Hi Swistle!

My husband and I are expecting our first child this May and are not finding out the sex. I’ve always loved talking names: my husband, not so much. Before we were pregnant, he said it felt like putting the cart before the horse. (Fair enough, since we ended up dealing with 2.5 years of infertility before this pregnancy).

Now that we are pregnant, I thought we’d have conversations and find a name together. Or, more likely with our decision-making styles, I’d come up with my top 5 names and he’d pick from among them. What I wasn’t expecting is that he doesn’t really care.

Not in a “I don’t want to talk about this at all,” way, more of a “whatever you like, go for it!” way. His position is that the baby is getting his last name, that he knows how much names matter to me, and that he’d tell me if I chose a name he hated. This all sounds perfectly reasonable to me. We’ve always had a policy that if an issue matters more to one partner, they get more say. But at the same time, I feel guilty! A baby’s name feels like such a big decision — shouldn’t he love it too? Am I being selfish in getting my way?

So, Swistle, I mostly just need someone to reassure me that this situation is fair and that I’m not being crazy.

And, of course, since a name letter is no fun without actual names, we/mostly I have settled on Calvin David for a boy and Margaret Rose (Maggie) for a girl. The firstborn women in my family have been named some variant of Margaret for a few generations, and Rose is my middle name and a family name as well. David is my father’s name, and we just liked Calvin :-) The baby’s last name will start with a B and sounds very similar to a famous family of bears that live in a tree.

Thank you for any help and reassurance you may have!
Meg

One reason it has taken me so long to respond (the email arrived LAST NOVEMBER) is that I have empathy but not necessarily advice: I would feel pretty much exactly the same as you feel, and I don’t know how I would deal with it.

Definitely you’re not being selfish or crazy! Your husband appears to be in his right mind, and he is saying this is just not a big deal to him, and he lovingly notices it IS a big deal to you. He has also specifically reassured you that this doesn’t mean he’d let you accidentally use a name he disliked, so there’s a safety net in place. And I do think he is correct that the choice to use his family’s surname for the children is a BIG THING, and I appreciate that he appreciates this.

The situation reminds me a little of when our household needed a computer for the kids to do their homework. I care approximately zero about computers, and Paul is an actual expert on computers and cares very much, and also he KNOWS what the options are and what the implications are of those options, as well as which companies sell what items for what prices, and what needs to be name-brand and what doesn’t, and so on. So I felt completely content letting him make the entire decision, as long as we agreed on a few baseline items such as cost (the children do not need a top-of-the-line dream computer for doing homework) and size (the children do not need multiple computer monitors). I would not WANT to be involved in the discussions; I would not WANT to have to fake being interested in the struggle over rams and gigs or whatever. I would be WILLING to be a sounding-board if that’s what he needed, but I don’t have any other need to be involved.

It sounds very much as if this is what is going on with your husband and baby names. He is presumably WILLING to be a sounding-board if that’s what you need, but he feels content with your tastes and preferences and knowledge on the topic. I guess I DO have a little advice, which is to be careful not to accidentally activate his opinions by using him too often as a sounding-board. If someone talked to me A LOT about computers, I might start developing preferences after all.

Paul was not quite as explicitly hands-off during the baby-name process, but he never really enjoyed discussing names or thinking about them, and he didn’t care very much about the decision, and of course I cared very much indeed. So I will tell you how we handled it. The same day I got a positive pregnancy test, I got out my baby name books and started making lists. I thought about it A LOT, but didn’t talk about it much. I might say “Hey, what do you think of the name Daniel?” or whatever, but I didn’t sit him down for an hour of talk about initials and nicknames, or the pros and cons of Milo vs. Miles. I kept all that within my heart for the time being.

At some point, I handed him a list of maybe a dozen names, and had him star any he particularly liked and cross out any he outright rejected; we first had a little talk about not being over-quick to veto, and about how a veto at this stage was not a VETO-veto (unless he specifically said it was) but more of an indication of which names would be more work to sell. When I had a name I felt pretty excited about, I would prepare him ahead of time to hear it, by SAYING it was a name I felt excited about and so I didn’t want him to react right away, and instead I wanted him to let the name settle in for awhile.

But at one point we got down to two names for one baby, and I preferred one of the two names and Paul preferred the other, and even though Paul said he really liked both names and his preference was only mild and he would be completely happy with either name, and even though my preference was strong and he said it was absolutely fine to go with my preferred name, I still had some trouble doing it! I guess I wanted us to agree, and also for us both to feel equally strongly about it—but that was not one of the available options. And now, years and years later, I don’t think much about it except to feel satisfaction that we went with my choice, which I still feel was objectively better as well as subjectively better.

And you’ve chosen wonderful names: your husband is right to put this decision in your hands. I know what it feels like to want the other parent to feel AS STRONGLY that the names are SO WONDERFUL, and I think he WILL with time—or he might just NEVER really care about it, and that too is FINE. YOU will enjoy the names, and in time I think it will bother you less that he wasn’t as actively involved in choosing them or in rejoicing over them.

If you need any further bolstering, I will attempt to spook you with a glimpse of another timeline, where you are set on these wonderful names, and your husband (scary sting music) DOESN’T LIKE THE NAMES AT ALL. And is insisting on his own favorite names, which are names you (scary sting music) DON’T LIKE AT ALL! And the two of you are locked in this battle, where it looks like neither of you will be happy, and you will have to choose names you feel only mildly positive about, because (one more scary sting music) THOSE ARE THE ONLY ONES YOU CAN AGREE ON!!

Name update:

Hi Swistle,

Thank you ask much for answering my question a few months ago! I needed that validation that (a) I wasn’t being selfish and (b) others had been in similar situations that worked out well.

And now, the fun part of the update – we welcomed our sweet boy Calvin David! As soon as Cal was born, it was like the name became real to my husband. He started looking up famous Calvins and officially christened the nursery “the Cal Zone” 😆.

Thank you again!
Meg

Dear Swistle,

We are expecting our second son due at the end of May. Our oldest is named: Everett Jude. We have narrowed our younger son’s first name down to Abel or Levi. For his middle we would like a nature inspired name. Middles we are considering but haven’t settled on: Griffin, Forest, and Rhodes. We would love your expert opinion on middle name ideas for Abel and Levi. We have a common surname that rhymes with Paw and has an Sh at the beginning.

I promise to send an update.

Thank you for your expertise!

Kelly

This question caught my eye because we just did a post with a lot of nature-name suggestions; those comments could be useful here as well.

I had to look up the nature inspirations for Griffin and Rhodes. Rhodes can be said to mean “rose” or “where roses grow.” I was not successful in finding a nature meaning for Griffin: I found things about prince/lord, and also of course the mythical beast.

For Abel:

Abel Brooks
Abel Clover
Abel Cove
Abel Falcon
Abel Flint
Abel Florian
Abel Fox
Abel Garnet
Abel Hart
Abel Hawthorne
Abel Heath
Abel Raven
Abel Reed
Abel River
Abel Robin
Abel Rowan
Abel Sylvan
Abel Valley
Abel Wren

For Levi:

Levi Alder
Levi Bracken
Levi Books
Levi Cove
Levi Flint
Levi Florian
Levi Garnet
Levi Hart
Levi Hawthorne
Levi Heath
Levi Jasper
Levi Laken
Levi Lark
Levi Linden
Levi Oliver
Levi Parker
Levi Ranger
Levi Raven
Levi Reed
Levi River
Levi Robin
Levi Rowan
Levi Sylvan

Name update:

Hi Swistle, Arthur Abel arrived a few weeks early on May 7. We decided to place Abel in the middle after reading many of the helpful comments. Arthur means, “strong as a bear” or “bear” and pairs well with big brother’s name, Everett. Thank you for all of your suggestions.

Kelly

Dear Swistle,

My husband and I are excited to be expecting our first baby in April and the sex of the baby will be a surprise! We have a shortlist of good girl names but are stumped on a boy name.

For girls, we like classic names that are now top 100 but not too popular, including Eliza, Josephine, and Audrey. Josephine and Eliza are also middle names on my side of the family, so I like the subtle honoring there.

My husband is named after his paternal grandfather and suggested we could name a boy after one or both of his grandfathers. His dad is named John and mine is named Wesley. These are both nice names that would fit with our girls’ name choices, as we do plan to have more children. Both sets of parents live nearby and will be involved in childcare. The baby will have my husband’s surname (sounds like Shultee). My surname will likely be a second middle name.

My questions/concerns:

1) Does giving a child an honor name that is directly used by living close relatives get confusing? I know men have managed this for years by going by Jr. or some nickname, but I still feel hesitant. This is a bigger issue with John (grandfather plus two great-uncles plus my parents having a dog named Jack) than it is with Wesley. It’s also a much greater honor than any of the women in our families would get with this baby if she were a girl (unfortunately, our mothers have names that would sound a little strange on a baby born today).

2) If we abandon using John or Wesley as first names, what else should we consider?

Others that have made our shortlist (though none feel 100% right) are:

Brody (Too 2010s? Would this clash with names for future kids?)

Ezra

Micah (Although we are religious, we worry this might sound a little overtly biblical- this applies to Ezra to some extent)

Thomas (and some other classic boy names that are like it- but I know so many people with this name that it doesn’t feel very fresh to me)

Stylistically, names like Oliver or Theodore would fit well if they weren’t so terribly trendy, particularly where we live.

Thank you for your votes and suggestions!

Allie

Oh! I can give one data point from my own personal experience! One of my children has the same first name as my dad and, when my kids were younger, my parents lived nearby and we saw them often and they babysat the kids and so forth. And what we realized was that only one person was affected by the duplicate name, because only my mom calls both my dad and my son by their first names—and even she only used my dad’s first name when talking with her peers. So for example, if we were in a family gathering, there was no issue: we all called my dad Grandpa or Dad, and we called the child by his first name. In that context, even my mom would refer to her husband as Grandpa or Dad when talking about him or to him, depending on who she was talking about/to him in front of. And if my parents were babysitting the kids, everyone called my son by his first name and referred to my dad as Grandpa, including my mom. But if my mom were talking with one of her friends, then she would have to say “[Name]…oh, I mean HUSBAND-Name…” or “[Name]…oh, I mean GRANDSON-Name…”—but that wasn’t a big deal either, because it was usually clear already from context: i.e., either they were discussing their husbands/marriages or they were discussing their grandchildren.

It can get more confusing in a situation where more people in the family have the name: for example, if the child has a grandfather AND an uncle with the name, which later happened in our family. But we all just refer to the uncle as Uncle [Name] when there’s any doubt—even those of us whose uncle he is not. It’s no big deal. And in your case it sounds like it’s GREAT-uncles, and it seems like their names would come up even less often.

The dog named Jack seems…less relevant. If the dog is a puppy, and so likely has many more happy years with us, it’s possible I might take it into account—but I doubt it. Especially because I want to encourage you to call the child John, not Jack, and I’m hoping the dog’s name will help me with that. I think you are likely to find that the name John has an unexpected/overlooked freshness on a baby.

But if you would like to lean on those issues as reasons not to use John, you have my full support because: I think you should use YOUR dad’s name. The baby will already have the surname of your husband’s family and, if the baby is named for his grandfather because his father was, then he is also following a naming pattern from your husband’s family. Let it at least be a name from your side of the family. The only thing I don’t love is the repeated -ey/-ee sound of the ending with the surname, but it doesn’t feel like a dealbreaker to me. (This is the kind of thing where I soothe my mind by leafing through a yearbook and seeing HOW VERY MANY people have names with repeated endings: it’s the sort of thing that stands out a lot more during the Naming Phase than it does later in life.)

If you decide to abandon the grandfather-name idea (and it would bother me too that there is no similar honor that would work for any of the names of the women in the family) (and DID bother me too when I went ahead and did it anyway for one of my own kids), then I would like to start by crossing Brody right off your list. I think it’s an outlier name for you. If you find it’s your favorite and you are pining to use it, I suggest making little imaginary sibling groups to make sure you can find combinations you like with it.

Ezra and Micah do tip a little more biblical than what you’ve got going on with your girl-name list, but I think they work fine and are not startling. I agree that Oliver and Theodore are better coordinated, but I see your point about the popularity—and it’s pretty common for parents to have a different naming style for boy names than for girl names. More possibilities to consider:

Calvin
Charles
Edmund
Elliot
Emmett
Everett
Franklin
Frederick
George
Grant
Ian
Jasper
Joseph
Julian
Leo
Louis
Miles
Reid
Simon
Warren

You are probably already thinking of this, but my FAILURE to think thoroughly about it when naming my firstborn has caused me to mention it on this blog whenever I feel the smallest impulse: be careful when naming your firstborn that you’re not using a name that rules out names you’d like to use later. For example! Let’s say you would rather not repeat any initials, and your absolute top favorite girl name is Eliza—then it would be good, if this baby is a boy, to remember NOT to use Edmund, Elliot, Emmett, Ezra, etc., unless you like one of those names BETTER for a boy than you like Eliza for a girl; and if your absolute top favorite girl name is Josephine, then you’d want to be careful not to use John or Joseph for a boy. If you use Ezra/Eliza, does it rule out using Eliza/Ezra, because of the repeated sounds? Oh, and even things like, if you name a baby Wesley, would it bother you to have the similar -ey ending of Audrey?

Name update:

Hello Swistle,
Thank you to you and your readers for weighing in on boy names for us! We appreciated the perspectives of those who used honor names in their families and the additional suggestions that people gave. We did end up having a baby boy! We named him Wesley John after his grandfathers. Our families were delighted and we think the name suits him well!

Many thanks!

Hi Swistle –

Long time reader here! I never thought I would have to be sending in a request, but alas here we are with a baby due in April needing name help! The baby will be taking my husband’s last name, which sounds like M@avis, but with a D. We are waiting to find out if it’s a boy or girl and are having some difficulties with the boy names!

We have agreed on Josephine (nickname, Joey or Jojo) for a little girl. Her middle name will likely be Lee, my mothers middle name or my last name (a yellow condiment you put on burgers). I am not too fussed about the middle name. As a reference, the other girl names we liked were Quinn (dont love for a boy) and Penelope (nickname, Poppy).

Boy names are where we start to have some issues. I have always loved the name Reid and my husband is not too keen on it. I also don’t mind (not in love) the names

Jack – family name, too popular?
Robert – nickname Robbie, family name
Fletcher (is this too random?)
Rory (meh)

My husband only likes Rory so far and I am just not in love. He’s not even that sure about it.

Middle name will probably be Robert, Neal (my mom’s maiden name), or my last name.

Would love to hear any suggestions from yourself and readers if you are willing!

As an avid reader, I can 1000% promise I will send an update :)

Thanks in advance!

I like the name Reid, and I like it with a possible future sister named Josephine. My only hesitation is how it goes with the surname: the -d/D- creates a little issue. I don’t think that has to be a dealbreaker: I think it would be very natural to put a little pause in there. But where I feel like it becomes a larger issue is when the name can be misheard as a different name. The first name Ree is not at all common, so this isn’t like our acquaintance Liam Mason who is often mistaken for Leah Mason; but it still does make me hesitate, especially since your husband isn’t keen on the name Reid anyway. (But if he suddenly comes around, as so many men seem to do on names they’ve previously rejected, then I say GRAB THE OPPORTUNITY. If once in a blue moon someone mistakes the name for Ree, then you will correct them and move on with life!)

Jack is nice with the surname. If you are planning more children: do you mind repeating an initial? Do you like Jack and Josephine/Joey/Jojo together?

I don’t think Fletcher is too random. I think it will be perceived as trying to find something a little more unusual to spice up a common surname.

One of my favorite things is when a baby will be given one parent’s surname, but the other parent’s surname works as a first name; traditionally the way this has played out is that the baby is given the father’s surname (which, traditionally, the mother has also taken), but the mother’s maiden name is something that works as a first name. I can’t help but notice what a perfect first name your husband’s surname is. There’s no chance you’d want to reevaluate the surname decision, especially since you’re having some trouble with a boy name? Mavis-with-a-D Yellow-condiment-you-put-on-burgers.

When a couple is struggling to find any names they feel enthusiastic about, I do think a family name is a nice solution: the name will be satisfying even if it doesn’t initially make your hearts pound. Are Jack and Robert names from your side of the family, or from your husband’s, or from both? It’s not always possible (sometimes one side of the family doesn’t have anyone the parents want to honor; sometimes one side of the family doesn’t have any names the parents are willing to use), but when it IS possible I think it’s nice to balance the name: if the surname comes from one side of the family, it’s nice if the honor names can come from the other side of the family.

I’d like to put in a vote for using your mother’s birth surname Neal as the first name. Not only does it give the name Honor Balance (especially if you use your surname as the middle), but it’s also a great name. Neal Mavis-with-a-D! I really love it. And Neal is great with a possible future sister named Josephine/Joey/Jojo. This is my favorite option by far. I am having to suppress the urge to PRESSURE you to use it.

I wonder if you would like the name Calvin. I like the repeated V-sound with the surname. I like that he’d have the nickname options Cal or Vinnie. I like it with possible future sister Josephine.

Or Clark. It’s snappy like Reid and Jack.

Elliot was one of my own favorites; we couldn’t use it because we couldn’t agree on spelling. Elliot Mavis-with-a-D.

Or Nolan? I have an acquaintance with a son named Nolan, and I notice that (1) it pleases my ear when she says it and (2) I don’t know anyone else with that name. Nolan Mavis-with-a-D.

But overall, I feel like there isn’t enough here for me to get a grip on your boy-name style: we have one name you love, and then a few names no one loves. It sounds to me as if what’s needed here is one of those apps where you each select all the names that appeal to you, and then the app tells you which names you agreed on. Or maybe some browsing through The Baby Name Wizard, with each of you looking at the name categories and seeing which categories TEND to be the ones you like, and then seeing if there are any shared categories and any shared name candidates within those categories.

If you do that, though, and there are still no names either of you feel particularly enthusiastic about, I want to reassure you that it is absolutely fine to end up choosing a name you both just feel is a Good Solid Useful Name (Neal? how about Neal?); in time, I feel confident you will end up feeling Name Love for it.

Name update:

Hi Swistle and Readers!

Thank you for all your help. We chatted, deliberated, and researched. Our beautiful baby boy, Robert ‘Bo’ Neal arrived this past weekend. We think he suits Bo perfectly and if that changes down the road, he has a number of nicknames that will work. We really appreciated all your thoughts!

Grace

Swistle –

We are expecting our fourth and *probably* final baby (I have to stop at some point 😂). We have three boys: Brady Mills, Walker Lee and Davis Blake. Last name sounds like Kershmen. Middle names of all the boys are family names (my maiden, my middle, husband’s middle).

We have a girl name picked out, but are kind of stuck on a boy name, and let’s be honest: after three boys we are fully expecting one more! We both really like Rex but are worried it’s too… something. Maybe too dog-name? Too country? Too ‘not a name’? Too T-Rex? I like that it has the ‘Max’ sound but is not as popular, but I’m wondering if our name vision is clouded and it actually is a ridiculous name. Middle name would probably be Ellis (it’s a distant family name but we’ve run out of closer family names that we like). So top contenders as of now:

Rex Ellis (initials would be REK and I like that it kind of sounds like the name)
Reid Ellis
Jenkins Drew (Drew is both of our brothers’ names, and we like the nn Jenks but I’m worried about the ‘Jaynkins’ pronunciation)
Cal (not sure on a middle, and it would just be cal – I’m not a fan of any of the longer versions)

Other names we like:
Jett
Mack
Rowan (Row)

We don’t want to repeat initials with any of our other boys. What do you think of Rex, and do you have any other suggestions that go with our naming style??

Thank you!!

P.s. your readers helped us with Brady’s name and I wrote in for help with a girl name on our 3rd baby, who obviously turned out to be a boy!

I don’t think Rex is a ridiculous option (I think of Rex Harrison, though I see in that case it was a nickname for Reginald), but I find that when I say “Brady, Walker, Davis, and Rex,” something about it hits an odd note. Whereas when I say “Brady, Walker, Davis, and Reid,” everything feels like it clicks together. I wonder if you could name him Reid Ellis and then get Rex/Reks as an nickname from the initials. (This is less of an issue, but also I find “Rex Ellis” a little uncomfortable to say.)

I get a similar odd note if I try the group with Jett and Mack, so I wonder if it’s that those names don’t seem like the same style as the other boys’ names—especially coming so close after the somewhat formal-sounding Davis. That is, Brady and Mack seems like an okay combination to me, but Davis and Mack hits the odd note. I should say, though, that after three or so kids, I definitely stopped worrying so much about the names Going Together, even though it continued to be one of my highest preferences: it just gets harder and harder to DO, and also the parents’ naming style may subtly shift over the sheer amount of TIME it takes to have a bunch of kids.

Similar to Reid: Rhys. Rhys Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Rhys. I am slightly disinclined to do an -s ending right after another sibling with an -s ending, but on the other hand in my own situation it turned out that those kinds of considerations faded significantly after I was out of the naming process. Still, in this case I prefer Reid.

Wait–what about Rhett? It’s interesting how close in sound it is to Rex, while being entirely different in style. Brady, Walker, Davis, and Rhett.

Or Redford, nicknamed Red.

I find the name Jenkins very appealing. I don’t have any experience with the name in real life, so I don’t know if the Jaynkins pronunciation would be an issue or not, and am hoping others can weigh in.

I wonder if you’d want to consider Jennings? Jennings Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Jennings.

I think Rowan works very well in this group: Brady, Walker, Davis, and Rowan. I like the way everyone gets their own initial and their own ending, and it’s a nice assortment of sounds.

I’m VERY KEEN on the idea of using the name Drew for the middle if at all possible, since it’s such a fun coincidence that it would be after TWO of his uncles! To me that is NEARLY as much of a treat as when one parent’s surname is used for the children, but the OTHER parent’s surname is a usable baby name.

Let’s look for some more first names to consider.

Aidric; Aidric Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Aidric
Cormac; Cormac Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Cormac
Crosby; Crosby Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Crosby
Everett; Everett Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Everett
Felix; Felix Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Felix
Fletcher; Fletcher Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Fletcher
Flynn; Flynn Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Flynn
Franklin; Franklin Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Franklin
Frederick; Frederick Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Frederick
Gage; Gage Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Gage
Holland; Holland Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Holland
Isaac; Isaac Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Isaac
Keaton; Keaton Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Keaton
Lennox; Lennox Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Lennox
Merritt; Merritt Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Merritt
Milo; Milo Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Milo
Mitchell; Mitchell Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Mitchell
Russell; Russell Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Russell
Sawyer; Sawyer Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Sawyer
Sullivan; Sullivan Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Sullivan
Thatcher; Thatcher Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Thatcher
Vance; Vance Kershmen; Brady, Walker, Davis, and Vance

I put Isaac in there because it has some snap, and I feel like you may be looking for some snap—but I am not sure about it style-wise. I went to take it out and found myself reluctant, so I will leave it in.

Name update:

Dear Swistle-

Bub came a few weeks early, so sadly the timing of our letter to you did not work out! However – I’m happy to see that some of your readers like the name we picked.

We went to the hospital with the names narrowed down to Rex and Jenkins. We liked Reid through the whole pregnancy but it just started to not feel right. Rhett would have been top of our list but we have good friends with a son named Rhett so we never considered it – so when my husband brought up Rex, I thought it was a fun twist on Rhett mixed with Max and I liked that! Simple yet a little spunky.

When he was born, we put his Rex hat on him and started calling him Rex, and it worked! His brothers love his name and have fully embraced the T-Rex association, giving him dinosaur stuffed animals and drawing dinosaurs on every card they write him. It’s very cute and we feel that he is definitely a Rex!

We went with Ellis as a middle name as I just couldn’t make Rex Drew sound right in my head (although it looks fine written out like that). So here he is, Rex Ellis! Thanks for your feedback – I will refer to it when we’re on our 5th boy (ha!).

Hi!

My husband and I are expecting our third (and likely last) baby, a girl due this April. We have two boys, Luke and Noah, and our last name rhymes with Tedwards.

I love that my boys’ names are short, sweet, and traditional but not too formal. Our girl’s name does not need to follow the four-letter trend, but I do want a short-ish name that does not have a clearly associated nickname.

Our little girl’s middle name will almost certainly be Jane, a family name, although I’ve also considered Jane (Janie) as a first name. I prefer a first name with two or more syllables to go with a one syllable nickname.

Some names I really like, but are already in use in our (large and very close) family: Lily, Addy, Anna, Lucy, Maggie, Ava, Mia/Mya, Amy.

I love Nora, but it’s too similar to Noah. Same goes for Louisa, with Luke.

We have a few names we like, but no clear front runners:
Emma (we like the name, but also know so many Emmas)
Fiona
Celia
Julia

It appears I’m drawn to girl names that end in “a” but that’s certainly not a requirement.

A few that fit what we’re looking for, but I’m just not crazy about: Mary, Isla, Cora, Alice.

Would love your thoughts and suggestions!

 
Name update:

Hi!

Just wanted to share that we welcomed our little girl, Eliza Jane, last week. While we considered using Jane as a first name, it ultimately felt better as a middle name. Eliza will almost certainly be my parents’ last grandchild, and now their first grandchild (my niece) and their last share my mom’s first name as their middle name. My mom is so happy about her “bookend” grandchildren. In a fun twist, we had already decided on the name Eliza, and then had a (wonderful!) L&D nurse named Eliza take care of me during delivery! It felt meant to be. Luke and Noah are absolutely in love with their baby sister. Thanks to all of the commenters for the wonderful suggestions, they were so helpful as we narrowed down our list!

Swistle,
I REALLY need your help. My son was born two weeks early and we didn’t find out the gender. He is now a month old and I still haven’t named him! I just can’t quite commit and only have one more week before I have to register his birth and choose a name.

We have two daughters, Scarlett Elizabeth and Ivy Jean, both of their middle names are family names. If he had been a girl he would have been Olive Elaine. I feel like we have a definitive girl naming style, but can’t work out boys names. I think this is our last baby.

Some helpful context. We are American, but live in London, so ideally a babe that works in both countries but not in the top 10. Our surname is K3nt, and I think two or more syllable names sound best.

Names on our list that don’t work for various reasons…
Jude (too short)
Jack (too short)
Liam (USA popular)
Clarke (not with our surname)
Dean (apparently looked down upon in the UK)
Beau (hubby hates)
Colin (our neighbor)

I think my current frontrunner is Jonah. Other names I like are Hugh, Levi, Logan, Eli, Callum…

Middle name will be Scott, after my dad.

Did I miss any good ones? Why can’t I commit? Any tips?

Help name this baby!

Thank you,
Kelly

 
 
 
 
Name update:

Hi Swistle,
Huge thanks to all of your lovely readers for their help in naming our little boy.

There was lots of support for Oliver, but that is my nephew’s name!

In the end, we named him Jonah. I think I needed some reassurance and other ideas to help me choose. Part of me still wonders if there is a better name for him out there. I haven’t found it yet and imagine he will grow into his name more and more each day.

Thanks for all your help!
Kelly

Dear Swistle,

My husband and I are expecting our first child, a baby girl, in March. We are completely stumped when it comes to her first name, but we know that her middle name will be Ellen. My middle name is Ellen and I am the 5th generation woman on my mother’s side to have this middle name. In addition to wanting to carry on the tradition, we really like the name, too, so it doesn’t feel like a burden. Our last name is pronounced “hour” like a time of the day, but begins with the letter A.

Requirements for her name:
1. Must not be popular/trendy or the name of a friend’s baby
2. Must sound good with Ellen
3. Should also sound good with our surname, though I haven’t found our surname to be much of an issue with any name we like.

Names we like but have ruled out for the above reasons: Violet and Iris (too popular); Olive, Margot, Ruby, and Esme (have friends who have used these names); Eloise, Lilah, and Lola (sound strange next to Ellen).

Our favorite name for our baby is Mabel, but we can’t decide if that sounds weird next to Ellen (two “el”s in a row). Other options for our baby are Poppy, Clementine, June, Opal, and Florence.

You can see we have a preference for old fashioned names that are not popular, but are also not “weird,” but we aren’t afraid to embrace a quirky name. If our baby were a boy, he would probably be named Archie.

Also relevant, the names of the “Ellens” in our family all end in a ‘y’ or ‘ie’, which I think makes me question the names on our list. Only Poppy fits with that pattern. Mallory Ellen (me), Kimberly Ellen (my mother), Dixie Ellen (my grandmother), Gertie Ellen (great grandmother), and Lucy Ellen (great-great grandmother).

Please help us name our sweet baby!
Warmly,
Mallory

I think when you’re already working with one important requirement (this nice middle name tradition), it’s better not to accidentally add a second requirement (e.g., -ie/-y endings)—especially if you are hoping the next generation will continue to feel it’s a fun tradition and not a burden. If your favorite first name happens to end in -ie/-y, I wouldn’t rule it out—but if I were you, and I ended up with two finalists, and one of them ended in -ie/-y and the other one didn’t, I would be swayed toward the one that didn’t.

I have said “Mabel Ellen” roughly one million times and can’t decide if it’s totally fine, or if it’s just a little odd but basically fine. Either way I think it’s fine. Do you think you’re a family that will say “Mabel Ellen” pretty often? If so, then you may want to test it out a bit: “Mabel Ellen, I told you to clean your room!,” “Mabel Ellen, are these your socks on the kitchen floor?,” etc., just to see if you like the feel of it. I found I was in favor: the little bounce of the “bel/ellen” reminded me of other names I enjoy saying, such as Belinda. But I had Paul test it, and he said for him he found it just a little uncomfortable to work his mouth around it.

Speaking of which: I find Opal Ellen and Opal Hour both a little uncomfortable to work my mouth around. I would think “Mabel Ellen” and “Opal Ellen” would be almost exactly the same (the b/p are nearly the same, the e/a are nearly the same), and yet the first one feels nice in my mouth and the second one doesn’t. I suspect this will vary considerably from person to person, with some having the same experience as me, and some having the opposite experience, and some not liking either one, and some having no idea what any of us are talking about.

Trying out Poppy with your surname, something about the sound of it was reminding me of something else, which turned out to be “Happy Hour.” Not a deal-breaker, but just the sort of thing I like to have thought about BEFORE the baby is named.

The name that leaps out to me (because it’s on my own list) is Florence. I am so ready for that name. Florence Hour—does it make the word “sour,” accidentally? If it does, do we mind, or would we just make sure to put a teensy little pause in there: “Florence. Hour is here for her 9:45 appointment.”

Let’s look for some more candidates! You’ve got a nice wide range there from Poppy to Florence, so this list will aim for similar width:

Azalea; Azalea Ellen; Azalea Hour
Belinda; Belinda Ellen; Belinda Hour
Bianca; Bianca Ellen; Bianca Hour
Clarissa; Clarissa Ellen; Clarissa Hour
Claudia; Claudia Ellen; Claudia Hour
Cordelia; Cordelia Ellen; Cordelia Hour
Felicity; Felicity Ellen; Felicity Hour
Genevieve; Genevieve Ellen; Genevieve Hour
Imogen; Imogen Ellen; Imogen Hour
Louisa; Louisa Ellen; Louisa Hour
Magnolia; Magnolia Ellen; Magnolia Hour
Marigold; Marigold Ellen; Marigold Hour
Maisie; Maisie Ellen; Maisie Hour
Meredith; Meredith Ellen; Meredith Hour
Minerva; Minerva Ellen; Minerva Hour
Nadia; Nadia Ellen; Nadia Hour
Persephone; Persephone Ellen; Persephone Hour
Polly; Polly Ellen; Polly Hour
Sally; Sally Ellen; Sally Hour
Simone; Simone Ellen; Simone Hour
Tilda; Tilda Ellen; Tilda Hour
Veronica; Veronica Ellen; Veronica Hour
Winifred; Winifred Ellen; Winifred Hour

I wanted to suggest Millicent and Harriet and Celeste, but I wasn’t sure about those with Hour: it seems like it makes the word “tower,” though that’s not a NEGATIVE word so maybe that’s fine. And it’s not as if it makes the first name into something else: no one would think they were hearing Harria Tower, for example, the way Liam Mason can turn into Leah Mason; they just might sometimes think the surname was Tower, which would be fine and we would all move on with our lives. (Winifred/Marigold Hour could similarly make the word “dour”—but do people know/use that word often enough for it to spring to mind? I know it, but I read old British mysteries. And I still don’t USE it.)

I prefer initials not to spell things; I mind less if it’s something neutral/innocuous, but I still prefer to avoid it. So with the middle/last initials _EA, I would probably at least want to think ahead of time about first names that made the words PEA, SEA, TEA, YEA. On the other hand, I have an acquaintance whose lifelong nickname Mia came from her initials, so I might be favorably inclined toward initials such as BEA, LEA, MEA.

Name update:

Dear Swistle and readers,

Thank you so much for your input on our baby’s name. She was born on March 18th and we named her Florence Ellen. We decided to wait to meet her to choose her name and she just looked like a little Florence!

Warmly,
Mallory

Hi Swistle,

Returning poster here! I wrote to you back in 2019 when we were expecting Edie, who is now almost three. Since then we have welcomed our current youngest, Ethan Samuel, and are now just a few weeks away from the expected arrival of our seventh, a little baby girl due in mid-September. And I would love your and your readers’ help in naming her!

Our boys are Eli Michael, Ezra Matthew, Eben Jacob and Ethan Samuel. All go by their given first names, no nicknames, 100% of the time. Our girls are Emmeline Kaye and Edith Annabel, who only go by Emme (pronounced like the Emmy award) and Edie, respectively. All middle names are family names.

This will be our last child and I am still loving the name Eulalie. My husband would prefer Elizabeth or Esther (nicknames Essie). I am a hard no on Elizabeth (too many nicknames I actively dislike), and meh on Esther. Last time, we almost named our girl Eulalie, but husband wanted a “stronger” name in the end. Not sure if this will come up again as we’ve put off figuring out the name until after she is here. (With Ethan, we kept going back and forth between Ethan and Ezekiel for most of the pregnancy and for a day or two after he was born). But I still like to mull over the possibilities as my due date is fast approaching, and to have a short list heading into the hospital.

Anyways, would love to hear your suggestions for this baby’s name. It must start with an E, not have a default nickname that sounds like one of our other kids’ name, and not be anything too modern or religious (Evangeline is out for this reason). So far it’s just Eulalie, Edwina (Winnie, not Eddie!) and possibly Esther, but maybe there is something else out there?? (I don’t like Eliza or Eloise; Elodie is too close to Edie; and a close friend has an Evelyn).

The middle name will be a family name. Either Ada (finally!) or Marina, or some combination of the two.

What do you recommend?

Thank you!!
Anna

At this point I feel you must have been through the E section of the baby name book so many times, there is no way I could suggest something you haven’t thought of. Instead, I will think of it as throwing my support behind some of the options you have mentioned and/or have certainly considered. (And I hope that if I accidentally suggest something that is comically close to one of the sibling names, that a commenter will point it out in time for me to quickly erase it and pretend it never happened!)

• Etta. I like that it gives a new sound (no hard-T sounds in the sibling group yet), and that it is nice with Emme and Edie. I don’t like that she alone among her sisters wouldn’t have a longer name to go with her nickname. You could do Etta/Ettie, perhaps—but one of the things I like about the name Etta is that it doesn’t give you a third girl with a long-E ending.

• Esther. I love it, which means nothing if YOU don’t love it, but I have experienced many times the phenomenon of having my opinion of a name vastly improved by other people’s positive reactions to it. And I like that it gives you a new sound (no S sounds in the sibling group yet).

• Estelle. Similar to Esther, yet a completely different vibe. New sound (T, ST). Nickname could be Essie or Ellie, but that’s another long-E nickname; could also be Stella, if it doesn’t have to be an E nickname. I like the way Estelle seems to bridge Emmeline and Edith.

• Eleanor. This name, too, does a good job of bridging Emmeline and Edith. Nicknames include Ellie, Lennie, Linnie, and Nora.

• Elsa. New sound (S). Nickname could be Ellie or Elsie. Downsides: Frozen movie/merchandise is still going pretty strong, as I understand it; third girl nickname with a long-E ending; Ellie visually similar to Eli, though when we are working on a SEVENTH name starting with the same letter I start to relax a LOT of preferences.

• Eva. New sound (V). Nickname could be Evie. Downside: maybe I don’t need to keep mentioning that I would rather not have a third long-E girl nickname, considering you have not mentioned that preference at all! But Edie and Evie are so similar.

• Elspeth. This has got some of the elements of Elizabeth, without lending itself to some of the nicknames you don’t like. I like the nickname Elsie, though you could also go with Ellie.

• Evette. Does that feel like cheating, or is that a legitimate spelling of Yvette?

Name update:

Hi Swistle,

Thank you to you and your lovely readers for all your thoughtful feedback and suggestions regarding a name for our littlest one. Our daughter was born yesterday morning and we decided to go with Eulalie (Eu-LAY-lee). I think she’ll wear it well! I’m not sure if we’ll use a nickname or not. For now we are all just getting used to calling her Eulalie. Her middle name is Marina, after my mom. (We decided to go with just one middle name for her, same as with our other kids. But having more amazing relatives than kids to name is not a bad problem to have!) So that’s her name! Eulalie Marina. I hope she loves it as much as we do!

Thank you again,
Anna

Hi Swistle!

I have been a long-time reader and absolutely love your blog! My husband and I are expecting our second (and final) child, a girl, this fall. Our last name is a different spelling of Woodruff.

We have an almost 2-year-old named Mila whose name we absolutely love. She is named for my grandmother Mildred, in the Jewish tradition of honoring a family member who has passed with a variation of the name/same first letter. Her middle name is P@rkes, which is a family name (my husband’s mother’s maiden name/middle name). Mila happens to work perfectly with both my Jewish/Eastern European heritage and my husband’s Hispanic heritage. This is an awesome added benefit, however hard to find and certainly not required for this baby’s name.

We have a few names in mind, but despite lots of searching and discussing (and reading through so many entries of your blog!) have not yet found the one! I am feeling stuck.

We ideally want to honor family members and some potential ways to do this would be names starting with H, J, or L (or maybe E but I don’t love the initials EW), however we are not limiting ourselves to these as it’s more important to us that we give her a name we love.

Names we both like:
Lucy – this was a front runner from our last pregnancy. We both really like it but aren’t sure it’s the one.
Hallie – another front runner, we both really like this and it would honor my grandfather Harold who went by Hal. I am worried that she would constantly be having to explain that it’s Hallie and not Haley.
Harper – newer addition to the list and we both like it but not sure it’s the one, it’s been growing on me more quickly than my husband though I do worry it’s too popular being top 10, also someone in my friend group has a daughter with this name, my preference is not to know people personally with a name so it feels more unique but realize this is silly especially since they live out of state and we rarely see them :)
Emma – we both really like it, though it feels to me too common (#2 name!!) and maybe too plain. It feels so close but not sure it’s the one. I think I prefer Emmi/Emmy/Emmie though my husband does not. I like the idea of Emme but not how hard it is to pronounce, I wouldn’t have known how to say it without reading your blog :)
Zoe/Zoey – we both do like the name, even though we can’t agree on the spelling :)

We like the middle name James, if the first name is clearly feminine like Lucy or Hallie or Emma, and it would honor several family members and a close family friend. But with a more unisex sounding name like Harper or Hadley, we would want a more feminine middle name. We are open to other middle names, maybe beginning with J in memory of the people mentioned above as well as my cousin Jill, however not required.

Some other names I like but my husband doesn’t are Addison (Addie), Ainsley, Chloe, Eloise, Sloane.

Names my husband likes are:
Molly – prob his favorite, and I do like it. It’s a cute name we considered for Mila but it feels too similar to me. I don’t want another M name as it is important to me for each girl to have her own initials, also my husband’s name starts with an M so I would be the only one without an M name other than our dog :). (Mine starts with H and another reason I like the H names for this baby is the symmetry of 2 M’s and 2 H’s. Again not required.)
Ashley (I like the name but don’t want to name our baby this as it feels 80s to me, also we know a lot of Ashleys)
Hannah (don’t love, wouldn’t say I necessarily dislike it but some associations I can’t get over and def not the one)

Some other names we both like but either don’t think we like enough or don’t want to use (friends with the name, associations, etc.) are Adeline, Berkeley, Brooklyn, Callie, Grace, Hadley. It is possible we could be convinced so open to thoughts if any of these stand out to you.

We are stuck and would love your suggestions! It would be great to get your thoughts on the above names if something is standing out to you, or other names we should be considering. Also on what names go well with sibling Mila? Thanks!!!

The one that stands out to me is Hallie. I think you’d periodically have to correct someone who thought it was the more common Haley, but that it wouldn’t be at deal-breaking levels—and once people DID know it was Hallie, they wouldn’t KEEP getting it wrong, so you’d mostly be dealing with in it non-important situations where there’s no need to correct it if you don’t feel like it (e.g., you’re waiting for a prescription and the clerk calls out “For Haley?” to let you know it’s ready).

Hallie has a lot going for it. It starts with one of the initials you were hoping for; but also your grandpa went by Hal, which makes an even better story, and also a good first-three-letters parallel for Mildred/Mila. It gives you the unnecessary-but-fun two M’s and two H’s in your family. It feels like a good fit with Mila in sound and in femininity and in confusion/difficulty levels.

I feel a little weary of the trend of giving baby girls the middle name James (we don’t have a corresponding trend of giving baby boys the middle name Jane), but it’s good with Hallie and for you it would honor several family members, and it coordinates nicely with your first child’s middle name.

Would others like to champion their own picks from the list, or suggest additional options?

Name update:

Hi Swistle –

Thank you so much to you and your readers for your input! We are excited to share that we welcomed our daughter Lucy J@mes Woodruff.

We loved the name Hallie on paper (for all of the reasons you and your readers did), but kept trying it out by saying it out loud to each other and had mixed feelings on the sound; it didn’t feel like the one. I also knew the pronunciation issues would bother me (confirmed by my annoyance when I tried using it for my Starbucks order and received a cup that said “Haley”).

Lucy’s name fits her perfectly and we have gotten lots of compliments on it! Also – added bonus – the way her big sister says “Ooh-sie” is pretty adorable