Megan writes:

So I am due in seven weeks and my husband and I are at a total impasse when it comes to boy names. I tend to be more traditional/old school with names while my husband is all over the board. I am stil in shock we actually landed on our first little guys name – Elliott – it was honestly the only name either of us even somewhat like. Our last name is Jones so a lot of the names I like are killed because I don’t want to name him after an old singer (Davey Jones, Tom Jones) or a financial institution (Edward Jones).

Part of our struggle too is I like the middle name to have meaning (Elliott’s middle name is my maiden name) so some of the names we like don’t sound good with our two middle name options right now (Christopher – husbands’ middle name and Raymond – Grandfather’s name). The boys names we like at this point are:

Miles Christopher

Gavin Christopher

Charles Raymond

While I am not one to get flipped out if another kid has my child’s name I don’t want every kid on the block to have the name which is my concern with Charles (Charlie). My husband doesn’t love Gavin but I have been keeping it on the table since it was my great grandmother’s maiden name so I like that linkage. And for Miles I just wonder if it is a good little boys name…I can see it as a grown up but I have a hard time imagining a little baby names Miles. Clearly I am overthinking all of these!! I just wish i LOVED a name and right now I don’t!!

Thoughts on the names we are contemplating are greatly welcome or if there are new ideas we will listen to those too!

Any help you can provide will be greatly appreciated and i swear i will send a pic if you help me out with this!!

If your husband isn’t crazy about the name Gavin, and if you want a meaningful middle name, I suggest using Gavin as the middle name. I especially like this idea when the surname is the husband’s: that way each family line is represented in the child’s name.

I think Miles is wonderful with Elliott, but the repeating s-endings of Miles Jones makes it a little difficult for me to say. (Charles Jones has the same issue, but it stands out to me less if you’ll be calling him Charlie.) Do you like the name Milo? I like the repeating long-o sound of Milo Jones. Milo Gavin Jones; Elliott and Milo.

Oliver would be nice with Elliott, and I also like it with Gavin. Oliver Gavin Jones; Elliott and Oliver.

The Baby Name Wizard suggests these five brother names for Elliott: Bennett, Graham, Duncan, Reid, Miles. I think Reid Jones sounds handsome. Not everyone likes the 1-1 syllable sound, but I think sometimes it works (Brad Pitt, Sean Penn) and sometimes it doesn’t. Reid Gavin Jones; Elliott and Reid.

One of my favorites is Simon. I’m not sure it works with Gavin as a middle name—I can’t tell if the repeating endings tie the name together or if they’re too much -en sound. Simon Gavin Jones; Elliott and Simon. Or Simon Christopher Jones is nice.

Another of my favorites is Ian. Again, the repeating -en sound is something that some will like and some won’t. Ian Gavin Jones, or Ian Christopher Jones; Elliott and Ian.

Calvin crosses that Liking/Not-Liking line for me by repeating the entire second syllable: Calvin Gavin Jones. But Calvin Christopher Jones or Calvin Raymond Jones both work. Elliott and Calvin.

I think the name Isaac would work beautifully, and I like the repeating S-as-Z sounds in Isaac Jones. Isaac Gavin Jones; Elliott and Isaac.

Or do you like Nathaniel? Nathaniel Gavin Jones; Elliott and Nathaniel.

Or Gabriel. Gabriel Gavin Jones; Elliott and Gabriel.

Or Micah. Micah Gavin Jones; Elliott and Micah.

Or Karl. Karl Gavin Jones; Elliott and Karl.

If you don’t mind repeating an initial, I suggest Edmund. Edmund Gavin Jones; Elliott and Edmund.

Yvette writes:

I am Yvette and my husband Luke and I are due with our fourth child on August 24. We had the name Wolfe Alan Mackenzie picked out but when we announced it last week, we had the very unpleasant shock of learning from my mom that Wolf is the last name of my grandfather’s first wife who stole all his money and was a very nasty woman and that my grandfather would be very upset if we picked that name.

Luke really likes last names as first names and I hate them so it was a trial settling on Wolfe in the first place. I don’t like names that end with an EE sound although I don’t mind this in nicknames. This is probably be our last child.

Our new son will join George Darwin, Caden Samuel and Minerva (Minnie) Laura. Darwin is my maiden name, Samuel is Luke’s father’s name and Laura is Luke’s mother’s name. George, Caden and Minnie are names we adore. We’re not in love with Minerva but we love Minnie and wanted her to have a proper name. The baby’s middle name will be Alan, which is my grandfather’s name.

As you can see, we like a lot of different styles and don’t think it’s important that siblings names match. When you’re an adult, no one cares what your brothers and sisters are called.

Names We’ve Rejected:

Skylar (Luke only likes this on a girl)

Harper (he loves but I hate it)

Colton (We love but Luke’s cousin who he’s never seen in 20 years but has the last name named his son this.)

Uriah (My favorite boys name ever and Luke absolutely can’t stand it. He insists that any child named Uriah will be mercilessly teased by other children calling him urinal.)

Lachlan (We love but no one has heard of it and thinks it a girl’s name. We also don’t like the nicknames Lack and Lackie, for obvious reasons.)

Names We’re Still Considering:

Kester (We met an adorable little boy with this name last year and the name has really stuck with us. We both love it a lot and especially love how Kester Mackenzie sounds. We are concerned about people mispronouncing and misspelling it. People also don’t seem to be aware it’s a name. I’m nervous about giving our son a completely unheard of name.)

Zane (We both like it but don’t love it.)

Martin (We both like it a lot but we don’t like Marty.)

Hamish, pronounced Ay-mish. It’s the Scottish James (We love it but people pronounced wrong and our families hate it.)

Cyrus (I love, Luke thinks it’s okay but we’re a bit worried it will make people think of Miley Cyrus)

Please help us Swistle and readers! We’re due in less than two weeks and can’t settle on anything. Thanks so much!

 
From your comments by each name you’re still considering, it sounds to me as if Kester is the name you want. It’s hardly ever used as a name in the United States (according to the Social Security Administration, five children were given the name in 2009; the name isn’t in the database at all for 2010, which means it was given to fewer than five children), but the names Chester and Lester and Hester (and words like jester and tester) may help people find it more familiar.

Cyrus sounds like your other major contender. Although I associate the name Miley with the Cyrus family, the name Cyrus doesn’t make that connection for me.

I think you should put Lachlan back with the finalists. If people haven’t heard of it, I’d say it’s more that they haven’t heard of it YET. It’s unusual but still more common than Kester (147 new baby boy Lachlans in the U.S. in 2010; only 5 baby girl Lachlans).

If you like Coleton and the only problem is duplicating another family member, do you like Coleman instead? Or Alton? Or Ashton? Or Clayton? Dalton? Trenton? Fintan? Corbin? Holten? Holden? Treyton? Keaton? Kelton? Kenton? Paxton? Sutton? (I’m harvesting huge riches here from the “The -ens” section of The Baby Name Wizard.)

If you go with Martin, I think you’ll be able to avoid the nickname—but of course he may choose it himself when he’s older. Hamish seems like a poor fit for your circle, and I do think it would be mispronounced. Zane is an excellent fit for the sibling group but neither of you are enthusiastic about it.

Let’s have a poll for your finalists (plus Lachlan), over to the right. [Poll closed; see results below.]

Amy writes:

Naming gets harder with each child and I hope you and your readers can help us! I am pregnant with our 7th baby (c-section the end of August) and we do not know if it is a boy or girl. Our last name rhymes with Jason but begins with M. Currently we have Noah, Luke, Jonah (L&J are twins), Thomas, Kathryn, and Seth. Our boys all have biblical names although it wasn’t intentional in the beginning. The first three we happened to like and Luke is also a classic name and once we got to our fourth boy felt we needed continue that direction, but Thomas is also a classic. (Those two were my husband’s choices.) Our daughter is named after three of our grandmothers and with only one girl we used Kathryn Emme instead of only honoring one relative with the middle names as we did with our boys. I didn’t want her to have a nickname and insisted on calling her Kathryn for her first year but my husband and other family started in on Katie and so that is what she is and it fits her perfectly.

The problem now is finding a name that fits with all of them. If it is a boy to fit the pattern it probably should be a biblical name, although being that is a common trend with people we know our list is getting shorter. For a girl, we didn’t use a biblical name and so I like more feminine sounding names. I am wondering though if we need to find a girls name that can have a nickname or is shorter to go with Katie. My husband doesn’t like to discuss names too much until maybe two weeks before the birth but I can’t stop thinking about it. Although, he has agreed with a few.

Girl names we agree on: (middle will be either Joan or Elizabeth depending on which works. I’m not finding many to work with Joan although that is my preference). I’d think we’d have a longer list for a girl but it seems more difficult somehow.

Esther — my favorite. Yes it is biblical but I’ve always liked it and it is an old-time name but doesn’t especially go with either middle name. But I don’t feel settled about it. Husband is okay with it.

Eliza Joan (don’t love but is okay and would honor both people)

like but not using:

Emmeline (we both really like but husband would want a nn and then it would be Emme, our daughter’s middle name which seems strange) It also doesn’t go with middle names very well.

Evangeline (is it too long?) but like Evie for nn

Elenore (nn Nora but maybe too similar to Noah) and my husband said it reminds him of a car in a movie so no.

Elodie Joan (husband thinks sounds strange but I really like it)

Noelle (sounds too similar to our son Noah)

Felicity (love the meaning but I don’t know if it really fits with our others and not sure of a nn)

Lucia/Lucy (husband doesn’t like and we know two dogs with the name)

Cora (I really like Dora after my great-aunt and obviously won’t use that but husband nixed Cora)

used by friends that I liked — Gwendolyn, Lydia, Claire, Abigail

As for boys the middle name will be Gerald which doesn’t go with everything nicely.

Ezra – my absolute favorite (and the kids too) but hubby thinks it sounds too girly and also wonders why I pick the unusual names :)- He can be convinced but I prefer him to like the name.

Simon

Reuben

like but not using:

Judah- doesn’t go with Gerald (I would want to use the family name Ryan for a middle but don’t feel we can skip honoring this grandpa any longer and too it is probably is too similar to our Jonah)

Joseph (does’t go with Gerald and again is similar to Jonah)

Mathias/Matthew (too many M’s with our last name)

used by others close to us — Josiah, Isaac, Samuel

I don’t want it overly popular but as I have come to realize through reading your posts that shouldn’t matter if I really like it. I think my husband’s style leans more classic (as Thomas, Luke and Kathryn).

Any help you can offer is much appreciated!

Thanks!

and

A bit of an update as we are in the homestretch so thankfully my husband is more readily discussing names. His top three for girls are:

Esther

Felicity

Eleanor (which he previously didn’t like but said he realized his thinking about it was kind of strange). I still like the nn Nora but wonder if it is too similar to our Noah.

I do like each name but if using Esther would it matter that all of our children except one have biblical names? I seem to get hung-up on that point, mainly because the kids love to find their names in the bible. Where Katie can’t, I thought another girl not being able to might be good. But I honestly have no idea if it matters.

And then for middle names I almost wish we didn’t always name after a family member because I can find so many names that would sound better with each name. I think my husband would like Elizabeth better because it was his Grandma’s name (my middle name) but it makes a name so long being 4 syllables. Joan for me was an Aunt. Tossed around using my Mom’s name — Carol, but that isn’t really any better of a fit.

As for boys, well he just told me he is leaning toward Simon or Simeon. I don’t necessarily like two “S” initials for children in a row (this one after Seth) but I don’t say their names in order all that often. I don’t think my husband will ever come around to Ezra which is fine for me. I read a previous post you did which was really good about not necessarily having the name be your “perfect” name but for both husband and wife finding a “good” name you can agree on.

Again, any advice you can offer would be great!

S. writes:

I am having a baby girl in THREE weeks and do not have a name!!

I have two boys, Hudson and Korver.

Hudson was born before his name became a little more common. I love both becasue they were unique, masculine and strong. My last name is Brown, which I love because it lends itself to more unique names without the entire name being complicated.

Here is my issue;

My all time FAVORITE is Navy, however with the last name Brown, everyone tends to laugh:( Even my husband can’t fall for it!

I love Navy because it is unique, yet a common word that peole are familiar with. I love how classic Navy blue is and the nautical feel. It’s playful and cute without being too cutsy.

Other names we like:

Oakley: my next favorite, this is a top runner, even the hubby likes it! I just don’t want it to sound western, nor am I 100% about it!

Capri: my husband doesn’t love

Jada: I liked years ago, but don’t love anymore

London: same thing, loved years ago but I am hearing too many of them.

Brinley: my husbands favorite, but I don’t like!

Others I like but dont know if they are “the one”:

Hadley

Haden: close to Hudson

Haven

Vienna: I am liking this one more and more

Sienna: my sisters name is Sierra (a little too close)

Cozette

Ideally I would find one like Navy but with no reference to a color:) What do you think? Are there any names you have in mind that fit the type of name I am going for?

thank you!!

 
I suggest Ivy. It has much of the sound and sass of the name Navy, but no color. Ivy Brown. Other possibilities:

Ada
Anastasia
Averil
Avianna
Avy
Avyn
Aylin
Bridger
Cambria
Clarity
Darcy
Eidey (rhymes with Heidi)
Landry
Laney
Keeler
Marina
Nautica
Padgett
Sailor
Skylark

Skylark might be too obscure/uncommon, but I found it while double-checking on the nautical association of Keeler and it seemed cute: an even more cheerful variation on Skylar, and with nicknames Sky and Lark. Sailor Brown probably doesn’t work, but it’s so nautical I wanted to include it anyway. Keeler is close to Korver, but the middle sounds are so different I thought it might work anyway. Hard to tell.

Avy and Avyn and Avianna are all there because of the “avy” sound; Avyn is fun because it’s a rearrangement of the letters of Navy.

Eidey is a name I encountered this summer. Unusual, yet very appealing in use: I liked it every time I heard it. The girl I know uses it as a nickname for Eidelyn (EYE-dah-lin). One small issue, maybe a plus, maybe a minus: the song Brown-Eyed Girl.

From your list, Vienna seems terrific: the same sounds you like from Navy, rearranged.

Julia writes:

I am a loyal reader of your blog, and I need some advice from you and your other readers. We are having our first child next month (due Sept. 16) and we have yet to decide on a name. We have narrowed it down to a short list that includes:

Charlotte Kate
Lucy Kate
Ruby Kate
Hazel Kate
Jackie Kate

We plan to call her by both names, so we need help deciding what sounds best together. Depending on which we go with, we might use Katherine as the middle name and just call her Kate. For example, if we go with Lucy Kate we would likely name her Lucy Katherine and call her Lucy Kate. If we go with Jackie, we would likely name her Jackie Kate or Jacklyn Kate.

Which combination of the above 5 do you like best and any thoughts/feedback on them? Oh and if it helps, I am Julia and my husband is Ben. Our last name is Phillips. So basically any of them go with our last name.

Thanks so much for your help!!!

 
I said each one aloud several times, imagining addressing a child. For me, Charlotte Kate is the largest/longest to say outloud: the Char of Charlotte needs a little extra time to say, and then the consonant ending of Charlotte forces a little pause. I think I like the sound of Jackie Kate least. I’m not sure why—the repeating K sound, maybe. That may be part of the reason Charlotte Kate isn’t my favorite, either: the doubled T-ending.

My top favorite is Lucy Kate. It’s the combination I find easiest to say (no hard consonant sounds in the first name), and also the combination I think would be most likely to be understood by someone hearing it.

Ruby Kate and Hazel Kate are tied for second place. Not as smooth for me to say as Lucy Kate, but easier for me to say than Charlotte Kate or Jackie Kate.

Let’s have a poll over to the right, to see everyone else’s favorites! [Poll closed; see results below.]

Amy writes:

I could really use your help. We are expecting our second child on December 12 (scheduled c-section) and I can’t come to like the boys name my husband loves. We are not finding out whether this little one is a boy or a girl until birth so we have to have both a boy and a girl name chosen.

My name is Amy and my husband is Troy and our last name is the oh so common Johnson. Our first child is Luke Edward and his first name is one I have always loved and his middle name is after my maternal grandfather who passed away while I was pregnant. We are sticking with the plan of using a family name as the middle name for this child but I feel like we need to include my husband’s family this time although the options are not very good (my mother-in-law has even told me not to worry about their side because she knows the options aren’t great). We don’t know yet if this will be our last child or not. Our styles from The Baby Name Wizard tend toward antique charm, timeless and biblical.

We have decided on a girls name–Hannah Elizabeth. Hannah again because I really like it and Elizabeth is my middle name along with my mom and grandmother. Other top girl names we’ve considered: Molly, Brooke and Abigail.

Okay, so on to the boys name. We have decided to use my husband’s middle name, Anthony, as a middle name because we feel this is the best option from the family list. I feel like it greatly limits what first names we can use. The current top choice and my husband’s favorite is Eric Anthony. There is something about two vowel names that is bugging me. I don’t feel like they flow very well. Of course you’ve said numerous times that full names aren’t used too often but I can’t imagine high school graduation with Eric Anthony Johnson. I like both names but just not together. I also think that Eric goes well with Luke. So, help please!

Other top boy first names we both like:

Grant (my top, hubby is okay with it)

Ethan (we both like)

Kent (his favorite but I don’t like at all)

Tyler (okay for both of us)

Other family names for a middle name:

Charles (my side)

James (my side)

Lyle (my side)

Michael (his side but not great association for me)

Hugo (his side)

Alvin (his side)

Walter (his side but not a favorite person in the family)

I welcome any and all suggestions! Thank you so very, very much!

I really like the sound of Eric and Anthony together. But such things are hugely subjective; if you don’t like the way the names sound together, let’s see if we can find something else.

My main advice is to choose the first name first, get that completely settled, and then choose the middle name. Anthony may seem like the best choice when looking at a list of middle names by themselves, but a completely different favorite may emerge if you start with the first name you love. Right now, you’re being greatly limited in your first name choice by a restriction that doesn’t have to be there. (And this probably goes without saying, but of course you can also decide not to use a family name in the middle-name slot at all. Or, if you change the concept to “a name of significance,” then it can also be a friend’s name or a place name.)

If Eric is the agreed-upon first-choice name, try it with the other middle names on your list. I’m scratching out Michael and Walter, because it seems like honor names work best when it’s someone you want to honor. Eric Charles Johnson. Eric James Johnson. Eric Lyle Johnson. Eric Hugo Johnson. Eric Alvin Johnson. Do any of those sound better to you? Or would Eric Troy Johnson work?

Changing the middle name also frees up Ethan. Ethan Charles Johnson. Ethan James Johnson. Ethan Lyle Johnson. Ethan Hugo Johnson. Ethan Troy Johnson.

You may have already tried this, but I find there are sometimes a lot of good family names to be found among the surnames. Mother-in-law’s maiden name? Grandmother-in-law’s maiden name? Your own maiden name? If it would be pleasing to honor your husband’s side, you could also look in the family tree for names such as the name of the first person in their family to emigrate, or any other family member with a good story.

Another possibility is to use the family name as the first name. Luke and Charlie is a very cute combination.

K. writes:

Where do I begin?

When I was pregnant, I wanted nothing to do with baby names. See my first pregnancy was a second trimester miscarriage. Call me superstitious, call me crazy but I didn’t want to come up with names because I was afraid to jinx this pregnancy. You know, the first time we started with names and got some baby things right off the bat and that didn’t work out so well.

Skip to eight months pregnant at my small baby shower where I was asked what the baby name would be. I said, “The only name I don’t like is David. We also have Lincoln and Franklin on the list.”

When my husband would bring up David, I would tell him that it was the only name I didn’t want. Skip to the birth and after a beautiful natural birth at a midwife center (where you only stay for a few hours after the birth) my husband kept campioning for David and refused to let me bring home the baby unnamed. I caved. Actually, I don’t remember signing the birth certificate, I only remember him saying, “If you don’t like it we can change it”. At that point I really just wanted all the comotion to stop so I could enjoy my baby boy.

Well, I still didn’t like David after the birth. When my son was 2 weeks old, we were changing it. Then my husband said we couldn’t. When my son was 4 weeks old we were changing it and then my husband said we couldn’t.

My husband says that the name doesn’t matter to him, that it doesn’t mean that much and he would change it but doesn’t.

The catch, it’s his father’s name. My husband named my son after his father because he felt kind of obligated to.

Now his father has gotten word that I hate the name.

I don’t even know what to do at this point. How to make peace. I am sure his father feels hurt. My husand is stuck between telling me he doesn’t care about the name and would change it for me but not wanting to hurt his dad. I am hurt because I assocciate the name with kids I went to high school with and the name isn’t transceding the assoccation.

By the way, I hate Dave, Davey, etc. And my husband refuses to allow me to call him by his middle name.

I have an 8 month old with no name. I cry about it a lot. Like why didn’t I speak up for myself more and name him Lincoln which I really wanted. Why did I let him persuad me. It’s a big mess and I don’t know what to do.

 
Your 8-month-old is not nameless. He has a name, and his name is David.

In most cases, I would not say that. We’ve addressed the topic of namer’s remorse before, and my usual advice is that a name CAN be changed. There is an exception: when the name is a family name, it can’t be changed. It’s too hurtful and damaging.

In your situation, I say it not only because it is a family name, but also because your husband is not willing to change it. He says he is, but his actions are speaking louder than his words. He’s not willing to compromise on the name at all, not even to allow you to call your son by his other legal name.

Whether you should or shouldn’t have given in on this, and whether your husband should or shouldn’t have pressured you into using a name he knew you didn’t like, is irrelevant at this point and will only drive you crazy to think of it. Just as with similar obsessions (wishing we had/hadn’t said something, wishing an accident hadn’t happened), the wishes are counter to reality, and the inability to change reality can lead to mental cycling. At this point, the answer to your question is that what’s done is done, and it is time to accept the name even if you always hate the name. Brush the hands briskly together and learn for next time. Remind yourself that loving or not loving a name is not the same as loving or not loving a person.

It may help to know you are not alone: many families have naming traditions that one or both parents hate but feel obligated to accept anyway, and many parents give in to the other parent and later wish they hadn’t. Will your husband allow you to call your son endearments such as Sweetie or Honey?

The situation with your father-in-law is unfortunate. If you were publicly announcing during the pregnancy that his name was the only one you didn’t want to use, it isn’t something you can correct as a misunderstanding. At this point, the solution is to stop talking about how much you hate it, and hope that with time the issue blows over. Ideally, the pleasure of having his name used will trump the unpleasant but universal knowledge that there are some people who don’t like it. Your husband could perhaps spin it as “Whether we liked the name or not, it was important to us to honor you in this way.”

Nora writes:

my husband and i have…an issue. our baby isn’t due til halloween (and i hope she comes that day, how great would that be!) but we are a little freaked out about the whole thing. for lots of reasons, but one of them is the name!

this will be our first child. we want to have at least 3, maybe 4. the names that we BOTH like and also would both be willing to actually use are:

girls

Anna
Amelia
Catherine
Caroline
Charlotte
Elizabeth
Hannah
Isabelle
Margaret
Sophie
Victoria

boys

Andrew
Adam
Edward
George
Henry
Isaac
Noah
Oliver
Samuel

so you can see, fairly classic names. Our names are Nora and Thomas, so we fit in with that kind of pattern as well. the thing is, hubs and i grew up together, and we’ve always wanted to honor a family that was very important to us growing up with our first child. their surname was Malone. well, it still is. we can’t overestimate what this family did for us–every last one of them which is why we want to use their surname not one first name. the trouble is, Malone doesn’t go with the other names that we like, and it isn’t our style generally. If we have 4 kids and we name them Malone, Hannah, Edward and Oliver isnt that going to feel weird for Malone? and are we dooming her to a life of being called Baloney?

We really, really want to honor this family, though. and we don’t want to use it as a middle–there is a tradition in my family that the firstborn girl always has the middle name Rose, so that will be her middle.

oh–surname is like bells but with a W (kids will have my surname).

thank you!!!!!!!!!

 
Considering sibling names from the very first child is one of the best ways to make the naming process smoother later on. Because many people DON’T consider it ahead of time, AND because many people have naming traditions in their families that result in using a name for their first child that would not be their usual choice, I think it’s relatively common to have the first child’s name not quite line up with the others. I think it can even be a bit of a point of pride for the first child.

And of course, it can also be a bit of a burden. So. It comes down to this, I think: do you love the name? Do you want to use it? Do you love it and want to use it enough to take it with its complete assortment of upsides and downsides? (It’s like a marriage, isn’t it? Do you take this name for better and for worse?) There are other ways to thank and honor a family that meant so much to you, if you decide not to do this particular one—though of course, this is an especially spectacular way!

Another possibility is to use Malone as a middle name for a future child, or as a first name for a future boy (though that adds risk: maybe there will be no boy). According to The Social Security Administration, the name Malone was given to 11 girls and 6 boys in 2010, so right now it’s a gender-neutral surname name. Girls TEND to care more about their names, but on the other side TEND to be given a wider variety of unusual names including boyish names (even though we tend to avoid girlish names for boys)—so it’s a matter of whether you think the name Malone works better as a stand-out from her sisters, or as a stand-out from his brothers. Pick various groups of sibling names and try it out to see what your own preference is.

But I think there are a number of things working in your favor if you want to use it now, and as a first name. The aforementioned commonness of a first child having a name of a different style. The TYPE of style difference Malone is, which I think goes better with your group of names than some other styles would. The coolness of the name Malone, which seems like it would work better for the child than an honor name of the “popular in another generation, hopelessly dated now” type. The middle name Rose, which gives her something traditional and feminine to fall back on if she prefers.

And most of all, I think “having a good explanation” is HUGE. Have you ever seen the effect on a crowd of something like this? A parent will mention a name that surprises everyone in the group—and then the parent adds “It’s my mother’s maiden name” or “It’s my sister’s name” and everyone visibly switches to Positive Reaction. “Oh! It’s an HONOR name! That’s a different story!”

Melissa writes:

Hi! My husband and I are expecting our first child (baby girl) October 15. With only 10 weeks left, we still don’t have a name. We had a name picked out for a boy. Rhett Michael. Rhett just because I love it and Michael for my father. We do have a middle name picked out for her, Rene’…..which is my middle name. Our last name is Presley, so I’m trying to avoid names that end in ly, ie, ee (etc). I love the name Aubree, but I think it sounds to rhyme-y with Presley. I also don’t want anything that begins with a P, as her initials would be PP. I’m also trying to avoid names that are too trendy/popular. Here are some of the names we have considered:

Edyn Rene’ Presley-Maybe too short of a first name with a short middle name? And initials are ERP…?
Adele Rene’ Presley-initials ARP….?
Hayden Rene’ Presley -I feel like Hayden is very trendy with all the names that sound like it…aden, kaden, jaden etc
Bristol Rene’ Presley-This is a top contender right now. I love it. But for some reason, I’m just not SOLD on it yet. It meets all the criteria. I’m worried that it sounds too much like Crystal and I am not a fan of that name. Perhaps I’m just being to picky.

Please help!

The main issue with the name Bristol, I think, is that it’s so tied to Bristol Palin: for most of us, that was the first time we’d heard the name, and then we heard about her a lot all at once. It can be a positive or negative association or both—it’s the STRENGTH of the association that’s the issue.

It’s even more of an issue because your surname has a strong association of its own—strong enough that I might avoid E names, to avoid “E. Presley,” and I think I would avoid first names ending in is/ys/ice. Putting Bristol and Presley together is like…Cher Affleck, or Clinton Pitt. And if you’re considering Rhett for a future son, that is a lot of famous associations for one family.

On the other hand, the strength of the Bristol association is rapidly diluting: the name has had a sudden increase in popularity.

2006: 30 new baby girls named Bristol
2007: 31 new baby girls named Bristol
2008: 65 new baby girls named Bristol
2009: 434 new baby girls named Bristol
2010: 513 new baby girls named Bristol

So by the time your little girl is in school, it’s likely that most people will have encountered Bristols other than Bristol Palin, and perhaps it’ll be more like the difference between naming a baby girl Reagan in 1984 and naming a girl Reagan now.

But if you’re avoiding trendy, I’d avoid Bristol. A trendy name doesn’t have to be popular: it just has to be tied to a specific time. It’s possible the name Bristol will become an enduringly popular choice, but if it doesn’t, it will be strongly tied to this very time period.

I suggest Brindle instead. It’s similar to Bristol, but doesn’t sound like Crystal and has no celebrity association. It also has the cute nickname Brin. Brindle René Presley.

Or Audra: it’s similar to Aubree/Audrey but without the rhymey problem, and it’s a name not even in the Top 1000. Audra René Presley.

Helena (the heh-LAY-nah pronunciation) has some of the sounds of Hayden, without the trendiness. It duplicates some of the sounds of the middle name; I like it, but tastes vary tremendously on this sort of thing. Helena René Presley.

If you like Edyn, I suggest Haven. Haven René Presley.

When I looked up Rhett in The Baby Name Wizard, I found the suggested sister name Lark. I think that would work well. Lark René Presley.

I wonder if you’d like Cleo? It’s oddly uncommon, considering the popularity of Chloe (same sounds in a different order). Cleo René Presley.

Or Jada. Jada René Presley.

Or Calla. Calla René Presley.

Or Madigan. Madigan René Presley.

Or one of my favorites is Geneva. Geneva René Presley.

Lara writes:

I have a bit of an interesting conundrum. I’m a lifelong name enthusiast, and have been pretty much my entire life. An co-worker of mine had a baby – I’m kind of shy and he’s kind of an introvert. I eventually asked another coworker what the baby’s name was, and he answered with something that sounded like, “Amyquinn,” or, perhaps more accurately, “Emiquin.” It sounded like a name I should have heard of – it does sound lovely… but I can’t seem to find existence anywhere. Is there a name that sounds like this? Or maybe it was a name they created, or maybe it is “Amy Quinn”? As someone who spends a lot of her free time thinking about names, it’s frustrating!

My top guess is that the child’s name is Emme/Emmy/Emmie Quinn or Emma Quinn—that he was giving the first and middle names. But we are definitely going to need a follow-up on this one: you are going to have to steel yourself to ask the co-worker who had the baby what his baby’s name is, for all our sakes.

It will be easier if he puts a photo of the child on his desk, because then you can start by cooing over the cuteness, and then ask at the end of an awwww. Like this: “Ohhhhhhh, is this the BAY-bee?? Oh, she’s so CUTE! Oh, look at her little CHEEKS! What a SWEETie! Awwwww…!….What’s her NAME?” Maintain tone of voice and fond gazing at baby’s face throughout, so that “What’s her name?” is said in the same cooing voice as the rest.

If he says it and you still don’t understand it, say, “I LOVE it! How are you spelling it?” This question CAN backfire, as when someone replies, “….E-m-m-a…” with a strange look—but these things happen, and you just have to have “Ha ha! No, I mean the MIDDLE name!” on deck ready to go. If you are not the “I LOVE it!” type, you can start with “What a GREAT name!” instead.

As an aside, this is a good opportunity to mention to the world at large that those are the only two appropriate responses to a baby’s name, and they must be said instantly, before the name has even registered in the brain (and in fact, I find it’s easier to give a hearty positive response if I haven’t had time to form an actual reaction). Anything else sounds like a suppressed “Oh ick, seriously?”—and new parents are highly attuned to tones, pauses, and word choices. A reaction such as “Ohhhhh…that’s an…interesting choice!” might seem to the speaker as if it’s a safe and tactful response, but it might as well be “Ug, I hate it.” Honesty has no place in baby name reactions—and besides, “What a GREAT name!” is true in the sense that all names are great names to the people who chose those names over all others. Our own subjective opinions about the name have no impact on the objective value of the name. (Well, or if they do, this is no time for pointing it out.)

Back to the subject at hand. If he doesn’t have a photo on his desk, you can open with “I hear you have a new baby at your house!” (Don’t say “Congratulations” right away: you’ll need that for your exit line.) Then wait for his reaction, which will probably be something along the lines of “Yeah, it’s pretty great” or “Yeah, we haven’t been getting much sleep ha ha!” or possibly he will even take that opportunity to mention her name. When you need to get away, say, “Well….congratulations!” and duck out. This exchange will force both of you to make some eye contact and do some talking, but it is for the greater good.

Or perhaps your office will release some sort of birth announcement? Or you could search online for your co-workers name to see if you can find the baby announcement in the local newspapers. Or you could see if the local hospital posts baby names/photos online.

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Does a name like Emiquin/Amyquinn ring a bell for anyone? Can we figure out what name it might be?