Dear Swistle,
We are expecting a boy 11/11. My husband and I have opposite tastes in names, and I’m beginning to feel anxiety that we won’t be able to compromise (I feel there’s only so much compromise you can do for a child’s name).
I enjoy unusual, uncommon names and he prefers timeless, common names. I also prefer nickname-proof names.
We (Nicole & Justin) share a daughter named Audrey, and we frequently hear people call her Aubrey. I would like to avoid name confusion for our son.
Our last name is Myers, and I’m confident we’re using James (family name) as the middle.
The only two names my husband would even consider were Blake and Noah from my list (though he didn’t love either). I don’t like the initials for Blake… My daughter’s favorite is Noah, and I think Noah James is cute, but Noah is so popular… So popular, in fact, my coworker just named his son Noah and announced the name after his birth. I’m not friends with him, but I feel really weird about it because we share a mutual friend.
Names I loved that my husband hates:
Milo
Kade
Rhys
Owen
Grayson
Evan
CyrusMy husband suggested only family names:
James (now the middle name as a compromise)
John
Jacob
DanielI would love to know your take. My husband says a coworker doesn’t matter, only family does. But I’m no longer excited about Noah. I would love to find a name with a similar vibe (soft, two-syllable, not many nicknames, but not too far out there).
Thank you!!
One Anxious Mama
I liked “there’s only so much compromise you can do for a child’s name” so much, I put it in the spreadsheet to remind me to do this one for sure. I have three questions, no four questions, to start with:
- Which parent’s family surname is being used for the children?
- Which side of the family is the name James from?
- Does your daughter have any family names, and if so, from which side of the family?
- Which parent had more say / which parent compromised more in naming your daughter?
When we’re talking about compromise–and we do need to talk about compromise–I think it is best to start by assembling all the compromises that have already been made. Let’s say, for example, that you are using your husband’s family’s surname for the children. And that James, which has already been put in the middle name position as a compromise by you, is also a family name from your husband’s side. And that your husband hated all the names on your list for your daughter, and you liked the name Audrey well enough from his list. Or let’s say the kids have been given your family surname; and James is your beloved brother’s name and the only reason you didn’t want to use his name is that it’s kind of boring but your husband’s love of the name changed your mind; and let’s say you were the one who put the name Audrey on the list and your husband eventually came around to it, and it’s a family name from your side of the family, and also her middle name matches yours. It’s nice to get a baseline established, before further compromises are made.
Audrey is a timeless name, and fairly common: #67 in 2022, according to the Social Security Administration. Let’s see if we can come up with some names that go well with Audrey, and could conceivably fit both parents’ styles, while not being on either list so far. I think we’re probably looking for Hip Biblical and Less-Common Traditional, maybe some Old Hollywood. For now I won’t avoid names with nicknames, or names that don’t go well with James as a middle name (in case that changes as part of the ongoing compromising):
Abel/Able
Aidric (too close to Audrey?)
Alistair
Calvin
Clark
Conrad
Davis
Desmond
Edmund
Elliot
Everett
Ezra
Franklin
Frederick
Gabriel
George
Gideon
Grant
Harris
Hugo
Ian
Isaac
Joel
Julian
Louis
Malcolm
Nathaniel
Nicholas (he could be named for his mother!)
Nolan
Reid
Russell
Saul
Silas
Simon
Stanley
Timothy
Warren
Wesley
Wilson
My top choice for meeting preferences is Nolan: similar to Noah, but significantly less common, while not being too uncommon (#65 in 2022); soft, two syllables, no real nicknames, not too out-there; traditional (it’s in the Social Security rankings when they begin in 1900) but fresher than some of the usual traditional choices; good with the surname and with the sibling name. Nolan Myers; Nolan James Myers; Audrey and Nolan.
Nicole’s son could also be Cole or Nico? Both seem to fit mom’s name ideas, but not as much dad’s…
But both work with Audrey and the middle and last names.
Jonah seems like it would be great for you! Very similar sounds to Noah and similar to your husbands suggestion of Jacob.
I came to say Jonah too! It reminds me very much of Noah, but less common.
Calvin or Bennett would go well with Audrey!
Ooh, Bennett is a good one.
I wanted to suggest Bennett too, but I think she’s trying to avoid the BJ initials? Or maybe I’m remembering wrong. Because I love Bennett, I think it’s going to grt more popular – it’s a fresh way to get to Ben but has an old fashioned sound.
My son is named Noah. It was the only boy name we considered when I was pregnant with him, but here are some of the two-syllable boy names we had on our list (some firsts and some middles) for the next pregnancy:
Andrew*
Ian
Jonah (this was my favorite but we decided it was too close to Noah)
Micah
Patrick*
Ryan
Taylor
William*
*These have common nicknames.
May want to avoid “Micah Myers” ….Unless baby comes on Halloween! :P
I forgot Jackson. That was on the list, too.
Aidric made me think of Cedric, which isn’t as close to Audrey.
I like the idea of using Nicholas to name him after you, especially if you made a lot of compromises with your daughter’s name and/or if James and the last name is from your husband’s family. Nick would (of course) be pretty inevitable as a nickname, though.
Not if you called him Nico! Nicholas is a choose-your-own-adventure/nickname name. We know a Cole, we know several Nicos, we don’t know any young Nicks.
I feel as if all the compromise is on your part.
I have an Andrew and an Audrey. Andrew is about to be 12 and so far he’s been an Andrew with the exception of a few friends at school who call him Andy. Still recognizes himself as an Andrew. I also wanted to choose names with limited nicknames and so far I do not regret my decision! I can’t remember anyone thinking my daughters name was Aubrey, so that must be a more popular name where you are.
Fun fact is that Andrew and Audrey are very similar – 6 letters each, both start with A and then have a dre. Only two letters are different. I’ve never had anyone even realize this because they sound so different.
What about Ethan? I feel like it has a similar “vibe” to Noah and sounds nice with Audrey!
About 6 months before my son was born a coworker who I worked closely with named their newborn son a name that was at the top of our list. It was big factor in why we chose not to use the name. Within a year of my son being born I no longer worked closely with that person and within 5 years I no longer worked at the company. I love the name we chose for my son but still think about the other name and am annoyed at myself that I let someone so insignificant to my life have such an out weighted impact on our naming choice.
If you really have lost all excitement for the name Noah that’s fine and I love so many of the alternative suggestions. I will echo Jonah as a great alternative. Or how about Noel? I also love Oliver with Audrey. It’s 3 syllables, but not many nicknames.
THIS: “…I’m annoyed at myself that I let someone so insignificant to my life have such an out weighted impact on our naming choice.”
Excellent comment…came here to say something similar.
Work situations CHANGE.
And even if you are both still working at the same place 20 years from now, does it really matter if the kids happen to have the same name? If you’ve gone off Noah for other reasons, then discard it, but don’t let this work situation be the sole reason to give it up.
IF you do decide to nix Noah, the commenters have so many wonderful suggestions. Best of luck!
Nolan was the first name to come to mind before I even read Swistle’s response so I was delighted to see that as her suggestion as well.
My other suggestion would be Zane. It’s a version of John, which is on your husband’s list, it’s familiar but not overused,nickname proof, and the Z initial makes it feel a bit unexpected and interesting. It seems like the perfect middle ground between what you are both wanting. James kind of clashes in the middle spot but perhaps another name from your husband’s family name list could work. Zane Daniel or Zane Jacob maybe? I also like that your kids are A to Z. Audrey and Zane.
Reid, Grant, and Jonah are other ideas that would work beautifully too. Good luck, please update us when he arrives!
Jonah is my suggestion, too! Uncommon, but easy to spell and pronounce, and similar sounds to Noah.
Micah
Isaac
Emmett
Felix
Simon
But how cool would it be to have a child with NJ initials, one for each parent? Noah James might be the best option.
I also thought of Nolan immediately as I was reading your letter — shout out to A and Swistle! Audrey and Nolan pair nicely, and Nolan is similar to Noah.
Other possibilities (new and repeated):
Ezra — Ezra James — I love this pairing. Audrey and Ezra.
Grant — Audrey and Grant. This is a bit Old Hollywood: Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant.
Ian — a Scottish form of John, which your husband has on his list. Audrey and Ian.
Isaac — Audrey and Isaac.
Joel — I know of real-life Audrey and Joel siblings!
Landon — seems fairly nickname-proof. Audrey and Landon.
Nathan — this name could shorten to Nat or Nate, but it doesn’t have to. Audrey and Nathan.
Best wishes to you!
I was going to suggest Grant!! I also love the Old Hollywood feel of Audrey and Grant. Chef’s kiss!!
Nolan is so good!! Great with Audrey, with the last and middle names, soft sound, uncommon but traditional.
Also great:
Ezra
Graham
Grant
Ian
Simon
Ethan
Isaac
Jonah
Jude
Reid
As someone with a B-name for my first name and a J-name for my middle, I have NEVER gotten flack for it. But I *did* have an unusual German surname that got all the attention, so it’s possible that I would have been teased in other circumstances? But I just wanted you to know that data point.
(and now my married name is B- M-, and I am the only person who’s noticed that it looks like “bowel movement” when we use initials at work. (But I try to use “BJM” for this reason.)
I realize I’m partial to this name, because we used it, but I think it is both uncommon and traditional: Moses. Moses James. We do sometimes call him “Mo” for short, but most call him by his full name. I don’t know a single other kiddo in our large social circle with his name, and I only know one adult, though I realize this is likely regional (we are in the Midwest). It’s soft, reminds me of Noah, for obvious reasons, and I just love it.
Jonah is just perfect!! Audrey and Jonah, Jonah James is adorable. I know a Jonah and often felt that if we had another boy, Jonah would be right up there.
My suggestions for soft boys names:
Callum
Judah/Jude
Julian
Alec
Graham
Not sure if I’m repeating but I like all of these with Audrey, they’re not common, they’re soft like Noah, and I’ve found that if you ask people not to nickname him, people tend to listen these days. I think because we’re getting used to having a mix of ethnicities in schools and so people listen when you tell them that’s their name. It’s not just John and Mary – when I was a kid “Caitlin” was a weird name that no one could ever pronounce (then ten years later – boom! Caitlins everywhere!!) and people would make such a fuss. But I’ve seen my kids go through school – it’s not like that anymore. This long rant was to say: name him Callum and if you tell them not to call him Cal, people will listen.
Your description of why you like Noah made me think of the name Seth. I’ve only ever met one in person, my friend from college, and it’s just a great nickname proof known- but-not-too-common name.
Seth is the ultimate soft boy name, IMO. But Seth Meyers would probably be a deal breaker for me.
I love Nolan with Audrey.
Any chance you could ask your husband to rethink Owen or Evan? I think both of those are timeless/fits his style. If it would help, I’m pretty sure Evan is the Welsh version of John which is also a family name.
Both Owen and Evan (and Ivan and Ian and Jan and Juan) are variations of John.
And Ewan, I think, is Scottish/Welsh for John. That’s why I cringed when an acquaintance named her son Ew@n J0hn. 😱😂
Ian and Sean are also Celtic for John, I’m pretty sure.
What about Martin?
I feel like that is old Hollywood, not biblical but an established Saint in the early church (if that matters to you). Not commonly heard but also not tightly tied to a particular generation. Two syllable and gentle on the ear.
Martin James Surname.
I love Nolan!
Perfect suggestion.
Another +1 for Nolan though I would not let a distant/temporary relationship like a colleague nix a name I loved til their announcement.
I thought Nolan would be a great option as soon as I read the letter — scrolled down to to see it on the suggestions and was extra thrilled to see it top Swistle’s list at the end.
Also like Reid and throwing Elijah in there for consideration. Not nickname proff but ad Manu have said, nicknames no longer seem to be a given. (My sons seem to be in the minority among their friend groups for using them.)
Someone looking for a similar name might also like Miles. I like the names together — Miles Myers — but it’s possibly too much for some.
Seth might be good choice for others looking to strike the same balance but Seth Meyers is a comedian/TV host. So while not likely to be familiar or relevant to his peers, it would be a well known combo for teachers and other parents.
Ezra was my immediate thought and I was happy to see it recommended! It feels similar-ish to Noah, but also reminds me of Evan from your list.
I think Noah is still a good option, but not if it doesn’t excite you!
I really like Switstle’s suggestions of Silas and Wesley. Both are so soft in sound, but still masculine. Silas James Myers. Wesley James Myers. Silas and Audrey. Wesley and Audrey (I’d avoid a second “ey” ending if you think I might have more children, though).
Maybe Roman could work? It seems like it might be able to bridge the gap between yours and your husband’s tastes. It’s an established name that is familiar, but isn’t used often.
It’s so tough when you and your partner don’t share a similar naming style (speaking from experience). I hope you find something you both love. Please let us know what you choose!
***if you think YOU might have more children.
I have to suggest my son’s name: Jonah. Similar to Noah, but less common.
I’m mostly ignoring the fairness side of things because it’s so context dependent, and instead just looking for how to bridge the gap between your styles. i.e. If there were a name that didn’t feel like a major compromise, how would you find it?
The first thing I would do is to ask why certain attributes appeal to you, to see if there’s more wiggle room than you realized. e.g. Does he care that a name is common or just that it’s well established? Do you care that a name is uncommon or just that it feels fresh? Common vs uncommon is an unbridgeable gap; well-established but with a particular popularity arc is possible.
Some possible categories that might end up being a good fit (with sources for more ideas):
Names from the early 1900s that are now trending upward: Henry, Theodore, August, Leo, Dominic, Charlie
Classics that have hovered at lower levels for a long time: Vincent, Oscar, Martin, Felix
Classics that feel super familiar but aren’t super common among kids anymore: Robert, Thomas, Philip, Edward, George, Lewis, Francis
Bible names that were long neglected: Asher, Gideon, Ruben, Jonas, Jude, Judah, Micah, Seth, Levi, Elijah, Elias
Classics with unexpected nicknames: Gregory “Rory”, Peter “Pip”, Alexander “Xan”, Maximilian “Milo”, Andrew “Anders”, Michael “Kai”, George “Geo”
Some name lists that might be fruitful for you:
namerology.com/2020/02/06/americas-100-steadiest-names/
nameberry.com/blog/underused-classic-baby-names-calvin-martin-and-miriam
namerology.com/2019/03/19/timeless-yet-intriguing-boys-names-the-master-list/
nameberry.com/blog/vintage-names-100-year-old-names-that-sound-new-again
He likes family names and you seem to like surnames – are there any you could borrow from the family tree? Are there any more unusual family names (first, middle, or last) that might interest you more than his suggestions?
I would also suggest picking a name list that gets at a category that sounds promising and independently making a short list from it – you could make a rule that each person has to choose at least 5 or 10 or however many names. You might try a certain popularity range of the SSA name rankings (I suspect 50-300 is about your sweet spot), a list from the back of Baby Name Wizard (these are so useful – I highly recommend seeing if your library has a copy), or one of the lists I linked above.
I quite like the suggestion of Nicholas – very traditional, family name, with fun nickname options that are more your style. Colin (which derives from Nicholas) feels a bit more your style than his, but still maybe in the overlap?
I also think Noah could still be a great option if you can bring yourself back around to it. Name repeats just kind of happen – yes, Noah is a pretty common name, but my son’s name was outside the top 1000 when we chose it, and a friend used the same name while I was pregnant. We went with it anyway because it was our top choice and we didn’t expect the kids to see each other super frequently.
A couple more options that came to mind: Asa, Isaac “Ike”, Lucas
If I had been a boy, my name would have been Noah or Jonah, so here’s another vote for Jonah.
But also, I really like the idea of going into one the family tree of the person whose last name is not being used for the kids and grabbing a last name from that tree. The one drawback of that is that you will need to correct folks who think that James is the first name, but you can fix that by only using the middle initial on most forms.