Amy writes:

I’m due with our second child, a baby girl in 6 weeks. We like unique first names with personally significant middle names and we have an 18 month old whose name we still absolutely love, Atticus, with his middle name being the name of the small town where we met & got married. We’ve had this baby’s full name picked out since before we even knew she was a girl but suddenly I’m having second thoughts. Her first name starts with E and is unique but a recognizable and easily pronounceable one-syllable word. Her middle name will be Elizabeth, a 4th generation name from my mother’s side, and our last name is two syllables and starts with W. My husband and I both love the name and have already revealed it to a few close friends and family members to positive reviews. But have you figured out my problem? Her initials will be EEW. I know it’s not the way most people spell eww when they’re talking about something gross and I can probably count on one hand the number of times I’ve had to use my full initials for something but I can see the potential teasing of “Your parents named you ewwww?!” written all over it. Is that what it makes you think of?

I’ve thought about changing the spelling to Alizabeth to avoid the issue altogether but it feels like it would be taking something away from the family significance of the name. I’ve also considered adding another middle name before the Elizabeth but it feels wrong to just tag some other random name along that we don’t really care about just to change her initials. I’ve also thought of shortening the middle name to Beth, which I don’t like as well, but it sounds terrible when said aloud with her first name. What should we do? Am I making a bigger deal of this than I should be? Should we stick with it and hope it’s not something that comes up often? Are there any other spellings we could use or maybe foreign options of Elizabeth or…? I don’t want to give up the name we love but I also don’t want it to become an issue she’s unhappy with later and have her name tainted for me anyway with “Why did we do that to her?” guilt.

I keep telling my husband he wasn’t even in the room when I filled out the birth certificate for Atticus so I could change the spelling to Alizzabegth if I really felt like it but I don’t think that’s going to go over well!

Help! Time is running out!

 
I would not change the family name. There are many alternate spellings and other-language variations on the name Elizabeth, but if it’s for fourth-generation family significance I wouldn’t mess around with it.

You don’t mention the option of changing the first name/spelling, so I assume that’s not changeable.

Well, it’s a difficult situation. In general, I don’t like initials to spell things—even good things. And initials such as EEW or EWW are not great. But…I’m disinclined to try at this point to talk you out of a name you’ve solidly chosen just to avoid some initials. If the name were, for example, Anna Sue Stevens, I would tell you that sad as it may be, an alternative would need to be chosen; but EEW seems on the line to me. I’d certainly avoid it if I thought of it beforehand, but this is very close to being afterhand.

My favorite “solves the whole thing” solution is for you to add another middle name. I agree with you that it seems silly to just toss a random name in there merely for the purpose of solving the problem—but I think if we avoid the random and the tossing and instead find a name you DO love, or a name with significance, that it no longer seems silly at all. It takes the name you love and improves it in two ways: by getting rid of the problem initials, and by letting you use an additional name you love.

If the name Elizabeth is from your side of the family, are there women on your husband’s side you might like to honor? Or perhaps a surname with a pretty sound? Or your own maiden name? E__ Elizabeth Name Surname is the order I’m thinking of. I think this could end up being a very pleasing revision, and fun to choose.

Name update! Amy writes:

Hi Swistle. A few weeks ago you helped my husband and I with the initials problem for our daughter- EEW. Your advice and all the comments helped us to feel confident to go ahead and use the name we loved the way it was and that the initials really weren’t that big of a deal. Elm Elizabeth W. was born on Monday and she’s perfect, just like her name. Sending along a picture. Thank you and your readers so much!

Karen writes:

I’m due in about 7 weeks and we’re still undecided about number three’s name. He will be Adam and Naomi’s little brother. I’m Karen and my husband is Dion. Our last name sounds like “Lou.” This is in all likelihood our last child. *sniff*. We have two front-running names but they both break one of my “rules:” that the kids’ names not sound like ours, so as to prevent confusion, especially since my husband’s hearing is not great. But maybe some rules were made to be broken?

John – this has been the leading contender for most of my pregnancy and we both really like it. It’s a good name and a strongly family name for me. However, Dion is more concerned about the similarity to his name because confusion is likely to be with him, the one with poor hearing after all. I don’t like Jack; John would be John. But are John and Dion too similar for one family?

Aaron – I’ve always liked this name but never considered it because it broke the similarity rule. I mentioned it off-hand recently and Dion said that he likes it, too. He’s not very concerned about confusing Aaron and Karen, mainly because it wouldn’t often cause confusion for him, just for us. I’m also thinking about John Aaron, possibly going by Aaron. Going by a middle name is very common in my family. In fact, Naomi is actually Margaret Naomi. But are Aaron and Karen too similar for one family?

I guess my main question is: John, Aaron, or back to the drawing board?

Our taste is typically “biblical – but not just biblical”. Here are some other names we’ve considered in the past, though I wouldn’t necessarily rule them out this time either.
Simon – was a backup name for Adam.
Gabriel – was also a backup name for Adam.
Jonah – was going to be Naomi’s name until the day she was born, when we found out she was a girl.
Benjamin – was a backup name for Jonah.
James – was a also backup name for Jonah.

many thanks,
Karen

P.S. I cut out this next part because I felt the query was getting too long [note from Swistle: I thought the postscripts were really good so asked Karen if I could leave them in] but here’s how strongly John is a family name for me:
My brother is John Ian, father is John David, and grandfather was John Norman, though they go/went by Ian, David, and Jack respectively, exactly so as to prevent confusion. It goes back at least seven generations. My brother will likely never have kids and even if he does, we both agree that it would be just fine if there were more than one John in the next generation. I also have a cousin John on my father’s side and twin aunts Jean and Joan on my mother’s side.

P.P.S. Again because it was getting too long… I know John and Dion don’t seem very similar but when I say John, the J can sound like Dzh or Dsh, which can sound like d-YUH, which makes JOHN sound like dee-YON. I’m not a linguist, so I dunno, maybe this is just a regional thing. We’re Canadian.

Boy, I really want to push you to use John. I love that name, and I love the sibling group of Adam, Naomi, and John. But your husband is the best judge of whether it will present an auditory problem for him. Would he be willing to accept the occasional confusion (if it WOULD only be occasional), in order to get the name you both love? It seems like it might be at the same level of hassle as other things (a second middle name, a Jr., etc.) we sometimes decide to accept because it’s worth it for other reasons.

Oh, dear, I have just had a thought. “John” is slang for bathroom. So is “Loo.” I wonder if this is well-known enough to cause problems.

Naming him after your brother might work. Ian Lou; Adam, Naomi, and Ian.

Or after your dad: David Lou; Adam, Naomi, and David.

Would it help to use Jonathan instead of John? Jonathan Lou; Adam, Naomi, and Jonathan.

The first confusion I noticed with the name Aaron was Adam: I realize everyone is going to be different about this, but I would have trouble remembering which boy was which. For scale, I have the same problem if a family has a Matthew and a Michael, or if I’m reading a book with a David and a Daniel. It’s not that the names are SO SIMILAR (because they’re not, and I wouldn’t expect someone else to find them too similar), but something about them creates a problem in my mind. Same number of syllables and/or same approximate length, same first letter, similar associations. With the additional problem of rhyming with Karen, this name would be off my own list—but as usual with this sort of thing, that doesn’t mean I’d say it should be off yours. Many, many other people would say “What? Adam and Aaron aren’t ANYTHING alike!”

From your list of other possibilities, my favorite is James. I like the subtle repeating M sound in all three names: Adam, Naomi, and James. I like Benjamin for this same reason, but between the two I prefer James for visual length. I also like Simon for both M-sound and length.

A possibility you’ve likely already considered is Joshua. Joshua Lou; Adam, Naomi, and Joshua. Joshua is similar in some ways to Jonah, but more mainstreamed (and with more diluted associations) like Adam.

Name update! Karen writes:

Thanks again for posting my naming question! Your and your readers’ comments definitely helped me make up my mind. From then on, I started leaning more and more towards John. We briefly discussed names on the ride to the hospital, since we hadn’t exactly pinned one down, but we still didn’t come to an agreement quite yet. I knew immediately after he was born that his name was going to be John, though I knew Dion wasn’t completely sold. In my mind, he was born and his name was John. End of story (almost.) I told (yes, told) Dion that he could choose a middle name if he wanted a J.P. or J.J. or something or if he thought that “just” John was too ho-hum or too grown-up for a baby. But I pointed out that Jay is a good nickname for a baby John and that I was perfectly happy to continue the pattern that the boys – he, Adam, and John – have no middle name but that Naomi and I do. And that was all the persuading I needed to do. And, really, how much persuading does any woman need to do in the labour and delivery room? Dion decided that he’d used all his baby-naming mojo with Naomi, so, John it is. Dion still isn’t sure how we’ll say John in that boy-are-you-in-trouble tone but adding the last name always helps, no? Thanks again!

Sarah writes:

We are expecting a baby girl around 4th of July. Our son is called River, but he is a fourth, and his full name is Richard S___ H___ IV. We used the R from Richard and IV from fourth to get River. We wanted him to have a more unusual nickname, but like that he has a traditional name as well. My husband goes by Rush, from the initials RSH. My name is Sarah, which I have never really liked because I was always one of 6 or 7 Sarahs in school and among my friends. But, it is a family name that goes pretty far back in my family tree, and my middle name is my mom’s maiden name. I like the family/tradition aspects of my name. Our last name sounds very similar to Hamilton. We would like our daughter ideally to have a family name as well, since the rest of us do. This will probably be our last child.

My favorite is Rose, with the nickname Rosie. I love it and it meets all of my name-nerd criteria. I like that it is traditional/timeless, but not super popular. I think it is popular as a middle name, but is in the 300s on the social security list of first names. I also like that it is a word and has a nature theme like River, without sounding too matchy. (A lot of people have suggested names like Brooke, Sky, etc, to go with River, but those all seem overly matchy/naturey, where Rosie does not to me.) One of my grandmothers is Rosemary and Rose is a name that appears several times in my family tree. The middle name would be my maiden name. People have a very positive reaction to this name when I mention it, except for my husband.

My husband does not like Rose/Rosie. He likes more androgynous/tomboyish names for girls. He thinks Rose is too flowery and frilly. His favorite name is Holland. It was his great-grandfather’s first name. I don’t mind the nickname Holly, but I really don’t like the sound of Holland Hamilton, it is a mouthful of a name. If we did go with Holland, I would want to use a more feminine middle name, maybe Rose, instead of my maiden name. I also have a bad association with name Holland from a family I knew growing up whose last name was Holland. I am having a hard time getting over that association. We have looked at other family last names, but none of them really work as a girl’s first name. If this baby had been a boy, he probably would have been Burke, which was my grandmother’s last name. We both love it, but it seems too masculine for a girl.

A compromise family name that we both like but neither of us totally love, is Dora/Dory. My husband’s grandmother was Doreen and my mom is Donna, so Dora seems like a good combination of the two, and Dory is a cute nickname. Not sure what the middle name would be. My maiden name stars with D and doesn’t sound great with Dora. Rose also doesn’t flow very well. The big issue, however — Dora the Explorer and Dory the fish from Finding Nemo are causing most people to have a bad reaction to the name and no one we mention it to likes it. Dora is not in the SSA top 1000, probably because of the cartoon, even though rhyming names like Cora and Nora have been rising. I would be interested to hear what your readers think about Dora! Will anyone even remember the cartoon when our daughter is grown up? I realize she would likely get teased as a child, but who doesn’t, and I’m not sure a cartoon should prevent us from using the name.

A final family name option is Elizabeth with the nickname Libby. This is my other grandmother’s name, and it has been used a lot by other family members, though none of them are Libby. I have a cousin who goes by Elizabeth, a few other cousins with the middle name Elizabeth, and my niece is Elspeth (scottish version of Elizabeth) but we call her Ellie mostly. It is a nice name, but maybe too popular overall and definitely overused by my family. I also don’t think Libby really goes with River very well. (We talked for a while about calling her Liberty nn Libby if she is born on 4th of July, but then I found out that River Phoenix had a sister named Liberty and so, no.)

Since our son is named after my husband, a lot of people have been suggesting that I should have final say on the name of our daughter. And I think if I really pushed for Rosie, my husband would eventually give in, but it would be nice to use a name that we both like! We have a list of non-family names that we both like, but as we get closer to the due date, it is seeming more important to me that she have a family name. The non-family names we agree on are Fiona, Ainsley and Penelope/Pippa. All sound good with my maiden name as the middle name, so she would still have some family connection.

Sorry this is long, feel free to edit! Thanks!

 
Oh dear, I’m afraid it’s true for me, too: the instant I hear the name Dora, the “D-d-d-d-d-Dora!” theme song starts playing in my head. And the show is still on the air, and I remember reading they’d branched out into a pre-teen-type Dora, too. It seems like in our children’s peer group, that’s going to be a well-known character. At least she is a strong and positive character, which can make the difference between deciding to go with it anyway and having to throw it out.

As to whether anyone will still remember the name when she’s grown up, I’m not sure. I thought back to the TV shows I watched as a child: I was an early-’70s baby, so I remember Sesame Street. The names Oscar and Ernie and Bert and Gordon still have strong associations for me. Maria and Olivia have only faint associations: they’ve been diluted by frequent use. A name like Dora lacks that dilution, but may achieve it later on—or might, even a generation later, still be a name like Ernie.

One possible solution is naming her Isadora and calling her Dora—but if you or she finds the teasing is too annoying, she can switch to Izzy or to Isadora. The downside: now we have drifted quite far from the namesakes. If I were named Donna or Doreen, I don’t think it would feel like an Isadora was named after me.

Berkley comes to mind, because of Burke. But again, with family names, finding variations doesn’t really help—since then they’re not family names anymore. Still, you’d have the positive association, and with your maiden name as the middle name, she’ll have still have a family name.

A name I love with Richard is Margaret. And an old nickname for Margaret is Daisy. Richard and Margaret; River and Daisy. But if your husband didn’t like Rosie, he might not feel any happier about Daisy.

Since your son is named after your husband, it is appealing to think of naming your daughter after you. It’s a family name on your side, and the name Sarah has two nicknames I think are adorable: Sadie and Sally. I think Sadie is best with River: Richard and Sarah, called River and Sadie.

Name update! Sarah writes:

Thanks to you and all the readers for your input. Many of the suggestions we had already considered and decided against. We had talked about naming her Sarah with the nickname Sadie, but my husband didn’t like that it looks like the word Sad. For similar reasons, he doesn’t like Violet –it reminds him of violent. Hollis was the name of a computer program I used to use every day at work, so that was out. And thanks for alerting us to expansion of the Dora cartoon to Teen Dora, that helped us decide against using it.
I am happy to say that my husband came around to my favorite name, and Rosie was born on July 6th. We are home now and doing great! Thanks again.

Genevieve writes:

Hello! I’m a huge fan of both your blogs and really should have sent in this much earlier, because my due date’s in TEN. DAYS. (eep) and we still are having a monstrous problem with naming our son.

I’m Genevieve, he’s Will. We have two daughters, Isadora Ruby (5) and Clementine Luna (2 1/2), and call them Sadie and Cleo EXCLUSIVELY. Last name is McGregor.

We chose our daughters’ names for the nicknames they gave us (we felt that Sadie and Cleo were much too insubstantial for full names), not because we loved Isadora and Clementine. In fact, we really don’t love or even like Isadora; we just adored Sadie too much and Isadora was the most realistic way to get to it. Clementine we do like, though. Middle names were just names we liked that sounded nice with the full names, and the middle name for this bub will be the same.

I actually still feel really guilty about giving our oldest daughter a full name neither of us like and isn’t really that appealing at all–Sadie doesn’t much like it either. My name’s Genevieve and growing up I would get so many lovely comments about it, which gave me a much-needed confidence and self-esteem boost in adolescence and beyond. I’m worried (sometimes I fret about it to the point of being sick) that no one will ever tell Sadie she has a gorgeous name, and I feel kind of awful about hoisting upon her Isadora, though I’m still ridiculously in love with her nickname.

So we’d like not to have a lingering sense of naming remorse with this bub.

Anyway. Enough back story.

With Bub, we’ve had an awful time with the naming process. Unlike Sadie and Cleo, we haven’t even found a nickname that we totally adore yet, much less a full name.

The name we’re thinking we love is Rex, but there are numerous problems with it.

–We have no idea how to get to Rex through a more substantial name, and if we can’t find one, Rex is off the list. Any ideas?
–Rex is seen as a dog name. Sadie is seen as a dog name. Cleo is seen as a cat name. There’s a accidental theme going on here, and my husband doesn’t like it. I’m pretty okay with it, though.
–When we’ve told a few select people that we’re thinking of naming the baby Rex, we’ve gotten cringing and obvious distaste, even though they tried to hide it. Now, I’m not going to let other people dictate what we name our baby, BUT I don’t want people (like our parents and close friends) really hating his name, because there’s a good chance he won’t like it either.

What do YOU think, Swistle? Is Rex just too odd? As an objective third party who just so happens to be a fabulous namer, your opinion is definitely needed on this one.

Other names on our list that we’re strongly considering:
Ned–Edmund, Edward–Not a huge fan at all of either full name, with those nasally suffixes
Max–Maxwell, Maximilian–I kind of really love the alliteration, but hubby isn’t sure. Also the pet name theme thing again. Also popularity issues that are really, REALLY throwing me off here; I really didn’t like how popular Sadie was when we named her, though thankfully we’ve never even come across another Sadie yet, and Max is set to skyrocket up the charts.

Ned is Will’s favorite, Max is mine. But neither of them feel like The One.

I guess we’re looking for a spunky, fresh, fun nickname that goes with a respectable full name. Also, if there’s a name out there that’s spunky, fresh, and fun AND suitable for an adult professional, we’d love to hear it; the nickname thing isn’t mandatory at all. We’d rather not repeat first initials or have similar beginning or ending sounds.

If Bub had been a girl, we would have named her Penelope Isis and called her Piper; somewhat ironically, we’ve had this name in our back pockets since before we even started trying for a third baby. Sigh. Though we’re over the moon that Bub is a boy, a girl would have been so much easier to name. We’re tentatively set on having at least one more baby, so maybe we’ll be back in a few years if we have another boy ;)

Thanks, Swistle!

I am going to have to make this quick, because what the readers don’t know is that this “due date is in 10 days” email arrived (*checks watch*) 11 days ago. So I’m going to post INSTANTLY so everyone can start working on it if it’s not too late already.

Actually, FIRST I will say that I LOVE the name Isadora. LOVE IT. I don’t know why people keep using the extremely popular Isabella when they could instead use the similar-yet-almost-totally-neglected Isadora. So if I ever meet your daughter and she mentions her full name, _I_ will say, “What a GORGEOUS NAME!”

And then I will say that if you like Rex but feel like you’re not getting good feedback from your circle, I suggest Reid/Reed. I realize it’s not very similar (different vowel and different ending), but it came to mind. Sadie, Cleo, and Reid. Reid McGregor.

I’m having trouble thinking of any longer names that could give the nickname Rex. Everything I think of feels like a big reach. But that made me think of Redford, with the nickname Red. Redford McGregor; Sadie, Cleo, and Red.

With your surname, you have an excellent nickname opportunity WHATEVER name you choose: he could go by Mac. It’s similar to Max, but less common—and if you have any male relatives you’d like to honor in the first name slot but don’t love their names enough to use them daily, this is your opportunity.

One of my favorite nicknames for boys is Gus. Augusten, August, Angus, Augustus.

Another of my favorites is Dutch, but I’m not sure what to use as a full name.

Another favorite is Wesley/Wes. Wesley McGregor; Sadie, Cleo, and Wes.

It would repeat an initial, but only in the non-nickname name: Isaac/Ike. Isaac McGregor; Sadie, Cleo, and Ike.

Do you like either Franklin/Frank or Frederick/Fred?

Finn seems like it would work well: Sadie, Cleo, and Finn. It’s a stand-alone name, but if you wanted something longer there’s Finian or Finnegan.

I love Declan/Dec. Declan McGregor; Sadie, Cleo, and Dec.

Or Deacon/Deke. Deacon McGregor; Sadie, Cleo, and Deke.

Ever since watching Sabrina the Teenage Witch, the name Harvey has had “cute cool nice boy” associations for me. I think it makes a good cute/spunky/fresh child’s name and yet grows up to a perfectly appropriate adult name. Harvey McGregor.

Totally different style, but I think it hits the same mark: Keegan is both a fresh and spirited child’s name and a perfectly appropriate adult name.

Ooo, I just remembered another favorite boy nickname: Kip. It could be short for Kipling, or for Christopher. I think with Isadora and Clementine I prefer Kipling. Kipling McGregor; Sadie, Cleo, and Kip. That’s my favorite right there, I think. [Edit: The white supremacist views of Rudyard Kipling have been brought to my attention, and I would no longer recommend this name.]

Name update! Genevieve writes:

It was a tough decision, but we went with…

Finnegan Jude McGregor.

A reader suggested using both Finnegan and Jude and it dawned on us that that was an absolutely perfect idea.

While this means that we can’t use Jude as a future son’s name, we decided that we’d rather satisfy everyone right now with this actual baby’s name and not a save Jude for a baby we may never have.

The girls are even happier than I expected when we told them their baby brother’s name is Flynn. It was absolutely adorable. And my husband can still sing Hey Jude to baby Flynn, so he’s happy, too.

Our families are a bit puzzled as to how we got Flynn from Finnegan Jude (and that’s worrying me a teeny tiny bit) but they love both names, so we’re good there.

Thanks so much, everyone. You saved the day here.

If our next baby is a boy, you’ll probably hear from us again ;)

Kathryn writes:

I am expecting my second child, a boy, in three weeks. Our last name sounds like Night. We have a daughter named Luella Grace (we call her Lulu).

During my first pregnancy, before we knew Lulu was a girl, we had short lists picked out for both sexes. This time, when we found out we were expecting a boy, we went back to our original short list. One name stood out as the clear winner, and for months we thought we were all set. We were sure that this little guy would be Gaius Christopher (Christopher is my husband’s father’s name), and we loved it. However, a few weeks ago, as I did more searches for the name Gaius, doubt began to creep into my mind. I have never heard it pronounced any other way than GUY-us. But it seemed that there were people out there who were not sure how to pronounce it, or worse, pronounced it GAY-us. Even Nameberry mentioned “the teasing potential of the first syllable.” Really??

The other names on our original short list just don’t seem right anymore, so we’re considering Caius as an alternative. The G and C are interchangeable in Latin, so it was not a question of authenticity. I think Caius is also a great name. It just doesn’t sound quite as fluid to me as Gaius does with Christopher and Night. In addition, people seem to associate it with the Twilight series, and we have some good friends who just named their son Kai, which, I’m sure Caius will readily be called, even if we don’t use it as a nickname at home.

So, my question is, do we stick to our original Gaius (still the name both my husband and I prefer), or go with Caius in hopes that it will save my son from a lifetime of “Gaylord Focker” type teasing?

 
The name Gaius is so unfamiliar (it was given to only 12 U.S. baby boys in 2010), most people have never encountered it and will have to use their experience with the language to figure out how to pronounce it. In U.S. English, “ai” has no one single pronunciation, but it’s commonly pronounced AY (as in say and day): raid, braid, aid, Kaiden, Jaiden, Adelaide, laid, maid, paid, afraid, pain, rain. And words like gain, gaiety, gaily, gait, as well as names like Gail and Abigail, reinforce the idea that the specific combination “gai” is pronounced as in “gay,” not as in “guy.”

Furthermore, in looking in my dictionary to see if I could find any gai- words pronounced with the “guy” sound, I found Gaius listed—and my dictionary (Webster’s Encyclopedic Unabridged) gives the pronunciation as GAY-us. Howjsay.com says it’s GUY-us or GAY-us. So does Merriam-Webster. In Latin, the name is pronounced like guy-oose—but this brings us to the difficulty of bringing a name from one language to another: do we call a child named Julius yoo-lee-oose (because that’s the Latin pronunciation) or JOOL-lee-us (because that’s the U.S. English)?

This issue comes up time and time again with name imports: should Catriona be like cat-tree-OWN-ah, or should it be like ca-TREEN-nah? Should Caitlin be like KATE-lin or like cat-LEEN? In general my opinion is that it’s appropriate to translate names from one language to another (either by changing the spelling to get the preferred pronunciation, or by changing the pronunciation to fit the spelling)—and that if the parents choose not to translate the name into their culture’s language, they should be prepared for / resigned to a certain Headache Quotient that comes with, for example, a lifetime of “No, it’s not KATE-lyn, it’s more like kath-LEEN. No, but it’s spelled like Caitlin, yes, we realize. No, no, not spelled Kathleen. No, this is actually the authentic pronunciation.”

Latin has its own additional complication: it’s a dead language, and the speakers of it died off before they could tell us how to pronounce it. Which means you lack the resources you’d have if you used, say, Caitlin, where you could tell people who gave you a hard time to go ask ALL OF IRELAND if they have a problem with your pronunciation. It’s especially tricky if you’re pronouncing the first half of the name with the Latin pronunciation (sounding like the word “guy”), but the second half of the name with the United States English pronunciation (-us as in bus, as opposed to in Latin where it would sound like the -oose in loose or moose).

Yes, I would switch to Caius. People will still say it KAY-us until you feel like tearing your hair out (Caiden, Cain, caiman, Michael Caine, Caitlin, Novocaine, Medicaid), but at least the mispronunciation doesn’t lead to a teasing issue. And perhaps we can think of an easy “No, it’s KI as in ____” example for you to use; if anyone can think of familiar words where “cai” is pronounced KI in English, please leave them in the comments section. (Spelling it Kaius would also help somewhat, because of the boy’s name Kai—although names like Kaiden would still lead people to mispronunciations, and your reference to authenticity makes me suspect you won’t want to change to a K.)

Another possibility is going back to the drawing board. I realize it’s late in the game for that, but your exasperation with mispronunciation is a bad sign: whichever spelling you use, you’ll have to accept a lot of it. Sometimes it’s worth a last-minute upheaval to avoid a name that will cause you continual frustration.

Or it might be enough just to be braced that the exasperation is a part of this name choice: Paul and I chose a non-typical spelling for one of our children’s names, and I think it helped tremendously that we thought to ourselves beforehand “If we use this name, we’re accepting a lifetime of spelling it Every.Single.Time.—and people will STILL get it wrong.” We thought it over, and we decided we wanted to use the name more than we minded the potential frustration. So now when it happens, we shrug: the name was worth it to us, and we understood ahead of time that it was a natural mistake for people to make.

Let’s have two polls. [Polls closed; see results below.] First: How would you think Gaius was pronounced, if you’d just seen it somewhere and hadn’t first read this post? Second: Which name should the Nights use? Gaius, their long-time favorite which goes better with the middle name and last name? or Caius, to avoid the gay-a** teasing issue? NOTE: This is not a question about which of the two names you prefer: it’s a question about whether the tease-factor of Gaius is enough to be worth giving up the favorite name for an alternative.

Name update! Kathryn writes:

Thank you for responding to my email! And thank you to all your readers for all the input. The opinions and polls were eye-opening.

Our son was born two weeks ago. We named him Dashiell Christopher “Night,” and call him Dash.

I have to confess that despite popular opinion, my husband and I were ready to stick to our guns on Gaius. But at the eleventh hour, a dark horse emerged–Dashiell. It was a name that never made it onto our short list because, ironically, we thought it was too obscure (yes, we thought everybody had heard of Gaius Julius Caesar, but that few had heard of Dashiell Hammett) and maybe too literary. You see, we are a family of writers, my mother-in-law and I write children’s fiction, my sister-in-law is a journalist, and my husband, while not a professional writer, was an English major and has also been published. Naming a kid Dashiell seemed like we’d be putting too much pressure on him. But the more we considered it, the more we liked it. In the end, I had a shockingly fast labor and delivery. And when they handed me my son, Dash just seemed to fit him perfectly. So I guess you can say we went with your “go back to the drawing board” advice. Thanks again!

Lilly writes:

I am 39.5 weeks pregnant with my second child, first boy. I have a very specific question that I hope you and your fabulous readers can help me with. Our 2-year-old daughter is named Violet Clare. We call her Violet (I pronounce it closer to 3 syllables and my husband says it with 2) or Vi. Before we found out she was a girl, we had decided to name her Philo. We both still like the name and may use it with this boy, but I can’t help but stay up at night worrying that the names sound too much alike. Vi-let. Fi-lo. Too much internal rhyme? Will this cause confusion in our house for the rest of our lives?? Am I just overthinking things?

Please help a crazy pregnant woman.

 
Philo is such an unfamiliar name for me, I found the unfamiliarity was interfering with my ability to figure out what I thought about the repeating sounds. So I substituted the name Milo. And when I say “Violet and Milo,” to ME the repeating sound is appealing: they’d make good twin names, because it’s a NOTICEABLE thing that ties them together, but doesn’t strike me as being too matchy.

But the name Philo has one more sound in common with Violet than Milo does: the Ph sound which is so similar to the V sound. Do you think you will nickname him Phi? Vi and Phi does seem like too much: like having an Edie and an Evie, as a commenter mentioned in another post. And yet—that might end up being fun, and you might end up LIKING that.

So. Er, I’m not sure that was…helpful, per se. Let’s see what the commenters think of the situation.

Name update! Lilly writes:

I was in labor on June 7th when I found out you had posted my question, which thrilled me to no end. My husband read all the responses to me while I was nursing/falling in love with our adorable new baby boy. The responses seemed to us to be pretty evenly split between “yes, do it” and “no, it’s too close” – which you wouldn’t think would be helpful at all, but it really was. Mostly it reinforced to us that the most important thing was what WE thought, because of course everyone will have different opinions on it. And so I was more convinced we shouldn’t name him Philo, and my husband was more convinced we should!

After a day of discussion and trying a few names out on the baby, I didn’t want to go to sleep another night with our baby not having a name. So we looked at each other and I said, “let’s just name him Calvin instead.” And my husband said “Ok. But I’m not ruling out Philo for any future boys.” So Calvin Von (9 lbs, 3 oz) (middle name for my husband’s recently-passed grandfather) was officially welcomed to our family! A big thank you to your and your readers for your help.

Rebecca writes:

My name is Rebecca and my husband and I are expecting our third daughter on the 23rd of June! Our girl’s names are Hadley Kate and Mia Brynn (both middles names are family names), we love both of them so much, and we want to love this babies name just as much. Oh and our last name is Campbell.

We have a long list of names, but I’m not sure that any of them are ‘the name’, probably because I love them all and can’t make a decision. I was hoping that you could either make some suggestions based on our favourites OR maybe you could try convincing us what names work the best!

The names we like are kind of all over the place, some are very feminine, some are unique, some are unisex etc. I think that is our problem!

Anyway here is our list (in no particular order). Her middle name will be Reese – unless it doesn’t flow, then her middle name will be Scarlett.

Scarlett Reese – *Probably* our favourite, both names are family names, I love it but I’m not 100% convinced.

Elise Scarlett – Doesn’t flow very well, but we love Elise.

Sage Scarlett/Reese – Either middle is okay, but I’m not loving the flow of them.

Lane Scarlett – Love Lane/Laney, but not sure it goes well with Hadley and Mia?

Jillian Reese – This is MY favourite, but can’t seem to convince the hubby. Another problem is that I want her to be ‘Jillian’ and not ‘Jill’ or ‘Jilly’.

Reese Scarlett – Also love this one, but not 100% convinced as we know a boy named Rhys.

Eden Reese – I’m not religious, but my hubby’s parents are. They have implied that they don’t like Eden at all.

Jetta Reese – My hubby LOVES Jetta, I like it too, but is it too uncommon when we have a Mia?

Elodie Reese – I think that Hadley and Elodie are too similar sounding…in a way?

Rowan Scarlett – I love Rowan, but is it too masculine?

Savannah Reese – We both like, but don’t really love.

Tatum Reese – Same as above! Also have a bit of trouble saying it with our last name.

Peyton Scarlett – I like it with Scarlett to make it more feminine…is Peyton too masculine?

Wren Scarlett – Too uncommon maybe? Too similar to Brynn (Mia’s middle name)?

Juliette Reese, with the nickname Jette

So we have an overload of names! Thanks heaps :-)

 
I think the main issue is that SOME of the names go well with the sparky and slightly boyish surname-name Hadley, and SOME of the names go well with the sweet and light and totally girlish name Mia—but it’s hard to find a name that goes with BOTH.

Peyton, for example, goes wonderfully with Hadley (I’d be hard-pressed to think of a more perfect sister pair), but I feel like then Mia’s name stands out as being too different. And Elise goes wonderfully with Mia, but I feel like then Hadley’s name stands out as being too different.

So my first choice from your list is Scarlett. It’s got sass and spirit, but it’s also got hoop skirts. It’s purely feminine, but with enough backbone to balance Hadley. It adds a completely different sound to the grouping, which helps keep things from feeling like “two of one, one of another.” And then all three girls have a 2-syllable first name and a 1-syllable middle name; that’s not important, but I admit it pleases me when that works out. Hadley Kate, Mia Brynn, and Scarlett Reese.

My second choice from your list is Laney. The name Lane is used more often for boys, which tips the name toward the Hadley end of things—but adding the Y makes it purely feminine and tips it toward Mia too. (I was thinking Delaney might work too, but then Hadley and Delaney would both have surname names and Mia would be left out.)

And my third choice from your list is Wren. Wren isn’t like Hadley and isn’t like Mia, so it gives each girl her own distinctly-styled name. The fact that they are all so different from each other ends up tying them together: the uniting theme ends up being the parents’ tastes. I’ve found this same thing happening with wall art (if I may make a slightly ODD comparison): if I just keep buying what I like without worrying about things going together, it turns out everything DOES go together.

A name that strikes me as hitting that same “three different styles” mark is Piper. Hadley, Mia, and Piper: all very different, so there’s no “2 against 1” problem. And Piper Scarlett is so great I can’t stand it.

[New: poll at right!] [Poll closed; see results below.]

Name update! Rebecca writes:

My baby girl was born on the 21st of June (sorry for taking so long to let you know), and is doing great. Hadley and Mia couldn’t be more in love with her!

Anyway, my husband and I read the post over and over again (thanks so much to you all), but we could not agree on a name. I found myself favouring Piper Scarlett, and he favoured Scarlett Reese. We ended up deciding to just wait until she was born to see what she looked like. I figured that after she was born my hubby would just give in and she would be Piper Scarlett, so I wasn’t too stressed out about it all.

As soon as I held her, I knew her name was not Piper. The doctor asked if we had a name for her and I immediately replied “Scarlett Reese”. She suits her name to a T and I (and my husband!) couldn’t be happier!

PS. Later on my husband did admit that he was going to give in and say we could name her Piper Scarlett. How funny?!

Carolyn writes:

Dear Swistle geniuses,

I am due with baby #2 on July 24, 2011 and if it is a girl, it is going to be nameless. It is going to be “Baby B Wiebe” and that is not something I would wish on anyone.

So here’s the scoop. Our surname is Wiebe, rhymes exactly with ‘dweeb’ which delights many many people. My children will grow up with ‘dweeb’ all their life and they will survive it but I certainly want to avoid any first names with equal torturing possibilities. On the flip side, Wiebe is a VERY common surname in Mennonite circles (which we are not but obviously, are related to about 7,845 Wiebes) and it is important to me that my children are not pinned with super common first names. For instance, there are a million Sarah Wiebes, I don’t want to add to the number. So for a first name I want something feminine, unusual but not too out there, and something that will not get mispronounced every day of her life.

Our first child is a girl and we named her Evanie Josephine and I love her name. It was the only girl’s name ever in the running during our pregnancy and I was so happy to be able to use it. We don’t know the gender of Baby B- if it’s a boy we’re naming him Rogan Nathanial and again, it is a name I love and can’t wait to use. So to think of having a second girl and just picking a “yeah I kinda like it” name out of a hat is very sad to me. I want to LOVE it. Maybe that’s too much to ask. The middle name of this girl will be Grace and thankfully, every first name seems to go with Grace.

One complicating factor is that we are in a rather large community of young families and the children are about 90% girls. So every lovely girl’s name has been used. (3 born in the last year went nameless for a week and a 4th had her name changed after 9 months….all of us are struggling!) Names I like that have been used are Jade or Jada, Avelyn, and Maci. Sadly those are off the list. Olivia and Vada are two other (pre-used) names I like but might consider because the families live further away and the girls are 4-10 years older than ours will be.

Our two most considered names are:
Lyla Grace …I lean more towards this one and I know there are other spellings of Lyla but I want to avoid any confusion, hubby gives it a 5 out of 10…
Autumn Grace …my husband likes this one but I’m unsure. Is it weird to name a July baby Autumn?

Lyla seems feminine and fairly unusual and I think goes well with Evanie. I don’t see any terrible nicknames coming from it although my husband wonders if she’ll be “Lyla the Liar.” I’m super on the fence about Autumn, I think it’s pretty but it seems older and more serious. I can imagine a grown woman Autumn but not a baby or toddler Autumn.

Other names that have been ‘chewed on’ are Vienna (which is basically Evanie scrambled), Rylan, and Luci.

So there you have it, top names:
Lyla
Autumn

Possible competitors:
Vada
Olivia
Vienna
Rylan
Luci

Oh, and I love Halle but it gets the big N-O from my husband!:(

I have no problem with you publishing my whole email but seeing as it is about 1000 words, you may not want to!:)

-Carolyn (usually pronounced Caroline) Wiebe (always changed to Dweeb)

and

I’m writing to update on a name that has recently joined the running in our giant name debate for baby Wiebe #2. My husband suggested Marlowe Grace. I think I could really like it but does it work with our first, Evanie Josephine?

and

And it’s me again.
I lay awake at night fretting about names and it doesn’t seem to be getting me anywhere. Here’s another name with more questions. Is Eden Grace all sorts of wrong with Evanie Josephine as a big sister? Do I pin myself to the dreadful Duggar Syndrome? We would like more children but have no set number of how many, so if we only have 3 and the third one DOESN’T start with an E…is that terrible? Because there is no way I would stick with the “E’s.” I am most firmly against this! Evanie J. also carries 6 syllables while Eden G. has only 3. And the style of the two names is fairly different from each other. ….I don’t see them working together, I just know I actually like the name Eden Grace and I’m getting desperate.
Also, Vada, Rylan, and Lyla from my first email are out.
I think.
Ohmygoodnessshootmenow.

 
I was happy when your first email came in the same day we did Baby Naming Issue: Month/Zodiac/Season Names, because I thought, “Ooo, we’ll be answering her question at the same time!” It looks like the general consensus was that we as a group DON’T think it’s weird to have the name not match up with the season: some of us prefer it to and some of us prefer it not to, but most of us could go either way on it with names that are already widely used as names: that is, we might feel differently if you were considering the name Spring—but Autumn is already established as A Name (just out of curiosity, I looked it up: 11 new baby girls named Spring in 2010) (3,476 new baby girls named Autumn).

On the subject of repeating initials, I think IN GENERAL people can give the first two children the same initial and not the third, without anyone thinking anything of it. I think the third child tips it: if THREE children have the same initial, you’re committed. (I mean, not REALLY. But the PRESSURE builds to a point where it feels like you’re committed.)

I do think Marlowe would work. It’s more of a rich sound to Evanie’s light sound—but I still think it would work. I wonder if Harper would be somewhere in between? Or Piper? Or Marley, I think, would lighten it. Marlie might be even better.

I think Evanie and Lainey would be pretty together—though they duplicate so many letters (as well as the -nee ending), I wonder if they’d be hard to tell apart. Maybe Delaney instead? That gives you an extra syllable, too. Delaney Grace; Evanie and Delaney.

Evanie and Kiley would be pretty too. Kiley Grace.

Or Keelin: Keelin Grace; Evanie and Keelin.

Ooo, Madigan, maybe? It’s lighter than Marlow, and I love it with Evanie: Evanie and Madigan; Madigan Grace. But if you want to use Rogan in the future, you might not want two -gan endings.

Instead of Olivia, would you like Livia? I’m on the fence with this name because it seems like it might be constantly mistaken for Olivia—but if it isn’t, it’s a way to give you a name similar to Olivia without duplicating a friend’s choice. Livia Grace; Evanie and Livia.

Or for something a little longer, Liviana. Liviana Grace; Evanie and Liviana.

Or to widen the gap in the sounds of the names, Lilianna. Lilianna Grace; Evanie and Lilianna.

Or Iliana. Iliana Grace; Evanie and Iliana.

Or Eriana: Eriana Grace; Evanie and Eriana.

Or a little bit like Rylan: Ryanna. Ryanna Grace; Evanie and Ryanna.

Instead of Vada, would you like Vayla? Vayla Grace; Evanie and Vayla.

Erissa would be pretty: Erissa Grace; Evanie and Erissa. (It could be spelled Arissa to avoid the initial E, but I so prefer it with the E.)

If you like Eden, I wonder if you’d like Haven? Haven Grace; Evanie and Haven. The styles are a little different, but the van/ven sounds help tie them together.

Or Emerin? Emerin Grace; Evanie and Emerin.

Out of left field: Flannery. Flannery Grace; Evanie and Flannery.

Hm. I am finding this one difficult to match. Geniuses, over to you.

Name update! Carolyn writes:

In May I sent you our naming dilemma for baby Wiebe of unknown gender, due July 24.

She arrived July 17 with lightening speed and we named her Marlowe Grace. Though we had finally settled on this name a few weeks before her birth, I still had just a hint of uncertainty. But when we put the name to this tiny little face, it fit and I can’t imagine her by any other.

Thank you for your help.