Dear Swistle,
I try to pay attention to initials, and we are considering a name that would spell DAB. I don’t mind the fact that the word is a fairly innocuous verb, but I am more concerned that a Google search of the word brings up a page filled with references to marijuana, and the dance/picture pose fad. I am not highly into pop culture, so I am seeking input to see if this is something that will be commonly picked up on. Will the dance/picture fad be old enough by the time the baby is old enough for conversation that it won’t be something that comes to mind amongst their peers? Perhaps your readers could share opinions on this?
Thank you
My vote is that this is a non-issue. My own preference is to avoid initials spelling things when possible, and I’m familiar with the annoying dab pose (I had to look up the marijuana term), and this still feels like a big shrug to me if you love the name.
When I’m trying to figure out if a naming issue is a problem (like when initials spell something, or when the first name blends into the surname), what I do is think about what bad thing could happen as a result of the initials/blending; I can’t picture anything very bad happening here. What if in elementary school your child’s peers find out their initials, AND people are still dabbing, AND those little kids know more than I do about marijuana vocabulary? WHAT THEN?? Nothing important, is what. And that’s IF they find out the initials! And if there WAS a “What’s your middle name?”/”What are your initials?” trend (there was at my school, but to be fair I was the one who started it and I have always been more than normally interested in names), there would definitely be other kids with slightly odd/funny initials to take some of the heat.
I should have asked my kids before they went to school, but I’m imagining what they’d do if they found out a friend had the initials DAB. Elizabeth’s group of friends (9th graders) does some mild affectionate recurring name-related teasing, and here are some of the things she’s mentioned:
1) Occasionally calling someone a funny mispronunciation of their name, especially if it happened in a group experience (e.g., the substitute teacher mispronounced someone’s name, or someone once mistyped the name in a group chat)
2) Occasionally pretending a nickname is short for a different name/word (e.g., pretending to think Addy is short for Advertisement)
3) Occasionally using a nickname the person doesn’t use (e.g., calling an Elizabeth “Betsy” or “Liz” when she only goes by Elizabeth)
4) Occasionally calling someone by their full name, especially if the middle name is considered by the group to be embarrassing (generally the vintage-revival or honor names we love here, so that I am constantly saying “But that’s a LOVELY name!” while Elizabeth rolls her eyes).
My guess is that there would be the occasional “Calling the person ‘DAB’ and then doing that dumb pose,” and that that’s all there would be to it—and that even THAT is somewhat unlikely to happen. (Elizabeth is more than typically interested in names, and the running name-related jokes are not happening in any of my other kids’ friend groups.)
Twitter poll: Are the initials DAB enough of an issue that they shouldn’t use the name? [poll closed; see results below]
I went to school with a male with the initials PMS and we made fun of it one time when we were all really too young to even know what it was. And that was the extent of it as far as his classmates mocking a truly bad set of initials. All it’s meant is that I’ve never forgotten his middle name, thirty years later. I used to read the birth announcements and read the three letter initials to myself to find any bad ones and even I think DAB is safe!
Agree with Swistle!
My brother (31 yo) has these initials. I can double check but I am effectively sure this has been a non-issue in his life.
I think initials that spell something really negative (think FAT, KKK, or ASS) are a dealbreaker. But DAB is nowhere near that category. The truth is, most kids don’t know the middle names or initials of their friends. If it comes up (and assuming it’s not something obvious like FAT) it’s likely to be a short term memory kind of thing anyway. FWIW, I was aware of both the dance and drug reference and I still had to think for a minute what could possibly be the problem with DAB. Use the name you love-it’ll be fine.
Now I’m so curious about which vintage revival names the teens find embarrassing these days! And I want a co-written Swistle/Elizabeth blog post analyzing the name tastes of Gen Z.
Agree that DAB is a non-issue.
My 14 year old doesn’t especially enjoy her name, Rose, because friends commented that it’s an “old name, like from the 80s.” I corrected her that it is older than that. She also had some kids start calling her “Flower” which she didn’t like either. She has told me that she hates all old names and would never call her own kids “old people names”.
She has a friend named Janet, which my husband and I found super unusual, but she didn’t. There’s such a wide variety of names at school that ones that sound super unusual to me, sound normal to her, since she knows kids with the name. For example a girl named Navy.
Growing up in the 70s and 80s, I remember feeling sorry for anyone whose name was more unusual than Jennifer, Julie, Heather, Lisa, or Amy … but I have also noticed that name-teasing is almost non-existent among today’s kids, even when boys have names that are more often given to girls (e.g., Fran, Sal, Morgan, Taylor) . That said, I do know of a few examples of affectionate nicknames bestowed by friends: Gillian pronounced with a hard G, Olive as a peer-bestowed short form of Olivia, and my favorite, a Margaret whose closest friends insist on calling her Marge.
LLBean makes backpacks with initials on them. I remember distinctively a friend who’s initials spelled MAP. My son is in 3rd grade and the DAB is wildly popular. However, he does not know any of his friends initials unless they have that same LLBean backpack that they do still sell & parents do still buy. All to say, I agree with Swistle. It’s not a big deal and let’s all hope the DAB is long forgotten in 5-6 years!
There’s always the monogram style that puts the last initial in between the first and middle. Then it’s even less of an issue – DBA.
I think DAB is fine for initials. I don’t know the drug reference, but do know the dance move. I feel like that has faded away some, since it’s initial “thing”. So it may not even be a thing by the time your child is in school and if it is, it’s not like it’s a bad thing.
Honestly, I think it would be kind of cute to lean into if dabbing is still a thing. I do think if it were today and my older son saw the initials on a backpack, he MIGHT make the connection and do the pose, but that seems like the absolutely mildest form of teasing possible. The drug reference is relatively obscure.
My initials before I was married spelled HAK, and it really never bothered me. Similarly innocuous word, I guess it could be made fun of if someone really wanted to, but *shrug.* Most classmates don’t know your middle initial or middle name for that matter anyway. I’ve never heard my 8 or 6 year olds comment on anyone’s initials. I don’t even know most of their friend’s middle names, and I’m a name nerd.
I’m not sure my 6yo knows any of his classmates’ surnames, never mind middle! His best friend’s Arielle and he doesn’t know hers. (I just checked.)
I suspect both dance and pot slang will be “old” by the time today’s babies are old enough to notice.
My child is PPZ (Swistle actually was against the PP part but I went with what felt right in the end) and literally, not one single person who I’ve asked about their thoughts on their initials has understood my concern. They could be feigning ignorance, but everyone is like, PPZ, who cares? No one seems to consider the middle name. Agree with others, unless it’s KKK or ASS, etc, it’s pretty much a non-issue.