Hi! I’m pregnant and due with our first – a girl- in July. My husband and I both kept our given last names and we plan to use my last name as a middle name, for our daughter and any other future children.
We also have a first name- Daphne- that has risen to the top of the list. It’s a name we both really like and like the low level of popularity. So.. I think what we’ve settled on so far is … (last names listed are not the same, but very similar to ours)
Daphne ?? Basker Johnstonhere’s our conundrum! I would love to have a first middle name that is my moms name (Joan), I have always loved her name and it reminds me of strong women – (my mom, Joan of arc, Joan from madmen…) and I think it goes well with Daphne. Early on we vetoed any first names that start with J, since my name starts with a G and my husbands starts with a J and the last name is (similar to) Johnston, it was too much, but perfectly fine as a middle :). My husband thinks it would be weird to have our kids middle two names be my moms actual name (Joan Basker), but I think of it as my mom’s name, then my last name. So it doesn’t seem strange to me. Thoughts?
-Ginni
I can answer this one from personal experience, because we had a similar situation with my firstborn’s name. I wanted to use my grandfather’s first name as a middle name and my maiden name as a second middle name—but those two names are from the same branch of the family, so my son’s name ended up with my grandfather’s first/last as his two middle names. Several notes:
1. My grandfather seemed even more pleased with the honor name, because of this.
2. Everyone else didn’t notice and/or didn’t care. Most of the people I know don’t know my grandfather’s name, so it wouldn’t catch their attention; since it’s one generation nearer, more of your acquaintances may know your mom’s name.
3. Over the years, it has not seemed weird, though sometimes it strikes me as being a little interesting/cool/fun. Sometimes when I was filling out a form and putting both of Rob’s middle names on the same line, I would notice it, but just be freshly pleased by that fun coincidence. And thinking about it today as I write, I think the two names mostly just look like Rob’s Two Middle Names to me now.
I asked Rob if it seemed weird to him, and he said he’d never realized the two names together formed my grandpa’s name. But that’s a generation farther out than in your case, so we considered what it would be like if he had HIS grandpa’s first/last as his middles, instead, and he said he didn’t think that would have been weird, either.
And most people’s middle names only come into view on the birth announcements, at graduations, and on forms, so it isn’t as if they’ll be widely known—and even when they ARE known, it won’t generally be by people who know your mom’s name. And if they DO know your mom’s name, it’s hard to imagine them caring much about the situation.
Plus, and I think most importantly of all: in your situation, unlike in mine, the child’s second middle name will be your current, active surname! So it should click into everyone’s mind immediately as being YOUR surname rather than your mom’s.
In short, it’s not weird, it’s fine! And I love the effect of your mom’s name on the rhythm of the whole name: Daphne Joan Basker Johnston is even better than Daphne Basker Johnston. And I love that you could call her Daphne Joan or Daphne Jo!
Name update:
Thanks for the help! We have an update.
Our daughter Daphne Joan Basker Johnston was born in August. After so many of you pointed out that this happens with boys all the time, I realized it’s actually the case of my husband’s name – haha. His middle is his father’s first name, so his middle/last combo is his dad’s first/last. My mom is so touched that we gave her the middle name Joan and we’ve been calling her Daphne, Daphne Joan and DJ quite regularly. Thanks for everyone’s help!
I love this situation so much! Two of my kids have honor names that are first and lasts of a relative and they both give me a little thrill of happiness every time I have to write them out fully! It will be so fun for your daughter to share those names with her grandmother!
Not weird to me at all! Daphne Joan Basker Johnson is a great name!
I have personal experience too! My first name is my maternal grandmother’s name. My middle name is my mom’s maiden-and-forever last name, and that is also my Grandmom’s last name. Then my last name is my dad’s.
So grandmom is Jane Taylor, mom is Sarah Taylor, and I’m Jane Taylor Smith.
I know that my first two names are my Grandmom’s full name. Yet I still think of my first name as coming from my Grandmom and my middle as coming from my mom.
In other words, it’s a great idea And a great name and you should do it!
I agree. Not weird.
Daphne Jo, I am HERE FOR IT
This is my situation, except mine is a generation *closer* — I have two middle names; my first middle name is my mom’s first name, and my second middle name is my mom’s maiden name which she kept as a last name when she married, so I have my mom’s full name as part of mine.
So my mom is (example) Patricia Smith, and Patricia Smith Brewster after marriage (which she routinely goes by — people know all three names). I’m Alison Patricia Smith Brewster.
I have frequently thought it was cool that I had my mom’s first name as my first middle name — the only one I ever really counted as a “middle” — Smith always felt more like an unspoken double-barrel last name to me, probably because that’s how my mom used it throughout my life (if asked, I always said my middle name was “Patricia” not “Patricia Smith”).
It probably helped that my actual first name (not Alison) was extremely uncommon at the time and very much my own — no history in the family tree.
Going back even further, my mom’s first name is the feminine form of her father’s, my grandfather’s, name (e.g. Patrick Smith), so I have his full name in my name as well. This has not occurred to me until today! Ha.
I say go for it! This is the kind of thing that your kid is unlikely to notice or think about, and if they do, they’ll think it’s cool. At least that’s been my experience!
For what it’s worth, when I got married I kept my mom’s first as my only middle name and combined last names with my husband (Alison Patricia Brewman), so both Smith and Brewster went away. Having more than one middle name was a huge pain and frequently a headache paperwork-wise, although not enough to wish my parents had named me differently, so don’t let that sway you! I sometimes think of myself as having *5* names now — Alison Patricia Smith Brewster Brewman — even if I only have 3 legally :)
I think of my names the same way. 3 legally, all 5 in my heart. They all belong to me.
If we have another girl, I’d use our moms’ middle names, Mary and Lee, as her compound middle name AND use my maiden as a second (or in this case, third) middle name. But our moms’ names are the actually first and last names of a friend of ours: Mary Lee. *shrug* We’re just embracing it.
Daphne Joan is a perfect glorious gem of a name and Daphne Joan Basker Johnston is just right.
A combo like “Joan Basker” is middle name(s) perfection. But, oh how the pregnancy hormones make for hard decision making, I’ve been there. I can understand why it might sound strange to your husband’s ear, in theory. But quickly, because your new little girl will wear it well and your husband won’t be saying the name in full often, i think you will be happy you chose it.
Two of my daughter’s middle names (I saddled her with THREE) are my grandmother’s first and last. I love it. No one else has noticed.
agreed! Love everything about the name.
Personal experience here too! Both my children’s middle names are my grandparents first and last together. The grandparents’ last name is my current/active last name and my children associate it with me, not their great-grandparents. We use middle names at our house just as often as first names (if you got it, flaunt it!), and no one has ever commented on the names as strange. I think you have made a great choice!
I think this is super common (particular for boys thanks to patrilineal naming conventions). My son has a double barreled last name and his middle name is my dad’s so he has it. Same is true for my brother’s son who also got Grandpa’s name as his middle name.
Wow. I just read the whole post and all the comments and got to this one before realising that my son has his grandfather’s name as his middle last (say John Michael Smith with grandson Hayden John Smith). Super name nerd that I am I never realised. I think surnames hide in plain sight.
I don’t think anyone will notice. Daphne Joan is a great name!
We did this, accidentally! My daughter’s two middle names are her same-aged cousin’s first and last names.
Think:
Josie (Elizabeth Smith) Jones and Elizabeth (Marie) Smith.
My brother and I did discuss names in advance, so I knew that my daughter’s middle would match her cousin’s first. I didn’t quite connect the dots on the full name thing.
My daughter thought it was funny/wierd when she realized. Other than that it doesn’t come up, and I wouldn’t have done anything different!
My brother has this, it’s actually two peoples’ names because my cousin and uncle share a name (not father and son). His first and last name are also another person’s name (an uncle on the other side) so he is a bit frustrated that he doesn’t have any original names.
My daughter’s first middle name is my name because if men can do it why can’t we/I didn’t have any good honour names to use. It is a little jarring to see my own name in the middle of her name but I think that’s mainly because we’re not used to a woman’s name being passed down and it feels a little egotistical. The other middle name I had wanted to use was my grandmother’s name so she would have had her full name in the middle. I don’t think I would have thought twice about that.
This happened ALL THE TIME with the dad’s last name when a middle name is a family name on the dad’s side and the child is getting the father’s last name.
If John Smith’s dad is Robert Smith, and the child is named Noah Robert Smith, the grandfather’s name is in there. But we don’t think of it that way because the last name is after the father, not the grandfather.
Same thing is happening here, you’re just the mother so this happens less regularly in our society.
Also, Daphne Joan is beautiful!!
My niece has this twice. Both my sister’s sister-in-law and I are named Elizabeth (I go by Liz, she goes by Beth) and my niece has our name as her middle name, and both my brother-in-law’s last name and my sister’s last name as a double-barreled last name. When she was born, I was still using my birth last name, and Beth changed her last name, so her name is like Emma Elizabeth Howard-Udall, where Elizabeth Howard is Beth’s full name (not her actual name), and Elizabeth Udall was mine (not my actual birth last name).
No one ever even noticed she’s got even one aunt’s full name in her name.
My middle and last names are the same as the first and last names of the person for which I was named. I never thought of it that way until reading this post. I always thought of my middle name as the standalone honor name and my last name as, well, my last name.
Better than fine … the name is terrific.
My son’s only middle name is his paternal grandfather’s father’s first name, and he carries my husband’s last so he is first name greatgrandfather first name, great grand father last name. I noticed it and thought about it a little when we were naming him, but it seemed like the right thing to do and I do not notice it anymore.
I think if you have a clear idea in your mind of who each part is for (the first middle is your mom, the second middle is your last name), then it seems like it won’t ever come up. But if it does come up will you feel sad/ defensive about it? If no then go ahead
My grandma’s part of the family has a long tradition of fathers naming sons after their brothers. Seriously, Bryant and Felix go back at least 5 generations, and since most of them aren’t straight line, they’re just Felix G., etc. Most have nicknames, though. So no, I don’t find it weird at all.
I think it’s perfect.
I haven’t read all the replies so don’t know if anyone else has suggested this, but why hot reverse the order? Daphne Basker Joan?
In saying that, I actually don’t think it’s strange/weird to use them in the original order either – afterall babies are often given the exact same name as a parent.
I know that I’m late to reply, but it looks like the child hasn’t been born yet.
I actually have my maternal grandmother’s first and last name together as my middle name. My parents wanted to use her first name as an honor name. I have her last name as a middle name because it is my mom’s maiden name and she wanted to pass that on in some form, but didn’t want to hyphenate it as that would be too unwieldy given the two names.
I’ve always appreciated that I have her name hidden within my name. It is a nice connection especially since she passed about a year before I was born so I never got to meet her.
What a lovely name, congrats on your little one!