Hello!!
I, like so many of us, have had extra time to ponder names as of late and have a serious question.
I have a 3 year old daughter named Rosalie Jennifer (for my sister). And a 1 year old son named Alfred Paul Andrew (named for both grandfathers – we couldn’t pick!). When I was pregnant with my daughter Anne was a strong contender for a middle name, because both grandmothers share this name (as a middle themselves)so everyone assumed that would be the middle name. And honestly I loved it and wanted it as a first name (husband didn’t like!) but for some stubborn reason (bc everyone had an opinion about it of course and pregnancy hormones?!) I didn’t want it and went with honoring my sister (which I am very happy about still!!). However, since then 2 middle names has seemed less weird and cumbersome and more WHY THE HECK NOT! Hence my sons two middles. And as a consequence I’m seriously regretting not giving my daughter “Jennifer Anne”. I’m sad I didn’t get to honor the grandmas too! We are done having kids, so future honor names are out. I’ve broached the subject of adding to her name to husband and he’s on board. I’ve brought it up with her and she’s fine with it! Except she would also like to add “bunny rabbit” haha!
But is this another flippant desire?! Are two middle names actually cumbersome?! (My sons only 1 so no idea so far!). Is it worth all the time and effort? And lastly, is it completely past being an “honor” name if it’s tacked on years later?!
Thanks for all the help!
Sure, do it! I mean, when the pandemic is over and it is safe to do so! This is one of those naming regrets that’s relatively easy to fix; and the explanation (“We/I just always regretted not honoring the grandmas”) is so endearing; and the change makes your kids’ names even more pleasingly coordinated; and everyone involved is on board, so I say why not?
I do suggest changing your framing: “tacking it on years later,” “flippant desire,” etc. She is still so very little, and a formal/legal court name change is hardly “tacking it on”; nor would a second middle name be any more tacked-on than it was in the case of your son’s name. I suspect the word choices are coming from you feeling a little sheepish/self-conscious about changing the name at this point, but we want to make sure that doesn’t come across to the grandmothers as saying that adding their name is silly and no big deal and maybe doesn’t even count as an honor anymore. Make it a serious sentimental deal to THEM (use the word choices that are more like “seriously regretted” and “honestly I loved it” and “sad I didn’t get to honor the grandmas too”), and you don’t even have to tell many other people if you don’t want to.
I have two middle names myself, and so do all my kids, and I have not found it cumbersome. The only real downside is that some forms only have room for one middle name/initial, which is annoying but not cumbersome: we just all picked which middle name we were going to use as a default, for consistency (i.e., so we don’t have some forms where we’re FirstName A. Thistle and others where we’re Firstname L. Thistle).
On the other hand, I don’t know exactly how much fuss and expense is involved in making a change like this, so I am hoping some others here have gone through this and can give a little report on what was involved. My impression is that there is a fee in the “not shocking but not nothing” range (e.g., $100, $150, $200, something like that), and that there is some paperwork to fill out, and that there is a court appointment; and that then you have to go around to a couple of other places (Social Security, etc.) to show them the court papers and make the change, and then there are probably some phone calls (changing her name with health insurance, that sort of thing). Similar to changing a surname at marriage, but less so in some ways (not as big a change, and no driver’s license or utilities or bank accounts or IRS to deal with) and more so in other ways (not as familiar a change, so clerks will be less accustomed to dealing with it).
Do it! I was given two middle names, and so was my brother, and as a result it seems standard to me and I chose the same for my son (and will do so for a hopeful future child). I honestly wonder why people don’t do this more often, when it means more chances to use beloved names. It’s actually really fun to say “I have two middle names.” The fact that I sometimes have to omit one on paperwork feels irrelevant. It doesn’t feel cumbersome or like it means one of my names isn’t really part of my name; it feels like an efficiency-based limitation of the paperwork itself.
I’m not totally sure about this, but I believe that most of the entities I pay bills to (utility companies, etc.) only care about my social security number, and don’t even have my middle names on file. I think that the logistical inconvenience will be short-lived.
AND, I think it’s really nice for both of your children to have two, since parents seem to so often avoid giving their daughters second middle names because of patriarchal naming systems.
I agree to do it! For all the right reasons. I’m in Canada, and we changed our second daughter’s middle names when she was nine months old. It cost about $100, relatively little paperwork and we got new ID a few weeks later. In our case Daughter 1 is TweakHonourName / NameWeLove / My Surname / HisSurname. Daughter 2 was TweakHonour / PlaceNameSignifigantToUsButUnusableAsName / MySurname / HisSurname. I started dwelling on the fact that daughter 2 didn’t have a fallback name in the middle in case she ever didn’t like her first (very nicknamey name.) So we brainstormed changing Middle1 to a name we loved, but at the last moment I realized I could accomplish something I didn’t realize had been bugging me, and that was honouring my mom’s side too, since my surname is my fathers. So she became TweakHonourName / NameWeLove / HonourMyMaternalLine / HisSurname. I was so proud of the change, so happy to share it with our family and now at 4, she loves saying her full name and it amuses her to see a different name on her first Christmas ornament. Now that the girls are 7 and 4, and have gone through school registration etc I know the two middles is really no big deal. The joy of their full names makes any paperwork, or that initial ‘is this weird?’ feeling about doing the change, totally worth it! Do it do it!
I strongly want to add my maiden name as a second middle name for my kids. My husband has my maiden name as a second middle, and so do I, and I just get annoyed with myself every time I think about it and why didn’t I. So far our hangup is that our youngest has my maiden as his only middle, so he would need a new FIRST middle name, and we can’t agree on one.
Alternatively, you could just start saying she has two middle names and not go the legal name change route. It’s a pretty annoying process, if I recall, and a second middle name will probably get dropped on a lot of forms anyways (like when there’s space for just one middle initial).
When I got married, I changed my name from First Middle Maiden, to First Maiden HisSurname, but I kind of wish I’d done First Middle Maiden HisSurname instead. But rather than change it again, I just sometimes go by the two middles version. Middle names are more personally relevant than legally important anyways :)
Remember that in the US the Social Security office doesn’t care about middle names. So go for it!
I changed my first and middle at age 13. It was not a big deal. Small piece of paper, medium-sized fee, 5 mins with a bored judge. I do keep my name change certificate around and, since I changed my FIRST name, I list it under Previous Names on background checks along with my maiden name. Wouldn’t bother in this case. But I genuinely can’t remember the last time I had to show the paper to anyone. Wait, yes I do, it was for my first driver’s license because my birth cert has my birth name. Haven’t needed it in 14 years.
But whether you do the paperwork or not, start calling her Rosalie Jennifer Anne. A name is a real, living thing that belongs to a person. Paperwork is just how we track it.
I appreciate this question and these answers so much! I want to do the same for my 17 mo son – add my maiden name as a second middle. I hesitated because they would be “P.P.” as initials, but now, I realize that doesn’t matter. He doesn’t have to use both middle initials if he doesn’t want to.
I am currently debating this *exact* same thing. I have two surname middles, and I want to add one each to my two kids who both have my husband’s last name (we’re also finished having children). I didn’t think it mattered whether or not my kids share my family names when we were naming them, but it’s become more and more important to me (they are 5 and 1.5). I haven’t brought it up with my husband yet because I’ve been trying to examine my own motivations (e.g., whether or not I am crazy). It’s reassuring and validating to find someone else grappling with the same situation. Good luck to you!
When we adopted my daughter, we used her Chinese name as her middle, which I love and value very highly. But there’s a traditional middle name that every first daughter on my mom’s side has had, going back five generations, and I would have loved to use it if she hadn’t already had a middle name. But now I really regret not just having two middle names. It literally never occurred to me. And now she’s 15 so it seems too late.