Robin writes:

Oh Swistle, help!

My sister and I are both a little perturbed at the name my brother and sister-in-law have chosen for their first boy. They have a little girl already, named Cora Evelyn, which I *LOVE*. Cora is a family name (paternal great-grandmother), and I think Evelyn is just so beautiful. The name they have chosen for their boy is Kevin Christopher. Nice, solid name, if a little too much “our generation” for the first name. They are honoring two good friends named Kevin with the first name, and my sister-in-law’s brother with the middle name. All good. Our issue lies with the fact that my brother is named after our paternal grandfather, and that he is the only one carrying on our very uncommon family name.

Both my sister and I had really hoped that he would name his first boy after himself/our grandfather (making the boy a trey), or after my father, to carry on the family name tradition. We understand, OF COURSE, that it’s not our baby to name, but we both can’t help feeling quite disappointed with their name choice. I mean, c’mon, you’re naming the baby after a friend, when you have a wonderful father or grandfather that you could honor? Our family is VERY close, and my sister-in-law is estranged from her own father, so I don’t see any snubbing issues that could arise from naming the child after a male on our side of the family.

Ok, so not really a baby-naming question. But do you have any suggestions for how to get over our disappointment?

Oh, this is a rough situation, and I loved you dearly for having such a firm grip on what the situation IS: the disappointment in a baby’s name.

And yet, your clarification of the issue also makes it tougher for me to answer. If I could lecture you sternly on everyone getting to name their own babies, about family traditions being nice but not obligatory, etc. etc. etc., I’d have a whole post right there. But because you go straight to the heart of the matter and ask how to get over the disappointment, I’m left stammering. I know what you mean! and I don’t know what to tell you. And I don’t know what I’d do if I were you.

It’s nice that you have your sister to vent to about it. The two of you can say, “Oh, it would have been SO PERFECT!” a few times, knowing you can’t say it to your brother. After that, I suggest a regimen of every time the subject comes up between you, brushing your hands briskly and saying to each other, “Well. The baby is already named.” Then swig back a shot (liquor, melted chocolate, whatever helps) and say, “To Kevin!” Repeat until the disappointment is numbed.

Pretty useless advice, I realize. Perhaps some of us have had experience with this situation and can chime in. What DO you do? What DO you do, if you’re disappointed by the chosen name? How do you, as Robin puts her finger right on it, “get over the disappointment”?

I’ve been emailing back and forth with a blogger who’s expecting in November, and we want to post her question here without compromising anonymity or blowing the surprise on her own blog. So here’s the basic question, boiled down to the bare essentials: What’s a good middle name for Audrey?

The surname is two syllables starting with B.

The parents like:

• less-common names
• traditional spellings for names
• older names (Eleanor, Pearl, Beatrix)
• movie names
• British/Irish names

Go!

My mother-in-law has been visiting for the last 10 days, 4 hours, and 49 minutes, so I have been short on posting time. But a question occurred to me just now, and so I’ve crept away for a minute to ask you: How much input/influence did the in-laws have (or TRY to have) on your baby name choices?

Jennifer writes:

Everyone I know seems to struggle with baby names, despite reading books and scouring websites. I’m no different. We’re expecting our second child, a boy, in November. Our 20 month old daughter is named Madeleine Lise. Lise is my mom’s name and she’s French Canadian. We always loved the name Madeleine but when we found out that the name was becoming common we decided to ditch it. We spent months arguing over other names until finally coming back to what we originally adored. Our Madeleine is everything to us and she couldn’t have been named anything else.

We have a few names that we like for our son. At the top of the list is Owen. My husband wants to be done with that – he thinks it’s perfect. I like the name but I’m not sure it’s IT. I really like Hayden, but my husband isn’t sold. I also like Emmett, which my husband does like but not as much as Owen. The names that appeal to me for girls are all traditional – Amelia, Charlotte, Lily, Jocelyn… you get my drift. For boys, I’m into masculine names – Kyle, Mason, Evan, Eamon and obviously the above mentioned. I’d love to hear what you suggest. We’re going with Charles for the middle name, after my father-in-law. Our last name isn’t tough but it does have that strong “u” sound, so the first name may be better with two syllables. I’m not into Michael, David, John, James, etc., mostly because my name is Jennifer and I grew up with at least 5 Jennifer’s in every class, and at least a couple Mike’s, Dave’s, John’s…you know, all those names from the 70’s that haven’t gone anywhere. My husband doesn’t like names that sound too preppy – Brody, Gavin (which I like), Cooper. He could be happy with a plain name like Michael (no offense to anyone with a Michael – just not my cup of tea).

I think the list you’ve come up with is good, and that Owen Charles Bewick is a wonderful name. And so I’m turning this one over to the readers: What would you choose? What would you add to the list of choices?

Christina writes:

I have 3 girls, and our “baby” is about to turn 1 year old!! Her name is Amelia Joy, but for various reasons we have been calling her by her middle name “Joy”, since about 4 weeks of life. We don’t call either of our other 2 girls by their middle names, and with 3 girls I’m wondering how much sibling rivalry it will cause when girl #3 grows up only to realize we have been calling her by her middle name all this time!! Amelia is a perfectly beautiful name, but our sweet pea is always so happy these days, Joy just seems to fit! Further to add to the confusion, she is beginning to walk and talk and ANSWERS only to Joy. So my question is at what point do we settle on a name?? Is it quite normal for a child to be fully called by their nickname, even though they have a beautiful given name? Could we call her “Amelia Joy” or do I really need to settle on one or the other??

In my opinion, it is okay to do this any way that feels right to you: call her Joy, call her Amelia, call her Amelia Joy, call her a combination—you’re right no matter what. Both “Amelia” and “Joy” belong to her, and it doesn’t seem like the sort of thing that would cause sibling problems.

I’m interested to hear what other people think. Is it a problem to use a middle name, if the middle name fits the child better? Is it a problem to sometimes use the first name and sometimes use the middle? Is it important to choose just one?

Bella writes:

HELP!!!!

I need a baby name & I have NO ideas.

We just found out that this kiddo is a (sqeeeeeeeeeee) GIRL! Yeah!

The downside ~ I used my bestest girl name for the first baby girl almost 2 years ago & now the creative well is dry.

The problem is that I want a girly name that has a boy-ish nickname and I would like to make a cute monogram. But I’m not picky at all.

Since I know you won’t post my identity or my blog on your site ~ my daughter’s real name is Samantha Elysabeth (lets say) Hutchins. Her nickname is Sammi & she has sHe for a monogram (very cute on baby bags!) I want something equally cute for my second kiddo (cHa, aHh, aHa … etc) We’re southerners, monograms are put on everything & I love cute ones! I like the boyish nickname theme & that’s the more important of the two to keep.

Elysabeth is 1/2 my middle name (Elyssa) and 1/2 my cousin’s name (Elizabeth). I don’t have any family preferences to use this time, my SIL with 5 kids used all the good ones already!

I have no clue what to use as names & my blog has managed to stay fairly anonymous so far & I would like to keep it that way ~ so I can’t ask for help over there!

Any help is appreciated … we’re tapped out over here!

The first name that pops into my head is Alexandra. It’s a long girly name like Samantha, with a short boyish nickname like Sam (Alex or Al), and it gives you the start of the monogram “aH”, so you can have aHa or aHh if we think of an A/H middle name. I’m finding A-names easier to come up with than H-names: Alexandra Amelia Hutchins. Alexandra Abigail Hutchins. Alexandra Alyssabeth Hutchins.

Another one I like in this category is Cassandra, shortened to Cass. Cass isn’t as boyish as Sam or Alex, but it’s sassy. Samantha and Cassandra are nice together, and so are Sam and Cass, and I think Cassandra Hutchins sounds great. You mention cHa on your list of cute monograms, and so we’d just need an A middle name.

Another C name is Christianna, shortened to Chris. Samantha and Christianna. Sam and Chris. Christianna Hutchins.

Josephine shortened to Jo would probably be my own first choice. Samantha and Josephine. Sam and Jo is DARLING. But—monogram trouble. We’ve got “jH” and that doesn’t go anywhere. Doing a J middle name would look cute, but it wouldn’t spell anything: jHj. An O middle name would give you jHo, which could be pronounced “joe” like her nickname. But…it kind of gives you “Ho,” which we may wish to avoid, and it’s reminiscent of JLo.

Francesca shortened to Frank or Frankie would be cute. Samantha and Francesca. Sam and Frankie. Francesca Hutchins. But again: monogram problems.

Or, perhaps we could do Stephanie shortened to Stevie, with an E middle name to give you the same monogram. Stephanie Elise Hutchins. Samantha and Stephanie. Sam and Stevie.

Let’s take a vote (poll is over to the right) [poll closed; see below], but I’m also hoping the rest of you have more suggestions.

[Poll results (231 votes total):
Alexandra (Al, Alex): 83 votes, roughly 36%
Cassandra (Cass): 49 votes, roughly 21%
Christianna (Chris): 3 votes, roughly 1%
Josephine (Jo): 59 votes, roughly 26%
Francesca (Frank, Frankie): 37 votes, roughly 16%]

Cindy writes:

I ran across your website a few months ago, while doing yet another internet search for baby naming philosophies, and have become a little bit addicted, I must admit! I wasn’t planning on writing in myself, because I thought that my husband and I had pretty much settled on a name for our first child, a son due at the end of October. But as the date gets closer, I am starting to panic a little bit that the name we picked may not “fit” once the baby is born, and that we might need a backup. I thought maybe the Swistle team might be able to help!

Our last name is Walker. We both love the name Finn (despite it’s rising popularity) and have two choices for middle names – Michael or Ryan, my father’s first & last name. Right now, the name we are semi-settled on is Finn Michael Walker. Which I really do love. However, on Finn, I get caught up in two areas:

1) I rather like the idea of names that are longer but can be shortened into a nickname. I think it gives the child options as they get older, plus I just think that plain “Finn” is a little too curt. In this instance, the only long version of Finn I really like is Finnian. My husband is not so sure if having the longer name is necessary. Thoughts?

2) The meaning of “Finn” is “fair” (as in light skinned or fair haired). While both my husband and I are pale skinned, and he is very fair – reddish blonde hair w/blue eyes & lots of freckles, my family is a bit darker in the genetic background – my mom is French & Porteguese and my whole immediate family has red/brown hair (me) to dark brown hair. So there is a chance this kid is going to show up and not be fair haired at all.

This is where the backup plan comes in. Here are some of the “rules” we’ve kept in mind picking out a name, and I would love your help in coming up with another option in case he arrives and is just not a Finn.

1) Our last name (Walker) is extremely common, so we are trying to pick a name that is not completely bizarre, but also not too common (James, Michael, Peter, etc.) so that he doesn’t have to share his name with a bunch of other folks out there.

2) We are partial to names of Irish descent, and while the meanings aren’t dealbreakers, I try to stay away from ones that mean something dark or ominous (for instance, I liked Cillian until I found out it meant “war.”)

3) The “er” at the end of our name sort of precludes us from using any first names that end in “er”

4) Must work with middle name of either “Michael” or “Ryan.”

Thanks in advance for your help!

I think it’s normal to panic a little about the chosen name as the due date approaches—or at least, I always do. If you both love the name Finn, I think you should use it.

One of my children has a one-syllable name, and what I’ve found is that we naturally lengthen it in other ways: for example, if we’d had a baby named Finn, we would have called him Baby Finn, Finny-Finny-Finn-Mo-Finn, Finneroo, Sweetie-Finn, Finn-a-linn, Finn Michael, Finley, Finnsums, etc. And now that we’re used to it, we also use it on its own and it no longer seems “too short” to me as I’d feared it would. (People do occasionally assume it’s short for something, but not often.)

I think it’s okay that the meaning is “fair” and the baby might not in fact be blond. I don’t know what the name’s original meaning had in mind, but the word “fair” can also mean good-looking (“Monday’s child is fair of face”), or light-skinned (without being light-haired), or smooth-skinned. Or, of course, and this is REALLY stretching it, it can refer to justice, or to moderation. Or, um, to a carnival.

So in short, I think you should stick with what you’ve got. Finn Michael Walker is a terrific name and you both love it—what could be better?

Jess writes:

My husband and I are expecting our first baby, a girl, on October 9th, so time is running out to find this kid the perfect name.

Well, actually, we need to find the 2nd most perfect name. I already have a girl’s name that I just love and adore beyond all reason but I can’t use it, and it’s all my husbands fault!

It’s not that he hates my perfect name, oh no, he actually likes it a lot. It’s just that his perfect girl’s name, which he’s had in mind for his future daughter since he was a little kid, is Summer… &, well, I get ragey feelings of HATE whenever I hear it. Now don’t get me wrong, Summer is a perfectly nice name… for someone else’s daughter. Everything about it just rubs me the wrong way (I’m sure the fact that I knew a Summer back in grad school who was horrible, mean and really gross doesn’t help). But hubby was relentless & fought so hard for and was so upset by my rejection of his dream name, that eventually I agreed that we could use Summer as a (never used) middle name. This concession came about before I stumbled upon the name at the top of my list, however. And that name? Arabella. I love it. The flow, the sound, the fact that it’s unusual yet familiar at the same time…everything about it is fantastic.

And like I said, even hubby likes it! BUT! He will not give up on using Summer as her middle name. And this is bad because our last name is Schiff. If we give our daughter the name Arabella Summer, her initials will be ASS! And I just cannot do that to my baby.

It’s been suggested that we use Summer Arabella, and just always call her by her middle name but…& this might be totally irrational, but I hate the name Summer so much that even the thought of using it as her first name (even if we never call her by it, you know that someone will use it eventually) makes me sick to my stomach.

So! Do you know of any names (besides Isabella, because that’s just way to popular right now & we’d like to stay away from names in the top 50-100 if possible) that has a similar style to the name I love so much, but won’t give us horrible initials when paired with Summer? Something unique-ish but still familiar sounding, & girly is good. But really, I’m open to all suggestions! There must be another name out there just waiting for us to fall in love with it.

So you see, we really need your help!

Oh, dear. This IS a pickle. I think you’re right not to go the “Summer Arabella but never call her Summer” route. It’s tricky to pull it off, it leads to a lifetime of confusion and corrections, and you’d be giving your daughter a name you hate—which she could START USING. Well, I mean, she could call herself Midnight Thorn, too, but what I’m saying here is that it would be hard to roll your eyes at her for using her own legal first name. Also, I feel defensive of your bargaining position: you’ve already given up a big piece of territory (the middle name position), and I don’t want to see you lose all ground.

In fact, what I’d like to see here is a renegotiation. You hate the name Summer, it makes you sick to your stomach, and you are never going to use it. There is therefore no gain to your husband to get his way on putting the name Summer in the middle name slot, and the resulting loss of the name Arabella is a loss to him as well as to you. It seems like it would make more sense for the two of you to make the first name—the name you are going to USE—a priority. Perhaps you can find…some other way to make it up to him?

So my first solution is to use Arabella and think of a different middle name. Perhaps something from his side of the family, or another name he likes, or perhaps even another name you both agree on and like.

I know, however, how these naming things go, and I realize this may not be a possible solution at this point, so let’s find you some more options to consider:

Clarabella Summer Schiff (CSS)
Clarissa Summer Schiff (CSS)
Emmeline Summer Schiff (ESS)
Gabriella Summer Schiff (GSS)
Lissandra Summer Schiff (LSS)
Maribel Summer Schiff (MSS)
Mirabella Summer Schiff (MSS)
Noella Summer Schiff (NSS)
Rosabel Summer Schiff (RSS)

Notice that the name Clarabella is Arabella with a Cl at the beginning. Also, it can be shortened to Clara if the whole thing is a little Much.

Maribel/Mirabella are also “almost Arabella”—but with an M.

Many of the -el/-ella options can be tweaked by making the endings -el or -elle or -ella: for example, Rosabel/Rosabelle/Rosabella, or Clarabel/Clarabelle/Clarabella.

What do you all think? What’s best? What are some other options? What would you do if this were you?

Let’s put a poll for the names over to the right. [poll closed; see below]

[Poll results (214 votes total):
Arabella (not using Summer): 56 votes, roughly 26%
Clarabella: 27 votes, roughly 13%
Clarissa: 14 votes, roughly 7%
Emmeline: 31 votes, roughly 14%
Gabriella: 25 votes, roughly 12%
Lissandra: 6 votes, roughly 3%
Maribel: 16 votes, roughly 7%
Mirabella: 20 votes, roughly 9%
Noella: 9 votes, roughly 4%
Rosabel: 10 votes, roughly 5%]

Melanie writes:

I’m due at the very beginning of October with our first, a boy, and though we’re pretty sure of what we’ll name him, I was wondering if you could help resolve some issues with your (and your readers’) baby-naming knowledge.

I have loved the name Eli for about ten years, and was delighted when it sounded good with both our family-inspired middle name, Joseph, and our last name. My husband likes it too, especially the initials. He was called J.R. as a kid and likes the sound of E.J.

There’s only one problem– we live in the New York area, where Eli Manning is the reigning Super Bowl quarterback. My (rather large) family lives in New England, where Manning is one of the foils to the Patriots’ nearly-perfect season. My family, especially my father (a one-time Patriots season ticket holder) have named pets after sports figures in the past, and I don’t want it to seem that we named our son after the quarterback. So far, I have consoled myself by saying that people like my dad can call him E.J., but we’ve never fully committed. I’d like to think that I don’t care what other people think if my husband and I love the name, but we’ve still been trying to find backups.

Another name that we love is Miles, but it’s the name of a friend’s pet. Colin has stayed on the list, as has Aaron, but I don’t love either of them. Henry and Charles have been dubbed “old” by my husband. Female names that we liked included Leah, Lily, Natalie and Morgan. I like names that inspire intelligence, creativity and kindness, though I know that’s a matter of opinion.

Because our last name can be difficult to pronounce and is uncommon, it’s important to have an easy, short first name. I like classic names with some style. My husband prefers names that don’t “sound old.” We’d like to stay away from anything too trendy.

Could you please help? What do you think of the Eli issue? I’m hoping that I’m just paranoid and most people won’t even make the football connection (or perhaps Brett Farve will steal the spotlight in the coming season). Could there be another name that does the trick and doesn’t require an explanation or disclaimer?

I think you should use Eli. You love it. You agree on it. You want to use it. It’s perfect with your surname and with the middle name you want to use.

I think the sports connection is tenuous at best, and not at all obvious. If you named him Babe Ruth, that would be different—but Eli? I don’t think you’ll need to volunteer an explanation that “it’s not after Eli Manning.” (Eli Manning’s full name is Elisha, if that helps.) If I were you and my dad gave me any crap, I’d roll my eyes and say, “I’ve liked this name for TEN YEARS! It has nothing to do with SPORTS! Beezus!”

On the other hand, I’m not what you’d call “sporty.” Perhaps some of you sports fans can help us out here.

I went through an old box of diaries and other youthful crap last night, and one of my finds was a series of lists of my favorite baby names from 1984-1988. SCORE.

I’m going to list all the names, along with each name’s popularity ranking the year I liked it (source for rankings: Social Security Administration) and any reason I remember for liking it.

1984

Girls:
Alexandra (#96)
Emily (#24) (I knew a very cute little toddler Emily)

Boys:
Theodore (#213) (likely The Cosby Show)
David (#5) (crush)

1985

Girls:
Christy (#151; Kristy was #145) (liked a book with a Christy in it)
Emily (#24)
Jenny (#157; Jennifer was #3) (my best friend was Jenny)
Megan (#10)
Michelle (#22)

Boys:
Darren (#161) (nice, cute, smart classmate)
Jonathan (#17)

1986

Girls:
Christy (#174; Kristy was #158)
Emily (#24)

Boys:
Jonathan (#16)
Seth (#97)
Jimmy (#150; James was #7) (crush)

1987

Girls:
Christy (#207; Kristy was #181)
Emily (#19)
Jenny (#165; Jennifer was #4)
Megan (#12)
Miriam (#325) (I knew a cute toddler Miriam)
Saradonna (not in the Top 1000) (and I have no idea)

Boys:
Joshua (#4)
Jimmy (#154; James was #8) (crush)
Seth (#89)
Jonathan (#18)
Andrew (#6) (crush)

1988

Girls:
Emily (#18)
Kristen (#36)
Miriam (#336)

Boys:
Jason (#27) (crush)
Joshua (#4)
Jimmy (#162; James was #9) (crush)
Andrew (#5) (crush)