K. writes:

Ok, I have to come clean and confess that I visit the SSA.gov web site for popular baby names 3 to 5 times daily racking my brain on a name for our third child.  Our little girl is due in May.  Since this is our third and final,  I just seem to be drawing a blank.  I refuse to run names by my family/friends because it opens the door up for extremely vocal opinions.  Just recently when my sister shared her top two names before the birth of her daughter, (Beatrice and Margaret) so many people let her know that they hated Beatrice.  I do not want to open myself up to that.

My oldest daughter is Natalie Kathryn and her younger brother is Andrew John.  I would like to use Marjorie as the middle name to honor my maternal grandmother but it is not a show stopper.  Kathryn was the name of my paternal grandmother.  I think it would be cute to have both girls be named after my grandmothers.

Our last name is Stoke, with a hard o.  (Rhymes with Coke.)  I would prefer not to have only one syllable in the first name, I think it might be too choppy.  Also, we have alot of girl cousins in the family; so I need to avoid the names Olivia, Josephine, Amelia, Margaret, Lillian, and Valerie.  I also would like to avoid the “top ten.”

So here is our preferred names:

Avery
Elsie / Elsa
Eliza
Cecilia
Charlotte
Eleanor (love Ellie or Nora as nick names)
Kristen
Nadine
Noelle

I really like Nadine, I have no personal associations with that name.  But I was wondering if it had a “southern” feel. Any opinions?  I definately like that it is a less popular name.

I also like Noelle, but then I will have 2 daughters with christmas names (Natalie and Noelle).  Is that cool or too weird?

My husbands favorite is Avery, but then I wont be able to use Marjorie as the middle name due to too many ee sounds. From a previous post I just read on this site, I think the name Avery Elizabeth is just beautiful.  What about Evelyn Marjorie?

Any other names off my radar that I should consider?  I typically like traditional names, I really dislike newer names like Kaylee, Brooklyn, Madison, Kayla.  I have a strong feeling already that this child will spunky, I would like the name to reflect that! Help!

I don’t see how I can resist a name list that has my own name in it. I don’t think this has ever happened before.

I will say this: I have liked my name. I like the look of it and I like the sound of it, and I like the flexibility of it: I feel like a Kristen can be a teacher or a manager or a lawyer or a Target clerk. I don’t mind having to specify that it’s spelled with a K and an E. I don’t much mind the fairly regular confusions with Kristine, Kirsten, and Kiersten.

I do think of it as a Mom Name now, similar to Michelle and Melissa and Shannon and Nicole and Tracy and Amy and Kimberly and the other names of my peers. That doesn’t mean those names are not still usable now for new babies, but it’s like the girls my age named Barbara and Deborah: it’s a little unexpected to hear one generation’s name on another generation. Though certainly not all that unexpected, considering how many babies are named for their parents’ brothers and sisters.

I think of Nadine as not particularly southern but maybe a little dated, fitting with Pauline and Janine and Maxine and Francine. And yet it doesn’t sound DATED-dated to me, possibly because it wasn’t as common and because I don’t personally know anyone named Nadine: if I knew a couple of 50-year-old or 80-year-old Nadines I might feel otherwise. As it is, I think if I encountered a little girl named Nadine the name would feel fresh and interesting and appealing to me. A more current version would be Nadia. But I think both Nadine and Nadia seem very similar to Natalie; not so similar that you couldn’t possibly use them, but similar enough to take into consideration.

Natalie and Noelle seem like a sweet combination to me, and do somewhat bring Christmas to mind. I think that’s okay, though: it’s not even as themed as naming them Faith and Hope, or Rose and Lily; and it helps that there is another child in between. The name Natalie is common enough now (#14 in 2011) that it doesn’t feel like it’s only A Christmas Name, and Noelle fits beautifully with other -elle names such as Isabelle and Annabelle.

If you’re avoiding Top 10, I might take Avery and Charlotte and Evelyn off the list: Avery was #18 in 2011, and Charlotte was #27, and Evelyn was #24, all still rising steadily. I’d expect them all to be higher when the 2012 statistics come out in May.

I think from your list my favorites with Natalie and Andrew are Eliza and Charlotte and Evelyn. Next favorites are Elsa and Eleanor. Next Noelle and Nadine, which get their lower ranking not because they’re not a good fit but because each has a potential issue of being TOO good a fit; and Cecilia, which gets knocked down for having so many S sounds with Stoke. And last I’d put Avery and Kristen: Avery because I think it belongs to the modern style you don’t like, and Kristen because I worry about its mommishness.

Name update! K. writes:

It took some compromising (husband wanted Kristen or Lauren and I wanted Eliza or Nadine) but in the end we happily settled on the name Charlotte Grace. Thanks again for your help!

My husband and I are happily expecting baby boy number four in the next three weeks, but we are still undecided on his name! We have three handsome boys already and it seems that we have used up our favorite names. Our last name rhymes with truck and we like names with nicknames. Here are the brothers:

Logan Clark
Abram Bradley (Abe)
Henry Samuel (Hank)

We would like the middle name to be Thomas, after my husband’s father. Names that we have considered are:

Hudson Thomas – We though this was a strong name and we liked the nn “Hud”, however my grandparents immediately started using the name “Huddie” and it seemed to catch on. I HATE the name “Huddie”. It sounds like fuddy duddy.

Sawyer Thomas – No nn and often used as a girls name. “soy-er” or “saw-yer” ?

Miles Thomas – Husband isn’t sure about this one

Theodore Thomas “Theo” –

Charles Thomas- “Charlie” or “Arlo” – Love the nicknames, but not sure about Charles or the potential of being called “Chuck”.

I also like more modern sounding names like Beckett (Becks) and Emerson. My husband likes Greyson.

We are all over the board on this one and I am nervous about not being discharged from the hospital because we cannot decide on a name! Please Help!

If you like Hudson but the Huddie thing is going to drive you crazy, I suggest Holden or Harrison or Haskell. Or Hutchins, with the nickname Hutch. Or, or Hatcher/Hatch! I like that one!

Or Redford, if your surname isn’t too much like Truck (red Ford truck). Or Weston, or Winston?

I think Wilson would be great, and it has a good nickname. Wilson (Will) Truck; Logan, Abram, Henry, and Wilson.

Similar to Beckett: Bennett, Beckham, Barrett, Wyatt, Everett, Garrett, Elliot, Broderick.

One of my top favorite boy nicknames is Wes. Wesley (Wes) Truck; Logan, Abram, Henry, and Wesley.

Another is Dan. Daniel (Dan) Truck; Logan, Abram, Henry, and Daniel.

I also like Spencer/Spence, which seems a little similar to Sawyer. Spencer (Spence) Truck; Logan, Abram, Henry, and Spencer.

Oh, I wonder if you’d like Archer? It’s similar to Arlo and Charlie and Sawyer. Archer (Archie) Truck; Logan, Abram, Henry, and Archer.

Or Oliver. I’d been on the fence about whether the nickname Ollie would work in real life—and then just this week I was in a store and a mother was asking her son Ollie to get things off the shelves for her, using his name absolutely every time she talked to him. So I got a good long exposure to it, and I’d say it worked. Oliver (Ollie) Truck; Logan, Abram, Henry, and Oliver.

Or Edmund. Edmund (Ed) Truck); Logan, Abram, Henry, and Edmund.

Name update:

Such great responses and Swistle really helped me feel some relief in finding a name. Thank you for all the replies!

We named him Miles Thomas and it fits him very well. He just turned 6 and the name Miles is the right mix of simple, sweet, traditional, and interesting. Thomas adds some harder sounds so that I can yell his full name in “mom” voice and it is affective. Miles Thomas overall feels like a good quality, classic American name.

Funny side note – Some of you suggested Oliver. We have a brown tricolor Border Collie that we named “Ollie the Collie”.

Still love the name Arlo and recently found Fitz. Very cool and strong with a little throw back feel.

Jeanne-Marie writes:

I’m not sure how worried I should be, but my husband and I are expecting our first baby (a girl!) in exactly two weeks from today and we don’t even have a short list of possible names.  Well…I have my list and he has his list but our tastes our so different.  It may be unrealistic, but I’m still hopeful that there is a name out there that we’ll both love and will feel like is that perfect fit.  But since we’ve completely combed the baby name books to no avail and are now on the two week countdown, I’m thinking it might be time to panic.  That’s why I had to reach out to you and see if you might be able to help us.  Our last name is Roberts.

The names that I like are Hazel, Eloise, Felicity, Cecile, and Isla.  I’d love something short and sweet, but also unique.  My husband likes Emma, Ella, Grace, Reese, Riley, Sophie or Sophia, and Mercedes.  Mercedes is a family name on his side.  I thought we could compromise on that one and call her Sadie.  But he’s not a fan of naming the baby one thing and calling her something else.  He said I could call her Sadie, but he would call her Mercedes.  I thought that’d just be too confusing for everyone.  (Plus, does Sadie even work as a nickname when the spelling is so different from Mercedes?)  What do you think, is there any hope for us in bridging our different tastes?  Or does one of us just have to give in?

The funny thing is, we had boys name all set to go with no debate whatsoever – Leo.

Thanks so much for your time!  And your blog, it’s so fun to read!

The overlap in your two lists is that you both like the vintage revival names, but your husband likes the more common ones and you like the more unusual ones. One way to find a name you both like is to look at the two lists and see if you can find a more/less common version. He likes Ella; would you both like Stella? He likes Emma; would you both like Emeline? He likes Sophia; would you both like Josephine or Fiona? You like Isla; would you both like Lila? (Though this would likely rule out using Leo later.)

With a more common surname like Roberts, I’d be inclined toward less common first names. Mercedes seems like an excellent compromise name: it’s a family name, it’s uncommon, and it has a nickname that suits your joint appreciation for vintage names. I don’t think it would be confusing for the child or anyone else if one of you used the full form of her name and the other used her nickname—especially if neither you nor your husband minds if family and friends also go with whichever version they prefer.

I am in general very pursed-lips about non-traditional nicknames—and yet Sadie for Mercedes seems completely reasonable to me, I think because it sounds exactly like it and I can imagine the nickname happening naturally. I even looked it up, thinking it might BE a traditional nickname for it. And although I’d prefer if the spelling matched better, I’m not sure it works to spell it otherwise: Cedie? No. The nickname Mercy could also work.

One issue you might run into is sibling names: if you have another girl later on, will you be able to find a name you like with Mercedes? If not, Mercedes could move to the middle name position and we could go back to finding names that are a mix of your list and his. Maybe a double name, such as Anna Grace or Anna Sophia. Or he likes Ella, and you like short and sweet and unique; would you both like Willa? You like Hazel and Eloise and he likes Ella; would you both like Eliza or Elizabeth?

Name update! Jeanne-Marie writes:

Hello!  Just wanted to send an update along.  We had our baby girl back in March and, though it still took us a few days to decide after she was born, she was finally named!  Mercedes Cecile.  My husband’s family was very touched with our decision (since it’s his grandmother’s name).  I picked the middle name and like that it’s a variation of Cecelia (my grandmother and sister’s name).  I have nicknamed her Sadie and occasionally call her Sadie C.  I really appreciated you posting my letter and all the helpful and kind feedback that came with it.

Katie writes:

I just love your blog and am seeking some help in naming our second baby. We have a 21 month old daughter named, Adeline Elizabeth. My name is Katherine Elizabeth (but I go by Katie) and my husband’s name is Ryan Neal. Adeline was a very easy choice as my favorite author is Virginia Woolf, whose given first name was Adeline. My husband also immediately loved this name and it just fit from the beginning.

Adeline and all of our future children have my husband’s last name of Gudayle–pronounced just like a synonym for good beer. I have kept my own last name. We are due with our second baby in July and are having a difficult time naming him or her (we aren’t finding out the gender). We had a miscarriage right before getting pregnant with this baby; this was an extremely emotionally difficult loss for me and I think is a very big reason why I am finding it difficult to narrow our name list for this baby, who is now 19 weeks and (knock on wood) doing great. I was hoping to give you our (not so) short list and you could pick your favorite(s).

One more little note before the list. Since our children have my husband’s last name, it is important that I feel like my family is represented in the middle spot. So likely middle name choices for this baby are: Marie, Margaret, Eva, Emma, Arthur, Justus, and Vincent.

So here’s our list (I’ve grouped some names together because I think they are similar sounding or nicknames of each other)

Girls
Violet (my long time favorite, but I can’t quite commit 100%)
Eloise/ Louisa/ Louise
Jane
Celia
Beatrice
Susanna

Boys
Arthur/Artie
Frank/Francis/Franklin
Calvin/Cal
Walter/Walt
Dean
Percy

Thanks so much! And I really hope to hear from you and your readers!

and

I had previously written you the below email and I (being the obsessive namer, of course) had a few additional thoughts to add.

1. I think my problem and my husband’s problem of committing to a name is that we had bonded with the baby that we lost. In our heads and hearts, he or she was Frank or Violet. Because we got pregnant so quickly after (about 10 days!) our loss, our favorite names hadn’t really changed so we anticipated using these 2 names for our new baby. However, at this point doing that doesn’t feel right; it doesn’t feel like it is fair to the baby we lost or the baby growing now.

2. Our criteria for names for both genders are names that we feel are strong and will mature well with our child, but are still aesthetically pleasing in sound and looks. The meaning and association of a name is also important–specifically I tend to like names that I have a strong and positive association to a person in history (especially authors) with the same name.

Thanks so much again!!

Before your second email, I would have said Violet! Use Violet! After your second email, I’ve changed my mind. It’s not that I feel the name ought to be or should be or must be ruled out in every situation like this, but it sounds to me as if in this particular situation it just isn’t going to feel right to you. It’s possible that the names Frank and Violet will go back on the list for a future baby, but it sounds like it’s too soon for this baby.

In that case, my favorites from your girl name list are ALL OF THEM. Oh, is that not helpful? All right, I will choose: Eloise. It’s on my own favorites list so I lean toward it anyway, but it’s also my favorite with your surname and with the name Adeline. I’d pick Margaret for the middle name. Eloise Margaret Gudayle; Adeline and Eloise. Hm, or maybe I’d choose Eloise Eva. I like both, and I also think Eloise Marie works well.

I ruled out Jane even though I love it, because Jane Gudayle is so very close to Jane Goodall. It’s a positive association, but a very strong and specific one. Perhaps that would be an upside, though, since you like to have a strong positive association.

For a boy, my favorite is Calvin. My second favorite is Dean. I like Calvin Arthur Gudayle and Dean Vincent Gudayle best, but I think both names are good with all three middle name options. Calvin Vincent repeats the -vin-, but that could be either a plus or a minus depending on your tastes.

Name update! Katie writes:

Thank you so much for all of your help with our baby naming dilemma! Your advice and the advice of your readers was invaluable. Additionally, the beautiful communal support provided in regards to our miscarriage was also very meaningful to me. We ended up having a beautiful baby boy on July 24! His name was actually not off of the list we sent to you, but came to us a bit out of the blue. We HAD decided to use Walter (nn Walt) until we met an acquaintance with a nephew named Theodore (nn Teddy) and both my husband and I immediately loved this name. We especially loved all the nickname options so we decided to wait until he was born to decide on his official nickname that he will be called day to day, and honestly it was immediately obvious to us which one was the right one. So here he is:

Theodore (Theo) Justus Gudayle

Thank you so much again!

Elizabeth writes:

My name is Elizabeth Mary and my husband’s name is Christian Jack. Elizabeth and Christian, plain and simple, exactly what we didn’t want for our children. Our last name is M@ttia (pronounced mah-tee-uh). We have two children already whose names we absolutely fell in love with and fit them to a tee. Baby #3 is due March 27th, 2013 and we’re really hoping to go into the delivery room with two names.

Our (almost six(!) year old) son is Camden Jack, whose name we selected because of its uniqueness. But now, due to two celebrities selecting that name for their own children (one with the same exact name!), the name is on the rise which is exactly what my husband and I were trying to avoid. As of right now, he is the only Camden that we know of in his school, at soccer, etc., which is what we wanted, but now it looks like this will be changing in the future.

Our (21 month old) daughter is Avery Catherine, who is affectionately called “Avery Cate or Ava Cate” around our house and by friends and family. Now in our state, the name Avery is not popular at all, and both my husband and I never realized the popularity of it until we visited some family out east, and the amount of Avery’s in my nephew’s elementary school was astronomical.

So both of the names that we thought were so unique are both on the rise and were looking to not make the same mistake with baby #3. We want to choose a name that sounds fresh off the tongue, yet isn’t too “weird” of a name.

For boys, we’ve believed we’ve narrowed it down to two choices. When I was pregnant with Avery, our boy name was going to be Brayden Mark, but Brayden has climbed the charts rapidly over the past two years, so my husband and I both agreed to settle on something else. The two names that we have come to are extremely similar (almost rhyming), but we’re stuck on what to ultimately choose. Name #1 is  Bennett Mark and name #2 is Beckett James. We’re split 50/50 on the names and we’re hoping you could give us your opinion on the two names.

Now a girl’s name is where we come to some difficulty. We also have two names that we narrowed it down to, but both names don’t seem to be the right ones for us. Name #1 is Hadley Isabelle and name #2 is Lucia Aubrey “Luci or Lucie”. Now, we love both names, but both are getting more popular with each passing day, and this is what we are trying to avoid. We’re open to suggestions if you have them.

Names that we’ve nixed for both genders include:
Caden, Landon, Ryder, Luca, Bria, Liliana, Reagan and Brooks

Please help us Swistle. We’re very open to your suggestions, along with your readers.  We wouldn’t be asking for help if we didn’t need it. We understand that you have an abundance of e-mails to answer, and you don’t know how much we would appreciate if you answered ours.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Here is what I think is making you stuck: you want to avoid trendy, common names, but your tastes are absolutely on-trend. Every single name you like, every single sound you’re attracted to, is what is in style right this minute. What it comes down to in these cases is which is more important to you: a name that fits your preferences for unique, or a name that fits your tastes?

If you want a name that fits your preferences, you’ll have to look among names that aren’t in style, which may mean finding a name that you don’t like as much. That’s not a route that makes much sense to me. I’d suggest instead the route of Going With It: you love on-trend names, and this baby will have two siblings with on-trend names, so I’d suggest going with what you love. Do you love the name Brayden? It hasn’t climbed rapidly in the last two years: it’s climbed rapidly in the last twenty. Beckett and Bennett are following right on its heels:

(screen shot from SSA.gov)

(screen shot from SSA.gov)

(screen shot from SSA.gov)

Of the three, Bennett is the best bet for avoiding trendiness: Brayden didn’t appear in the Top 1000 until 1991 (though we have Braden as far back as 1970) and Beckett not until 2006, but Bennett has been in the Top 1000 since 1880 (the first year we have online records for). It still has a current sound, and it’s surnamey like the sibling names, but it’s not a modern invention.

(With all three names, I like how your children’s initials would then be A, B, and C.)

For comparison, here are the charts for Camden and Avery:

(screen shot from SSA.gov)

(screen shot from SSA.gov)

Camden and Avery hit the Top 1000 for the first time in 1990 and 1989, respectively, and then made fast progress from there. The comforting thing about the Camden chart is that it shows Nick Lachey and Kristin Cavallari have nothing to do with the current popularity of the name: it was running up the charts long before you or they chose it. (Though they may now give the name a boost for new babies—who will luckily be seven years or so behind your son in school, so it won’t affect the number in his classroom or on his team.)

Here’s Hadley and Lucia:

(screen shot from SSA.gov)

(screen shot from SSA.gov)

Hadley is like Avery and Brayden and Camden: it appeared in the Top 1000 fairly recently and then went rapidly up the charts. Lucia is more like Bennett: it’s come back into style recently, but it’s been in the Top 1000 since the data begins in 1880—so if you’re avoiding trendiness, that’s the way to go.

The trouble with looking for new suggestions is that every name I think of that fits well with Camden and Avery is of that same style (surnamey, modern, somewhat unisex)—and that style is what’s IN style. Even if I find names that aren’t in the Top 1000, it’s more like “not in the Top 1000 YET”: any name I suggest could appear in the 2012 data and then quickly follow the same path as Hadley and Avery.

With a fairly unisex sister name (in 2011, there were 7303 new baby girls and 1776 new baby boys named Avery), I think I might look for something more unisex than Lucia (1308 new baby girls and no new baby boys)—or something with a unisex SOUND such as Everly (currently used exclusively for girls in the U.S. but sounds like it could be for either). Everly is too similar to Avery, but maybe Ellery? Bailey? The nice thing about the name Bailey is that it had that familiar rapid rise—but then it stopped. For the last 17-18 years it’s just been hanging around in the same popularity area.

Because of that, however, Bailey may not have the fresh sound you’re looking for. Berkeley instead? It’s not yet in the Top 1000, so even if it gets there someday, your girl would have beat the rush.

Or Brinley. It has unfortunately already started what looks like a similar rapid climb (appeared in the Top 1000 in 2009 and has already made it to #525), but it’s so good with the sibling names. Brinley M@ttia; Camden, Avery, and Brinley.

Carling is a name I found in the surnames section of The Baby Name Wizard. It sounds sweetly like darling, and it has the feminine nickname Carli. It’s a surname name, and it’s currently completely unused in the United States. Carling M@ttia; Camden, Avery, and Carling.

Hollis is similar. Only 60 new baby girls and 101 new baby boys were given the name in 2011; it’s not in the Top 1000. The nickname Holly feminizes it. Hollis M@ttia; Camden, Avery, and Hollis.

Or Ellison. Not in the Top 1000, with the nickname Ellie if she wants it. Ellison M@ttia; Camden, Avery, and Ellison. I’d be inclined to match it to Avery Catherine by giving her a long nicknameable middle name: Avery Catherine and Ellison Josephine; Ava Cate and Ellie Jo.

Or Ellis: 311 new baby boys and 183 new baby girls in 2011.

Lane is in the Top 1000 for boys but neither Lane nor Laine shows up for girls. Laine M@ttia; Camden, Avery, and Laine.

Or Larkin: not in the Top 1000 for boys or girls. Larkin M@ttia; Camden, Avery, and Larkin.

Lennox has just hit the Top 1000 for boys, but not yet for girls (44 new baby girls and 262 new baby boys in 2011). The nickname Leni makes me think of it as more girlish, despite the numbers. Lennox M@ttia; Camden, Avery, and Lennox.

I think Padgett is an adorable surname name. Padgett M@ttia; Camden, Avery, and Padgett.

If you wanted something very on-the-edge, I think the boys are done with the name Winslow, and that it has a lot of potential as a girl name. The Win- sounds like Winnie and the -slow sounds like Sloane. But I don’t think it quite hits the right sound with Camden and Avery. Winslow M@ttia; Camden, Avery, and Winslow.

I think Bethan would work well, and gives the A/B/C initials. Bethan M@ttia; Camden, Avery, and Bethan.

Oh, or Mirren would be pretty, if you don’t mind alliteration with the surname. Mirren M@ttia; Camden, Avery, and Mirren.

I just saw Locklyn on, unfortunately, another celebrity baby, but the name caught my eye. Locklyn M@ttia; Camden, Avery, and Locklyn.

Name update! Elizabeth writes:

Well here it is. I promised you an update and an update is what you shall get. We loved yours and your readers suggestions and we were debating for a few days, but not too intensively as we thought we had more time, except our little one had other ideas. Baby M@ttia decided to make an early arrival on March 1, 2013,and SHE(!) is absolutely perfect! She spent 11 days in the NICU as she was on the small side and had a bit of jaundice, but everything cleared nicely. She also spent 4 days without a name because we could not agree, The hubs wanted Lennox, and I had no idea what I wanted, just not Lennox. We searched the internet and finally, my husband found the name that eventually became our baby girl’s. It’s not exactly something you hear everyday nor was it even on our namelists or thought of before. It took me by surprise about how much it fit our little princess. So without any further suspense, our little girl is:

Kensington Grace M@ttia
4 lbs. 6.5 oz. 19 inches

Camden and Avery have affectionately dubbed her “Kenzie” and my husband and I alternate between “Kensington, Kensington Grace, Kenzie, and Kenzie Grace”. As this was not our last child, we may come to you in the future for some more naming help, but in the meantime, thank you for everything. (Oh, and by the way, our boy name was Beckett James)

Kayleigh writes:

So I have a bit of an interesting situation… I just recently stumbled across your blog, so I’m not sure if this has come up before. My husband and I are adopting a little boy, who is due next month(March 12th) and will hopefully be joining our family shortly after that. The little boy’s mother is my husband’s cousin, who lived with us during her first year of college a couple of years ago. We became close, and when she began seeking an adoptive family for her son, she contacted us, having been living with us when we started researching adoption. We’ve been discussing names with her, because she’s a hardcore name fanatic. We’re letting her choose the middle name, and she’s chosen Arlo(it’s a combination of her name and her boyfriend’s name).

Plot twist! A couple of months after beginning the adoption process, we discovered that I was pregnant as well.  A little girl will also be joining our family in about two months(April 5th). My husband and I are having trouble figuring out what to name these children. The problem is this: our children are going to begin their lives with enough differences as it is. We want to avoid clashing names. My husband and I, however, both dislike names that feel too matchy-matchy. No alliteration, no rhyming, and we don’t want to have a clearly matching theme.

For both children, we want at least their first names to clearly be one gender or the other, and reasonably easy to spell and pronounce. I was blessed with the name Kayleigh, and it is seldom spelled or pronounced correctly. I’m sure my parents meant well, because my maiden name is extremely common, but it was hard. It still gets mispronounced to this day, but I’ve come to terms with it. I don’t want either of my children to have the same problem; however, our last name is Brown, so I’m trying to find a different solution for the same problem.

Other general details: My husband’s name is Eugene. Since our names don’t really match, we’re not super picky about our children’s names going well with ours. We also don’t really care if their initials spell words, as long as they don’t have any directly negative connotations.

For boys, we tend to prefer Biblical-sounding names; for girls, names that are fanciful without being weak. In both cases, we prefer that the names have at least a couple hundred years’ history tucked under their belts. I personally like names that lend themselves easily to a nickname, but it’s not a must-have. We also gravitate to names that have around three syllables, and never a monosyllabic name(not with our last name).

Thankfully the selection of Arlo has helped eliminate some names due to flow or alliteration problems: Asher, Arthur, Cyril, Elias, Elliott, Luke, Oliver, Levi, and Simon. Names that haven’t been crossed off include: Sebastian, Jasper, Tobias, Frederick, Gideon, Matthew, Isaac, and Joseph.

For our daughter, we’ve rejected the following for spelling/pronunciation issues, trendiness, negative associations, relatives using these names, or just ‘not feeling right’: Eloise, Abigail, Minerva, Alice, Jillian, Margery, Madeline, Phoebe, and Valerie. Still in the running:  Gwendolen, Penelope, Thalia, Evelyn, Amelia, Cecily, Rebecca, and Miranda.

For her middle name, we’re leaning towards modified spellings of the Irish names of my grandparents’ generation: Eva/Eve, Orla, Enya, Ashling, and Siobhan(she-VAHN). Frances, Ellen(or Ella), Meredith, and Juliet, and Rose are also in the running as family names from the relatives who aren’t quite so recently off the boat.

I’ve also recently fallen in love with the names Bellamy and Everly, even though they both absolutely violate everything I’ve ever told myself I dislike about names(trendy, recent, almost too cutesy, potentially gender-unclear). I’m not really sure what it is that’s drawing me to those names, but I’m enchanted by them… and I have yet to mention them to DH.

Thanks so much in advance for all your help!

I often recommend that parents think ahead to future sibling names when naming their first child. It’s an interesting twist to be actually choosing two at once, without twin issues to consider!

Bellamy and Everly do indeed seem like they fall outside your usual style. It’s possible to get smitten with a new sound, but then find the crush fades with the novelty. I also think neither is quite right with your surname: Bellamy Brown seems too alliterative, and Everly Brown seems too surnamey.

Looking over your lists, I see tons of good names; it seems like at this point it’s just a matter of choosing which ones. Here are a few sets I like:

Sebastian Arlo and Thalia Frances
Sebastian Arlo and Gwendolen Orla
Jasper Arlo and Miranda Eve
Jasper Arlo and Penelope Ellen
Tobias Arlo and Cecily Orla
Frederick Arlo and Evelyn Meredith (Freddie and Evvie)
Gideon Arlo and Rebecca Siobhan
Matthew Arlo and Amelia Juliet (Matt and Mia)
Isaac Arlo and Rebecca Orla (Zac and Becca, Zack and Beck)
Joseph Arlo and Miranda Juliet

I avoided the middle name Rose because it’s a color name like Brown.

I like how Orla is a rearrangement of the letters of Arlo. It plays up the “almost twins” status of the two children.

Will names with a one-syllable nickname bother you with your surname?

********

What pairings would you make?

Names update! Kayleigh writes:

They’re both asleep, and I don’t know when that will happen again(and DH has to go back to work in a few days, eek!), so here’s my update, which I can say with certainty will be the only thing I will actually get done this week. By the way, I don’t recommend having a baby, adopting a baby, and moving all around the same time. Yes, it’s crazy, but in fairness, we were supposed to have at least three weeks in the new house before either child made an entrance. And yes, this is going to be kind of a novel, much like my original post, but I can’t figure out how to shorten this and still fit everything in. Also, I really hope this makes sense, because I’ve been having trouble forming proper sentences in the past couple of days because of reasons.

My husband and I were all set to go with Sebastian Arlo and Gwendolen Orla. We hadn’t even noticed the Arlo/Orla connection before, which just shows the value of bouncing name ideas off of others! The original name was spelled Orlagh, so I guess we still had that silent ‘gh’ in our heads every time we thought about it. We also loved the way the Sebastian and Gwendolen just barely rhymed.

Well, you know what they say about the best-laid plans… as with many adoptions, the biological parents in ours had second thoughts(which we were supportive of). After a few days, they decided to go through with the adoption, but they had already given him a name. After a discussion with another family member who was also adopted, we decided to keep his name mostly intact. And so it was that Logan Orion [Sounds like Handlock] was born on March 3rd, and became Logan Orion Handlock Brown on March 8th.

Of course, that changed our name plans for our daughter, who made an early appearance on the morning of March 10th… which, yes, is two days after Logan joined our family.

Because we had ‘lost’ Sebastian, we didn’t feel comfortable using Gwendolen. We also wanted to choose something that would be at a similar level of popularity. Amelia was our first choice, but of course the child came out with a head full of bright red hair. As DH and I are both avid Doctor Who fans, Amelia was just a little TOO fitting. So we finally settled on Evelyn Frances Meredith, which felt right the minute we said it. Evelyn and Logan have that same end sound that we had loved before, and they’re in the same popularity bracket. Both got a literary+surname double middle. It’s a pattern we’re comfortable continuing.

For the commenters wondering about how we’re going to handle the twin question, we’re just going to say yes when asked. They’re only a week apart, after all, and they actually look really similar right now. The answer may change as they get older. If they’re happy being twins, they can stay that way. If they’d rather make it clear that they are different ages(even if it’s just a week), then we’ll just say that they’re very close in age.

Again, thanks so much for posting our question and taking the time to give us some much-needed reassurance and feedback! Thanks also to your readers who commented- you all had some wonderful ideas that have helped us modify our name lists for future children. Thank you so much!

Tysen writes:

I don’t know how it took me this long to find your site but it is the single best naming resource I have seen in 8 months of searching that is entering panic phase, I really appreciate the insightful (and non-judgemental) approach of your and your readers. Here is my dilemma and I am hoping you can help: I am due March 9 with our first baby. We do not know the sex. I feel that my parents set an impossible bar because they gave me a very unique name that I have grown to love: Tysen (yes I am the mother). I have spent my whole life being complimented on my name, people commenting how surprised they are when I show up (I work in construction and they always expect a guy). My husband has an uncommon family name and goes by his initials. I feel big pressure to come up with a great girls name though I know “unique” names are more the norm and am fine if it is not utterly original.

My husband and I have settled on a boy’s name, Xavier. This is the only matter of taste he and I have ever agreed on when it came up while we were dating years ago, he has backed of it but I am insisting we should name a son Xavier in honor of the blessed occasion of our only spontaneous agreement. We just completed renovations on our house without ever agreeing on one single thing: paint, furniture, counters…you get the idea. I like all things unusual and he likes traditional. He strongly favors family names, though there are some slim pickings on the female side in this regard. On his list of likes are Alexandra, Angela and Nicola (nikki). I like the sound of those, but they are far to common for me. Nicola might work, but I think of the 50 Nicoles I know.  Like one of the posts I saw from a previous reader, I think he thinks of the girls he knows from college and can’t break out of the box. I might be making too much of this, but I am passionate about travel and languages and having diverse interests and have a very strong aversion to naming my kid (esp. daughter) something too common or conventional.

I have been doing battle for Sloane for months and am close to giving up. Other names I love that are out:  Lane, Rory, Evan , Ellis, Elliette (vetoed because we know people with these names or close to them).  Avery (too trendy). Other names I like that I am considering to put on the table are: Emery, Owen, Lowen, Emerson, Auri and Cole. Lennox is one I just saw tonight and am liking but might be tough with baby’s last name (Arnold) and might be a weird boxer theme with my name? Cameron is on our very short list of mutual consideration.

I am reluctant to suggest any of this latest name crop  now and have them get shot down summarily as every other name I had pitched for the past 8.5 months. Family names that I could probably get approval for are Hunter (trying to get buy in that this works for a girl) or McNeill.

So do you have any tips on what names might work for both of us or any thoughts on which ones of these are the strongest to your ears? I am so frustrated now that I don’t even know what I like, I  suddenly feel for the US congressmen trying to find a  ugly compromise that pleases nobody.  I think something Scottish or Irish could satisfy the family part but I haven’t found the right one yet. Do you have any tips on how to strategically broach the polar opposite taste issue? My only current idea is to hope he will take pity on me after watching the birth and agree to something I like that is not too outrageous.

Help!!!

I think it can help in discussions to separate out each parent’s preferences, to make it more clear when one parent is getting something or giving something up, and to make it more clear when both preferences can’t simultaneously be satisfied and so there is a need for bargaining and compromise. “Okay, well, I know you want to use a family name, but then maybe we can go with my preference of having it be an unusual name.” “Okay, so what if we use the traditional, common, feminine family name you’d like to use, but we’ll put it in the middle name position—and then maybe we can go less common for the first name, as I’d prefer.” “How about this: it can be clearly feminine, as you want it to be—but then very unusual, as I want it to be.” “How about this: we’ll choose something more familiar, as you want—but something unisex, as I’d prefer.”

I think it can also help to have parents choose from each other’s lists. It’s easy for one parent to just say no to every name they hear the other one say; better progress can sometimes be made by trying exercises where each parent MUST choose their top three from the other parent’s list. It shifts the mindset from “This name isn’t a name I came up with, so it’s automatically out before I’ve even really let it sink in” to “What names that THEY like do I ALSO like?” And it would be helpful to know which of the names from your lists he finds even slightly tolerable: from there, perhaps you could find something he likes even more.

You might make some headway by explaining that your wish to choose an unusual name for a daughter is a sort of family-name situation for you: not merely an issue of personal taste but of carrying on a new tradition.

The main difference I notice in your tastes is that you like unisex/boyish names and he likes very feminine names. If you plan to have more than one child, it will save suffering later to spend some time now sketching out a rough concept of how you’d like those names to go. It’s difficult to picture sisters named Nicola and Evan, or Hunter and Alexandra. It’s also useful to think ahead about sibling combinations such as Xavier and Hunter, where Hunter is a girl; or Xavier and Cole, where Cole is a girl.

From your list, I think you will find Emerson and Cameron too common for your tastes. They’re a bit stealthy on the charts, because of all the different spellings. And because they’re used for boys as well as for girls (especially Cameron), that dramatically increases the chances of two in a classroom.

I think what I’d do is look at each name on your lists and try to find something similar that might interest the other parent. For example, you have Owen on your list, which is very uncommon for girls (only 17 new baby girls named Owen in 2011, according to the Social Security Administration) and would in fact make a nice brother name for an Xavier. You also have Lowen, which has a more feminine sound but unfortunately also has a Lindsay Lohen association. Would Rowan also be to your tastes, while also being more feminine for your husband’s tastes? Or Gwendolyn? Or Elowen? Or Bronwyn? Naomi? Cleo? Romilly? Imogen?

Or, he has Alexandra on his list. I wonder if we could shift that to something more unusual like Anastasia or Athena or Azalea or Lissandra or Allegra or Artemisia or Arabella or Antonia or Aviva. It combines his preference for feminine with your preference for unusual.

Which brings me to another possible type of compromise: you could use a name he likes, but something with a nickname you like. For example, you could name her Alexandra but call her Xander. He could still use the full name if he preferred, and the two of you could agree on a plan for what you’d use as the default for relatives and preschool and so forth. (At some point, she will get involved in that decision as well.) A name like Augusta is feminine but unusual, and would give you Gus. Francesca would give you Frank. Frederika or Winifred would give you Freddie.

I see you have Rory and Auri; would you like Aurora? It’s quite feminine, quite unusual, and you could use both Rory and Auri as nicknames.

Or Lorelei.

If you like Sloane, I wonder if you’d like Simone?

Nicola seems like a very good compromise name to me. Nicole was in or around the Top 10 all through the ’70s and ’80s, but now it’s not even in the Top 100—and Nicola isn’t even in the Top 1000. Nicola McNeill Arnold, Nicola Hunter Arnold, Nicola Lennox Arnold.

Or do you like Annika? It sounds like Nicola, but without all those moms named Nicole.

Name update!

We had a boy and named him Xavier.

H. writes:

Just yesterday I actually broke down and cried over trying to figure out a name for our third baby boy–I took this as a sign that I need some help. I am due in early April 2013 and my darling husband and I are at an impasse. My oldest son (from a previous marriage) is Grady Owen Lanser. I love his name. I loved it when I first stumbled upon it 10 years ago and have never had a single regret–naming him was blissfully easy.

My second son is Mason Cruz Sousa, a name we decided on while I was 5cm dilated and hours from birthing him, clearly not a strategy I would advise to anyone. It took us about a month to realize we hated the name Cruz, and though he is two years old now, we have decided that we are going to have his middle name legally changed this year (haven’t quite decided yet–Noah and Everett are contenders). And though I have liked the name Mason for a very long time, we did not spend enough time saying it with our last name–Mason Sousa, too many “s” sounds running together. His name, I do regret.

I am terrified that we will once again end up in the same crazed, in-labor, no-name-ready place we were with our second.

So this is where we are. I like: Beau, Everett, Noah, Levi, Leo, Garrett, Jonah and Wyatt, all of which he doesn’t want to use for one reason or another.

He likes: Marshall, Phillip, Logan, and Dylan, though he is pushing hard for Marshall. Actually, I don’t mind Marshall, but I am concerned about the nicknames he might endure (Marshmallow, Marsh), and I also didn’t want two kids whose names start with the same letter (Mason and Marshall–too similar?) or two names that are both two syllable ending in “n” (Mason and Logan)

If we had had a girl, our possibilities were: Gigi, Vivian, Stella, Josephine and Maryn (pronounced Mare-in), names we definitely could agree on.

If you can offer any assistance, I would be forever grateful.

Everett from your list and Phillip from his makes me think of Elliot. Elliot Sousa; Grady, Mason, and Elliot. A new name beginning and a new name ending!

Or there’s Emmett. Emmett Sousa; Grady, Mason, and Emmett.

The name Phillip Sousa brings John Philip Sousa to mind. It’s by no means a negative association, nor was it very strong for me (for a minute I thought, “Hm, something about Phillip Sousa rings half a bell, I wonder why?”), but it’s something I’d want to consider before choosing the name.

Would Mitchell work better than Marshall? It still starts with M, but seems much less matchy than Mas/Mars. I went to school with a Mitchell/Mitch who was so smart and kind, it’s left me with a very good impression of the name.

I also went to school with a boy who went by his surname Marshall (we had a lot of Jasons, and there was a bit of a scramble to come up with alternative names), and I don’t remember marsh or marshmallow coming up. On the other hand, I was only in one elementary classroom with him, and by high school a lot of that stuff is over, so I could have missed it.

Levi and Leo make me think of Liam. Liam Sousa; Grady, Mason, and Liam.

Garrett and Dylan make me think of Darien. Darien Sousa; Grady, Mason, and Darien. It repeats the -n ending of Mason, but having an extra syllable reduces the impact of that for me.

Or Deacon. Deacon Sousa; Grady, Mason, and Deacon.

Noah and Dylan make me think of Nolan. Again it repeats the -n ending of Mason, but I still like it—and so many boy names end in N. Nolan Sousa; Grady, Mason, and Nolan.

Beau and Dylan make me think of Dean. Dean Sousa; Grady, Mason, and Dean.

If it would be fun to repeat the two syllables and and five letters and long-A, I wonder if you’d like Caleb. Caleb Sousa; Grady, Mason, and Caleb. Each name has its own distinct beginning, ending, and consonant sounds, but they feel like a very good set of brothers. Jacob would be similar.

Because Grady and Mason can both be surnames, I’m inclined toward other surname names. Tanner, perhaps. Tanner Sousa; Grady, Mason, and Tanner.

Or Bennett! Bennett Sousa; Grady, Mason, and Bennett.

Or Carter. Carter Sousa; Grady, Mason, and Carter.

Or Clark. Clark Sousa; Grady, Mason, and Clark.

Parker. Parker Sousa; Grady, Mason, and Parker.

Calvin. Calvin Sousa; Grady, Mason, and Calvin.

For Mason’s new middle name, Noah seems to blend/repeat too much (the -n/N- of Mason Noah, and then the -ah/-a of Noah Sousa), especially in a name where you’re already sorry about too many S sounds. It all runs together for me: Maysa-noa-sousa. I love Mason Everett Sousa. At first I thought the MES initials were going to seem too much like “mess,” but then I remembered I’ve encountered those initials regularly on an institution and I’ve never once thought of “mess,” so it must not come to mind even for those of us who tend to be a bit oversensitive to such things. Another possibility, if your husband is very keen on Marshall but it turns out you just don’t want to use it as a first name, is to use that as the middle name: Mason Marshall Sousa.

Name update! H. writes:

I just wanted to give you an update–we had the baby on 4/8/13, so our naming dilemmas are finally over : ) For our two year old, we decided to change his middle name to Everett, so Mason Everett Sousa, and the new baby is Ethan Noah Sousa. When he was born, he was so much softer and sweeter than any of the names on our list–Marshall was definitely not going to work and even my husband agreed even though he had been set on the name! After a day of watching him, hubby threw out Ethan and we both knew it was perfect for out little darling. So my three boys are Grady, Mason and Ethan and I couldn’t be happier. Thanks so much to you and your readers for all of your suggestions–we spent days mulling them over!

Tiffanie writes:

I came across your blog this summer and love the input and insight you and your readers give to expecting parents! I’m 21 weeks along and am hoping you might have to time to help my husband and I agree on a name for our little boy that is due mid-June.

My name is Tiffanie and my husband’s name is Ryan. Our last name is Terry.

Finding a girls name was a piece of cake. By the end of the first trimester, and after only discussing names off and on briefly, we had picked out Emmeline Rose. Agreeing on a boys name, however, has been a totally different story. I’m dead set on naming my son after my father whose name is Rex. I’ve always known I’ve wanted to honor my father this way, and I also want to pass along a name from my side of the family. My husband is on board, but isn’t sure he likes it as the child’s first name. His favorite dog growing up was named Rex and he fears having a son with the same name will just be odd.

I’ve suggested calling our son by his middle name instead of Rex. My husband thinks we should use Rex as a middle name, but now that my dad was diagnosed with cancer this year, I feel even more strongly about Rex being the first name. Maybe I’m just overly emotional because of the pregnancy hormones, but deep down in my heart, I really want Rex as the first name.

Now, getting to our naming issue, we can’t find a middle name, which will be the name we’ll most likely call our son by, that seems right with Rex. We both don’t want a name that can also be mistaken for a last name. My husband gets called Terry Ryan all the time. He would love a name that is a fairly obvious first name. (Although, I never would have thought Ryan would be mistaken for a last name, but it does!)

Rex Harvey is the only contender we currently have and both like. I worry Rex and Harvey are both such “old” and uncommon names that it is just too much. But, I just love the way it sounds!

Other names we have considered, but vetoed:
Noel
Dierks
Scout
Grady
Milo
Everett

I’m not too found of using a popular name. I didn’t like having to be called Tiffanie D. all through school because there were four other Tiffany’s in my class and wouldn’t want any of my children to have to do that.

Any help or insight you and your readers could share would be oh-so wonderful! I’m just so overwhelmed with the name game! (also, i apologize for the length of this e-mail)

Because your husband is uncertain about the name Rex, I think it should be the middle name. That’s a lovely and significant place for an honor name, and seems like the sensible place for a name you’re not planning to use: better to put it in the middle name position, and then maybe find pleasingly that you do occasionally use it with the first name: “Hey, Grady Rex, time for dinner!”

Using Rex as the middle name also sets you up nicely for future children: if you have another child and want to use another honor name but as the middle name this time, it won’t seem like a lesser honor. And if your husband thinks of a relative he’d like to honor as the next child’s first name, but you don’t like the name for a first name, you won’t feel like you’re stuck returning the favor.

You have your reasons for wanting to use the name as a first name, but a baby’s name is a decision for both parents to make. If your husband were insisting on naming the baby after himself or after his own father, or if he were insisting on using another name he’d always wanted to use, I would be reminding you right now that you didn’t have to go along with that: just because one parent feels strongly about using a name or naming tradition, that doesn’t mean one parent gets to make the decision all on his or her own.

It can help to picture the tables turned: imagine if you were having a girl, and your husband were insisting on naming her after his mother (or grandmother or aunt or sister, if coincidentally you like your mother-in-law’s name enough to ruin the example), even though you weren’t sure about it. It wouldn’t really matter how strongly he felt about it, I would still be saying it was not up to him, and that using the name as a middle name was the perfect way for two people to compromise. Then you can work together on choosing your child’s first name, so that it will be special to both of you instead of to only one of you.

If the name Rex were out of the picture, what would your joint name list look like? Are there names that have been vetoed because they didn’t work as middle names with Rex? I’d suggest bringing those back into consideration. This may mean starting from scratch, since the rhythm of ____ Rex Terry is quite different than the rhythm of Rex ____ Terry. You may find you suddenly have many more names to choose from.

With a surname that can also be a first name, no name is going to completely prevent the names sometimes getting swapped—but you’re right that some names will cause less of a problem than others. Grady and Everett and Dierks can look like surnames, for example, but Milo doesn’t as much. The problem is compounded by your wish to find an unusual first name: if I saw “Henry Terry” I wouldn’t think it was likely that the name was actually supposed to be Terry Henry, because Henry is a common first name right now and Terry is not. But if I saw “Harvey Terry,” I would be less certain: Harvey is a very uncommon name right now, even less common than Terry (according to the Social Security Administration, in 2011 there were 472 new baby boys named Terry and 243 new baby boys named Harvey), so I’d be less certain.

This may mean making a choice between two preferences. Almost every name has a hassle of one sort or another; would you prefer the “Henry T.” type of hassle or the “Terry Harvey” type of hassle? Luckily you have one person in your family with each of the two experiences: you can compare your Tiffanie D. experience with your husband’s Terry Ryan experience. How often did each issue come up, and how difficult was it to handle? Would either issue be more or less of an issue than the hassle of spelling/pronouncing an unusual name?

If your husband is willing to let you make the decision on the first name, then I think Rex Harvey is a very nice name. Do you both like the sound of the name Harvey Terry, since that’s what you would be mostly calling him? Some people don’t like repeated endings, and some people like them. If you like it, I’d say you have your name.

Name update! Tiffanie writes:

First, thank you so, so much for answering my question and for the honest feedback from both you and your readers! It made me realize my husband needed to be completely on board with what we named our son and not just “okay” with it. I’m embarrassed I didn’t realize that before writing to you!

I also wanted to thank your readers for their comments on going by a middle name. I had never even thought about some of the issues they brought up (from their own or husband’s experiences) and I am oh-so-glad they shared their stories! Saved my poor son a lifetime of correcting rightfully confused people and explaining that he goes by his middle name.

Anyway, my husband and I finally decided on Henry Rex a few hours after he was born on June 16th (Father’s Day!), but already we and our family and friends have taken to calling the little guy Huck.

Again, thank you so much for your help! I so appreciate it!!!

(attached is a photo of our little Huck if you care to take a look!)

Elizabeth writes:

Okay, I’ve never seen you post an email like this before, but I am writing to you for my sister, who has given me permission to horn in on her baby naming situation to ask for some advice on her behalf. I am such a huge fan of your blog, and long after I had my two boys, I’ve been checking in to see how you’ve solved the world’s baby naming conundrums.

Okay, so my sister, whose last name is Dry with an F just found out she is pregnant with her third and final baby, a girl, who is due in June. Her first two children have really great names — great, I think, because they are unique (i.e. not top 100) without sounding so unique that you say “huh”?  I call them classic unique — Elliot Dallin and Emelia Mollie. Mollie was the middle name of our grandmother, Jane Mollie.

Now, my sister’s husband thinks that they need to complete the package with another “E” name, because having two “E” names already, he thinks it’s only fair that they name the third the same. He says that he’s going to veto anything that doesn’t start with an E. My sister isn’t sold on needing an “E” name; she doesn’t think it’s necessary to keep going with the Es and in fact would lean the other direction, not an “E” name. So my first question on their behalf is whether continuing with the “E” names is necessary — that is, will the third child feel left out if her siblings both have “E” names and she does not?

They don’t have ideas in mind, although my sister likes Elisabeth, but thinks it’s probably too common, and Emelia, who is four, has put her vote in for Elissa. My sister’s husband suggested Elin.

And finally, having a last name like Dry with an F means you have to be a little bit careful not to for example, name the baby Frenchie or Frances. Oh, and my sister and her husband are looking for names to go with Dry with an F that are more than one syllable to even it out.

So, do you have any suggestions for either “E” names that fit the criteria that my sister would love and therefore would not require a veto, or other names that just go nicely with Elliot and Emelia that don’t make that song “which one of these doesn’t belong here?” start playing in your head?

We’d love your advice.

and

PS — My sister added a few likes and dislikes:

I think M’s top are
Elin
Eloise (Not my favorite)

and mine is
Esmee (I don’t want people to say “Es-may” like the French way, so I was thinking about adding the extra e)

but I also like
Elisabeth (can’t argue with a family-ish name)/Elis is cute
Eden

I pretty strongly veto
Eleanor (too popular right now)
Elise
Elaine

I should find the family tree for middle name ideas.

I have mixed feelings, because on one hand I do think it would be nice to give the third child an E name, and on the other hand I’m annoyed at the idea of one parent declaring that he’ll veto anything that isn’t an E name. Surely this is a decision for the two parents to make together, not for one parent to refuse to consider anything else.

No, it isn’t necessary to have a third E name. And as long as there is no reason for the third child to feel that her parents gave her a non-E-name on purpose in order to exclude her from the family, I don’t see any particular reason it will be an issue. If it comes up, it seems as if the answer “Oh! We didn’t do that on purpose, we just chose our favorite name each time!” would be fully sufficient to cover the situation for any child not determined to feel upset about it.

I would also recommend taking an approach where the first letter of a name is not given quite so much impact: “Yes, Annabel, that’s right: Elliot and Emelia both start with E! And you and Emelia both have an A in your names, but Elliot doesn’t; and you and Elliot both have a doubled letter in your names, but Emelia doesn’t; and you and Elliot both have three syllables but Emelia has four; and all three of you have L’s and E’s; and you’re the only one with an N, and Emelia is the only one with an M, and Elliot is the only one with a T…” and so on. (This is a pretty fun game to play with little kids.)

I think it also helps in this case that the matched initial is a vowel, so that the starting sounds are more El- and Em- rather than both being E-; and also that Emelia’s name hits the ear as if it’s Amelia. When said aloud, the sibling group is not going to have the same ear-catching impact as, say, Brian, Brittany, and Samantha: Elliot, Emelia, and Annabel (said aloud rather than seen written down) doesn’t catch my ear at all. Even written down, I think the vowel initial of the third name softens the difference. So if they do decide not to use a third E name, I would recommend looking first among other vowel names.

There are other ways to tie a third name in, too. Both Elliot and Emelia have six letters including E, L, and I. Names on the non-E list could be examined for similarities along those lines. Lianna, for example, has the L and the I, and also has six letters, and also repeats the -lia of her sister’s name. Or Laurel has six letters and the L and the E. Or Leslie has six letters and the E, the L, and the I. Or Lilian has six letters and the L and the I. Or Violet has six letters and the E, the L, and the I, and if anything makes Emelia the odd one out. Or Linnea has six letters and the E/L/I. And so on.

Effort could also be put into the middle name: the first two children both have six-letter double-L family names; it would be nice to find something similar for the third child.

I notice that all the current candidates are E names, so let’s proceed on the assumption that your sister’s husband has made this decision for them, and that what we’re looking for is an E name.

My first suggestion is Erianna. It’s feminine and pretty like Emelia, but not too similar. Elliot, Emelia, and Erianna.

My own favorite E name is probably Eliza. Elliot, Emelia, and Eliza. I THINK the different emphasis and vowel sounds (ee-LY vs. EH-lee) keeps it from being too similar to Elliot.

Or Elena would work well. Elliot, Emelia, and Elena.

Or maybe Ellis, or Ellison, or Everly, or Ellery.

Elsa/Elsie is pretty. Elliot, Emelia, and Elsa.

I’m not sure about the Esme situation. Does your sister want it pronounced Ehz-mee instead of Ehz-may? I am not sure how difficult it would be to get people to do that. Is it pronounced mee or may in the Twilight movies? If the goal is to get the mee sound at the end, I would spell it Esmie.

I love her idea of her naming the baby after you! That would be my top favorite, except I’d spell it the same as your name because I would get weary of correcting the spelling. Elliot, Emelia, and Elizabeth.

I also like Emelia’s suggestion of Elissa. Elliot, Emelia, and Elissa. Maybe her given name could be Elisabeth and her nickname could be Elissa.

Name update! Jessica writes:

Thank you for recently weighing-in on our baby name conundrum. It was interesting to hear your readers’ thoughts also.

Elin Elizabeth Dry with an F was born 6 days late (more time to negotiate the name!), 9lbs 11 oz.

We decided on the name in the hospital after the E-pidural kicked in. We came with top choices Esme, Elin and Esther. Elizabeth is middle name for both grandmas and first name of my sis and middle name of dad’s sis too.

We are constantly correcting people about our preferred pronunciation: ee-lynn. Not el-len or eh-laan. But we love it and we love her!