Commenter Dori suggested that a good follow up to Baby Name Regrets of the Many-Years-Later Kind would be a post on the things we worried about during the naming process and then they turned out to be no big deal:
people who were really worried/hesitant about a name, and then it turned out to be fine down the road – meaning, spelling/pronunciation didn’t end up being an issue, or the SIL was fine with the “name theft”, or it was a mouthful but the kid embraced it, or there were no other Sophies in the entire town …
We did a post like that once (Baby Name Issues that Weren’t Important in the Long Run), but it was seven years ago and it certainly seems due for a redo. I went into a lot more detail on that post, but here are a few of my own worries that came to nothing:
• I worried that my daughter’s name was way too long: four names, twelve syllables, thirty letters. But…it doesn’t matter at all. It never comes up as an issue. No one ever remarks on it. I don’t know why I was so concerned. I believe one of her middle names might have had to be shortened on her Social Security card because they ran out of room, but I don’t remember for sure; if that turns out to be a problem later in life, I will update here. But it shouldn’t, considering the Social Security Administration doesn’t consider middle names part of the legal name.
• I was worried about the spelling of one child’s name: it’s an honor name, and it’s the less-common spelling. It has not been a bothersome issue: I just spell it when I say it. Maybe once or twice it was spelled wrong somewhere, and then I just corrected it? It doesn’t even lodge in my memory, it’s been such a non big deal. I’ve been more annoyed by the regular misspelling of another child’s absolutely traditional spelling.
• I was worried that William’s actual name was too common: while pregnant and in my third trimester, we ran into TWO new babies with that name in the same day. And he was indeed one of three Williams in his class in preschool, and a couple of other times over his school career. And it was totally fine: they called themselves “the Williams,” they still call each other “William T.” and “William K.” and “William J.,” even when it’s not necessary, just for the fun of yelling it out in the school hallway or at graduation.
What issues were you nervous about during the naming process, but it turns out they haven’t been a problem?
Basically everything having to do with the middle names.
My husband selected one fairly unusual middle name that we knew our families would balk at, and I selected an honor name from my side of the family as a second middle name in hopes of making my mom feel better about the fact that we weren’t using a different honor name that she really pushed for as the first name. We fretted a lot about this, the order and how to roll the names out and all that stuff.
And then…it doesn’t matter. There were a couple of weeks of being asked “What are the middle names again? Can you spell them?” And they have not been mentioned again since then, positively or negatively or neutrally, and honestly I bet several of our relatives have forgotten what they are.
He’s only 2, so I’m sure this is an evolving situation!
Also! I’m not sure whether this counts, but it’s something else I expected to be a problem, that turned out not to be.
We didn’t find out the sex of the baby beforehand, and we had two complete four-part names chosen: one for a boy, one for a girl. I worried very much that not being able to use one of the complete, thoroughly considered and vetted names was going to feel like a major loss–like we’d be saying goodbye to an alternate universe in which we’d had the other child.
I didn’t. I sincerely loved and was excited to use both names, but the girl name fell out of my mind almost instantly when we had our boy. I’m not even sure we’d use it for a girl now, if we have one in the future. Probably parts of it? But it doesn’t feel set in stone at all.
When I legally changed my name over two years ago now, I fretted about every aspect of it. I wondered for ages if I should incorporate the middle name that my parents gave me and make my first name Lillianne rather than just Lilly, but I’m so glad I didn’t. And I fretted endlessly over my middle name, but ended up going with my favourite Shakespeare character, also the first name of an actress whose work is important to me, who is now dead and no scandals about her have been reported, and she was hugely supportive of LGBT causes. And I love my middle name so much, even though I’ve had a few slightly sniffy responses to it in person, particularly from people who find it too old fashioned or stuffy.
Now the only issue is getting my mother to actually USE my name, but after a long heart to heart and several months of me hanging up the phone every time she used my old name, she is finally conceding that she will try.
Sending love and warmth to you!! So sorry to hear that it’s been hard with your mom. I hope that she continues to come around. You deserve nothing less than 1000% acceptance and love! <3
Mine is more of a nickname issue. When my now 17 year old twins were born we had an instant nickname for one of them and the other was a name like Margaret that has MANY nicknames. And to keep with the Margaret example— my husband chose (I was going to say we, but let’s be honest he chose it) one that is like Peggy. You don’t instantly see it as a nn for Margaret and the real nick name is pretty uncommon. So the ONLY person I ever knew with that name was a really really mean girl I went to high school with. I didn’t want to use this name and was SURE I would always imagine Peggy from high school glaring at me when I called her name. My husband argued about some famous person who shared that name and how he never associated our daughter with that name but I argued that wasn’t the same because his example hadn’t been mean to him for the better part of three years. I did lose this argument. But you know what? I never think of that girl at all— except when I saw that her dad had died or that she was doing something that made the hometown news. Or obviously when I talk about the choosing of a nickname.
For our first son, we loved the name Max but were really worried that it would be side-eyed since it was the name of our beloved dog who had died about four years before he was born. My in-laws heard our name choice and said “Are you joking?” But that was the only negative feedback, it was no big deal and hasn’t been mentioned since. It gave me a lot of heartburn for months though. Turns out that most people didn’t really remember our dog’s name as much as I (self-centeredly, lol) thought! :)
Our son shares a name with my husband’s family’s childhood dog (a dog everyone seemed to have found really annoying and who died a decade before our son’s birth). It was weird a few times and we did worry some but I realized reading your comment I had completely forgotten about it!
On the other hand, we gave him a nick name as a given name, a choice I’ve been happy with, but now, at 9 he wishes for the formal name to be his nickname and THAT is confusing :) Imagine a given name Maggie wishing for her nickname to be Margaret. That type of thing. But I still don’t regret it because I still don’t like the formal name and still love his name. Sorry, kid :)
In my house we call that a Nicholas name.
Okay that took me a second to get, but that is hilarious!
My daughter’s name is a minor character from Twilight. I was SO CONCERNED about that!!!! Crazy now, right? Who even remembers Twilight these days, let alone the minor characters. I’ve had one middle-aged man mention the connection, and never anyone else, and when he brought it up, I almost didn’t even know what he was talking about.
Phoebe was the girl name for our son for a few months. But _so_ many people asked “Like Phoebe from Friends?” that I got thoroughly disgusted. Wasn’t even a contender for his sister 2 years later. And I do not regret that. Plus, it turns out that Susan works remarkably well. Boomers love it, of course, and most younger people react with only mild surprise. (I do usually add “after my late mother” so that may be part of it.)
When we were naming my son, the one name my husband and I both instantly agreed on and liked is actually part of the name of the company he works for – Griffin. We didn’t think of the connection immediately and the name lingered at the top of our list for a while. I started calling my belly exclusively by the name but as time went on my husband started to feel weird about it. We tried to find another name that made us just as happy as Griffib but we really couldn’t! We polled some of his co-workers and only one of them thought it was strange! Everyone else’s take was a name is forever a job is not! We even talked to the president of his company who replied “that’s awesome!” It’s been a total non-issue! Everyone he encounters at work thinks it’s a fun coincidence. Never have we gotten another negative remark! And we love his name so no regrets!
When we picked out first boy’s name, it was between two names, Isaiah and Isaac. I knew that if we used one, we couldn’t use the other and I thought I would be sad over the loss of that other name. Nope, didn’t even bother me at all of the “loss” of the one.
My third boy’s name is a bit more old-fashioned and uncommon, Thaddeus. I was worried over remarks and comments regarding it. Nope, it’s commonly looked at as such a great name and I love it so much!
I was also worried that two other names we used, Sophie and Oliver, would be too popular. They are popular but it doesn’t bother me at all. I love the names and I’m glad we used them.
We had settled on my daughter’s name months before her birth. It was really uncommon name in the US, circa 6000s, but in the top 50 in her father’s birth country. While we knew that some would mispronounce it, we loved that it was known in both locations, yet uncommon in the US. However we moved when she was 4 and we now have four kids in our circle with the same name!! Plus they pronounce it differently so her ethnically-accurate pronunciation has become the nonstandard one which she gets annoyed correcting. Strange how there are these little pockets of popularity and how that can impact your kid’s experience with their name.
For my son, we struggled with his name and went to the hospital with a shortlist. We left the hospital with the now first and middle names inverted after my husband had last minute cold feet. We went home for two days calling him by his now middle name. I was originally opposed to the now middle as the first, but it really grew on me during those days. Meanwhile, hubby had the opposite reaction. He became more convinced that the now first was our son’s true name. When hubby asked to go back to the original configuration, it threw me for a loop all over again! With postpartum hormones this was a rather tortuous process! The switch back was easy as the hospital hadn’t filed the paperwork yet, but there are still days when I wonder…. Frankly either name suits him and he ultimately gets the choice, so this really doesn’t matter. But the process was really unpleasant and strained our first days at home and that I do regret.
So what were my unfounded fears?
My fear with my daughter was of having a name set in advance and it not “fitting”. However, my experience with my son showed me the opposite. Having a name set in advance REALLY saves you a lot of heartache postpartum. Babies change so much during those first months, that looking at him/her after they have been squeezed through a birth canal won’t really help much in your naming decision. So don’t wait!! Lock it down but give yourself permission to switch if it really doesn’t feel right.
My fear with my son was that his top 100 name would mean many other kids with his name. We only met one other kid with his name but four with his sister’s super rare name. So screw popularity worries — it may not be an issue where you live and is something you don’t ultimately control no matter the prior planning. Choose the name you love.
I would dearly love to hear your daughter’s name as it sounds similar in being rare-here-popular-elsewhere to my daughter’s name, Hilaria / Ilaria (way popular in Italy).
Is it pronounced Hill-ah-ree-ah accent omg the Ree, or Hiil-are-ee-uh accent on the Are?
About a month before my due date with my second daughter, my beloved grandmother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. The baby had been “named” by my husband and I for months at this point, but kept between the two of us. I suddenly felt a perceived pressure from my family to name her after my grandma. While I love my grandma’s name, it is a heavily used family name on my husband’s side of the family, including HIS grandmother! If we used it, it would be special to my family, but “just another Mary” (for example) to his family. Also, would we tell them she was named after both grandmothers when it was really only changed to honor mine? In the end, we decided to stick with the name we originally planned, and were relieved to find out that my family was hoping we WOULDN’T use my grandmother’s name! My grandma passed away 10 days before my daughter was born and they felt the wound was still too fresh. Nearly four years later, it’s a complete non-issue and we love our daughter’s name as it is.
When we named our son Matthew it was the number 1 name in our province that year. (Which we didn’t realize until we had already filled out the forms, it being a rather last minute decision after he arrived. Our former first choice became his middle name.)
It would have given me pause – I was chagrined when I looked up the stats – but despite all that he has never, in 11 years, been in a class or team with another Matthew! There have been older and younger Matthew’s at school, but not in his grade. So popularity is not always as scary as it seems.
My daughter’s given name is Cate, and we knew and were ok with the fact that she would be called Catie. But I preferred Cate, and never thought of her as a Catie. Until she was born! Now she’s four and I’ve called her Catie since the day she was born. So, I loved the given name, accepted the certain nickname begrudgingly, and now I greatly prefer her nickname.
I was worried about the name/spelling Rafael on a white kid but it hasn’t been an issue. I do think people are a bit surprised though.
For each pregnancy, I ended up breaking a naming rule I made for myself, because my favorite names… violated them LOL. None has ended up mattering at all. Hormones are really something, but REALLY VALID AT THE TIME HOO BOY
1) Last name ends in “th” sound and I generally avoided first names that also had “th” sound since I thought it sounded like lisping. Except then named first kid Theodore (Theo).
2) Wasn’t sure fave nickname for second kid flowed great with the last name, since they both start with glottal stops. Went with August/Gus anyway. I notice it but it doesn’t bother me and no one has ever said anything to me about it. Helps that August goes GREAT with his middle name and last name.
3) Went with a first name/nickname combo for third and final kid that wasn’t the most natural declension…mostly b/c husband wasn’t totally in love with first name but liked the nickname a lot. I can think of one, maybe two people who mentioned that they seem like different names. Meh – no biggie. I love them both and I LOVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVE her first name. (Mabel nn Maisie)
I still feel it was time well spent to think all those scenarios through!
Also, this isn’t quite the same thing, but someone else mentioned it and it was true for me, too: I was surprised that my runner-up names and my opposite sex names were NEVER the frontrunners for subsequent babies. I still like them all a lot, but we TOTALLY went back to the drawing board each time.
Are you me?? Theodore/Theo/Teddy and August/Gus were our top two boy names (although we ended up using neither, naturally). Margaret/Maisie is my hypothetical daughter.
Hilarious! ALSO, the first names we went back and forth on for our daughter were Mabel (my choice) and Margaret (husband’s choice), with the Maisie nn either way GET OUT OF MY BRAIN LOL
I was worried about naming Lorelei because of the “After Gilmore Girls?” comments and the spelling/pronunciation issues. We’ve definitely dealt with all that, but I still love the name and I’m glad we used it. We get a lot of compliments on it. She’s also the kind of kid that will correct people if they spell/say it wrong, so that’s good.
It’s weird because Ella gets called “Emma” a lot and Charlotte gets mispronounced as “Char-LOT” way more
than I ever thought would happen, so I think no name is safe from needing clarification.
For the first two kids, I was concerned that, despite OUR love for them, the names would be too “out there” for society. Little did we know that American culture was on the cusp of “out there” names!
With the next five kids, we just rode the groove we’d created and have been most pleased with how much the kids like their names.
The girls all have commonly accepted nicknames from generations past, so those are familiar without ever being shared with a peer.
Everyone’s names feel cohesive, but nothing is matchy-matchy.
Another thing that had been worrisome was when we adopted children who did not share the ethnicity of our surname! We wondered if we should give them specifically-ethnic first names to balance things out. (For example: Leif Rodriguez). In the end, we just stuck to our family style, and the kids who came home through adoption have said how much it meant to them to be given a name that showed them immediately that they belonged.
Whew!!
Swistle, I wrote to you in November 2010 FLIPPING OUT because our acquaintances had used the name we planned to use for our daughter (Amelia). It has mattered not one lick. My husband goes mountain biking with “the other Amelia’s dad” a couple times a month, but we never really see the mom or children. And even if we did, it wouldn’t be a big deal. I’m so glad I followed your advice and stayed with the name!
I was worried that my younger son would hate his middle name, We gave him my grandfather’s name which is an uncommon, flowery sounding French name. I worried that it made his name too clunky as it doesn’t really flow well between his first and last name and given that it is so uncommon I thought he might be embarrassed by it (didn’t we all know a kid who refused to share their middle name?). But I love my grandpa and really wanted to honor him so we used it – clunky and all.
Using my grandfathers middle name has turned out to be such a joy! It makes me happy and proud every time we use his middle name and it has sparked a lot of conversations to share with my son what a special man he is named for. My son already liked his name but to top it off, HAMILTON was released. My sons middle name is the same as “your favorite fighting French man – Lafayette!” We are huge Hamilton fans so that has been so much fun and my son loves having that connection. That was certainly something I never could have predicted but even without it, my worries were unfounded.
That’s awesome.
I moderately regretted giving my son the middle name Jack instead of John, since it was an honor name for my husband’s granddad (Jack) and his dad (John) and his own middle name (John). But then we gave my daughter the middle name Kate (for his grandmother Kathleen) and now I like how they both have nickname type first middle names (of their 3 middle names each!).