Mackenzie writes:

Background on the family would include myself Mackenzie Ruth and my husband Jackson Elliot “Jack”. Our last name sounds like Cunningham and this baby girl, our third child together, is due on April 23rd, 2012. We have two older children Jackson Brooks IV “Brooks” and Emery Taylor “Emery”. Long story short, my son goes by his middle name as he is the fourth, his first name was not my first choice, but it is the “Cunningham” family tradition to name the first son Jackson, and Brooks is a more appealing, unique choice of a name. Everyone in our family calls him Brooks, he introduces himself as Brooks to new people and although he knows his name is Jackson, he prefers to be called Brooks and will correct people if they use the wrong name with him.

Then we have our sweet baby girl Emery Taylor. I wanted her to be named Emerson Taylor after my maiden name (Emerson) and a friend who passed away in high school (Taylor). But, there was another “Cunningham” tradition that was in the way. The middle name Marie is typically used for women on that side of the family, but I was very adamant on my name choice. We compromised and gave her the name Emery because it sounds like it incorporates Marie (although my husband did lobby for Emarie/Emerie but I just couldn’t do it).

Now we get on the subject (finally!) of baby girl #2. My husband now insists on using the middle name Marie (as we did not use it with Emery), but it doesn’t feel right to me. We named our son after the Cunningham side of the family and Emery is partially named for the Cunningham’s, although her middle name represents a childhood friend of mine. I feel it is time to honor my part of the family. Possible name that could be used as either a first or middle name would be:
Lillian, Catherine, Ruth, Elizabeth, Caroline, Hadley, Shea, or Addison

Names that we have also looked at have been:
Kennedy, Reagan, Leighton, and Kinley

The pressure has also been put onto us by both sides of the family. My parents are arguing that they is no namesakes after them (William Hayes and Lillian Elizabeth), while my husband’s family is arguing the debate of Marie as a middle name.

Please help us Swistle as it seems you can be the only person of reason in the situation. Please!

My first impulse is to go back in time and pressure the two of you to use Emerson instead of Emery: not only is “mother’s maiden name as child’s first name” one of my favorite family name ideas, but it’s a beautiful balance for the “named for his father” naming tradition of your first child.

If altering the name Emerson to incorporate Marie WASN’T enough to satisfy the tradition, then the name Emerson should have been left alone (otherwise the sacrifice was too great to justify the change); because of this, I decree conclude that that Marie tradition HAS been satisfied. Perhaps this will make more sense to your husband’s family if it is suggested to them that changing your family name from Emerson to Emery was like changing their family name from Jackson to Jacoby. You gave up a great deal for the sake of their tradition—and two must-use (as opposed to fun and optional) traditions from one family is unreasonable to begin with.

Meanwhile, it sounds as if both sides of the family are being pushy and disagreeable. No one may demand a namesake be used, or complain if it isn’t. Namesakes are honors not be expected, but rather to be received with happy, teary-eyed surprise. Both sets of your parents made their own baby-naming decisions for their own babies, and now the decisions are up to you and your husband. You may even need to point this out in a polite and loving way. (It will help even more if your parents didn’t use family names for you and your siblings, or if your husband’s parents felt at all burdened by their own need to follow traditions.)

Now that we have dealt with the grandparents, we need to deal with your husband. The children in this family all carry his family surname, is that right? First and middle names are not also to be chosen based solely on his and his family’s preferences; if anything, the fact that his family is honored in every child’s name already should tip the use of other honor names toward your side of the family, so that each full name represents both sides. The names are to be decided by the two of you together; there is no room here for insisting, or for acting as if traditions are requirements that trump the other parent’s naming rights. He was very fortunate to marry a woman who was willing to let her son be named by tradition; insisting also now on a “typically used” middle name tradition is pushing it.

(Not that these paragraphs of should-ing and shouldn’t-ing will do you much good if the other people involved disagree. But sometimes it is heartening to have others on your side, even if it makes no difference to the reality of the situation.)

With the name Emery, my favorite names from your family list are Hadley, Shea, and Addison. And although I feel outraged on your behalf and it makes me feel stubborn and resistant to this idea, I reluctantly mention that Hadley Marie would be pretty cute, and would be a nice way to give each daughter a name that’s a mix of mother’s and father’s sides.

But I prefer Hadley Elizabeth. Or Addison Hayes would be nice with Emery Taylor. I’m finding Shea harder to work with, and Shea Cunningham sounds a little like Chez Cunningham, so maybe I’d put Shea in the middle name slot instead: Hadley Shea, Addison Shea.

I especially like the idea of using your middle name Ruth, to give each daughter a tie to your name as your son’s name ties to his father’s. Hadley Ruth, Addison Ruth.

The names on your joint list (Kennedy, Reagan, Leighton, Kinley) are all great with Emery, but they don’t seem as good with Cunningham. Maybe Landry would work. Landry Cunningham; Emery and Landry. Because it’s a unisex name, I’d go definite-feminine for the middle name: Landry Ruth, Landry Elizabeth, Landry Catherine.

Or to get rid of the unisex aspect, Laney would work well. Laney Cunningham; Emery and Laney. Laney Shea is fun to say, or Laney Ruth, or Laney Elizabeth.

Or Shelby. Shelby Ruth Cunningham, Shelby Elizabeth Cunningham.

Lila isn’t exactly Lillian, but might please your mother anyway. Lila Cunningham; Emery and Lila.

Or hey, would you want to do another combined name like Emery? Lilabeth would reflect both of your mom’s names, and then if you did Marie in the middle maybe everyone would be happy. Lilabeth Marie Cunningham; Emery and Lilabeth.

Katherine writes:

Like many parents, I never thought I would be so stuck. We are expecting our third and final girl on April 1st 2012. (wouldn’t that be a fun birthday?) My two older children were both named months before the first ultrasound and here’s the thing: I LOVE their names. Caroline and Naomi. Aren’t they perfect? (Their middle names are family names, Mary and Julia. Our last name is Butler. This baby will have the middle name of Susan. I don’t care one bit about middle name flow) I love saying their names out loud and I even love hearing them on other people. Although I might be a little sad if they skyrocketed to the top ten, I have never once doubted their names. As soon as I considered their names, I knew them to be right. (And thankfully my husband agreed) Now I need a third perfect name. There’s a little bit of awkwardness I think bc I feel like some people assume that this pregnancy was an accident (it definitely was not) or that we were “trying for a boy” (insanely ridiculous, I can’t believe people even ask that) But I really don’t want this little girl to feel like an afterthought, especially bc she’s been part of my plan for over ten years! Right now it feels like we haven’t done much to prepare for her.

Here’s our list of names we like but aren’t quite right:
Eliza
Margot (Husband not a fan of how “French” it sounds)
Josephine (Not sure about nickname options)
Louise (this would be at the top of the list except its a family name that would be really awkward to use)
Lucia/Lucy (Its very popular here, also I ruined it for myself by seeing it on top name lists for dogs and cats)
Sophie (It is crazy popular here. With a fairly common last name, I am especially concerned about using a top ten name)
June

What’s still in the running?
Opal

One name doesn’t really make a list. Especially bc I just don’t think that’s her name. I’m not sure if this is immediately obvious, but I like names with like vowels sounds. Clearly my Baby Name Wizard style is Timeless with a touch of Charms and Graces. I have read the book cover to cover, hoping that I’ve overlooked something.

I read with much interest your column about preferences vs requirements and I’ve decided I have very few requirements which is not making things any easier. I want a name that fits in with our girls so that they sound like a sibling group of 3, not two plus one. Does that make sense? Every name we try sounds just not quite right and I don’t want to settle.

I’d prefer a name that does not start with C or N. (and perhaps K or B. Our names are Katherine and Ben)
I’d prefer a name with no automatic nickname. I know kids today are more likely to go by long versions of names, but I really don’t want to fight that fight with my extended family.
I’d prefer names that do not evoke a specific culture too strongly.
I like girl names to have no more than three syllables. I don’t like two syllable names ending in the “ee” sound.(bell tone names generally sound dated to me)

Swistle can you please help? Do I need to let go of having that “aha” moment that I had with my first two daughters? In all fairness, I’m generally not an “aha” type of person when it comes to making big decisions.

 
With a non-negotiable time-limit such as birth, it is definitely possible to cruise all the way there with no lightning bolt of “YES. THAT IS THE NAME.” Among my own children, there are two lightning bolt names, one gradual-warming name, one “this was the only name we agreed on” name, and one “chosen almost disappointingly easily/early” name. It does seem particularly disappointing to have two lightning bolts and then one of the other sort, though, so I’m eager for you to find another bolt. I will feel a little silly mentioning name after name you’ve certainly encountered many times in your perusals—but on the other hand, both of my own kids’ lightning-bolt names hit me out of the blue even though I’d seen them hundreds of times in baby name books.

Margaret is probably out because of the endless nickname options, but I think of it because of Josephine (Little Women) and also because it’s like Margot with the French removed. Margaret Butler; Caroline, Naomi, and Margaret.

Greta removes the nickname problem. Greta Butler; Caroline, Naomi, and Greta.

Another possibility is Miriam. It’s a sweet and underused name; it gives you a new initial; and I like the way the sounds of adjoining names connect (-ne of Caroline to the N- of Naomi; -mi of Naomi to the Mi- of Miriam). Downside: maybe too well-matched with Naomi in both sound and style, possibly leaving Caroline out. Miriam Butler; Caroline, Naomi, and Miriam.

Meredith is more balanced between the two styles, perhaps. I love the sound of Meredith Butler. I would want that name myself. Caroline, Naomi, and Meredith.

Sophie and Josephine make me think of Fiona, because of the distinctive shared “fee” sound. Fiona Butler; Caroline, Naomi, and Fiona.

The name Elsa recently caught my attention when a friend’s niece was given the name. Elsa Butler; Caroline, Naomi, and Elsa.

The name Simone might be too French, but I mention it anyway for how well I think the sounds of the three names tie together. Simone Butler; Caroline, Naomi, and Simone.

Harriet is a name I remember startling me back in the early 1990s when someone I knew used it for their baby. Now it seems like a very sassy and likely option. Harriet Butler; Caroline, Naomi, and Harriet.

If Eliza isn’t quite right and Louise would be the top choice except for an awkward association, would Eloise work or would it be too close to the awkwardness? It’s one of my own favorites, and I think it’s great with the surname and with the siblings. Eloise Butler; Caroline, Naomi, and Eloise.

K. writes:

We are due with our third child in May.
Currently we have a 4 year old daughter, Mackenzie and a 2 year old son, Jake.
If this baby is a boy, we have finally narrowed down boy names to either Callen or Calvin.
I thought I was set with Liam (although DH was not a big fan), but our last name starts with an M and sounds like Marcin. I kept saying Liam Marcin over and over, it began to sound like Lia Marcin, and that just ruined it for me!
DH is super picky with names. But one we could agree on is Calvin.
My maiden name began with Cal, so it would mean something to me to use a boy name starting with Cal :)
I am just not big on the VIN ending… I’ve had a poor association with a Vinny I knew.
I stumbled upon Callen, pronounced like Allen with a C (Cal-len). I really like this name, and it is a name of a character from TV show, NCIS Los Angeles, which DH is a huge fan of.
I began googling the name more and most sites are showing it as a Gaelic girl name, but pronounced like Caylin. I’m wondering if I name my son this, would it get mispronounced all the time?
I saw Callum, but I don’t like the M ending with my last name, it just disappears.
I’ve thought about Caleb, but I am not liking the -LEB ending, I don’t know why. Just isn’t sitting well with me.
I’ve tried looking up other names starting with Cal, but not really liking any.
Can you think of any others I may be missing? Do you think Callen is ok as a boy name and would most people understand how to pronounce it? I could go with Calvin, DH does like it better than Callen, but I feel we need to compromise and Callen would be the way to go.

Thanks!

 
There is a girl named Callin in my son’s preschool class, and it strikes me as an almost perfect unisex name: similar to Calla and Kaylin (and with the very feminine nickname Callie), and also to Callum and Calvin and Alan (and with the masculine nickname Cal). It can be made more feminine with spellings such as Callyn, but Callan and Callen can go either way. The Baby Name Wizard has it listed as a boy’s Celtic name spelled Callan, and her site Namipedia shows it pronounced as you mention, like Alan with a C. Think Baby Names lists the pronunciation the same way, as does Baby Names World.

For now the name is used mostly for boys: in 2010, there were 676 boys named Callen/Callan/Calen/Calan/Calin/Callin, and 101 girls named Callan/Calyn/Calynn/Callen/Callyn/Calin. Many of the girl names could be spellings of Kaylin rather than of Callan, which would make Callan even more weighted toward the boys. Spelling it with a double L should keep the A short.

It’s possible that even if you spell it with two L’s, people will occasionally pronounce it like Kaylin. But my much more common name Kristen, which ends in the familiar -ten just like the number ten, is often pronounced Kristine—or pronounced Kiersten or Kirsten, even though it’s spelled with a Kri-. I do think it’s wise to avoid pronunciation issues when possible (that is, I wouldn’t suggest spelling it Calin), but I think if you’ve spelled it traditionally and phonetically, you’ll be as much in the clear as any of us. And the name Callan has something very important for a name that might have pronunciation issues: an easy way to explain it. “It’s like Alan, with a C.”

A few more Cal- options you’ve probably already discovered:

Calder
Cale
Calix
Callahan
Callaway

Callahan has most of the sounds of Callan, but I think adding the extra syllable makes the pronunciation way clearer, and also increases the boyishness. I particularly like the way Callahan’s surnamey sound goes with Mackenzie, while the nickname Cal goes well with Jake.

If the Cal doesn’t need to be in the beginning of the name, there’s also Pascal—but that seems like a style mismatch with the sibling names.

Edited to add! K. writes:

Thank you so much for your thoughts on this!
After reading everyone’s comments, someone asked why I couldn’t just use my maiden name. So, it got me thinking….
My maiden name is Calabrese. And I just kept thinking how Caleb would really be the closest name possible. The more I thought about it, the more it grew on me.
Then, I thought about using Reese as the middle name. Calabrese = Caleb Reese.
(also considering using the spelling of Rhys, but not sure yet).

My only dilemma is really considering the middle name.
My daughters middle name is Helen, after my grandmother and my sons middle name is William, after Daddy.

My other middle name option is to use Gage. It is my MILs maiden name and SILs middle name.
DH prefers this way, he thinks that Gage has more meaning than Reese, but he understands what I am trying to do and said I can do as I please.

I could also use Peter, after my Father.

I am so torn! Do I break up my maiden name into two names or give him half my maiden name with another maiden name?

Thank you all so much!!

Natalie writes:

My husband, Micah, and I are expecting our first baby in April. Our last name is Kemp. We can’t seem to land on a great first name. We’d like to stay away from any of the rhymes with -ayden names that are so popular. We like more traditional names. I work in a school setting which makes naming even more difficult. Many names have a negative connotation for me! I’d like to stay away from a name with a /h/ because we have many cousins in the family with H names (Harper, Hudson, Hunter…)

We have some nominations for the middle name, but nothing is set in stone. Here are some of our top picks for middle names:
-Oliver (Micah likes, I feel like its more fitting for a puppy)
-Sullivan
-Dean
-Jack (Micah doesn’t like because there is a politician named Jack Kemp)
-Noah (Micah doesn’t like)
-Henry

I can’t decide about naming him something with a /k/ sound. If we end up thinking that /k/ sound is okay here’s some contenders:
-Connor
-Carson (my mother’s favorite!)
-Collin

Also we are Aggies, and would like to incorporate A&M into the name. We are one of the last ones in our group to have a child so that leaves not too many choices. Sullivan does have an Aggie connotation. Our friends have already used Reed and Kyle.

Thanks for your help!

There! I just spent a good long time learning about Texas A&M and getting kind of choked up about the 12th Man and the official school yells and the Century Tree and the Aggie Muster and addressing the mascot dog as “Miss Reveille, ma’am.” Where were we? Oh, yes, naming a baby.

I think your middle-name idea of Sullivan would be a great choice for the first name (after former A&M president Lawrence Sullivan Ross, for those of you who haven’t clicked the links and are getting more and more lost), and I also think Ross would be a good one. Or Lawrence, especially as a middle name. Sullivan Dean Kemp, or Sullivan Ross Kemp for a much stronger tie-in. But maybe that’s overkill, especially if that name might be awkward if he attends there himself one day.

James Earl Rudder (the A&M president who made Texas A&M co-ed AND desegregated it) would be a good namesake as well. James is not as distinctive a reference as Lawrence or Sullivan or Ross, but is worth keeping in mind to perhaps pair with one of the more distinctive names. Sullivan James Kemp, maybe, or James Sullivan Kemp.

Or E. C. Jonas designed the school ring, and the ring sounds like it’s a pretty big deal. Jonas Kemp.

Or while I’m still a little teary-eyed about the 12th Man story, Gill might make a very nice middle name. Jonas Gill Kemp.

Another possibility is to use first and middle initials “A.M.” August Micah. Austin Micah to Texas it up a notch. [Edited to add: the comments section is pointing out that Austin is a rival of Texas A&M, so never mind.] Andrew Micah. Arlo Micah. Anderson Micah. Archer Micah. Asher Micah. Aaron Micah.

If you’re not sure about using a name with a hard-C/K sound in the first name slot, it might be a good middle-name option. Dean Carson Kemp. Henry Carson Kemp. Sullivan Connor Kemp.

If you like the sound of Carson but decide against the hard-C, I wonder if you’d like names such as Lawson and Mason and Wilson. Wilson Dean Kemp, Wilson Jonas Kemp, Wilson Ross Kemp.

I’ve been very keen on the name George recently. Geordie is a cute nickname. George Kemp, Geordie Kemp. Maybe George Sullivan Kemp.

Or Charles is nice. Charles Kemp, Charlie Kemp. Charles Sullivan Kemp.

Jessie writes:

I am 25 weeks pregnant with my 5th child and I am runnin out of name options -especially bc it’s my 4th girl!!

My kids names are:
Hyte James (boy)
Hayes Veronica (girl)
Gray Lucille (girl)
Lula Jewel (girl)

We have tried to use family names on the first or middle name of all of our kids, but it doesn’t have to be the first name.

Our last name starts with an m and ends with -en sound. 2 syllables .

Here are some of the options we have discussed
Betty opal (number 1 on my list, but I can’t commit for some reason)
Floy Rebecca (husband hates)
June (I like the old feeling and she’s due in June)

Other family names include:
Alma
Ida
Iva
Gertrude
Mildred
Elizabeth
Vernabelle
Eva
Alice
Betty and floy are also family names.
So… As you can see our options are kinda limited!

I don’t like trendy names or names that end with -en. I want it to be feminine, but not overused!!

Can you help me?!? Thanks!!

The challenge here is that the girl names in the sibling group made a sudden swerve after the first two. In 2010, the name Hayes was used rarely, and almost exclusively for boys (214 boys, 15 girls). Gray is harder to track, because many children were named Grayson/Graydon/etc. and perhaps add to the number actually called Gray; in 2010 there were 202 boys and 50 girls named Gray/Grey—more unisex than Hayes, but still used much more often for boys. But Lula, while unusual like the others (67 girls in 2010) is very feminine, and exclusively a girl name in the U.S.

The first step, I think, is to determine whether you’d like to veer back toward your original plan of unisex/boy names for girls, or if you want to keep Lula from feeling like the exception.

Possible names to fit more with Hayes and Gray:

Blake
Brett
Bryce
Cael
Case
Drew
Ellis
Flynn
Lennox
Lowell
Teague
Winslow

But I think my inclination would be to keep Lulu from feeling like the odd one out. Betty seems like a good choice for this: Lula and Betty sound like a good pair, as do Hayes and Gray. Alma, Ida, Iva, Opal, and Mildred also seem like good fits with Lula.

I love the name June, but I think it’s too familiar and common (and its popularity is rising) to go with the rest of the sibling group. It works beautifully as a middle name, however: Alma June, Ida June, Iva June, Betty June.

Michelle writes:

I am coming to you as a last resort! Our last name is Christiansen, common but also a mouthful. Our first child is a girl named Callie Lyn and our second child is a boy named Kevin Grant. Both names came at the last minute and just in time to leave the hospital. My husband has strong negitive reactions to most trendy names especially those that end in “en” sounds like Hayden, Brayden etc. I don’t like having names that all start with the same letter or sound. Our first child was a compromise, my husband wanted Sally and I wanted Deliah(great grandmother). Callie was my solution to a modern sounding Sally. When I was pregnant with our second child the rule was no names starting with a “C” sound or ending with an “en” sound. My husband wanted Colt and I wanted Decker or Dean (both of which my husband didn’t love). However, when our son came we both knew we had to name him after my BIL who matched his kind and gentle spirit regardless of the rules. Now we have 2 kids with hard K sounds and a last name starting with a C. Everyone is asking me if we will keep the trend going even though it was never on purpose.

So now we are expecting another boy this May and we can not agree on any names again. I know we will have atleast one more child and if this were a girl my husband and I actually would agree to name her Wesley. I know this is traditionally a masculine name but we met a female Wesley and fell in love. We also like the name Evelyn, Scarlett and Gia.

My husband would like to name our next boy Roscoe, which I like but dont feel like it is right. I absolutely love the name Royce but my husband hates it. The only other names I feel ok with are “C” names! I dont know what’s wrong with me since I don’t want to be that cutsey family! So far my top contenders are Royce, Cooper and Colt. My husband can only come up with Roscoe. We like names that are older but not “dusty”. We could probably do an “Oliver” type name but I could not do a “Edward” or “Warren”

I really don’t want to sweat about the name for 3 more months and stress about it in the hospital again. If you could help in anyway you would be saving me a whole lot of heart burn:)

Some names that we can’t use because of family are Max, Sam, Mark, Hudson, Jake, Martin, Brett, Luke

Thank you

I think it’s the third child who sets a pattern that’s too hard to break. If you have several non-hard-C/K names in mind for future children, I’d warn that using a hard-C/K name for this child will make the pressure intense to do the same for the next—much more intense than it is this time around.

Roscoe and Royce make me think of:

Bryce
Oscar
Pascal
Rhys
Ross
Russell
Schuyler
Scott
Troy
Tyce

My favorites with your surname are Rhys and Scott. My favorites with the sibling names are Russell and Scott. So that makes my top suggestion Scott: Scott Christianson; Callie, Kevin, and Scott.

Would you consider naming your son Wesley? I know you had it picked out for a girl, but I love it for a boy and I think Wes is one of the best nicknames ever. I also think that in this sibling group, Wesley fits better as a boy name than as a girl name. And it would break your C/K streak, and also make sure you get to use it.

Name update! Michelle writes:

Thanks again for everyone’s help. We had our baby boy on May 21 and we named him Duke Michael. We are glad he is here and even happier that he finally has a name.

A. writes:

My husband and I are having a boy this year and are having trouble coming up with a name that will fit. My husband is Vietnamese/Chinese, adopted by a white family, last name rhymes with Quaker. I am Scottish, Irish and Scandinavian. We want our son to have a name that reflects both sides of his heritage and is unique, without putting him in a box. We want to use the middle name Lee or Li, but haven’t been able to find a first name that speaks to both of us. We have already looked at numerous baby name books and what seems like hundreds of websites, and we keep finding the same European names, and a relatively small number of Chinese and Vietnamese names, most of which, while we think they are beautiful names to use if you speak the language, we don’t think would translate well in public school in the US – we don’t want the Sixteen Candles Long Duc Dong syndrome. Any ideas about finding or inventing cross-cultural names?

I wonder if it would work to find a Scottish/Irish/Scandinavian name that by coincidence includes a Vietnamese/Chinese name? For example, Declan is Irish, but the first two letters are the Chinese/Vietnamese name De, which The Best Baby Names in the World From Around the World says means virtue in China, and Baby Names World says means royalty in Vietnam. Or Camden is Celtic, but contains the Vietnamese name Cam (as well as the De already mentioned), which Baby Names World says means orange in Vietnam. But…finding even just two names that worked that way took a lot of flipping back and forth between the sections of the book, and it’s a bit of a reach: I don’t think anyone looking at it would think of it as reflecting both sides of his heritage.

Or you could flat-out invent a name, by using a Chinese or Vietnamese name with a typical name-segment from Irish/Scottish/Scandinavian names. But again, I’m not sure anyone would look at such a name and realize it reflected two heritages.

Another option would be to give him a double first name, hyphenated or not. Li Declan, for example, certainly reflects both sides at once, as would Camden Hao or Erik-Ji.

Or you could choose one heritage for the first name and another for the middle name, and swap that order for the next child.

Or you might conclude that although you’d like his name to reflect both sides of his heritage, that might not work with the style of names you like. In which case there are fortunately many other ways to include both heritages in his life, and perhaps the new goal could be to choose a name that reflects neither heritage specifically.

I’m going to turn this over to the commenters to see if they have any other ideas or advice for representing both sides of the family tree in a name.

S. writes:

I am due on March 24, so I have less than 10 weeks left. We currently have a two year old named Carson Michael. We are having another boy. Last name is Smith. I cannot for the life of me choose a name for this baby. I want a family name somewhere in the name, so Jackson, Jordan, Owen, and Britt are possibilities.

Now to talk about what we have considered. Actually at this point I don’t think there is a name that I haven’t considered.

My favorite names are Jackson, Hudson, and Silas. Jackson and Hudson don’t work because they end in -son like my first son’s name. Silas ends how my last name begins, and is too hissy sounding with all the s’s.

My husbands favorite name is Levi. It just doesn’t click with me. It feels very religious to me.

We have seriously considered a number of names in addition to the ones above, but I find something wrong with each. Here goes:

Jordan- worried about the unisex aspect, too many girls using it now?
Brady- my family names don’t go with it for the middle (I refuse to give him the initials BJ)
Owen-too old sounding it was a great grandparents name, so I picture a 95 year old
Brody-same issue as Brady
Trevor-people say it sound “snobby” and pretentious
Noah- No, Noah sounds like a stutter and we are afraid our two year old will be confused with all the “No” sounds
Parker-i never liked it until recently, but I think the strong R sounds makes it hard to say especially with Carson

Husband had vetoed:
Ryan
Kyle
Connor
Tanner
Grant

Please tell me you will help!!!! I honestly have been crying for the last two days every time I try to settle on something. I hate this! I find something wrong with every name. I feel alot of pressure especially since my first son was born a month early! I may not have much time left!!

I don’t think the “No” sound in Noah is going to be confusing to your older child, any more than it will confuse your second child that his older brother’s name has the words “car” and “son” in it. If it really did turn out to be an issue, it wouldn’t be an issue for very long. And if I think back to the Noah I had in my daycare class, I don’t remember the no-no issue being a problem at all: the pause for the comma, and the W-sound in the middle of Noah, keep it from sounding stuttery. Perhaps some parents of Noahs can weigh in on whether this has been a problem for them.

A name with some similar sounds (but no “no”) is Rohan. Rohan Smith; Carson and Rohan.

I might in general prefer to avoid having two sibling names ending with -son, but there’s no rule against it. If you and your husband can agree on the name Jackson or Hudson, and you both love the name, there is nothing wrong with naming two brothers Carson and Jackson, or Carson and Hudson.

I can see how having an elderly relative named Owen would affect the sound of the name for you. Does it help at all that it’s in the top 50 for boys right now? As with many names, it has cycled around again: names first sound too elderly to use, then sound vintage and appealing, then sound totally current. Owen is already sounding current, with only a hint of vintage remaining. It fits in beautifully with other revived no-longer-elderly-sounding names such as Ava, Henry, and Emma.

I like the sound of Carson and Parker together. I think the R sound ties them together. Maybe it ties them together a little too well, since it’s more of a matching ar-sound than just an r-sound. Maybe Porter would be better? Porter Smith; Carson and Porter.

Jordan is one of the few truly unisex names. Even though it’s used for many baby girls, it hasn’t dropped at all out of the running for boys—especially since many girls use feminized spellings such as Jordyn and Jordynn.

Another good unisex name is Riley. It has the il-sound from Silas, but without the s-ending problem. Riley Smith; Carson and Riley.

If you like Silas but the ending S is a problem, do you like Simon instead?

If not Levi, would you prefer Leo?

If Trevor isn’t quite right, would Truman do? Or Everett? Or Evan?

If you like Brady but the initials are a problem, do you like Grady instead? Grady Owen Smith; Carson and Grady.

Monica writes:

I am due with our second child at the beginning of February. We do not know what we are having, and cannot come up with a boy’s name. We have a 2 yr old daughter named Bianca Jolien. We call her ‘B’ or Bia. If the baby is a girl, she will be Daphne (unsure of middle name). We could easily agree on a girl’s name; however, we are having difficulty coming up with a boy’s name. It may be because I have too many ‘rules’. I don’t want the name to start with a ‘M’ as my husband is Martin and I am Monica, I want the name to be more than one syllable as our last name is one syllable (sounds like ‘Spam’), and I don’t want a trendy or overly common name, but also not a name that is too unheard of. Every name I come up with, my husband says it in Dutch, and it does not work. Having said that, I don’t want an exclusively Dutch name (like Jaap or Cees)! Like I said, I have lots of ‘rules’!

A commonly used boy’s name in Holland right now is Lucas, which I like, and especially like the nn Luke. I’m not sure though because it ends with ‘S’ and our last name starts with ‘S’. What are your thoughts? Yes, generally we will use Luke, but officially it will be Lucas ‘Spam’. I’m afraid it sounds too much like Luca ‘Spam’ when spoken. I don’t want to simply name him Luke as I’d like him to have the option of using Lucas when he is older.

Names we have considered, but aren’t convinced:

Kiefer – Husband likes, I used to like it too, but now feel it is too ‘different’.

Willem – Dutch form of William. I like the nn Will, but worry about how common this will be, and really dislike the nn Willy.

Wilco – same as above, it is a commonly used name in Holland, but worry it is too different.

Graydon – like the nn Grady, not crazy about Graydon

Henry – don’t like the nn Hank, and hubby isn’t crazy about the name

Callum

Griffin – love the nn Finn, but a friend recently named her son Griffin

We are planning on having only 2 children, so as of now, it’ll be Bianca and Daphne or Bianca and Baby Boy…HELP!

I think Willem is a wonderful choice, and I think you can avoid Willy unless he himself chooses it, which seems unlikely. The main downside of the name, I think, is that the popularity of the name William could create constant misunderstandings and misspellings as people assume you’ve said/written William.

I agree with you about names running into each other. I think if I loved a name above all others and with the passion of at least one or two suns, I would use it anyway, and then I would practice saying the name distinctly, with a pause: “Lucas. Spam.” Or, as I imagine going up to the reception desk at school or at the doctor’s office, I might say, “This is Lucas. Lucus Spam.” Yes, I think that would work fine. But the issue would knock the name lower on my list.

The name Wilco has seized my imagination. It seems just wonderful. It has the easy nickname Will, but without Willem’s problem with being confused with William. It’s distinctive and Dutch and easy to explain to anyone whose eyebrows go up (“My husband is Dutch; it’s a common Dutch name”), and especially with that -o ending I think it has huge potential for crossover to U.S. usage. My guess is that the only reason it HASN’T crossed over is that people haven’t heard of it. Or possibly because the -co ending might sound a little corporate? But that’s not what comes to mind with Marco or Nico or Rocco. In your particular family, I wonder if it’s too many C+vowel endings: Monica, Bianca, and Wilco.

If you like Finn but can’t use Griffin, there’s also Finnegan, Phineas, Fintan, or straight Finn.

If you like Grady, I’d go directly to that: it’s a stand-alone name, and I think Graydon sounds like a Braden-offshoot name invented to give Grady a more formal version.

I don’t like the matching M-endings of Callum Spam. I wonder if you’d like Calvin? Calvin Spam; Bianca and Calvin; Bia and Cal.

I love Kiefer best. It’s energetic and unusual, but familiar and completely fits in with the current fashion for surname names, as well as fitting beautifully with Bianca. Kiefer Spam. Bianca and Kiefer. I love that so much, it’s tempting to pressure you.

Teresa writes:

Hello there Swistle! I’ve been reading your blog (semi-obsessively) for some time now and have often thought of writing, but always talked myself out of it (because I know you guys get so much mail). Now, however, I’m reaching a desperate point. I am pregnant with #2, a little boy, due May 22. My husband is deploying and will be leaving in March, and since he’ll miss the birth, the 2 baby-related bonding-type things I had hoped we’d be able to do together was the ultrasound and agreeing on a name. The ultrasound is done, but now we are stuck. We are in completely different galaxies when it comes to boy names.

Our daughter is named Charlotte Grace (which wasn’t as popular when we chose it as it is now). Our last name is Thompson. My favorite names so far are Oliver, Atticus, and Abraham (Abraham is my favorite by far). My husband can’t tolerate any of those. He prefers names like Timothy and Andrew, which are great names, just not for this baby. The one name that we theoretically *could* compromise and agree on is Calvin, but I’m not totally sold on it. If we have more children and didn’t start their name with a C name, would they feel left out? (I feel like this may be less of a concern because Charlotte doesn’t have a hard “c” sound, but am still not totally sure.) I do not want a first name that begins with T. My initials have always been TT, and I think it is too much of a strong T-sound.

We go to a fairly small, very close-knit church with an abundance of baby boys, so there are QUITE a few names that are out (and these are only the names that would be in the same class as this baby). Names that are out: Judah, Christian, Elijah, Levi, Luke, Seth, Sebastian, Liam, Ethan, Griffin/Finn.

We both liked Tobias at first, until we started test-driving it (and then we both liked it a lot less). And related Elias is out because of a horrible person one of us knew. Jeremiah could be a candidate, but it’s a name that I only like and do not love. If this baby was a girl, she would have been named Opal Elizabeth, which is a name that I really DO love, so now I’m just having a hard time settling for a boy name that I can only tolerate. Does that make any sense? I would prefer a less common name – I am not against popular names just for the sake of being different, but so our kid wouldn’t always have to be identified by their first name and last initial. I theoretically love Puritan/Colonial names, but looking through list after list of those types of names, I have found nothing inspirational.

Any help or guidance you could give would be greatly appreciated! Because of some training my husband has, he is only going to be home for another 5 weeks or so before he leaves in March. For some reason I am really feeling the time crunch lately, and for some other reason (probably crazy pregnancy hormones, I’m guessing), the thought of having to agree on a name via Skype with him across the world makes me cry. (Though I am thankful for the existence of Skype that will allow us to keep in touch, I really am. I just want the name agreeing to be done in person.)

Thank you again for your time!

To me, it’s the third name in a row that causes the real pressure—but I do feel some pressure even with a second name in a row, so I’d understand if you wanted to avoid a C name. But if I heard of a sibling group Charlotte, Calvin, and Opal, I wouldn’t think, “What, did they run out of C names?” (with Charlotte, Calvin, Colin, and Opal, I might). And although I’m sure we could find adults still upset that they didn’t share initials with their siblings, my guess is that the majority of children don’t care about such things unless it’s really blatant (and even then, we get people who say it made them feel special, not excluded). If you DID have Charlotte, Calvin, Colin, and Opal, and you said, “Opal, I waited through TWO BOYS to get to use your name!,” it seems like there’d be very little room left for feeling neglected.

I think Calvin would be a wonderful choice. It seems like an excellent compromise between your husband’s style and your own, and I’m not sure we can do any better than that. Which is not to say we won’t try, because trying is fun.

Henry is another name that I think can bridge the gap between Oliver and Andrew. Henry Thompson is great, I think. But what really sells it to me is the sibling name set: Charlotte and Henry. I love that. I love it enough that I had a little heart attack thinking “Wait, is it in their church group??”—followed by a very pleasant headrush when it wasn’t.

If Henry is too common, I wonder if you’d like Harvey. That’s a name that never would have caught my eye if I hadn’t been a fan of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. The cool-but-nice boyfriend is named Harvey.

Tobias and Elias make me think of Silas. Silas Thompson; Charlotte and Silas.

Silas makes me think of Simon. Simon Thompson. Too rhymey, or nicely tied together? Charlotte and Simon is a pair I like almost as much as I like Charlotte and Henry.

Henry and Silas make me think of Harris. Harris Thompson; Charlotte and Harris.

I looked up lists of signers of the Constitution and signers of the Declaration of Independence to see if any early U.S. names stood out. In those lists I found what I consider a real option, a name that came up again and again—but it’s the kind of name I feel like I need to introduce by saying something like “Now don’t reject it right away! Let it sink in!” It’s George. George Thompson. Charlotte and George. I like George enough to consider it using it myself, but it took awhile to start seeing it as a real name candidate, and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s a name like John, so familiar it sort of flits right past without sinking in? But think for a moment of George Clooney. See? GEORGE. I think it’s the kind of name that has the potential to be a continual pleasant surprise: it’s got dignity and it’s got charm and it’s got HISTORY. (And it’s got Clooney.)

Another is Philip. A friend named her son Philip, and it has been such a successful name. I’m not sure I noticed it when I read baby name books, but as soon as she mentioned it I thought “Philip!! Why have we not considered Philip??” Philip Johnson; Charlotte and Philip.

Another name that caught my eye was Nathaniel. That seems closer to your husband’s tastes than to yours, but still might work as a compromise. Nathaniel Thompson; Charlotte and Nathaniel.

There’s an Edmund listed under “Other Founders,” and I think that name would work very nicely. Edmund Thompson; Charlotte and Edmund.

Looking over the list brought the name Joel (not on the lists) to mind. It has that hard-working early American sound. Joel Thompson; Charlotte and Joel.

Or Grant. Grant Thompson; Charlotte and Grant.