Jessica writes:
Our first baby is due in mid-May and despite diligent effort, I feel like we’re no closer to naming it. We both went through the entire Baby Name Wizard book, then compiled initial boy and girl lists based on the ones we had both marked. We’ve been cutting down those lists but instead of feeling like we like our candidates more and more, we both feel like now none of the names we’re considering are all that great.
I have a hard time articulating which kind of names we like, which is making it harder to find new ideas or to hone in. Being a 1984 Jessica myself, my one strong prohibition is on names that are either very popular right now, or are spiking up the charts (even if with quite low numbers still). I was a Jessica because my parents thought it was unique, and I don’t want to make that mistake.
The last name starts with T and has two syllables. First one rhymes with “her” and second one is like the preposition “on.” Accent on the second syllable: Turr-AWN. First names that start with T or rhyme with -on (eg Anton) don’t work well, but most everything else goes ok.
Middle names are still totally a crapshoot – a few honor candidates, but we’ll wait until we have a first name settled. Might skip the middle altogether at this rate though!
Girl names still on the list:
Arly
Jo (I would prefer a longer version but don’t like any of the options much)
June (having a small resurgence)
Juniper (is spiking in popularity, but just made it into top 1000 – should I worry?)
Lois
Marie
Olive (maybe too spiky? probably parents looking for a variation on Olivia)
PearlGirls eliminated by one or the other of us (we each still love some of these):
Ada
Amity
Cora
Edith
Ida
Ione
Iris
Lark
Lee
Nell
TheaBoys still on the list (ugh, these are so blah)
Calvin
Casper
Emil
Nels
Thaddeus (to be called Thad)Boys eliminated:
Ambrose
Arlo
August
Lars
Miles
Milo
Oliver
Oscar
Otto
Peter
RowanAdvice about
1. finding new names to try out
2. why we feel so blah about everything on our lists, or
3. how much I should worry about rising popularity when the names are still quite rare
would be much appreciated! Thanks! I promise a picture update if you post :D
One thing we have on our side now is DATA: when your parents chose the name Jessica in 1984 for its uniqueness, it was already the second most popular girl name in the United States and had been a Top 10 name for almost a decade—but there wasn’t a way for parents to KNOW that. Now we have the Social Security Administration’s name data base, which we can use to show us how common or unusual a name is, and what it’s been doing on its way to that point.
Unfortunately, we can also use it to drive ourselves crazy trying to predict a name’s future. It’s one thing to look up a name and say, “Oh. Shoot. I thought it was new, but it’s #2, so never mind” and another to look up a name and say, “Okay, so it’s only #474—but it’s jumped more than 200 places a year for the past two years. What does that…mean? Is it on the list or off?”
I certainly think it’s wise to check a name’s ranking, but I also think it’s wise to avoid letting that issue dominate the decision to the extent that you choose a name you like significantly less solely because it’s less common. It might be disappointing if a name you love gets much more popular in the years after you use it—but at worst, you still end up with a name you love. I’m imagining the double punch of choosing a less-loved name and then having THAT one be the one that skyrockets!
Furthermore, if the name isn’t popular YET but is only potentially on its way to becoming popular, your child won’t be surrounded by peers sharing the same name. If your parents had named you Jessica in, say, 1962, when it was climbing but still relatively low, they might have been dismayed a decade later when it rose so high, but you would have gone through school the only Jessica in your classroom year after year.
I find I get the blah feeling about names when I’m overwhelmed: too many choices makes me dislike all of them. (It’s the same with choosing paint colors.) Narrowing things down in any way (even if it ends up ADDING names, as in “Okay. So I want an OLD and ESTABLISHED name, which means scratching off these three but adding these twenty”) helps me feel more enthusiastic.
But it IS hard to figure out what exactly puts a name on the Like List, isn’t it! It can help to look at each name individually (as opposed to looking for what the group has in common) and jot down what you like about it—and what you DON’T like. Do you like the name Jo because she was your favorite in Little Women, or is it the unisex sound, or did you once know an awesome Jo? Do you like Juniper because it’s fresh and new, or because you like the nature connection, or because it sounds like Jennifer but Jennifer is too common/mom-name? Is Amity off the list because of -ville, or because it’s a virtue name, or because there’s no good nickname, or because a friend just used it? And so on. I might put the reasons in their own pro/con-sided list, separated from the individual names, so that I could see my various reasons in clumps. It might not be possible to pinpoint the exact reason a particular name is on the list, but listing some of the reasons can help narrow things down: “Huh. It looks like we like the sound of unisex names, but we don’t like them to actually BE unisex” or “Huh. It looks like we like a lot of names because of books we’ve read, and we don’t want to use the name of anyone we know.”
The problem, I think, is that a lot of lists come down to “Huh. It looks like want a name that’s fresh and exciting, to us and to everyone who hears what we’ve chosen—but not something anyone else will want to use for their own babies.” A completely understandable goal, though difficult to apply, and so likely to bring future disappointment.
When it’s hard to figure out what style is your favorite, I recommend putting names from your list into pretend sibling groups. (I recommend this even if you’re planning on having one child total, but it’s even more helpful if you’re planning on more than one.) Names that can’t be grouped with any other names on your list are likely to be style outliers. And having names in sibling groups can help you see which groups feel like Your Family. Are you more the kind of family that would have a Calvin and a June? Or do you picture sitting at the dinner table with a Casper and an Olive?
I’d also recommend putting the names into “rule each other out” groups: If you choose Juniper, June is out. Is Jo also out, because it’s so much shorter or because it starts with the same initial? Would Casper be out because you wouldn’t want to duplicate an ending? In each group, see if you can figure out which of the choices is your favorite.
For finding new names, I recommend playing the Baby Name Wizard game. Look up one of the names on your list in The Baby Name Wizard. Look at the recommended sibling names for that name. Pick the one that catches your eye, and look up THAT name. Look at the sibling names for THAT name, and pick one of THOSE. And so on. Often I find I get into a loop that gives me a good idea of my style: Oliver leads to Leo, which leads to Felix, which leads back to Oliver. Or I’ll see a neighboring entry that catches my eye: when I look up Simon, I notice Solomon and Shepard; or as I flip through the pages on my way to Milo, I happen to notice Dean. This doesn’t always work well with less common names, since those might not be in the listings; in that case, I look in the index, find which categories the name is listed in and/or which names its listed as a sibling name for, and browse THOSE.
I also like the brainstorming game, which is where you take each name on the list and think of as many similar names as you can, without stopping to consider them very much. The names that seem “similar” will vary considerably from person to person, but for example this is how it would look if I started working on your list:
Arly
Carly
Carlin
Carlisle
Clarissa
Harley
Harlowe
Arlene
Marlo
Marian
Arlo
Carlo
Orla
Carson
Garland
Darla
Darcy
Karl
Jo
Joe
Maryjo
Annie Jo
Joy
Jacinta
Georgia
George
Rose
Joan
And so on. Some brainstormed names would make it onto the list; others would remind me of other names I might want to add or other types of names I might want to look into; others would point out that I liked/disliked a certain sound.
As you can see from that list, I also like looking at the boy name list to find girl name ideas, and vice versa. If you like Lois, I wonder if you’d like Louis? If Lee wasn’t quite right for a girl, it might still work for a boy. If you like Calvin, you might like Calla. If Lars and Milo aren’t going to work for a boy, Lara or Mila might work for a girl.
Name update! Jessica writes:
Hi Swistle!
Thank you so much for your post. We spent a lot of time with your strategies and your wonderful commenters’ suggestions. When I went into labor we were still pretty undecided and unenthusiastic about boys’ names, but it turns out we had a girl! And we named her something that was never on our lists and that we hadn’t run by anyone – a dark horse name that we absolutely love – Frances Elisabeth (middle name after great-grandma). I love that Frances has so many nickname possibilities – secretly hoping she likes Frankie – as well as the nice chunky consonants and the overlap in letters with my name. I realized there will probably be a Francis/France pope spike, but it can’t be that big and I don’t mind too much. So far no one has commented in that direction.
Thanks again! Here she is:
I think Swistle’s advice is excellent. I know your concerns–we had an Archer in 2009, then found out six months later that it had re-entered the top 1000 that year and it has climbed steadily since. Yesterday the Baby Name Wizard named it one of her hottest names. I’m not too upset about it though–we picked the name because we LOVE it, and I still love it. Swistle said a few posts back that there is nothing wrong with picking trendy names, it means that your child will fit in! We are all a product of the times we are in, why should it surprise me that other people who grew up in my generation also find Archer appealing? I’m a big believer in picking names that have meaning to you. Words that you love, something that comes from your vocation or your avocation, names from your family tree… Even though my husband and I are big name nerds, I would say that neither time (we also have a daughter) did we feel like the name we chose was “the one”–it was just the one we liked the best and thought it would work. We came to love love love it after we met the little person and it became their name.
I think Swistle’s advice is excellent. I know your concerns–we had an Archer in 2009, then found out six months later that it had re-entered the top 1000 that year and it has climbed steadily since. Yesterday the Baby Name Wizard named it one of her hottest names. I’m not too upset about it though–we picked the name because we LOVE it, and I still love it. Swistle said a few posts back that there is nothing wrong with picking trendy names, it means that your child will fit in! We are all a product of the times we are in, why should it surprise me that other people who grew up in my generation also find Archer appealing? I’m a big believer in picking names that have meaning to you. Words that you love, something that comes from your vocation or your avocation, names from your family tree… Even though my husband and I are big name nerds, I would say that neither time (we also have a daughter) did we feel like the name we chose was “the one”, we always had some doubts–it was just the one we liked the best and thought it would work. We came to love love love it after we met the little person and it became their name.
I found, when I was feeling a little blah about my own list, that it helped to find fraternal name “twins” with very similiar sounds or associations that freshened up the original. I always like the name Niles, and I notice Nels is on your “still an option but ugggh” list. Emil makes me think of the movie Ratatouille, which leads me to the name Remy which I love. If you like Marie and Pearl, I would be drawn to Margaret, nickname Pearl or Marie (because Margaret’s name-meaning is Pearl). This sort of exercise helped me freshen things up a while back and I’m just hoping I won’t have to go through MORE spring cleaning before I have a baby! ;) I hope you eventually find something you love. I think that attaching a name to your baby, even a more popular one or one you had a hard time loving initially, will do wonders for your appreciation of it.
So here’s an obscure one to throw out there: my mother-in-law’s name is Loris. Like Doris, I guess, but with an L, or like Lois, but different. It’s really pretty, not completely unheard-of (it’s the name of a really cute monkey-type thing called a Slow Loris, which I guess, if anyone bothered to research that far {10-year-olds didn’t in my day, but we didn’t have the internet} would maybe be a make-fun-of-her nickname, but I have a hard time seeing that), and easy to spell. It has the “o,” “r,” and “l” sounds you seem to be drawn to. Good luck!
Maybe a name with personal meaning would help you get over that blah feeling. My son is named after the college dorm where my wife and I met and my daughter is named after her great grandmother. One name was in the 20s or 30s when we used it, now top 10, and the other was off the charts, now 400s, last time I checked but I don’t worry too much about the spikes because of what they mean to us.
I think the name Arlo would be an excellent fit for either a boy or a girl. : )
We’ve also been struggling to find a name that isn’t too common (not in the top 50, or preferably 100), but isn’t completely unheard of, that we both love.
Your girl names make me think of: Elodie, Hollis, Tilden, Evanie, Evaline, Leisha (none of those are in the top 1000).
or more common, but not in the top 100: Ayla, Mara, Mira, Amaris, Jane, Audra
Inspiration from your list for boys: Neville, Abram, Anders, Conrad, Ellis, Sheldon, Hans, Henrik, Jens, Doren
One name I find lovely is Marian.
It’s unusual, old-fashioned, but not weird. It looks beautiful written, and it flows nicely off the tongue. Marian Turrawn.
Theodora
Vera
Corinne
Elinor
Lydia
Alice
Joy
Lillian
Theodore
Cyrus
Hugo
Matthias
Arthur
Walter
Conrad
Frederick
Another thought–I could see using “Jo” as a nickname for Juniper.
One thing that helps me when I’m looking at popularity is to look at the actual number of kids with a certain name, instead of looking at just the ranking. Knowing Juniper is in the top 1000 makes it seem like it should be popular. But knowing it was only given to 262 babies in the country last year might make that top 1000 ranking seem like less of a big deal.
If you like Casper, what about Jasper? If you like Ada, what about Mavis?
It’s like you have many styles that appeal to you (which is great!) but need to flesh out what actually appeals to you. So without using any popular names, how do these strike you? If you and your husband laugh and say, “Oh, but that’s such an awful old-man name!”, then you know you want something more current-sounding. If you think, “Hmmm, that makes her sound like a hippie,” then you know you want something more traditional. Hope it helps!
So how about:
BOYS
MacLeod
Philip
Gordon
Bruce
Roger
Maurice
Richter
Crispin
Ambrose
Digory
Mortimer
Hershyl
Orville
Mark
Buryl
Daryle
Townsend
Mercer
GIRLS
Arden
Lauren
Amythyst
Idalia (eye-DAL-yah)
Moureen
Orly
Odessa
Arwyn
Melody
Harmony
Melinda
Wren
Marilla
Estelle
Cherry
Amaryllis
Arly made me think of the name Airlie which I absolutely love. What about using Jo as a middle name if you think it isn’t substantial enough for a first name but you still love it. Airlie Jo is cute! I like Airlie June and Airlie Juniper too.
Even though you have Nell on your “eliminated” list I really like that too. Love the Nelle spelling and Nelle Marie is so pretty!
I know what you mean about the boy names, I also find them much more difficult to choose than girls, but from your list I like Nels and Thaddeus. Do you like the similar names Neil or Tobias? On your “eliminated” list I think Miles and Peter are great names too.
There is also a leaning towards Scandinavian names like Lars and Nels. Do you like the name Jens? What about the name Jensen/Jenson with the nn Jens? I think Jensen is a great name for a boy. Jensen Ambrose or Jensen Arlo perhaps?
Ambrose always makes me think of Ruben. I like the sound of Ruben Oliver.
All the best!
I wouldn’t worry about rank too much unless a name is in the top twenty- the long version of my name was in the top 100 for my birth year (and several years before and after) and although I met a lot of “Katie’s” growing up, I never met anyone with the same “long/formal” name until I went to university. (I probably could have saved myself a lot of confusion growing up by using my legal name but that’s another story… )
The advice to try to put a reason to the names you don’t like seems like a good place to start. Also, to give up on the data for a bit and try to focus on names you really love.
I like the idea of Juniper nn Jo from your list. Your girl list makes me think of Anais (or Anaïs). The lovely singer-songwriter Anais Mitchell pronounces it A-NAY-iss. What about Anders for a boy?
Best!
I think I saw this idea on a Baby Name Wizard blog post, but have you considered going through the SSA rankings and looking for names that have held steady throughout the decades? Like sat at around 400s from the ’70s to now? Two names for girls that come to mind that fit this criteria are Claudia and Johanna. Both are familiar and pretty, but to me, they don’t have that time-stamp that some names do. For a boy, Ross was one of these 400s and holding names.
Other names that are familiar, but not over-saturated are:
Jocelyn
Bethany
Danica
Marissa
Anne
Toby
Clayton
Warren
Neil
Neville
LOUIE !!!!!
While Louis may be more popular than you’d like, it and Louie have been falling in popularity for over 100 years now. Which probably means it is ripe for a comeback but if you chose it now you would at least be ahead of the pack.
And with names like Emil and Nels on your list, the French pronunciation of Louis would fit right in.
As for your girls names, I suspect June, Olive and Pearl are heading up the charts but that shouldn’t stop you using them. Any of the names on your shortlist would make good middle names if you decide not to use them as first names. My girls go to school with a Maria and it is surprisingly fresh sounding.
I notice you have both Jo and Lois on your list, names with a strong “O” sound. I wonder if you would also like:
Antonia
Florence
Gloria
Johanna (I know you didn’t like the long forms of Jo but Johanna, Emil & Nels go so well together)
Lola
Monique (love this, and it goes well with your boy names)
Rose
There’s also Zoe, Chloe and Sophie but these are probably way too popular for you.
All the best and please let us know what you choose.
I wonder if you would like Dorothy for a girl, or Bram for a boy. Good luck!
I might group your names like this:
Pearl, Olive, June, Cora, Milo, August
Ida, Ada, Edith, Nell, Peter
Casper, June
Arlo, June, Milo
Miles, Thaddeus, Ambrose, Casper, August
Lars, Otto, Nels, Emil
Rowan, Thea
Rowan, Lark, Iris, Pearl, Juniper
If you like those, what about:
Caspian
Coral
Thalia
Jasper
Lillian
Theo
Meadow
Sage
I read a wonderful book once (old Japanese adventure) with a female lead who went by JoJo. Her last name had the “jo” syllable in it somewhere, and her first name was Jolyne (like jo-LYNN). She was a very powerful character, yet still quirky and interesting. I thought since you liked Jo, but nothing that extended it, maybe you’d like Jolyne.
That being said, it made me so happy to see Pearl in your list of maybe’s. I am all for Pearl. It’s such a fun, yet elegant name. I thought Olive was cute too, although I see your possible worries on that one. A few people said to try Margaret-nickname-Pearl, but I’m not sure how I feel on that one. It’s too much of an old name, not different. My mother’s name is Barbara and she hated having an “old lady” name while she was growing up.
For the boys, the only one from your “still on the list” list that I don’t like is Calvin. It just doesn’t sound right to me coming out of my mouth. Reading the names on your list reminded me of a name I used to like as a kid: Lennie. (not sure why) However, Thaddeus is so interesting. If you like that, you could try using some similar names. I had a friend named Prometheus. I had a classmate at one point who had a longer, archaic name but went by Eric, which I thought was a nice return to classics, while still being different. Paris, Persius, Apollo, Hector. I like how Odysseus, Ceto, and Pontos are all ocean-mythology-related names that go great with Pearl.
I just wanted to add that I recently read one of Gillian Flynn’s other books (she wrote Gone Girl), and the protagonist’s sister was named Amity. They called her Amma for short, and that seemed like a pretty good nickname!
She is beautiful and I LOVE her name! And I love the nicknames Frankie and Francie! So darling!! Congratulations!
Tonight, I read your (Swistle’s) spring forward pdf to the child (now nearing 9) whose name I pondered here. They thought it was hilarious. They’ve renamed themselves now, to Ray 🥰
I’ve renamed myself in the meantime too, to N e v and it’s delightful to see how many times the name Neville showed up in comments here!!