Tasha writes:

I am at a loss for boy names! I am due with our second son on November 21st. By then, my oldest son-Uriah, will be 2 years and 2months old. My problems with baby names are not only with getting my husband to agree, but some feuding with my family as well. Let me explain;

My ABSOLUTE first pick for a boy was Ezra. LOVE IT! Husband says it is a “heck no, never gonna happen!” :( There are others he has vetoed as well, such as Jasper, Tobias, Titus. We played around with the idea of Simon, but I’m not in love with it.

Here is the big kicker. The one name we both love and agree on is Jude. Love it. HOWEVER…..my sister, who is single and 6 years younger than me, has proclaimed “dibs” on this name. She has informed me if I named my child Jude, she will never forgive me, and will always call him Darrel. Very vindictive. So- it would be a family feud in the making if we chose Jude.

I guess the best way to describe my naming style would be- old time feeling, but not plain by any means. I know that every name we have listed is a bible name, but that is not necessarily a pre-requisite. Also, not that it is necessary, but it is an added bonus when the name has a significant meaning. (Uriah-God is my light. Ezra-strong.) But then, before we knew if it was a boy or girl, the front runner for a girl was Paisley Grace, which completly contradicts the prior sentence as Paisley is both modern and has no real meaning. Other girl names we liked were Willow, Penelope, husband loves Annabelle-not for me.

I have also found the name Oliver to be endearing, but I find it is being overly used. Any suggestions/advice? I am so upset with my sister (and Mom for siding with her) that I have completly stopped discussing baby issues with them, as it makes me angry every time. Please help me with some guidance:)

I am upset with your sister and mother, too. Unless there is more to this story, this is not fair play. There is no reason not to have two cousins named Jude, even if your sister were currently pregnant with a boy. But since she may never have children, or may never have a boy, or may have changed her mind about the name by then, or may find that the hypothetical other parent of her hypothetical future hypothetical son doesn’t like the name, or the name Jude might be a terrible clash with the surname she chooses to give the child, or…well, as I said, I am upset with her too.

The trouble is that in these situations, it’s not going to help even if we all agree that you are right and she is wrong: she will continue to believe herself to be right, and she has your mother’s support, and some things are not worth the horrible effects it would have to use the name when there are two key family members who would believe you were in the wrong to do so—however unfair this is (and it IS). And this is the reality of the situation, and that’s all that we can work with—however satisfying it would be to talk about what the reality of the situation SHOULD be. And so I will take a deep breath, and I will turn my mind to the issue at hand, which is to find you a name that is neither Jude nor Ezra but something similar.

First possibility: Conrad. Strong, old-fashioned. Meanings are always a little difficult to determine, but The Oxford Dictionary of First Names says it means “bold counsel.” Conrad McArthur; Uriah and Conrad.

Ezekiel is so close to Ezra, I suspect your husband won’t like it any better. (It’s really too bad he doesn’t like Ezra: I think it’s great with Uriah.) But it’s worth a shot, and the nickname Zeke shares some of the attitude of Jude. Ezekiel McArthur; Uriah and Ezekiel.

Cyrus McArthur; Uriah and Cyrus. I like the repeating long-I sound of the two first names.

Gabriel catches my attention because I associate the nickname Gabe with the coolness of the nickname Jude. Gabriel McArthur; Uriah and Gabe.

I think the name Gideon is sorely underused. I think The Baby Name Wizard is right when she says the main problem is the lack of good nicknames. I still think it’s great—and it’s in the same boat with Uriah. Gideon McArthur; Uriah and Gideon.

If Simon was not quite right, I suggest Silas. Silas McArthur; Uriah and Silas.

Elias would work, too. Elias McArthur; Uriah and Elias.

Cedric McArthur; Uriah and Cedric.

Hugo has the U sound from Jude, and the added cool of the -o ending. Hugo McArthur; Uriah and Hugo.

Even more in the Jude direction is Cade. Cade McArthur; Uriah and Cade.

Or I like Wade. Wade McArthur; Uriah and Wade.

I also like Everett. Everett McArthur; Uriah and Everett.

Jonas. Jonas McArthur; Uriah and Jonas.

Name update! Tasha writes:

First of all- THANKS! for everyones support and suggestions! Since I wrote swistle, my sister has come around (yay) and given “permission” for me to use Jude! We are now under the debate about middle names. After reading all the suggestions, we are considering Gideon or Simon for a middle name. I had tried to get Ezra as the middle name, but didn’t like that fact that he would be Jude E. McArthur. (Judy) Besides….maybe there will be a third boy, and I would rather save Ezra for that :)

Sarah writes:

Our second baby girl is due on October 10. She will join big sister Ella Catherine who will be almost 3. My name is Sarah Catherine and husbands name is Ian Tyler. Our last name is Dougherty (we say it quickly “like Dorty”). Our dilemma has been many of the names that we like end with e or ie or y and and can sound too eee-eee combined with Dougherty. We prefer short first names because we have a long last name. If it had been a boy, the top contender would have been Owen. We may possibly have a third child. We want something simple and short but not too popular that you hear it everywhere.

Names that have been on my list:
Aubrey (Aubrey Dougherty sounds redundant to me)
Nora – husband doesn’t love it
Hadley
Hallie – newly found and like
my sister in law recommended Ava which I love the idea of combined with Ella but we just know entirely too many Ava’s.
My husband’s list:
Annie – not my favorite
Maggie (again both with the eee-eee)

Ann is a possibility for a middle name as it is my mothers middle name but not set in stone.

 
That IS a tricky surname to work with. Trying out each first name on the list with the Dorty pronunciation, Nora Dorty immediately catches my ear as a tongue-twisting problem. And you’re right about the repeating -ee endings: Aubrey Dorty, Hadley Dorty, and Hallie Dorty all have it, and it bothers my ear too.

So. Er. I seem to have blown right through your list. Ava is great, though: no repeating sounds with the surname. I think that’s the sort of direction to go, even if Ava itself is too common in your circle: -a endings instead of -ee, keeping an eye out for R and D and -or- sounds that may or may not be problems depending on the name.

If you don’t mind repeating the first initial, Eva is very similar to Ava. Eva Dougherty; Ella and Eva.

If your husband likes Annie, would you like Anna? He could call her Annie. Anna Dougherty; Ella and Anna.

Or Hannah? It has some of the sound of Hadley/Hallie, but without the -ee ending, and with a popularity more in line with the name Ella. Hannah Dougherty; Ella and Hannah.

Grace Dougherty would be pretty, if you don’t mind the G.D. initials. Ella and Grace.

Or Claire. Boy, there are a lot of names that have meaningful initials with a D. surname! C.D. is at least nothing negative. Claire Dougherty; Ella and Claire.

Or Clara (C.D. again). Clara Dougherty; Ella and Clara.

Abigail has some of the sound of Aubrey; it has the -ee sound in the nickname but not in the full name. Abigail Dougherty; Ella and Abby.

Or I think Miriam is so underused, and is very pretty with your surname. Meaningful initials, but not a negative one. Miriam Dougherty; Ella and Miriam.

If Miriam is too long, Mira might be perfect (M.D. again). Mira Dougherty; Ella and Mira.

That makes me think of Iris, which would also be gorgeous if you don’t mind the I.D. initials. Iris Dougherty; Ella and Iris.

Tessa Dougherty; Ella and Tessa.

Rose Dougherty; Ella and Rose.

Kyra Dougherty; Ella and Kyra.

Cleo Dougherty (C.D. again); Ella and Cleo.

Cecile Dougherty (C.D. again); Ella and Cecile.

Kate Dougherty; Ella and Kate.

Name update! Sarah writes:

Thank you Swistle and your readers for all the advice on naming our baby girl. Hallie Ann arrived on September 26. We finally decided to go against our original rule of not using a name that ended in an EE sound because of our last name. Swistle’s advice on staying away from names with a strong R or D sound in the name was great advice and we realized that Hallie along with our last name sounded just fine to us and we love how the name goes along with big Sister Ella’s name. Thanks again for answering my letter, Hallie’s photo is attached.

Guinevere writes:

I’m excited to be able to write to you because we are name enthusiasts and have been talking about our future children’s names for the past decade, with shockingly little spousal disagreement, so I never thought we’d be in a position have a Baby Naming Crisis.

But, it turns out we DO have a naming dilemma, recently created by the News Corp Scandal. (Story in a nutshell: the company of Rupert Murdoch and son James Murdoch has been involved in a whole lot of illegal phone hacking and then the usual cover-up, leading to the cancellation of a major tabloid and a publication of an apology in every British newspaper.) We’re in the US, but it seems potentially likely that there will be upcoming legal action on our side of the pond coming up as well.

The issue is that the name we’d picked out for our second boy (due in October, so not just hypothetical) is Rupert James, containing BOTH of the names of the Murdochs associated with this scandal. Rupert has long been one of the Spouse’s most favorite names, to which I’ve been won over by many years of mulling over and then the reading of lots of Jilly Cooper. James is a family name from her side (we feel it’s important to honor her side of the family this time because they don’t have any genetic connection to this pregnancy).

We’d like to know what broad consensus is on two questions:
1.) Whether the scandal is so high profile for the average person (especially Americans) that using the name Rupert is currently inadvisable.
2.) If Rupert is still usable, whether its combination with James would push the combination over into “not such a good idea” category.

On the first, we’re tending towards just using Rupert anyway. Though the name has not been shared with anyone yet, it really has felt like the name for this baby for a very long time and we recently bought letters for decorating the nursery (granted, a $8 investment at the craft store, but still symbolic). There are a lot of other associations for Rupert, including the Harry Potter movie press flurry following the release of the last movie, but we are curious to see if this is a much bigger deal for other people, so we can make an informed choice. We do suspect that the grandparents will do a bit of pearl clutching and “Oh, REALLY, like the News Corp Scandal!!?!”, but they won’t get the name until it’s presented to them alongside a cute baby, and I think the cute grandchild will then be their primary association for the name from that moment forward.

But, in the event that the first and middle combination might be a bit too much in light of the current events, we’re now rethinking the middle name choices.

Our general naming style is pretty well summed up by first names at home in a Masterpiece Theater production, paired with more currently fashionable middle names honoring family members. We prefer there to be a bit of first/middle name contrast, both for stylistic reasons and to make sure that there is a less controversial/distinctive name choice available to our child if they want to blend in more. In this case that’s especially important since Rupert doesn’t yield many nickname options. Son #1 is named an old variant of Julian popularized by the Forsyte Saga, with the middle name Max. (We’d prefer that Son #1’s first name not be directly mentioned because it is super-googleable.) We plan to have another two children (or possibly three) after this, and we’re pretty well set with sibling names, since we’ve been talking about names for a good ten years now.

Middle name choices for Rupert drawn from the spouse’s family tree, once we’ve weeded out all the awesome A-names that would make initials spell RAG:

* James, which we thought we’d settled on as being both very fresh feeling and a family name, that would provide RJ as a nickname as well as James and all its derivatives if Rupert ever proved unsuitable.
* George, which we both love! The Spouse thinks of Rupert as very British rather than fusty, and George as a former American standard that’s outdated to the point of being picked up by hipsters soon… so while they’re both currently at a nadir in their popularity curves, they don’t have a similar feel to her. However, I’m unsure whether George is too similar in feel to Rupert.
o We have eliminated Ernest and Maurice on the grounds that they would not be providing our son with a good alternate name to go by if he wants a non-fusty, non-British-feeling name at any point in his life. These names just seem too much paired with Rupert, so ruled out despite the very positive nature of the namesakes. I’m worried that George might be the same, though to a lesser extent.
* Michael, a name we aren’t that keen on by itself, but which certainly provides a safe alternative and contrast with Rupert. However, it’s likely to stir up drama because the grandfather it’s honoring is currently undergoing a not-so-amicable divorce, and choosing that name right now is likely to make the grandmother being divorced feel angry and betrayed… sort of undoing the whole intent of “promoting family bonding” in picking a middle name from the Spouse’s side in the first place. So, I think this one may be off the table for reasons of family current events rather than national ones.

If we were opening the discussion to names from my side of the family (still thinking about this), we would add Henry, which we both adore. It is very popular locally and therefore more of an established Antique Revival than the Daring Outmoded Choice it might still be in other parts of the country.

We’d be tremendously grateful to hear any insights from you and commentators, but would especially welcome a poll to collect a large sample size of data about the usability of Rupert and Rupert James in light of the News Corp Scandal. A middle-name-off between James/George/Michael/Henry would be a happy perk but not as essential.

Many many thanks!

 
I read the question, thought about it for a week, and then read it carefully again to make sure, but my opinion has stayed steady throughout: I think Rupert James is still completely usable, and also that it seems pretty clearly the best choice for this baby. I had heard of the scandal, but the association still didn’t spring to mind: I think first of Rupert Everett, then of Rupert Grint, then of Rupert Friend. The name James seems almost neutral to me: I didn’t think of James Murdoch even after having Rupert Murdoch called to mind.

BUT! You and I are in agreement that what is needed here is a poll. I can say all day long that it doesn’t rule it out for ME, but what we need is a large SAMPLE of opinions. Let’s have a poll over to the right! [Poll closed; see results below.]

And also, if you do decide to rule it out, I think Rupert George is wonderful.

[Sigh. Did I put “News Crop” instead of “News Corp” in the poll? Yes. Is it now unfixable without ruining the poll and starting over? Yes. So do we just all have to pretend I did NOT make that mistake? PLEASE DO.]

Name update! Guinevere writes:

I went into labor on my due date and two days later we welcomed Rupert James! I’d like to thank you and your readership again for being so very, very helpful in the naming of our wee fellow, who turned out not to be so wee after all (10 pounds, 10 ounces and 22 inches). We’re finally home after a fortnight at the hospital, and during that time a steady stream of neonatologists and nurses all expressed very positive reactions to the name, as did our families. We continued to dither about the middle name until the very end of labor, but when he was born and looked not at all like a wrinkly disapproving old man we felt very much justified in having a Rupert James and not a Rupert George. We appreciate so very very much that you all provided us with high quality thoughtful comments and a large statistically significant survey so we could make a fully informed decision!

Picture attached!

Erin writes:

I’m due December 3 with our first baby (and the first grandbaby on either side). We just found out it’s a girl and are super excited. Unfortunately, the mister told his parents what our front runners for girl names were and his parents, well, they registered an opinion. A negative one. My response was (as it normally is), “screw them and the horse they rode in on,” but my husband is a little more worried about offending his parents.

Our last name sounds like Foreman and we’re settled on the middle name Rose. Our two front-runners for girl’s names were Evelyn and Sophia. Evelyn was my favorite, with the nickname of Evie, and Sophia was the mister’s.

My husband has vetoed Ava and Eva. We’ve nixed Christine, Katherine, Caitlyn, Annabelle, and all their variations for family reasons. Emma is out as my best friend just took that name for her girl. We both like Elizabeth, but fear it’s too common. I think the first name should be at least two syllables and I love very feminine sounding names. We both like old-fashioned/traditional names. Help?

If it’s of any interest, my first choice for a boy was Bennett James and my husband’s first choice for a boy was Wyatt James.

Thank you for any assistance you can offer!

I am right on the line when it comes to the importance of family approval of a name. On one hand: they had their turn to name babies, and this is your turn; it’s your choice and you should choose the name you love; they will likely come around to it and then not be able to believe they ever objected.

And on the other hand, it’s nice to have the people you’re close to love the baby’s name, and it’s nice for them to like the name of someone they’re going to be close to. It also seems reasonable for people who love each other (either actually or theoretically) to keep strong dislikes in mind: to avoid names of exes and family black sheep, to give a little warning if they’re going to use a name known to be disliked.

In this case, though…they hate Evelyn and Sophia? Did they…give a reason? Because there is nothing immediately obvious to me about those names that would cause the in-laws to have veto power. Unless there’s more to this story (such as that Evelyn is the name of your father-in-law’s first wife, or something of that sort), I can’t see any reason that using either of those names would OFFEND your in-laws. I understand your husband’s feelings, but in this case I am more inclined to side with the “and the horse they rode in on” point of view. It might help your husband if he considers what it is he wants to do here. Does he want to present his parents with all the names the two of you are considering for your child, until they choose the one they like best?

I am going to assume that the reason your in-laws don’t like those names is that Evelyn and Sophia are names being used for this current generation of babies. It could be that I’m way off in this assumption, but in that case this paragraph will still apply to other situations where this is the problem—because it is such a CLASSIC problem. The current generation of new grandparents CLASSICALLY thinks that the current generation of new parents likes “weird” or “old” or “made-up” names. My grandparents had never HEARD of the weird name Kristen before. My parents wince a little (though they do it politely/understandingly: they are familiar with the way this baby-naming thing goes) at names like Henry and Oliver. We will likely be the same way about the names our children want to name our grandchildren (“Shirley for a girl or Howard for a boy? That’s…interesting!”). It is the cycle of baby-naming: each group of names seems totally normal/fresh to the generation using them, and quite weird/dated to previous generations.

IF this is what’s going on in your situation, I am solidly on the side of ignoring their input. If the two frontrunners have already been ruined, I understand; in that case, I suggest choosing new names, but seeing if your husband will agree not to ruin the new ones as well by telling them to his parents before the baby is born and named.

I don’t think the name Elizabeth is too common. My children have, so far, been in 17 classes of preschool/school, and there has been one classmate named Elizabeth. The name was #12 in 2010, but the name Sophia was #2. (Source: Social Security Administration.) If you want something similar but less common, one of my favorite variations is Eliza—dramatically underused at #240 in 2010. Eliza Rose Foreman. Love.

I wonder if you’d like Amelia? Amelia Rose Foreman. (I wouldn’t recommend it if your surname initial is actually F, though, because of the initials ARF.)

Clara is such a pretty old/traditional name. Clara Rose Foreman.

Or Claudia, I think, has some of the sound of Sophia. Claudia Rose Foreman.

Lillian is somewhat similar to Evelyn. Lillian Rose Foreman. The two flowers of Lily Rose could be a plus or a minus.

Name update! Erin writes:

While Evelyn, Sophia, and Eliza (love) were on our short list when I went into labor, poor baby girl remained nameless for two days in the hospital, since none of those names felt right. As the time for checkout neared and we cast about for other names, one of the names from the comments, Caroline, stuck out.

Caroline Rose.

While I sort of regret not naming her one of our other names, just to irritate my in-laws, I love love love the name we ended up with.

Thank you so much for your help!