Dear Swistle,

I’ve been reading your blog for years, and am now in dire need of your help as a baby naming expert/unicorn.

It’s been a difficult road, but we are thrilled to finally be expecting our third and final child – a girl – in January. Our two boys have familiar, but not super common, Biblical names (not in the top 100). We are Jewish and our last name is a one syllable, multi-consonant mouthful beginning with “Sh.”

The name we absolutely love – the one that makes my heart sing and say, “Yes, this is my daughter” is Calla. But…. it’s just so unusual, particularly compared to my boys’ names, and according to assorted random internet commenters – (you should always listen to those, right?) – Calla seems like “not a name.”

What are your thoughts? Is Calla a unique, but legitimate, alternative to more common floral or antique charm names like Violet, Lily, or Lila and destined for its day in the baby naming sun? Or does it sound completely made up and/or unfinished? We don’t like invented names, uber trendy names, or non-traditional spellings. Other names I like are Nora, Eve, and Hazel, but I don’t love any of these nearly as much as I love Calla.

Thank you so much & I promise to send an update once she’s born!
~An indecisive mama

I’m so annoyed at the idea of some internet commenter saying Calla doesn’t seem like a name. What does that even mean? It IS a name! You know what makes a name seem like a name? INCREASED USAGE AS A NAME. You know what can inhibit increased usage as a name? GOING AROUND SAYING IT DOESN’T SEEM LIKE A NAME. I’m sure if there had been the internet back when the name Jennifer was first appearing in U.S. usage, we would have a record of commenters saying it didn’t really seem like a name to them.

Well. The name Calla IS a name, and we don’t need to waste time debating whether or not it SEEMS like one with internet strangers. We CAN discuss its usage as a name. The Social Security Administration makes available for download their background information on names going back to 1880. I checked in 1880, and there were 6 new baby girls that year named Calla. So the name has been in use in the U.S. since AT LEAST 1880. (You know what name has NOT been used in the U.S. that long? JENNIFER.) Let’s check in with the name every ten years:

1880: 6
1890: 10
1900: 7
1910: 5
1920: 14
1930: 10
1940: 5
1950: 12
1960: 8
1970: 5
1980: 7
1990: 41
2000: 57
2010: 233

And in 2018, there were 122 new baby girls named Calla. That puts it currently in a similar popularity category with Constance, Calista, Lucinda, Moira, Cecily, Lois, Joan, and Millicent.

It was used rarely but at a fairly consistent rate until 1986, when it abruptly increased in usage. I looked into it a little bit to see what brought it to everyone’s attention, and it seems to have been…a TV show about gummi bears? Well! That is not something I’d have known, nor an association I imagine lingers with any strength, though perhaps others can weigh in on this.

For me the only association is with the flower, so I do think of it as a less-common flower/nature/word name, roughly in the same category as the names Dahlia and Fern. I wouldn’t be surprised to see it getting more popular alongside names such as Ella and Lila.

I don’t think it matters if the name is less common than the names you used for your sons, as long as the particular mix of names doesn’t sound startlingly odd together: it’s not at all unusual for parents to have a different naming style for boys than for girls. My own style is Top 50 boy names and less common girl names, and it made me VERY NERVOUS when I was naming my girl, but it hasn’t been an issue at all. It helps that U.S. culture overall is more creative with and accepting of unusual names for girls.

Make sure to test out the first name and surname together (that is, without the middle name) to see if they blend together. I wondered briefly if Calla + S_____ might form the word “callous,” but I don’t think that happens with the initial sound is Sh- rather than S-.

I think if you love it, there is no reason I can see not to use it—and I think you’ll be happy you did.

Name update:

Hi Swistle,

We so appreciate your – (and your readers’!) – reassurance around the name Calla and quickly agreed we would definitely use it. The middle name was another story, but we finally settled on Call@ Jul1et after meeting our sweet baby girl in the hospital. Thanks so much again!

Hello Swistle! I love reading your blog and appreciate your and all your readers help with names! I love baby names and am about to embark on naming our fourth, and potentially final, baby!

Our name is like “Diesel” but with C at the front! We have 3 children already and come November will be so happy to have 2 boys and 2 girls! Our first son is Calvin, daughter Susanna, second son is Bennett and our last will be another daughter! We love our kids names and enjoy the comments we get on how unique but familiar and nice each of their names are!

As soon as I found out I was pregnant all I could think about were two girl names. Jane and Laurel. I have always loved both. We weren’t sure if it was a girl but I desperately wanted to use one of these names so I really hoped it WAS a girl and we had no boy names we truly loved. Once we found out it is a girl-which we are thrilled about-we are having a tough time committing to either one. Can you help?!?

A little history of our names:

Calvin love NN Cal and it was not super familiar but still a “name” which is a big preference to me bc of my slightly weird, head turning name, Jancy. All middle names are family names-his is David after his father and grandfather.

Susanna was a name we thought of and loved as soon as we found out we were pregnant with her. Middle name Joy after my sister, her aunt. I didn’t realize until after she was born how truly unpopular this name is-not been in top 1000 basically ever-but everyone comments how beautiful and sweet this name is!

For Bennett we did not find out the gender prior to delivery so in the delivery room my husband made the final call which I was on board with “boy, Bennett and girl, Jane”. His middle name is Bradley after my father!

Now another girl! We still have this sweet name Jane but also this unique and never used name Laurel. One of my children don’t love Laurel because they have a hard time saying it which made us realize that most children wouldn’t be able to say it until at least 5! Is that something we are okay with?!

I also realized recently every single one of us has an N in our name name unintentionally. I don’t feel pressure to keep this going but all of the children’s names do come from some sort of historical figure who we have been encouraged by in our life. Jane would fit both of those catergories and Laurel would fit neither. Her middle name will be a name we are very excited about-Holland, after his grandparents who we are very close with and are very dear to each of our children.

Other names we like but for some reason are not jumping out to us as much this time in no particular order:

Helen
Ellen
Lucy
Katherine
Rachel
Caroline
Alice

Sometimes I wonder if I am missing something great because my mind and heart can’t get away from Jane or Laurel. What are your thoughts?! I don’t know how we will choose! My husband could probably like 80% of names he hears and I am only in a small 5% of liking names so he is held up by me on that end! We have 3 months left to figure this out!

Thanks for your consideration!

Jancy and Nathan

My own personal opinion, apart from other considerations and looking at this only as a naming exercise, is that Laurel fits slightly better in the sibling set. Calvin, Susanna, Bennett, Laurel. I think the name Laurel will get you more of the “unique but familiar and nice” reactions you like with your other kids’ names, and it gives everyone their own initial. If you’re pretty sure she’ll be your last child, I might suggest naming her Laurel Jane, giving you the option of using Jane whenever you please, and coordinating beautifully with her sister’s name Susanna Joy. [Edited to add: Multiple commenters mentioned the matching -el endings of Laurel with the surname, and I hadn’t noticed that, and it changes my mind: I would choose Jane.]

But what matters isn’t which name I personally think is slightly better in the set, or even which name IS better in the set (I love sibling names to coordinate, but coordination is only one of many preferences), but instead which name you want more to use, and to me every line of your letter is singing out that you’d rather use Jane. It sounds to me as if you think you ought to prefer Laurel, so you’re finding as many reasons as you can to argue for Jane instead—including the “We all have an unintentional N in our names” concept, which you’re not really arguing for but even the mention of it sends my eyebrows straight up: it is such a bafflingly slim reason to favor a name that it immediately catches my attention as a possible tell.

But I want to be clear that, as I start arguing for using the name Jane, it’s because I think it’s the name you want to use, and because I think it’s a great name and great with the sibling names. It’s not, for example, because I care one single morsel if some children have trouble pronouncing the name Laurel, which is a short-term issue at absolute worst. We are not going to start restricting ourselves to names that preschoolers can easily pronounce.

Nor do I care which name the other children in the family prefer. It’s fun to consult the kids, and I loved it when my other kids had opinions about names, but in the long run they won’t care about the name decision as much as I will, and in fact later they’re unlikely to even remember having opinions, and in fact when they’re older they might have completely different opinions (if they have any opinions at all about it).

And of course the unintentional-N thing is going right straight out the window. We are using that only to give us a possible peek into your inner wants. Your family had an unintentional-two-syllable thing until Susanna was born, and an unintentional-A thing until Bennett was born, and I assume no one felt the long-term impact of breaking with those. And besides, if we are going to have to start coordinating entire FAMILIES’ names (rather than just sibling sets), I’m throwing in the towel.

Use the name Jane if you like it better and want it more. It’s great with the sibling names, it’s fabulous with the middle name Holland (much better than Laurel, in my opinion), it meets all your preferences, and you love it. I love it too. I think it’s a wonderful name. And if we’re mentioning small things that don’t matter much, I like that it mixes up the syllables in the group: two names with two syllables, one name with three syllables, one name with one syllable.

At this point, you could coast for awhile without making a final decision. You ideally have several months to go, and you have two excellent names you love: you could wait and see how you feel over the next few months, and even leave the final decision until you see her.

And see how you feel as you read this post and the responses: Do you find you’re hoping people will vote for one name over the other? Do you find yourself feeling displeased as you read support for one of the names, and getting a little thrill as you read support for the other? This sort of thing can be a good way to figure out which name you prefer.

One small thing I notice is how visually similar Jane is to the name Jancy (and it repeats an initial)—but I think that could be a sweet partial namesake. I love the name Jancy, too, and it would be fun to get a family-name thing going with that. Ooo—if you do go with Laurel: Laurel Jancy?? And that would leave Jane for a just-in-case future daughter!

While we’re still here, let’s do an aside about name popularity. According to the Social Security Administration, the name Susanna has been in the Top 1000 for 77 of the 98 years from 1900 to 1997—and even went as high as the 500s/600s. However, that IS still quite uncommon; and it’s been out of the Top 1000 since 1997. The name Laurel is of ballpark-similar popularity: it was in the Top 1000 for 105 of the 118 years from 1901 to 2018, and in 2018 was #623. To see that in real-baby numbers, in 2018 there were approximately 382 new baby girls named Susanna variants (154 new baby girls named Susanna, 114 named Susana, 62 named Susannah, 52 named Suzanna), and 480 named Laurel. There were 1,123 new baby girls named Jane that same year: more common, but still nice and unusual. For comparison, there were 18,688 new baby girls named Emma. If we look ahead to when this batch of babies is in school: for every 18 Emmas in their grade, there will be an average of 1 Jane, 1/2 Laurel, and 1/3 Susanna.

Name update:

Hello Swistle! We have a name update for you.

Our sweet little Jane was born November 6th and while we held her and ponderered what this little ones name should be we kept coming back to Jane. I still have my qualms and doubts that will, I am sure, subside as she grows and we get to know her better. Her namesakes were completely surprised and thrilled we chose their surname, Holland, as a middle name. Thank you to everyone for all the help-naming a child is the most difficult business!

Hello Swistle!

I just recently discovered your site and am amazed by what you do! I’d love to hear your thoughts on our current situation. We are expecting our second son at the very end of August and are having a terrible time agreeing on names this time around. Our first boy is Casen (Kay-sin) Parker and was such an easy name for us to agree on. Our surname is Roan (rhymes with bone). For the longest time, I had the name Grady picked out for another son, with no middle name in particular. My husband eventually agreed, but I think that’s because we hadn’t really found anything better. We also considered Callen and Nolan in the process, but they just weren’t “it.” Now that it’s getting closer to his arrival, my heart just isn’t into the name and I’m having trouble committing.

Someone recently suggested the name Barrett to us, which I melted – instantly fell in love. I love the potential nicknames (Bear, or Rett) and I was excited to use the middle name Henry (a family name) with it. BUT… after the high of the discovery, I remember my brother’s dog’s name is also Barrett. After discussing this with my mom whom I’m very close to, she is trying to talk me out of it and thinks it’s a bad idea. She knows I have a preference for uncommon names, and rattled off someone else who has used the name in the past 5 years. I’m also extremely worried that this will make my brother or his wife upset (I am more worried about the wife as she has a very… unique personality) and I am not the type of person to make waves. My husband also really likes the name, more so than any other we’ve discussed so far, which makes it really hard to turn away from.

So, my question is this: do I move forward with the new name we love, stick with the one we had already picked, or start from scratch? I appreciate any advice you have!

These are my thoughts:

1. I am very in favor of taking into account other people’s feelings about baby names, especially if someone else has already used the name you want to use. And, simultaneously, I am a “names are not one-time-use items and the other people weren’t the first ones to use it either” person.

2. I care very much less about using someone else’s PET’S name. That is, I don’t think pet names fall into the same sort of “be careful, be kind, take feelings into account” category I’d use for someone else’s child’s name. I had a cat named Oliver and so I chose not to use that name for Henry even though I wanted to (Paul said his mother would never have let it go, and did a credible imitation of her “joking” about “the boy who was named for a cat!” and it killed it for me), but if a friend had a cat/dog/rabbit/hamster named Oliver, I wouldn’t hesitate to use the name for a baby if I wanted to. Well, okay, I would hesitate, but I tend to be over-anxious about things; I think in the end the hesitation/anxiety would not kill the name for me.

3. You know better than we do how much of an issue this is likely to be for your sister-in-law. It’s easy for us to say ignore her or that she shouldn’t care, when we’re not the ones who have to deal with the possible fall-out. My hope is that even if your brother/sister-in-law didn’t like that you used the name, that it would not be a big deal and in time it would be no deal at all. But if you suspect they’re the sort of people who would never let it go, that may be a factor as it was for me when I thought about my mother-in-law never letting go of the cat’s name.

4. I think your mom didn’t immediately love the name Barrett and that’s why she’s mentioning the one other person she’s heard of with the name. According to the Social Security Administration, the name Barrett was the #213th most popular boy name in the U.S. in 2018, which is not very common at all. I wanted to reassure you here by comparing its popularity to the popularity of the name Casen, but that turned out to be challenging because of all the possible spellings: there were only 380 new baby boys named Casen in 2018, but another 500 named Cason, another 785 named Kason, another 693 named Kasen, another 420 named Kaysen, another 961 named Kayson, another 424 named Cayson, another 153 named Caysen, and so on. But with only those first eight spellings I thought of (and I don’t even know if those are the most common), we’re up to 4,316 Casen variants born in 2018; for comparison, there were only 1,802 new baby boys named Barrett that same year.

In summary, I’m in favor of you going ahead and planning to use this name that made your heart melt. I’d leave yourself open to finding other names you like better still, just in case such a name exists, but I wouldn’t let either your brother’s dog’s name or your mom’s tepid initial reaction put you off.

Name update:

Thank you so much for your thoughtful advice! I ended up chatting with my brother and his wife, and they were totally supportive of our name choice. But in the end, we found another family middle name that gave us a total change of heart.

We welcomed Grady Haze into our family on September 4th and had absolutely no reservations about our decision! Funny how things work out.