Megan writes:

Hi there!!! I am currently pregnant with baby number 5!! My due date isnt until September 3rd but I am a PLANNER!! My husband and I already have 4 wonderful boys that all start with the letter “c”… Oldest to youngest we have Colin James, Connor Stephan, Camden Matthew and Carson Andrew… All of our boys middle names are from other family members!! We already have a girl name picked out ( Chloe Elizabeth) !! Big problem is no boy in sight…. It has to start with a “C” of course but we really have no direction as to which way to go.. The only name we even kindof agree on is Charlie, my husband would like to use William as a middle name (after his stepdad) but Charlie William sounds way too proper for me… Please help with baby boy names using “c” !!Thanks so much!!

I think Charlie is great, and to me it sounds friendly rather than over-proper.

I also like the way it adds a new sound: it still starts with a C, but it’s a Ch- sound instead of Ca- or Co-. I notice when I try out other C names, most of them sound too similar to a C name you already have: Calvin seems too close to Colin; Callum seems too close to Camden and Colin; Cameron seems too close to Camden; Carter seems too close to Carson; Caden seems too close to Camden.

Christian would also be nice for this: the Cr- sound is quite different from the Ca- and Co- sounds.

Or Clayton adds a Cl-.

Caleb might work well, though it’s hard to tell without a surname to try it out with. It adds a new vowel sound and a new consonant sound.

Cabot would also be nice, and adds TWO new consonant sounds.

Or Corbin. Ooo, or Cormac.

Or Colby or Coleman.

Casey is a nice friendly name. Casey William.

If you aren’t trying to keep all the names to two syllables, I suggest Callahan, Cade, Clark, Case, Chance, or Chase.

My mom has brought up another issue with the name Blythe: how is it pronounced? I haven’t even considered that it would be pronounced any way except with a voiced TH (as in bathe or breathe or tithe, as opposed to an unvoiced TH as in bath or breath or Ruth). My mom thinks it can be pronounced either way, or that maybe it’s correctly unvoiced because the word blithe has an unvoiced TH. But neither of us has ever known a single person named Blythe, so we’re not getting anywhere discussing it. (I’ve also never heard Blythe Danner’s name said out loud, or heard people talking about Blythe dolls, or seen an Anne of Green Gables movie with someone saying Gilbert Blythe.)

So let’s see if we can figure this out with a poll over to the right. We need extra-long poll options here, as when we tried to figure out the pronunciation of Rowan/Rowen, because some of us actually KNOW a Blythe and some of us have only seen the name in print: I remember reading a book about a Phoebe and thinking it was pronounced “foh-EEB.” I know this makes the poll bulky, but I think it’s worth it. [Poll closed; see results below.]

[Edited to add: I’m not sure our poll is worth anything, considering the percentage of people who can’t hear the difference between a voice and unvoiced TH. I can picture us all totally in agreement and yet voting opposite options!

Try this exercise. Say “this,” but say the “th” part for a few seconds before ending in the “iss” part: the “th” kind of buzzes the tongue. Now say “think,” and do the same thing: say the “th” part for a few seconds before moving on to the “ink” part. Now it’s just breath/hissing, like a whisper. The word “this” has a voiced TH; the word “think” has an unvoiced TH.

Or try it at the end of the word: say “bath,” but let the end sound go on for awhile. Now say “bathe,” and let the end sound go on for awhile. First no buzzing; then buzzing. Bath is a non-voiced TH; bathe is a voiced TH.

Or try it with breath/breathe. First say “Take a breath,” and extend that TH sound. Now say “Just breathe,” and extend that TH sound. Different, right? Breath doesn’t buzz; breathe does. Breath is the non-voiced TH; breathe is the voiced TH.]

Poll results for “How is the name Blythe pronounced?” (531 votes total):

I know a Blythe; it’s like bathe – 75 votes (14%)
I know a Blythe; it’s like bath – 85 votes (16%)
I know at least one pronounced each way – 4 votes (1%)
I don’t know a Blythe; I thought it was like bathe – 187 votes (35%)
I don’t know a Blythe; I thought it was like bath –  180 votes (34%)

The extremely small number of votes for “I know at least one pronounced each way” is possible support for the theory that the poll is thrown off by so many of us not knowing/hearing the difference between the two ways. If the two pronunciations were used about 50-50, as the “I know a Blythe” categories suggest, it seems likely that more people would know one of each—rather than, as in the comments, knowing SEVERAL Blythes, all of whom pronounce it the same way. Or perhaps its regional?

Joanna writes:

Hi!  My sister sent me the link to your blog after I found out I am pregnant with my first. I have been reading it frequently in my free time.  The task of picking a name is completely overwhelming. I don’t know if the baby is a boy or a girl. We each wrote down a list of our top 5 girl and boy names, then showed each other.  Our last name is Howard. Both of our girl lists had Miriam and Harper. And I like the combination of Harper Miriam (or Margaret, his grandma’s name) or Miriam Harper, and we actually both really like the double H initials. But the girl names really aren’t the problem.

We have NO idea where to start with boy names.  Our boy lists had one name in common, which was Max, but I’m not in love with it.  We both like Silas, but again, not in love with it.  I suppose my question is, how do you even start the name process?  I tried baby wizard, but I think I like too wide a range of names.  

My only dislikes for a name is that it can’t be too unusual that he/she would have to spell/pronounce it for everyone (I had a difficult last name before I married, and that was a pain), and I would prefer it not to be top 10, though I don’t mind top 100. We lean towards Biblical names, both of ours being slightly Biblical (mine Joanna, his Benjamin). But it’s not a must.  I like vintage and older names, but again not a must.  I JUST DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START?  

Our initial lists had:

I picked,

Silas

Isaac

Ezra (which husband immediately vetoed)

Max 

Parker (wild card, I had to add a fifth)

He picked,

Connor (I vetoed)

Donovan (I vetoed)

Max

Clay (I vetoed)

Jarvis (I vetoed because all I think of is Ironman)

Clearly, I’m a bit pickier and I veto more names than husband. Please help give us direction.

Thanks so much!

This is a great topic for a group setting like this. I can tell you how I started, and other people can say how they started, and perhaps one or more of those ways will be ways that would work for you too.

The first baby has its own special challenges (I wrote a post just for first-time parents), because everything is wide open: you can choose from EVERYTHING, and for many people it’s the first time they’ve given much thought to baby names. Even those of us who read baby name books to name our childhood dolls are in it For Real for the first time—and/or are seeing how different it is when there’s another person saying, “Nope, no, no, nope, no way,” etc.

I started by getting a baby name book that wasn’t a baby name dictionary (as in, it was a book that didn’t seem to be padding the list to get the biggest possible number on the cover: “1,000,001 Baby Names If You Count Algratroid and Grinn!!!”) and going through it and writing down every name I could imagine considering. That is, if I found a name that I didn’t think there was any way it would beat out the other ten I’d already written down, or it didn’t seem like it fit with our style, but I still liked the name well enough to notice it, I wrote it down. I tried to work on it in short enough sessions so that I didn’t start skimming.

This was time-consuming. But I did it in the early stages of the pregnancy, usually starting about 5 minutes after getting a positive pregnancy test, and it helped to get through those lonnnnnnng early months when it’s all worry and very little action. And I wrote the lists in my journal, so it’s fun to see some of the names I wrote down: “Dutch” for my firstborn, for example.

One reason I write down all the names instead of just the names that seem most likely is that sometimes seeing a large list of EVERYTHING I like can help me better narrow down what I REALLY like. Also, it gives the other parent a lot of names to cross off, so they feel like they’re having a say. Also, it can be fun to use a not-quite-our-usual-style name as a middle name. Also, sometimes I would find that although I’d thought I liked one style, my list was mostly made up of a different style—or that whenever I went over the list, I was more drawn to a different style, or tended to cross out all the names of a particular style. (Also, I like baby naming, and so I tend to err on the side of spending MORE time doing it.)

For me, when I did the “make a big list and work from THAT instead of from the name book” idea, I usually ended up crossing out until I ended up with a list of about a dozen names that were real candidates. Then Paul would cross out or circle some. Then we’d get down to a few real finalists, and we’d start ranking them and I’d spend a lot of time thinking about it and check in periodically with a less-interested Paul to see how HE was feeling about the choices. Sometimes I’d add a new name to the list, or leaf through the name book some more. I’d analyze every name that came up in every book, movie, and TV show. I looked for more possibilities in the credits, or in celebrity magazines. I looked up names in the Social Security data base to see how popular they were. I went through the family trees to see if I saw anything interesting. (This stage drives Paul a little nuts. I try to courteously involve him as little as possible, just as I appreciate when he doesn’t subject me to ALL the talk about the various advantages and disadvantages of each of several drill presses he’s considering.)

I would also play little games with the names we’d narrowed it down to. Like, let’s say I had Max on my list. I’d look in The Baby Name Wizard under the name Max, and see what she suggested as brother names. I’d pick my favorite of those five names and go look IT up, and then pick my favorite of THOSE five names, and so on.

Or if my list felt too short or nothing seemed quite right, I’d brainstorm to see if I could find names that had things in common with the name. For Max, I’d consider Sam and Jack because they were one-syllable names with the same vowel sound and general style. Then I might see how I felt about Gus and George, or about Matt and John. For Silas, I’d consider Simon and Elias. I’d see if I could put a finger on what it was I liked about the name, and then see if there were other similar names I might feel more decisive about.

If I were making a brainstorming list from your list, it would look something like this:

Silas
Simon
Elias
Eli
Elijah
Seth
Josiah
Isaac
Zachary
Ian
Ezekiel
Micah
Miles
Aaron
Ezra
Ezekiel
Evan
Noah
Levi
Max
Sam
Jack
George
Gus
Charlie
Matt
John
James
Leo
Henry
Paul
Adam
Parker
Archer
Spencer
Carter
Carson
Miller
Connor
Colin
Carter
Carson
Camden
Callum
Kyle
Keegan
Kieran
Donovan
Daniel
Aiden
Landon
Brandon
Brenden
Evan
Everett
Nolan
Ethan
Nathan
Clay
Gabe
Gabriel
Gage
Cole
Gray
Grayson
Hayden
Tate
Wade
Wyatt
David
Caleb
Jarvis
Jared
Garrett
Bennett
Travis
Thomas

If this is starting to feel overwhelming and stressful, then this may not be the method for you. One of my friends does zero with baby name books, and instead waits for the name to occur to her. She’s going along and thinks, “Adam. How about Adam? Yes, Adam. With…James. Yes, James, that would be nice, and that’s my husband’s grandfather’s name. Adam James. How nice!” My mother-in-law was the same: Paul was named by that method, as was his sister. “Way more time and effort” doesn’t necessarily pay off in a proportionately better name; in fact, it can lead to more stress and uncertainty.

Or you could do a shorter version of my method: instead of writing down EVERY name you even KIND OF like, only write down the ones you really like. Instead of then making the list longer, make it shorter: toss out the ones where you know you wouldn’t choose that name over another name on your list. If you get down to a couple of names and neither of them feels right, THEN maybe try brainstorming for similar names.

With one of my pregnancies, we did something like this: I wrote down a list of a dozen or so names I really liked. I showed the list to Paul. He picked his favorite from that list. We used it. That was a good way, too. You could both make lists, and choose one or two or three from each other’s lists, and make those into a new list.

Nicole writes:

We have two weeks left to name baby girl Greenwald, and I’m still stuck on a middle name.  We decided to go with Emerson as her first name, although it has NOT been well received by our families.  Apparently, everyone thinks it sounds like a boy’s name.  But, I keep thinking about naming her something else, and then meeting a little Emerson weeks later, and I just know I’d be filled with regret.  Anyway, to balance out the “boyish” quality of the name, I want to go with something ultra feminine and sweet for the middle name.  We love Emerson Rose, but it feels like Rose is all over the place right now.  Do you have any names that are short and sweet like Rose?
The problem is nothing sounds right to me…  Here’s our current list of middle names.  I was thinking maybe you could do a poll on your site? Or give us your honest opinion on these?  I think it would help… I’ve become obsessed and it’s not helping me sleep any better!

Emerson Nicole (my name)
Emerson Sofia (hub’s favorite)
Emerson Rose (overused middle name?)
Emerson Victoria (my favorite, but hub says it’s too long)
Emerson Amelia

Here’s my list:

Emerson Abigail (EAG)
Emerson Anne (EAG)
Emerson Claire (ECG)
Emerson Chloe (ECG)
Emerson Elena (EEG)
Emerson Ella (EEG)
Emerson Eve (EEG)
Emerson Faye (EFG) (fun three-in-a-row initials!)
Emerson Fiona (EFG)
Emerson Hope (EHG)
Emerson Jane (EJG)
Emerson Joy (EJG)
Emerson June (EJG)
Emerson Kate (EKG)
Emerson Kay (EKG)
Emerson Linnea (ELG)
Emerson Louise (ELG)
Emerson Lydia (ELG)
Emerson Mae (EMG)
Emerson Meredith (EMG)
Emerson Noelle (ENG)
Emerson Sabrina (ESG)

Emerson Victoria doesn’t seem too long to me (it’s only one syllable longer than your husband’s first choice), but I like long girl names. I also like that 3-4-2 rhythm, and would add Emerson Felicity and Emerson Elizabeth.

I love the idea of using your name as her middle name. It bugs me a little that the tradition is so common with boy names and not with girl names.

If this helps, I will say that it doesn’t matter very much what you choose. We had it down to three middle names for Henry, and I lay awake agonizing about it—and then I thought, “Does it make any difference in any of our lives which middle name we choose of those three?” and answered myself “No. We can just pick one.” And indeed it didn’t matter much: I have to think for a second to remember what his middle name is, because the subject comes up so rarely after the birth announcements are sent out. And with Elizabeth, I wanted an entirely different type of middle name than we ended up choosing (we went with Paul’s favorite as part of a naming compromise), and that doesn’t matter much either. In fact, I’ve come to like her middle name very much, and I just go ahead and call her Elizabeth Jane and and Elizabeth Louise (and Elizabeth Marie and Elizabeth St. Claire, even though those were never on the list—they’re just fun to say) whenever I want to anyway.

Let’s have a poll over to the right with your finalists. [Poll closed; see results below.]

Kelley writes:

We have 2 children named Landon and Adaline.  I had a long list of names for each, and arrived at their names with no hesitation.  With our third, there is none that have that strong feeling of, “This is THE one and only name for her!”  My sweet grandma’s name is Emily, and so I was going to do Emma Grace.  I am sure you know the extreme popularity of that name!  I have seen 2 recent postings on facebook of people who just named their baby Emma Grace or are going to name her that with their baby due in March. 

2 of the names I have gone through, and liked, are Makenna and Madaleise.  I still don’t have that 100 percent tug at my heart that either of those are the one!  I am wondering if a name with a letter L in it would go well, since we have Landon and AdaLine. Also, my name is KeLLey and my hubby’s name is PhiLip.  So, we all have an L in our names.  Our last name is Hart, so a lot of names go easily with it.  I don’t like any common names, nor any top names.  I like uniquely beautiful names. If he was a boy, his name was most likely going to be Jensen Nolan.  I fear this baby will end up with a name that I just have to settle with, instead of love.  We would like to have one more child in the way future. Can you help us name our little girl, about to arrive in March, which is also the same birth month as mine? Please?

Jodie writes:

I am 33 weeks pregnant with my fourth boy (and last child). My name is Jodie, my husband is Michael, our last name is Pack. Our older children are Conner Michael, Nolan Bryant, and Gavin Claude. I am supposed to have an early c-section at the beginning of February because I have placenta previa, so this is kind of last minute – sorry! Since this is our last boy and we are very picky with names, finding a name for this baby has been a struggle. We found one that we (especially I) absolutely love though. Bennett Fisher. I really want Fisher to be the middle name (it is my Grandma’s maiden name and she just passed away last June, right before we found out we were pregnant. I think Bennett Fisher Pack sounds great. I like names that are 2 syllables, easy to spell, recognizable but not so unique that they sound made up. I am not a nick name person – we would not call him Ben.just Bennett. I wanted to have a name with an ‘n’ in it, because all the others do. I don’t want a name that ENDS in ‘n’ because that offsets the symmetry in my family. See how OCD I am? I also seem to have names free of blends so far (no Cr, Bl, St,.names roll off the tongue easily). I LOVE Bennett – it’s meaning, it’s anglo-slant (I seem to gravitate towards Irish, Welsh, Scottish, English type names), and it just seems to fit.

HERE’s the PROBLEM! My sister just had a baby last week. She told me a few months ago she wanted to name her baby Benjamin and call him Ben. At the time she told me I got a little worried because we had just landed on Bennett. I let her know that we had sort of landed on Bennett, thinking it would be OK – after all, it’s not the SAME NAME and we wouldn’t call our kid Ben. She said she was fine with it, but then my other sister (who loves drama) called me and said she was actually really upset about it and wanted me to change my name. I’m a pleaser. I tried to find another name for a few days, but nothing else fit like Bennett. I told her we would be going with Bennett no matter what, and she said she wasn’t mad. But now my drama-loving other sister says I should not bring it up with her because it will stress her out (meaning I shouldn’t tell her we are still going to call him Bennett). My husband and my parents think it’s a non-issue and I/we should name our baby whatever we want. Last night my husband and I talked about it and decided that we are willing to look at other names to keep the peace, but if nothing else jumps out at us, we’re staying with Bennett.

Sorry, that was long.

So, other names we have considered are:
Wyatt (I like it, not sure if I love it)
Jasper (I don’t love the p’s in Jasper Pack)
Lennox (seems to out there to me, but my husband likes it)
Elliott (I don’t like it at all, but my husband does – seems too feminine to me and I don’t like unisex names)
Derek (too 80’s?)
Jared (too boring and common?)
Zander ( I like it but my husband isn’t familiar with it – makes him think of Zoolander)

We are absolutely done having children. If this was a girl, her name would be Charlotte, so maybe that’s why I like Bennett so much (the ‘tt’ ending).

Help!

Sometimes when I am reading a mystery novel and a solution begins to reveal itself, I will think, “Wait. But that can’t be it, because Mr. Picklan wasn’t there that night!”—and I continue to be fooled, not realizing that the ONLY reason I know Mr. Picklan wasn’t there that night is that Mrs. Roberts SAID SO. If that little snippet of testimony turns out not to be true, the whole case collapses.

That is what I am reminded of here, where one sister is telling you (1) that the sister who says she’s not upset IS in fact VERY upset, and (2) that you should not confirm this with the sister because it would upset her, and (3) that you are further supposed to keep your child’s name a secret (for how long, I wonder?) because it would upset her.

What if we snipped off that little snippet of testimony? Then what we would have is a situation that almost couldn’t be more ideal:

* Your sister had several months’ warning that you were intending to use the name Bennett, so if that bothered her she had plenty of time to either (1) change her name choice or (2) tell you she wasn’t okay with it;

* She then found out you were definitely going to use it, and again she had a chance to speak up or change her own name choice if she wasn’t okay with that; 

* Then she went ahead and named her son Benjamin, with full knowledge that in a month you would be naming your son Bennett;

* And now you will name your son Bennett, already knowing the issue with your nephew’s somewhat-similar name.

Didn’t that work out well? In many situations, things get much more jumbled. Sometimes everyone keeps names a secret, so then your sister could have named her baby Benjamin with no idea you were planning to use Bennett, and right now you could be having a secret crisis over what you should do now. And then maybe when your sister found out you were planning to use Bennett, she could have FREAKED OUT HUGELY, threatening and weeping and acting so hysterical you felt there was no way you could use the name Bennett now, unfair as that might be.

But neither of those things happened. She had warning; you had warning; everyone was okay with everything. The only suggestion that everything is not as it seems comes from the testimony of your other sister who, as you tell us, loves drama. I have had contact with people who love drama, and you have many years of experience with your sister, so I think if the two of us sat down and discussed the possibilities, we would come up with quite a few likely scenarios that didn’t involve there being an actual problem. For example, I can picture something along the lines of your drama-oriented sister working hard to elicit a very mild statement from your mother-to-Benjamin sister about how, sure, she kind of wishes the two names weren’t so similar but it doesn’t really matter—and turning that into “She’s REALLY UPSET. She wants you to CHANGE THE NAME. No, don’t even talk to her, she’s TOO UPSET.”

“Piffle” is what I say to the idea of you changing the perfect name based on that. You have two options, as I see it:

1. Go to your sister (the one with the new baby Benjamin) and say something like, “Listen. I know the times we talked about this before, we left it that we were both okay with the similarity of Benjamin/Bennett. But you know Sister and how she loves drama, and she’s been going around freaking everyone out saying YOU’RE freaking out, and I don’t want to take her too seriously because you know how she is, but on the other hand I wanted to make sure we got one last chance to have a frank talk before I go filling out birth certificates.” You’d need to be aware, though, that what you’d be doing here is saying something like “If you have ANY slight dislike of this situation AT ALL, just mention it and I won’t use the name.” And I doubt you’d like to say that. This discussion could only have taken place effectively when EITHER of you could have changed your name choice.

2. Use the name, without getting sucked into the drama. If the drama is snipped out, we have a non-situation here: everyone knows you’re using the name, and no one objected even when they had ample chances to do so. Probably neither you nor your sister thinks it’s ideal that the two names are similar, but neither one of you thinks the other one should have to give up a name over it—and that’s the appropriate reaction. It doesn’t seem like a good idea to try to get your sister to manufacture/express an inappropriate reaction instead, especially since that would leave you with two choices: (1) choosing another name instead of the one you want, or (2) going with the name on purpose anyway, against her now-explicitly-stated wishes. No good!

I would also like to point out that this is not just a situation about your sister being okay with the name you’re using: it’s about BOTH of you being okay with the other sister’s name choice. If it is important that she be okay with your baby’s name, it is no more important than it was for you to be okay with her baby’s name. Did she repeatedly solicit your assurances that it was okay for her to still use Benjamin for her baby? No? Then probably she does not expect you to repeatedly solicit her assurances that it’s still okay for you to use Bennett. She had her baby a few weeks before you will be having yours, but since both of you knew the situation well ahead of time, the order of birth is irrelevant to this particular situation: you both said you were okay with the other’s name choice, and now you will both go ahead and use your own name choices. With time, the issue is likely to fade completely, and the two cousins will most likely grow up thinking it’s neat.

(And if she really IS upset about it, she had/has two options: (1) Discuss it with you, rather than with the sister who has nothing to do with choosing the names, and/or (2) Find a different name for her child, back when you said you were definitely using Bennett.)

Sarah writes:

Hi!! My sister sent me the link to your website and I am really intrigued (she actually chose a private consultation just the other night). I am pregnant with my fifth child- a little girl due in early May. At a loss about what to name her! I know what I like, and I will share those names with you after I list her siblings (our last name is kind of like Lemon, but not a noun):

Eldest to youngest: Lily Ana Lemon, Jack Price Lemon (his middle name is my maiden name), Abram “Abe” Sims Lemon (his middle name is his great grandfathers name), and Alice Clare Lemon.

I love the fact that all of their names are old-fashioned. They go together especially well when listed without their middle names (Lily, Jack, Abe & Alice). Obviously, I would like another older name (and I prefer a name that is less common than Lily and Jack, which have become very over-used these days).

Some of my favorites are as follows: Mae with middle name Marguerite (Marguerite is my grandmother’s name), Clara (but it may be too close to Alice’s middle name), Estelle, Rose (but I wonder if it is wrong to name only two of the girls after flowers), Rosie, Mimi… I think you get the idea! My great-aunt’s name was Heartcease (which I hate) but we called her “Aunt Heart” which I love, but “Heart” is just too free-spirited to go with my other names.

Some other names we like:
-Evelyn (but just read it is number 24 in the US! I know you say not to focus on that, but I do have a fear of another lily/jack explosion!)
-I like Eleanor– hubby thinks it is ok.
-I am not a huge fan of Mabel but for se reason Seth is ok with it! He also likes Isabel, but I don’t think it goes with the rest so I threw it out as an option.
-my paternal grandmother’s name is Joyce and I like the name, but most people think it is toooo old lady to use.
-I like Ellen- Seth doesn’t.
-we both love Annie, but three ‘A’ names in a row?
-Alice’s nickname is “birdie” which I love, but obviously takes Birdie out of the running.
-my mom’s name is Sally which is so cute, but I’m on the fence about naming the last after the grandmother…

We already have vetoed the following (due to family members / close friends having the name- or because we don’t like them for another reason):
-Jane
-Stella
-Eloise
-Julia
-Lucy
-Charlotte
-Adelyn, Addison (or any other spelling)
-Avery, Ella, Ava
-Madeline

Just last night, Seth was telling me how much he loves Mae as a first name… Do you think it is going to explode a la Evelyn? And do you have any concerns about using it in the month of may? I thought something serious as a middle name might balance it – Mae Ellen?? I don’t know!

We’d love help with first and middle combos!! Thanks soooo much.

If this is your last baby and your last chance to use the name Annie, I urge you to use it. I see what you mean about three A names in a row, but I think it’s fine: the name Annie is wonderful with Lily and Alice, and you both love it, and I think in the long run those are going to feel like the important things. I might suggest using Anne or Anna (or maybe even Annabel?) as the given name and Annie as the nickname, to give her more flexibility if she ends up with a job later on where she’d like something less friendly-sounding: I can picture being, say, a trial lawyer or a professor, and not wanting to have to introduce myself as Annie. (I realize choosing Anna bumps into Lily’s middle name, but I think that’s another “okay in the long run”/”especially when there are more than the usual number of children” sort of thing.) Combinations:

Anna Beatrix
Anna Evelyn
Anna Frances (I like the repeated sound, but it’s a subjective sort of thing)
Anna Heart (I see what you mean about it sounding a little free-spirited, but fine for the middle name, and with a good explanation for it)
Anna June
Anna Joy(ce)
Anna Kate
Anna Rose
Anna Ruth
Anna Sophia

Anne Celeste
Anne Elena
Anne Elise (I like how this goes together, like Anneliese, which reminds me of Lily Ana / Lilliana)
Anne Eliza
Anne Heart (I like how this sounds like Aunt Heart, strengthening the connection)
Anne Louise
Anne Marguerite
Anne Rosemary
Anne Ruby

Annie Heart
Annie Joy
Annie Rose

I wanted to suggest Anna Mae but then realized it sounded like “anime”; I wanted to suggest Annie Mae but then realized it sounded like “Fannie Mae.” Anne Estelle is so pretty, but Ann Estelle is the name of Mary Engelbreit’s cartoon girl; I don’t know if that’s at all well-known or if it matters anyway. Maybe Anne Esther instead?

I also love Clara. As with Anna, I think it’s not-ideal-and-yet-fine that it’s close to a sister’s middle name. Lily, Jack, Abe, Alice, and Clara is so perfect. I especially like how the three girls all have different endings; sometimes it can be tricky with girl names to avoid too many -y/-ie or too many -a endings.

Clara Heart (I love this)
Clara Joy(ce)
Clara Mae
Clara Rose

If Eleanor is not quite right, I suggest Nora. Lily, Jack, Abe, Alice, and Nora. Combinations:

Nora Belle (because of your husband liking Isabel)
Nora Heart
Nora Joy
Nora Mae
Nora Marguerite
Nora Rose

And if Clara is not quite right, I suggest Cora. I’d pair it with the same middle names as Nora, except not Heart because “cor” is the Latin root for heart.

If you love Mimi, I feel tempted to pressure you to use Miriam. It’s such a pretty name, with such long roots—but so underused. Miriam “Mimi” Lemon. Lily, Jack, Abe, Alice, and Mimi. Combinations:

Miriam Eve (too biblical-sounding?)
Miriam Heart
Miriam Joy(ce)
Miriam Mae
Miriam Rose

Evelyn has surprised me by becoming so popular. I might suggest Vivian instead: Lily, Jack, Abe, Alice, and Vivi. But I think Vivian might follow right behind Evelyn, popularity-wise, because the sounds are so similar.

All the Ev/Av names might be too popular to consider, but I’m very fond of Eve, and so far it hasn’t risen as much as the others (it was #546 in 2011). Lily, Jack, Abe, Alice, and Eve. Combinations:

Eve Celeste
Eve Estelle (but EEL initials)
Eve Mabel
Eve Marguerite
Eve Rosabel
Eve Rosemary

I love the name Sally. We used a grandparent name for our fourth child after using non-honor first names for all the others, and I was worried it would seem weird, but it hasn’t been a big deal. In fact, I ended up glad we’d done it for a later child rather than for, say, the first: it made the honor name less of a big deal, which is what I wanted since the other children weren’t going to get them (and so other relatives didn’t get their hopes up!). My one concern is that Sally might be too similar to both Lily and Alice—almost a combination of the two names (I had to say them aloud to notice it, since visually Alice doesn’t announce its S sound).

It occurred to me that Sadie and Sally are both traditional nicknames for Sarah. If you named your daughter Sadie, you and she and your mother would have a strong, fun, 3-generation link. Sadie might make a good middle name if you don’t like it as a first. Nora Sadie, Clara Sadie, Frances Sadie, Ruth Sadie?

Sadie Estelle
Sadie Mae
Sadie Joy(ce)
Sadie Louise
Sadie Rose

Sally also makes me think of Molly:

Molly Celeste
Molly Estelle
Molly Mae
Molly Marguerite
Molly Joy(ce)
Molly Rose

Tessa would be pretty. Lily, Jack, Abe, Alice, and Tess. Combinations:

Tessa Joy
Tessa Mae
Tessa Noelle
Tessa Rose
Tessa Sally

Or I put Frances as a middle name for Anna, but I also like it on its own. Lily, Jack, Abe, Alice, and Frannie.

Frances Estelle
Frances Evelyn
Frances Joy
Frances Rose

Or Josephine. Lily, Jack, Abe, Alice, and Josie.

Josephine Elena
Josephine Elise
Josephine Joy (I love this)
Josephine Noelle
Josephine Rose

An acquaintance of mine named a baby girl Ruth several years ago, and I’ve been surprised at what an adorable name it is, especially with the nickname Ruthie.

Ruth Eleanor
Ruth Eliza
Ruth Estelle
Ruth Evelyn
Ruth Louise

It’s so hard to predict name popularity—I would never have though Evelyn would get so popular, and just LOOK at it! But if I HAD to guess, I’d guess that Mae will follow more the path of the name Rose: becoming quite popular and familiar as a middle name, but still unusual and fresh as a first name. Right now, Mae is just barely in the Top 1000 (the spelling May has been out of the Top 1000 for three decades now), so the name is still very uncommon; even if it gets popular later on, it won’t be common among her peers.

Using it in the month of May appeals to me, but I could see how someone might get weary of it: I had a co-worker named April who got tired of being asked if she’d been born in April, and also got tired of the jokes during the month of April. I suspect the spelling Mae would significantly reduce this sort of issue. And on the flip side, my mom and I read a book with sisters who all had birth-month names, and they said they felt like their entire birth-month was their birthday. Mae Ellen is pretty—Southern charm! I also love Mae Marguerite from your first email. Or I like Mae Frances, or Mae Ruth, or Mae Estelle, or Mae Louise. Or you could do Mae Belle or Mae Bella, to approximate Mabel.

Edited to add: Sarah asked if we could do a poll for these combinations: Eve Amelia, Ruby Louise, Ruby Clementine, Ruth Estelle, Ruth Amelia, Annie Louise. I’ll put a poll over to the right.  [Poll closed; see results below.]

Amanda writes:

Love your blog and read it nearly every day!  My husband and I have started having “when should we have children” talks and it looks like 2013 is the year! When I think of babies, I think of names, and thankfully we both love our family names and want to use honor names as often as possible.

But I have a question and would like your opinion because I am torn.  When it comes to an honor name, should the name be use based on your (the parent’s) personal experience with the person being honored or based on the actual personality?  Let me be more specific – my grandfather’s name was Everett and I have loved the name my whole life.   Hubby likes it too.  I have nothing but fond memories of my grandfather from when I was younger, though he was a bit more difficult in his old age the year before he died.  I was his only granddaughter and he was always so good to me.  However, I’ve since learned that he really wasn’t that nice of a person – he drank a lot, went out “dancing till all hours,” as my grandmother put it,  and my family thinks he was verbally abusive to my grandmother, who was beyond a saint.  She was the strongest woman I’ve ever known, and now I know why she had to be that strong.

I still love my grandfather and have amazing memories of fishing and playing baseball with him, but the more I learn about how he treated my grandmother and my father, I can’t help but want to distance myself from him.  I’m not too worried about hurting people feelings with the name – my father could care less what we name our hypothetical children – but do I really want to name my son after a terrible husband and father but a wonderful grandfather?

Thank you so much for any insight!

Interesting topic. I think if I were you I might start by doing a little more gentle investigation (keeping in mind the reliability of each source you ask). “Family thinks he was verbally abusive” is hard to interpret, and could vary hugely from “He thought she needed him to be in charge of her, the way even good men thought two or three generations ago, even though it seems appalling now” to “He called her a stupid worthless bitch if she under-salted the soup” to “Well, no one ever heard or saw anything, but we feel like it’s the kind of thing he would have been capable of and we’re a generation that expects our parents to be perfect in every way or else get blamed in therapy.” To me, it’s a good sign that your dad wouldn’t care if you used the name: if he felt his dad was a truly terrible husband and terrible father who abused him and his mom, it seems like he would mind the idea of his grandson having that name.

Every single human being is a mix of good parts and bad parts, no exceptions. Your grandmother may have seemed like a saint, but she too had a set of normal human flaws, just as we all do—things she managed to keep the family from knowing about, or things that don’t make good stories, or things you’ll find out later. It sounds like the things you’re finding about your grandfather fall within normal range: maybe drinking too much, maybe going out dancing when your grandmother would have preferred him not to (there’s nothing wrong with dancing late at night per se), maybe not being entirely nice to everyone. If it hadn’t been those things, it would have been other things: maybe instead he would have smoked, forgotten birthdays, been relentlessly critical of his daughter-in-law, and spent all weekend watching sports when your grandmother would have preferred him not to.

Or perhaps more investigation will reveal that your grandfather’s own set of flaws WERE beyond the usual realm: maybe he persistently called your grandmother names, and told her it was her own fault he slept with other women every night he went out dancing. Maybe the things you find out will change the way you think of him: you’ll feel the good parts of his personality you experienced can’t possibly make up for your new knowledge of the bad parts.

And that’s where I think the line naturally falls: I think that if someone’s personality/behaviors are bad enough that you shouldn’t use that person’s name, that’s the point at which it will happen naturally that you’ll no longer WANT to use the name. It feels icky to come up with an example, but I think it’ll be a useful exercise if we do it quickly and don’t think about it too much: imagine if you’d always wanted to use the name of an beloved uncle, and then found out he was a pedophile who’d put a secret camera in your childhood bathroom. I don’t think you’d be writing to me wondering if you should let that bother you, considering what happy childhood memories you had of him; you wouldn’t even WANT to use the name anymore, no matter how many years you’d loved it.

This is why when you ask me about your grandfather’s name, I suspect it means his flaws fell within normal range. It can be startling and upsetting to learn such things about people we love, but so far you haven’t told me anything that makes me think it would be inappropriate to use his name.

If you’re shying away from the name because you think it’s not appropriate to honor a person who had flaws, I’d urge you to reconsider: otherwise, you’ll rule out every single honor name. But if as you learn more about your grandfather’s particular flaws, you find you want to distance yourself from him, then it would not be a kindness or an honor to give your son his name. Emmett, Evan, or Elliot would also be nice choices.

Name update:

I wrote you a very long time ago (2013!) about a naming dilemma and have revisited your advice a few times since. The gist of my original message was that I didn’t know if I could use ‘Everett’ to honor my grandfather if he was wonderful to me, but not a great person to my grandmother and father. I took your advice and tried to learn more, but my grandmother passed away before I could ask her, and my dad never wanted to really talk about it. Fast forward to this year and Everett was on our short list for our first son. I read back through your advice, then the comments, and decided if I didn’t *know* for sure, I didn’t want to risk it. I just couldn’t get behind the name in the end.

So, since I still owe you a baby name, Francis Becket P_____ was born this May. He’s named for my husband’s father (Francis) and we are calling him Becket or Beck.

Thank you so much for your advice!

C. writes:

Hello! I’m hoping you can help us out with naming our baby girl, due Feb. 2013. Hubby and I just cannot seem to agree on a name.

One thing we do agree on is the middle name: Valeska. It was my grandmother’s name. He loves the name, and initially wanted to use it as a first name (Valeska Rose was his choice), but I already have a daughter named Valerie Marie, and for me they are just too close, plus Valerie is called “Val” much of the time, and I feel like we’d end up with 2 Val’s. So – to the middle name goes Valeska, and we’re both fine with that.

As some additional background, he also has a daughter from a previous marriage, Savannah Grace. The baby’s last name will be Holland.

I really like the name Elle. I think Elle Valeska is lovely, and I especially like how Elle sounds with Holland.  I also have a relative I’m close to whose name is Anne Valeska, and I feel like Elle Valeska is a sort of homage to her. He says he can’t get past the fact that “he’s just saying a letter.” (L)  He likes Audrey and Emersyn, both of which I am not fond of. Audrey is too popular right now, and I don’t care for it with Valeska. And I just don’t like Emersyn. I feel like we need a simpler name to go with Valeska.

Some other first names I like: Blake, Drew, Isla

So, what do you think? Is Elle strong enough to stand on its own? What other names do you recommend?

Thanks so much!

If you love the name Elle but it’s not enough for him, and if you have an Anne you’d enjoy honoring, then I suggest the name Annabelle. You could still call her Elle if you wanted to, but your husband would have more to say. But perhaps the name is too similar to her sisters’ names: the Elle very close to Val, but even more the -annah of Savannah with the Anna- of Annabelle.

Another option is Stella, which eliminates the sound-alike issues. Stella Holland; Valerie, Savannah, and Stella.

One fun way to tie all three girls’ names together would be to use a name with a V sound in it: Avery, Victoria, Evelyn, Eva, Violet, Genevieve, Ivy, Veronica, Silvie. But there is already a V in the middle name, so that does result in quite a bit of V. My favorite is Eva Valeska: Eva is relatively simple, and similar in some ways to Elle.

I don’t think I would use Blake or Drew; they seem too boyish with the only-for-girls names Valerie and Savannah. Isla is great with Valerie and Savannah, but seems geographical with the surname (Isle and Holland).

His choice of Valeska Rose suggests to me the idea of swapping the names: Rose Valeska gives you the simplicity you’d prefer, while using a name he loves. And while Rose is very common as a middle name, it is still relatively uncommon as a first name. Rose Holland; Valerie, Savannah, and Rose.

Taylor writes:

So I have another somewhat unusual question for you.  You helped me name my second son Asa who was born in April.  I didn’t mention this in my naming update to you, but Asa was actually born with an unexpected rare genetic condition that results in a pretty significant facial difference and blindness. He may have other issues that will reveal themselves in the future (e.g., developmental delays), but, currently, he is a healthy and happy baby boy.

My question for you and your readers is below. Asa is a somewhat unusual name and one of the reasons we chose it was because it is unique. When Asa was born, my friend and neighbor told me that if she and her husband ever had a boy they had always planned on naming him J0hn Asa. I don’t believe in “claiming” names or preventing others from using the name you have chosen for your baby, so I told her I thought that was a beautiful name and I hoped she used it. She is now pregnant with a boy and has again informed me that they plan on naming the child J0hn Asa. However, in passing the other day, she referred to her baby as Asa, which indicated to me that they plan on calling the baby by his middle name. If my Asa had not been born with a facial difference and a disability, I would be totally fine with her using that name. Happy even–I feel like it validates my choice! However, given that we are neighbors and our kids will all go to the same schools and play together, I am worried that other children will distinguish between her Asa and my Asa by calling mine “Blind Asa” or something worse.

I recognize that kids are mean and they may call him names regardless, but, for some reason, I am really worried about this particular scenario and not sure how to handle it. Any thoughts?  Feel free to tell me I am being oversensitive!

In my experience so far, the standard way to differentiate between two children with the same first name is to use the last name: Alyssa Thomas and Alyssa Young, for example, or Alyssa T. and Alyssa Y. When I think of our household, I realize there is also a second method, which is to call them Swimming Class Alyssa and William’s Friend Alyssa. This is where the concern about a name such as “Blind Asa” comes in. However, as I think of other cases where we use descriptor names such as Swimming Class, all of the descriptions are non-derogatory, and based on who the person is to us or what they do, not what they look like. We might have “Middle School Alyssa” and “Alyssa From The Park,” but not “Ugly Alyssa” and “Alyssa With The Bad Clothes”—or even “Blonde Alyssa” and “Old Alyssa.”

This hasn’t been deliberate: we didn’t have to say to ourselves or to the children anything like “Hey, we should come up with pleasant and non-physical ways to tell the two Alyssas apart!” It was natural to think of these descriptors. It gave me a startled/shocked feeling to think of anyone of normal disposition using a differentiating name such as Blind Asa—or letting it slip past if they heard someone else (such as a child who might not yet be aware of social issues such as these) say it. Although it’s impossible to protect our children from unkindness, this is the variety of unkindness that would not be tolerated in the current cultural climate. I can’t picture it just evolving as the standard way any regular person would differentiate between the two boys named Asa. I find I have trouble even typing it, let alone imagining myself or a teacher or a parent saying it.

I think too that it’s something you could mention here and there for as long as both boys do share the same circle of peers. I would, for example, put in a word to each of your Asa’s teachers, because I’d think they would be very open to hearing such concerns and could then keep an especially sharp ear out for it. (I suspect, though, that they would already be on high alert for such things.) A very stern and pointed “Do you mean Asa B.?” can nip things in the bud—if things bud at all.

It might even be possible to mention the issue to your friend, if the conversation turns in a direction where such a comment feels it would be natural—though it doesn’t seem worth it to force it if such a conversational direction never occurs. A brief and casual “I’m a little worried the kids will call them Asa and Blind Asa” might alert her to the issue as well: it’s unlikely she’d choose a different name at this point (thought it may be a new thought to her that her own child’s differentiating name could end up being “John Asa” instead of the Asa she may prefer), but she too could be alert for any situation where instant correction was needed.

One more reassuring thought is that your Asa and her Asa will likely be in different grades at school, if your district uses the usual September-birthday cut-off. Your Asa, born in April, will start school a year before her Asa. A difference in grade can make a huge difference in peer groups and play circles.