R. writes:

Our baby girl is due Feb. 13, 2012. Last name starts with a K. We are looking for a name that will sound good with Emma Mae – that’s our first daughter who will be 15 months old when the new baby is born. I always wanted an Emma because of the Jane Austen novels and I like traditional/old fashioned names but nothing that is so old we’d be the first people to use the name in like 50 years. I’ve always loved Abigail, but we know too many Abby’s personally. I also like Mona but my husband doesn’t.

Some of our names we are going back and forth on are:

1st Choice currently – Evelyn Ann (Ann is my mother in law’s middle name) (Mae is my mom’s middle name) I like names that I can shorten to a nickname like this would be Evie Ann…I call our daughter Emmie Mae

Caroline or Carolina

Kaitlyn Ann — would probably be called Katie Ann (This is my husband’s choice, I don’t like how it sounds with Emma personally)

If we ever have a boy our first choice would be Noah Michael, and we also like Joshua Allan, and Lucas Scott. So we’d like our baby girl’s name to sound good with those boy names as well. We’d like to have 4 kids.

Suggestions?

From your lists, Kaitlyn is the one that stands out to me as not fitting in with the others—either with the other girl names or with the potential future boy names. A name like Katherine would give you the nickname Katie, while keeping your name list in the old-fashioned/traditional theme. Or Kate is also a good stand-alone name, although then it doesn’t sound right with the middle name.

Emmie and Evie seem too similar to me, but maybe they wouldn’t be. I’m trying them aloud and can’t decide.

It’s too bad Abigail is out, because it seems to me like an excellent sister set with Emma. Do you like Gabrielle instead, with Gabby instead of Abby?

Or Annabel? It shares some of the sounds of Abigail, and I think it’s so sweet with Emma. Emma and Annabel. It messes up your middle name choice, though.

I love Sadie with Emma, too, or Sophie, or Lucy, or Molly. Maybe Sophia, and have Emma/Sophia and Emmie/Sophie.

The Baby Name Wizard suggests Grace, Lily, Julia, Isabel, and Chloe. I especially like Lily, or maybe Lillian. Emma and Lillian; Emmie Mae and Lily Ann.

If you love Jane Austen, I suggest Jane. It’s old fashioned, traditional, and underused but not at all unfamiliar. Emma and Jane is almost too wonderful. But as with Kate, it’s choppy with the middle name.

I wonder if you’d like Charlotte. Emma and Charlotte; Emmie Mae and Lottie Ann.

Emily writes:

I absolutely adore your blog and can’t get enough of baby name talk. An issue has been bothering me for a while and I’d love to hear what you/your readers think. One of my favorite names is Rue. This would be a nickname (everyday use) for Ruby which was the name of the beloved matriarch of our family. I love everything about it: the meaning of the full name, how cute it is as a call name and the rarity of it. However, by definition Rue means regret. It’s not often used anymore except in literature, but is that negative meaning enough to ruin the name? Does the full name “Ruby” cancel out that meaning?

Just wondering if you have thoughts on the issue, or perhaps other examples with a similar problem.

Thanks for your time!

Ah! Yes! I am interested in this topic too. I am trying to remember when it recently came up. Oh, I remember: I love the names Malcolm and Mallory—but Mal means bad, and I took Latin.

I don’t put much stock in baby name meanings—for example, that Emma means “healer of the universe” or that Isaac means “she laughed.” I give it about as much thought as I’d give to flower meanings if Paul brought me a bouquet. (“Bachelor buttons?? Why didn’t he just TELL me he wanted a divorce?? And why did I marry someone whose name means SMALL?”) Different baby name books will give completely different meanings for the same name; and some names are retroactively given meanings from religious or mythological sources, but what did the name mean before then?

But when it’s a WORD meaning, I get more involved. Rue. Mal. Bella. Patience. Hunter. I might still use one, but I’d consider the issue carefully.

One question is how familiar the word is as a name. We know a lily is a flower, and that gives the name Lily a pleasant floral imagery—but we’re very familiar with it as a name. It’s different if we meet a little girl named Sunflower, or Sapphire.

Another question is how familiar the name is as a word. The name Patience immediately brings the word patience to mind, but we don’t use the word “felicitations” anymore so might not think of it with the name Felicity. Most of us might know that “bella” is the word for beautiful in Italy—but it’s not the word for beautiful in the U.S. We might know the name Cooper is a tradesman name, but most of us would be hard-pressed to come up with barrel-making; Archer and Sailor are more evocative.

In the case of Ruby/Rue, I think you’re in the clear. As you point out, we don’t use the word rue much anymore (Paul and I still say it because of a Penny Arcade comic strip, but we don’t say it MUCH). And we’re somewhat familiar with it as a name, and I suspect we’ll be even more familiar with it as this generation of Ruth/Ruby babies grow up. And as you also point out, it would be a nickname rather than the given name: naming a boy Malcolm is different than going straight to Mal; naming a girl Isabella is different than going straight to Bella. And it’s an honor/namesake name, which gives it a new meaning related to your beloved family matriarch, which I’d say trumps other meanings.

You could also consider spelling it Ru.

Corrie writes:

Hi there, I’m PRAYING you can help. I’m due in six weeks but we don’t know the sex. My husband and I are sort of agreeing (ish) on names but I don’t feel like we’ve nailed it yet. Our surname is Butcher (bad times) – so girl names need to be really pretty and soft to counterbalance it (I quite like the old-fashioned names but with Butcher, it often sounds like a 99 year old woman so we have to be careful!) I also like the idea of giving a daughter my middle name, which is my mum’s maiden name (she gave it to me to continue the name as she’s an only child) – it’s Lane. The trouble is that the only names we actually agree on are so common and I’d love something a little bit less obvious.

GIRLS
We both like:

Lily Lane
Ella Lane

But they’re both so common…

My husband has vetoed:
Romilly (I LOVE this but he won’t budge)
Silvie
Elodie
Gracie

Names we can’t consider because of family: Evie, Amelie, Oliver, Sam, Louis, Maisie, Charlotte, Arabella, Max

BOYS
We both like good, solid names. I would LOVE to go with something more whimsical/trendy (Marlo, Auden etc) but there’s no way my husband will go for it. He wants something traditional. It’s just trying to get a balance between traditional but not too obvious. Er, I haven’t even got as far as the middle name for a boy…

We both like (ish):

Atticus (Atty for short) – I kind of love this – husband less so – but don’t think we’re brave enough to do it
Arthur (Arty) – this is my husband’s favourite but I’m just not feeling it enough; I don’t really like the nickname
Oscar – bit obvious
Teddy (full name Edward) – I love this but my husband isn’t keen – I think it’s adorable!
Fred/Freddie – both like this but it’s so obvious

My husband has vetoed:
Albert (Bertie for short)

I would really appreciate any guidance – I’ve been through a zillion books and just can’t seem to crack it!

Thank you

Another issue with both Lily and Ella is how much L they have with Lane. But this is less of an issue with a middle name it would be with a surname.

I’d like to recommend Ivy instead of Lily, but with Butcher it suddenly makes me think of I.V. needles.

Iris, maybe, instead? Iris Lane; Iris Butcher. Sweet and feminine, and reduces the L problem. In the U.S., it’s significantly less popular than Lily and Ella—but I see in the U.K. stats it’s barely an improvement.

I see Lydia has fallen there. It’s so close to Lily, but now it’s out of the Top 100. Lydia Lane is fun to say. But does it sound as good there as it does here, where it’s rising?

This is one reason I am hesitant to give advice for any other country: names have so many associations, and it’s hard to figure out the associations they’d have for another country. Those of us in the U.S. might make a suggestion that leaves you thinking “WHAT on EARTH are they TALKING about??”—or we might give positive/negative feedback that would only apply to a name used HERE and would be otherwise useless. Do we have any UK readers to lend a hand with this one?

C. writes:

My husband and I are expecting a baby girl in February. We have the name Emeline picked out, in fact it’s the only name in the running really. But what I’ve been wondering is if it’s too matchy with my 1 year old daughters name, Adelaide. Maybe I’m just over-analyzing it, but when I was comparing the names syllable by syllable (of which they each have three, another way in which they ‘match’) they seem to have a lot of similarities.

Ad uh layd
Em uh liyn

So – Is it too much? Thanks in advance for your help!

Oh, we also plan on having other children, would the matchyness limit our choices quite a bit for names later on?

To me it sounds like a very nice coordinated fit. The main similarity, I think, is the three syllables with the emphasis on the first syllable. Sound-wise, they share an “uh-l” in the middle, but otherwise have nice differences: different starting/ending vowel sounds and different starting/ending consonants. It tempts me to think of other very nice coordinated fits (Genevieve, Meredith, Josephine, Vivian, Juliet, Lorelei, Cecily, Natalie, Lydia, Rosemary…) for future sisters. And yet I think they’d be fine without such coordination: Adelaide, Emeline, and Sophia. Adelaide, Emeline, and Clara. Adelaide, Emeline, and Violet. Adelaide, Emeline, and Charlotte. Adelaide, Emeline, and Louisa. Adelaide, Emeline, and Cordelia. Adelaide, Emeline, and Felicity. Adelaide, Emeline, and Camilla.

I think they’re great together. Nice work!

What does everyone else think?

K. writes:

I really enjoy reading your blog and hope you can help make some good suggestions for us. This February we are expecting twin boys. Total shock for us but super excited about it. My husband and I have a fair amount of names that we like, but can’t seem to agree on a solid pair of names that we just love. I would describe our taste in names as traditional with a strong pull towards names that are Irish/English sounding. We dislike strongly names that sound made up (like your Caydens and Neveahs), nature sounding names (no Willows or Ivys please) and anything super trendy. Our last name rhymes with Darling and we have an older son named Charles (we call him Charlie). Had Charlie been a girl, he would have been Nora, Claire or Mary Kate. Here is a list of what we’re working with so far:

Brendan -like
Thomas -love nn Tommy
Eamon- my personal fav, husband not sold on yet.
Peter-husband hates, I like
Liam-husband likes, I don’t
Andrew-husband likes, too popular for me, but I think Andy is cute nn.
John-like
Quinn-like but worried might be more of a girls name/ gender neutral name
Graham-almost used instead of Charlie, but now my MIL wishes to be called Gram so for me it’s out.

Names we can not use because friends and family have used them recently: Henry, Jack, Connor, Colin, William, Michael, Kevin.

We are not so worried about middle names for now.

We want the pair to sound nice together and flow well with Charlie. I am not sure if I love or hate the idea of twin names that are matchy-matchy. For example Timmy and Tommy are cute together for a minute, but I fear after awhile it would sound a little too sugary sweet. I feel like we are on the right track but just kind of stuck on ideas. Interested in your suggestions, Swistle. Thanks for your help!

and

My boys were born yesterday, very early, and are twin a and twin b for now.

Congratulations on your two new sons.

I am in favor of slight extra-coordination for twin names. With my own twins, I was hoping for a small connection such as same first initial, or reverse first-middle initials (for example, one J.E. and the other E.J.), or same number of letters, or repeating sounds (Emily and Liane was one of my favorite girl-twin combinations, for the same number of letters and the repeating “lee” sound), or similar endings, or initials A and B for twins A and B, or anything like that. It happened that the two names we liked best had nothing in common at all, and I am still a little sorry about that.

Working with your list, here are my favorite combinations:

Peter and Thomas; Pete and Tom
Eamon and Liam
Thomas and Andrew; Tommy and Andy (same number letters/syllables for 1st names)
Liam and John (same number of letters)
Andrew and Brendan (share the -an-, and also are A and B initials)

Along with John, James is one of my favorite classic/traditional names. James would go nicely with some of the other names on your list. Thomas and James would give you Tommy and Jimmy, which is significantly less matchy than Tommy and Timmy, while still giving a pleasing additional level of coordination.

It seems to me that Daniel would fit in well with the rest of your list. I think the nickname Dan sounds like such a nice guy.

Daniel and Thomas; Dan and Tom
Daniel and Andrew; Dan and Andy (repeating sounds/letters)
Daniel and Brendan (both have “dan”)
Daniel and Benjamin; Dan and Ben

If Andrew is too common, would you like Anderson? You’d still have the nickname Andy.

To go completely off-list, I like the idea of combining two of the boy names in the longer-names-with-short-nicknames category (and I love it extra when the nicknames also have the same number of letters!) (I know, but I just DO love that kind of thing. I also love Christmassy names at Christmastime):

Benjamin and Jonathan; Ben and Jon
Nathanial and Nicholas; Nate and Nick
Nicholas and Christopher; Nick and Chris (subtle Christmas theme)
Anderson and Harrison; Andy and Harry
Alexander and Nicholas; Alex and Nick
Theodore and Alexander; Theo and Alex
Alexander and Benjamin; Alex and Ben (twins A and B)
Anderson and Benjamin; Andy and Ben (twins A and B)

Malcolm and Callum are names that are similar to Liam, and may have too MANY sounds in common—but maybe not. Mal and Cal are probably too cute—but maybe not.

Callum and Liam also share many sounds, without having possibly-overly-coordinated nicknames.

Davis and Harris would make a nice set: matching endings, and yet the names are so different.

Elliot and Miles go together nicely without matching.

Miles and James share the same number of letters and the same ending. Is that too many -es boys for your family, or is it an additional plus?

If your husband is not quite sold on Eamon, I wonder if he would prefer Ian or Owen or Evan or Ethan?

I love Owen with Liam.

Ian is one of my favorites, but I’m not sure what to pair it with. Ian and James? Ian and Eli? Ooo, that’s kind of fun, to be three letters together! Charles, Eli, and Ian?

Ian and Leo might be better because they have the 3-letter thing but they don’t share as many sounds. Charles, Ian, and Leo. I love that.

Ian and Isaac would give you matching initials but with non-matchy sounds.

John and Isaac are nice together without being matchy.

Simon and Isaac share the same number of letters, and also that nice strong I-sound.

Simon and Oliver are nice together without being matchy.

Elliot and Oliver share the same number of letters and syllables, as well as the L-sound, and I love how they also tie in to the L-sound of Charles.

Oliver and Jasper share the same number of letters and also the -er ending.

Asher and Felix don’t quite seem like they’d fit in with your style, but both of them mean lucky.

Isaac mans “she laughed,” and I think the implication of surprised delight (the meaning comes from the Bible, where a woman barren and now also post-menopausal finds out she’s pregnant at last) makes it a particularly good name for an unexpected child: it would make a good name for the second twin, since he was the surprise.

Felix and Isaac share the same number of letters and mean, respectively, luck and surprised delight. It’s a nice combination for twins.

Asher and Bennett have good meanings (lucky and blessed), and also work nicely for twins A and B. (Plus, as with all the other A&B combinations, your children’s initials would be A, B, and C. But I don’t recommend this if it would make you feel pressured to continue it with the next child.)

Two of my favorite Celtic names are Declan and Cormac. Dec and Mac are adorable nicknames.

Some of these pairings might also make a nice first-middle combinations: Isaac Simon. Asher Bennett. Oliver Simon. Miles Elliot. Oliver Elliot. Ian James. Etc.

Since you don’t have particular middle names in mind, I love the idea of using one twin’s first initial as the other twin’s middle initial. So for example, if you went with Andrew and Brendan, it would be fun to name them Andrew Bennett and Brendan Asher (if those initials don’t spell anything awkward with the surname). Or Nicholas and Christopher could be Nicholas Cormac and Christopher Nathan. Or Ian and Leo could be Ian Lachlan and Leo Isaac.

Erin writes:

I have been following and commenting on your blog for many years now (before I was married even), and here I am finally writing to you and your readers for help with an actual baby! (a book, sorry about that, feel free to edit)! I am Erin, my husband is Brian, and our last name sounds like you-dell (accent on the dell). We chose our last name together as a mixture of our surnames but didn’t realize how it would limit us from almost all french baby names ending in L, many of which I love (ie Noelle). This is our first baby, due in March, but we don’t know what we are having yet. We anticipate having two children, possibly three, but for naming purposes I am thinking of the sibling set in terms of two, as I’m fairly confident we can come up with a third we love if need be. Here are our lists:

Boy names we both agree on:
Griffin (he loves)
Everett (I love)
Owen (friends just named their son this, its extremely popular where we live but we both love)
Josiah (too old testament? The other three are pulling away from this candidate)

Girl names we both agree on:
Audrey (we both love and is current front runner, but I always wanted to stay away from girls names ending in y or ie for various freakonomics reasons – namely that those names give the impression of “least smart” according to the studies. Also, sometimes I have trouble with the Odd and the “DR” sound rolling off my tongue. Wondering if there will be confusion with all the Aubreys out there. Stylistically though, this is exactly what we are looking for).

Lilah (he loves more than me, we also have a dog named Lola – is it a little frilly to yell at her soccer game?)

Clara (he loves more than me, I find a bit frumpy in feel but love the acoustic value of it)

Eliza (I love more than him)

Genevieve (he loves, I have trouble with all the nn possibilities – and would hate if her name was shortened to Gen. I took Madeline off the list because of the Maddie nn, but I am hoping for an Eve or Evie/Eva nn out of Genevieve)

Claire (I love, this is my mothers middle name who I would like to honor and together with our last name Claire reminds me of my favorite classical piece, Clair De Lune – but he finds a bit plain so I am definitely willing to move to middle name spot)

Elizabeth (mostly because we both love Liz/Lizzie. My middle name is Elizabeth though, so it feels a bit narcissistic to use this as a first).

Sienna and Annika are also high on the list, but don’t match the others in style (they do seem to fit alright with eachother, though, I think).

To give you an idea of names we don’t agree on, here are a few of his:

boys:
Jameson
Evan
Holden

Girls:
Eva
Naomi
Alexandria
Teagan
Mackenzie

and mine:
boys:
Grant

girls:
Mia
Colette (LOVE, but he does not care for)

Names that are OUT (but we like):
Oliver
David
Timothy
John
Eric
Madeline
Leah
Lydia
Brianna
Catherine
Greta
Megan
Lauren
any elle names (adele, noelle, etc. because of our last name)
any names beginning with F (because the initials would be horrid)
any names ending in a ya sound, including names like Amelia and Cecilia (because when said fast, you get a ya-ya effect with our last name).

For middles we would like to honor family. for girls the middle will be Claire if the first is not Clara or Claire after my mom, and for boys we are working with Curtis, Gerard, Emory, and a host of other kind of blech names. Curtis or Gerard would be for my father however, and since we are closest to him, would be the best ones to use. My dad is a pretty laid back guy though, and wouldn’t care too much if he werent honored and my mom was.

Ready for a weird restriction? I can’t stand long A sounds, so names like Amy, Katie, Jane, Rachel etc. don’t really work. Same with boys (no Ames or Aiden or any of that). I truly get a bad taste in my mouth when I say long As, so I don’t want to have that every time I say my child’s name. I don’t even love short A sounds like Abigail or Alexandria but Ah sounds (like Annika and Audrey) are just fine. Have you ever heard of that before?

I would prefer shorter, one or no nickname names, but husband likes nn’s more. In a perfect world, the name would be of Irish, French or German origin, but we haven’t found a lot of those that we love that aren’t already on the list. I am tempted to name all my potential children (two boys, boy and girl, two girls) now and have it set going forward, but my mind has already changed so much since I’ve gotten pregnant, who knows where I will be in a few years. I do know that from our lists, we have a lot in the same categories that would work as sibling sets, so I am not as worried about that (if I have Sienna, I will probably opt for an Annika next, and if I have a Lilah, I will opt for a Clara or Audrey next – Elizabeth and Genevieve (Liz and Eve). Eliza works with almost all of them). Griffin and Owen or Everett and Audrey, there are combos that work. I am having a hard time imagining cradling my baby and calling him or her things, but I have been trying. My problem is I love all the names I will have to discard, and I can find something wrong with all of the names I have chosen after I say them over and over again. Will I ever be satisfied or know which one is THE ONE? Please help us narrow down our choices! New suggestions I am open to too, but I am sure I have already considered all the options, as I am a true name nerd! Sometimes,
though, it takes having someone else re-suggest it for you to really feel it, so I’d definitely reconsider other names!

In terms of popularity, I’d like to stay out of the top 10 or so, but if a name is classic and pretty popular (like Elizabeth) I am ok with that. I am a little afraid Lilah or Clara will be the next Emma, though, given the trajectories of the names. For whatever reason, I don’t have the same panic about picking boys names as I do girls names, and I can’t explain why. The girl name has to be perfect, whereas the boy name I just have to like well enough. I will be finding out what I am having in November and will update you then! Sorry for the book, I just really care about this! Thank you so much!

and

We are having a girl! Now that we know we can get down to business, although as excited as I am to get to name a daughter, I also feared it! She is our first baby, we may have 2-3 kids, but we can find things in similar styles that we like for a sibset. We thought we were settled on a name (Audrey Claire) but found out a cousin of my husband’s who neither of us like just named her daughter that, which has soured us a bit. I think we were both looking for a reason out of the name too, if that makes sense – I didn’t love that people would confuse it with Aubrey, and that it didn’t have any nicknames, and the weight of the “OddR” sound, though I loved the style of the name.

Our current choice is Eliza Claire. A couple of questions about it – my middle name is Elizabeth, and my mother’s middle name is Claire, so is Eliza Claire family name overkill? I don’t want to seem narcissistic and name the baby after me, and while we considered Elizabeth for awhile, I think we’ve come down on the side that Elizabeth is too much mine and feels overused. On the other hand we like the spunk and freshness of Eliza, still feel connected to it, and feel as though it takes on a different style and personality than Elizabeth.

What I’d like to know is if you or your readers agree? One thing I still hear from people is that Eliza is not its own stand alone name, but a nickname for Elizabeth. Thoughts? Also, DH loves the nn Lizzie for when she is little and Liz or Liza Claire for later, do you think it will be difficult to get people to call her Lizzie when the vowel sounds are different from Eliza? Obviously, many Katherines go by Kate, but in this instance I wonder if its a bit weird. Last question, if I use all my favorite family girl names on this girl and have a future daughter, then what? Should I save one of the names just in case?

Our short list for girls is below, we will very likely choose something from this list if it is not Eliza or Audrey as we have been through every other name in the book a million times over, but feel free to suggest something else too. I have some odd restrictions in that I don’t like long A sounds as in Ava or Kaylee, names that start
with a short A as in Abigail, names that end in “elle” sounds as in Adele and names that end with a “ya” sound, as in Cecilia for purposes of going with our last name. You have my names we cannot use list from the previous email too.

Top tier

Eliza Claire
Sienna Claire
Annika _____ (I’m reading that there are pronunciation issues with this one, I would pronounce it Ahn-i-ka, accent on the first syllable. Is that how you would?)
Lilah Claire
Genevieve Claire (Eve or Evie, possibly Genna)
Claire Alexandria

Still being considered:
Audrey Claire
Eva Claire
Clara ____

If this baby had been a boy, we were considering Grant, Everett, Griffin (top choice) and Owen.

This may be a request for reassurance more than a question, but hopefully you and/or your readers can help me feel confident in a name!

Thanks for your help!

 
I am first going to do a sweep through this whole thing, giving my answers to questions and commenting on major issues; this will help sort them for other opinions in the comments section as well.

1. I don’t think Lilah seems too frilly to yell at a soccer game. I think one reason the name is getting so popular is that it seems right for many types of girls.

2. Yes, I’ve heard of people disliking certain sounds right across the board: short-A endings, K sounds, J sounds, B sounds, -den endings that are more like d’n, that sort of thing.

3. I think it’s a little annoying of our culture to consider it perfectly natural to name a child after the father but not after the mother. But when it’s the mother’s middle name, and especially a variation on the mother’s middle name, I think it’s nearly a non-issue: most people won’t even know.

4. Eliza is definitely a name in its own right.

5. I don’t think Eliza Claire is family-name overkill. I think it’s great.

6. A general warning about the middle name Claire is that it can change to “éclair” with some first names.

7. I don’t think of Liz as a nickname for Eliza: the changed vowel sound is also what makes me feel like Eliza is not a natural nickname for Elizabeth, so that shows you how much weight you should give the opinion (especially since I am fine with Kate for Katherine and Meg for Margaret, Because It’s Traditional). I’m sure you can use Liz or Lizzie if you want to; most people are not as conservative about nicknames as I am.

8. I definitely think of Eliza as a different style from Elizabeth, same as you do.

9. Saving names is a difficult issue. Because it’s a gamble, it has to be treated that way: weighing on one side how disappointed you’d be if you didn’t get a chance to use a favorite name, and on the other side how stressed you’d be to have used up the names and need to come up with a different plan. In this case, I’d be in favor of using both names, because you don’t want to miss the chance to honor your mother. I’d feel differently if you were cramming in a ton of honor names, but this sounds more like you happen to want to use a name similar to your own middle name, and then you want to honor your mother. Since you’re even a little uneasy about seeming as if you’re honoring yourself, it seems more like one honor name and one sweet connection name.

10. Yes, I pronounce Annika ON-nicka. I have heard from other people that that they’ve encountered Annikas who pronounced it ANN-nicka, so both pronunciations are in use.

I think Eliza Claire is the best option. It gives you what you want, and it sounds as if you like it best. It also gives you the most flexibility with future sibling names, since you’ve mentioned you like it with almost all the other options. Eliza You-dell is a great name, and it’s one I’d want for myself.

I also think you have a lot of other nice possibilities, if Eliza doesn’t sit right. You’ve been reading me long enough to have heard me preaching against the concept of The One Perfect Name, but I do like to feel a sort of CLICK as a name settles into place. You may find that several names click nicely, and this can make it harder to decide—but it also means you have a nice group of names that would ALL work well. And if you regret letting a certain name go, perhaps you will have a chance to use it on a future child.

It IS hard to choose a name: the “forsaking all others” aspect is daunting, and I think it’s inevitable that a baby name hobbyist will have some names she’ll always regret not having been able to use. I find it helps to realize that EVERY name means letting go of all the others: there will be some sadness with EVERY name, and the task is to find the one you’d be saddest not to use. You might also find it useful to revisit Choosing Between Two Finalists (which also works for more than two finalists).

Jacquelyn writes:

We need your help! Our second daughter, and most-likely last child, is set to arrive this March, and we are going in circles trying to name her. Our first daughter is Isla Juliet, last name sounds like Math-E. Although we didn’t foresee Isla becoming as popular as it has, we continue to adore it. It falls in the short and sweet category that we prefer, and feels feminine and spunky at the same time. We would like to give this baby a moniker with similar qualities, yet not projected to skyrocket the charts as her sister’s did. We are confident that the perfect name is waiting to be unearthed…and you can help us do that!

There are several names that have been on and off of our list, including Lucia, Eva, Cora, and my husband’s all time favorite, Alba. We may be willing to reconsider these, but for some reason or another, they just aren’t feeling “right.”

As it stands, two names – and two names only – continue to be in the running:

Thea
Eleanor

We like both names well enough, but have found problems with each. With Thea, we worry that that the repeating “thee” sound in our first and last names is too much. And while Eleanor is our top contender at this point, we only like the name as a whole. Is the ever-popular Ellie inevitable? Is Eleanor destined to be uber-popular? When it comes down to it, we feel that there could be a better choice out there that we just haven’t come across.

I should also mention that we have yet to choose a middle name, but will be keeping with family tradition and giving our daughter a “J” name like my husband and his brothers’, mine and my sisters’, and our daughter’s middle. So any suggestions there, while certainly not expected, would be of great help.

Thank you for taking the time to read our naming dilemma. We are grateful for your insight, and your opinions are highly valued and so very appreciated.

I do think Thea Math-ee is too much ee and th.

Eleanor is rising steadily. In the 1980s, it was in the 600s. In the 1990s, it was in the 500s and 400s. In the first decade, it was in the 300s and 200s. And in 2010, it was #165. It’s not racing up the charts, but it’s going at a nice brisk walk.

But I wouldn’t necessarily let popularity rule out the name. For one thing, it’s hard to know how many little Eleanors will be called Eleanor. Many parents are choosing it as a way to get the nickname Ellie, and others are choosing it as a way to get the nickname Nora (which I’d be recommending to you because of its similarity to Thea/Isla/Cora, except it’s rising even faster than Eleanor). I do think it’s easier now to prevent people from using nicknames you don’t want them to use—but of course she might get older and choose a nickname for herself.

I wonder if a name like Linnea would appeal? Linnea and Eleanor share similar sounds, but Linnea ends up with a lighter touch—more like Isla. Isla and Linnea.

Linnea makes me think of Fiona. Isla and Fiona.

Fiona reminds me of Bianca, a name that’s approximately the same popularity but falling instead of rising.

I see that one of my mom’s favorite names is in The Baby Name Wizard as a sister name for Isla: Esme.

I think Audra has some of the rich sounds of Thea and Eleanor. Isla and Audra.

Instead of Thea, would you like Bria or Cleo or Delia or Freya or Gia or Mira or Opal?

You’ve probably spent a good deal of time in the J names already, but a few of my favorites are:

Jane
Jean
Jillian
Jo
Jolie
Josephine
Joy
June
Junia
Juniper

M. writes:

I am hoping that you can help me with our baby girl name conundrum. My husband and I have two little girls and are due to expect our third (and final) child in January. Since all reports seem to show that this child is a girl, we are looking at the girl name list for a third time! Our other daughters are Natalie Sage and Noelle Juniper. While Natalie and Noelle both are Christmas names, we named them those names because we liked the sound of the names and not because they had to do with Christmas. We are not looking for another N name, nor are we particularly interested in continuing the Christmas trend, although it would have been Nicholas if the child was a boy. We also are fond of nature middle names since we love hiking and the great outdoors. Our last name is very similar to Wice (rhymes with mice). Our short list for first names includes Alaina (Lainey), Victoria (Tori), Amelia, Avery, and Rachel. Our short list for middle names includes Wren and Acacia. I am a little concerned about some of these names becoming too popular. I don’t mind a trendy name but don’t want my daughter being one of three with the same name in kindergarten! We are not necessarily locked into our short lists and are open to new ideas. What name do you think we should choose for our last little girl?

Popularity is such a tricky thing. Going by statistics alone (which is dicey, since the statistics are national and might not be played out in as small a sample as a classroom), Amelia is #41 and rising. Alaina is #207, but combining it with spellings Alayna, Elena, Elayna, Alena, and Elaina (most of which are rising, but not rapidly) brings it to #36—and adding in Lainey and Laney (which I wouldn’t normally recommend because it’s misleading, but just to give the idea for classroom-duplication-likelihood purposes) would bring it to #23. Victoria is #32 and gradually falling in popularity. Avery is #23 for girls and rising rapidly, but it’s also used for boys, which increases even further the likelihood of another Avery in a classroom. Rachel is least common at #100 and falling briskly—though my mother taught in Christian schools and it’s much more popular there, so it depends on your own circle. For comparison, Natalie is #14 and Noelle is #366.

With Natalie and Noelle, my favorite is Alaina (visually I think I like it even better as Elena, but that does make the nickname harder to spell; Elaina, maybe? but then the initials are EW, so never mind this whole parenthetical). But neither middle name seems quite right with it (I like it with Wren, but then Wren Wice seems choppy and difficult to say—although middle/last flow is not typically a big deal).

I think Ivy and Holly would both be sweet nature-theme middle names: not TOO Christmassy, more like “botanical names that just happen to be cool with the Christmas theme in case that appeals to anyone to keep that going.” Alaina Ivy Wice, or Alaina Holly Wice.

I also think the name Laurel works beautifully: Alaina Laurel Wice. Or Hazel: Alaina Hazel Wice. For something more whimsical, I have a soft spot for the name Clover: Alaina Clover Wice. For the sweet birdness of Wren without the choppiness with the surname, I like Starling: Alaina Starling Wice. (And the “star” part makes it just a little Christmassy. I know you said you’re not looking for that, but I’m finding it such an appealing theme!)

I thought I might look for a few more first name candidates, and I started by looking up Natalie in The Baby Name Wizard to see what categories she put it in—and she has Noelle for a suggested sister name! Since she seems to have your number, I wonder if you’d like any of the other suggested sister names: Gabrielle, Brooke, Jacqueline, Bethany. Or for Noelle: Simone, Lea, Eden, and Giselle. I like Bethany and Simone best. Bethany Acacia Wice; Natalie, Noelle, and Bethany. Simone Acacia Wice; Natalie, Noelle, and Simone.

I love Clara with the sister names and with your surname, and the very subtle Christmas tie-in (I can’t stop!) is that that’s the name of the little girl in The Nutcracker. Clara Starling Wice; Natalie, Noelle, and Clara.

Or Eva (slight Christmas Eve tie-in, if you want it). Eva Wice; Natalie, Noelle, and Eva.

If you decided to go with a third N name after all, I think both Naomi and Nora are wonderful. Naomi Wice; Natalie, Noelle, and Naomi. Nora Wice; Natalie, Noelle, and Nora.

Kristen writes:

I am pregnant with my second baby due in April, and not only are we having trouble choosing the name of this little angel, but it seems that our 1 1/2 year old daughter’s name is also again a subject of the name game… First of all, my name is Kristen and my husband’s name is Angelo- I’m surprised our names are not up to debate. Our last name sounds like Scorus, my husband comes from Greece. Our daughter’s name is Seraphina Madelyn Scorus – we just loved Seraphina and Madelyn was my Gramma’s middle name. We call her Phina most times. I also have a 16 year old stepson traditionally named after my husband and his father- Angelo Jorge. Anyway… we do not know the sex of this baby although if he is a little boy we have settled on Atticus Maximilian. All the aforementioned drama occurs around a little girl’s namesake.

We recently learned via a random, and very loud might I add, 2am phone call from Greece that my huband’s very lovely, and very traditionally Greek, mother has used the 1 1/2 years following Seraphina’s birth to stew on the fact that we did not name her Hericklia after her. Ok I went the unique, religious, traditional route with Seraphina and I am willing to push the name envelope, but I wouldn’t even be sure what font to choose for the name Haricklia on baby announcements. And if you’re wondering, yes we tried to satisfy this request with Lillian or Lili as a variation, even Harriet, but it’s a no-go on the moniker route. I really don’t think it’s even our middle name style unless Swistle creates a miracle here. Which is entirely possible I’ve read.

So here I am, listening to advice ranging from “follow tradition” to “it’s your baby, don’t listen to anyone else.” Whatever. Over it. My little girl can have two middle names and my mother (Ginger by the way, oh my goodness) at least understands my predicament and isn’t insisting on including her name. Either that or the love of her future granddaughter has caused her to understand the possible effects of the name Haricklia Ginger or, Ginger Haricklia for that matter, stamped on her report card. So all I can think of is adding a third name, but my first daughter has only two. And this only semi-solves one problem- we still can’t think of a female sibling name for Seraphina Madelyn, regardless! We’ve liked Scarlet (but Scarlet Scorus probably not), Charlotte (but we neither live in the city nor the web) and Genevieve (Umm it’s okay we guess and Ginger appeared on it’s nickname list- proof that I am not entirely an undutiful daughter). Oh, and the whole situation is compounded because due to medical complications, this baby blessing is most likely our last. Oh mighty Swistle, OH MIGHTY SWISTLE, help! Please? Or maybe I can just place an order for a little boy;)

Thank you very much!

If I’m following along correctly, the Greek tradition is to name the firstborn son after his father, and the firstborn daughter after the father’s mother? So the tradition was followed for your husband’s first child, but then was broken for his second. Is it possible that your mother-in-law isn’t even asking to have her name used for the possible second daughter, but is just letting you know she’s still mad about the first one?

It seems to me that if your mother-in-law is accepting no compromises on the name, it’s unlikely she’d be satisfied by a compromise of the entire tradition (by using the name on a secondborn daughter instead of the first). Nor does it sound as if she’d settle for the second middle name slot. I think at this point it is up to your husband to say to his mother that the first daughter has already been named without following traditions, and that it wouldn’t be right to give the firstborn daughter’s naming tradition to the secondborn daughter.

However: I am aware that it is one thing to talk about how other people should handle things in our imaginations (where every such confrontation leaves the problematic person speechless in the face of our logic and eloquence), and another thing entirely to implement such plans with real people in real families—especially if the people and families love each other and want to get along and want not to hurt each other’s feelings. It’s easy for me to say that both your mother-in-law’s name and her demands are unworkable; it’s another thing entirely for you to have to deal with the fallout while I sit over here and don’t have to take any phone calls about it. I do think firmness/resistance is justified here—but when dealing with someone who is already being unreasonable, I don’t think it will necessarily help, or work, or bring her to the point of seeing reason and understanding the decision. (Except in my imagination, where she is not only embarrassed about her demands, but also very sorry for waking up a pregnant woman.)

So. That brings us to what WILL work. WILL your mother-in-law accept her name being used as a second middle name, or will she interpret that as a slap? If she will accept it, I think that’s what you should do. It would bother me, too, that the sisters would have a different number of names, but it’s an easy thing to explain to them with an affectionate roll of the eyes. Your younger daughter can drop the name entirely later on in life, or perhaps she’ll like having her grandmother’s name and enjoy surprising people with it and then telling the story.

It would also bother me to be giving in to an unreasonable demand (I’m imagining if my late mother-in-law had been making baby-name demands, and I’m not sure that would have ended well for anyone)—but again, sometimes it’s the way these things go. A middle-name slot is probably worth it to avoid feuding and hard feelings. And I have some sympathy for her, if for example she winced while following these traditions with her own babies, and was thinking that the upside would be getting a dear granddaughter named after her. (DID she follow the traditions herself? If not, there’s your out! If so, it makes it harder.)

If only first-name status will please her, you’re stuck and you’ll have to make your decision: let your mother-in-law name your babies as well as her own using traditions that are hers but not yours, or prepare wearily to handle the consequences. It’s encouraging, though, that the consequence of not doing things her way with Seraphina’s name led only to one single 2:00 a.m. phone call a year and a half later.

I know you said your mother-in-law rejects Lillian and Harriet, but I wonder if everyone could come to an agreement on Ariclia. (I’m pronouncing it ah-RICK-lee-ah or air-RICK-lee-ah or air-reh-CLEE-ah in my mind, but perhaps all of these are too different from the pronunciation of Haricklia.) This removes the unfortunate “hair” issue of your mother-in-law’s name, while preserving much more of the essence of the name than Lillian/Harriet would. Ariclia seems exotic and usable to me (the names Erica and Leah make the sounds familiar), and a good sister name for Seraphina. I would suggest pitching it as “translating the name into English,” instead of as “removing the unfortunate/unusable parts.”

Another possibility is to see if she would be satisfied with ANYTHING ELSE. Would she accept a name with the same meaning as hers? Or her mother’s name? Is there a traditional nickname for her name that would be usable? Or could you use your husband’s grandmother’s middle name, to parallel the choice for your first daughter, and explain that THAT’S the naming tradition you’re using?

If the decision is made to use Haricklia as the second middle name, I like Felicity for the first name. I like Philomena even better, but I wonder if it’s too rhymey with Seraphina. Or Victoria? Seraphina and Victoria. Phina and Tori.

Ooo, or Anastasia! Seraphina and Anastasia! I love that so much.

Kalliopi is a Greek name that looks like a creative spelling but isn’t. I might use Calliope instead. Phina and Callie.

That makes me think of Penelope. Seraphina and Penelope. I love that too.

I know all these make for a very long name, but (1) my tastes run to long names for girls and (2) in this case, I’m inclined to think that when you’re stuck with two middle names and one is long, AND your first daughter has a long name, you might as well GO FOR IT, length-wise. Anastasia Charlotte Haricklia Scorus. Penelope Charlotte Haricklia Scorus. Genevieve Charlotte Haricklia Scorus. WORK that alphabet. Or, of course, use a shorter middle name for the first of the two: Anastasia Jane Haricklia Scorus, Penelope Kate Haricklia Scorus, etc.

Emily writes:

Help? We are due to have our third child in four weeks, our one and only daughter as we have two boys already. One would think I’d have a girl’s name left over from the first two rounds, but I feel like I may have outgrown our original girl’s name (Olive). My sons are called Henry and Casper, and I’m looking for something short and sweet but am struggling to find one name that speaks to me. Beyond short and sweet, we’d like to use my husband’s late mother’s name, Eliza, probably as a middle name but possibly as a first name to then use the middle name as what we call her (ex. Eliza Lake B____ton). I wouldn’t mind including my grandmother’s name, Lily, as well, but I’d like to maintain creative license on the name we actually call her. Is four names overkill?! And aside from that, just to make the job even harder the parameters get smaller as I’d like the name not to end in a “y” sound, like Henry, an “er” sound, like Casper, and I’d prefer it didn’t rhyme with our last name, which starts with a B and ends with “ton”. What on earth is left?!

Names I’ve been mulling over so far….to be used as a first or a middle name with Eliza (and possibly but not necessarily Lily Eliza)

Tate
Read (a family name)
Lake
Plum
Eve
Olive
Lou
Elery
Indigo (Indigo Lily Eliza B_____ton, call her Indi, such a mouthful?)

Please guide me, Your Excellency! I’m so thrilled to finally have my baby girl, I just wish I knew what to call her!

Many thanks

I think four names works fine. My own kids have four names each, and it’s been less of a hassle than I’d expected: even with five kids, I’ve only had to make two total corrections on forms. And it seems like a good solution here, where you have a lot of names you’d like to use. But I think ideally it works best to keep Name Irregularities at one per customer. So if you do give her four names, I suggest having the first name be the one you call her. Or if you do call her by her middle name, I suggest keeping her names down to three instead of “I go by the first of my two middle names.” (Again, this is just ideally: sometimes other considerations are more important, and worth it.)

I wouldn’t use Lily as the first name with the middle part of your surname [the surname is hidden for the post, but I can see it in the email]: it runs together rhymily for me with all the repeating sounds. I think it can work as a middle name, but I think it works better if separated from the surname by Eliza.

I’m also not sure if it will work well to use both Eliza and Lily, especially with the similar sounds of your surname, and especially if you also decide to use Olive: that’s four names in a row with LI. Might you have another child later to use Lily, or is it now or never? I seem to be repeating myself a lot in this post, but despite the little hesitations I keep mentioning, I want to re-re-emphasize that (1) some names are more important than the minor issue of repeating sounds and (2) it matters less when we’re talking about middle names. So ____ Lily Eliza B_____ton would be just fine, if this is the last child and it’s important to you to use Lily. Though I think then I’d go with a simple first name (especially with a long surname): more Eve than Indigo. Eve Lily Eliza B_____ton is one of my favorites of the possibilities.

I also suggest Rose. It’s common as a middle name, but unusual and fresh as a first name. It’s short and it’s sweet; it’s great with Henry and Casper and doesn’t repeat the endings; it’s simple and non-rhymey with the surname. Rose Eliza B______ton; Henry, Casper, and Rose. Downside: probably rules out the idea of also using Lily.

Another flower name that I think works well for you but again probably rules out Lily: Iris. Iris Eliza B______ton; Henry, Casper, and Iris.

Another of my favorite short-and-sweets is Cora. Cora Lily Eliza B____ton; Henry, Casper, and Cora.

And another is Jane. Familiar but still uncommon; similar in sound to Tate and Lake; short and sweet; no repeating endings or rhymes. Jane Lily Eliza B_____ton.

Or for something even more unusual: Lane, which brings it closer to Lake from your list. Lane Eliza B_____ton or Eliza Lane B______ton.

Or Grey. Eliza Grey B______ton; Henry, Casper, and Grey.

I wonder if you’d like Cleo? Cleo Eliza B____ton; Henry, Casper, and Cleo.

Or Sloane. Sloane Lily Eliza B______ton; Henry, Casper, and Sloane.

One of my mom’s favorite short/sweet/unusual names is Esme (EHZ-may). Esme Lily Eliza B____ton; Henry, Casper, and Esme. I like the way the sounds of Esme and Eliza go together, alternating with the way the sounds of Lily and B_____ton go together.

More ideas for Henry and Casper’s little sister?