Hello, we are just over 6 months pregnant with a boy and having a hard time finding a name we love. Our last name is Raynard (rhymes with Leonard). We aren’t at all worried about a middle name since we have lots of great family names to choose from (Earnest, Hugh, MacLean, Charles), but want something non-familial for the first name. Here is what we have come up with so far:

Jared – strong/descending
Jasper – treasure keeper
Joshua – God of salvation
Watson – son of walter/warrior
Peter – rock
Scott – from Scotland
Henry (Hank) – house ruler
Levi – united/attached
Wyatt – warrior/water
Cyrus – the sun/throne
Simeon – God Hears
Loxley – glade by the lake
Griffin – strong of faith

We obviously care about the name not meaning anything ridiculous, but don’t care too much about the meaning as long as we like the sound. I also care a lot about what nickname they are going to have (example: I like Jonah, but not Joe). The major problem is that my husband runs a summer camp and we both have backgrounds as teachers, so we have met a LOT of children. It is hard not to associate names.

For some reason we have found girls’ names to be easier to agree on. Here is our list for girls:

Avery – ruler of elves
Charlotte (Charlie) – free man
Eleanor/Nora/Anora – light
Grace/Gracie – grace
Hannah – grace
Helen/Helena – bright light
Lilian – flower
Lucy – light
Miriam – wished-for child
Olivia – olive tree
Alice – noble
Betsy – pledged to God
Claire/Clara – bright/clear
Faith – faith
Catherine (Wren) – pure
Eilish – God’s promise/Noble

Thank you for any help you can provide!

I was scanning your boy-name list and I felt as if I had a handle on things until you surprised me with Loxley. I don’t think I have ever seen that name before. I looked it up in the Social Security Administration‘s database and I see it was used for 29 new baby girls in 2016; it is not in the database for boys, which means it was used for 0-4 new baby boys that year (it only shows up in the database for 5+ babies). In 2015 it was used for 20 new baby girls and 6 new baby boys. In 2014 it was used for 12 new baby girls, and is not in the database for baby boys; in 2013 it was used for 15 new baby girls, and is not in the database for baby boys. In 2012, it is not in the database at all. In 2011, there were 8 girls and 10 boys. I searched online and it seems to be a place name and a surname name and a video-game-character name.

Loxley seems to me like an outlier name for you: it doesn’t fit with the broad style categories all the other names fall into. This doesn’t mean at all that you shouldn’t use it; but if you plan on having more children and you like sibling names to coordinate, it’s a good idea to think ahead to make sure there are names you like as sibling names for Loxley. Paul and I loved the name Emerson if our firstborn had been a girl—but we are lucky namewise that our firstborn was a boy, because Emerson was a serious outlier name for us, and we would have had a very hard time with sibling names.

It’s hard to know what to do when parents are teachers/counselors/ministers and have a lot of associations with names. I think the tendency is to go unusual and look for a name that has no associations—but I think if it were me, I’d go for a common name so the associations would be very diluted. Like, I only know one Cyrus, so I think of him whenever I encounter the name; but I know quite a few Joshuas and don’t have any one strong association.

The name Simeon brings to mind the word simian; I wonder if you’d like the variant Simon? Or something like Finian?

I find Jared Reynard a little difficult to say—all those R’s and D’s, and the -red that almost but doesn’t quite match both the Reyn- and the -ard.

When Paul and I got to the point where we had a list of names we liked but didn’t have any that particularly stood out to us, we found it helpful to play name games. Especially since you have such a nice list of girl names, one game you could play is Build a Sibling Group: pick some of your favorite girl names and try each one with the names on your boy-name list and see if any of those combinations make you feel more strongly. Pair up some of the boy names to see what sounds good to you as brothers. It’s not at all that you’d be trying to actually choose sibling names ahead of time; it’s more a matter of seeing what appeals to you in a more general sense as you try to narrow things down.

Or we found a ranking/points system helpful. We took all the names on our list and ranked them—but multiple names could share the same ranking. So for example, let’s say you and your husband ranked your boy names and came up with these results:

Jared 2
Jasper 1
Joshua 1
Watson 1
Peter 2
Scott 4
Henry (Hank) 1
Levi 1
Wyatt 3
Cyrus 4
Simeon 5
Loxley 5
Griffin 2

Jared 4
Jasper 2
Joshua 3
Watson 1
Peter 4
Scott 4
Henry (Hank) 3
Levi 1
Wyatt 1
Cyrus 1
Simeon 4
Loxley 2
Griffin 3

In this example you’d be pretty safe in taking Scott off the list since you’ve both ranked it as a 4: it’s unlikely it would end up as #1. Simeon, with a 4 from one of you and a 5 from the other of you, could also go. But the name Watson got two 1s, and so did Levi, so those move to the top of the list; anything where one of you ranked it a 1 and the other ranked it a 2 can also get scooted up. Anything where one of you ranked it a 1 or 2 and the other ranked it a 4 or 5 is a name that one parent should probably start adjusting to the idea of losing. When two parents’ lists come out almost exactly opposite, the 2s and 3s can be a good area to look for agreement—but if the lists aren’t opposites, the 3s can often be removed as not likely to beat the 1s and 2s. (Pay attention to any feelings of unhappiness at removing a name in this way: that can be a clue that it hasn’t been ranked high enough on the list.)

Another good game is Name the Baby For a Day: each day, pick one name from the list and pretend it’s the name you’ve decided on. Refer to the baby by that name, and think about the name throughout the day. Doodle the name on a scratch pad, on its own and with the surname. Imagine saying, “This is my son, ______.” Imagine going to the pediatrician’s office and saying, “Hi, this is ______; we have an 11:00 appointment.” Imagine filling out the school registration paperwork. Do you get a little thrill or a feeling of warm satisfaction at the thought of the name, or do you find yourself avoiding it? Are you looking forward to certain names on the list having their turn?

I like playing with middle names, too: sometimes a first-middle pairing can make a first name stand out from the list. Maybe the name Peter seems Fine—but you pair it with MacLean and maybe it gives you that Wow feeling.

I also like the game of looking at the names on the girl list and seeing if any of them make me think of new options for boys. Sometimes these are obvious, such as seeing Charlotte and thinking of Charles, or seeing Olivia and thinking of Oliver; sometimes it’s thematic, such as seeing Miriam and thinking of Asher and Seth and Caleb and Isaac; sometimes it’s a more personal connection, like seeing Alice and thinking of Paul because of another sibling group you know, or because of a book you read.

Or I look at the boy name list and sort of let my eyes run over it and see if any names pop into my mind because of seeing certain sounds or letters or syllables that make me think of other names. Looking at your list, I think of Calvin, Elijah, Wesley, Paul, Harris, Lachlan, Simon, Everett, Elliot, Finn, Finian, Garrett, Oliver, Silas.

You have a little time still for a name to rise to Love status, or for you to find a new option that gives you that feeling. But also I want to reassure you that it’s okay if you never find anything you LOVE-love. I had some trouble getting really excited about boy names, and found I personally did better when I looked instead for a good solid choice to feel happy and satisfied with. This gave me the feeling (a feeling I believe is correct) that there were a number of good options that would all work well for my son, and all I had to do was choose the one I liked best at the moment. …Er, all WE had to do was choose the one that WE liked best. Ahem.