Hi Swistle,
My husband and I are expecting our 3rd child, and we don’t know the gender. We’ve essentially agreed on Eliana for a girl, but for a boy I’m torn between 2 names- Nicholas and Benjamin.
Our first two children are Ethan Justin (Justin after my husband) and Sophia Grace.
I loved these names because of their sound but also because of their meaning. Ethan “strong” and Justin “righteous” and Sophia “wise” and Grace “graceful”.
So I have a strong and righteous boy and a wise and graceful girl and it fits both of them perfectly. Now with number 3 we are a little more established, but and I love that Nicholas means “victory of the people”, and I like that it can go with middle name John (after my Dad).
Benjamin is my husbands first choice, and I have to admit it has really grown on me. It seems to flow better with the name of our other kids.
What I don’t like is it’s meaning “son of the right hand” or “son of old age”. Also, I don’t want his initials to be BJ so I wouldn’t use John for a middle name. Most likely I’d use Alexander.I’d like to know what you think of when you think of these two names and experiences with people with these names.
Thanks very much
What I think is that name meanings are fun the way horoscopes are fun. I always look up the meanings of names I’m considering for my own children, just as I look up their zodiac signs once they’re born—but I don’t think of it as something that Actually Signifies anything, and I wouldn’t let name meanings decide the names I chose, any more than I’d let zodiac signs decide the timing for trying for a pregnancy. It’s fun when the meaning enhances a name, but not a deal-breaker when it doesn’t. I think it’s nice that your first two children’s name meanings enhance their names for you, and fun that so far it’s working out that the meanings seem to fit with who they are. But if you and your husband both prefer the name Benjamin, I absolutely would not advise letting the meanings of the name candidates overrule your preference. So that is where I am starting from, but I know we have lots of commenters who are more into name meanings than I am, so this is where I think the group-project element of this site really pays off.
I think I’d start by looking a little further into what is it you like about the meaning of the name Nicholas, “victory of the people” (or, elsewhere: “people of victory” or “people’s conqueror“). I can easily imagine contemporary applications that would make this meaning feel like it was referring to triumph over evil/injustice, and/or more generally to justice/strength/righteousness—but my mind also goes toward the violent and war-like elements of those concepts. It feels like a veer from the virtue meanings of strong, righteous, wise, and graceful.
And I’d want to look a little further into what you DON’T like about the meanings of the name Benjamin. I dabbled a little, and one theory seems to be that “son of the right hand” is a reference to strength, in which case the name Benjamin coordinates particularly nicely with the name Ethan. More generally: someone on your right hand is someone you can trust and depend on; to be seated at someone’s right hand is to be given the highest possible honor. And the other possibility, “son of old age,” feels comforting and nurturing to me; again, a nice combination with strength/righteousness and wisdom/gracefulness—and a nice way to be careful that we are not thinking of boys as having one set of virtues and girls as having a different set.
It seems to me that the main loss, if you use Benjamin, is John as the middle name. I think of B.J. as problematic initials mostly if they’re the first/last initials (i.e., noticeable to other people), or if the parents plan to call the child by first/middle initials (or think others in their circle might do so). If not, I think you could still use John as the middle name—but if it persists in bothering you, I do understand: I have similar aversions among my own name preferences. Alexander is nice; is it an honor name? Does B.A._. work okay with the surname initial? Are there any other honor names from your side of the family that would work well? Could your name or your middle name or your mother’s name or your maiden name be given, in its own form or in another form (Paula/Paul, Louise/Louis, Brianne/Brian, etc.), to balance the honor of using your husband’s first name for one of your other children? Or perhaps you would want to find a middle name with a meaning that makes you happier about the meaning of the name overall; if you haven’t already discovered it, I recommend The Completely Reverse-Dictionary of Baby Names for this (though double-check the meanings with other sources).
As names considered without their meanings, I think Nicholas and Benjamin are equivalent names: both have been so widely used, and over such a long period of time, that their associations are pleasingly diluted. Both have good nicknames; both go well with the sibling names. And I think that both are friendly, solid choices that would serve a person well throughout their life.
I agree that Benjamin and Nicholas both go well with the sibling names, about equally well, I’d say. I even know a pair of brothers named Ethan and Nicholas. I don’t think you can go wrong choosing either.
Just to add a perspective/experience with “BJ” as initials of first + middle initial, my first name is Rebecca but I exclusively (I mean exclusively — my wedding invitation said Becca, my work email is Becca, my Facebook is Becca) go by Becca. My middle name starts with “J.” As a child, my dad would occasionally call me BJ, and I didn’t know any other meaning of it so thought nothing of it (and my dad certainly didn’t mean anything by it other than a nickname!!). My middle name also matches my grandmother’s middle name — which I always loved (even though my parents say they didn’t choose it for that reason!).
The only time it has ever come up in my entire life is in 6th grade when some boys were talking about a BJ (I didn’t know what that was) and I blurted out “I AM BJ!” They were all shocked and stared at me, then burst out laughing, but no one would tell me what the deal was. I asked my sister later and she told me, I felt SO embarrassed, and it never came up again.
Was it embarrassing in the moment? Yes. Would I change my name because of it? No. I did ask my dad not to call me BJ (so he calls me B), but other than that it just hasn’t been a big consideration, even when I list my initials as BJC on things.
Obviously if it bothers you, don’t use it, but personally it hasn’t been an issue for me (one embarrassing childhood moment notwithstanding!), and I loved having that connection to my grandmother!
I would take into consideration whether people you value also put a lot of stock into the meaning of a name. We named our daughter Fiona (can mean white, pure, fair etc) and got some pretty hurtful feedback from loved ones because she is biracial…
John Benjamin, called Ben could be a nice compromise. And if you do choose Nicholas, Nico is a popular and more modern nickname that you could use. Plus Nico and Sophia have a European sound to them.
I don’t understand the dislike of BJ as a nickname and knew a few BJs growing up, but you must have reasons. Both Nicholas and Benjamin are great names that go well with your sibset. I have a nephew who is a Nicholas (Nick) and my oldest is a Benjimin (Benji).
If you are at an impasse you can always go with Nicholas Benjamin or Benjamin Nicholas. Or even Nicholas John Benjamin or Benjamin Nicholas John.
BJ is off-putting to many of us because of its use as shorthand slang for a bl*w j*b.
I remember the TV show B.J. and the Bear. I agree it was a pretty common nickname back in the day. The sexualization of the culture has created an atmosphere that would make it pretty tough to carry off the nickname now.
I’m with Swistle in that name meanings are interesting, but not part of the decision process, and yup you can google until you find yourself a better meaning for almost any name.
My main decision factor here would be what nickname I like better. Ethan is very no nickname necessary – although maybe you call him E? But Nicholas is bound to get Nick and Benjamin to get Ben, unless you’re going for Nico or Cole or Benji. I’d start with choosing the one you love.
And the initials. I also never combine the first and middle name/s of my kids. Obviously it happens, as a PP explained (and I feel you Becca! I have an Auntie Flo and merrily told everyone about her until one day people made fun of me for talking about my Aunt Flo… ugh kids.) My youngest’s initials (first and last) are BS – which I totally didn’t catch in newborn fog because we went rogue when we finally chose her name. And I’m sure at some point, someone will be a DB and make fun of her, but so far she’s a spitfire who will give back as good as she gets. John is so special, so I hope it makes the middle, no matter what name you choose.
Good luck!
I love this question because I’ve considered or used every name mentioned, so I have a pretty similar naming style to this family. I also love it because one of the reasons I named my son Benjamin was because of the meaning! “The son of my right hand” gives me a warm feeling of closeness and connection and I was an older mom by the time I had him (yes, they put “geriatric” on my chart). With my husband being older than me, “son of old age” was also apt and we felt so fortunate to have another child when we thought we would not be able to have more children.
The name Benjamin itself is wonderful and versatile. My son was Benji, or occsaionally Benny, when he was little and now he goes by Ben. He loves his name and he doesn’t mind, or even likes it, that we know a few other boys named Ben. We happen to know far, far more boys named Nicholas, so although we considered that name, too, I’m glad we went with Benjamin.
The middle name does seem like a crucial factor. John is such a great name and being named for his grandfather is an important honor. I can see how having BJ as part of the initials could be potentially bothersome. I will say that my son’s initials (first and last name) are BM and that is somewhat bothersome to me but no one has ever mentioned it, so what seems like a potentially big issue might actually be a non-issue.
Note on meanings- Alexander is something like “defender of man.” Greek origin. That’s strong and a good partner to righteousness.
Alexander John
Ethan, Sophia and Alex
Ethan, Sophia and AJ
My amazing brother is named Nicholas John, so that is my vote!
I also know way more little Bens than Nicks, so I like the idea of picking the less popular name.
Nicholas has the added bonus of Cole as a nickname.
I wouldn’t worry about BJ – he will use first/last initials or all three. Unless he wants to be called BJ. Plus I just don’t see kids teased about their names anymore – not like when we were kids- probably because there is so much more diversity in naming. Lastly kids will be using different slang, BJ will be a thing of the past. Benjamin John is such a lovely name.
I read this about the meaning of the name Benjamin and think it is a thoughtful explanation:
https://www.jtsa.edu/the-meaning-of-benjamins-name
I have to say, as someone who interacts with a slightly younger generation, BJ is slang that’s here to stay for a while. Especially in an internet age where things get abbreviated! It’s ubiquitous enough that I wouldn’t dismiss it outright as “well kids in the future won’t know what that means” because it’s slang that’s been around for at least a couple decades at this point, if not longer, and not just a flash in the pan.
I considered both Benjamin and Nicholas for my youngest. They are both great names!
The meaning (and Biblical story) attached to Benjamin was a big draw for me. Son of the right hand means your offsider, the person you rely on more than anyone else. There is an old nickname where I live of ‘the family benjamin’ it basically means the favourite last child, the youngest. It makes me think of a baby lamb (also traditionally named Benjamin).
Nicholas is great too! I like Klaus as a nickname.
My husband is a Ben, and really relates to the “son of the right hand” meaning—he followed his dad’s career path, and is really thoughtful and supportive to them as we’re the only ones local to them of their five kids’ families.
Also his first/last combo is BO. He didn’t actually get teased about it, shockingly, but has always used his middle initial too when initialing anything!
My youngest (26 year old) is Nicholas John. We call him Nick but several of his friends call him Nick John, which I like.
So my vote would be Nicholas John but I have always like Ben.
Just want to say that I think you have two great, handsome choices. I’d lean towards Benjamin. Benjamin is so handsome, warm, and strong. I love the name anywhere and everywhere I hear it!
And I wouldn’t worry too much about the “BJ” initials, though maybe this might be a chance to slide your maiden name in the middle name slot? I wish I did that.
I don’t know if this helps you, but my son is Ben (just Ben, not Benjamin). I like to consider it is short for Benard (I couldn’t convince my husband to name our son Benard!), which means “brave like a bear”, and I love this. :)
If you do love the long form of Benjamin, I agree with Swistle – you can create really nice associations with those meanings, too!
I’m going to throw a vote in for Alexander, just because I love the way it sounds with Ethan and Sophia, and even with Eliana too. I like the nickname Xan or Xander, but as you likely know, plenty of kids these days go by full name, period, so it would work either way.
If not, though, I find either Benjamin or Nicholas good names, with a slight inclination towards Benjamin. I would just throw an extra middle name in there, problem solved. Benjamin Alexander John.
Or, maybe I also like the idea of considering Jonathan for a first name, which I consider stylistically pretty similar and a great name.
Just asked a colleague at work, an adult female in her late 50s who goes exclusively by “BJ” – none of us even know her by any other name – and she says as an adult she has had no negative feedback at all. She did caution that “kids nowadays are different then when I grew up” so I am including that also, but she thinks you should go for that honor name in the middle and your little fellow will be fine.