Laura writes:

I have been a regular reader of your blog since I became pregnant with my second child, a girl. I am now 38 weeks along, and a wrench of indeterminate size has been thrown into our baby-naming process.

Background: At least five years ago, my husband and I fell in love with the name Sophie, were we ever to have a daughter. It is the only girl’s name we have ever agreed on. It would have been our 3 yo son Liam’s name if he’d been a girl, without question or hesitation. We like the meaning of the name, and far prefer it to the more popular Sophia, and we think it works nicely as a sib-set with Liam, whose middle name is Asher (our last name sounds like cah-NOOD-son). With this pregnancy I have been considering alternatives, because for some reason I’ve become bored with Sophie. It feels faded to me, like a shade of paint that I don’t love, but now it’s too late and too much work to repaint the room (or something like that.) I considered and liked Alma, Ada, Adelaide, Stella, and Eliza – a derivative of my own middle name, Elizabeth, and also the name of many of my ancestors. My husband only likes Alma from this list (for awhile we had decided on the first/middle Sophie Alma – but that eventually seemed just too old-lady for me and, I thought, not a good match for the more modern-sounding Liam Asher). My husband likes Sierra and Gabriella, neither of which I really like. Just last week it seems, we finally settled once again on Sophie for a first name and my own last name for her middle name (rhymes with Pam). “Settled” being a good word for it….

Wrench: last weekend, my mom – in her mid-60s – announced that she is getting remarried (she and my dad divorced about 1 year ago after a long, long separation). The man she is marrying, whom we have all known for a long time, has a grown-up niece he is extremely close to – named Sophie. He thinks of her like his daughter. While it is unlikely we will interact with his Sophie very much, since she lives across the country, I feel like somehow naming my daughter Sophie is a tribute to him, which is NOT the message I want to send to her or to my dad or to anyone in our family. And even though we have been secretive about our baby name choice, out of the blue my mom suggested Sophie to me a few months ago – which makes me even further not want to use it. Since absolutely nobody saw a marriage proposal coming, including, I think, my mom – I didn’t have to consider this before. Now I feel like just when I had come around to choosing Sophie again, there is a strong reason not to use it. Even my husband said today, “Do you still like the name Eliza for a first name? I guess I could get used to that…”. We have less than 3 weeks before our baby is born. Help! What suggestions do you have for naming our little girl?

Thank you SO much

It’s hard to give up a name you’ve been committed to for so long and start the selection process all over again—but if you were feeling bored with the name, this engagement might be exactly the merciful kick needed to let you start fresh. I definitely don’t think you NEED to start over: I think we could find ways for you to make it clear that this was not a tribute (“Yes, what a funny coincidence! We’ve had this name picked out for years—since way before Liam!”)—but if the problems with the name Sophie have piled up too high now, we are ready to roll up our sleeves and find something new.

I think Eliza is so wonderful, I almost want to leave my sleeves where they are. It’s perfect with Liam. It’s perfect with the middle name. I love the family-name connection. It’s one of my own favorite names: I love how flexible it is, working well for sassy girls or shy girls or smartypants girls or sunshiney girls or goth girls.

Another place to look is other names with the same meaning as Sophie (I’m using the “Intelligence & Wisdom” section of Baby Names Made Easy: The Complete Reverse-Dictionary of Baby Names). Minerva is one of my favorites, and I see Alma on the list. I’m not sure if Liam and Alma share too many letters/sounds—or if that’s the very thing that makes them work together.

Or we can see if we can find something between your list and your husband’s list. You like Stella and he likes Gabriella, so Ella might be a possibility. Liam and Ella.

Or I wonder if you’d like Annabel: it has the -el sound and some of the frilliness of Gabriella, but with Anna to fit it more with Ada and Eliza. Liam and Annabel. I love that almost as much as Eliza.

Or Fiona. Liam and Fiona. Both have a Celtic style and that same I-sound, and the “fee” sound in Fiona is reminiscent of the “fee” sound in Sophie.

Or Isla, or Iris. These remind me a little of Alma, but more current.

I know a sibling set named Liam and Nora and I think it sounds really good together. Very similar styles without seeming over-matched.

Starting with Sierra, but trying to bring it closer to your style: Sabrina. Liam and Sabrina.

Or Clara. Liam and Clara.

Or Cecily. Liam and Cecily.

Starting with Gabriella, but trying to bring it closer to your style: Genevieve. Liam and Genevieve. Evie for short: Liam and Evie.

Or I love Eva anyway, but especially with Liam: Liam and Eva.

Name update! Laura writes:

Hi Swistle – thank you so much for your help and your readers’ advice. Triangulating among many wonderful suggestions (Eliza, Cecily, Sierra, Stella, Ella, Gabriella, Annabel, and Eva, to name a few), our daughter Ellery Sophia “Pam” “Cahnoodson” was born November 18. The name Ellery came to me in a dream when I was first pregnant. I mentioned it to my husband at the time and he was like, what kind of name is that?! I discounted it totally, but mentioned it again when I was 40 wks pregnant and he suddenly liked it for being unique and having a cool meaning, “grove of alder trees”. We kept going back and forth between Ellery and Sophie, Ellery and Sophie, asking a bunch of close friends what they thought, and trying to discern a middle name. Intellectually I had finally settled upon Sophie, but within moments of meeting her, I knew that wasn’t her name! It just didn’t fit! I was in disbelief that meeting the baby would really help us choose, but now I would seriously urge anyone who can’t decide on a name to hold on to the choices, and see what the baby looks like before picking one. It was suddenly so clear…I proposed Ellery Sophia to my husband within 5 minutes of delivery. (I don’t know why, but previously it hadn’t occurred to me we could keep both names if we went with Sophia; Ellery Sophie being too rhymy). Although we didn’t really want to give her four names, we just could not let go of any of them. 24 hours later we shared her name with the world. She is a beautiful and happy girl, and big brother Liam just wants to give her kisses all the time. Her unofficial nickname in the house is “little Elle” and Liam is “big L”. Thanks again!

Erica writes:

We are pregnant with our 2nd baby on February 13, 2012 – a GIRL, and we are so excited! We live in Portland, Oregon, and we have a 22 month old boy, Parker Griffin Heintz, and this will complete our little family. Now, when I tell you that coming up with Parker’s name was difficult, that will be an understatement. It took MONTHS. I had lots and lots of names that I loved. Logan, Henry, Oliver, Harrison, Jackson, Quentin, the list goes on.

The problem is that my husband (Jordan Gabriel) is a 5th grade teacher. And as a teacher, he has had hundreds of students pass through his classroom, and now associates certain names with certain traits (both positive and negative) that take that name off of the list. He is also extremely sensitive to tease-able names and nicknames. I was given two family names (Erica Joycelyn) after my dad (Eric John), and we’re determined to stay away from family names due to having two sets of divorced/remarried parents and just too many toes to step on there.

We also both agree that we like names that have a positive meaning, and even more so if they are related to nature and/or an actual concrete “thing” that we can put on stationary, stuff like that. So, you see, when I hit on Parker (protector of parks) Griffin (awesome mythical creature), it was perfect. Match that with the fact that miraculously, he had not yet had a Parker in his class… and we have the coolest boy name ever. Whew.

Now we are trying to name our little girl. And so far, things are a little bumpy. We have two names that are close, but something about both of them just isn’t quite right for me (husband really likes both of them, but is open to new suggestions). I have exhausted “Beyond Jennifer, Jason, Madison and Montana”, the Baby Name Finder on babycenter, and just about every other source. We want something a little unusual (also, this helps when trying to avoid the “classroom conundrum” as I call it). The two names we’re looking at:

Claire Finley Heintz
Hadley Grace Heintz

Things I LIKE about them: Finley means sunbeam, and I really love that. I also really like the sound of the “ley” at the end of a name. Hadley starts with an “H” which is something I love love love with our last name (one of my favorite potential names for a boy was Henry Heintz. How CUTE is that??). Grace is just beautiful and I think it is a nice traditional balance with the less common Hadley. I also like that it starts with a “G” like Gabriel (husband’s middle name) and Griffin (Parker’s middle name). Claire is such a pretty name, and I’ve always really liked it.

Things that are holding me back on choosing either of them: Claire seems so serious to me. I don’t know why, it just does. Maybe its the single syllable. I think I’m wanting something a little more sing-songy and I don’t know how else to put it, but friendly. Hadley I really like, but its almost not feminine enough. But its close. So close. And maybe in the end that is what we’ll go with, but there is just something niggling at me that its just not HER name.

So, maybe it will help to know what the other names on our list have been:
Caroline (husband thinks its too formal)
Ellie (husband thinks its too silly)
Lily (name of the daughter of one of his coworkers)
Daphne (no specific objections, he just doesn’t love it)
Piper (this one is his, and I just can’t get on board with it. I think of bagpipers)
Hillary (we both really like this, but feel like its a little too political)
Hailey (this one is close to being a contender)
Elena (husband thinks it sounds too Eastern European, and since we’re not, he thinks it sounds phony)
Maya (see issue with Elena. Same kind of thing)

I just want to find that name that just “clicks” the way that Parker Griffin did. I just have this feeling that we’re so close, but there is something we’re not thinking of. I know you get tons and tons of emails, and I will just cross my fingers that maybe you have some great ideas for us!

Thank you so much!

Name update! Erica writes:

I know this is WAY late, but I wanted to send in my baby name update!  Our sweet girl was born February 18, and we chose to name her Piper Grace.  She is almost 5 months old now, and she is so much fun. We settled on Piper late in the game, after determining that her in-utero energy just wasn’t fitting with Claire or Hadley.  She is such a Piper – the name fits her just perfectly – she is full of smiles and energy and she never ever stops moving.

Thank you so much for your help!

Holly writes:

My husband and I are expecting our second baby, a girl. She is due on the 31st of October, but as her older sister was two weeks early, I have a feeling she will be early too. Our first daughters name is Sophia Catherine. Catherine is my mums middle name, and I love that Sophia shares that with her. We sometimes call her Sophie-Kate, which I absolutely love!

We have decided that baby girl #2 will definitely be Grace, with Gracie as an occasional nickname. However we cannot decide on a middle name. We have searched high and low for a family name to use, but really don’t like any. The only family name we would consider using is McKinley, but I’m not too sure about it. I worry that Grace will be jealous that Sophia got a feminine middle name that we love, and she got a more masculine middle name that we are only okay with.

We have ten middle names we like, but we like them all and can’t decide which is our favourite!
In no particular order, they are:
Grace McKinley
Grace Adelaide
Grace Juliana
Grace Alaina
Grace Matilda
Grace Lillian
Grace Imogen
Grace Alexandra
Grace Amelia
Grace Louisa (I thought she could be Gracie-Lou, but is it tacky or cute to have Sophie-Kate and Gracie-Lou?)

I should also mention that our last name is Camden, and we are not too fussed on how well the middle name flows with it. For example Catherine Camden sounds a bit funny, but we love Catherine so it doesn’t bother us. Also I have worried that if we don’t use McKinley as Grace’s middle name, she will be upset that we didn’t use a family name. However I have decided that if she does complain I will just let her know that we didn’t use a family name as we wanted to use a name we loved.

I was hoping that you, Swistle, would be able to create a poll with these names. I am also curious to see which middle name stands out to you.

Thanks :-)

 
You have a long list there, so what I’d suggest first is seeing if you can eliminate some least-favorites. Paul and I once narrowed down a too-long list by having each of us go through and rank each name. Any that were tied could have the same rank, like this:

Henry 1
Milo 1
Elliot 2
Leo 2
Charlie 3
Alan 4
Daniel 4

Held up next to each other, two lists like that can show you that, for example, both of you have the same several names in the #1 slot so you can start focusing on those, or that there are several names in the lowest slot that can probably be eliminated as not having any chance of trumping the higher-ranked names. (It can also show you if you’re nearly opposite and need to consider a mid-ranked name as a compromise.)

In the meantime, I will go into the thicket with my machete on the Highly Opinionated setting, to see if I can quickly take it down to my own favorite.

Grace McKinley immediately stands out to me: I think it’s gorgeous and striking. BUT: the important thing here is that YOU’RE not finding it gorgeous and striking. It sounds to me like you’re hoping for a family name but that your main priority is finding something feminine that you love—and I vote for going with that. It’s common for a firstborn to get a family name and for the siblings not to. (Or would you want to use your own name? Grace Holly Camden is so pretty.) And for all we know, the fight could end up being that Sophia is jealous because she got a grandma middle name and Grace got the cool middle name, or whatever.

Grace Louisa also stands out to me, and I’m in favor of the Sophie-Kate and Gracie-Lou idea.

If it were me, I would probably take out Grace Adelaide because of the way they run together in a “saddle” sound. The other vowel-beginning middle names give me that run-together problem, too. Normally I’d mention too that first and middle names are not often said together—but since you DO say your first daughter’s first and middle together often, I think you might do so with your second as well.

And I’d take out Grace Juliana and Grace Lillian for some reason I can’t put a finger on.

I said I was taking McKinley out, but I’m putting it back in. I really love family names, and Grace-McKin or Gracie-Lee might be super cute as nicknames. But again, this is just my OWN list, and yours might look quite different when you use your own machete.

So my narrowed-down list would look like this:

Grace McKinley Camden
Grace Matilda Camden
Grace Louisa Camden

I like all of those approximately equally in their full forms, but I’d vote for Grace Louisa for the sake of the Gracie-Lou nickname (and because even though it’s my own list, I’m remembering your tepid feelings about McKinley). Sophia Catherine and Grace Louisa; Sophie-Kate and Gracie-Lou.

Let’s have a poll over to the right to see everyone else’s favorites (it’ll only let you vote for one, but feel free to make expanded lists in the comments section). [Poll closed; see results below.]

Name update! Holly writes:

Our beautiful healthy girl arrived on the 25th of October. We decided to name her Grace McKinley. Big sister Sophia is in love with her, and calls her “Gacie-Kins” (Gracie-Kins) all of the time!

Thank you to Swistle and all of the readers who helped convince us to use McKinley.

E. writes:

I am currently pregnant with a girl, due this winter. My husband and I have always loved the name Maisie, and I was pleased to learn it’s a nickname for Margaret, the name of a beloved family member. My problem? Our last name is Atwood, so she would share a name with the well-known author, Margaret Atwood. We do plan on calling her Maisie, so the obvious solution would be to just name her Maisie and be done with it. But I do like the idea of naming her after a family member, and I also worry that Maisie is too whimsical as a “real name”, and she wouldn’t have something more formal to fall back on when she becomes a Supreme Court justice (ahem). I have always gone by a nickname for my formal name, and liked having something more serious to use professionally, in publications, etc. So I guess I have two questions for you and your readers: First, how weird would it be to have a child named after someone famous (though, admittedly, it’s not like we’re naming her Angelina Jolie)? Secondly, do you think Maisie is too whimsical to be anything but a nickname? I keep going back and forth on this, and would really appreciate an outside opinion. Thank you!

 
This is a pair of questions I can see getting opinions from ALL OVER the spectrum. My own set of opinions is that I think the Margaret Atwood connection is too strong to use the name (not because of either a positive or a negative association, but based only on the STRENGTH of the association), and that I think Maisie works better as a nickname for a given name.

I had to think a bit to come up with those opinions, though, because it’s so hard to tell when a name is worth using despite issues with it: I often come down on the side of “Yes, I see the issue—but if you really want the name, it won’t be all THAT much hassle, and you should go for it.” What I finally did was imagine it as my OWN name. Would I want to keep discussing the Margaret Atwood thing? No. And if my name were Maisie, would I also want a more professional option? Yes.

You could do some fancy footwork and make Margaret the middle name (the connection is still very strong for me there, though) and give her a different first name but nickname her Maisie. Or you could name her Mae or May and call her Maisie. (I like the sound of Mae Margaret, too, if you want to use the honor name.)

Let’s find out where the rest of us are on the spectrum. Let’s have TWO polls over to the right: one on the Margaret Atwood association, and one about Maisie as a given name. [Polls closed; see results below.]

Name update! E. writes:

Update! And a surprise!

Thank you so much for posting my question. As you predicted, the responses were all over the place, and it was fascinating to see such a wide variety of opinions. I really appreciated the many suggestions of alternate formal names we could use to get Maisie. I became particularly fond of Mae, and really wanted to make it work, but…well, there’s something I didn’t tell you. This baby is a twin. I didn’t mention it when I originally wrote to you, because I didn’t think it was relevant. It only became an issue once Mae came into consideration, because we decided to name her twin sister…June. MAE & JUNE. Could you imagine? I’m just not that cruel.

So Mae was out, and I didn’t love any of the other alternatives. So we were back to Margaret or Maisie. My gut was telling me that Maisie was better as a nickname, and your poll reinforced my feelings. In the other poll, I noticed that 29% of the respondents didn’t notice the connection at all. This really surprised me. My impression is that your readers are a very literate crowd, and I reasoned that if nearly one-third of them didn’t recognize Margaret Atwood, it was going to be far less noticeable among the general public.

I also really appreciated the commenters (Heidi J, bunnyslippers, etc) who pointed out that she would be known primarily as Maisie as a child and by the time she’s an adult her peers may not recognize the connection. I took special note of the comment about the child named “Ayn Rand”–the kids didn’t notice it, and adults asked about it but understood once they heard it was a family name. That seemed similar to our situation, and helped me see that it wouldn’t bother me that much if people inquired about her name.

Interestingly, I have a similar issue with my name. My maiden name is Elizabeth Burton, and from time to time I hear, “Hey, that was Elizabeth Taylor’s name when she was married to Richard Burton!”. Do I roll me eyes when I hear this? Absolutely. Do I find it annoying? Not really. People are funny, and they’re just trying to make conversation. It’s not a big deal to me, and hopefully won’t be one for my daughter.

So without further ado, I present to you Margaret Jane (aka Maisie), and her sister June Adeline. As suggested, I gave Maisie a strong middle name/initial to separate her first and last names. She is named after my mother (and her mother), who is absolutely tickled to share a name with her granddaughter. The babies are now 19 weeks old, and the only person to comment on the Margaret Atwood connection is their pediatrician. :)