Hi Swistle,

My husband and I (surname Peters) are expecting our second child, a girl, next week. This little lady will be joining her big brother, Camden James. We have settled on a first name, Zoey, but I am struggling to settle on a middle name and am hoping this letter peaks your interest enough to help. In all likelihood, this will be our last child – but never say never.

We chose Camden’s first name simply because we liked how it sounded and the nickname potential. His middle name, James, is an honor name. He shares this middle name with my brother and nephew.

When we found out we were expecting a girl, I had a very long list of potential names that crossed all sorts of styles – thinking certainly my husband would have warm feelings for a few. Well, Zoey was the lone name he liked and we are both very happy with the selection.

As I mentioned, I am struggling with settling on a middle name. My immediate thought was Grace. Zoey Grace. I like it’s flow, that it is a single syllable, and feminine. The more I thought (and think) about it though – it seems like the “easy” choice. Part of me feels like we should choose another honor name, but I don’t necessarily love any honor names on either side of our family more than I like Grace. Of course, my favorites from the honor options are on my side – Claire (great-grandmother’s middle name) and Marie (sister’s middle name). In a way, I would feel bad selecting another honor name from my side of the family. Also, I am one of four siblings so if we chose Marie, I would have used two of my sibling’s names but not the other.

Honor names to choose from include:
Mildred
Christine
Ann
Joanne
Margaret
Claire
Betty
Ella (I love this as a middle name but I can’t get away from Zoey Ella / Cinderella)
Patricia
Susan
Marie

Am I overthinking this? Is Zoey Grace a perfectly good name? Would it be rude to select another honor name from my side of the family?

Your advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks a bunch,
Lauren

It’s possible this answer will be too late: the question came in last week, and I draw from the previous week’s questions, and I just registered upon re-reading that the baby was expected “next week”—i.e., THIS week. Well. Let’s go for it anyway. I’ll type fast.

I absolutely don’t think it would be rude to select another honor name from your side of the family, especially if the surname is your husband’s family name.

Nor do I think it would be a problem to use a non-honor name this time, even though you used an honor name last time. I might avoid Claire anyway with a first name that ends with an -ee sound (turns into eclair, not that there is anything wrong with delicious, delicious eclairs). And I see your point about two-out-of-three sibling names, though I do think that would be fine: most people seem to understand that the number of beloved relatives to honor generally exceeds the number of offspring.

Zoey Grace is indeed a perfectly good name. If you love it, I don’t see any reason you shouldn’t choose it.

If you decide you’d rather use an honor name, I love Zoey Joanne from your list: I like the repeating long-O, I think, and the emphasis on the second syllable of Joanne, and the alliteration with her brother’s middle name (totally unimportant, but it pleases me anyway), and that you could call her Zoey Jo or Zo-Jo. I also love Zoey Margaret: there is something very appealing about that combination to me, visually and stylistically. And I like the flow and sound of Zoey Christine.

Name update!

Swistle,

I can’t thank you and your readers enough for your input to my middle name dilemma. After reading your response, I loved with Zoey Joanne – especially after seeing Zo Jo (we sometimes call Camden “Cam Jam” so seeing that nickname possibility made my heart leap). As much as I loved the name, I couldn’t get my husband on board as he preferred Zoey Grace. We welcomed Zoey Grace on June 2nd. She is five weeks old and I am absolutely smitten with the baby (and her name).

Thanks again for your help,
Lauren

Hi Swistle! I’ve been a long time reader of your blog, even before I met my husband, and I’m excited …and a little frustrated… to finally be asking for help of my own!

Our first baby, a girl, is due in November and we’re having a hard time finalizing a name. Well actually I personally wasn’t having a hard time until recently. I was just patiently waiting for my husband to come around to the name Amelia, a name I’ve wanted to name my daughter for quite a while now. His favorite is Clara which I also thought was lovely…it just wasn’t my favorite until lately. I can’t stop thinking about it and I feel like I’m cheating on Amelia!!

Here’s a little back ground info for you. Our last name is Logan with an H and if this baby was a boy he would’ve most likely been Leo Wells or Leo Webb which we still plan on using if we have a boy in the future. Also this baby girl will definitely have the middle name Sue after me and my mom.

His favorites that I vetoed:
Avery
Finley
Harper
Cora

My favorites that he vetoed:
Georgia
Hazel
Edith

Which leaves us with Amelia and Clara. My problems with Amelia are that its a bit of a mouth full to say with no real easy nickname besides Amy, Mia (neither which I love) and Milly (which is ok) and that its getting so popular. My main problem with Clara is really that I don’t like the name Claire and they sound so similar! To me, Amelia seems sassy and spunky and Clara seems sweet and soft spoken…so help! You pick! Or is there any other name that would bring our two very different styles together that I’m missing? Any input would be much appreciated! Thank you!
Heather

P.S. I think there’s maybe another aspect to these 2 names that you could help me with. Why is it that Amelia seems like the bolder more unique name when it’s #15 according to the SSA and Clara seems like the safer more familiar name when it’s #108. It may have something to do with Amelia only being #50 in Texas where I live but that’s still fairly high or maybe that Claire is so familiar. I feel like that may be part of my problem deciding between the two names. Amelia seems like the more fun option yet it is more popular?!

Let’s start with the p.s., because I wonder about that sort of thing a lot: why do our subjective impressions of names vary SO MUCH? There can be so many factors.

One possibility is that when you started liking the name Amelia, it was a lot less common. Here’s what it’s been up to recently:

(screen shot from SSA.gov)

The #15 ranking is pretty new; maybe you started liking it when it was still in the 100s or 200s. And it can take awhile for popularity impressions to catch up: there can be tens of thousands of babies with a name, but it’s not as noticeable until they hit daycare/school and you start seeing class lists. “Huh, a Joey, two Chloes, a Zoe, and a Zoey.” “A Kayla, a Mikayla, two Kyles, a Kylie, and a Kyler.” “A Madelyn, a Madison, an Adelyn, an Addison, a Maddie, a Maddox, and an Addy.” “An Ella, an Eleanor, an Isabella, an Isabelle, a Bella, an Annabelle, and an Elizabeth-called-Ellie.”

I think too that seeing names mentioned frequently on naming sites can make them feel more common, even if only a small percentage of the parents who list or research the name actually end up using the name. Clara has come up in popularity quite quickly in recent years, and likely gets talked about more than the steadier Amelia. Here’s the chart for Clara:

(screen shot from SSA.gov)

Popularity isn’t the only factor that makes a name seem safer/bolder; personal associations contribute heavily too. Amelia Earhart might make the name seem bold and daring to you, while Amelia Bedelia might give it an appealing storybook whimsy, and Amelia Pond might give it fiery Scottish redhead adventurousness. And maybe you have only general pioneer-girl/early-American-history feelings associated with Clara, plus maybe knowing a couple of Claires, plus maybe the mom-name association with Claire Huxtable.

And location is huge, as you’ve noticed with the different ranking of the name Amelia in your state. One of our kids has a name we never, never, never encounter, even though it’s been in the Top 50 for ages; it’s much more popular in other regions, apparently. Another of our kids has a name that never hit the Top 10 nationally, but did get there in our state; we run into people with his name all the time. If we moved, we might find those situations swapped.

Now on to the main question. I think you put the issue very well: that you almost feel as if switching to the name Clara would be cheating on the name Amelia. That makes it sound to me as if you would actually prefer to use the name Clara. Do you think that’s true, or do you still prefer Amelia but find yourself very willing to let Clara be in second place?

One thing working in your favor is that it’s likely you still have over half the pregnancy to make the decision. It can feel weird to change from one favorite name to a new favorite (especially if it means switching to the other parent’s favorite), and giving it some time may help. If you find you do prefer Clara at this point but need help disengaging from the name Amelia, you could tell yourself that it might be that Amelia is your SECOND daughter’s name, and that’s why it’s not feeling quite right for this daughter. Perhaps this baby girl is going to be the sweet and soft-spoken one, and your next daughter is going to be the sassy firecracker.

Another issue, if you plan more children, is that I find Amelia and Leo a little difficult to say together. They’re not an impossible combination by any means, and in fact I think they’re a nice pairing, but the lee-ah and lee-oh can get tangled for me. With time, I think I would be more likely to say Ameel-ya, and that would reduce the issue.

Another reason I might grab Clara while you have the chance is that the rest of your husband’s list (except for Cora, which would likely be crossed off if you used Clara) is made up of modern unisex names. Use Clara now, I say, and set the style you prefer.

Another reason to use Clara is that the two of you agree on it. Am I getting the correct impression that he has not yet come around to the name Amelia? You could give him more time on that, while also possibly getting a little leverage for next time by giving him his first choice this time.

I don’t find the name Amelia to be a mouthful; it seems like a normal-length name to me, and no need for a nickname. While I’ve heard of people using Amy and Mia, those nicknames don’t come naturally for me. If you’d like a nickname, my guess is that some will occur on their own.

It may help you clarify your feelings if you can take the popularity rankings out of it. Imagine that the two names are the same popularity (I wouldn’t be surprised to see them at around the same rankings soon). Does that affect how you feel?

I like both names very much, and think either would be a great choice. If you decide to look for more options, I suggest the category of Antique Charm from The Baby Name Wizard. Amelia and Clara and Cora and Georgia and Hazel are all in that category, along with:

Abigail
Adeline
Annabel
Eliza
Emmaline
Lydia
Nora
Violet

and so on. I’d also add Meredith: I wonder if your husband might like it better than Edith.

Name update!

Hi Swistle! First of all, thank you so much for posting our name dilemma. In the end my husband came around and we couldn’t imagine naming our daughter anything other than Amelia Sue! The name totally fits the spunky firecracker I knew she would be…she even surprised us 3 weeks early! You and your readers provided a lot of insight especially the nickname suggestion of Ammie. We call her that and Ams all the time! Thanks again!

Hi Swistle,

Thanks so much for reading my question. I have a baby due at the end of the year, and my best friend has a baby due about three months before me. We finally sat down and talked baby names and it turns out we had decided on the same boy name! She knows that she is having a boy and will be naming him Jasper.

We have a son named Zaiden William Steward. For our next boy named we had decided on Jasper Grey Steward. Our girl name is Maizy Tangerine Steward. (Many people react to Maizy Tangerine with a slow “Oh… that’s interesting.” But we love it and think it’s adorable, so we’re sticking with it.)

So, obviously I would feel weird about naming my next baby the same name as my friend, even though I know we thought of it independently of each other.

The other boy names that were list are:

Thatcher Flynn Steward – My partner likes Thatcher but doesn’t love it, and had previously considered Flynn as a baby name with an ex, so that name is out.

Kiran Sky Steward – Decided against Kiran because there are no good nicknames and also, it sounds an awful lot like “Karen”.

So I guess we have a list of boy names we like, for either first or middle names, but really just aren’t finding a name that feels as perfect as Jasper Grey.

The full list of names we like:

Thatcher (I love it, partner is kind of meh about it)
Flynn (association with an ex)
Sky
Greyson
Grey
Jasper (best friend conflict)
Liam (partner has a bad association with this one, no good nickname as it is already a nickname on it’s own. I don’t like Lee or Li for a boy.)
Lupin (not my favorite, partner loves it. I also don’t like the nickname Lu or Lou for a boy.)
Jackson
Jax
Avery (no good nickname).

So we tend to like unusual names that aren’t too crazy (okay, except for the Tangerine part). I think nicknames are somewhat inevitable so I’d like to make sure the most natural nickname is one we like.

We call our son Zai (pronounced Zay) most of the time and we really like this.

I guess my question is: do you have any suggestions for the “perfect” boy name – a first and middle name together? I am sad to let go of Jasper Grey, and I think I’d feel a lot better about it if there was something else I loved.

Thanks for your help!

I notice that both Zaiden/Zai and Maizy have a long-A sound and a Z sound. If you’re planning more than two children, and so might save Maizy for a future girl even if you have a boy this time, probably we want to avoid adding more A/Z-sound names to the list. But if you’re planning to stop after two, I might look at A/Z names in the hopes of finding another boy name you like.

I might have suggested Hayes, but it doesn’t seem quite right with the surname: I hear “Hey, Steward.”

Hazen works better with the surname, but has even more sounds in common with Zaiden: the long-A, the Z, AND the -en.

James has the long-A and Z sounds, but may be too common for your tastes, and with the surname makes me think of James Stewart—not a negative association, but fairly strong.

Isaac might be a nice fit, similar without being too similar: it has the Z sound but without a Z, and a long-I instead of a long-A. But it’s a different style than Zaiden and Maizy. Same with Isaiah.

Zavier, maybe, similar in sound to Avery. Zaiden and Zavier are so visually similar, though, and no good nickname.

Well, you get the idea. But from your list, I don’t get the feeling the Z/A route is what you’re looking for, so let’s now look at other options:

Archer
Baxter
Brogan
Callan
Corbin
Cormac
Declan
Felix
Finn
Finian
Fletcher
Griffin
Hatcher
Keaton
Keegan
Lennox
Maddox
Meyer
Paxton
Tiernan

(I just reinvented the name Jason. I was looking at Jasper and Jackson, and I thought of Jase/Jace. Then I thought, “But the ending S-sound blends with the surname; maybe extend Jace to Jacen?”)

I recommend shifting the focus of your search: instead of trying to find another name as perfect as Jasper Grey, I suggest looking for the name you like best of all the names that are left to choose from. It’s a subtle shift, but may help avoid the discouragement of holding each name up to Jasper Grey and having each name fall short.

I wonder, though, if you want to reconsider your decision not to use the name. WOULD it be too weird if you and your friend both had sons named Jasper? What if you had met after naming your babies? In that situation, it would likely be a fun connection rather than a weird problem. Since you both know that you chose the name independently, and since you love the name and consider it perfect, could you decide to go with it? In the long run, it may not be as big an issue as it seems now.

I’m inclined to pursue Grey/Greyson from your list, or maybe Grady. It lets you keep part of your original choice, and it’s good with Zaiden and a possible future Maizy. Do you mind that Grey rhymes with Zai? I generally don’t mind if nicknames rhyme or cause other minor trouble, even though I DO mind if given names do so.

I wonder if you might like to use Greyson Jasper. This lets you use Jasper where it won’t seem like duplicating your friend’s choice. Zaiden William and Greyson Jasper; Zai and Grey. It might be a pro or a con that a possible future Maizy would make three children with rhyming first syllables: Zai, Grey, and Mai.

Name update!

Hi Swistle!

We were so grateful that you read and posted our letter. We loved reading all of your suggestions, as well as the replies from other readers.

My letter had stated that we needed a boy name, but that we’d already decided on Maizy Tangerine for a girl. Well, as we got closer and closer to the due date, Maizy Tangerine just didn’t feel right anymore (although we still love it). We completely started over with girl names and considered names like:

Emmerson Rae
Wilder Rae
Elliotte Grace
Sawyer Grace
Piper Anne
and many others.

In the end, our baby turned out to be a little girl and we named her Frankie Mae Wilder Steward. Frankie Mae is her first name and Wilder is her middle name.

She is the sweetest, cuddliest, happiest baby ever and her name suits her perfectly.

Thanks for your help, even though we didn’t end up needing a boy name after all! We love reading your posts!

Hi-

We are expecting a baby girl late May/early June and are having so much trouble deciding on a name. She has two brothers, Carter Justin and Holden Everett. Our last name rhymes with cow but starts with the S sound. As you can tell by our sons’ names, we like uncommon names that are somewhat familiar as surnames with simple spelling. We may or may not have a fourth child.

For our baby, I prefer a three syllable name with a single syllable middle name but hubby likes a two-syllable first name. It can’t end with an S sound because then the first-last name will not flow well. We would like something feminine and preferably not unisex. Names we’ve considered so far are Alaina (because I love the nn Lainie), Cassidy and Delia. Hubby doesn’t like Alaina because it sounds too Eastern European and there are too many different ways to spell this name. The other two names don’t quite feel right. I also like Sydney but will probably rule it out because it’s unisex. Other names I like but are too unconventional for the hubby are Everly, Avalon, Aria.

Any suggestions you have would be very much appreciated!

Thank you!
A&A

Because you like Alaina/Lainie and Delia, I suggest Delaney. Three syllables, doesn’t end with S. Currently used almost exclusively for girls in the United States: the Social Security Administration reports 1,220 new baby girls and 8 new baby boys given the name in 2014. It’s a surname name like Carter and Holden. You’d still have the nickname Lainie, or Del if you prefer.

Name update!

Thank you so much for your input. Hubby and I decided we wanted her nn to be Ellie so it was down to Eleanor versus Elena. I feel like Eleanor is very classy so we ended up with Eleanor Rose.