Hi!

I am due with our second boy in mid-June and we CANNOT come up with a name!

Our first is Theodore Louis (we call him Theo). I ADORE that name…so much so that anything we come up with feels like “Oh it’s great, but it’s not as good as Theodore Louis.”

For the second I’d like a similar “classic but not outdated” vibe. Middle name of Edward (my grandfather) would be nice but not 100% necessary.

Names we like but have vetoed because we have family members with the name:

Jonathan
Andrew
Christopher
Adam
Matthew
David
Joshua

Names I thought I liked but vetoed because I didn’t like the nickname potential for reasons I can’t exactly articulate:

Thomas (Tommy)
Timothy (Tim/Timmy)

Names we generally like but don’t necessarily like with Edward (open to middle name suggestions here):

Oliver
Samuel
Gabriel
Elliott
Brady

Name we ADORED but vetoed because it means “supplanter” and I can’t do that to a second son (or, really, to my first son!):

Jacob (middle name would have been Elliott)

I think this is sufficient (probably too much) info! HELP!

The name Jacob has been in the U.S. Top 10 for the past 25 years, and in the U.S. Top 100 for the past 45 years. In the U.S in 2016 alone, there were 14,416 new baby boys named Jacob. My assumption is that not all of those Jacobs have been firstborns. My further assumption is that although a small number of people may be interested in name meanings and therefore think of “supplanter” when they hear the name, none of them think that meaning is the reason the name was given to the child, any more than they’d think that any of the 6,807 new U.S. baby boys in 2016 were named Cameron because their noses were crooked. I am a name hobbyist, my children have more than one friend named Jacob, and I have never once thought, “Eeek, supplanter, really??” Not even for the ones with older siblings.

You guys are struggling with names; you ADORE the name Jacob—but you can’t use it because it “means” supplanter? Name meanings can be fun, the way star signs and flower meanings can be fun, but this sort of situation is why I am not generally a fan of them: when the fun thing starts preventing people from making the choices they want to make, it stops being fun. The name Jacob is ancient, historical, traditional, a solid name for a person’s whole life—but someone decided it “meant” supplanter so now it’s off the table?

It isn’t even as if the meaning were an absolute thing. According to The Oxford Dictionary of First Names:

The derivation of the name has been much discussed. It is traditionally explained as being derived from Hebrew akev “heel” and to have meant “heel grabber,” because when Jacob was born “his hand took hold of Esau’s heel” (Genesis 25:26). This is interpreted later in the Bible as “supplanter”: Esau himself remarks, “Is he not rightly named Jacob? for he has supplanted me these two times” (Genesis 27:36).

You are going to give up the name you adore just because a few thousand years ago some peeved biblical character used wordplay to diss his brother? “Jacob” hardly even sounds like “akev”; and even if it was in fact the exact same word and we were discussing the use of the name Akev, “heel” is not a synonym for “supplanter.” The whole thing is ridiculous: Esau made some pissed-off joke and now, thousands of years later, parents think they have to cross a name off their list because of it? I won’t have it! Imagine thousands of years in our future, someone finding a book from our times in which someone made a joke about someone named Adam and the similar-sounding words “a damn,” and baby-name-book authors deciding the name Adam therefore “meant” damnation, and then parents deciding not to use the name because of it. No! We will not lose perfectly good names to this!

But if you can’t let it go, then my favorites from your list are Oliver, Gabriel, and Elliot: I think they all work very well with the sibling name Theodore. Samuel is good, too. Brady seems too modern/surnamey to me with Theodore.

I am not very concerned with the flow of first/middle names, especially when the middle name is an honor name: I think in time, the satisfaction of the honor name comes to outweigh any small sacrifice in ideal flow. I think all the names on the not-great-with-Edward list are fine or even good with Edward. If a combination doesn’t sit right with you, though, or if it prevents you from wanting to use the name, I suggest finding another honor name—perhaps from the list of names you can’t use because of having family members with the names. Or perhaps Timothy or Thomas would be good as a middle name, since that placement avoids the nicknames. I especially like the way the sound of Thomas lines up with the sound of Louis: Theodore Louis and Oliver Thomas, for example, or Theodore Louis and Elliot Thomas.

I recommend scrapping the practice of comparing each name choice with the name of your first child. Not only does it make sense that your first child’s name would have been your favorite name, and so logically you wouldn’t like any other names as much as that one; but also at this point that name is no longer a NAME, it’s a CHILD. No name can compare with that, not until it too represents a child you love so much. Don’t try to find a name you like as much as the name Theodore Louis; just try to pick your favorite name from all the names that remain.

This has been the kind of week that has me looking forward to Monday because things will get back to normal. Actually, things will not get back to normal until our new stove is delivered; until then we are cooking on a two-burner hotplate I ran to the store for.

Last night I had a dream that I was in the hospital and had just that day given birth to twin boys. The babies were being measured and cleaned up by the nurses while I rested in that happy “the delivery part is OVER!” state. Sometimes in dreams like this I then PANIC when I realize I haven’t yet come up with any names for the baby/babies—but in this dream it was a thrilling moment. I thought, “Oh!! I still have the whole fun NAMING part to do!!,” and I reached for a small yellow legal pad next to my bed and started making a list, thinking I would have to have Paul bring me my baby name books later. I wrote George, Oliver, Frederick, Charles, Miles—and as I was wondering if two names ending in -s would be a fun twin-name thing, I woke up.

I was disappointed to wake up so soon in the process. I tried to keep things going by pretending I really did have twin boys to name, but it was not the same. Still, it’s a fun activity for a Sunday! Let’s say you suddenly had already-born twin boys to name, so you needed to work fairly quickly: what would your list look like?

Hello, we are just over 6 months pregnant with a boy and having a hard time finding a name we love. Our last name is Raynard (rhymes with Leonard). We aren’t at all worried about a middle name since we have lots of great family names to choose from (Earnest, Hugh, MacLean, Charles), but want something non-familial for the first name. Here is what we have come up with so far:

Jared – strong/descending
Jasper – treasure keeper
Joshua – God of salvation
Watson – son of walter/warrior
Peter – rock
Scott – from Scotland
Henry (Hank) – house ruler
Levi – united/attached
Wyatt – warrior/water
Cyrus – the sun/throne
Simeon – God Hears
Loxley – glade by the lake
Griffin – strong of faith

We obviously care about the name not meaning anything ridiculous, but don’t care too much about the meaning as long as we like the sound. I also care a lot about what nickname they are going to have (example: I like Jonah, but not Joe). The major problem is that my husband runs a summer camp and we both have backgrounds as teachers, so we have met a LOT of children. It is hard not to associate names.

For some reason we have found girls’ names to be easier to agree on. Here is our list for girls:

Avery – ruler of elves
Charlotte (Charlie) – free man
Eleanor/Nora/Anora – light
Grace/Gracie – grace
Hannah – grace
Helen/Helena – bright light
Lilian – flower
Lucy – light
Miriam – wished-for child
Olivia – olive tree
Alice – noble
Betsy – pledged to God
Claire/Clara – bright/clear
Faith – faith
Catherine (Wren) – pure
Eilish – God’s promise/Noble

Thank you for any help you can provide!

I was scanning your boy-name list and I felt as if I had a handle on things until you surprised me with Loxley. I don’t think I have ever seen that name before. I looked it up in the Social Security Administration‘s database and I see it was used for 29 new baby girls in 2016; it is not in the database for boys, which means it was used for 0-4 new baby boys that year (it only shows up in the database for 5+ babies). In 2015 it was used for 20 new baby girls and 6 new baby boys. In 2014 it was used for 12 new baby girls, and is not in the database for baby boys; in 2013 it was used for 15 new baby girls, and is not in the database for baby boys. In 2012, it is not in the database at all. In 2011, there were 8 girls and 10 boys. I searched online and it seems to be a place name and a surname name and a video-game-character name.

Loxley seems to me like an outlier name for you: it doesn’t fit with the broad style categories all the other names fall into. This doesn’t mean at all that you shouldn’t use it; but if you plan on having more children and you like sibling names to coordinate, it’s a good idea to think ahead to make sure there are names you like as sibling names for Loxley. Paul and I loved the name Emerson if our firstborn had been a girl—but we are lucky namewise that our firstborn was a boy, because Emerson was a serious outlier name for us, and we would have had a very hard time with sibling names.

It’s hard to know what to do when parents are teachers/counselors/ministers and have a lot of associations with names. I think the tendency is to go unusual and look for a name that has no associations—but I think if it were me, I’d go for a common name so the associations would be very diluted. Like, I only know one Cyrus, so I think of him whenever I encounter the name; but I know quite a few Joshuas and don’t have any one strong association.

The name Simeon brings to mind the word simian; I wonder if you’d like the variant Simon? Or something like Finian?

I find Jared Reynard a little difficult to say—all those R’s and D’s, and the -red that almost but doesn’t quite match both the Reyn- and the -ard.

When Paul and I got to the point where we had a list of names we liked but didn’t have any that particularly stood out to us, we found it helpful to play name games. Especially since you have such a nice list of girl names, one game you could play is Build a Sibling Group: pick some of your favorite girl names and try each one with the names on your boy-name list and see if any of those combinations make you feel more strongly. Pair up some of the boy names to see what sounds good to you as brothers. It’s not at all that you’d be trying to actually choose sibling names ahead of time; it’s more a matter of seeing what appeals to you in a more general sense as you try to narrow things down.

Or we found a ranking/points system helpful. We took all the names on our list and ranked them—but multiple names could share the same ranking. So for example, let’s say you and your husband ranked your boy names and came up with these results:

Jared 2
Jasper 1
Joshua 1
Watson 1
Peter 2
Scott 4
Henry (Hank) 1
Levi 1
Wyatt 3
Cyrus 4
Simeon 5
Loxley 5
Griffin 2

Jared 4
Jasper 2
Joshua 3
Watson 1
Peter 4
Scott 4
Henry (Hank) 3
Levi 1
Wyatt 1
Cyrus 1
Simeon 4
Loxley 2
Griffin 3

In this example you’d be pretty safe in taking Scott off the list since you’ve both ranked it as a 4: it’s unlikely it would end up as #1. Simeon, with a 4 from one of you and a 5 from the other of you, could also go. But the name Watson got two 1s, and so did Levi, so those move to the top of the list; anything where one of you ranked it a 1 and the other ranked it a 2 can also get scooted up. Anything where one of you ranked it a 1 or 2 and the other ranked it a 4 or 5 is a name that one parent should probably start adjusting to the idea of losing. When two parents’ lists come out almost exactly opposite, the 2s and 3s can be a good area to look for agreement—but if the lists aren’t opposites, the 3s can often be removed as not likely to beat the 1s and 2s. (Pay attention to any feelings of unhappiness at removing a name in this way: that can be a clue that it hasn’t been ranked high enough on the list.)

Another good game is Name the Baby For a Day: each day, pick one name from the list and pretend it’s the name you’ve decided on. Refer to the baby by that name, and think about the name throughout the day. Doodle the name on a scratch pad, on its own and with the surname. Imagine saying, “This is my son, ______.” Imagine going to the pediatrician’s office and saying, “Hi, this is ______; we have an 11:00 appointment.” Imagine filling out the school registration paperwork. Do you get a little thrill or a feeling of warm satisfaction at the thought of the name, or do you find yourself avoiding it? Are you looking forward to certain names on the list having their turn?

I like playing with middle names, too: sometimes a first-middle pairing can make a first name stand out from the list. Maybe the name Peter seems Fine—but you pair it with MacLean and maybe it gives you that Wow feeling.

I also like the game of looking at the names on the girl list and seeing if any of them make me think of new options for boys. Sometimes these are obvious, such as seeing Charlotte and thinking of Charles, or seeing Olivia and thinking of Oliver; sometimes it’s thematic, such as seeing Miriam and thinking of Asher and Seth and Caleb and Isaac; sometimes it’s a more personal connection, like seeing Alice and thinking of Paul because of another sibling group you know, or because of a book you read.

Or I look at the boy name list and sort of let my eyes run over it and see if any names pop into my mind because of seeing certain sounds or letters or syllables that make me think of other names. Looking at your list, I think of Calvin, Elijah, Wesley, Paul, Harris, Lachlan, Simon, Everett, Elliot, Finn, Finian, Garrett, Oliver, Silas.

You have a little time still for a name to rise to Love status, or for you to find a new option that gives you that feeling. But also I want to reassure you that it’s okay if you never find anything you LOVE-love. I had some trouble getting really excited about boy names, and found I personally did better when I looked instead for a good solid choice to feel happy and satisfied with. This gave me the feeling (a feeling I believe is correct) that there were a number of good options that would all work well for my son, and all I had to do was choose the one I liked best at the moment. …Er, all WE had to do was choose the one that WE liked best. Ahem.

Having first girl after two boys. Boys names are Ford & Hudson, I like that they both sound preppy. I am very girly and like girly sounding pretty names. I am stuck between Charlotte and Everly, both sound so pretty to me just not sure what sounds better with the boys names? Husband and I are split down the middle, worry that Charlotte will get a nickname because its long and not a fan of that, really just love the full name Charlotte but and I being unrealistic it will eventually be shortened? Loved the name Everly since the moment I heard it, also love that it’s not as long and not as popular as Charlotte as it’s no fun being 1 of 3 in a class.

Thoughts, honest opinion, baby is due in a month May 2018!

Thank you!!!!!

For sibling-name compatibility in both style and popularity, I vote for Everly. It fits well with your preference for preppy and with your preference for pretty. Right now Charlotte is in the Top Ten and Everly is just outside the Top 100—though rising rather rapidly, considering how recently it entered the Top 1000:

(image from ssa.gov)

But it’s very common for parents to choose a different style for the boys in the family than for the girls in the family, so I don’t think Charlotte is at all jarring with the brother names, and in fact I very much like the sound of it; those three names together give me a pleasing Early American feel. I do think the name Charlotte lends itself well to nicknames—but it’s only two syllables long, and we are living in an age when it’s common for kids to be William and Abigail rather than Billy and Abby, so until she’s of the age to choose for herself if she wants a nickname, I think you won’t have much trouble getting her called by her full name. She may, however, decide she wants to be called Charlie or Lottie, so if you hate the nicknames then that’s another point in favor of Everly. On the other hand, Everly is three syllables to Charlotte’s two, and the nickname Evvie is a possibility.

Well, both names seem good to me in their own ways, so I am not much help! Let’s see what the commenters think.

Update (and photo) on Baby Boy Ch@nn, Brother to Riley

Hi Swistle!

I have a weird question. My boyfriend and I have very different naming styles. I like classic, but perhaps underused names like:

Beatrice
Alice
Frances

George
Arthur
Charles

(Basically, I like classic names that are currently coming back into fashion.)

My boyfriend, on the other hand, insists on “pre-Christian” names because he doesn’t feel comfortable with names that remind him of Western expansion. Here are some examples that he finds acceptable:

Freya
Sigurd
Artemis

Sigmund
Torvald
Aksel

I hope you can get a sense of our competing styles. Particularly for boys names, I am having difficulty finding any compromise names. Do you have suggestions?

We live in the US! Thank you!

Yes, I certainly do get a sense of your competing styles. And here is the problem: YOU are choosing baby names for babies born in your own country and time period; HE is choosing philosophies. It’s hard to see where compromise can get a foot in when it’s not “Hm, no, that one’s not really my style” but instead “Hm, no, that one reminds me of Western Expansion.” I can’t help with his naming style, or with whatever the issues are that underlie his style. Furthermore, I notice that the Acceptable names on his list are…not widely international.

My hope is that we are talking here about someone who is Quite Young, possibly a college student taking some classes that are really blowing his mind right now, and that there is still hope for this to be the kind of thing we all laugh about later. A friend of mine is married to a guy who during their dating years was set on animal names (Fox, Bear, Wolf, etc.) for all sons (he did not persist in this wish), and I have a good story about Paul wanting to name a daughter Fenchurch. Or maybe your boyfriend is a serious and thoughtful and well-intentioned global thinker who is trying really hard to do the right thing in every area of his life. Or maybe he just has this one funny little quirk that makes him look bad taken out of context like this. But this letter makes me want to ask you a bunch of follow-up questions about other philosophies of his and what else he considers acceptable/unacceptable, and then ask you earnestly if this is what you want for your life. I’m sorry: this isn’t the answer you were asking for. But your letter made my hands go cold and my mouth go dry. From time to time there have been other letters that have given me a similar reaction, but when the writer is already married and pregnant, it’s too late for there to be any point in me saying so.

Well. *brushes off hands* Let’s see if there are some among us who DO know about pre-Christian, non-Western-Expansion-related names and would be happy to finally have a chance to discuss them.

Update (and bunny-ears photo) on Baby Boy Trude11e, Brother to Miles and Claire

Hi Swistle,

I don’t need to ask for any personal name advice, but was wondering what advice you would give to Chip and Joanna Gaines, of Fixer Upper fame.

Their kids’ names follow a strict pattern thus far. Their boys have single-syllable names starting with D and including a “k” sound (Duke and Drake), and their girls have two-syllable “e” names with short middle names (Ella Rose [edited], Emmie Kay).

They’ve set themselves some pretty strict parameters; where do you think the Gaineses could go with them?

Would love to hear your thoughts, and perhaps I’ll get to write in with a name question of my own one day! (Although I’m getting married in 3 months, so I’m going one major life milestone at a time)

Meg

OH OKAY that sounds fun. Or rather, it’s fun as an outsider: I would not personally want to have to paint myself out of that naming corner.

I know they’ve revealed they’re having a boy, but let’s look at girl names anyway. Starting letter E, double letters, two syllables, and so far we have an -a ending and an -ie/-y/-ee ending. It would be nice to find another two-syllable E-name with double letters that are not -ll- or -mm-; even nicer would be a different ending sound, but we’ll see how that goes.

Ebba
Ecco
Eddi
Edee
Effie
Eileen
Erinn
Esmée
Estelle (double L, though)
Essie
Etta
Evette
Evonne
Evva
Evvie
Evvyn

Well. I think this is a good moment to reflect on why it can be a good idea during the baby-naming process to think ahead to future sibling names. None of these options is as familiar as Ella or Emmie, and some are very different in style. Some of them are kind of reaching, and some of them are REALLY reaching. Quite a few of them seem too similar to the sister names. And some of them make me uncomfortable to look at. If I had to choose from this list, my favorites are Esmée (with the EZZ-may pronunciation) and Etta, but I’m not particularly happy with either of those: Esmée seems confusingly similar to / different from Emmie, and Etta feels too similar to Ella both in look and sound.

But it’s not as if we’ve been given instructions by the parents to find another two-syllable E-name with double letters, so let’s expand the search. At this point I think the name ought to begin with E (not because of the two sister names starting with E, but because of two sister names starting with E AND two brother names starting with D), but we could drop or loosen one of the other preferences.

Edie
Erikka
Eva
Evelynn
Everlee

I feel as if it just CAN’T be another El- or Em- name, and that rules out…almost all of the E-names. I had Emersyn in this list at first, thinking the third syllable and different ending MIGHT make it different enough from Emmie for parents who don’t find Ella and Emmie too similar—but Emmie is such a natural nickname for Emersyn. Same problem with Ellisyn and Eleanor and Ellery and Emery and many others. If I had to choose from this list, my favorites are Eva and Evelynn, and I think I could be happy with either of those: they are similar enough in popularity and style to Ella/Emmie, while different enough in sound. I prefer Eva for the two syllables, and I prefer Evelynn for the new ending.

Let’s see if the boy-name search is any easier. Duke and Drake: both D-names, both one syllable, both ending in -ke.

Deke

That’s it, I think. But as with girl names, no one instructed us to find a name meeting all those preferences, so let’s see what we can find when we remove some of them.

Darian
Dash
Davis
Dawson
Dax
Deacon
Dean
Decker
Declan
Derek
Desmond/Dezi
Devin
Dex
Dirk
Dixon
Dodge
Dolan
Dominick
Donnelly
Donovan
Dover
Doyle
Duncan
Dylan

That was much easier. I spent probably a quarter the time finding boy names as I did finding girl names, and didn’t have to mess around as much with alternate spellings. I think they could go with a one-syllable thing: Duke, Drake, and Dash. Duke, Drake, and Dean. Or they could tie in the K-sound: Duke, Drake, and Decker. Duke, Drake, and Declan.

Update (and photo) on Baby Girl Leigh