LONG time reader, first time caller. I have long been obsessed with names and never thought I would need assistance, but here I am totally drawing a blank on what to name our second child.
My husband and I have a 2 year old daughter named H@zel D0r0thy. She’s named for my husbands great grandmother and my grandmother. We are expecting our son and last baby in November and can’t agree at all on a name. Our last name starts with a G, is two syllables and ends in an er sound.
This baby’s middle name will be my maiden name which sounds like Pennyworth but starts with a B.
There are three main thoughts/concerns I have with naming this boy
1)I’d like to honor my father who passed away 3 years ago this August. His name was Stephen Roy. My brother just named his son Stephen so that name is out. But I thought about incorporating my father’s names meaning which is Crowned King. My husbands name, Ry@n also means little king. So maybe a name that means some form of King?
2) The name Simon seems to check all the boxes for me. It honors a dear friend and starts with the same letter as my father’s name. The problem is that my husband doesn’t seem to be too excited about it or any names for that matter, as explained below.
3) So the greatest challenge/concern when it comes to naming our son is my lovely husband. His only contribution to the name list is Crash. This is the only name he’s suggested and seems to be considering (even if this baby had been a girl). I couldn’t be more opposed to this name. My brother’s name is Wilder and he’s definitely lived up to his name. Plus, and most importantly there’s nothing about this name that gives it roots like my daughter’s very family centric name. His exact reasons for liking Crash are that “it sounds cool, its onomatopoeia and it’s not a crazy name like Satchel” I’m not sure why he wants a name that’s has onomatopoeia but can understand wanting a name that is unique.
Names I’ve considered:
Simon- My top contender. It honors a close friend and has the same letter as my father’s name
Emerson – family name on both sides
Sam – I’ve loved this name since I was a little girl
Henry – means estate ruler – my father built houses
Walter – my grandfathers name
Otis – his grandfathers name. We both LOVE this name but found out at Christmas that his grandfather was not a nice man at all.
Names my husband likes
Crash – I hate this
Redmond – location of where we first met and probably our top contender, just doesn’t feel like the one.
Girl names we were considering
Help! Any strategies to help open up my husband into considering more names? I promise to send a prompt update and pictures!
When I get a new baby-name letter, I open up my spreadsheet and I start filling out the cells as I get to those parts of the letter: name of letter-writer, due date, boy/girl—and then a brief description of the issue. As I was reading along, I was thinking it was unlikely I’d answer this one. I’ve done so many “husband fixates on one name and won’t consider others” letters that I figured I wouldn’t be able to tell you anything you hadn’t seen me telling dozens of others: tell him the name has to be off the table; tell him it’s not a matter of finding him a name he likes better than that one, but rather a matter of finding a name the two of you can agree on; tell him he has to do some of the work here rather than just waiting for you to bring him names to reject.
But then I got to the name in question. Crash. CRASH.
On this site we are name-friendly and open to every name within reason. If you were writing to me about finding a middle name for the name Crash, you would not see me flinch: I would make you a list and I would discuss the interesting issues involved and we would all have a marvelous time.
But this is not such a letter. This is a “one parent has fixated on one name” letter. While generally I think that if one parent is set on a particular name, the other parent should try hard to come around to it, in this case I see no reason not to go directly to ABSOLUTELY NOT. The Felony Fever Vice letter comes to mind: there are some words that are unpleasant and describe bad things, and I don’t think we should give those words as names to people.
The word “crash” has only negative connotations. A car crash. A crash down from a high. A hospital crash cart. It is a violent, negative word. I can’t think of a single good meaning. The kind of “cool” it sounds is the kind of cool that is violent and dangerous, which is not the kind of cool we want to inspire in our children.
Here is the strategy: you say to him, “Are you nuts? Have you lost your fool mind? We are not naming our baby an ugly, violent word. Now get real and help me make an ACTUAL list.” Or just say it with your eyes.
Then it’s the regular, familiar drill:
1. The name Crash is off the table.
2. This is not a matter of finding a name he likes better than Crash; this is a matter of finding a name the two of you can agree on.
3. This is a task that belongs to both of you.
4. The labor is not going to be divided as “You bring him names to consider”/”He vetoes them from on high”: that’s not a fair division. And if he thinks it is a fair decision, perhaps he’d like to swap roles for awhile.
5. He needs to make a nice longish list of reasonable names for the two of you to consider, or else choose some favorites from your list.
You would like to honor your father, but your brother has already used his name. I see what you’re trying to do with a name that matches your father’s name or profession, but it feels like such a watered-down honor compared to using the actual name. If your maiden name was also your father’s surname, then that seems like you already have a very good way to honor him.
If you do want an occupation name, I’d go with something more like Decker, which is apparently an old word for a roofer, carpenter, or builder. The job of ruling over an estate seems so different from the job of building houses, and not in a positive way: that is, building the houses seems more honorable.
If you do want a name with a king-type meaning, there are these:
Brendan – prince
Cyrus – king
Darius – king
Elroy – the king
Kendrick – powerful royal
Leroy – the king
Rex – king
Richard – rich, powerful ruler
Roald – famous ruler
Roderick – famous ruler
Royce – king’s son
Xerxes – king
For those definitions I used Baby Names Made Easy: The Complete Reverse Dictionary of Baby Names). You’ll want to double-check meanings in a couple of different baby name books, because they can vary considerably.
I want to give some support to the name Redmond: that’s a pretty great name. It has meaning for you two, and it satisfies the urge for something very unusual while still feeling like a name. Red is a cute nickname (any chance he’ll be a redhead?). It goes well with the sibling name: H@zel and Redmond.
I also like Royce. The -ce gives the name Roy a more modern feel. H@zel and Royce.
And I like Cyrus, which has some sounds in common with Simon. H@zel and Cyrus.
Thank you so much for posting my question. I tried out Simon for a few days but felt that it was a one sided name; it didn’t involve my husband at all and that didn’t feel right. This left us with the name Redmond. Crash was off the table. And once we decided on that, it just felt right. Your readers comments also really helped me feel more confident in choosing his name. Redmond arrived a few days ago (on my birthday) and we are in love! Thank you again for your help!