Hello Swistle!

I would love your help in tackling our babies(!)-naming issue. We’re having identical twin girls in September. My husband and I are really struggling to pick out two perfect names and I’m starting to get stressed out.

We have a 2 year old daughter named Evelyn (and we call her Evie, pronounced eh-vee). Our last name is DeMattia.

Before Evie, we always loved the name Luca, but we decided to keep it in case we had a boy. Here we are having 2 more girls (no more kids after this!), and we’ve decided we want to use Luca for one of the girls. So Luca is pretty much set. Now to find a name that goes with both Evie and Luca.

Here are the names we currently have in the running (top 4 being our favorites, others we like enough and could be happy with them):

Luca & Leigh
Luca & Livi
Luca & Emma
Luca & Emilia
Luca & Laine
Luca & Layne
Luca & Cate
Luca & Sophia
Luca & Reese

Leigh – we struggle with is it too plain? Seems more like a middle name. Is it too feminine in opposition to Luca (traditionally male Italian name)
Livi – we love this, and it’s 4 letters like Luca, but it’s probably too close to Evie. We could be set on this, but I don’t think we can do it since it’s so close.
Emma – is it too common and feminine, compared to Luca, which is not at all common for a girl? Love that it’s 4 letters, and like the looks of it with Luca.
Emilia – love the looks of this with Luca, but it seems like people pronounce it very differently. Is it too complicated of a name when you’re dealing with twins, especially? We like the uniqueness of this name.
Laine/Layne – Husband and I like different spellings.
Cate – like Leigh, is this too plain, especially with Luca? I like that Luca ends in “ca” and Cate begins in “Ca”
Sophia – too common?
Reese – does it work with Luca?

Would love your thoughts!

Many thanks,
Jordyn DeMattia (husband is Adam)

Normally when parents write and say they’ve decided X and want help with Y, I don’t like to go messing around with X because it’s not what we’ve been asked. But sometimes it seems to me as if X is the very thing making Y so difficult.

In this case, it seems to me as if the decision to name one daughter Luca is what’s making the whole naming decision so hard. And the fact that you had decided to save the name Luca for a boy, and are using it now for a girl because you won’t be having any boys, feels like an iffy reason to use it. It is possible that it would be better to add Luca to your Sad You Can’t Use It list (a list most of us have), just as you would have if your favorite boy name had been Benjamin or Jacob. But it’s also possible that I should back off from this issue, because your question is not really “What should we name the twins?” but more “What should we name Luca’s twin?”

I guess I will push on for the moment and suggest that, as an exercise, you pretend that the name Luca dropped out of the running for some reason—like, pretend a friend of yours had a baby girl this morning and named her Luca, and now you didn’t want to use the name. Then think afresh about what you would want to name the twins. Does that in any way clear things up? That is, do you immediately make several combinations you love, and feel happy and relaxed about the decision and no longer in need of help? Then I would conclude that it was the name Luca that was clogging up your process. But if not, if instead you are now doubly stuck because now you need TWO names, then I’d conclude that the name Luca was not necessarily the issue and we should continue on with your original question.

Which is what I will do now. Let’s go through the combinations one by one:

Luca and Leigh. I don’t think Leigh is too feminine with Luca, and in fact I think it’s a nice unisex option: the spelling Leigh has been used more often for girls in the U.S., and the spelling Lee has been used more often for boys, but both spellings are unisex. I enjoy twin names with something in common such as matching initials, so for me that’s an extra point in this combination’s favor. [Edited to add: Commenter Bff mentions that “Luca and Leigh” is quite similar to “Luke and Leia.” I think this rules out the combination for me.]

Luca and Livi. I definitely think Livi is too close to Evie. Also that in this sibling group, Livi feels like a nickname.

Luca and Emma. The popularity gap is startling here: according to the Social Security Administration, the name Emma has been in the Top Ten most popular names for girls for the last sixteen years, and it’s been the very most popular girl name for the last four years. Meanwhile the name Luca has not even been in the Top THOUSAND for girls. The name Luca was #130 for boys in 2017, so in this sibling group we’d have two girls with very common and feminine names currently used almost exclusively for girls, and one girl with a unisex name used much more often for boys. That doesn’t sit well with me.

Luca and Emilia. I am not aware of multiple pronunciations of Emilia; I pronounce it like Amelia but with more of an Eh than an Ah at the beginning. The spelling has a somewhat exotic/international feeling to me, which is very nice with Luca. I do think spelling would be a constant issue (as it is with many names), but not at all at a level where I’d cross the name off the list. One hesitation is that “Emilia DeMattia” feels tongue-tangling to me. I am also still not happy with having two names used almost exclusively for girls and one name used more often for boys.

Luca and Laine/Layne. As with Leigh, I like the unisex aspect of this pairing. Would you consider compromising on Lane? It’s nice the way both names would have four letters. Luca and Lane.

Luca and Cate. I like the matching -ca/Ca- too. But the name Cate/Kate feels so so so common compared to Luca. As a given name, Cate/Kate never got out of hand—but the name Caitlin/Katelyn gave us a saturated market. And there was a time when it seemed as if every single book had a Kate in it: it was such a perfect Everywoman name. Still, it’s a great name, and the Cate spelling looks so nice with Luca.

Luca and Sophia. Similar to my issues with Emma: the name Sophia has been in the Top Ten most popular names for girls for the last twelve years, and it spent three of those years at number one. Again, this gives us a sibling group with two feminine names used almost exclusively for girls and one unisex name used much more often for boys. Spelling it Sofia would give it an international appeal I like with Luca, but I still don’t like the imbalance.

Luca and Reese. I think this works nicely, and I like the unisex nature of Reese.

So let’s see. Your top favorites were Leigh, Livi, Emma, and Emilia. I would certainly cross Livi and Emma off the list, if it were up to me. [Edited to add: as above, I would now also cross off Leigh.] I would nudge Lane and Reese higher up the list.

Here’s another moment when I would suggest checking in with your preferences. Are you finding your happiness levels decreasing as we go along here? Are the names that work well with Luca mostly names you wouldn’t be considering except that you’re looking for something to go with Luca? If the name Luca were out of the running, would all of your favorites be names used almost exclusively for girls? If yes and yes and yes, I’d again suggest the possibility of thinking “Luca would have been our favorite name if we’d had a boy—but we didn’t have a boy” and starting over with names you love for girls. But if unisex names such as Reese and Lane and Leigh were on your list with your first daughter’s name, too, then I’d lean toward those this time around.

I will also add here that I think the search for two “perfect” names is unnecessary, and may be unnecessarily stressing you out. Your only job is to find two serviceable, useful names, ideally names both of you like a lot.

Name update:

Thank you Swistle and readers for your insight and suggestions on names for our twin girls!

After lots of consideration, we had the names narrowed down to:
Luca and Leigh
Luca and Laine

However, we just couldn’t decide which to go with, neither felt 100% right. So, we went back to the drawing board late one night, and magically came up with completely different names we loved, but had never considered before!

Our girls are:
Chloe Leigh
Callie Wren
(And big sister Evelyn Grace (Evie))

So although we still love the name Luca, it will remain on our “Sad You Can’t Use It List.”

Dear Swistle,

Hello! You helped us name our first baby (Beatrix Dare, nn Bix/Bixie, for whom we considered the name Aviatrix until y’all talked us out of it) and we’re back again for help with her sister, due in December. I’m falling prey to all the second baby how-to-live-up-to-the-first’s-name problems, and I know that it’s because Beatrix is now a person and not just a name, but I just keep feeling like I haven’t found IT yet, despite my endless research. Like, is there just a name I haven’t seen/thought of yet that’s perfect, or am I overthinking? As a refresher, our last name sounds like muh-HALF-fee, and the kid will have my wife’s maiden name as a second middle, so sounding like First Middle MAC-irish muh-HALF-fee.

The thing that sold me on Beatrix was the nickname Bix. We’re very nicknamey people, and I love a longer name with an unusual nn, preferably those kicky early 20th century-ish ones, like Kit/Birdie/Goldie, or something else that sounds like she’s a character in the Great Gatsby or maybe a wild west show? I also love a nature name and/or a word name and/or a very unusual name (hence my trying to make Aviatrix happen.) I’m okay with explaining a name – I thought Beatrix was safe, but I have to say “No, Beatrix, with an x” or “No, Bixie, like Dixie with a b” almost every time she introduces herself.

Currently in the running for firsts:
Opal (nn Ollie, b/c wife vetoed Opie)
Eilish (AY-lish, not EYE-lish, nn Ailey, like the dance company!)
Arden (nn???)
Juniper (nn Junie)
Avis (Mostly just to get to nn Birdie, but I don’t hate it as a name. We’ve also considered and nixed Paloma, Columba, Sparrow and Wren to get to Birdie)
Orlaith (OR-la, nn Goldie. Also considered Aurelia to get to Goldie)
Verity (nn?? Wife likes this one.)
Vesper (nn?)
Cedar (Wife doesn’t like nn CeCe)
Zora (nn Zosie)

Currently in the running for middles:
Salem
Nova
Bess (kind of an oblique honor name for several Elizabeth in our lives)
Jubilee
Maeve
Avalon
Swift
Astra/Estrella (her fetus name is Twinkle, so the wife likes star names)

The wife has unfortunately nixed my favorite, Wells; it’s nature/word name, badass female author name, kinda unisex, etc. Ticks all my buttons, but she’s not sold. We also like but can’t use Clementine, Ramona or Audre. The only name we agreed solidly upon so far is Juniper, mainly b/c she doesn’t love coming up with names and basically just wants veto power (which I’m fine with, she’s doing the hard work of growing the kid!). I like Juniper a lot, but I already know/know of 3 little Junipers just in my circle. This was one of the reasons Bix didn’t end up a Hazel, b/c the name just seemed to explode in popularity.

So, can you help us? Any cool/unusual nicknames you can think of or obvious nature/word/lady-adventurer names I’m missing? We’d appreciate anything you can come up with. Thanks and have a great day!

I just recently read Practical Magic, in which one of the aunts is named Bridget, called Jet. I’ve also seen Jet used as a nickname for Juliet(te). I like the way those parallel your first child’s name: a familiar but not overused first name with an unexpected cool nickname.

Other favorites of mine, but with nicknames not as distinctive as Bix: Winifred/Freddie and Frances/Frankie (or Francesca/Frankie). Beatrix and Winifred; Bix and Freddie. Beatrix and Frances; Bix and Frankie. Beatrix and Francesca; Bix and Frankie. (I read a book long ago that used Chess as a nickname for Francesca; I liked that while I was reading the book, but when I was talking about it to someone else, they thought I said “Chest” and that ruined it for me.)

Some of the names on your list seem to me to be good matches for the name Bix or for the name Aviatrix, but not as good with the name Beatrix. Wells, for example: Bix and Wells is terrific, but the style gap between Beatrix and Wells makes it sound like a sister/brother pair. Vesper and Cedar would both be interesting candidates to consider with Aviatrix, but “Beatrix and Cedar” would be another surprising sister pairing. Eilish and Orlaith are a big leap in difficulty/hassle as well as uncommonness/unfamiliarity. (And I had to look up the meaning of the name Orlaith to figure out how the name Goldie connected.) And Zora feels like a cool Zena sidekick, or a space princess (or BOTH!); Bix and Zora is an awesome space-princess warrior team (please someone start writing a script for that), but Beatrix and Zora feels like a there’s been an abrupt change in naming style, or that the parents’ naming style is “cool letters like X and Z and Q” (a perfectly legit style, but not as layered as yours).

The strongest candidates, I think, are Opal, Arden, Avis, and Verity. The first three in particular feel like contemporaries of Beatrix: names that have fallen out of common usage, but could definitely be the names of women in a historical novel.

…Well, I’ll be danged: in looking up the usage of those names, I find Zora in use in the early 1900s. The available data starts in 1900, where the name Zora is at #338 (99 new U.S. baby girls given the name that year); it never makes it higher than that, but doesn’t fall out of the Top 1000 until 1940. That goes to show you how an individual person’s impressions of a name can fail to line up with the actual usage: here I am assuming a modern/futuristic name when I should have been imagining historical novels (which doesn’t rule out the name having a resurgence in the time of space princesses, if you’re working on that script already). The name Zora was MORE common than Arden for early-1900s ladies, as was the name Zena. ZENA! I’m going to put up a 24-hour Twitter poll to collect more of an assortment of impressions before I publish this post; it’s not exactly scientific since I’m setting the answers, but I want to find out how other people see the name. …Okay, it is 24 hours later and I can put the poll here and finish this post!

A number of people responded that their own impression of the name was evenly split between early 1900s and space princess.

I wonder if there is still hope for the name Wells, since it’s your favorite and it goes so nicely with Bix. Perhaps Wilhelmina/Willemina/Willa/Willow/Jewel, nickname Wells? I particularly like Willa. Beatrix and Willa; Bix and Wells. Wills seems like the more natural nickname, but I don’t like the sound of Bix and Wills as much. And thinking of Wills as more natural might be enough to ruin Wells for me: once it feels as if it OUGHT to be Wills, Wells starts to feel forced.

For Arden, I’d be tempted by the nickname Arlo. Or Denny could be cute. I know a girl nicknamed Dinny, and it doesn’t seem at first glance as if it would work but it has worn well with time. It has some of the sound of Denny/Danny and some of the sound of Ginny.

The cute/clever nickname for Verity would be True. Beatrix and Verity; Bix and True.

I am more inclined, though, to look for cool nicknames that go with the letters/sounds of the given name, as with Beatrix/Bix: that is, Marigold/Goldie rather than Orlaith/Goldie, Gertrude/True rather than Verity/True. I am not good at discovering fresh versions of those (e.g., I knew Bea and Trixie as nicknames for Beatrix, but would not on my own have thought of Bix), so I am hoping readers have more suggestions. I will list some of the ones I’ve heard of, mixed with more familiar options; I will include options that won’t work in your particular case (such as Rebecca/Bex), so that we’ll have a more complete list for later reference:

Adelaide/Della/Del/Lady
Arlene/Arlo
Augusta/Gus/Gussie
Bernadette/Bennie/Birdie
Birgitta/Birdie
Bridget/Birdie/Jet
Caroline/Caro
Constance/Consie
Eleanor/Lennie
Eloise/Lola
Florence/Flossie
Frances/Frankie
Francesca/Frankie
Genevieve/Vivi
Georgia/George/Georgie
Gertrude/True/Trudy/Gertie
Guinevere/Vera
Gwendolyn/Dolly
Harriet/Hattie
Henrietta/Hettie
Imogen/Midge/Moe
Isadora/Zadie
Jocelyn/Joss
Josephine/Jo/Posy
Judith/Jude
Juliet/Jet
Katherine/Kick/Kiki/Kit
Lorelei/Rory
Louise/Lulu/Lou/Louie
Marigold/Goldie
Maureen/Moe
Millicent/Millie
Miriam/Mim
Naomi/Mimi
Nicoletta/Cole
Penelope/Pip/Nell
Philippa/Pippa
Rebecca/Bex
Rosamund/Romy
Rosemary/Romy/Rory
Susannah/Nan/Sukie
Theodora/Teddie
Violet/Lettie
Virginia/Ginny
Winifred/Freddie

I’m hoping there can be lots of additions to this list in the comments section. I know I’ve heard more nicknames of the Beatrix/Bix and Juliet/Jet type—names where I would not have thought of them myself, but when someone else thinks of them they seem fresh and appealing and give the name new life.

At some point, my own preference is to go ahead and use the nickname you want to use with whatever given name you like best, instead of trying to backfind a given name that makes the nickname work. For example, if you want Birdie, I don’t think you need to try to find a bird- or bird-related given name; writer Catherine Newman has a daughter named Abigail, called Birdy. If you want Goldie, I don’t think you have to go for names with a little-known connection to gold; you can instead name her Margaret or Geneva or Millicent or Katherine and then say “But we call her Goldie.” If anyone pursues it (and for the most part, people don’t care very deeply about other people’s names), you can say, “She just always seemed like a Goldie!” or “It just sort of happened!” or even “We loved the nickname but not any of the names that led to it, so [*mighty shrug*]” or WHATEVER you can say briefly and cheerfully. I think this works best when the given name is more familiar/traditional: for example, I probably wouldn’t name her Vesper but then call her Goldie, because that seems like Too Much For One Name. But a Margaret called Goldie has the familiar feeling of all those boarding school girls named Elizabeth or Mary Katherine and called Bunty or Kipper. I also think it works best if there is at least one strong sound in common: that is, I think Margaret/Goldie works better than Katherine/Goldie, because of the G in Margaret.

That’s unless you PREFER the Orlaith/Goldie and Avis/Birdie type connections. Those can be fun, too. I only mean I don’t think you HAVE to do that to get the nickname you want.

Name update:

Hi Swistle,
The baby I wrote you about turned one today (whoops, time kinda got away with me there!) but I wanted to send y’all an update. Thanks hugely for everyone’s amazing ideas, it was so fun to read through them again. We agreed most on the name Opal, and went to the hospital leaning toward Opal Maeve, nickname Omie (a compromise since her initials would be OMMM and the wife hates the way Opie sounds). However, during her (long, complicated) labor, my wife used a star outside as a focus through her contractions, and once the baby was here suggested we use Vesper for her middle. Sounded perfect to me (plus, you don’t say no to a woman who just spent more than a day bringing life into the world) so Opal Vesper joined our family on a chilly morning last December. She’s sunniest kid I’ve ever met, and we adore her utterly. We kept the nickname Omie, mostly just b/c we liked it, and technically her initials still spell OM. Here’s a picture of her around 6 mos. Thanks again!
Meigh

PS, our older daughter has a classmate called Catriona, nn Catch, that I think would fall right in with the cool nickname list you’ve got going!

Hi Swistle,

Long time reader, first time writer here.

I’m due with my second in September. We don’t know the sex. We have a daughter, who has the same name as the main character in My Fair Lady.

We chose names really easily and early this time, which is perhaps why I’m having second thoughts! The baby will have my husband’s last name – European name that starts with a Van and my last name as a second middle name. Middle name will be Belle or Mary if a girl and either Willard or Cyriel if a boy.

For a girl we were settled on one of Mazie/Maisie/Maizie/Maisy, but now I can’t decide how to spell it. I’m also concerned that I’m going to endlessly be having to spell out her name regardless of how I choose. I think I’d like to minimize this, but maybe I don’t care!

When I look it up on baby name wizard I can see that Mazie is the only one that’s been in the top 1000, so I think that makes it the traditional spelling. However, I suspect that Maisy or Maisie were commonly used as nicknames for Margaret, which complicates things.

I like that Mazie has 5 letters and includes a ‘z’, like my daughter’s name.

So I guess I’m looking for some alternate opinions on which spelling may be misspelt the least, or perhaps some reassurance that it doesn’t really matter. Or maybe I should just start over!

I also really love the name Frankie for a little girl, but hubby is lukewarm about it. We don’t agree on many girl’s names.

The name we have chosen for a boy is Frederick, but I tend to think of names in my head phonetically and now I’m wondering if I’d be better off spelling it Fredrik, which is how I would like to pronounce it. I like nicknames and will probably call him Freddie, if it’s a boy that is.

I’m hoping you and your readers can help me make a decision!

Thanks,

Alyssa

For me personally (this will of course vary from person to person because of our varied experiences), the spellings I am most familiar with are Maisy (from the cartoon mouse books/show) and Maisie (from I don’t know where, but my feeling is old-timey novels).

I am separately familiar with the grain-word “maize.” I find that the z-spellings of the name bring that word to mind.

Maisy is my own favorite spelling, undoubtedly because of the nice little mouse, and also because it looks like Daisy and so is easy for me to remember how to spell it. If easy spelling is a priority, this is the one I’d pick, because I could say, “Maisy: like Daisy, but with an M.”

The Oxford Dictionary of First Names lists only Maisie as its own entry, with Maisy listed as a variant spelling.

Current U.S. usage looks like this according to the Social Security Administration (2017 data; including spellings used for at least 25 babies):

Maisie 594
Maisy 178
Mazie 124
Maizie 90
Maizy 60
Mayzie 55
Maisey 44
Maizey 34
Maizee 32

I do think you will have to spell it constantly, but I have to spell my name (Kristen) constantly: some names are just like that. Picking one of the most common spellings will help, but people still sometimes guess mine as Cristin or whatever, and it’s fine: I know there are a lot of ways to spell my name. However, if you are someone who thinks of names phonetically, I wonder if you’d be happier with a name with a spelling that comes immediately to your mind, or with a name that has only one familiar spelling—and ideally, a name where those two things unite, as with your daughter’s name.

This seems like a good moment for a poll. The poll thing on my blog no longer works, so we are now giving Twitter polls a try: https://twitter.com/Swistle/status/1022828579216863240. It will only let me do four options, so I will do the four you mention—which, happily, are also the four most commonly used in the U.S. as of 2017. People who want to choose another option will have to say so in the comments; it is not a perfect system, but it is what we’ve got. [Poll closed; see results below:]

As for Frederick/Fredrik, I have in general such a preference for traditional/familiar spellings (and especially when the first child has a traditionally-spelled name), it’s hard for me to even turn my mind to it. Here is the 2017 U.S. usage:

Frederick 580
Fredrick 149
Frederic 47
Fredrik 20
Fredric 13
Frederik 10

If Fredrik is the dominant spelling in another country, you could use that as your reasoning; bonus points if it’s a country of ancestry for either of you. Or the spelling Fredrick would let you say “It’s like Fred plus Rick.” Otherwise, again, I wonder if you would be happier in the long run finding a name where the spelling in your head is the same as the usual spelling.

Name update:

Thank you Swistle for posting our question, you and your readers gave us a lot to consider!

Our baby girl, Maisie Belle, arrived September 28th. We are so in love and she fits her name perfectly!

Thanks so much for your help!

Hello,

I’m due in late fall with my second daughter and my husband and I can’t seem to agree on a name for her. I think part of the problem is the fact that our first daughter’s name was decided upon so easily and has a strong significance for us and this time it feels more difficult and less special. Ann “Annie” was named after someone who supported us through infertility treatment and my middle name is also Ann, so it seemed perfect. Annie’s middle name is my mother’s first, baby #2’s middle name will be my MIL’s first name so we don’t need to do an honor first name. If baby number two would have been a boy, his first name would have been Paul.

Our last name complicates things, for me at least. It sounds like Fight-Iss with a W instead of F. I find that the strong two syllables of the last name don’t flow well with a two syllable first. Names that end in ‘s’ also don’t flow well. This has eliminated some that we’ve liked, including Iris, Lois and Edith.

We have a few names that we do agree on but can’t use for one reason or another based on family strife or people close to us using the name recently:
Ruth (this would be THE name, but we absolutely can not use it)
Mary
June
Opal
Jane (too similar to Ann for me)
Margaret
Julie
Eve (we are worried it is too close to other popular names like Ava and Evelyn)

Names my husband likes that I don’t:
Vera
Sylvia
Mae

Names I like that my husband doesn’t:
Rose (I love this but he thinks it is too frilly, while I find it simple yet elegant. However, it does seem to be quickly gaining popularity where we live)
Sara
Miriam
Hope

Names we both like but aren’t convinced on yet:
Helen (we both like that it sounds strong but for some reason I think it sounds similar to Ann. My family also does not care for it)
Joan “Jo” (we both like the nickname Jo but do not care for longer versions like Josephine or Jolene)
Liza (I’m worried it is too similar to Eliza, which seems popular where we live)

I’d like to find a name that is not in the top 100 and that goes well with our daughter’s. Annie’s name seems so special to me and I never want our future daughter to feel like we settled on her name. We likely won’t have more children so we don’t need to worry about finding additional complimentary names moving forward.

I appreciate any help you can offer!

Oh, I just love Joan. That’s the one that leapt out at me. Ann and Joan, Annie and Jo.

It is not at all uncommon for parents to have trouble finding a name for a second child that seems as special as the name of the first child. Part of this is the obvious explanation that parents would of course tend to use the best, favorite, most-special name first, and so, unavoidably, any subsequent names will be less best, less favorite, less-special. Another part is that by the time parents are naming a second child, the first child’s name has WELDED to the first child: it is no longer a name, it is THE CHILD. No mere name can possibly hope to measure up to that, not until the second child is born and their name has welded similarly to them.

In your particular case, you used a special significant honor first name for your first child, and you’re not planning to use an honor first name this time, so it’s natural that the name would feel less special. I like to think about families who have a naming tradition for the firstborn but not for subsequent children: clearly things aren’t balanced, and yet I don’t hear much from siblings who are peeved their older brother/sister got the special honor name. I’m sure they exist, because if there is a thing to be peeved about, you can be sure someone somewhere is peeved about it; but it’s not a common, regular thing where we all know a grown adult who is angry that their older sibling got a tradition/honor name and they didn’t. We’re familiar with the idea that sometimes there is only one naming tradition in the family, or only one honor name the parents wanted to use.

An obvious fix here would be to find another special significant honor first name, but my guess is that this is an idea you have considered and rejected already. It may be an idea to go back to, if you continue to find yourself unhappy with the difference. I don’t think you need to worry that the child will feel less special over this, especially if you tell the naming stories with equal love and enthusiasm (“We used your name because we just LOVED it, it was our FAVORITE, we just thought it was SO cool/beautiful/classic/etc.!” is a great naming story too). But if it bothers YOU, that is a good reason to see what can be done. The nice thing about the name Ann is that it is ancient and traditional and likely to go beautifully with many, many names from the family tree or from history.

From your can’t-use list, I particularly like Ruth, June, and Jane. From your husband’s list, my favorite is Mae, but I prefer the spelling May with Ann. From your list, my favorite is Rose. From your joint list, my favorite is Joan—and that’s my favorite from all the lists. I would add:

Elaine
Ellen
Irene
Jean
Jill
Joy
Kay
Laura
Leah
Leigh
Lynn
Maeve
Marie
Polly
Sally

I know you said two-syllable names don’t flow well for you, but I left those in anyway in case they’d be of use to someone else, or in case I can persuade you.

I particularly like Sally. Annie and Sally. Darling. Polly is just as darling, and is similar to your boy-name choice Paul.

I also love Leigh and Lynn. I find they have the same unexpected feeling of names such as Ann and John: they’re familiar names the eye can skip across in the naming book, but there’s a fresh surprise when we encounter them on a child. Annie and Leigh, Annie and Lynn.

And I would love to encounter a baby Jill or Kay.

Jane doesn’t seem to similar to Ann to me, but I think June or Jean reduces the similarity. Joan is still my favorite from that group.

Name update:

I wanted to update now that our little girl has arrived. After much thought, we decided to go with Ruth “Ruthie” Christine. My MIL had pushed back due to a family issue but ended up being touched by the name, saying she hoped it appeased any family drama. We also love that Ruth shares a name with Ruth Bader Ginsburg, a strong woman we both admire. Thanks for all the help and input of your readers!

Hi Swistle!

I have been reading your blog for years, from the time I was unmarried and definitely not considering naming a child to present, where I am 19 weeks pregnant and undecided on a name! My husband and I are expecting a baby boy in November, and we are thrilled! However, we’re stuck on names and I’d love your input. My husband’s surname is Whit (with an e at the end, like the color) and the baby will take his name. Another thing is that the baby will definitely have 2 middle names; my husband does and his father does, too (their middle names are the first names of both of their grandfathers, which I love).

We have a similar naming style: classic, easily recognizable, not overly popular (not top 10), and we particularly like names that lend themselves well to nicknames.

Our top pick had always been Finley (we’ve talked about names for our kids for years). There are two “problems”: 1) it’s his grandfather’s name, so we have agreed that the 2 middle names would come from my side, since first and last would be his… this is fine but breaks the cool pattern of grandfather middle names, and 2) we have a friend who named his son Griffin, and the parents call him “Fin” for short. Obviously, a Finley would also have Fin as a nickname… The full name would be Finley David (my dad) Ru$$ (my mom’s maiden name) Whit (with an e at the end).

Because of those two things, and because I overthink everything and want to make sure I’ve left no name unturned, we have not yet settled on that name.

Here’s the rest of our shortlist.
Lincoln
Harrison
Jameson
Emerson
Quinn
Ulysses (*husband loves this, obviously a bit out there compared to the rest of the naming style; nn Lee)
Russell
Henry
Malcolm
Ian

(middles names for any of these would be David Dinsm00r)

I am wondering if my qualms with Finley are overstated, and whether there are any names that we are not thinking of that go with this list/naming style. I bought the baby name wizard and we have poured over it quite a bit, most of these names came from there.

Would love your input and that of your commenters!!

Thank you!

I wanted to make sure I understood the grandfather/middle-name issue, so I got more information from the letter-writer:

Finley was my husband’s grandfather, so I guess I felt a bit like it would be fair to give “my” side two names if we did his grandfather’s as the first and then his surname. Dinsm00r is my husband’s father, so if we came up with a different first name the two middle names would be David and Dinsm00r. Since writing, we have continued to think a lot about Finley David Ru$$ White, where David is my dad and Ru$$ is my mom’s maiden name. That makes the entire name an honor name which gives me some pause as we probably wouldn’t have so many honor names for a future child – boy or girl.

I agree: if the first name ends up being a name from your husband’s side, it definitely makes sense to use two names from your side as middles, and I like your solution. Another option would be to use your father’s name and one of your grandfathers’ names, or both of your grandfathers’ names, but I greatly prefer your idea of bringing your mother’s name into it.

I see what you mean about using so many honor names for one child. Would that make you feel pressured to do something similar for future children? It’s not uncommon for the firstborn to have a different name situation than the other children, but it’s good to consider ahead of time if you want that or not. You could decide that the firstborn boy has his grandfathers’ names, the firstborn girl has her grandmothers’ names, and the rest of the children have a different system. Or you could give all the boys the same two middle names and all the girls the same two middle names—perhaps with the order swapped back and forth, so for example the second boy would be ______ Dinsm00r David Whit.

Would you want to consider saving Finley for a future child? It risks losing a chance to use the name, but it could solve all your issues in one swoop if you’re not planning to do the same middle name tradition for subsequent children. The firstborn could then follow the naming tradition and have both his grandfathers’ names, the secondborn could have the honor name Finley and not run into problems with middle names, and it would put more distance between your friend’s Fin and yours.

Another option, though it also involves risk, is to go ahead and use Finley David Dinsm00r for this child, but use three honor names from your side for the second child. This lets you have your favorite first name and also follow the naming tradition you like. I prefer to mix honor names from both sides for each child, but sometimes other preferences take precedence over that one.

Whether the friend/Griffin issue matters or not depends on the particular friend. Is it a close friend? Will you see them often? Does this friend seem from other name discussions to be prickly/possessive about names? I do think it helps tremendously that it’s just the nickname that is the same (and not even from the same part of the name, as it would be with, say, William and Wilson), and also I think Finley being a family name gives you full license to go ahead and use it anyway. You could soothe things further by referring to your son as Finley when you’re with the friend’s family.

I love a lot of the other names on your list. My favorites from there are Lincoln, Harrison, Russell, Henry, and Ian; of those, I am particularly swoony over Ian, Henry, and Russell. I love Malcolm, too, but with the surname it feels a little odd. Ulysses feels hard to wear, and the nickname Lee is not intuitive. I would normally suggest using it as a particularly fun middle name, but we are already full-up on middle names!

More names to consider:

Anderson
Callum
Calvin
Davis
Elliot
Ellis
Emmett
Everett
Flynn
George
Harris
Harvey
Keegan
Lawson
Louis
Oliver
Simon
Sullivan
Thompson
Wilson (alliterative with surname)

Name update:

Swistle,

Name update! Baby boy, Finley David Russ Whit(with an -e), was born 11/24 at 11:03. His name was solidified by your commentary and the comments of your readers who helped me feel that using two names from my family was fair and equitable. He’s a doll and we are in love!

Thanks for everything! Happy holidays to you and yours!

Brittany

Hi Swistle,

I’m hoping I can get some help with naming our third baby boy, due in October. My husband and I are struggling so much with this, it’s almost unbelievable. I wrote you a novel, and I’m excessive with parentheses, so feel free to edit as you like.

Our first son is Zane David – my husband’s family is from an area around Zanesville, OH and long before we had kids we visited the Zane Grey museum there. Both of us said “huh, that’s a cool name” and didn’t think much more about it, until we started trying to find names for the baby. Part of the problem with naming our babies is that my husband has wildly different tastes than I do, and it makes everything difficult. We finally settled on Zane, and David is my father’s name. We really like his name, and it suits him VERY well.

When our second son came along, we struggled again. I really liked the name Julian and put it out there as a strong contender. My husband didn’t like it AT ALL, and I heard no more about it for a number of weeks. He’d occasionally float other names, and I’d make a Marge Simpson noise, and we’d move on. Then, suddenly, he decided he liked Julian after all, and actually even started telling people that was what we were calling him. I was surprised, but since it was the name I wanted anyway I was cool with it. His middle name is Stephen, after my father-in-law. The middle name was decided after my FIL was diagnosed with cancer (sadly he passed on last month, three years after his initial diagnosis). We mostly call him Jules, if it matters.

Now we have the third boy, and are struggling again, this time with both first AND middle names. If we had a girl, she would be Edith Grace or Edith Caroline – but he is very definitely a boy, so we’re stuck! At one point my husband was telling people he was going to convince me to name this one “Trace” because it sounds like tres and he’s the third – I shut that down immediately! Trace would be an excellent name for the Palin family to use, but it definitely doesn’t fit with our names.

Complicating factors:

1. My MIL and I have a . . . fraught relationship. Also, when husband and I were first married, we had found a name we really like (Edmund), and she proceeded to crap all over it loudly and at length (which ended any discussion of names with her EVER until after the name is absolutely decided upon and final. She did not like the name Julian.) She named her children with all A-names, claiming it was just a coincidence (Sure, Jan.). I refuse to consider any A-names as a consequence. If that were not the case, Alexander would probably be a strong contender. I also will not use any Z- or J-names, for the same reason. Jasper would be a good name, otherwise.

2. My father’s family has a tradition of using the name Bryson. It was my grandfather’s middle name, my dad’s middle name, and my brother’s first name. Neither of my brothers have chosen to use it, and both are finished having kids. This is the last grandchild (for both sides; we actually have the only grandchildren on my husband’s side), and my mother has been pressuring me to use it since I was about 20. As soon as we found out this baby is boy, she ramped up again on the pressure. I would actually not mind using it as a middle name, although I have some residual contrariness that makes me slightly reluctant. My husband is neither here nor there on using it as a middle name.

3. I really feel like I ‘mismatched’ my sons’ names; Zane is an older name, but sounds trendy/new, and Julian’s feels really traditional. Neither are regionally popular where I live. I’d like, ideally, to be able to balance out the sibling set.

I would say that my taste in names runs to 1920’s-ish sounding names. My current proposed names are:

Wesley (small issue: if my younger brother had had a son, he would have been Wesley Bryson, but they are one-and-done, and they had a girl)
Malcolm
Spencer
Felix (I really love this one)
William (family name on my husband’s side)
Isaac
Gavin

My husband’s:

Luke
Bennett
Calvin

My husband likes Felix okay. I like Calvin okayish. But neither of us are wild about the other’s choices, and he told me the other day that he “keeps hoping he’ll just come across a name and realize ‘that’s it!'” which tells me that he’s really not enthused about any of my choices. He has floated his own name (Aaron) as a middle name, which I really don’t care for, but haven’t said anything about yet.

Names I just generally really love but are probably not going to work for various reasons:

Simon
Jasper
Alexander
Graham

I’m starting to get very antsy. We had both of our boys named by the 6-month-ish mark the last two times, and there is no sign we’re going to get this figured out soon. I am sure hoping you can help!

Gurl I hear you on the fraught mother-in-law relationship. We don’t want to reconsider Edmund, do we? Such a great name. Too bad she doesn’t like it. Fake sad-face emoticon.

Here is what I think: use Jasper. If you had just one child and had used a J name for him, I would agree that you might want to avoid anything that looked as if you were following in your in-laws’ all-same-initial footsteps. But with a Z in there, I think you’re good. And I think Jasper may be the name you’re looking for to bridge the gap between Zane and Julian. But imagining my own mother-in-law, and the way she would have said smugly, “See, that’s how it happens!” about the matching initials of even just two of the kids, and would have said it frequently—well, if Jasper has to be out, it has to be out.

After Jasper, I think Felix is the frontrunner for me. Zane, Julian, Felix. I might actually like that better than Zane, Julian, Jasper. Yes, I think I do. Yes. That’s where I would put my efforts: seeing if your husband repeats the thing he did with the name Julian.

But I also really like Calvin in this sibling set. Zane, Julian, Calvin; Zane, Jules, Cal.

And I don’t think Zane and Julian are mismatched. They might not be the exact same style, but I think they’re adjacent/compatible styles.

I don’t know what you should do about the Bryson thing. Family name traditions can be fun, but, in my opinion, ONLY when they are purely opt-in and there is no pressure/pushing/nagging. The MINUTE there is hinting and pushing, I go into “YOU NAMED YOUR OWN BABIES AND I GET TO NAME MY OWN BABIES” mode and start to think naming traditions should be methodically squashed to avoid letting earlier generations think they get to make that kind of decision for later generations. I suggest the next time your mom brings it up, you say, in whatever way makes sense for your relationship and the way you talk to each other, something like “Mom, you know I have a contrary streak, and when you push for this it makes me want to not use the name just on principle.”

Name update:

Hi Swistle!

Name update: We had almost settled on Bennet (my husband was stubborn) when Stan Rogers came up on my playlist, singing “Barrett’s Privateers” and I asked my husband “what about Barrett? We could call him Rhett.” He looked at me and said, “We could call him Bear,” and we both started smiling like idiots at the thought.

Anyway! Barrett Bryson was born on October 10, and he is healthy and beautiful and both of his brothers are smitten with him. Thanks for your help!