Elizabeth’s birthday is coming up, and she has asked for “Assorted pretty little hair clippies. I’ve been using bobby pins in my hair and I want something a little cuter. My vague idea is, ‘you know, like in the 90s!’ But not like bright pink and yellow butterfly clips 90s, more like dark and sparkly and mostly-neutral lil’ guys 90s.”
I was a Young Person in the ’90s, and I remember there were two basic fashion paths for girls: one path involved short skirts, baby-doll shirts, choker necklaces, and hair clippies; the other path involved jeans, flannel shirts unbuttoned over t-shirts, and work boots. Your Swistle admired both paths, but was personally Path #2. And I have a high forehead, and wore/wear glasses and multiple pairs of earrings, and so on me hair clippies always felt like, in the words of Mitch Hedberg, “a lot of cranium accessories.”
Elizabeth is growing her hair out from a velour-like cut, and it is now getting long enough to get into her eyes, almost but not quite long enough to tuck behind her ears. Thus the request—which I feel ill-equipped to address. I suspect she wants whatever clippies were worn by the girls who went Path #1 PLUS wore Docs and that dark merlot lipstick. Or maybe she is thinking of something else?? My hope is that some of you remember well what little hair accessories were used back then, and/or that you have kids who are in on this same retro/throwback trend and you know JUST where I need to shop. This feels like such a tall order, but you have surprised me again and again with this sort of thing, and it emboldens me to keep asking.
Speaking of the twins, we have Edward’s second-year grades. I would say they are a little depressing (to me). However, the academic probation has been lifted, and the scholarships have not been taken away for next year, as far as we can tell. It’s possible there will be an unpleasant surprise when the bill comes in August—but Edward researched it pretty carefully, and read aloud the pertinent sections, and it SOUNDS as if everything will be okay, financially.
That still leaves the question of whether it is okay to keep going to school and getting such iffy (to me) grades; I don’t know how to make that decision—and I guess I’m not really looking for advice, exactly, though would actively welcome commiseration and thought processes from other parents going through the same thing. The grades are passing grades, so it makes me think of that joke about what do you call the student who graduates medical school with the lowest GPA? (“Doctor.”) Edward says the school still feels like the right fit and so does the major, despite the outcomes saying otherwise (to me). We talked a little about why the grades are iffy, and Edward said some (good, promising, concrete) things about figuring out a studying style and also about figuring out how to keep track of things that are due. I asked about using the student services department that provides help/support for those very things, and Edward will look into it in the fall. I also remarked hand-wringingly that it seems like if, for example, a student is getting a 70% in a class, they may be missing 30% of the education they’re paying for, and Edward said amicably, “Yes, Mother.”
In the 90s I wore Docs and Merlot lipstick but also Hello Kitty tees and pink choker necklaces, and I used these metal hair clippies. Black for regular use and fun colors if the look warranted.
https://a.co/d/8Nj2QPa
Have you stopped writing Swistle Baby Name responses?
I have not felt like doing it for awhile; I haven’t officially stopped, but it may turn out in the long run to have been a permanent stop.
A couple of sites that get advertised to me online that have cute/different clips:
https://solareclipsestyle.com/collections/hair-claws-clips
https://chunks.shop/
Hmmm. I graduated from high school in 1994, but my memory of hair stuff is vague. I remember using those little metal clips that I still see at Walgreens sometimes. However, I’ve been informed by my high-school age nieces that I simply must take them to TJ Maxx/Marshalls because that’s where all the cool hair stuff is right now. Not sure if it’ll be exactly what your daughter wants, but maybe it’s worth a stroll in the jewelry/hair accessories section just in case?
Another vote for a TJ Maxx run. They had so many cute clippies.
As someone who works at a university – “Cs get degrees” is very true. And IMO worth staying for.
As someone who has a son going off to university this fall, I may be needing this saying.
I’ll also add, that the grades someone gets on university courses is not the sum total of all they’ve learned (at all!) or necessarily an indicator of whether they’ll be a successful, capable, relational employee in the future. I have a close relative who was on academic probation in undergrad and now has a PhD and works at one of your Ivy League universities. (I say ‘your’ because I am Canadian).
My brother used to say “Ds get degrees.” Which I don’t think is true anymore, if it ever was, but also he is an engineer now who makes at least 3x as much as I do with my 3.9 college GPA.
James Herriott, everyone’s favorite vet, barely passed anything, according to him. Passing was like 40% at the time and he was regularly pulling 42s. So. Grades are fake and made up. If he’s fully not going to class AND not turning in assignments, college may not be for him – it’s way cheaper to get a job and hang out at a bar in a college town. But if he IS going and doing, I agree with the others.
My knee jerk is: MUST GET GOOD GRADES. But, working for a C likely teaches more than someone who is just good at school w skates through but gets As (that was me. I am better now. I knit. I know how to fail and keep going! And start over but it was a lesson I learned LATE.)
You can ask him to explain some of the core concepts of some classes. Or tell you about a book or an assignment, maybe review it. See if that makes you feel better.
I was 100% Path A – so many babydoll dresses, so much dark lipstick – and in the 90s I had two hairstyles, evenly distributed throughout the decade: a long spiral perm and a Rachel. In both cases I mostly wore tiny claw clips to have the half-up/ half-down look, although I had a few plain clips as well. I would say they were Goody brand, but I can’t remember exactly. Oh, also the big claw clips for a French roll-type messy style.
Awww, I am having nostalgia for my dress/ army boots style back then.
I don’t have any advice or anything, but I do remember the saying “Cs get degrees” which isn’t wrong, and is similar to the doctor joke.
OH GOD I JUST REMEMBERED WEARING SUNDRESSES WITH BABY TEES UNDERNEATH.
(that is all, just wanted to share and I feel like you’d appreciate it)
Also, I had a baby tee that said Little Miss Bossy on it, and it had a picture of that children’s illustration. Again, no point to me saying this except I feel like you’d enjoy that detail.
I DID
The clips in the first comment are the ones I’ve used every time I’ve endured the transition from short hair to ponytail, I think starting in the late 90s.
As someone who dropped out of college and then figured out a way to still graduate four years after high school, I think it might be helpful to discuss post college plans. Do those plans require good grades, just a degree, or something else?
That’s a good point about the grades. For
some paths GPA doesn’t matter too much. I hire staff at a non-profit, including new graduates. I never ask about GPAs in the hiring process. If Edward plans a graduate degree then a high GPA may be important for admissions.
I also wore the clips mentioned in the first comment! The nostalgia of the aforementioned babydoll tops and flannel shirt. Anyway, the clips in this link I wore in the early ‘00s. Also have with a variety of colors.
https://www.amazon.com/stores/Funtopia/page/B1B4743F-A2B1-4380-A1E1-BC485E4375F1?is_byline_deeplink=true&deeplink=B1B4743F-A2B1-4380-A1E1-BC485E4375F1&redirect_store_id=B1B4743F-A2B1-4380-A1E1-BC485E4375F1&lp_asin=B07RBTDKPP&ref_=ast_bln&store_ref=bl_ast_dp_brandLogo_sto
I think even for graduate school in many disciplines working in a lab or something similar is more important than grades. Grades are really important for medical school, I think, but even that might be overblown?
My middle son drove me crazy with his grades. He took six years to get through college. And now at age 32, he’s a chemist for the state, monitoring water quality near a nuclear plant, which is a big important thing. I can hardly believe they trust him to do it, but they keep promoting him. As an A student, this was awful to me, but it worked for him.
I don’t know if this is helpful because I’ve gathered that maybe your kids are going to more impressive schools than I did ;)
But I think my thought process would be along the lines of what the person’s degree is in and how difficult it would be to get a job. For example a C or B average in something like engineering or accounting is likely going to be fine. But a C or B average in something like anthropology or even general business might not be.
As a faculty member who reviews applications for graduate admission—I don’t care about GPA. I care about trajectory, I care about which classes a student struggled in, and I care about the bigger picture of the student’s intellectual development. Often that last piece is something I get insight into through recommendation letters; there is a world of difference between a C-average applicant who has pro forma letters from professors who clearly don’t really know them and a C-average applicant who has letters from professors who say “listen up, you need to look past this kid’s GPA for these reasons.” Edward can’t do anything about last year’s grades, or this year’s, anymore. But what he CAN do is build relationships with faculty members who will write him good letters. He can get involved in research/creative endeavors/internships, whatever is appropriate to his field. He can go to office hours and ask good questions. He can demonstrate in tons of ways that his freshman year was rough but wasn’t the sum total of his potential, and that he knows how to pick up after a failure and keep going.
Tiny little butterfly clips! These are colourful/sparkly, but you can also get them in black, brown and moody colours with a bit of searching.
https://www.amazon.com/Mini-Butterfly-Hair-Claw-Clips/dp/B0DHMS152X/ref=sr_1_8?crid=U49413R3KBK8&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.qyXDwKx1vaYvv0egEpK0Zmyxg6hTe-YU45mUusbgwXiqMo6ZfYmsa-K5CxS8r7RENqIt4cBxhhQagUW6IAwRRoAbmXwhnNgkDpMq55knZsB7XQLIUFO6noa6Rx5ZyqTuS39mufNqmXB_ycONuEVoCNkScd0Q3bpgQ49_r5UjUIzNzx6Tq6_uYJyWg5-Vdexl9Au8tD9s8C-Ep1ciSkCQJpNuIYmVqZsh7f-91othdZIYIsAeGGoU3WrkI_9A7J6Ko50VkKN4UzDXx7Y0_gAbIJkeq6LCKv1xFgU4-KKWM0M.EtmL7AUw0iTYYLAeXc_Tg5pDJkZzuAHW4sUu5FfC5UI&dib_tag=se&keywords=butterfly+hair+clips&qid=1748230249&sprefix=butterfly+hair+clips%2Caps%2C362&sr=8-8
As someone who has worked as an advisor at a large university, the grade really do matter MUCH less than knowledge or hustle. As long as he finishes ( and ideally does at least one internship), he will be better staying at school. And I know you specifically didn’t ask for advice BUT the academic success advisors on your kid’s campus are 12 month employees and if Edward is motivated to start a support relationship now, NOW is the best time for him to set up a meeting. If he does it now he isn’t trying to get time at the busiest part of the year for both him and them. And speaking from ADHD land putting hard/annoying/embarrassing things off until later leads to putting them off indefinitely. If he has a pre-existing relationship it will be easier to encourage him to go later.
Sorry if this was too pushy
Devil’s advocate: it took me a long time to realize how to not get A’s. Let me explain. I knew how to complete all of the readings, study thoroughly for tests, take notes in class, etc. If you do this all the time for all of your classes, it takes over your life. Which is fine! Maybe even admirable. But eventually I decided that I needed more balance, and needed time to work, socialize, do laundry, not burn out, etc. it was difficult for my to figure out how to dial it back. Maybe Edward has learned how to complete school without it overtaking his life? OR he is doing it backwards from me, which is just as fine. Maybe he already knows balance, and he just has to dial up the effort. Or, he has dialed up the effort to an appropriate amount (maintaining scholarships.)
Also, I don’t know what his major is, but my friends who were engineering majors were thrilled to get 2.5 GPA’s, and worked harder than I ever had to in my major. And now they are gainfully employed engineers. For really difficult majors, I think passing is the same as acing the class.
My 90s fashion choices included ultra baggy jeans (JNCO!), Airwalks, and teeny little crop tops made of ridiculous, shiny polyester.
The Edward thing sounds very stressful, and I’m glad he is dealing with it, and that the scholarship remains intact.
At this point, it sounds like he’s making progress. And he gets to keep the scholarship, so it must be okay with the school. This happened with my first boy, and he stopped sharing grades with us after the first rough semester. We had to yield to the fact he was an adult making choices. Probably better for our blood pressure. He survived and graduated and has a job I a city he wanted to live in, so it might all work out. Second son a completely different story- we found out he withdrew from class/classes in Fall and would not graduate in the spring. But he’s not asking us for money, so , despite what unhappy feelings I have, I have no leverage to intervene. Parenting sucks sometimes.
My daughter has come home from school with muted-colored hair clips – the small, vaguely triangular ones that bend and hold – grays, blues, purples. (The teacher does her hair for fun sometimes while my daughter eats breakfast. It’s a small special needs class so things are very different.) I think the teacher would get them at dollar store or Marshall’s.
Am going to be no help at all, just to get that out of the way. I wore Docs and dresses in university but I think high school was pretty dismal, and I don’t really remember what I wore other than a uniform to school. My daughter has slippery chin-length hair and does nothing other than a scrunchie now and then, so SHE’S no help either.
I think getting a diploma is the main thing – the marks really don’t make much of a difference in the long term. I also don’t think a 70 necessarily means they’re missing 30% of the education, just that they maybe can’t regurgitate it verbatim?
I would advocate for finishing a degree at some point for a practical reason. If your job listing requires or prefers a college degree, the people going through the first culling of all the applicants will throw out an applicant without a degree. I would say finishing higher education counts, grades not so much. If he really wanted to go to a trade school and you were forcing college, obviously the answer is different but it sounds like he wants to stay in school.
It’s intriguing that Edward was willing to dig in to the university policies regarding his situation, that sounds like A student level dedication. How is that question different from his course work?
In high school I had one teacher who really pulled back the curtain and displayed the grades for each of his classes in a histogram of points per student each quarter, on the projector, in class every day. He gave no shits, graded on a curve, and wanted everyone to know where they stood at all times. Public shaming works for me, so I did great in that class (freshman biology), and was mystified by the people who didn’t. The thing about the curve, though, is that not every student can get a top grade, because math. I myself didn’t do especially well in the first two years of college, when I was taking pre reqs and distribution requirements. I did much better when I got to junior year and classes of my choosing and more closely related my my major.
How do we feel about Shein? That’s where my daughter gets her clippies. They have stars, sunflowers- which were a real 90s hallmark-, all manner of colors and sizes and styles, all for alarmingly cheap. I know it’s not everybody’s bag, but I wanted to relay.
Probably not what you’re looking for re: hair clippies BUT the description made me think of My So-Called Life, specifically Rayanne Graff and her hair. I think I need to watch it again right now.
In the 90s, I was a big fan of glittery bobby pins, especially the dark colored ones for a bit of edge (according to my evangelical, homeschooled standards).
https://www.amazon.com/JYvivid-Glittering-Colorful-Barrettes-Accessories/dp/B0F24FYJF9/
I just want to (gently) push back on “if a student is getting a 70% in a class, they may be missing 30% of the education they’re paying for”. Unless that 70/30% split is based solely on attendance (ie, they’ve attended 70% of classes and skipped 30%), I don’t think it necessarily correlates to the education they’re receiving. Some people are great at tests and classwork, some people are not, but it doesn’t (necessarily) mean that they’re learning in a lesser way than the ones who can ace a test.
I haven’t read every comment about clips because time. But my remembrance is that I wore baby tees and dark lipstick and had a short chunky haircut and I was NOT a pastel or butterflies girl, so I took chunky clips/bobby pins and painted them with my glitter nail polish. And I felt very cool.
Ha ha, yes, mother. I recently saw an IG reel (I’m dating myself here) about Chunking as a plan for studying. Like you separate your weekend, say, into chunks of time – Friday Night, Saturday morning, Saturday afternoon, Saturday night, Sunday morning, Sunday afternoon, Sunday night and that’s seven chunks of time and you plan your studying around that. The woman in the video explained it much better but of course I can’t find it. Anyway, when I get these reels in my feed, I forward them to my (12th and 11th grade) students because I don’t really know how to tell them how to study but I can’t stop myself from worrying about it and am hoping something will stick. My kids seem so worried with grades and numbers and scores and not so much worried about the actual LEARNING and getting ready for HIGHER LEARNING. I’m sure I was the same way but it’s frustrating.
Oh and I think of clips like this when I think of the 90’s and this seems to be what my girls want lately: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08HQRJ24N?tag=usdedynamicse-20&th=1