You wanted to discuss my uterus, right? Oh good, me too!

I finally worked up the nerve to talk with my OB about the risks of having another baby: I’d be over 35, and I’ve had four c-sections. I’ve been wanting to ask about it, but I was worried he’d do what a lot of people do when I mention wanting a sixth baby, which is to suggest I have a psychological problem. I think this is funny when it’s kidding (one of the best moments of my pregnancy with Henry was hearing a librarian joyfully shout “ARE YOU CRAZY??” in a quiet library), but some people are serious.

This’ll vary from family tree to family tree, but in my parents’ generation, two kids is typical. In my grandparents’ generation, three or four kids is typical. In my great-grandparents’ generation, five or six kids is typical. A set of my great-great grandparents had nine kids, including twins twice. And a set of my great-great-great grandparents had eleven children like it weren’t no thing. On Baby #6, my female ancestors were just getting warmed up.

My OB earned points by acting as if it could be just as psychologically normal to have six kids today as it was 100 years ago. He opened my file and looked at the surgical reports and medical history. He said he didn’t see anything in my file that would argue against trying for another baby if I wanted one.

I tucked that information under my ribs. I keep peeking at it.

I am having SO MUCH FUN with a site Paul found for me called Postcrossing. I collect postcards, but I’d like this site anyway: you send postcards to random people, and different random people send postcards to you. Hm. That does not sound like so much fun when I type it out, but I LOVE this thing and think you should try it. Even PAUL is trying it now, after seeing how much fun I was having.

If you want to try it, I’m giving away a “starter kit” over at Milk & Cookies. And when I say “starter kit,” I mean I’m taking five blank postcards from my stash, adding five 94-cent international-postcard-rate stamps, and calling it a kit.

Sleeping is a KER-RAZY thing to do. It doesn’t seem that way when I’m having an easy time sleeping: I do my whole day, and then I climb into my nice soft bed and go to sleep until morning. Perfectly natural! Any children’s book can explain to you how it works!

But when I’m NOT sleeping, and I’m the only one awake in a house of sleeping people and animals, it seems like something out of a science fiction novel. Something about androids, maybe. They need to power down for 8 hours to recharge. The lights in their eyes go dark, and their limbs go slack. They need to be properly stored or they’ll collapse to the floor and be damaged.

That IS what it’s like. At night, human beings must find a safe place to lie down, because our bodies are going to lose consciousness. There we all are in our dark houses, unconscious, while hour after hour goes by unnoticed and unfilled. Picture those houses, stretched out across the miles, all quiet and still. CREEPY.

When I write my thesis on this (tentative title: “Sleep: That Sh*t Ain’t Right”), I plan to study in depth why there isn’t more looting. It seems like we’re easy targets, lying there with our slack limbs and lightless eyes.

I’m on watch, though. You go ahead and sleep.

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Pay-it-forward updates:

My Life is showing the giftie she got.

Sticky Feathers has a new contest up.

Scenic Overlook has TWO contests up.

I really do like you guys an awful lot. I keep meaning to say so. Often when I write a post, I don’t get back to the computer for hours and hours, and when I do, I go through the comments one by one, and I’m laughing and delighted and clenching my teeth at your cuteness and funniness. I just want to SQUEEZE you. And I think, “I should tell them so!”—but then it’s the next day before I write my next post, and by then all I’m doing is trying to get One! More! Sentence! written before I have to read Skippyjon Jones AGAIN or clean up spilled cereal AGAIN or take someone to the potty AGAIN or clean up an accident AGAIN, so I’m all head-down-and-to-the-task, and I don’t mention it. But I really do like you a lot, and I think of you often while I’m reading Skippyjon and vacuuming cereal and so forth.

Here are just a few, a sparse few, of the things you’ve written that have given me that rush of love feeling:

The New Girl. OMG, could I agree with her more about the acceptance of good news and the delivery of bad news? NO I COULD NOT.

Flack & Proud has a whole sidebar section of Unsolicited Advice for Women, and this one is probably my favorite.

Semi-Desperate Housewife asks an interesting question about how your parents raised you, and also I loved what she said about “It’s just my thing”.

Lippy on Life is discussing a dilemma I know ALL TOO WELL: how to decide whether or not to have another baby (she’s accepting votes!).

Not that You Asked… is so funny about how mean she is when she’s pregnant. I read, like, half of it out loud to Paul, but for some reason he was looking at me pointedly instead of gasping with laughter the way I was.

This post at Through the Looking Glass made me crack up again and again and again. Every time I hit a new “HUGE GAP IN CONSCIOUSNESS” I was off again (and again and again).

Princess Nebraska BLEW MY MIND with this post about what she’s not good at. This is the kind of post everyone reads and immediately wants to copy.

Eleanor Q. has written some helpful hints for a successful naptime. My favorite part was “The legs, preparing for their fall,” with the cute photo of baby legs, but I also laughed pretty hard about the way most people suck their thumbs.

Under Construction taught me to make salt caramels, and how I lived life before salt caramels I don’t know.

Miz S’s post about health fads would be worth it for the title alone, even if the rest of the post weren’t also awesome.

Yesterday I threw out six trash bags of trash from our house. SIX trash bags. And that’s just the TRASH: not stuff “good enough to give away,” but containers of dried-out Play-Doh, scattered beads, a stack of Gymboree gift boxes I’m never going to use, cheap trinket-type toys, paper airplanes, and pieces of broken toys.

This is the kind of task that is equal parts satisfying and discouraging. The satisfaction is obvious: six bags of trash removed is a clear improvement. But it’s also so discouraging: how did things get this bad? and how can there still be so much left to do?

The clutter book I’m reading is equal parts annoying and useful. I think all self-help books are annoying, and this one keeps cheesing me off with its tone. But here are the useful things I’m already putting into practice:

1) You can only have as much stuff as you have room for.

2) If it’s so important, why is it in a never-opened box in the basement?

3) Stop bringing more stuff IN.

4) If you’re not using it, give it to someone who can, or else get rid of it.

5) What does this item represent?

That last one is for things like, why am I saving a big pile of still-in-their-packages child-proofing devices, when it’s clear that if we haven’t used them by Baby #5 we’re not GOING to use them? And the answer is that when I own these items, it makes me feel like I own Safety. It also applies to things like books, where people often feel that they’ve purchased Information. And it applies to heirlooms and keepsakes that are in boxes in the basement, where people often feel like they’re storing Memories they’d otherwise lose.

I find this concept exceedingly cheezy—and yet useful and applicable, which explains why I’m a little crabby. It turns out I am saving a number of things in case of Apocalyptic Situations and/or Economic Depressions. I feel like if I have piles of fabric and twenty-five pounds of dried beans, then I will be all set in case of zombies, nuclear disaster, and/or economic ruin.

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Pay-it-forward updates:

Cookiemonks has her new contest up—it’s Etsy-themed, with a choice of prizes.

You know, one of the problems with tackling clutter is it gets SO MUCH WORSE before it gets better. Working on it makes me SEE it. Also, with toys: I’d like to be able to give away some of the toys that are perfectly good—but of course, pieces are all tangled up with other pieces, and some pieces are probably under the bureau, and ARRRRGGGG!! Forget it!!

I have been such a crab about it, you would not believe it. Snapping at people! Making sarcastic remarks! Doing something I hate when other people do it, which is to make exasperated noises and fling a project down, saying “ARRRRGGGG!! Forget it!!” BAD BEHAVIOR.

Also, it’s pretty crabbifying to look at all the stuff going in the trash: all the stuff I thought the kids would like, all the little things I bought on a whim or after careful thought, all the presents—going right back out of the house. I realize that’s The Way of Material Things (it’s not like I imagined them playing for years with a straw doll), but it’s depressing to see so much of it at once.

Speaking of material, let me set you to work on a Clutter Challenge. I make the kids’ beds with bottom sheets and pillowcases only. The top sheets, brand-new and with factory folds, I keep in a stack in a closet. I probably have a dozen of them, or maybe more. It’s perfectly good fabric!

If we DID go into a Depression Era, I could make clothing out of it! Or curtains! I’d just have to learn to sew! I’d be kicking myself so hard if I’d thrown out enormous pieces of beautiful, brand-new cloth. Some of them are such pretty patterns!

Or, I could use it to make reusable fabric wrapping paper: I bought fabric ribbon on 75-90% off last Christmas for this very purpose.

Or, we might want to use them as sheets again some day. Never mind that the bottom sheets are much more worn, and/or wearing out completely and getting thrown out.

Or, I could offer them to one of you—maybe someone who makes quilts and could use big pieces of fabric. But fabric is heavy to ship.

Or…what?

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Pay-it-forward updates:

My Version of the Story is showing the giftie she got and posting a new contest (it ends tonight, so hurry!).

Not the Daddy has a new contest up.

Living and Learning says there are only a few entries on her contest, so the odds are in your favor if you enter.

When I finally get around to appointing my Cabinet, I’m making Akimbo my Chief Science Adviser. She is a real scientist, and she talked me down out of a full-fledged virus fret at ONE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING. I need someone like that on my full-time staff. I’m sorry, Akimbo, but I’m going to need you to work nights.

Of course then my worry mutated, like the virus I worried would mutate. But still! That was some impressive scientific service! And would you guys please click through and give her a hard time for only having ONE single post on her whole blog? We obviously need her to tell us MORE SCIENCE. Even after I started worrying about mutated viruses, I thought to myself, “Akimbo would have thought of that, because she is a scientist. And SHE says SHE is not worried.” And I went to sleep.

Still looking for a Chief Spelling Adviser: it took me several minutes to figure out that it wasn’t “advisor” (or “cheif”).

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Pay-it-forward updates:

Semi-Desperate Housewife is showing the giftie she got, and posting a new contest.

I’m up late, doing what I am nearly always doing when I’m up late: worrying.

This time it started because I like to have something to watch on TV while I’m stirring the fudge, and I’d finished my disc of The Wire so I just turned it to PBS. It was a program about this awesome thing they’ve discovered: a way to generate stem cells from regular old adult skin cells, instead of in controversial ways. The problem is that the way they get the skin cells to do this is by introducing a special kind of virus. And that virus! Oh, guess what? It causes cancer! They showed lumpy pink mice.

Well, and they’re working on that. But in the meantime, is that not the makings of an apocalyptic novel? A virus some scientists are using for good, but have not yet perfected! It escapes! The whole world gets cancer and dies, except for the select few who will now spend their time plundering stores, figuring out how to fix a broken leg with no doctor, and trying to contact other survivors!

So there I am, lying awake picturing my children—and everyone else’s children—dying of cancer. Oh, the weight of all that imaginary human pain! And I was cursing myself for having so MANY children. Why did I have any children at all after the first one, when I realized his continued existence was absolutely essential to my continued will to live? I was trying to lay in reserves, but instead I dramatically decreased my odds of living my life’s dream: dying as an old lady who never had anything truly bad happen to one of her children.

Well, so you can see why I had to get up and bask in the light of the computer. Seasonal Affective Disorder can be treated with UV lights; Nighttime Worrying Disorder can be treated with monitor light.

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Pay-it-forward updates:

Living in Maryland is showing the giftie she got, and posting her new contest.

Pink Elefant is starting a new contest.

Today I had a happy alignment of the stars/schedules that resulted in 40 minutes with no children, so I ran over to look at flooring samples for our new dining room. We’re converting a porch (i.e., “junk dumping ground”), and when I say “we” I mean “my dad and various hired professionals,” because between us Paul and I have JUST enough do-it-yourself talent to plug in our own appliances without requiring outside assistance.

These seven samples are just a starting place. It’s the “I don’t have any idea what I’m looking for, and I have less than half an hour to look, so let’s get a little from all over the spectrum and see what opinions start to emerge” run. But all of them are from the more expensive section of the vinyl racks, because I always want to impress the salesperson with my refined taste.

B is my clear, hands-down favorite. I lovvvvvvvvve it. It is so gorgeous. The colors are gorgeous. I feel like I could just stare at it for years and never get sick of it. Each square is different colors and patterns.

But as my dad points out, it’s important not to confuse “the one that would look best framed as wall art” with “the one that would be best as a floor”—and B is very dark and very dramatic. Sometimes what’s best for a floor is “the one that disappears and you don’t notice it.” Especially if you are not much for keeping floors clean (*ahem*).

This photo is a little unfair, because more flash got on the lower three, and so they look cheaper and shinier. It’s also unfair because from this distance A, F, and G disappear completely: you can’t even see that A has a very pretty leaf-imprint pattern and that G has a very pretty vintage-y light green vines-and-leaves pattern (maybe if you click to see it bigger?). Well, and F really IS that boring, but I thought it was a good one for a “disappearing” option.

C and D look a lot like real stone, but I’m worried that will be too cold-looking in a room that doesn’t get much light. My dad’s favorite is C; he says he thinks D looks fake: it has “shadow-effect” (deliberate dark line along the edges of the stone) that doesn’t succeed and instead makes it look fakey.

The woman I talked to at the flooring place said E is the one that ends up looking really good almost no matter what. It comes in a number of colors, and she says she always thinks “meh” when someone chooses it, but then when she sees the finished job it looks terrific. Of all seven, it’s the one that most bores me. Well, no, I guess F is a little more boring, but at least F has the “look, ma, no lines!” thing going on, and I’d be interested to see how that would work out.

Well, I’ll be interested to see what Paul thinks. Or I will be, until he says “blech” about all the ones I like best. Right now, B is the one that makes my heart pound faster (it’s even more gorgeous in person), and none of the others seem right—but some of them seem CLOSE and I’d want to go back and see if I could find “something like this but darker” or “something like this but less cold-looking” or “something like this but more interesting.”

Let’s vote! What’s your favorite, and why?

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Pay-it-forward updates:

Sublime Bedlam has a new contest up.

Moo’s Moo is showing the giftie she got, and posting a new contest.

Darn Happy is showing the giftie she got, and posting a new contest.