Dear Swistle,

We are expecting our second son in June. Our 2.5 year old is named Alex Richard Dillier. My problem is that my husband is ridiculously picky about names, in fact, he has a whole list of his own naming rules which has effectively vetoed each and every name I’ve ever suggested. We have managed to find one name we both like, Max James Dillier, but I’d really like to have a few more choices to consider. We’d like to use the middle name James, but also considering John for a middle name as well.

Here are my husband’s naming rules:

1. No presidential names (like Kennedy, Regan or Clinton)
2. No biblical names
3. The name has to be “American”. Meaning we can’t use names that are obviously from a different culture or country (e.g., Paco, Sven, Pierre or Kumar)
4. The name can’t mean anything in English (even with different spelling). Most names mean something in some language somewhere, but he doesn’t want our child to be named something like Paige (like a page in a book) or Brooke (as in a stream) or Cole (like a lump of coal)
5. No cars (Mercedes, Porche, Astin, Cooper or Bentley are all out. Also Harley, even though it’s not a car, but a motorcycle)
6. No names that are also names of a widely known company (Unfortunately, my very favorite name, Avery, is a paper company)
7. No names that have multiple different spellings. Like my name Jamie or Jaime. This is a problem because there is a trend where people give their children a common name then spell it in a unique way. For example, instead of naming your child Ashley, you name her Ashleigh. Essentially, if John has to ask how we would spell it, it is vetoed.
8. No geographical names (e.g., Austin, Dakota, Paris…)
9. No androgynous names. The name has to be distinctly male or female. Unfortunately this vetoes Avery again, also Afton, Peyton and Delaney.
10. Cannot contract into a common nickname. No Nicholas (Nick), Benjamin (Ben) or Abigail (Abby). We can, however, name our child just the nickname (which is why we have an Alex instead of an Alexander).
11. The name can’t be a common last name. (e.g., Conner, Sullivan, Anderson, etc.)
12. The initials can not spell a word or common acronym. Like Max Alan Dillier (MAD) or Benjamin James (BJ)

HELP! And, good luck!

Jamie

HA HA HA HA HAHAHA HA HA HA HAHA HA! *wipes tears* HA HA HA! *gasp* HA HA HAHA HA! Oh, Jamie! This is wonderful! HA HA HA HA HA!

I’m reminded of an old Saturday Night Live skit in which the husband (played by Nicolas Cage) completely vetoes every single name his wife (played by Julia Sweeney) suggests. I wonder in your husband’s case if a lifetime of having a name which is a also a slang word for (1) a toilet and (2) a prostitute’s client, is the sort of thing that takes its toll on a man?

Well! Let’s get started, shall we? We only have until June to sift through all the baby names and see if any slip through that net of rules.

The Baby Name Wizard suggests these brother names for Alex: Jake, Cole, Evan, Drew, Luke. We can eliminate Cole (word name) and Drew (word name) right off the bat, which leaves us with Jake, Evan, and Luke. Considering the huge popularity of the name Jacob (#1 most popular boy name in the U.S. since 1999, according to the Social Security Administration), I’d avoid the name Jake. A lot of those Jacobs are already using it.

Evan and Luke are both good candidates. They’re both good with Alex, they’re both boyish, they’re spelled only that way. Neither one is a common brand name, an initials problem, a presidential name, a nickname hazard, etc. One little hitch is that Luke could be considered a biblical name—but it’s become so mainstream, I don’t think it’s any more biblical than Matthew, Mark, or John.

Evan James Dillier (EJD)
Evan John Dillier (EJD)
Luke James Dillier (LJD)
Luke John Dillier (LJD)

A second hitch with Luke is that it’s not great with either of your middle name possibilities: too choppy with two 1-syllable names in a row. In fact, let’s scrap Luke. But let’s keep Evan.

You mention you both like the name Max. The Baby Name Wizard suggests these brother names for Max: Leo, Oliver, Felix, Theo, Sam. And will you look at that: four of those names meet all of your husband’s rules. The only one that doesn’t fit is Oliver, which would give you the meaningful initials O.D. This time I’m going to try the names only with the middle name James:

Leo James Dillier (LJD)
Felix James Dillier (FJD)
Theo James Dillier (TJD)
Sam James Dillier (SJD)

I continue to prefer the sound of the 2-syllable first names. Here are a few more 2-syllable choices, several of them chosen because they were the “FINALLY! A name we can agree on!” for families I know.

Aaron James Dillier (AJD)
Eric James Dillier (EJD)
Henry James Dillier (HJD)
Jared James Dillier (JJD)
Simon James Dillier (SJD)

Dear Swistle,

My husband and I are expecting our first child (a girl) next month and we cannot decide on a name. The only name that we could really agree that we both love is Hannah, but we have both decided that it’s popularity bothers us. I like Lucy (he doesn’t), he likes Catherine (I don’t).

The two names that we have it narrowed down to are Harper Eve or Mary ___. I don’t think either of us love these names and we can’t think of a middle name for Mary (we aren’t Catholic and I don’t want the name to sound too Catholic, no offense). I wish that we had a family name that we loved, but we don’t. Our grandmothers names are Merlyn, Doris, Levora, and Dianne, none of which we care for. Our great grandmothers names are Ila, Maude, Sarah, Laura, Mary Ellen, Elise, Ernastine, and Ellis, but we’re not sold on any of these. I like Ila (or Ayla or Isla), but my husband hates it.

All of my sisters have names that start with a K sound and that is confusing enough that I don’t want to introduce another K (or hard C) name into the mix.

Our last name starts with J and is two syllables. We would like a name that isn’t weird, that is easy to spell and easy to pronounce, but that isn’t too popular. We tend to like classic names, although Harper has been one of my favorites for a long time so there are exceptions to this. We have nieces named Mia Rose, Sydney Anne, Emma May, and Hailey Elizabeth, so all of these are off limits.

Thanks so much :)

Erica

I like the name Harper VERY MUCH, and since you’ve liked it a long time, it’s tempting to just say, “Yes! Harper!,” make a poll with one choice on it, and dust off my hands after a job well done. I’m a huge fan of Eve, too—although I think a different middle name might work better with Harper.

There was a little girl named Mary in my son’s kindergarten class, and I was surprised at how fresh and uncommon it sounded. I think of it as a Very Common Name, but of course it ISN’T common in the current crop of babies. I like the family tie-in if you use Mary Ellen, but what about Mary Harper? (I considered Mary Hannah, but when I said it out loud I added “little lamb”: “Mary Hannah little lamb, its fleece was white as snow.”)

A name that catches my eye in your family name list is Laura. I think it’s beautiful. Laura Harper. Laura Eve. It’s easy to spell and pronounce, it’s classic, and according to the Social Security Administration it was only #172 in 2006. For comparison, that’s LESS COMMON than the names Genesis (#169) and Alondra (#170).

If you both love the name Hannah, and you agree on it, I think you should reconsider using it. It’s a beautiful, classic name with long roots. But if its popularity continues to bother you, I’d go with Laura. That’s my top choice: Laura Harper J____ (LHJ). Family connection. Classic. Easy to pronounce and spell. Not too common and not too weird. And it incorporates the name Harper, which you’ve liked for a long time.

Kate writes:

Help! I need nickname advice!

I’m adopting a baby this Spring, and if it’s a boy, I’d like to follow a family tradition and name him John after my father, my brother, my grandfather, you get the picture. The problem is that my father (Jack) and my brother (John) both live within a mile or so, and that’s a lot of people running around with the same name (since I’m single, it will be the same first and last names).

So what I’m looking for is a good nickname for John that isn’t Jack. I’m a big fan of traditional names – it’s important that it’s a name that will work for an adult as well as a kid.

If the baby’s a girl, I’m going with Elizabeth, another family name. I’m leaning toward Bess or Lily as a nickname.

Any brilliant suggestions?

Help me, Swistle!

Tough one, Kate! The usual nicknames are Johnny and Jack and that’s ALL, so we’re really going to need to call upon The Powers of the Internet for this one.

Option the First: Go with the initial and call him J.—I had a friend in high school who did this. To the ear, it’s “Jay.”

Option the Second: Call him by first and middle names together: John William, for example. My brother was called by his first and middle names together when he was a child—and not just when he was in trouble, but all the time. At first it feels a little awkward, but then it blends into one name.

Option the Third: First and middle initials: J.W., for example.

Option the Fourth: Call him by his middle name outright. I’m pretty sure my friend Mairzy disapproves of this idea, but I think it’s a good work-around when you are highly motivated to use a particular name but run into problems such as the one you’re encountering. I went to school with several guys who went by their middle names, and other than the annual “roll call correction” (“John Abrams?” “Actually, I go by Will”), it wasn’t a problem.

Option the Fifth: As I understand it from novels about rich people, people with a long-running family name used to turn to nicknames such as Trey and Trip for the youngest of three people with the same name. I think that’s cute and appealing.

Let’s ask Mairzy!

In this corner we have Good Idea: Name son the family name to give him an immediate sense of family identity.

In this corner we have Bad Setup: His grandfather and uncle, who live in the same area, will have exactly the same name.

Possible solution: Come up with a nickname.

The trouble with this solution, of course, is that traditional nickname for John is already in use. (I remember getting very indignant with a first-grade classmate, Johnny, who claimed that he and his father had the same name. I knew very well his dad’s name was Jack. Who was he kidding?) If you do use the name John, he’ll get called Johnny or Little John just to distinguish him from his uncle. If you call him Jack, he’ll be Little Jack or (not at all appealing to me) Jackie. And he might just get called Junior, a nickname that makes me want to curl up and cry.

Possible solution: Use a variant of the name John.

This way, you honor the family name, but avoid the confusion and headaches that come with repeating names. You’re lucky to be working with the name that shows up in practically every European language. You can choose from Jonathan, Sean, Evan, Ian, Giovanni, Ivan, Jaques, Johann, Jonas, Shane, Sion, and Yancey. (List courtesy of behindthename.com, which includes a whole lot more options.) Obviously a few of the names are heavily ethnic, which may not fit with the surname. I just included them because, well, I like names. I’d love to use the name Jaques, for instance. But my surname is in the same category as Johnson. Jaques Johnson! The world laughs. Anway, getting back to the matter at hand.

You could consider naming him Jake and calling it a variant of Jack/John. It’s not traditional, but you could squeeze by with it.

(For Elizabeth, which you mention briefly at the end of your question: I think Bess is cute, and I’m ready to see it come back again. Lily is not a name I think of as being a nickname for Elizabeth, so I probably wouldn’t go that route: if I wanted Lily, I’d go with Lilian/Lillian or just flat-out Lily.)

Help Kate out: What would YOU do if you were using the name John in this situation? Would you name him John and use one of Swistle’s solutions? Or would you name him one of Mairzy’s variations? Vote in the poll to the right [poll closed; see below], and leave your ideas in the comment section.

[Poll results:
John; call him J.: 11 votes, roughly 14%
John; call him first + middle names: 8 votes, roughly 10%
John; call him first + middle initials: 17 votes, roughly 21%
John; call him by his middle name: 13 votes, roughly 16%
Use a variation such as Jonathan or Ian: 20 votes, roughly 25%
Jake, and pretend it’s a variation of John: 3 votes, roughly 4%]

Barbara writes:

Hi Swistle- I’m super psyched about your new baby names blog! I’m OBSESSED with baby names (I guess names in general) and have been for as long as I can remember. As a little girl, I was always “changing” my name and always wanted a name with a fun nickname. As an adult, I make baby name lists at least weekly. I love the meaning behind names, the sentimental or family connection associated with names, initials and monograms, and especially nicknames.

Here’s my question: What names do you love but had to give up on because they just didn’t work with your last name (aka unfortunate nicknames, initials or puns)? I know you’re not keen on making your real name public, so you may or may not be able to reveal this info without giving away major clues to your true identity, but maybe your readers can?

I always loved the name Rose or Rosie for a girl, but with the (new) last name of Thornton, I just thought the pun was too mean. Another example, my sister-in-law was almost named Rachel Anne but her initials would have been RAT.

Looking forward to reading more about our favorite subject!

GREAT QUESTION!

Paul and I have an ethnic and difficult surname, so we’ve avoided ethnic or difficult first names. And our surname is so surnamey, we think “surname names” (Miller, Sawyer, Carson) sound bad with it.

When Matt Lauer named his son Thijs (pronounced “Tice”), I instantly loved the name—but we weren’t willing to take on the challenge of a totally unfamiliar (in the U.S.) name that follows the pronunciation rules of another language. We messed around with the spelling (Tyce, for example), but we only liked it with the Dutch spelling. So we gave it up.

The most Limiting Factor for me has been Previous Children. If you have children named Robert and William (to use their pseudonyms as an example), it’s tough to suddenly add a Devereaux or a Thijs. Sibling names don’t have to be matchy-matchy, but I prefer them to sound like they’re in the same family: Robert and William, yes; Robert and Rocco, no. I would bend this for a name I really, really loved—but in general, it strongly affects my naming decisions.

Barbara and I are VERY EAGER to hear about the names you had to give up, and the things that most limit your choices. Initial problems? Surname problems? Sibling problems?

L. writes:

How do you feel about people who name their children — ALL their children — after someone else? I have a cousin who has three kids and a fourth on the way. So far each of her kids has a name that already belongs to someone in the family: an aunt, a grandparent, or even one of the parents’ names themselves (example: If the father were called “Paul,” for instance, one of the girls’ middle names might be “Paula”).

I think it’s lovely to name a baby after a relative, to honor that relative, to carry on a tradition, etc… but every child? I just don’t know. I’m wondering what this mom is going to do when she “runs out” of family names — and also, MEOW, why can’t she think of anything original?

(I am rude. Forgive me. Perhaps you, yourself, have done this, and I don’t mean to offend if you have.)

I had to give this some thought: I realized I don’t actually know ANYONE who does all family names like that. I know a lot of people who do namesake names in the middle name position, which I think is charming.

And, after thinking it over, I think namesake names are charming in the first-name position, too. As with every “all the names the same” theme (such as starting with the same letter), the parents should think VERY CAREFULLY beforehand about whether they have enough naming material even if they end up having more children than they think they’ll have. It’s especially sensitive with family names, because if you use three family names and then you switch to non-family names, the remaining non-named-after family members may wonder what the heck is wrong with THEIR names.

Family names come with an automatic side of confusion, of course: if you name your son after your father, your mother is going to have to specify which John she’s talking about every time she’s chatting with her friends. This may be minor, depending on which family name you’re using (your spouse’s vs. your cousin’s), but it’s nice to have thought it out beforehand rather than being surprised by it.

An additional issue with family names is that most of the ones available to choose from will not be generationally timely. Parents are eager to use the names of the great-grandparents they’ve never even met, because that’s where the Emmas and Violets and Maxes and Jacks are. The family members whose names have actual significance to the namer tend to have names like Ruth and Robert, Barbara and Jerry. (These things go in cycles, so all these baby Emmas and Jacks will be naming THEIR babies “after great-grandma Ruth.”)

Something that doesn’t bother me is the originality issue. Almost all names have been used and used and used, so that I think words like “original” or “unique” are useless in naming discussions. (People usually mean “unusual,” anyway.) Naming the baby Madison is not more original than naming her after the namer’s Aunt Joanne or after the baby’s Aunt Kimberly.

Use the comment section below and the poll to the right [poll closed; see below] to weigh in: What do you think of using family names? Have you done it? Are you glad, or are you sorry? What do you like–or not like–about it?

[Poll results:
Like the idea of family names and did it or plan to do it: 60 votes, roughly 77%
Like the idea, but not for us: 8 votes, roughly 10%
Don’t like the idea: 10 votes, roughly 13%]