Hi there Swistle,
I’m reaching out for some thoughts on how many times is too many to change your babies name…
I know sounds a little curious…My daughter was born in May of 2020 (peak pandemic). We wanted to name her Coco Gianna (pre-Covid) but I got scared that we would associate her first name with the word Covid.
We named her Nico Gianna (and it never truly felt like “it” for me).
So, at 6 months old (before applying for her birth certificate) we added in “June” (another name I had on my list).
My husband calling her Nico.
Me calling her Nico-June.Now she’s 18 months old and can say her own name and in her sweet little toddler talk she calls herself “Coco”.
When I say Nico, Nini or Junie, she corrects me, “Coco”.I think Nico-June is so sweet and unique but I’m often called back to think- she should have been a Coco.
It’s SERIOUSLY pulling at my heart strings and triggering my feelings of name regret.
Do I send in for a new birth certificate and write on it Coco June Gianna?
Or just keep Coco as her little family nickname.Siblings are-
Parker Emilia
Quentin Hayes (nn Quinn)
(and her twin) Jasper GrahamThank you!
I have a Coping Thought I find useful when I am experiencing the kind of stress/uncertainty/indecision where I keep thinking about something, but thinking about it doesn’t seem to be getting me any closer to a decision. The Coping Thought is this: “I don’t have to make this decision RIGHT NOW.” (Currently I am using it because a housecleaner stole from us and we had to fire them, and I keep spiraling off into decisions that can wait until LATER, such as “CAN I EVER TRUST CLEANERS IN THE HOUSE AGAIN??” and “BUT HOW WOULD WE EVEN FIND NEW CLEANERS??” and “BUT HOW ARE WE GOING TO CLEAN THE HOUSE OURSELVES WHEN WE ARE FAIRLY BAD AT DOING THAT??” All of these are decisions I don’t need to make RIGHT NOW, and in fact CAN’T make right now while still at this level of emotion/stress.)
I think for now you could delight in the way that she is calling herself by the very nickname you wanted to name her and were sorry you hadn’t named her. There is no reason it has to match what’s written on her birth certificate: the birth certificate isn’t something we file with The Universe to declare our child’s True Fated Name, it’s just a government document to let the government keep track of its citizens. There are plenty of reasons why someone’s True Name might not match the birth certificate: maybe the parents felt pressured to submit to a naming tradition, so they put the Tradition Name on the birth certificate but they call the child by the child’s True Name; maybe the child doesn’t like their Birth Certificate Name and goes by something else but it’s not worth it to them to go through the hassle of changing the birth certificate, and/or they’d actually prefer to keep their True Name as something for people who actually know them; maybe someone goes by a nickname of their given name to the extent that NO ONE calls them their Birth Certificate Name, but that’s a normal/familiar situation and causes no real issue. You have another child named Quentin and nicknamed Quinn; do you feel as if you must change the birth certificate to reflect that nickname? Or does it feel as if the child can be Quentin AND Quinn?
If, as the years go by, she is known as Coco to absolutely everyone, and she actively dislikes the name Nico, and it bugs you/her that Nico is on the birth certificate and Coco is not, you can change it then. But until then, I think everything is okay: you wanted to call her Coco; Coco works as a nickname for her given name; she is calling herself Coco; you can call her Coco, too! Those are all happy things! The birth certificate doesn’t need to be involved in this at all. It CAN be involved, later—but you don’t have to make that decision RIGHT NOW. It isn’t even a question of how many times a parent can change their baby’s birth certificate (I’d say as a rule of thumb ONCE, and after that the parents should look into whether there may be a different issue masquerading as name regret), but more a question of whether it needs to be changed at all (unknown), and whether that decision needs to be made RIGHT NOW (no).
I agree with Swistle, and wanted to add my own thought:
Maybe she will be happy to have a family nickname to use with only those familiar with her? I’m a Kathryn who had gone exclusively by Katie and Kate since birth. I like being a Kathryn on my resume and official work stuff, and having my family/the people who know me well call me the more familiar name. It feels cozy.
I think Nico called Coco is great! There’s no reason to touch the birth certificate at all.
When I meet someone called Nikki, my assumption is that she’s probably got Nicole (or Nico, or Nikita, etc) on her birth certificate. And while there are people whose full legal name is Coco, it sounds nicknamey enough that if I met a Coco, my first guess would also be that she’s probably got something else on her birth certificate — it’s not like she’s Nico called Celestina, you know?
Even if she goes by Coco her entire life, no one is going to think it’s particularly weird that her legal name is actually Nico. You’re only stuck on this because you had considered making her a birth certificate Coco at first, the idea is not going to occur to anyone she meets! You can absolutely leave this up to her — when she’s an adult, she can change her legal name if she wants to, for now, I think Swistle is absolutely right and you can just let it go.
I have a Nico Vernon and his big brother (who was just 13 months old when he was born) called him Coco. We loved it and called our little Nico “Coco” exclusively. Then Big Brotger heard daycare teachers calling him Nico and he switched back to the full name overnight. I’m still sad! So enjoy the nickname Coco for as long as you can! It’s so cute and fun. We know lots of boy Nicos but not many girl Nico’s. Fun fact: Nico’s middle name was for his great-grandpa Vern. Middle name would have been June if he were a girl because his great grandma is June!
I agree that there is no need to change the birth certificate right now. If when she grows up she wants to change it, she can. Kids change a lot, and what name they prefer changes as they grow up. None of my five kids uses the full version of their legal name. Two use a nickname, two use their middle names, and one uses a completely unrelated name. She is the only one who is considering a legal name change. The others think that’s too much effort when they can simply say, “I go by [nickname]” when they meet someone new who knows their full name.
Swistle’s coping thought is great advice!
Our oldest son is adopted, and a few years after completing his adoption and getting his birth certificate, we changed our mind about his middle name. We were pregnant with a biological son and considering a meaningful family name as his middle, and realized we wanted our first son to have that as his middle. We unofficially changed our oldest’s middle name and always refer to this as his full name, but have never changed the birth certificate. It would also involve changing citizenship papers and seems like too much money and hassle!
Just wanted to add that I agree on not changing the name, she may grow out of calling herself Coco, especially if you call her something else and I like how her current birth certificate name gives options but is a natural fit with the nickname she’s using.
“I think Nico-June is so sweet and unique but I’m often called back to think- she should have been a Coco.”
She is a Coco! As Swistle pointed out, plenty of people, including your own son, go primarily or exclusively by a nickname. The nickname and the birth certificate name are equally their “real name.” Coco is a very intuitive nickname for Nico (or Nico-June), and you love both the full name and the nickname, so it sounds like you already have the perfect solution with your current setup. It doesn’t even have to be just a family nickname! It’s perfectly reasonable to start introducing her to people as Coco if you want to, especially since she so strongly prefers it right now.
I appreciate your reply 🧡!
She is a Coco. Roll with it and worry about the paperwork later.
❤️thank you for your thoughts!
10th’d! Coco is an entirely logical nickname for Nico, and as they have said, legal names are often ignored in favor of a nickname. Most of the Elisabeths in my family go exclusively by a nickname. (I’m the exception). If her having the legal name Nico is still a problem several years hence, then you can always go through the expense and bother then.
❤️ thank you!