Marcy writes:

My husband and I are elated to be expecting our third child, gender unknown, due in June.  This little one is a surprise, but one we welcome and anticipate with great joy!  My husband is still exhausted of the naming talk of a year ago (when we named our youngest), but I am already turning all the options over in my mind.  I need a sounding board, and some great ideas.  When my friend Amy and I were both pregnant with our second daughters last year, you helped her choose the name Eliza, and I have full confidence that Swistle is just the place for us to find our third child’s name.

We have a lot of time, but with 13 nieces and nephews and lots of friends with good name taste, many of my favorites are already taken (or a too-similar variant has been used).  We spend a LOT of time with our extended family.  So, while I’m sure others wouldn’t worry a bit about similar cousin names, it would definitely cause concern for us.  Most of the cousins attend the same church and are engaged in regular playtime/activities together.  And of course Gram Gram would never figure out who’s who with names too similiar!

We would love your input for both boy and girl names!  We’re wide open when it comes to boys’ names, though something more classic/traditional likely suits us best.  For a girl, her middle name will be Louise, after my mother.  I could consider it for a first name as well, but right now I’m leaning towards Louise for the middle.  I don’t like the idea of modifying Louise to Louisa or Elouise.  I want to keep it as is.

My name is Marcy and my husband is Daniel. Our daughters are named Amelia Mae and Norah Lane.     Our last name sounds like Sherman. 

Amelia’s name rang in at #55 on the SSN list for her year (was #68 on the list when we chose it, and we had no idea it would see such a jump.  It was up to #30 by 2011!), and Norah at #263 with the H (#137 without it, so a bit higher than that combined).  Like most folks, I think we’d prefer something outside the top 100, but really we’re open to even a very common name, if it really is the perfect one for our baby.

A few of our “dont’s”:

• Rhyming with our names, with sibling names, or with the middle name or last name;  
• Name or nn too similar to Amelia’s (Millie/Mil – and her sister calls her Mimi)
• Name or nn too similar to Norah’s (Nor, Norrie, Noley – her sister’s name for her before she could say it properly)
• Aything that would be nicknamed Ellie or Emmy or Addie (sooo common around here!);
• Anything that causes a lispy-ness in the transition from the end of the first or middle name to the last name this includes most names ending in s).  That SH sound can be rough!

I’ll begin with girls, since we have it a little more together in that arena!  Currently under consideration for a girl are Vivian/Vivien/Vivienne (spelling preference, anyone?), to be called Viv/Vivy/Vivie and Josie.  Both seem to work with Louise so it’s not a bad place to start.  I do like Josephine for the full name, to be called Josie, but my husband does not like it, preferring Josie as-is. I think I could get into Violet too, but I feel like it only flows with Louise if it’s prnounced “Vie-let” instead of “Vi-o-let”.  How would most folks pronounce it?

In light of our close family and heap of cousins, these favorites of mine are OFF the table:

• Clara (niece named Claire)
• Anna (niece named Hannah)
• Ada (niece named Ava)
• Julia (niece named Julia Elizabeth)
• Eliza (friend’s daughter.)
• Celia (same friend’s older daughter)
• Micah (we almost named our first Micah Marie, but changed late in the game to Amelia Mae afte rmy husband and I started swooning over Mae.  We now have very dear friends with a baby boy name Micah, so it’s permanently nixed.
• Abigail (niece name) – Although I wouldn’t choose this with Louise anyway becasue of the L at the end
• Chloe (friend’s daughter)

We’re struggling a little (okay, a LOT) more with a boy’s name.  With our previous pregnancies, names considered for a boy were Cael Arthur (after my grandpa, Arthur), Grayson Paul (decided we really just like Gray, not Grayson or Grady as much), Charles (after my other grandpa) and Wilcox (my mother in law’s maiden name). 

Cael is out now due to nephews named both Kade and Caleb.  I liked the name, but it was really my husband’s pick. And Wilcox is already used as well.

Gray is still in the mix, as well as Charles and Paul (Daniel’s middle name).  Although I actually prefer to use Daniel over Paul if we use my husband’s name.  I love the name Daniel!  :)  Of course I’m not sure what’s best to pair it with.  If we use it, I’d like it as a middle name instead of a first, to avoid confusion.  We also like Henry.  I Iike Mac/Mack (a nod to my maiden name, which is an Irish Mc name), but it’s so much more casual than most of the other names we like.  It’s probably not for us. I have just as I sit and type decided I like Benjamin, too. But we just aren’t LOVING anything yet, and the list of names we like doesn’t seem to be producing any amazing combinations.

I’ve listed a mix of my nephews’ first and middle names below.  These are names we’d like to avoid. I think we can avoid the names on the Friends list too, though it’s less of a priority:

FAMILY: Kade, Reed, August, Wilcox, Shepard, Wiliam, Adam, Joel, Wade, Kenneth, Caleb

FRIENDS: Micah, Jack, Christopher, Edison/Eddie, Isaac

My husband has vetoed James (he’s not sure why, since we both like the name, but he just knows that’s not it!) and Benjamin (I just asked him – same as with James – it’s just not THE name, even though it’s a name he likes). Finneus/Finneas/Phineas. I suggested Finneus Gray – which he says sounds like a storybook character and not a real person. :)  We also would not likely choose anything like Cooper, Carter, Parker, Hudson, etc.

I actually love August (a family name and one of the nephews’ names).  It’s obviously taken, but something with that vibe might be nice.  And I love Wiliam, as well as its nickname, Will.  It’s nice to find a name that can sound both formal and a little serious (August/William) and also ornery (Gus/Will).

I sincerely hope you can help us wade through this mire of names before our heads explode trying to work it through on our own!

Thanks so much for your consideration!

I realize we’re still a long way from our due date, and I’m really trying not to get all Shawshank Redemption on you by sending a new email every day/week/month, but as a quick update, I wanted you do know that my husband has now vetoed ALL of the girl names on our current list, save Josie.  Which I do like, but am not convinced enough to commit to.  EXHAUSTING.  You can see why we need to get an early start on this! :)  Anyway, I will do my best to restrain myself from begging/pleading/groveling for assistance (at least until we find out the gender :)).  I am having so much fun reading your site for inspiration in the meantime!

Name update! Marcy writes:

I really enjoyed all the feedback and ideas from you readers and from your many other posts! Thanks for posting my question! Your method of listing out all of the name options as well as listing the names within the sibling set was easy to put into practice on my own and extremely helpful to us.

We found out a week ago that we are having a girl, our third!  We are thrilled!

Despite working around a long list of “taken” names we liked, as well as sorting through our sometimes different naming preferences, my husband and I managed to produce a list of five names that pleased us both.   We finally landed on June Louise, which we both LOVE!

June entered the game late, since I had to decide if a June born in June was perfect, too cheesy, or maybe just didn’t matter.   Once I settled on it being perfect (my husband’s great Aunt June was a June born in June, also!), June quickly rose to the top of our mutual list, and won out over the others [the full list of names we could agree on included: Caroline Louise, Miriam Louise (my 2nd pl vote), Mariah Louise and Halle Louise (his 2nd pl vote)].

My pets that didn’t pass the husband test included: Louise Adele (I love, love, love this, but I don’t feel sad about not using it, since I’m now certain this baby is June!), Vivian Louise (the name I wanted for our next girl before we were even expecting, but that husband never loved) and Magnolia Faye (I think this felt too southern and unusual to the mister, but I discovered it on your site and couldn’t help but swoon!  I also didn’t want to give up Louise, but I liked Magnolia much better with Faye, and I my husband actually does like Faye).

Thanks so much!

K. writes:

We are expecting our first baby, a little girl, in early December and have yet to settle on a name. In my family, there is a strong tradition of passing along family names; I am a seventh generation Hephzibah, although I go by my middle name. I feel somewhat compelled to pass along Hephzibah, but the baby will be taking my husband’s last name, Budzick, which makes for a lot of B and Z sounds. If we don’t use Hephzibah, I would like to have some family name connection to my side. Other family names on my side that I’ve considered for middle names are Catharine and Caroline.

First names that are on our list right now are Eloise, Esther, and Nora.

Which combinations with the family names would you suggest with our first names, or can you suggest any other first names that might work? I hope you can help. Is there any way to gracefully incorporate Hephzibah?

Thank you!

This letter has languished in my inbox while I wring my hands over it. On one hand, I can’t advise ditching an 8th-generation name; on the other hand, the zi-bah-bud-zi of Hephzibah Budzick is a significant hurdle. What are the odds that of all the surnames in this world, it would be one that specifically challenged the use of the specific family name?

Well. It would not be the worst trial a child has ever faced. I see less-than-ideal name combinations all the time in credits and class lists. And if she went by a middle name as you do, she could have the family name and yet avoid most of the name awkwardness. In fact, we could maybe even spin the combination as awesome: two Z’s! two B’s! A very memorable and distinctive name!

Or Hephzibah could be the middle name.

Or is there room to consider not using your husband’s surname?

I think it comes down to how you feel about it. I can’t tell from the letter if you want to use the name, or if it’s only a feeling of obligation to keep up the tradition. Have you been glad to have the name yourself? Do you think you would have felt unhappy if your parents had been the one to drop the tradition?

As Rita pointed out in a comment on another post about naming traditions, all naming traditions eventually get dropped, so it’s just a matter of which set of parents drops it. It seems to me that the set of parents to drop it should be the first set that doesn’t want to use the name. My in-laws dropped a “since our ancestors came from the old country” naming tradition when they named Paul, and Paul and I were both so very grateful; if they hadn’t dropped it, we would have.

It’s completely different, though, if you love the naming tradition and WANT to keep it. And it’s an ancient name with a wonderful meaning (according to The Oxford Dictionary of First Names: “my delight is in her”—i.e., in the daughter), and it’s an important name in your family. Those things seem to me to dwarf the surname issue if you’d like to continue to pass down the name.

If you decide not to use it as the first name, I do think I’d advise using it as the middle. Any of your first name options work with it. I think my favorite is Eloise, since it plays up the repeating Z sound in the three names.

If you decide not to use Hephzibah at all, my favorite combinations are Eloise Caroline, Esther Catherine, and Nora Catherine—but I liked both middle names with Eloise and Esther. (I was more opinionated about Nora because I didn’t like the “ora” of Nora with the “aro” of Caroline.)

A few similar first names: Eliza, Louisa, Eleanor.

Name update! K. writes:

I wrote to you for advice a couple of months ago about what to name our baby girl. Well, she arrived (finally) on December 18, healthy and beautiful. I really appreciated your thoughtful response to my particular situation and all of the commenters’ opinions as well. I was surprised at the overall positive response to my family name, Hephzibah, and it affirmed my feeling that I really did want to pass it on to my daughter. In the end, we chose it for her middle name, which seemed like the perfect solution. So, watch out world, because Eloise Hephzibah Budzick has arrived!

Thanks so much for your help!

Megan writes:

My husband and I have a 16 month old named Finnian.  We absolutely love his name and want to find one we love as much for his sibling due in February.   The gender is going to be a surprise, so we don’t know if Finn will have a brother or sister.

Here’s the thing,  I have a list of girl names picked out that my husband and I both really like.  I would be completely happy naming the baby any of them, so I’m not to worried on that account.  We are having no luck with boy names, however.

There aren’t any family names that we would particularly like to use. We are Roman Catholic and prefer that the name have a saint associated with it, although my husband doesn’t really like the style of Old Testament names. I would love a name that sounds good with Finnian, but not too “matchy” (like Kieran, Cian, Brendan, or Killian).

Here are the names we’ve considered so far:

Peter Campion- I like Peter a lot, but don’t love the nn Pete,  love the mn Campion, after Edmund Campion

Benedict- This one has gotten turned down because of the generally negative connotations of Eggs Benedict, Benedict Arnold, and the teasing potential in the ending (DH hates Benjamin so that’s a no go

Leo- I really like this name, but is becoming much too popular for my taste.  I’m afraid of picking too trendy a name, because I was one of a what seems like a million Megans born in the late 80s

Blaise- I love this name, unusual but not unheard of.  DH really can’t get on board with it, however

Beckett- I like this name a lot, but DH says only as a middle name.

Our last name sounds like “Roomy,” but with a “T.”
Can you and your readers give us some other boy name suggestions?

p.s. Here are the girl names we like to give you a better idea of our style : Genevieve (nn Evie), Bridget, Gwendolyn, and Mariel

Thanks so much,

I’m not Roman Catholic, but I have the Saints section of The Baby Name Wizard. Without knowing any of the stories behind the names, I’d pick out:

Aidric
Bertrand
Brogan
Colman
Cormac
Darius
Declan
Edmund
Elias
Felix
Ivan
Marek
Ronan
Sebastian
Silas
Xavier

If you like Blaise, I wonder if you’d like Blaine.

If you like Beckett and Benedict, I wonder if you’d like Bennett—perhaps with a saint’s name as the middle name.

Would you want to consider Campion as the first name? Or using Edmund instead of (or in addition to) Campion?

Leo is somewhat more popular than Finn/Finnian (the Social Security Administration has Leo at #167 in 2011, near George, Alan, Maddox, Jonah, and Kenneth), but nowhere near the popularity of the name Megan—a Top 10 name in the 1980s. In 1985, there were over 20,000 new baby girls named Megan and another 4665 named Meghan; in 2011, there were 2226 new baby boys named Leo and 2631 named Leonardo. Even combining Leo and Leonardo and yet not counting Meagans and Meaghans and Megs (so, building up the Leos unfairly high, while reducing the Megans unfairly low), there were more than five times as many Megans per classroom in the 1980s than there are Leos per classroom now. My main hesitation about Leo would be not its popularity but rather that I think it’s a little awkward with the surname.

Name update! Megan writes:

I wanted to thank you and your readers for all of your advice and input on boys’ names. They gave us some great ideas for the future..  This time, however, we had a baby girl!  Genevieve Noelle was born on Valentine’s day.  Big brother Finnian loves his little sister Gigi!

Thanks again,

Meg writes:

Hello!

Right, here goes! I am not American, nor do I live in America, Buut I do read your site religiously both baby names and regular blog, and have done since before I had my son, whom your site helped name nearly 2 years ago.

Sooo this feels like the obvious place to come when faced with the challenge of naming baby number 2! So I would be so grateful if you would consider helping me :)

The baby’s surname Will be  Eason and she is a girl :) her big brother’s name is Noah and he has two middle names which id love and would like her to have two middle names too.

She is due end of Jan, but due to complications I had with my son could come earlier (eeep)

Im having a hugely hard time to name her… it seems its a million times harder to name a second baby…. without falling in to a “naming trap!”….. Me and my partner have very different tastes so thats the main issue…

Names I love

Edith (Edie)

Harper (not very popular here … yet!)

Betsy (he hates this name but its my fave!)

Ottilie

As you can see I seem to go more toward what are known as “old lady names”.

Names he loves

Ada

We both don’t mind

Olive

Talulah

Neither of us are crazy for the two names we agree on … they don’t feel like her name ….

 

 Middle name Would most likely be Kate or kitty for family or Bobby also for family but obviously will depend on first name.

So we are getting No where fast! I know we have a little while but with an older sibling I really want to have a for him to call her so when she is born she isn’t stuck with “Baby sister “as her name for months and months (this has happened to some of our friends) Im trying to stay away from the top 10 names (Noah wasn’t top 10 here when I picked it :P) But it isn’t the end of the world if its the right name and its slightly more popular than i’d hoped … Im really hoping that having another countries spin on this will help to, shine some light on some names we would have never thought of …. ? maybe! ha

Anyway thank you!!

The first names that come to mine are Hazel and Lila. Then Harriet.

When I saw Edith on your list, I first thought of Ruth, and then of Esther, then of Estelle, then of Dorothy/Dorothea and Martha and Lilith. Then I saw Talulah and thought of Tabitha, which made me think of Thora and Matilda.

Ada makes me think of Ava, and also of Ida and Ivy and Daisy and Jada and Dahlia and Deirdre. With Edith, it makes me think of Agatha.

Olive makes me think of Hazel and Lila as mentioned before, but also of Livia and Silvia and Willa.

Talulah makes me think of Lila and Tabitha as mentioned before, and also of Lucille and Lucy and Louisa and Eloise.

If he wouldn’t mind YOU calling her Betsy as long as he didn’t have to, it would be sweet to name her Elizabeth or Elsbeth or something similar (I see The Baby Name Wizard mentions Bettina) and have Betsy as a special nickname only you call her. Or you could use Elizabeth as one of her middle names, and then you can call her Betsy from that. Or of course you can just call her Betsy with nothing connecting it to her name—I can picture cooing “Aren’t you my sweet little betsy-boo?” to a baby as an endearment rather than as a name.

Name update! Meg writes:

Hi !
I can’t believe the pregnancy has flown by so fast and now here I am with my one month old baby daughter!
We went back and forth over names, I added many of beautiful names suggested by your brilliant readers to my list, and we got to her being just over a week old before we finally settled on a name listening to how important it seems to have choice with a name we went for one with nicknames for choice.

Darwin Bobby Violet
We call her Winnie and dee dee, the bobby part became more important when she arrived on my brother Roberts birthday!
Violet as v names are a family tradition on my partners side.

Thank you so much for all your help :)
(I have attached a photo :))

S. writes:

I have been following your blog for a long time and love reading your baby naming advice. I am hoping that you and your readers can offer some suggestions on a name for our baby girl.

This past June my little brother (and only sibling) passed away unexpectedly after a horrible accident. He was only 25 years old. Being not far apart in age, we were always really close, and so it goes without saying that losing him has been incredibly difficult.

Two days after he died, and after almost a year of trying, my husband and I found out that we were having a baby.  This is our first, and we are beyond excited. Our little girl is due on March 8th.

When I first found out that I was pregnant, I knew without a doubt that I would honor my brother somehow with our baby’s name. My brother’s name was Jordan, spelled with an “i” between the “J” and the “o.” My parents did this because the Italian version is Giordano and they wanted that to be represented in his name. My maiden name is very Italian, so it worked. I decided that I wanted to use his name as our baby’s middle name, regardless of whether we had a boy or girl.

Now that we know we are having a girl, we are having a hard time finding a name that sounds good with my brothers name.  I know it’s always more challenging to pick a first name to go with a middle name than the other way around, but we are beginning to think that because of our situation, we might just have to live with the fact that our daughter’s first and middle names may not go together as well as we would like.

Our last name is Welch, spelled with an “s” instead of a “c.” We have a good list of boys names that we love, but not so many girls names.  For girls I tend to like to antique charm and androgynous names.  Our favorite right now is Avery, but I think Avery would sound best with a feminine middle name, like Elise or Isabella. If we used it, our daughter will have two androgynous names. I’m not sure if this would cause an issue for her. The other girl name we really like is Alivia (or Alyvia). I love the name Olivia, but it is so popular now and Alivia sounds to me like a fresh version of it. What are your thoughts on this name? Which spelling do you prefer? Another name I like is Ainsley because it would go great with our Irish last name, but my husband does not like it (same with Aubrey).

Our list of boy names is below:
Liam
Oliver
Declan (Dex)
Finley (Finn)
Evan
Porter
Hudson

We would like to have 3 or 4 kids.

We would love to hear any advice or suggestions that you and your readers have.  This baby is bringing so much joy to our lives during a time when we really need it, and we want to give her a name that she will hopefully one day love and be proud of. Thank you!!!

I agree: there are situations where other issues trump flow and style, and this is one of those situations. I think people can get stuck when they try to have it both ways: a crucial preference AND perfect flow / style / everything else.

I also agree that since you have a variety of names you like, it would be nice to choose one of the more obviously feminine ones with a unisex middle name. You could save Avery for a future child, or you could see if you like any similar-but-more-feminine names such as Ava or Avaleigh.

The question about whether to use a different spelling of a name will get you every answer from the entire spectrum. Some will think it makes it completely different in a positive/fresh way; others will think it’s exactly the same but with the addition of a complicated spelling issue; still others will think it makes it completely different but in a negative way. And pretty much everyone thinks it depends on the particular name and the particular spelling/pronunciation variation: Madison/Maddisynn is a different issue than, say, Isobel/Isabelle, or Catherine/Katharine. I’ve noticed a lot of negative word choices being used by both sides of such discussions, so clearly it’s an emotionally loaded topic.

My own personal opinion is that I’d generally prefer to use a common name than to use a re-spelling or alternate spelling of a common name, and that I would myself prefer to be a Kristen than a Kristynn. Others will feel THE EXACT OPPOSITE: they will FAR prefer to change the spelling of a name, and they will have always wished their own names had a more interesting spelling. Furthermore, one of my children has an alternate spelling of a common name (it’s an honor name, and we used the honoree’s spelling), so clearly my opinion is only general, and is considerably flexible.

I wonder if you’d like:

Ava
Avaleigh
Avelyn
Avianna
Cecily
Eliza
Ellery
Eva
Eve
Genevieve
Ivy
Lila
Livia
Liviana
Savannah
Silvia
Victoria
Vienna
Violet
Vivian/Vivienne

I notice that some of my favorite combinations are the ones that would give you a 3-2-1 pattern: Genevieve Jordan Welch, Avaleigh Jordan Welch, Livia Jordan Welch, Eliza Jordan Welch, Cecily Jordan Welch. I find I tend to put the names that end in N toward the end of my list, because of the repeating ending with Jordan: I don’t like Avelyn Jordan as much as Avaleigh Jordan, for example.

Because this is your first baby, there are some other issues you may want to consider. If you find you like antique charm AND androgynous names, it can be helpful to think through the subject before choosing any names: would you want to mix them (sisters named Avery and Isabella, for example) and, if not, which style would you prefer to allow to dominate? One good way to mix styles is to do first names in one style and middle names in another; since your first daughter will have a unisex middle name, a pattern of antique charm first name + unisex middle name might work beautifully.

I also think it’s useful to consider ahead of time which names might rule out other names. If you use Alivia this time, will you still want to use Avery later, or would those two names be too similar in sound? If you use Alivia, would you still be able to use Oliver for a future boy? If not, it’s a good time to think about which name you’d prefer to use.

Name update! S. writes:

Thank you to you and your readers for your advice back in October regarding the name of our baby girl. In the end, we chose a name that you suggested to us! We had not considered it previously, but it ended up being the perfect name for our girl and goes wonderfully with her honor middle name. Violet Jiord@n Welch was born on March 10 and we could not be more in love with her or her name!

Thank you again!