to swallow these like pill capsules, as I do with the little stone hearts.

 

The extent to which I do not need more notebooks cannot be overstated and yet:

Maybe you know someone else who loves mid-century modern AND needs a notebook.

 

I should have mentioned these Plus Plus building kits when they were on sale for $7, but that was back in January when everything seemed so dark and chilly and like it would never be Christmas again. You can throw economy to the wind and spend the extra $3, or you can wait until they go on sale again and put them aside for next year. There’s a Christmas tree:

and a wreath and candy cane:

I have been buying these each year for the kids we “adopt” through a local Christmas gift charity—though this year we’re not giving these, because one of the kids is too young. I will put them aside for next year.

 

I cannot–CANNOT–justify the purchase of $10-each plastic plates. And yet…my parents indulged my craving for these French Bull melamine dinner plates (French Bull link) on my last birthday, and I have used them nearly every day since with great joy:

 

After we moved to a 200-year-old house and I was always cold (unless I was way too hot), Paul bought me this electric seat-warmer for my computer chair and for my rocking chair:

It worked very well for my computer chair EXCEPT I kept rolling over the wire accidentally, until eventually I broke it. It works better for my rocking chair, where I can’t rock on the wire (because Paul installed a little hook on the nearby wall for the wire). I use the supplemental warmth CONSTANTLY during the cold months, like a lizard on a hot rock.

I bought this Biology Is Bigger Than Binaries t-shirt for someone on my gift list, and I might buy one for a second person on my gift list:

The same place has an eel-facts advent calendar (frog and crab options too), if that sounds like it would be right for you or someone you know.

 

I bought a Disregard the Constabulary t-shirt for two people last year and one person this year:

 

I bought three cookbooks from Paul’s sister’s wish list. The Potato Book, by Poppy Cooks:

PlantYou, by Carleigh Bodrug:

and The Complete Vegetarian Cookbook, by America’s Test Kitchen:

She added that last one to her wish list after seeing it on my wish list, so I’ll bet we’re buying each other matching gifts this year!

 

Paul came to me with an important announcement: there is a Lego set that looks like our baby tuxedo cat, who is not a baby anymore but a big 2-year-old, and yet we still call him The Baby because he looks roughly like this:

I said, “…Do you need that for Christmas,” and Paul said, “…No. …Maybe. …No.” If I DO get it for him, I will definitely get the separate (WHY WOULD IT BE SEPARATE?? THAT’S LIKE MAKING THE EARS SEPARATE) whiskers set, and maybe the lighting set.

 

I’m waiting in hopes that this Pluffle set will go on a good deal, and I can put it in the kids’/niblings’ stockings:

We got a large amount (all one color) of this at the library for the sensory play table, and I am trying to think how to describe it. It’s like little teensy cheese-gratered shreds of memory foam or fabric, but then when you squeeze a handful of it, or move some of it, it has a surprisingly wide-spreading collapsing/moving effect that’s a little creepy. And it looks as if it might feel unpleasant to touch, but it doesn’t.

 

This is a great little flashlight! I bought one for Paul, who was sick of digging out his flashlight for a small task to find that the batteries were dead.

If you have a charging station, you can leave it plugged in and then it’s always ready for a task or for an emergency.

 

Edward, who is interested in game design, has asked for the book How a Game Lives, by Jacob Geller:

I don’t know anything about it—but if someone in your life is interested in game design, perhaps they would like it too. And it was only published a week ago, so probably they won’t have it yet!

 

I’m looking for bookends for Henry’s dorm room (or else a small bookshelf). Maybe dragons, maybe cats:

I feel like this is the sort of thing where I might stumble upon the perfect thing in a consignment shop.

 

I recently rediscovered Paul Mitchell—a hair product line I loved in the late 1990s when I was heat-styling the hell out of my hair. I especially liked The Conditioner, a leave-in product. I bought a nice big bottle of it at Marshalls/TJMaxx, but since then I’ve enjoyed sending travel-size bottles to my similarly-aged friends for their birthdays. The wee bottles would also make good stocking stuffers:

I don’t heat-style my hair anymore, but this is nice for tidying frizzies, and for feeling as if I’m doing something nice for my hair before I put it up into another ponytail/bun.

 

I have this goose/duck bag in my cart waiting for me to think of the right person to buy it for:

Maybe YOU know the right person.

 

I wish I needed another notebook, but unfortunately I have a literal drawerful of them.

 

Thayer’s toner is one of my favorite things-I-put-on-my-face-in-the-hope-it-is-doing-something, and I like to buy the cranberry-orange scent as a festive stocking stuffer, to use in the coming year for Tiny Secret Festive Season:

It says “trial size” but it’s a nice size bottle (travel-size more than trial-size), and I like the spritz feature for when I am suddenly perimenopausally heated/flushed and need to mist myself like Blanche Devereaux.

 

My dad liked this Star Trek shirt. Maybe your dad would like this Star Trek shirt:

 

Do you like postcards and are you considering getting a rose tattoo but can’t decide on one so you’re looking for inspiration? THIS ROSE POSTCARD SET MAY BE FOR YOU! (I have it and love it, and have not yet decided on a tattoo):

 

I’m getting this Carhartt beltloop keyring for Henry:

 

I’m also considering getting him a Carhartt duffel, after he came home on a recent college break CARRYING ALL HIS THINGS IN HIS HANDS, DROPPING THEM ALL OVER THE PARKING LOT

(He got very into Carhartt after working a summer job on a landscaping crew.)

Someone mentioned these fidget things (I am remembering it was Suzanne but let me know if it was you instead), and I bought two. I collect stocking stuffers throughout the year, so it’s hard to know who has how much of what. When I’m organizing all the stocking stuffer stuff near Christmas, I’ll give the fidgets to whichever two stockings look understuffed. The kids all pretty much pass around all the little toy things anyway.

 

I am having a silly problem, and it is this: I like to let my hair air-dry for awhile before I put it up, so I bring a hair elastic (actually one of the kind that look like a loop of phone cord) (oooh, actually that’s another good stocking stuffer idea)…

…downstairs with me after showering/dressing, and put my hair up later at my computer. Then I need to go back up to the bathroom to check it in the mirror, using a little extra mirror so I can see the sides and back; but often by then Paul is in the bathroom, and I need to leave for work so I can’t wait around. This is such a long and boring story. Anyway, all I need is another little mirror to keep at my desk, and then I can check my hair in any OTHER house mirror. But this is a silly little problem NEAR CHRISTMAS, so this pretty little peacock mirror is going in my Christmas stocking:

Also it is a nice upgrade from my upstairs-bathroom accessory mirror, which is an old empty Cover Girl powder compact.

 

Priorities is an interesting getting-to-know-you game, and I think it works best in a group where people know each other in different ways: where some people are MARRIED OR DATING, some people are SIBLINGS, some people are PARENTS/CHILDREN, some people are IN-LAWS—so I think it would be perfect, or possibly catastrophic, as a holiday get-together game.

One person is “It,” and that person secretly ranks five randomly-dealt cards (which say things such as “broccoli,” “France,” “new socks,” “the ultra-wealthy,” “licorice,” “amusement parks,” “glitter”) in order, favorite to least-favorite. Then everyone else argues about what order they think that person secretly chose. You get some interesting discussions going, and you have to decide which players you think might know that person better on the topic of, say, “traveling light”: his GIRLFRIEND or his SISTER??, etc.

 

At the kids’ colleges, people are playing this ridiculous clothespin game. It seems like the whole game is that you try to secretly clip a clothespin to someone? Anyway, I bought these rainbow clothespins:

I bought one set to distribute among stockings, and another set for myself: we use clothespins as bag/chip clips, and these are prettier than the plain clothespins we’ve been using.

 

I have a kid who (1) files his nails and (2) likes Keith Haring’s art, so this Keith Haring nail file set is going in his stocking:

 

I bought this set of multicolored charging blocks for stocking stuffers:

It would be distressing that there were only four nice colorful ones, except that Henry is in a phase of ALWAYS choosing black, so that’s all set.

 

Do you have people in your life who are losing their minds over the current attempted takeover of the U.S. government by far-right Christian nationalists and/or fascists? They might enjoy this collection of essays by A.R. Moxon:

I have purchased it for half a dozen people so far.

 

Elizabeth and I were searching for something else when we happened upon this giraffe frame, and she immediately fixated on it. “What kind of picture would you put in it??,” she wondered. “WEDDING picture? GRADUATION picture? BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?? Picture of someone feeding a giraffe??”

So I bought it for her. She can figure out what kind of picture to put into it.

 

I am in favor of politically-active nail polish, and also I like this color:

 

Last Christmas, Henry wanted some work boots. I chose these, with some nervousness (it can be difficult for a middle-aged person to know what will be cool to a teenager):

And they’ve been great! He’s been wearing them for nearly a year and even as they’ve gotten a rough breaking-in (he is NOT careful with them, and wore them to walk to school in the snow/rain), they’ve continued to look good (in, as you’d imagine, a more broken-in way).

I am rested (LIE: like many perimenopausal women, I wake up at, say, 4:00 a.m., then lie awake until half an hour before my alarm goes off at 6:30/7:00); I have taken my vitamins (true); and I am ready to get back to gift ideas (true).

 

This first item is not gift-related—but I wanted to tell you that Amaz0n has Kraft Mac individual 4-packs for $2.34 right now, well under half-price. In their favor: they can be microwaved, and they’re formulated to be made with just water (i.e., don’t require milk or butter). There was a limit of five per customer, but I was able to order five and Paul was able to order five, so we could give ten 4-packs to our local food pantry for under $25. The expiration date on the ones we received was May 1, 2026, and many food pantries including ours have a policy that donated food can’t expire within 6 months—but I contacted our food pantry, and they gladly accepted these because, as they said, it’s such a popular item, and moves fast. If I’d been thinking, I would have had them shipped directly to the food pantry: they are surprisingly bulky.

 

Similarly: the board game Sorry is on sale right now for $6.99. Sorry is one of the few board games I am willing to play, and it works for a mix of ages. If you want to donate a game to a toy-collection box near you, this is a pretty solid choice. And there’s a buy-one-get-one-50%-off deal right now (the link is on the game listing) if you want to donate TWO games.

 

I’m sure you have already seen this, but Merriam-Webster has a new baby. From their birth announcement:

For the first time in over twenty years, and only the twelfth time since 1898, Merriam-Webster has published a new edition of its iconic Collegiate Dictionary.

Complete with thumb notches and a deep red cover, weighing almost five pounds, the Twelfth Edition is available now.

Thoroughly updated and redesigned for students, professionals, and word lovers, the Twelfth Edition features over 5,000 new words (including cold brew, farm-to-table, rizz, and dad bod), 1,000 new phrases and idioms, enhanced entries for the top lookups, and more than 20,000 additional usage examples.

Baby picture:

So handsome!

I IMMEDIATELY ordered one for Henry-the-English-major, and I will probably want it on my own wish list as well. I ordered it directly from Merriam-Webster and the shipping to my house was $7; it likely varies, but maybe not much. For some reason this was my Amaz0n line in the sand: I WILL GIVE MERRIAM-WEBSTER EVERY POSSIBLE PENNY, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER.

 

We have purchased this Ninja portable-cup smoothie blender twice, once for Rob and once for William:

In both cases, we bought it because the child in question complained that the cups included with our beloved Ninja blender-with-two-16-oz-smoothie-cups (which is its OWN gift idea) are too small. Or rather: they make the right size of smoothie, but they don’t have enough wiggle-room for making it. And neither Rob nor William currently uses a blender for anything else. So we bought them the SMOOTHIE-CUPS-ONLY version (though of course you can blend other things than smoothies in a smoothie cup), but with smoothie cups that are 24-ounce instead of 16-ounce. Frankly I was hoping William would add his to the household, because I agree about the smoothie size, but he has put it aside for the day when he has his own place.

 

I have bought this Swiss Victorinox small serrated knife for Rob and also for myself, and I use mine all the time:

Rob had mentioned that he needed a small multipurpose knife like the ones we have at home. I couldn’t find the ones we have at home with direct shipping. I found this one with direct shipping. Then I got jealous, and here we are. I use it for many kitchen tasks, and also for cutting open shipping boxes (the serration is GREAT on that fibrous tape).

 

William had been fussing over humidity and so forth, and using a vaporizer to try to increase it in winter, so I bought him this La Crosse hygrometer/thermometer that resembled the one I’d inherited from my grandfather and used constantly until the cats knocked it off a shelf one too many times and broke it:

I found it at a local hardware store, and I bought one for myself as well, to use until I can figure out if there is such a thing as a hygrometer/thermometer repairperson.

 

William goes on a lot of long walks, even in winter, and says only his hands are an issue. Paul snowblows our enormous driveway, and even though the handle of the snowblower is heated, his hands still suffer. RECHARGEABLE SLIP-INTO-GLOVES HANDWARMERS FOR BOTH:

Paul has lost his, and has asked for another pair this Christmas.

 

Speaking of reorders, my parents originally bought this meat thermometer for Paul, and it finally broke after many, many years, and he asked for a new one for Christmas, and I bought it gladly because I use it all the time too:

You just stick it into the meat, and it thinks for a few seconds, and it shows you the internal temperature of the meat. I use it mostly for salmon; Paul uses it mostly for steak, burgers, and turkey.

 

This was specifically requested as a cheap, short-term item: one of the kids wanted a two-time-zone watch, to keep track of a friend who was going overseas. There were not as many cheap options as I’d hoped, and we chose this one, which was around $23 when we bought it. It worked as well as expected, which is to say it lasted the summer, and we don’t know if it would have lasted longer because after that it wasn’t needed. It’s advertised as a “women’s” watch, but we used it as a unisex item.

 

Oh, hi! Do you play Pokemon Go, or does someone you love play Pokemon Go? This is a gamble, because not all phone-rockers work for all phones, but this is the phone-rocker I have, and it works for my phone, and it was recommended to me by many other people who also have phones and play Pokemon Go:

I bought this before I had my knee surgery, when I knew I would be unable to go walking as the game required to meet certain goals. Others may use it when they have NOT had knee surgery; I don’t judge. Here are the tips, which sound complicated but are actually easy: the Pokemon Go app should be closed; the phone case should be removed; some people find their phone needs to be upside-down in the holder. Voila: steps.

 

Last year Elizabeth drew William’s name in the Sibling Secret Santa, and she bought him these cat-brushing gloves:

They have been a wild success. William loves them. The cat loves them. I don’t love them. I dramatically prefer this little contour cat-brush, which the cat ALSO loves.

It’s not the best I’ve ever seen at removing fur (that award goes to a vet-recommended wire brush I bought in the 1990s which can no longer be purchased anywhere as far as I can tell), but it is terrific at gently-but-firmly tidying the regal ruff of our medium-fur cat.

 

Do you know someone who has a Steam account, and likes puzzle-solving games? MAY I RECOMMEND BLUE PRINCE:

There are very few games I can tolerate being the AUDIENCE for (*unpleasant flashback to my high school boyfriend wanting me to watch him play one of those stupid start-all-over-when-you-die-which-is-every-10-seconds video games such as Pac-Man or Donkey Kong*), but this is one of them. William and I have been watching Paul play this game for a week now. The gist is that you gradually build the floor-plan of a house room-by-room, in order to figure out your inheritance from an elderly relative who loves puzzles/games. There are things to find (coins, gems, notes, clues, letters, news clippings, security codes), and things to interact with, and things to observe, and mini-puzzles to solve. It’s visually compelling (I WANT TO LIVE IN THIS HOUSE), and fun to gradually figure out what’s going on. Paul and William are more obsessed than I am (there are some rooms where, for example, you figure out how to configure a steam/water pump to make things happen in other rooms, which, YAWN), but I am still enjoying it too.

 

Perhaps you did not realize Old Spice had a holiday deodorant line. WELL LET ME INFORM YOU. I thought these might make good stocking stuffers, so I have tested Jacked Frost and Snickerdudel, and I would say that Snickerdudel is a perfectly acceptable vanilla-type scent (with a little of whatever it is scent-makers think “cookie” smells like), not too strong (I notice it only when I’m putting it on, and not throughout the day—but on the other hand I wear perfume, which tends to mask subtle deodorant scents), and that Jacked Frost smelled unacceptably MAN COLOGNE on me—and not even REMOTELY like mint. It says it is “frosted mint”! I caught NO mint!

Every year I want to do gift-idea posts, and I wait too long and run out of time. Or I keep finding ideas I can’t post, because too many recipients are here. This year I am going to post some gift ideas I used LAST year, which are no longer spoilers. I am going to use Amaz0n links mostly, because it is easy and gets me photos, but I am very keen on the idea of “see it here, buy it elsewhere/local instead.” I am going to list ideas until I get tired, and then start another post with more ideas.

 

I have a family member who is very keen on a bird-identification app, and I tried to use it too because it seems like real-life Pokemon Go, but I couldn’t get it to work on my phone. Anyway, I bought these bird flash cards from the makers of that app, for that friend:

 

Paul wanted The Annotated Wizard of Oz:

He also has The Annotated Alice in Wonderland, and I have annotated Jane Austen: Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Emma, Mansfield Park, Northanger Abbey, and Persuasion. I have to be in the right frame of mind to read an annotated book—but when I am, it feels like all the pleasant parts of taking a little class in something I’m interested in. I feel studious, and interested, and as if I am Bettering My Mind.

 

Last year Elizabeth asked for something that would let her watch DVDs using her laptop. I asked my dad, who is the family maven, if he would be willing to research this for me, and I should have known he would already know of just the right thing:

I don’t use it, so I don’t know exactly how it works, but I guess it connects to your laptop and lets you watch DVDs, since that is what Elizabeth wanted it to do. I was going to get one for freshman-college-student Henry this Christmas, but he mentioned there’s a DVD player on his dorm floor and people already have a habit of gathering there to watch whatever DVDs anyone can round up. So instead I got him a huge pile of DVDs that the library was getting rid of.

 

My mom wanted an ornament that looked like their ridiculous spoiled baby of a tuxedo cat, and I bought this crocheted amigurumi cat (the one on the right) from ZattaCreations on Etsy:

She has tons of other ornaments, and I recommend ordering early—not only to give them time to ship, but also because last year the price gradually went up as Christmas neared. As I type this, the price is $17, which is the lowest price I saw last year before it started going up. I can imagine being an Etsy seller and trying to figure out how much more valuable my time gets as we get closer to the holiday, and how much the price of the product needs to go up for me to be willing to rush around packaging things up and then fighting my way to the post office, when I have my own holiday prep to do.

 

My dad wanted a t-shirt from his local library, but his local library doesn’t seem to sell them (or at least not online), so I got this Support Your Local Library t-shirt instead:

It also comes in a women’s fit. I’ve bought many of these Amaz0n merch-on-demand shirts for myself, and for sizing purposes I can tell you that I like an XXL Tall in Old Navy, and I wear a women’s XXL in Amaz0n merch-on-demand. An XL fits me more flatteringly, but I like a roomier fit for work where I’m moving/bending/reaching a lot.

I don’t know if you know how much stress libraries are under with this administration. Not only is our funding threatened, but there are constant assaults on books that involve “””DEI/LGBTQA+ issues.””” We also have “First Amendment” activists coming in with video cameras, recording us and trying to provoke us into a reaction. And now we have a new “parental rights” law to contend with.

If you don’t have a library card, you can help your library out by getting one: it helps to show that people are using the services. It’s an errand that’ll take you about 5 minutes if you have a driver’s license with your library’s town on it.

 

Two of the kids asked for and received a pomodoro timer:

It’s a time-management device. As I understand it, you flip it to how much time you want to spend on something: a video game, a homework assignment, a chore. When it rings, you stop, and flip it to how much time you want to spend on your next thing. There are a bunch of different designs. William’s been using his constantly since last Christmas. (Rob maybe has been, too, but he doesn’t live with us so I can’t testify.)

 

Speaking of William, we have pretty much committed to getting him one pair of these bogglingly expensive L.L. Bean flannel pajama pants each year, because he is very very tall and these are the only ones that have a long-enough inseam (he says other brands’ talls are not as tall, even if they say they are):

We have the L.L. Bean credit card, which means we get free shipping and also means we gradually accrue points, which means by the end of the year I can usually get a pair of pajama pants either for free or for a really good discount; also, certain plaids will go on sale, and there is usually a sale near Christmas. STILL.

By the way, if you are sending a child to college and you want them to have access to a credit card for emergencies and for authorized expenses, L.L. Bean is the one we eventually settled on—to my surprise, since we originally got the card ourselves only for the free shipping. The account-holder can add up to five people allowed to use the same account, but each person has their own card with their own name and own number. All the charges come to the account-holder (in this case, me), broken down by who spent what and where. So for example if a college child spends money on concert tickets instead of on textbooks and Tylenol, I am on them like a duck on a june bug. Initially we tried to share a different credit card; and although it let us add a child, that child’s spending was mixed in with ours and I felt as if I was going to lose my mind trying to figure out what was a legitimate charge and what wasn’t.

 

Henry asked for Bea Wolf and it did not disappoint:

It’s a graphic novel retelling of Beowulf, for middle-grade kids. Henry was a high school senior at the time, but that did not dim his enjoyment. But also he is an English major, so.

 

Last year, one of my regrets is that I did not have/make time to do my new Eurographics Christmas Doughnuts puzzle; this year I am DETERMINED to prioritize it. I mention it in case you want to be puzzle twins with me:

If you prefer a more difficult puzzle, I can say that the Eurographics Sweet Christmas puzzle was one level above my ability to do, while still being very good. One of Henry’s friends had to help me. (Henry ran a weekly D&D group, and every week this friend would arrive a little early and work on the puzzle. It was the only way I got it done. All that brown and tan!! all that cream-colored background!!)

I have had a heart-pounding morning, because I arrived at my computer with my coffee to find that MANY, MANY ITEMS in my Amaz0n cart were on sale—including ALL the Melissa & Doug things I had put there as ideas for the preschooler we’re buying gifts for this holiday season. The doctor playset! The dentist playset! The tiara/crown set! The dress-up dolls! The dinosaur Water Wow! The ice-cream counter playset! The farm cube puzzle my own kids played with! The dinosaur drawing playset! ALL OF IT SUDDENLY MUCH CHEAPER.

Well. My first impulse was to buy up every single item. But also I DO want to be sensible, and we are NOT supposed to be deluging the child with toys (they will receive more toys from another community program). I tried to breathe slowly and choose what I ACTUALLY thought were the best items for this particular child, WITHOUT thinking too much about “But it’s such a GOOD DEAL!!,” and I ended up buying the vet playset, the tiara/crown set, and the dinosaur Water Wow.

I chose the vet set because it seemed to me it had everything good about the doctor set, plus the vet concept. I wanted to buy half a dozen Water Wows, but who knows if she even likes those? The dinosaur drawing set was SO reduced—but, looking at it closely, I thought it seemed too old for her. The ice-cream counter is SO fun, but since her list specifically mentions Little People, I want to put the other part of the toy gift budget toward something there. Etc.

I also bought her the same Wild Republic Cuddlekins triceratops I bought for preschool Elizabeth when she was in HER dinosaur phase. I was going to buy it even at its usual $15, but it was down to under $10. It is SO nice and huggy; I used to cuddle it myself when I was feeling low.

A note about Amaz0n. Sigh. I have mentioned before that I am trying to buy less from there. And I am succeeding: there are now many things I used to buy at Amaz0n that I buy at local stores or through other websites. I am also succeeding at STOPPING AND THINKING before automatically buying from there: can I buy this somewhere else? is the amount I save worth it? etc. This all made me feel as if I should not put Amaz0n links on this blog, even if I did buy those things from Amaz0n, because it felt like…setting a bad example? or enabling, or something? But the thing is, I DO still buy things there, and especially at Christmas. So I am just going to go ahead and link to things, and know that you are adults who can make your own decisions about your own purchases, and also that we all understand the difference between a REDUCTION and a TOTAL CESSATION, and that I don’t need to mention it every single time. And I hope that those of you who HAVE succeeded in a total cessation will not think less of me—or that it will be only a small amount less, a little sigh’s worth.

We are having a surprise bridal shower for a coworker I don’t know well (our shifts don’t usually overlap) but feel fondly towards. She is a couple years older than my eldest child, and she is kind, and she has a pleasingly formal attitude like she should be wearing gloves and a hat, and she is being picked on by the same boss who has been picking on me.

I don’t know her well enough to choose a gift. I snooped for a registry online, and found one, but it’s the kind where people contribute money towards, for example, “dinner for two” or “couple’s massage,” which reads to me as “We don’t need anything except money.” Our workplace is doing a greeting card and anyone can add cash to it, so I’m going to take what I would have spent on a gift and put it as cash in the card.

But I would ALSO like to buy her a little token gift. Maybe something in the $10-15 range. I’m thinking along the lines of…whimsical/seasonal kitchen towels. I remember liking the fall-themed items we received for our fall wedding, and I thought of them sort of romantically. Or if they were still available, I might go super-practical and get her a couple of my favorite spatula/turners. Or a set of the wee little spoons I use all the time. Or I could give them a few of the pretty little ceramic bowls I find at HomeGoods/TJMaxx/Marshalls, which are the perfect size for a million things, and are also pretty. Actually, the little bowls idea seems perfect (useful; small; personal; pretty) and that is probably what I am going to do.

But pretend I did not just talk myself into that! Pretend it is several minutes earlier and I am still thinking! Because I AM still thinking, and have NOT yet purchased the bowls, so I am still interested in discussing this and hearing your ideas! Did you receive something small when you got married and you still use it all the time? I received a set of three small clear glass bowls; over the decades we have broken two but we still have one left, and we still use it all the time.

In situations like this, I do NOT worry (much) about accidentally getting someone something they don’t need/want: of course I TRY to get them something I THINK they will need/want, but if I fail in that task I trust them to redistribute all such items as they see fit: to a friend, to a shelter or pantry, to Goodwill, etc. And in this case, where I am ALSO giving them some cash they definitely want/need, and where I am a coworker and not even a close one, I am not worrying at all about my additional token gift, and we can just have fun with it.

By the way, if you need a quick pretty small thing in the $15 range, I notice these Lucky Brand heart safety-pin earrings are $14 down from $20:

I own these, and although recently I’ve been wearing the same surgical-steel piercing studs in my ears around the clock and never changing them, when I DID change earrings daily I wore these regularly and got lots of compliments on them. They were the equivalent of silver hoops, in that they went with almost everything, but more interesting and eye-catching.

••••••••

I have five pre-set stations on my shower radio, and I am toggling mostly between two of them: NPR, and a station that plays all Christmas music. If I can’t tolerate one, I switch to the other. If I can’t tolerate the second one, either, I usually switch the radio off: right now I don’t want to listen to pop or indie music.

I am Christmassing and Christmassing and there is still so much Christmassing to do. But I remember this stage from other years: you WORK and WORK and WORK and it seems like it will never be done—and then suddenly it’s done. So many presents to buy, and then no more presents to buy. Endless presents to wrap, and then no more presents to wrap. Endless cards to write, and then no more cards to write. So many items to deliver so many places, and then the pile is gone and there isn’t anything left to do but put on the Christmas jammies and eat pastry.

Shopping has to be done before wrapping, and some shopping/wrapping has to be done in plenty of time for shipping, and cards can wait until closer to the day, so I am focusing most of my energy on shopping. It is still helping me to concentrate on one person at a time (while remaining alert to the idea that a present for one person might also work as a present for another person).

I worked yesterday and am continuing to work today on Paul’s sister Beth, who has lived for nearly a decade with a boyfriend we have never met. Beth is a combination of stressful and completely-unstressful for me: I hardly know her at all, and so the pressure is off…and on. And also: she has far fewer people in her life to exchange gifts with, so I spend disproportionately more on her than on other family members.

You may wonder, and it would be fair: why doesn’t PAUL shop for his OWN SISTER? Well, there are two main reasons, no there are three: (1) Because he wouldn’t! He just wouldn’t! When his parents were alive he didn’t shop for them either!! I cannot comprehend it!! (2) Because I genuinely enjoy shopping. This is one of those chore categories where I would like to resent him in a theoretical way, without him actually changing and starting to do what he should. I miss shopping for his parents, and would be disappointed not to shop for his sister anymore. (3) Because he doesn’t know what to buy for her either. He is between three and four years older, so when he left for college she was a high school freshmen, and then their parents divorced and he stopped going home. And to place blame fairly, NEITHER sibling is communicative with the other. So the last time he knew her, she was 13 or 14, and now she’s in her late forties, and so he doesn’t know if she would want a Christmas puzzle or not, he can only say that he doesn’t remember her being particularly interested in puzzles when she was a child.

Beth and I have tried various ways to make gift-giving work better for us (we both LIKE sending an annual Christmas package to the other household, but we both admit defeat in terms of knowing what to buy, and in terms of being able to figure out a way to communicate useful information, considering Paul’s family has an apparently unshakeable aversion to wish lists), and last year we finally gave up and agreed on a We Send What We Feel Like Sending That Year and We Don’t Worry About It model. I like to send A Nice Assortment: something festive/decorative, something to eat, something to read, something cozy, something new we got this year and liked—I try to build the equivalent of a basket at a charity auction that pretty much anyone could be happy with parts of it if they won it, and/or find it easy to pass the unwanted elements on to others. Heated throw blanket! Fun/fancy cookies/candies in a special tin! A light, general interest book! Some nice tea or hot chocolate! Festive hand soap! The rechargeable flashlights I bought for Paul and he was unexpectedly excited about them! Etc.

This year I started by making basically a Festive Target Care Package: it needed to cost more than $35 to get the free shipping, and my goal was to put together something that would work if she deliberately opened it before Christmas, as she sometimes inexplicably does. I wanted things that were for the household in general, so that they could count as being gifts for her boyfriend too; I have given up trying to send something specifically for him (flannel shirt, wool socks, etc.). Here’s what I sent:

Embroidered initial ornaments, one in her initial and one in her boyfriend’s initial.

 

Marks & Spencer Light-Up Tea Tin. We sent them a different light-up Marks & Spencer tin last year. What I like about these is that if they WANT to, they can collect the pretty tins and gradually build a little set of decorative items; but if they DON’T want to, they can consume the treat inside and get rid of the tin. Or, the in-between option: they can display it for just this one year and then get rid of it.

 

Christmas kitchen towels. Target has been doing artist-collaboration Christmas collections, and I like that. I have these in my own cart, too; I don’t really need more holiday kitchen towels, but if they go on sale or if my cart is $5 short of free shipping, well.

 

Oreo Snowballs. What…ARE these? I like to buy This Year’s New Novelty Treats for the kids’ stockings, and I like to send some to Paul’s sister, too.

 

White chocolate pretzels, festive edition. One of the only things I know about Paul’s sister is that she likes white chocolate, so I always include SOMETHING white chocolate.

 

Reese’s Peanut Butter trees. One of the only things I know about Paul’s sister’s boyfriend is that he likes peanut butter, so I usually include SOMETHING peanut butter.

 

Peppermint Crunch Junior Mints. I love these things; they’re only available at Christmas; and I needed like one more dollar to hit the thirty-five dollar threshold.

 

Now that that has been dispatched, I am looking at some other assorted gifts I could send.

Lighted birch trees. Are you getting so, so tired of me recommending these everlasting birch trees?? Well, but listen: my parents, who now if I have understood correctly have purchased SIX MORE TREES to add to their original two (they have two trees IN THEIR BATHROOM), pointed out that the trees now come with a USB plug option. And perhaps the ONLY thing I don’t like about these trees is that I have to keep recharging and changing the batteries, which can also make them a little challenging to give as a gift if someone doesn’t have rechargeable batteries. BUT NOW THE TREES CAN PLUG IN. So for this year’s Secret Santa at work, I am buying my assigned person one tree, and I will include a USB wall charger block (the two-pack was a much better deal than the one-pack, so I will give them one and put one in our assorted-charging-devices drawer) and a nice long A to C cable (the two pack was a much better deal so etc.) so they can plug it in and put it even on a nice high piece of furniture, and not have to worry about batteries! I am thinking of sending Beth a two-pack of trees plus the two-pack charging blocks and the two-pack cables.

 

Cat bunk beds. I have this on my own wish list this year. And Paul’s sister has two cats plus a cat-sized dog.

 

Eurographics Christmas Doughnuts puzzle. I am personally a 300-500-piece puzzler if at all, and I don’t like difficult puzzles—but I have personally put together several 1000-piece Eurographics puzzles and really enjoyed them. They do a good job of making it so that you can scan for That Particular Shade of Green or That Particular Texture, and so some of the puzzles can be done even by a less-driven, more-recreational puzzler who likes to be able to go snap-snap-snap with the pieces and not get too frustrated. (Not ALL their puzzles are like this: I found their Holiday Cats puzzle WAY WAY WAY too challenging for me, to the point that I stopped trying, boxed it back up, and gave it away in a Buy Nothing group.) Where was I? Oh, yes: this Christmas doughnuts one reminds me of their OTHER donuts puzzle which I’ve done more than once and I love it, so I bought the Christmas one for our household this year and maybe I should buy it for Beth’s as well.

 

Storey’s Curious Compendium of Practical and Obscure Skills. You may remember this from the post about what to buy my 13-year-old nephew. Beth and her boyfriend do not seem to be READERS-readers, but they do seem to like light, general-interest books.

 

BomBombs hot chocolate sampler. Henry, whose list is skimpy this year, added “interesting hot chocolates” to his wish list, and I immediately emailed my OTHER sister-in-law, the one married to my brother, because, speaking tangentially once again of my nephew, my nephew each year puts “hot cocoa sampler set” on his list, so I knew my sister-in-law would have already looked into this. She said she’s getting him this set for the second year in a row, which is a good endorsement, and I chose the smaller set for Henry in part because I am unsure of his commitment to hot cocoa, and in part because the smaller set comes packaged in wee charming little disposable cups (which cannot be used to make the cocoa, they are just decorative), and in part because the smaller set comes with some more extreme novelty flavors such as bacon, and I think Henry would enjoy that. After I bought it, I re-added it to my cart so I could consider it for Beth.

••••••••

That’s what I’ve got so far, and nothing seems like quite the right assortment, but it’s getting to be Time To Decide: some things are still two- or three-day delivery but others already have delivery dates into the December 20s. Maybe the trees and the book and the hot chocolate—but I am really leaning toward the silly cat bunk beds, and also I don’t feel confident about the book. The bunk bed and the trees and the hot chocolate?

Do you have things you’re buying for people on your list, things that would work as more general gifts for people we don’t know very well?

Normally I title gift posts “for a 13-year-old,” “for an 8-year-old,” etc., but it looks funny when it’s “for a 23-year-old” or even “for a 19-year-old.” If you have older kids to buy for, here are some of the things my kids have on their wish lists. I’ve done mostly William’s (23) and Elizabeth’s  (19) shopping so far, so this is mostly from their lists.

 

A pomodoro timer. I don’t know what it is, either. William put it on his list, and he said it was a productivity timer; I see in the description it’s good for time-management, ADHD, etc. I asked Edward if he would enjoy such an item or if it’s like getting a chore chart for Christmas, and Edward said it seemed fun BUT that he was already using a good phone app for that. So then I got one for Rob, who has nothing on his wish list and DOES seem interested in productivity/time-management and DOESN’T have a smartphone so can’t be using an app.

 

A Chinese abacus. (There are also Japanese ones, with differently-shaped beads.) This is William again. He asked for one that would look nice on his desk, not the rainbow-colors kind made for children. I used a fair chunk of missed-work hours on this task. I just could not decide. There were miniature ones with brass beads and a marble base, but I thought those looked too small, especially since he wants to learn how to actually use it. I narrowed it down to three or four vintage sets on eBay, all pretty similar but different colors/glazes, and then just picked my favorite. (The one I bought is of course no longer available, so I linked to one that looks the same.)

 

A Useful Chart. William has this Timeline of World History one, and wanted a Timeline of U.S. History and/or Writing Systems of the World. I got both, one for Christmas and one for his birthday. I also got Rob the Evolutionary Tree of Life.

 

Elizabeth had Birkenstock sandals on her list, and I texted her to ask did she know Birkenstocks were like $100, and she modified her entry to be “Birkenstock-like sandals, basic/black, to be easy indoor shoes.” I looked for ones that seemed to match the description of Birkenstocks, with pretty good reviews, available in her size, and chose these. Sometimes with this sort of gift idea I consider my choice a First Attempt: if this isn’t right, they can come back with a better description (and/or LINK) next time.

 

She also wanted “a world map, for wall decoration.” I thought: I am NOT getting this on Amazon, I do NOT trust them not to have some AI-generated garbage full of errors, I am going straight to either Rand McNally or National Geographic. I studied the options on both those sites and picked a National Geographic map (I liked that it was neither the usual pastels nor the also-nice-but-very-familiar sepia tints) and clicked the Buy link—and it took me to Amazon. Well FINE.

 

Elizabeth wanted “one or two” coloring books, and declined to give further information, and even you who know me so well might find it hard to believe how much time I spent looking at coloring books and reading reviews. The trouble is that for every review that says “WONDERFUL, my FAVORITE, pages don’t leak through AT ALL!,” there is another that says “BORING, coloring areas too big/small/dark, pages LEAK!!” The other trouble is that there are a TON of Amazon-self-published ones saturating the search results, many of them AI-generated and full of weirdnesses. Finally I chose these two, figuring that she is an art student and can source her own art materials/information if needed: Color at Home: A Young House Love Coloring Book with pictures of interiors and fun things to color like book spines and throw pillows; and Worlds of Wonder, chosen agonizingly among the various Johanna Basford options, because there seemed to be widespread agreement that her coloring books were wonderful, but also widespread talk about how they had changed in recent years, and also all of them looked so good, and anyway I finally chose one.

 

This is more a stocking stuffer: I like to get the kids socks/underwear for their stockings every year, and as I was shopping the possibilities I turned to Henry and said, “You wouldn’t wear strawberry-print socks, would you?” (thinking he might, but it’s so hard to tell), and he regarded them for a moment and said “I would.” I took a risk and got the mushroom ones for Edward, figuring they could always end up in Henry’s sock drawer if Edward doesn’t want to wear them. And these are a different brand, but I got these cute retro striped crew socks for Elizabeth.