Lucy writes:

My husband (Brian) and I (Lucy) are expecting our second child in March. We will wait to find out the gender until the day he/she is born. Even though it’s quite a ways before the baby is due we are already discussing names and trying to figure out the perfect one. We love family/honor names and plan to use a family name for both the first and middle name. Our first child, Eln@ F@e, is named directly after both of her maternal grandmas.

If this next child is a boy, naming him will be easy. We will use George Austin. George is an important and personal name from both sides of the family. Austin is my Grandma’s maiden name and mom’s middle name.

If this child is a girl we are deciding between Virginia Greer (middle name not definite yet) and Harriet. If we use Virginia we will mostly use the nicknames Ginger or Gigi. If we use Harriet we would call her both Harriet and Hattie.  I like the sound of Hattie Harri$, but obviously Harriet Harri$ has some definite problems.  (The family member we would be naming her after was also named Harriet Harri$).  We know that a middle name could possibly soften the problem here, but don’t want to have to always say her first and middle together since Harriet is already three syllables.  We realize that if we use Harriet we are just embracing the fact that she will have the “John Johnson” or “Jack Jackson” issue her whole life or until she gets married, but I’m wondering how bad that is?  The middle names we are currently considering, but aren’t sure we like yet, are Christine, Joanne, & Luella.  Do these help, or can nothing help the situation?

Any advice would be super appreciated!  Thank you!

One of my favorite books to read to younger kids is Harriet, You’ll Drive Me Wild!, by Mem Fox.

(photo from Amazon.com)

This book made me love, love, love the name Harriet Harri$. It is so fun to say. When dealing with my own 5-year-old Henry, who is currently in a “difficult stage” (where “difficult stage” is said with clenched teeth and audible air quotes), I find this section of the book goes frequently through my mind: “Harriet, my darling child. Harriet, you’ll drive me wild. Harriet, sweetheart, what are we to do? Harriet Harri$, I’m talking to you!”

So because of that, the name sounds right and good to me, and in fact particularly appealing. It doesn’t seem like the equivalent of John Johnson or Jack Jackson; it seems more like Maribeth Marek or Abigail Abner.

Here is the main issue I would be concerned about: SO MANY opportunities for the nickname Hairy. But perhaps with the surname Harris, there is no avoiding it anyway?

I think you’re wise not to rely on the middle name to fix the situation: middle names are so rarely used, or even known. But in my opinion, there’s no situation to fix anyway: it’s a striking and distinctive and appealing honor name. If anyone DOES act funny about it, saying “Harriet Harris is a family name” seems like it would nip that in the bud.

What does everyone else think?

Name update! Lucy writes:

We had a baby GIRL on March 19th! My husband and I were so appreciative of your and your readers help! A good portion of your readers supported us in using Harriet Harris, but some really discouraged it. So, some of your readers will be disappointed, because we ended up going with Harriet and named our sweet girl Harriet Joanne Harris. Her first name is very meaningful to us, as she is named after an aunt of my husband that died as a teenager. Her middle name, Joanne, is after my grandma, one of the most wonderful women I know! We are so in love with her and her name!!

We use both Harriet and Hattie (but not Hattie Jo…so not a fan of that!) equally. Her almost-two-year-old sister only calls her Hattie and it just sounds so cute coming out of her little mouth. I hope they will be good friends!

Thank you so much your help!!

D. writes:

Dear Swistle and Swistle’s Readers–
I have been a fan of this blog for years (it was reassuring to discover so many others enjoy discussing names and the pleasures and pressures of naming other human beings!). We are expecting our third–and, given my advanced maternal age, final–child in November (Thanksgiving week!). We do not know the sex of the baby (we did not find out for the others, either) and are really kind of stumped for any names we agree on. Mostly we want a name that fits with the siblings, but we/I may also have too many “rules” that get in the way. Any advice, inspiration, suggestions, reassurances, etc. would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

So, here are the details:
Our last name kind of sounds like “Marek” but with an “R”;
Husband and I both have (fairly uncommon) names that start with “D” and would like to avoid another “D” name;
Daughters are Annabel and Emmaline (–line, not –leen, nn “Mimi” given to her by her big sister and it has stuck!);
We would rather not repeat “A” or “E” (we find that we put initials on so many things, it is just easier not to repeat);
I would love, for a girl, another 3-syllable name that starts with a vowel but am finding “I,” “O,” and “U” to be tough letters;
A boy would have the middle names “David Lee” (honor names not, as my husband jokes, a tribute to David Lee Roth);
Both girls have 2 middle names (honor names) and we would do the same for this child, if she’s a girl, but we want to know the first name before we start deciding on middles.

Choices currently in the mix:

Girls
Beatrice (has been in my top 3 since my first pregnancy but husband is not quite sold, though he is warming up)
Heloise (I am half French, so this spelling makes sense, plus this gets us an “E” name without using the vowel–worried that it is not an option since one of Emmaline’s middle names is “Louise”)
Mirabel (my mother is bothered that “Mirabelle” is a fruit in French, husband thinks another “bel” is one too many)
Ottoline (husband’s middle name is “Otto” but he is *definitely* not sold; I am worried it will lead to lots of teasing but I think the name is very sweet)
Margaret/Marguerite (family name, seems so stern next to Annabel and Emmaline!)
Lorelei (husband’s longtime favorite, I am not sure)
Matilda (love “Tillie,” not sure of the name in the sib set)
Winifred (I love this name, everyone else thinks I am crazy)

Boys
Conrad (has been top contender in each pregnancy, it is the name of my husband’s first ancestor to come to the US, but we have two issues: husband prefers “Konrad,” which I really don’t, and it feels like a great man’s name but a tough little boy’s name)
Henry (this would’ve been Emmaline’s name if she had been a boy, now it feels strange to use it–as if it is second-hand or something)
Jonathan (I love, husband does not)
Michael (we are lukewarm–is it too plain in the sibling set?)
Roderick (husband says no way, never)
Lawrence (worried “Lawrence `Marek'” sounds like “Lawrence Welk”)
Leonard (too easy to tease with? )
William (strong, solid, but maybe too common?)
Owen (family name but very common in our area)

As you can see we really have our work cut out for us! Any feedback is greatly appreciated since we are really unsure. We know that things can change (Emmaline was “Charlotte” for her first five minutes of life until husband and I made eye contact over her little head and shook our heads at the same time–she was definitely an Emmaline/Mimi), but we would love to be going into delivery with some options!

Thank you again for taking the time to consider our plight!

Oh! Oh oh oh! For a girl, I have the three-syllable, I/O/U name for you: Imogen. IMOGEN. Annabel, Emmaline, and Imogen. A, E, I—they’re even in order!

Second suggestion: Idalyn. It can be pronounced EYE-dah-lin, or more like Ida Lynn. We know an Eidelyn who goes by Eidey (EYE-dee) and it has grown on me SO MUCH. I like the E-spelling better, but the I-spelling gives you a new initial.

If you’re willing to add a syllable, I think Iliana is so pretty. I’m not sure how I’d spell it. Illianna? Ilianna? Illiana? Iliana? Ileanna? In 2011, the Social Security Administration reports 397 new baby girls named Iliana, 89 named Illiana, 49 named Ilianna, 39 named Ilyana, 33 named Illyana, and so on. My own preference, then, would be to go with Iliana, since that appears to be the most-used spelling.

Ottilie (oh-TEEL-lee-ah or oh-till-lee) is similar to Ottoline and perhaps your husband would prefer it; it also gives you the nickname Tillie. It’s quite a bit more unusual than your other daughters’ names, though.

Moving away from the vowel/syllable-match preference, I suggest Juliette. Annabel, Emmaline, and Juliette.

Or Clarissa. Annabel, Emmaline, and Clarissa.

Or Melody. Annabel, Emmaline, and Melody.

Or Felicity. Annabel, Emmaline, and Felicity.

Or Genevieve. Annabel, Emmaline, and Genevieve.

Or Cecily. Annabel, Emmaline, and Cecily.

Or Violet. Annabel, Emmaline, and Violet.

Or Bianca. Annabel, Emmaline, and Bianca.

Or Fiona. Annabel, Emmaline, and Fiona.

Or Penelope. Annabel, Emmaline, and Penelope.

I think it is fine to use Heloise as a first name even if another daughter has Louise as one of her middle names. Are you pronouncing it with no H sound, like Eloise? I think Hints From Heloise may have made that pronunciation a hard-sell in the United States.

I agree that Margaret seems a little different in style than Annabel and Emmaline, but Marguerite seems to me to have more of their light style—even more so if you use the French-wordplay nickname Daisy. Annabel, Mimi, and Daisy.

I love Lorelei in this sibling set. Annabel, Emmaline, and Lorelei! Very nice. I think Matilda is great, too. I’m picturing Annie, Mimi, and Tillie—so cute!

I like Beatrix even more than Beatrice. Annabel, Emmaline, and Beatrix.

I agree that Mirabel is too many -bel endings, but do you like Miranda? Annabel, Emmaline, and Miranda.

Isabel is also out because of Annabel, but Isadora would work. Annabel, Emmaline, and Isadora.

For a boy, I think Conrad is a great choice. I too would greatly prefer the C spelling, and in fact the K spelling might be a deal-breaker for me. Although—was that the way the ancestor spelled it, with a K? Because that might tip me.

Henry seems so perfect, I feel inclined to pressure you. I understand that feeling of it being almost a handmedown name, but I think that is the sort of feeling people can sometimes spin-talk themselves out of. If you imagine all the children you will have, standing in a little line waiting to be born, and if you imagine thinking to yourself, “Well, if the next baby is a girl, she will be Emmaline; and if instead the next baby is a boy, he will be Henry,” and then a little girl steps forward with a little boy behind her—then it is not as if the name Henry evaporated with The Boy Who Never Was, or as if the name was a rejected name, it’s just that you thought of his name one line position too early. It was not Henry’s turn yet, that’s all. (…Is it working?)

I suspect Oliver doesn’t work well with the surname, is that right? It’s too bad, because I think of it as very similar in style to Henry and to your daughters’ names, and it has three syllables and starts with an unused-initial vowel. Annabel, Emmaline, and Oliver.

I like Felix with the sibling names: Annabel, Emmaline, and Felix.

Name update! D. writes:

Dear Swistle and her readers–
First off, let me say thank you so very much for responding to our name questions. Not only did you offer some wonderful possibilities for a boy or girl, but you also proved to my husband that Ottoline and Imogen were, in fact, “real” names that people other than me actually do like! :-) Your responses were thoughtful and helpful and my husband and I both returned regularly to the comments to consider and re-consider some contenders.

In the end, our baby was born on November 21, the night before Thanksgiving. And what a BIG surprise! First of all, he is a boy! Everyone, including my OB, was sure we were having a girl. We even went to the hospital with a pink car seat! His first bath at home was with a pink towel! Second, he was actually BIG–9 lbs, 10 oz, and over 21″. He was born after only 5 minutes of pushing; the nurses kept coming by to visit the almost-10-pounder born in 5 minutes and without a c-section. So overall, a big surprise and an even bigger blessing.

We had gone in expecting a Beatrice or Josephine (middle names Augusta Rose, for family members) and were suddenly faced with a boy. We had agreed on Henry and when we saw his size our OB joked that we could go with Hank the Tank as a nickname. I was happy with Henry but my husband, He-of-the-Non-Opinion in naming conversations, declared he wanted a “bigger” name. He wanted our son to have a name that was big but gentle and that made him think of Benjamin. I was not sure, I was kind of dedicated to Henry, so we lived with it a while, tried other names, but it was soon pretty clear that he was our Benjamin, our Big Ben, Gentle Ben, Baby Ben, Benny, and even Jamie. So after all those months of wanting to find a unique yet traditional name, my husband chose the 3rd most popular name in our state, the 2nd most popular in our neighboring state, and a top 30 name nation-wide! And I, more than anyone, am surprised at how much that doesn’t bother me; I realized there is a reason popular names are popular–they appeal to many of us, and for good reason! Our only surprise has been the number of people who have asked us if he is named for religious reasons. It never occurred to me that the name was identified more with one faith than another. But everyone seems to like the name, and many people have said “Oh, I have never known a Ben that wasn’t a nice guy!” And that is pretty awesome.

So here he is, our beautiful boy, Benjamin David Lee “Marek”, at 36 hours old. Thank you so much for your advice and naming inspiration–I continue to read the blog with great interest (and a tiny  bit of envy that my baby-naming days are over).

Happy holidays to everyone, a wonderful 2013, and the best of luck and joy to all the expecting parents!

Rachel writes:

I stumbled upon your blog over a year ago, and was hooked immediately.  I’ve always been fascinated with naming trends and decision making factors.  Your advice is by far the best out there, and my husband and I would be thrilled to have your help in naming our second and final child.

My name is Rachel and my husband is Chris – both common names in our generation (late 70s), but ones that have aged well over time.  Our last name rhymes with Chrysler (the car) but starts with an H.  Important to note is that due to its German roots, the spelling is a bit crazy (three vowels in a row!), but it’s pronounced High-sler.  Our son’s name is Shane Matthew, which we adore and fits him to a T.  He’s a sporty and energetic boy.  We’re excited to be expecting a daughter in January, but are stuck on selecting her name. 

Here are our “would likes” in descending order of importance:
1. Our children will always have to spell and pronounce their last name, so we need the first name be one that’s easily read, written and recognized.
2. Prefer that it doesn’t start with an H or end with -er.  I also don’t want an S sound in the middle or end because of how it sounds with last name.
3. We are trying to avoid a trendy name that will soon sound dated.  Unfortunately, it seems our ear is drawn toward popular names (as you’ll see below), but we probably wouldn’t choose one in the end.

So, here’s a list of names that have at one point been in the mix to give you a sense of our taste.  I’ve also included the reason why I can convince myself that each name isn’t the one. Perhaps you can suggest others we might like or convince us why one on the list is just right.

Caroline (Maybe too formal and fancy for us.  No standard nickname, though we’ve talked about Carly or C.J. depending on middle name)
Colby (Too often a boy’s name, and the cheese association)
Avery (This would have been Shane’s name if he was a girl.  We’ve always liked it, but now it’s so popular)
Aubrey (Love the nickname Bree, but know that Aubrey is climbing the charts.  It also irks me that it can be spelled Aubree.)
Bree (Cheese association)
Finley (Love the sound, and Finn is a cute nickname, but it’s the trendiest on our list and likely to become dated.)
Natalie, Courtney, Mallory, Valerie (Like that they all end in -ee sound, and are no longer very common, but I dislike Nat, Court, and Mal, and Val)
Samantha (like nn Sam, but too popular)
Brooke (maybe too short/choppy)
Julia (pretty, just not sure it’s us)
Megan (husband’s ex-girlfriend)
Sabrina (We love this one, with nn Bree, but are afraid of the Teenage Witch association, especially because they’re making it a movie now)
Cameron (Somewhat ruined by the Kamryn/Camryn/Camden trend)
Darcy (don’t like the middle ‘s’ sound with our last name)

We asked my parents to select Shane’s middle name, and my mother-in-law to select our daughter’s middle name.  She will give us a few options so that we can pick one that flows with the first name we choose.  So for now, we’re just looking for a first name.

Are we neglecting to think of names that are in the same genre as Shane and work with High-sler? 

Thank you ever so much! 

I am so intrigued by the idea of having a family member, especially a grandparent, choose the middle name. (I admit it: I am mostly thinking of how thrilled I’d be to get to choose for someone else!)

Right away I was drawn to Caroline. I say it with your surname and it seems like magic: Caroline Highsler!

But then I saw Brooke. Shane and Caroline is good; Shane and Brooke is wonderful. I don’t think it’s too short/choppy at all.

I want to push you to use Sabrina, because I love it and I think the name has enough other associations to get beyond the Teenage Witch one. But I find that when I say “Shane and Sabrina,” I start swapping sounds and getting Sane and Shabrina.

Because you like Darcy but not the S sound, and you also like Aubrey/Bree/Colby, I suggest Darby. Darby Highsler; Shane and Darby.

That -by ending makes me think of Ruby. Ruby Highsler; Shane and Ruby.

Instead of Megan, perhaps Reagan or Regan. I had a brief fantasy of inventing a name such as Breegan, but…no. (Not just because we’re looking for easy/recognizable names, but also because of The Baby Name Wizard’s post about the current trendiness of Bree names.)

Avery and Finley and Mallory and Valerie make me think of Everly and Ellery and Flannery.

Would Juliet/Juliette be more your style than Julia?

This one just came to mind: Meredith. It’s a little like Caroline and Mallory. Meredith Highsler; Shane and Meredith. I really like that one. Nickname Merrie is adorable.

Or Miranda. Miranda Highsler; Shane and Miranda. I’m ready to hear more of that name again.

Another one that just came to mind: Jillian. Jillian Highsler; Shane and Jillian.

Name update! Rachel writes:

I can’t thank you enough for helping to name our daughter!  You zeroed in on a name that had been buried low on our list, but immediately catapulted to the top once you and many of your wonderful readers pointed out that it was just what we wanted.  So, Brooke Elizabeth “Highsler” was born on January 23.  As you may recall, we asked my mother-in-law to select the middle name.  We love Brooke’s name and think it fits just right with our family. 

Elizabeth writes:

We need your help. I am due (not until the end of December, but I’m a planner) with our second child, who will be a sibling to our son Beck. We struggled terribly to find a boy’s name we could agree on when pregnant with Beck, and now I’m having trouble finding a name that sounds like an appropriate sibling to Beck. (We still have the girls’ names we picked out during the last pregnancy, so our real dilemma is if this is another boy.) Here’s the situation: we generally likely fairly traditional names and nothing too weird or “out there.”  I know that might not perfectly describe the name Beck, as it is fairly unusual, but we also love names that have meaning (to us), and Beck is my mother’s maiden name. Beck’s middle name is my last name (Martin) and his last name is my husband’s last name, Coakley. We will likely use Martin again as the middle, and Coakley will be the last name.  Contenders include Elliott (also vaguely a family connection, as I had a grandmother Eleanor and my husband had a grandmother Ellen), but I worry that it’s three syllables (as opposed to Beck’s one syllable name) and it doesn’t really have a nickname (I abhore Eli).  I know I said we’d use Martin as the middle name, but with Elliott I kind of like the middle name August (my husband’s middle name is Augustin. He is the second son of a second son of a second son, all of whom had Augustin somewhere in their names. If this is a second son, I kind of think we should go with the tradition, although I vastly prefer August to Augustin, and my husband is okay with that). So Elliott August. One strong possibility, but I’m not sure it’s “the one”.  Is Elliott a sibling to Beck? I’ve considered Noah, but my husband feels it’s not right. I kind of like Nicholas (baby is due near Christmas), but I wonder if Nick and Beck are too similar? I always wanted a Jack, but I feel Jack and Beck are DEFINITELY too similar.  I love the name Luke and it would be an honor name, but when you say “Luke Coakley” quickly is sounds like you’re say “Lou Coakley” and I don’t like Lou. Maybe Lucas?  I like a number of names that end in the “ie” sound like Charlie and Henry, but I don’t think that works with Coakley–too sing songy.  I’m sure I’m missing some great names. Help! What would you name Beck’s brother? 

and

And update for you. We found out that we ARE having another boy, so the pressure is really on to find a name. The names in my original email are still contenders, but I also wonder about Bennett. It would be an honor name (my husband’s best friend who passed away was Benjamin—we prefer Bennett), but I wonder if Beck and Ben are too similar? Also, do they sound like brothers? I’m not sure they fit. Another thought is to move August to the first name space and have August Martin Coakley, nickname Gus. I think Beck and Gus are a cute sibling pair, but I’m not sure about Gus as an adult man’s name. Is it too geeky? Are there other names we should be considering? Why is this so hard?? Thanks for your help.

I think if I knew brothers named Beck and Bennett, I might keep accidentally calling Beck “Beckett.” The names seem too similar to me, though an excellent style match.

I think Gus is great with Beck and will work fine as a name for an adult—and if it didn’t, he’d just go back to using August.

Because your firstborn has an honor name, I think you have some flexibility: it’s common for a firstborn’s name not to quite match the style of the sibling names, because of all the people who had to use James IV when their style was more Caden, or all the people who changed naming styles, or who used a name that didn’t fit with their usual style and then couldn’t find any names to go with it. If anyone were to blink at, say, Beck and Elliot (and I don’t think they WOULD blink—sounds like a literary style match to me), they’d stop it as soon as they realized the name Beck was a family name. If Elliott seems too much longer than Beck, using the Eliot spelling would help some with that, as well as increasing the literary appeal.

Emmett is similar to Elliott, but with only two syllables instead of three.

Lucas is nice too. The strong K/hard-C sound helps connect it to Beck.

If you like Noah, and you like Nicholas for the Christmas-name connection, I wonder if Noel would work? Noel Coakley; Beck and Noel.

If you’d like to stick with the one-syllable idea, I like Reid and Grant. Or Dean or Dane? Or Grey? Or Finn or Gage or Nash or Hayes. There are a lot of good ones in the Brisk and Breezy section of The Baby Name Wizard.

Or Levi would be nice. Levi Coakley; Beck and Levi.

Or Miles. Miles Coakley; Beck and Miles.

Or Ezra. Ezra Coakley; Beck and Ezra. I like the coordinating short-E sound tying them together.

Or Leo is nice and short, without making you feel like you’re painted into a one-syllable corner for future children. Leo Coakley; Beck and Leo.

Ian, too. Ian Coakley; Beck and Ian.

Or back to one-syllable: Heath. Heath Coakley; Beck and Heath.

Name update! Elizabeth writes:

Just wanted to thank you (and your readers) for all the naming assistance and let you know that August Martin Coakley was born December 23, weighing 8 lbs and measuring 20.75 inches. We are having a wonderful time with baby Gus!

We vacillated between the names Elliot and August for a long time. About a month before Gus was born, however, a good friend had a baby boy and named him Elliot. That in itself wasn’t a deal breaker; she lives far away and isn’t part of our daily lives, but it made me realize that Elliot was a very specific person, and he wasn’t my baby! From then on I started thinking of the baby as Gus, and my husband did too. One of your commentators noted that she felt our “style” was really honor names, and I think she was right. By giving our son the name August Martin, we were able to honor both sides of the family. It was the perfect name for us!

M. writes:

My son is due September 16th and is currently nameless. My husband (Josh) and I (Melissa) already have a little girl named Louisa Claire, and will hopefully have another baby in a couple of years time. Our surname is $amuel, which you would think would be easy to work with. For us, it has not been so easy. Even Louisa’s name doesn’t sound quite right with it.

Our favorite name is Max, but Max $amuel sounds like Mac $amuel or Max Amuel when said out loud. Do you think that is a definite deal-breaker? His middle name will most likely be Hudson, so it would be Max Hudson $amuel. Of course we could name him something like Maximilian, but as we don’t like that at all he would go by Max 100% of the time, therefore he would still be Max $amuel.

I have been looking at names on your blog and a name you suggested recently has really stuck in my head and I have found myself absolutely loving it! The name is Caius. Of course it doesn’t work with our surname either. Caius $amuel = Caia $amuel :-(

Other names I really like that my husband does not like include Oliver, Everett and Evander. Clearly I like ‘v’ sounds!

My husband like’s the names Jacob, Aidan and Lucas. I don’t particularly like Jacob, I like Aidan but not enough to consider it (plus a friend of mine has a Jayden and another friend has a Kaiden), and obviously we cannot have a LOUisa and a LUcas AND it doesn’t work with our surname (although I do like it).

At the moment we are also considering the name Declan, which I do really like. However I don’t believe my husband likes it as much as he claims…I think he is sick of talking about baby names so is just agreeing to whatever I say (LOL).

Any suggestions would be very appreciated! Popularity does not concern us too much, but I would prefer to use a name that is not so common.

My general feeling about run-together names is that it depends on how embarrassing/confusing the run-together is, and on how much you love the name. I definitely think it can work if the former is low and the latter is high.

I think Max $amuel is workable if you love it. Neither Mac $amuel nor Max Amuel is an embarrassing mistake, and I think you and he would get accustomed to pausing between the first and last name to make it clear: “Max…$amuel.” Or, for example, you’d say, “Hi, this is Max. Max $amuel.”

Caia $amuel is a more embarrassing confusion. The name Kai would work better: Kai $amuel. But Kai does not seem as compatible with Louisa as some of the other options.

I like Declan from your list, too.

May I suggest one of my own recent favorites? George $amuel is handsome, and Louisa and George is almost irresistible to me.

Another of my own pet favorites: John $amuel; Louisa and John.

Everett and Oliver makes me think of Elliot and Emmett.

If you don’t mind repeating an initial, I wonder if Levi would work. In style it reminds me of a sort of combination of Max and Oliver and Jacob, and it has the V sound you like. Levi $amuel; Louisa and Levi.

I was curious to see what The Baby Name Wizard would recommend as brother names for Louisa; she lists Foster, Hugh, Jules, Emerson, and Anton. My favorites from that list are Foster and Hugh.

A name similar to Max is Jack, but with less of a run-together issue—it could be Jax $amuel, I suppose, but Jack is so much more common.

Name update! M. writes:

One of your lovely readers suggested the name Sullivan which I loved and also turns out to be a family name on my husband’s side. We ended up agreeing on it a couple of weeks before he was born, and decided to use Max as his middle name. I was a bit sad to think that I will never have my Max, but there is no guaranteeing we will ever have another boy. Plus I LOVE having my little Sully :-)

So Sullivan Max $amuel he is!

Kym writes:

Hubby and I are expecting our sixth child, a girl, sometime this October. We are calling her Marigold – a name I’ve loved since the sixth grade and a name that hubby has grown to love, too. It has take me (not hubby) a good while to grow brave enough to use this name, because I’m sure there will be raised eyebrows and chatter behind our backs, but the name has finally solidified for me and to us, our daughter is already Marigold. There is no other name I love (except for the names we’ve already given our other daughters.) Now, my only concern is that I was told there is a new NBC show premiering in September in which there is a girl named….you guessed it….Marigold. I’ve confirmed this; it is true. I am a tad worried that there will be a huge influx of Marigolds being born in the next few years, not to mention how many will think we named our October daughter after the girl in the September show. It’s rather bumming me and I need some input. Will this very uncommon name become a huge hit?

No.

…I suppose I shouldn’t be so definite. Violet, after all, has done quite a journey up the ranks recently. But I still say no for Marigold: I think it’s a charming name, it’s on my own list, and I think it’s more likely to stay unusual—if not QUITE as unusual as before.

I think there will be at least a little jump from the show, because many people who have never even heard of the name Marigold will now suddenly have it brought to their attention—but I think there will be a lot of people who HAVE heard of it who will say “Oh, shoot; well, now that it’s in a show I don’t want to use it anymore.” I also think that if the show is a success, you will have to deal with the occasional or even frequent “Oh, like the show?” But you will say, “No, we chose the name before the show came out,” and that will be the end of it. And maybe the show will tank and it won’t even be an issue at all.

Keep in mind, of course, that many a person has made many a prediction that looks very, very silly later on. “Oh, computers will never take off!” “Television is just a fad!” “Madison? That’s the perfect ha-ha name for the crazy mermaid to choose, since no one would ever ACTUALLY use it!” There IS the risk that the time is absolutely ripe for a name like Marigold (books and TV shows often tap into incoming trends, rather than being the cause of them), and that the show will rocket it to the top. I’d put my money on a small spike that works in your favor by giving the name a pleasing normality/familiarity that keeps people from acting like you named your daughter Tulip or Hydrangea—but I could easily be absolutely wrong.

It sounds like it doesn’t really matter, though, if your daughter is already Marigold to both of you. It’s too bad about the show, but it doesn’t seem like you’d want to change her name on the off-chance that it will be a serious problem.

Let’s have a poll over to the right to collect others’ predictions. [Poll closed; see results below.]

Name update! Kym writes:

Well, here she is…our little flower, Marigold! Not one person has made any association with “that” TV series yet, and I’d say a good 98% of the people who hear her name absolutely LOVE it. So that makes for a happy momma (though I’d be happy regardless). Marigold was born in October and after choosing her name, we learned that the flower for the month of October is….the marigold! Fancy that. :)

Thanks all for your comments!

K. writes:

I am 4 weeks from having a beautiful baby boy in my arms and I don’t feel settled on any name. I still probably spend 5 hours a day thinking about it.

Our last name is Wylie, and we’re considering Robert, Cooper, or Zachary as middle names (all significant family names.)

My daughter is Violet Noelle Wylie. And my son is Scott Brian Wylie. I love how Violet and Scott sound together, though I know they’re stylistically different. Violet had long been my favorite girls name and Scott is my husband’s middle name. I’m so glad I took a bit of a risk on Scott. I’m sure some people think it stale and tired. But for the most part it gets good reaction and actually feels fresh on the under 5 crowd!

So my dilemma:

We’re leaning towards Oliver. But I just can’t stand how popular it is. It is particularly popular in my state even though I don’t know a single Oliver. The other problem is that Oliver sounds like Violet’s brother but not really like Scotty’s brother!

Other’s on the list:

Heath

Rhett

Reid

Penn

Simon

Sam (sooo popular!)

Peter

James (nn Jamie)

I feel like its slightly odd to use Simon, Peter, and James since they’re so biblical? Am I over thinking that? The other small problem with Rhett, Reid, Heath, and Penn is that they lack nickname potential. I used to love one syllable boy names (hence choosing Scott) but the name pretty much got hijacked and we call him Scotty 99% of the time. So now I fear the one syllables a bit! What should I choose? Of course, I’m open to other suggestions from you and your readers. This is our last baby and I so want to love his name as much as I love Violet’s!!

I think names like James, Peter, and Simon have all been fully mainstreamed by now: someone certainly COULD use them because of their biblical status, but they’re just standard names at this point—as are Matthew, Andrew, Joshua, David, Michael, Benjamin, Daniel, Ethan, Mark, Caleb, Luke, Jonathan, etc.; practically the whole classic/traditional/timeless list are names that also appear in the Bible. Even Noah, Ezra, Ezekiel, Moses, Abraham, and Isaac are mainstreamed at this point, due to a recent trend of Quirky Biblical names. Perhaps if I encountered a family with ALL biblical names, I might WONDER—but encountering just one name from the list, it wouldn’t even come to my mind. In a family with a Violet and a Scott, it certainly wouldn’t seem biblical.

Although I do like to avoid style clashes within a sibling group, I think there are many styles that are different yet perfectly fine together. Scott and Oliver is an example of this: they’re definitely not the same style, but they’re fine: at most they provoke a small, interested, surprised feeling—but no “What happened THERE?” feeling as there might be with, say, Maverick and Jason, or Sunshine and Jessica. Scotty and Ollie is pretty cute!

I think if you’ve found you nicknamed Scott to Scotty against your original plan, I would avoid Penn.

Simon and Sam have an initial working in their favor: when two names are of somewhat different styles, a matching starting initial can make them seem more similar. Scotty and Sammy, Scotty and Simon.

Rhett has a similar situation but with its ending: the three names become linked through their ending T-sounds. Violet, Scott, and Rhett. I can see how you might want OR not want that; I think if I encountered it in the wild, I’d find it appealing. I even like how both boys have double T’s.

Scott and Peter seem like a very good combination to me, and the T sound in Peter ties his name to his siblings.

I think my favorite from your list is James/Jamie: it gives you the same “one-syllable name, two-syllable nickname” pattern as with Scott. James Cooper Wylie; Violet, Scott, and James; Scotty and Jamie.

I suggest not trying to compare your feelings for a new name to your love of a name you loved for years and that has now fully become your daughter to you. The new name is almost always going to feel a little funny at first, while the established name can feel as if it’s been perfect from the beginning. Instead, the goal can be the easier one of just finding the name you like best of the possibilities: not “As much as I love Violet” but “The one I like best from this list.”

Since you’ve had the experience of finding that a name off its style peak can sound fresh on a small child, I suggest the name John. Like Scott, it’s one-syllable and not currently on-trend. Like Scott, it sounds fresh and surprising in a kindergarten class full of Cadens and Masons. (In fact, that’s how the name first caught my riveted attention: I saw it written in a child’s hand on a cute drawing up on the kindergarten wall.) John Robert Wylie; Violet, Scott, and John; Scotty and Johnny.

I’d also add Grant. It has the T-ending, and I think it goes well enough with both Violet and Scott. Though Scott is more familiar to me at this point as a first name, Scott and Grant are both surnames.

Name update! K. writes:

Our beautiful boy was born on September 14th via repeat c-section. It took me about 2 days to settle on his name, though my husband was certain from his birth. Now, I am so in love with his name, I really can’t believe it. I was so worried I couldn’t be satisfied this time around. We chose Simon Cooper Wylie as his name. It’s thanks to you and your readers! First, I was hesitant to have the name start with an ‘s’ but once I removed that restriction knew I had a winner. Secondly, when only a few people liked Simon the best off my list, I realized I was routing for it! That made it easy! Thanks so much!

Jen writes:

So, I am getting rather pregnant now and will be having this baby around September 26th.  (And that is a pretty solid date, as I am being induced for all sorts of medical reasons.)  Once upon a time, when I was first pregnant years and years ago, my husband and I struck a bargain.  If the baby was a girl, I got 51% of the naming decision and if it was a boy, he got 51%.  And then the next baby, the “loser” got 51% regardless of sex.  Well, the first named baby ended up being a girl, so I chose the name Elizabeth Rose.  (Our last name is Gabriel, by the way.  I am Jen and he is Matt.  And yes, we were both born in 1981, how did you guess?)  Elizabeth is my sister’s middle name and Rose was Matt’s grandmother’s first name.  So Elizabeth’s name is two honor names but (ahem, don’t tell my sister this), those are mainly just names we liked and then we were like “oh, isn’t that convenient!”

Anyway, this time it is Matt’s turn to put in 51% of the vote.  (The 51% can sound misleading, it’s just kind of that person’s job to come up with a name to which the 49% stakeholder says “oh, I love that name too!”)  This baby is a boy.  And we are stuck.  We could name a girl in about fifteen minutes but we have been working on this boy’s name since MARCH and aren’t really much further. (I’m high risk, so I’ve been ultrasounded about a million times and have known it is a boy since twelve weeks.  There is no doubt that it is a boy since this has been confirmed a good dozen times.)

Matt’s first choice for a name is John.  And I love the name John.  (Also, it is Matt’s middle name, which I think makes it extra great.)  Except for one thing…the way it sounds when it is said out loud.  Which is a pretty big thing for a name.  It just sounds too short to me.  And I’ve felt this way for a long time, as we have an acquaintance with a baby named John and every time she calls him, my brain says “and where is the rest of your name, kid?” So my feelings on this aren’t likely to change.  Matt does not like Jonathan as a second option, mainly based on spelling.  And his feelings haven’t changed since I first suggested that months ago.

Probably my front runner name right now is Andrew John.  Neither of us like the nickname Andy (AT ALL), but one thing I have learned with having an Elizabeth is that we have pretty good control over nicknames, at least so far.  She’s never called Beth or Liz or anything like that, mainly because Matt and I don’t use any of those.  My dad had a short spell of calling her Lizzie, but since no one else used it or really encouraged it, Elizabeth it is.  (She’s actually called Dibits a lot of the time because that is how she first pronounced Elizabeth herself as she was learning to talk and it stuck.)  So if we went with Andrew, he would be called Andrew or Drew.  Matt actually likes Drew quite a lot.  But he’s not totally sold on Andrew and also feels like he wants to hold John in reserve in case we have another boy at any point.

Other names we have considered, in no particular order:

Kevin (we actually named our marriage project babies Kevin and Nicole, back in high school economics class.  Matt and Jen: Naming Pretend Babies since 1998 and Can’t Do It For Real)

Steven (we like it but we both hate the nickname Steve and there’s not a lot you can do about that one)

Joseph (again, hate the nickname Joe or Joey)

Henry

Ryan

Charles

Peter

Walter

Tyler

We also love the name Michael and would probably use that without even thinking about it…but that is Matt’s youngest brother’s name and we already have a Michael.  I’m totally anti juniors and I would never use a repeat name of a close family member.  I would use a middle name (obviously, as we did) or a distant relative that we never see, but we see Mike quite a lot. (Also, Robert, but we have a very close friend Rob that lives near us that Matt sees on a daily basis.  So no.)

Now, for my second naming dilemma.  Last year, we had a late term loss of a little boy we named Luke.  We discovered that he was dead before we discovered that he was a boy (I wasn’t high risk yet, so no ultrasounds every week), so we literally named him in a few minutes, in tears, after he was delivered.  I’ve felt bad ever since that he never got a middle name.  I would like to give him one now, but it would be just for us. We wouldn’t be going back and changing his official name on anything.  I don’t really have any ideas for his middle name (and it hurts to think about it too hard). I’d like something that sounds good with Luke and maybe has some kind of meaning.  So if you have any good ideas here, I would be grateful.

Now, go forth and name my baby!

I am gnashing my teeth, GNASHING THEM, over the John situation. John is one of my top favorite boy names, and you are SO CLOSE to using it, and “Elizabeth and John” is wonderful, and so I WANT to tell you that you DO NOT feel the way you do about the spoken-aloud version—but you have seen it happen on an in-person John, and so I agree with you (reluctantly, SULLENLY, agree with you) that it sounds like that’s not going to work out. (Gnash gnash.) (Would it help if you could call him Jonty as a nickname? Or is that the same spelling issue as Jonathan?) (And you could call him Baby John until John didn’t seem so short anymore!) (GNASH.)

Another John option is to give him a double name—either by actually giving him two first names or by calling him by first and middle. It gives you John, while also giving you a longer name to say.

May I suggest the pseudonym I’ve grown very fond of with the name Elizabeth? I call my twins Elizabeth and Edward as their blog names, and my mom and I have over the years found that now we almost wish I HAD named them Elizabeth and Edward: we find the names so appealing together and separately. Edward Gabriel.

If Edward is close-but-not-quite, I love the name Edmund.

Instead of Kevin or Steven, perhaps Evan or Ian.

I love Henry from your list. We almost used it for our youngest boy, but then another name took the lead so I contented myself by using it as his blog name. Henry Gabriel. Maybe Henry Michael or Henry Robert or Henry Tyler? Or, the middle name position is the perfect place for a love-the-name-but-hate-the-nickname name: a Henry Joseph or a Henry Steven completely avoids Joe/Steve.

Now. Brace yourself, because I want to push you to use a name on my “Why Won’t People OBEY Me?” list (also on that list: John, Karl, Louise). It’s a bit of a hard-sell name, but it goes beautifully with the names on your list. It’s George. GEORGE. Let it sink in. Think of George Clooney, perhaps.

George Gabriel. It’s one syllable like John, but it takes longer to say. Possible downside: would it bother you that the initial sounds were two different pronunciations of the letter G? Another possible downside: a little tricky to find a middle name. George Michael is out. George John is choppy. George Robert, George Steven, George Joseph—nothing clicks into place, quite. I looked up George Clooney’s middle name, and it’s Timothy; that does work well! Maybe something else with more than two syllables: George Nathaniel, George Everett, George Oliver, George Zachary—yes, I think the key might be to go for more syllables.

I like Everett and Oliver as first name options, too. Everett Gabriel, Oliver Gabriel.

James is another “one-syllable but may feel longer” option. James Tyler Gabriel, James Henry Gabriel, James Michael Gabriel.

I think a Benjamin would make an adorable little brother for an Elizabeth. Benjamin Gabriel; Elizabeth and Benjamin. Nickname issues to consider, though.

Or Nicholas. Again with nickname issues.

Or Owen would be sweet, and no natural nicknames.

For Luke, I suggest the middle name Matthew, after his father. Luke Matthew Gabriel.

Or if your maiden name would work, then he would have his own name, then a name from his mother, then a name from his father.

Or I might use the opportunity to honor an important male family member. It might be too painful for a living family member to be honored in this way (my first suggestion may be too painful for your husband), but perhaps a grandfather or great-grandfather or great-uncle.

For a meaning name, some baby name books say Geoffrey/Jeffrey means “peace” or “God’s peace.” The Oxford Dictionary of First Names says the name Noah means “rest” or “to comfort”; the name Solomon means “peace”; and the name Wilfred means “a hope for peace.”

Name update!  Jen writes:

Greetings, Swistle and Baby Namers!

Our baby was born on September 26, with me arriving at the hospital in strong labor ten minutes before my scheduled check-in time for my induction.  So the induction became a moot point and Ryan Matthew was born safely and alive, two hours later, at exactly 6:00pm!

Thank you for all your naming advice.  A few weeks before he was born, I demanded three finalist names from my husband.  Then we both said “Ryan? Hmm. Yes. Ryan.”  And after lots of jokes about giving him the middle name Brian, we chose Matthew since Matt likes namesakes and would like to have one, if it weren’t a deal breaker for me.  One of item of note- many of them names suggested both by you and by the commenters were names we either considered and dropped (close friends or similar reasons) or names of close family members.  (Both Matt’s brothers’ first and middle names were suggested.) So obviously you are very good at matching our naming style!

Here is Ryan’s birth announcement!

Melody writes:

I’ve been reading your blog for a while now, anxiously awaiting the time when I would actually need your help! I’m exited to say that I’m expecting my first child, so the time has finally come! my name is Melody and my husband is Brendon. Our last name is Farris with an H. We are expecting a son in 3 1/2 weeks and are almost set on a name. Luckily, my husband and I have very similar naming styles and a couple of names that we love and sound perfect with our surname. So what is the problem you may ask? Well, most 5 of our top choices are extremely common and well established girls names. While most of them had strong roots as boys names years ago, they are now considered as completely “girly”. While these are the names that we absolutely love, we don’t want our son to grow up being constantly teased. We could really use some advice on what you, as a mother and an expert, think is usable!

The name that we had picked out for a girl was Amelia Bianca called Mila or Bianca Mila called Bebe.

Here are the 5 names in order from least to most favorite:

Our least favorite right now is Shay. It doesn’t really fit with our usual style but I love the sound! However, we are constantly tortured by the fact that our neighbor has a little girl Shea… and I hear this as a girls name quit often around where we live.

After Shay, we really like Morgan. This seems so boyish to me I can’t even picture it on a girl. However we have gotten many comments that it is “unusable” for a boy, and he’ll be tormented and teased… While I do kind of agree it breaks my heart because I love the name so much!

Also love the name Robin. This also seems so masculine because of Robin Hood of course, Robin Williams, and singer Robin Thicke… We were thinking of naming him Robert and calling him Robin, but I just don’t love Robert like I love Robin. My husband suggested Robinson, but my best friend just told me that that is what she is going to be naming her son! Now I feel like that rules out Robin for me too so maybe this isn’t an issue anymore…

But our most favorite right now is Kay. Me and my husband both love it and already see it as our sons name… yet its probably the most girly name of the bunch! When I hear it, I think of Sir Kay (from the King Arthur stories, he was his brother), and it was originally an english boys name. However, it is now probably most known as a nickname for the girls name Katherine.

I’ve come to realize that I can’t name my son Kay without worrying about him getting teased later, so we decided to just use it (if we do end up using it) as a nickname. We really love the name Zachary, which is obviously a strongly established boys name, and were thinking of naming him Zachary Hugo (middle name will be Hugh or Hugo no matter what), and calling him Kay, even though they are 2 completely different names.

Along with that, some other options we thought of were, Mackay/McKay called Kay, Cassius/Caspian called Cay, Clayton called Cay (we really like this one). (Sidenote: we like the spelling Kay better, but feel that Cay is more masculine.)

What do you and your readers think?

On a different note, I was watching the old Bravo tv show 9 By Design the other day, and learned that one of the boys on the show is named Holleder. I forget who he was named after, but I’ve really started to love the name! Hollister is an old family name on my side, so we could just say that Holleder was a family name to anyone who asked. But then again, I wouldn’t want it to seem like I named my son after those people!

I just feel like whichever way we go we are setting our son up for years of nasty remarks! Should we just name him Zachary Hugo and call him Zach?

Ahhh I’m literally tearing my hair out! Swistle, we need your help! What do you think about Kay? Holleder? Morgan? Are they too girly? Please let me know!

Thanks so much!! We appreciate your help.

My own opinion is that Kay is too feminine for a boy. However, I think the initial K. is not too feminine, and I’ve noticed initial-nicknames seem to be coming into style: several people recently have mentioned using, for example, E. as a nickname for Elliot, or J. as a nickname for James. I think you could name him any name starting with a K (Keane, Keaton, Keegan, Kent, Kian, Kieran, Kyle, Kyler…), and then use K. as his nickname. There may be a couple of auditory double-takes, but probably not a huge deal.

Or would you like the name Kai? The pronunciation is a little different, but it’s solidly a boy name. It can be a stand-alone name, or it can be short for Caius.

Or I wonder if you’d like the nickname Kip. I think it’s adorable, and that its appeal is similar to Kay’s. It’s used as a nickname for Christopher.

McKay seems like it might be a very good solution, but I worry that it’s too similar to Makayla. It’s common to have very similar boy/girl versions of a name (Kyle and Kylie, for example), but the name McKay is very uncommon and the name Makayla is very common, so I worry more about confusion.

I know one boy named Shea. It does seem like a very soft and gentle name, but it strikes me as unisex rather than girl. According to the Social Security Administration, in 2011 there were 232 new baby boys and 298 new baby girls named Shea/Shay/Shaye. One option would be use Shane; you could even still call him Shay.

Because you like both Shay and Kay, I suggest Jay. According to the Social Security Administration, the name Jay was given to 700 boys and 0-4 girls in 2011. My mom and I both love the name; she’s said that if she had another baby boy to name, she’d like to call him Jay.

I’d also like to suggest Hayes, and I think the HHH initials would be fun, but I’m not sure it works with the surname.

Wade would work well.

The “ay” sound is also prominent in a number of currently popular boy names: Aiden, Brayden, Cayden, Hayden, Jaden, Leyton, Mason, Peyton, Rayden, Zayden, etc.

I haven’t encountered the name Holleder before, and had to look up how to pronounce it. I didn’t find a clear answer, but one site said something that made me think it might be pronounced like Hollander but without the N sound: Hah-leh-der. Or is it like Holder? In fact, Holder might be a good one to add to the list of options. It seems dicey to say Holleder is a family name if it isn’t, and the spelling/pronunciation issues seem significant. It’s too bad Hollister doesn’t really work with the surname; I love family surnames as first names.

Morgan does seem to have crossed to girl, though not entirely: the Social Security Administration reports 469 boys and 3640 girls named Morgan born in 2011. Notice that although there are many more girl Morgans than boy Morgans, there still are quite a few boy Morgans. Other options: Keegan, Logan, Finnegan, Morrison, Rohan, Riordan, Malcolm.

If you decide Robin isn’t out for you (is your best friend expecting a baby boy right now, or is she just talking about some possible boy in the future?), it could also be short for Robertson—though I like it best in its traditional role as a nickname for Robert. I think it’s okay if you don’t like the name Robert as much as the name Robin; it’s common to accept a name to get a nickname or to accept a nickname to get a name, and rarer to love both name and nickname equally. The Social Security Administration shows 301 baby girls and 99 baby boys named Robin/Robyn in 2011, and I think any “girl name” protest could be put down pretty quickly with that list of famous male Robins.

Update—Melody writes:

Hi Swistle! Thanks to you and your readers for all your help and suggestions! You’ve helped so much.
I just wanted your opinion on one more thing. We recently heard of the name Cayman/Caymen, and think it is really cute (and masculine:)! We would of course call him Cay. However, my husband feels like we’d be “making up” the name… I’ve never really met another Cayman, so I’m not sure if he’s right or not… However, this has become a frontrunner for us, so I wanted to know what you and your readers thought of it.
Again, thanks for all the help!

Name update! Melody writes:

Hi Swistle!
I feel horrible that I haven’t updated you sooner, our little boy is 9 months old now(!), but things have been so hectic lately. But I thought, hey better late than never:) I wrote you all the way back in August, scared that the names we loved for our son we all too feminine, and your response really helped us pick a wonderful name.
Kaleb Hugo (H)arris was born at the end of August and we have been calling him Kay ever since (with no resistance whatsoever I might add). We had narrowed it down to
Kaleb “Kay” Hugo
Christopher “Kay” Hugh
Christopher “Kit” Hugh
and loved Kaleb the best.
(we also loved Robin, but my best friend, who was pregnant at the time and has had twins since, ended up naming one of her boys Robinson, and it fits him perfectly:)

So… thank you so so much, your help is greatly appreciated!!

(On a side note, I recently found out that I am pregnant again (hooray!), so we might be emailing you again soon!)

Stephanie writes:

I need your help….again!  You and your readers gave me the push I needed to name our last baby, and you addressed a naming quandary I was worried about early in a previous pregnancy [naming a second son after someone when the first son already had a name honoring the same relative].  Sadly, that pregnancy ended in a loss.  Ecstatically, we are finally expecting our third child, due December 15, but expected to be early.  We just found out that this baby is a girl, so that eliminates the previous honor name quandary, but introduces a different one!

We have a son Thomas (family surname) M. and a daughter, Audrey Kathryn M.  Both middle names are our middle names, with my son’s middle name going back several generations as a middle name. Our naming style is traditional (that less common spelling of Katherine is my mother’s fault :) ), and we have a short list of candidates from before. We are not in love with them, but DH hates most female names. I can live with this though.  The issue now, is the middle name.  I desperately want (need) to honor my grandmother here.  The reasons are highly emotionally tied to her death shortly after my daughter’s birth and the two losses we suffered last year.  So, what’s the issue?  Her name was, well, not our style.  D0nna Je@n Lew1s.

Can your readers brainstorm for me?  A great classic first name and a middle name honoring my grandmother?  Candidate first names are:  Anne or Anna, Mary or Marie or some other variant.  I like Elizabeth and Margaret, but DH does not.  My favorite idea for a middle name is Lew1s or Anna Je@n but DH isn’t sold.  Naming our son was so easy! Girls are just hard for us.  Flow with the last name isn’t a big issue.

Here is what it is going to come down to: on one side of the scale is your desperate need to honor your grandmother by using her name, and on the other side of the scale is the fact that her name is not the style you’d normally choose. Which seems like a more important side of the scale? It would be completely reasonable for you to decide you’d rather choose a name you like better, and to find other ways to honor your grandmother.

It’s true the name Donna isn’t in style for today’s babies, but that’s also true of most of the names of adults we’d like to honor: each new generation kicks out of fashion most of the previous generation’s names. (Exceptions to this may find themselves with an unexpectedly high number of namesakes.) I think it’s even part of the reason namesakes are considered such an honor: it means something to sacrifice fashion for significance. If you were intent on using the name as a first name, I might reluctantly agree that it was not going to work—but in the middle name position, style seems like a very minor matter. Many of your baby’s peers will also have out-of-fashion middle names, and for similar reasons.

You could play around with names that aren’t your grandmother’s, trying to make those names honor her, but all of them will be a significant step down in honor. You could use the same initials, use a name with similar sounds or letters, use a name with a similar meaning, use one of her nicknames, combine names to make a different name, use an updated version of the name, use the name of one of your grandmother’s relatives, etc. For each possible solution, think to yourself, “Does this name bring my grandmother immediately to my mind? Would my grandmother recognize this as a tribute to her?” If yes, then they are good options.

If you called your grandmother “Grandma Lewis,” you might find that the name Lewis brings her to your mind more quickly even than her first name—though if you’re like me, it brings to mind the entire side of the family and not just one person. You could use her middle name; it’s done commonly enough. But for me, my grandparents’ middle names don’t bring my grandparents to my mind, whereas their first names do.

Each time I re-read your letter (as well as the additional part not for publication), what stands out to me is that you are not just doing this because you loved your grandmother and feel warmly about the idea of using her name, but because you NEED your daughter to have her name. So in your case, I don’t recommend any compromise names or fixes; I strongly urge you to go directly for the name Donna. I recommend saying it over and over in your mind until it does that thing where words/names turn into combinations of sounds, and see if that helps you hear the sound that caused so many parents to choose the name for their daughters to begin with. You could also see if you preferred it as a double middle name: Donna Jean, or Donna Lewis. This has the additional benefit of dramatically strengthening the connection to your grandmother.

In time, whether your daughter’s middle name is to your tastes or not will, I hope, pale in comparison to the comfort and satisfaction it will bring you to be able to say to her “You were named for my grandmother,” and tell her the stories you want to tell her. And the good news is that names tend to come around again: by the time your daughter is grown, she may be like one of the current lucky women who have suddenly found that their previously-disliked middle names of Emma or Abigail are now considered wonderful.

The other comforting thought is that middle names are rarely used or thought of after the birth announcements go out. When you do think of her middle name, it will almost always be because of your grandmother—so, with feelings of love and happiness. All the rest of the time, you will be thinking of her first name, which can be something more in your style.

Anna Donna has some appeal to me, as do Maria Donna and Mary Donna, or maybe Marianne Donna or Annemarie Donna. People tend to be split on whether they like two names in a row with -a endings; I tend to be in favor. And because the honor name is so important here, I would only barely consider flow anyway.

I wish I could suggest one of my own favorite names, Eliza, but the movie My Fair Lady has forever connected Audrey Hepburn and Eliza Doolittle in my mind. Maybe Eloise would work? Eloise Donna.

I was also thinking Ella Donna sounded so beautiful to me—and then realized it was certainly because of Belladonna.

With siblings named Thomas and Audrey, I would lean heavily on the Timeless section of The Baby Name Wizard. Here are some of my favorites:

Abigail Donna
Caroline Donna
Cecily Donna
Charlotte Donna
Clara Donna
Cora Donna
Eleanor Donna
Elsa DonnaEmily Donna
Eva Donna
Eve Donna Jean
Grace Donna Jean
Greta Donna
Hope Donna Jean
Ivy Donna
Jane Donna Lewis
Josephine Donna
Julia Donna
Laura Donna
Leah Donna
Miriam Donna
Naomi Donna
Nora Donna
Rose Donna Jean
Sarah Donna

Name update! Stephanie writes:

I am certain neither of us expected this update to come so soon, but baby girl M had other plans.  She arrived two weeks ago at just 25 weeks, while we were on a vacation!  So far, Mary Lewis M. Is proving to be a tough little fighter with the feisty spunk of her namesake. We were caught off guard with having to name her before we had settled on a name.  It felt strange to use her name for at least the first week, but I’m used to it now, and we love the simplicity of her very traditional first name.  I will send a picture once she is bigger and stronger.  For now, know that we appreciated the input from you and your readers!