Dear Swistle,
I have accidentally gotten myself into a bit of a baby name situation. My husband’s legal first name is Daniel (also his father’s name) but he goes by his middle name Scott. He has always really hated that his parents chose to not put his name in the “correct” order. He has even researched changing his name to Scott Daniel but decided it was too much time/money. My name also starts with an S. When my daughter was born we both fell in love with the name Stella Grace, my great grandmother’s name was Estelle and it was nice to honor my side a little in the naming department. I really fought against the name my whole pregnancy because I did not want us all to have first names that start with S. But, we were unable to find a name that we liked better at the time. We found out we are pregnant with another baby girl due in November.
The question is do we name this baby girl a name that also starts with S? I have always hated the idea of having first names that all start with the same letter- I know that many families choose this but I didn’t think I would be one of them. Reading your blog has me re-thinking the whole thing. My husband thinks we should at least consider the idea of having another S name. This will likely be our last child and would she feel left out that her name starts with a different letter? Will our Christmas cards look weird when we list out all our names and they start with S except for the last one? Can I use the loop hole that my husband’s actual first name is Daniel, so technically does not start with an S? Or should i just get over this idea and name her something that starts with an S. Our last name sounds like “Jen-dron” but actually starts with a G. We would like to use the middle name of Rae, because it is my father’s middle name, but we are not completely stuck on it. The other middle name we are considering is Malia, it is my mother in law’s middle name. But I feel that my husband’s side is already represented in the baby’s last name. If we had a boy our top runner would likely have been Miles.
Will you please help me see if I am off base with the S thing? If I am can you help me think of an S baby name that goes with Stella? If you think it okay to name the baby something that starts with another letter any suggestions?
Some names we like:
Alice (love this name but we are not sure how it sounds with the short middle name of Rae)
Allison (love this name too, but it ends in the same last sound “on” as our last name)
Hazel
Fiona
Ellen
Caroline
Lydia
Olive
Madeline
Nora
Sylvie
Eloise (Love this name but my sister says that she wants to name her future daughter this)
Lillian (like this name but it is a little too popular)
Evelyn (Also too popular)Names we like but must avoid
Violet
Louise
Clara
Olivia
Elena
Lucy
Mary
JulieThank you for considering our question!
Stephanie
We get what I would consider a surprising number of questions asking if a child will feel left out if he or she has a different initial than his or her siblings. I’m just going to go ahead and say that in 99%* of cases the answer is “No.” (And in the remaining 1%, there are other things going on besides just an initial.) I do think that if a family made a big deal of it, saying “We’re Team S!!” all the time before the child was born, getting a license plate that said “S FAMILY,” having matching t-shirts with a big S on each one—then the next children without an S name could feel a little weird if they ever gave it any thought at all. But if I picture myself as the second, non-S child, I have more of a “rolling my eyes and letting them thank me for breaking up THAT dorkitude” feeling.
[*Number might be completely made up by Swistle.**] [**But I think it’s a pretty accurate guess.]
And of course the number of kids matters: if you two parents and your first three children all had names starting with S, and then you were having a fourth and definitely last child and wanted to use a name starting with T, I guess I’d advise you not to at that point. (But even then, if you really wanted to use it, I’d be behind you on that and helping you to think of ways to handle reactions: “Ha ha! Oh I know, isn’t it funny? But we just LOVED the name and couldn’t resist it! And it turned out we had exactly three S names we loved, and not a single one more! We really scoured every baby name book, but in the end it seemed better to use a T-name we loved instead of an S-name we disliked!”)
You mentioned this is likely your last child, but I’ll seize on the not-quite-certainty of the word “likely” and add that if you DO have another child, I think you will be very glad if you did not choose an S-name this time. The Duggars say they never meant to have so many J names, but their first three favorites happened to start with J, and then with each additional child they didn’t want that child to feel left out. Imagine if they had J____, J_____, J_____, M______, T______, L______, K_______, T_______, S_______, S________, B_______, and so on: at this point no one would think anything of those first three J names, except perhaps relief that they managed to break out of it. And if you ended up with Stella, L_______, and F______, no one will feel anything about the initials.
I generally don’t consider the parents’ names/initials as if they were part of the sibling group, unless someone draws my attention to it. That is, if someone says “We’re the S team!,” I would think “…?” followed by “Oh, I see: Stephanie, Scott, and Stella. All starting with S. Yes indeed. Cute.” It’s possible that the occasional person will once a year look at your Christmas card signatures and think, “Oh! Three start with S and one doesn’t!” But imagine yourself in that situation, looking at the card: would you draw any unpleasant conclusion from this? Would it linger unpleasantly in your mind, leading to suspicions that the last child wasn’t loved/wanted? Or would you, as I would, go on to the next card without giving it any more thought than the sheer noticing of it? We all know that the parents didn’t choose their own names. At worst, a few people might love the idea of matched family name sets and wish you had loved it too—but that’s not so bad to deal with. Plus, you can spin the appearance of the card a bit: write your two names on one line with your surname, and the kids’ names on a second line:
Happy holidays and a very happy New Year!
Scott and Stephanie Jendron
Stella and Lydia
I would definitely use the loophole that your husband’s actual legal name starts with a D. So if you had a child who in adolescence was looking for reasons to claim you hated her, and she seized upon this initials thing as her pet issue, you could say, “What? Oh, no, that’s not something we even thought of. Dad’s real first name starts with D, and mine starts with S; for you kids, we just chose our favorite names. Stella’s happened to start with S, and yours happens to start with ___.” (If it happens to start with D, that would be quite tidy. Delia, Daphne, Diantha?)
I would in fact use that explanation with anyone who brings it up at all. For example, if someone has noticed the three-S situation and says, “Are you going to go for another S name?” “What? Oh, no, that’s not….” etc. You can add your story about wishing Stella’s name HADN’T started with S, but you just loved it too much to give it up.
Within your family, you can play the Name Similarities Game, to dilute any feeling that the first letter is the only thing that matters. Let’s say you name this child Lydia. “Lydia and Dad both have five letters, if we use the name Dad goes by; if we use Dad’s given name, Stella and Dad both have six letters. Mom and Lydia both have three syllables. Stella and Mom both start with S—and Dad, too, if we use the name he goes by. Dad and Lydia both have D’s in their names, if we use dad’s given name. Stella and Lydia both end with A. Everyone has an A in their name if we use Dad’s given name; otherwise, just the girls in the family have A’s in their names. Mom and Stella both start with Ste-. Stella and Lydia both have L’s, and Dad does too if he uses his given name.” And so on. Dad should be teased for cheating with his two names, and should keep switching what he claims his name is, in order to be included in as many categories as possible.
If you’re narrowing down a list and get to the point where you like everything equally, you could even use the anticipation of the Name Similarities Game to help make decision, choosing something with MORE similarities over something with less. I mean, only if it would be fun to do this, not if it would add to the pressure.
The basic strategy I would advise for choosing this child’s name is the same strategy you used to choose Stella’s: find your favorite. If the name starts with an S, use it and resign yourself to people thinking you were cute on purpose. If the name doesn’t start with an S, use it without fear of psychological damage to the child.
The names on your list look like great choices. With Stella, I particularly like Alice, Hazel, Fiona, Lydia, and Sylvie. I love Ellen, but it seems like it shares too big a chunk of the name Stella. I think Alice does combine a bit with Rae, but that unless you were planning to call her regularly by both names, I’d rank that issue lower than the benefit of using a family name.
Name update:
Dear Swistle,
I am thrilled to let you know our baby girl Alice Rae arrived promptly on her due date! I cannot thank you enough for your help in picking out her name! We went back and forth up until the end but we love her name. My dad is so honored that she is named after him. And as a bonus I found out my grandmother’s sister was named Alice and my maternal grandfather had the middle name of Ray too.Thank you again,
Stephanie
I have OPINIONS about this, but then I realized that Swistle covered them all perfectly. With two children, I would not notice this, and I normally overthink other people’s naming choices. If you went S____, S____, A____, I might notice but not think anything of it. Four or more siblings with exactly one outlier would probably make me go, “Hmmmm.”
If I’m pondering family name similarities, I only pay attention to the children’s names. I wouldn’t notice that the children match or don’t match their parents unless my attention were drawn to it (with their sharp “S” family t-shirts, for example). So in this case, Swistle’s advice to find your favorite name first and then form the reasons why it’s perfect for your family later is spot-on.
Your sister’s claim to a name because she “likes it” doesn’t count. First come first serve unless there is a legitimate claim, it’s her name, i.e. she’s named after mom, grandma, great grandma, etc. In our family five sister-in-laws all wanted to use the same name. They all had girls, eleven in fact, before anyone actually did. Two more girls were born and they both use a form of the name.
Choose the name you love most but let S be a factor in the decision if you love two names equally.
So if you love Hazel and Sylvie the most and relatively equally, the S can be the deciding factor one way or another. If the idea of having the same initials for all really bothers you, choose Hazel. If you are really concerned about the left out issue, choose Sylvie.
Personally, I used to think same initials were too cutesy but now I think it is fine unless you are planning on having several children. In the scenario I described. I would choose Sylvie because I like it slightly more than Hazel.
You have a great list of names to choose from although I would rule out Ellen as having too much overlap with Stella and Eloise because you have many great options without using your sister’s favorite name. I would also rule out Olive if you need to avoid Oliva.
Alice, Hazel and Sylvie seem to fit the style of Stella the best but matching on style should only be a criteria if it matters to you.
If Liilian is too common, what Jillian? If Alice and Allison don’t work, what about Alicia or Allie? If Evelyn is to common, what about Marilyn, Rosilyn, or Carolyn?
I agree — definitely use the name you love best and don’t stress too much over the “S” situation. If I were the younger sibling, I’d feel a bit slighted if I knew my name had been chosen chiefly because it alliterated with my older sibling’s name, rather than because my parents thought it was beautiful on its own merits. Especially if you give the new baby meaningful family connections somewhere in her name (as with the middle names you’re considering), I can’t imagine that she will feel left out. Of course, if your favorite name this time around *does* end up starting with S, that’s fine too!
P.S. I think “Alice Rae” sounds wonderful :). Other suggestions: do you like Cora, Mabel, Eleanor, Elaine, or Adeline?
(…or if you’re avoiding Elena, maybe Elise rather than Elaine!)
I’m rooting for Alice too! I love the name, and the slight (very, very slight) blend into Rae seems like a non-issue to me.
We ended up with a lot of S names among our five children, and honestly, no one has ever commented on it. We had two S names in a row, followed by a B, and I can’t remember a single person asking why he didn’t match the others. Then we picked another name with S for baby #4. I did have a fair bit of angst about that, but again, not one person mentioned that the third child didn’t match kids 1,2 and 4. That said, I definitely skipped right over the S section of the baby name book when #5 came along.
I forgot to say that I think Alice Rae is a gorgeous name! I like many of the names on your list, but that stands out to me as particularly good. I think Stella and Alice make a great sister pairing.
I have friends who named their daughter Lydia. Both parents have names/nickname beginning with L, so when they had a second and last child and named him William after one of their fathers, I was sure he would be called “Liam “. But no, he’s called Will and it works just fine. As someone else said, most people don’t even notice that the parents and one or more of the children have names beginning with same letter. I would choose the name you like best and that stylistically is compatible with Stella.
I was going to make this suggestion as well! Something with an “S” nickname but another-letter full name could cast a wider net :)
Go with Alice! You love it, it goes well with Stella, and it has the S sound in it, which ties everyone together without being cutesy. I don’t think Alice Rae runs together at all.
I used to work with a guy whose family of four, including the parents, all had K names except for his youngest daughter, Sara. I always wondered if Sara felt left out because she did not have a K name so I see where you are coming from with your question. In our family my husband, stepdaughter AND dog have “L” names and when it came to naming our daughter, the names I loved were all “L” names. I had an issue with giving the second girl an “L” name because I feared we were starting a pattern and if we would have a third girl someday, would I need to give her an “L” name? Also, I felt sort of left out with the only “E” name so we ended up naming her Eliette and calling her Lette. (pronounced Letty) I thought it was a good solution so we were not stuck looking for another L name and matching because like you, I did not really like matchy names, but also it was cool because she shares my exact initials and I still get to use the L name I loved. In retrospect, we never call her Eliette and maybe we should have just named her Lette, but maybe someday she will like having the option of going by Eliette and I will not feel the need to have another L name for a third child.
When I’m looking at name similarities, I usually only pay attention to the children’s names. I only notice matching initials/sounds with the parents when my attention is drawn to it, like with “S” family t-shirts. My attention is also drawn to it when it’s particular sounds. I wouldn’t notice Scott, Stephanie, Stella and Alice. I did notice Jeff, Joyce, Janya and Chris (my neighbours growing up). Maybe because the ‘s’ is a softer sound?
But I’m with Swistle. If you are having more kids after this one, then I would for sure avoid an ‘S’ name this time. Otherwise, it works either way! :)
I’ve known two families who have done one child odd man out. My husband, who is an S among Js (parents and younger brother) and an ex whose siblings were all As including him (three kids but one died at birth) then an R. I brought this up to both families at one point being the name nerd I am, and no one cared. Especially those ‘left out.’ It could be that the odd men out were literally men? But. I think we’re so close to the issue of naming and our families complete names that we can get a bit cross eyed.
I agree that because your husband’s legal name starts with D, you have your way out should anyone protest. Although the only one with ‘rights’ to protest is your younger daughter. Use what you love. Alice Rae is lovely. Unless you’re the type to use both names often, I don’t see any problem. And actually I don’t see a problem if you do? Just need to enunciate.
If you’re looking for a more subtle theme for your family, the shared S and T is something to build on? Astrid Rae is beautiful. That even gives your daughters their own theme – a star and a flower. Or Tess Malia?
Good luck. Stella Grace is a lovely name and I can’t wait to hear what her sister is called.
Oh duh. Astrid is totally not a flower. Ignore that. I was thinking Aster. But Astrid is still lovely and means ‘beautiful goddess’ :-)
I think other people and the child would notice if her’s was the only non-S name in the family. I know a father, mother, daughter, son with same initial and it seems like they should rename their dog (diffent initial) that they got before having kids.
If Alice and Allison are favorites but not “it,” how about Alyssa? That double-s matches nicely without actually being an s-name.
Stephanie, Scott, Stella and Alyssa.
Stella & Alyssa.
Alyssa Rae.
I like this idea!
For what it’s worth, I like my name a whole lot more now that I have a —–son last name than with my maiden name. I feel it flows better, so I wouldn’t let that hold you back from using Allison. :)
I wonder if you’d consider Malia as a first name? It’s pretty and unique and an honor name, which would be another justification for going with something other than S
Malia Rae Jendron
Scott, Stephanie, Stella and Malia
Stella and Malia
I kinda like that the endings are a little bit similar!
I know two families who broke a first name pattern One with the 2nd kid, one with the first — both parents have a J name, the first child doesn’t, the second child does. For them using a J honor name was the most important thing. The other family broke a pattern with 2nd kid and it’s not an issue.
I totally agree with Swistle’s take here.
I would leave Eloise to your sister (even though she may never have any girls) just because of the EL sound in both names. I love the idea upstream to use Malia for a first name, but your list of names you like is also lovely. I’m really drawn to Fiona with Stella.
Funny story about the family initial. My sister Colette found out that her husband’s coworker liked her name and they used for his new baby girl. She said, really?, I assumed you’d go with a K name like the rest of your kids. He said we did, K-o-l-e-t. They really did think that’s just how it was spelled.
Now is the time to break with the S trend. You may *think* this is the last baby, but things can change– I think if you pick an S name this time, you’ll feel more locked in if you do have a third down the road!
I don’t think there’s any reason to pick an S name if you don’t want to. My grandparents Lyle and Lois used L names for their first two kids (Linda and Lawrence) and then different initials for the next three kids. I’ve never heard anyone in the family mention it and the “kids” in question are all in their 60s and 70s now. I didn’t even notice it myself until I was an adult.
How about Malia Rae?
With Stella as a sibling, I also like Alice, Fiona, Olive, Madeline, Nora, and Evelyn.
Stella and Tess has always been a favorite pair of sisters to me. You could say Stella got her s at the beginning and Tess got hers at the end.
I must admit that I am one of the people who notices patterns and I would notice that one person in the family had a different initial, and if I were that person, it would bother me. But I know that a LOT of people do not feel the same way, so I think you just have to go with what you feel is the best plan. (It would also bother me as the mom, so you go by your feelings too.).
We did end up doing an alphabetical naming theme (KLMN) (I wrote in here for advice on whether to use M or not). I had names that I liked far more than the M name we chose, but I find that I really do like having a name pattern in my little family. It gives me a little thrill and is fun, even though we’ve done nothing “fun” with it yet.
So, there is all of my personal observations. I love Alice and Nora from your list. I also love Sadie, Sally, Susannah. You could also do an S sound, like Cecilia or Cecily. Good luck!
My partner is Nolan with a sister Danielle and parents Don and Denise.
Nobody in that family has ever noticed the 3 Dn’s versus 1 N until I came along. It also doesn’t bother anyone!
I had a friend who accidentally stumbled into a name theme: cities. She had Austin, something (I can’t even remember–just know that it was a recognizable city), and Brooklyn. When she had her last baby girl she tried desperately to come up with a city name she liked, but couldn’t. Plus, she really wanted the name Julia. Eventually she went with the name Julia and she was so glad she made that choice!! She says it is a delight to say Julia’s name because she loves it so much. I’d say–themes can be fun, but you don’t need to stress like this. The kids don’t even notice.
I would not think anything strange about a non-S name.
I think you should honor whom you wish to honor – and use the name you please – in the middle; in regards to the fairness issue, your last name (I assume) would really represent your father-in-law’s side and not your mother-in-law’s.
Stella and Alice sound so perfect together! Alice Rae is lovely and, I think because it has a strong ‘s’ sound, fits in nicely with all your names.
Tessa and Sylvie are sweet options too.
What about Sienna, Marissa, Celeste, Sophie, Iris or Simone? Love Stella and Celeste together!
Good luck!
Stella and Celeste ARE good together! Stella, star, Celeste, heaven/sky.
I also agree, now is a good time to break the S trend unless you love a name that starts with an S, then continue on… Haha
Another S name, would be Simone.
Stella and Simone. They actually go together quite nicely.
Off your list, I love Fiona and Olive.
Stella and Margot
Stella and Marlow
Stella and Winslow
Hmm… For some reason I love the “o” sound at the end in the sibling name next to Stella’s name. Maybe it’s because the beginning of Stella’s name is two strong consonants followed by soft sounds, so I like to keep suit with the second… I seem to be drawn to the above three names; I actually can’t get them out of my head!
What about Stella and Vienna?
Or Stella and Rosalie?
Good luck!!
From your list I love most: Stella & Fiona or Stella & Ellen. I like how it draws people’s attention to the ‘ell’ similarity rather than the ‘s’ similarity.
How about Celia? I like Stella & Celia too! Sounds like an ‘s’, but isn’t…
I have three with one initial and one (the third child and only girl) with a different one. I agonised over giving the last a different initial just so his sister wouldn’t feel left out but that seems a little silly now. I asked her once if she minded and she laughed – she loves her name, doesn’t care about the initial at all. The boys all like having the same initial as each other but mostly because they can share stuff and just write their initials on it, not for a ‘real’ reason that will matter in adulthood.
I hesitate to say it on a name site (and I LOVE names) but our little sib set of names has become less important to me as the kids have gotten older and become more individual. I guess I see the kids as more of a group of different people than a set like they were as babies if that makes sense. By that I mean that I am glad I chose the names that I liked rather than worry about how they sounded in combo. YMMV of course. I think Alice Rae sounds lovely and would happily wear it myself.
I think you should really consider this from the child’s perspective. For all intents & purposes, you and your husband are actually named Mom & Dad. Her friends will know you as Mr. & Mrs. Jendron or you’ll be “Stella’s mom” or “Stella and Jane’s mom.” In this case, it doesn’t really seem to matter so much anymore, does it? I agree with Swistle that in 99% of cases, the kid won’t care & her friends will likely never notice.
As for the Christmas card issue, I think signing it the way Swistle suggested works. You could also simply sign it “The Jendron Family.” But really, even if you signed the cards Scott, Stephanie, Stella & Ophelia, who is going to see the cards? Other adults, that’s who. A reasonable adult might notice, do an internal “huh” and then they’ll move on to opening whatever other mail they received that day. If an adult actually gets a card like that and makes a big deal of it, then, quite frankly, they are an idiot with too much time on their hands. On the flip side, there are some adults who would read a Christmas card from Scott, Stephanie, Stella & Susan and then do a little eyeroll because they found the S thing “too cute.” Bottom line, you can’t keep everyone happy & this is a silly thing to even try to keep people happy about it. Name her what you want to name her & move on.
One final thought before I offer suggestions, the boy name you have picked out doesn’t start with an S & you don’t seem bothered by this. Perhaps you may want to consider why you & your husband are concerned with sister initial matching, when it does not seem to be an issue for brother/sister initials.
From your name list, I do really like Alice (and it doesn’t strike me as too short with Rae). I also really like Hazel, Fiona & Olive for you. And I don’t believe in reserving names. If you love Eloise, use it. Your sister shouldn’t get to reserve a name she may never use (might never have kids, may never have a girl, may change her mind, partner may hate Eloise, etc.) Babies being born now have first dibs, everyone else will just have to select from the literally millions of other names in existence.
Other suggestions: Flora/Florence, Amelia, Ivy, Audrey, Matilda, Molly, Vivian, Vanessa. And Ophelia (I just randomly threw it out above, but have decided I do rather like it with Stella).
I agree!! After reading your line, Stella and Ophelia make a great set!
I need to vote for Fiona. For some reason I am now madly in love with the idea of Stella & Fiona as sister names.
Stella Grace & Fiona Rae
It is filling me with a joy I didn’t know I’d feel. Lol!
It is pretty fabulous!
To me, Alice sounds too much like Stella said backwards, without the t. Both names have the same sounds. Too cutesy/matching for sisters, in my opinion. I would use a name that didn’t have both an S and an L sound.
Don’t go with an S name, unless you love the name! It’s totally fine to have parents and one child with an S and then a second child to have a non-S name.
My Mum did consider this. My Mum has a J name and my Dad has a K name. They named me with a J name and then my Mum wanted to use a K name to match my Dad’s name – but they ended up with another J name. So we were three Js and a K, including parents.
My cousin and his wife and first kid have very similar names, (think Lowell and Jillian and a daughter Lillian, not their real names or genders), and a second kid Olivia. Our family really only thought about it before we met Olivia.
What about Alicia?
I have aunts Estella, Ann, Evelyn, Frances. What about Hilda? Sabina? Serena or Selena? Agatha? Agnes?
I met a family whose names were something like Michael, Mary, and Molly. When I first met them, I briefly wondered if the matching initials were intentional. Then they had a son and named him Steven and my reaction was basically, “Oh, okay, guess not.” So I wouldn’t worry about it!
I had a similar naming dilemma. My husband, myself and my older child all have exactly the same initials (think C.J.B.) But this is not obvious to people, because my husband goes by his middle name, so it felt to everyone like we had two C names and one J name.
When we had our next child, we didn’t want to be locked into the same letter, particularly, and our favourite name began with L, so we used that. It’s been a total non-issue – the only person who has ever cared about matching letters is me, and now that my kids are preschoolers, I care even less. The main thing I care about now is that I got to use my favourite name each time. And it’s nice that each kid has their ‘own’ letter to feel ownership of.
Also, if I want to distinguish between us all when I’m writing notes, I use M for mum, D for dad, C and L for the kids’ names. So it all works out fine.
My parents are Steve and Suzy and my older brother is Sam. My name is Elizabeth. I certainly noticed that everyone else had an S name, but it made me feel special to be a little different! My mother always signed things “Steve, Suzy, Sam, & Liz” and as far as I know, no one batted an eye. Including me.
Choose the name you love, regardless!