Hi ,
So I hate my last name. My last name is Landon with an extra letter. Lately I’ve been debating on whether I should change it when I turn 18 next year.
Reasons why I don’t like it –
– It gets confused super regularly. I get London , Lamden , Lanton and I’ve even gotten Lambert a couple of times. This is not helped by the fact that my name Maddison is often confused for Madeline , Madelyn or Maggie/Mattie when people call me Maddie.
– It is the last name of my only living grandparent who I have a very complicated relationship with.
– I don’t think it sounds great with my first name.I wouldn’t change my first name or my middle name because I like them and they have significant value to me due to the fact my mother and her mother chose them together before I was born (her mother is no longer alive and I sadly never met her).
There is two reasons why I would not change it. The first is my mother is not a fan of the idea. My dad (whose last name it is) doesn’t seem bothered but I’d have to chat with him about it again before I made a decision. The second is that I am an only child and my dad only has one other sibling who her and her children have different names. That means the last name would die with my dad if I didn’t use it. So even though I don’t like it there is that weird pressure. Is that crazy?
With a new last I would prefer something easier to wear and can’t be confused for anything else. My ideas so far are Brooks , Baxter (which is the maiden name of the grandmother I never met) or Sorenson (which breaks all my rules but a similar style would be nice).
So what do you think should I change it when I turn 18 next year , wait a few years then change it , wait until I get married or not change it at all?
Thank you for your time.
Maddison
Last names are so often problematic: hard to spell, hard to pronounce, unfamiliar, easily mistaken for each other. Pretty much everyone is accustomed to spelling their surname every time they give it, and none of the options you’re considering seem immune from that. I am reminded of a family friend with a difficult surname who, as she was dialing a pizza place, told us that she was going to give her surname as Smith to avoid all the usual spelling/pronunciation complications. At this point the pizza place answered the phone, and all we heard was our friend’s side of the conversation: “Yes, I’d like to order a large pepperoni pizza for carry-out. Uh huh. Smith.” Then a pause and a huge heavy sigh, followed by a clenched-teeth “S…M…I…T…H.”
I think if I were you I would wait a bit. It sounds as if you’re not sure yet what kind of change you’d like to make, so deliberately choosing a holding pattern for now might reduce the stress: knowing that you CAN change it and probably WILL change it, but that there’s no reason to rush it and make a change before you feel pretty comfortable with what you want.
While waiting, I recommend the combination of enunciation + automatic spelling. Really work your lips wide around the letters: it feels foolish at first, but I swear I’ve reduced by 95% the number of times I get called Christine instead of Kristen, just by saying my name with slightly overdone lip movements. You: “My name is Maddison LAANNDDONN, that’s L-A-N, D-O-N.” If you notice one particular error being made more often than others, you can clarify that section with additional clues: “That’s L, A, N-as-in-November, D-as-in-dog, O, N.” It’s possible the whole thing would bug you less if we could reduce the error rate—or if that doesn’t help at all, that’s good information to have, too.
Around here we often suggest “the Starbucks test”: this is a test in which a parent considering a baby name goes to Starbucks (or anywhere they ask your name) and gives the potential baby name as their own. It’s a good way to check for issues and reactions: maybe “Pebbles” seems like an adorable name when you’re picturing a sweet baby girl, but it suddenly seems like a terrible idea when you have to say it to the barista. When Paul and I were engaged and considering choosing a new surname for both of us, we tried out various options at restaurants with waiting lists: we’d have to say it to the hostess, and also hear it called out when it was our turn. This test is probably obsolete now that most restaurants give out vibrating pagers. But you could try out the various names on friends: tell them the name as if you were introducing yourself (“Hi, I’m Maddison Brooks”), and see if they hear it properly and can spell it properly. Try it over the phone, particularly.
Turning 18 is a nice natural transition point if you were certain about the name you wanted, but on the other hand it comes with a flavor of parental disapproval, as if you had to wait for legal adulthood to have the right to go against your parents’ wishes (even if that is not at all what is going on).
Speaking of family, a name change has the potential to make the complicated grandparent relationship more complicated. You and your family would know best on this, and I’d suggest consulting your dad on that when you’re having a chat about how he feels about the surname. Check with your mom, too.
If you are pretty certain you’d want to take your spouse’s surname, then marriage is a nice time to make the change—and easier too, because it can be done as part of the marriage and you don’t have to go separately through the name-changing process. Plus, it’s an easy change to explain. But perhaps you would not want to take your spouse’s name, either for philosophical reasons or because the new spouse’s surname didn’t appeal or was just as problematic as your own. Or perhaps you’re not sure at this point, or you don’t want to have to wait that long. I don’t think you should feel you OUGHT to wait for marriage to make the change, when there are so many unpredictable variables involved.
If you become sure you want to change it, it would be ideal to change it before getting any professional degree certificates. On the other hand, it happens all the time that a person gets a degree and then changes their surname at a later time, so again I’d prioritize “being sure of what you want about the surname” over convenience/timing issues.
On the topic of the family name possibly dying out, are you considering keeping the name and also giving it to your children? Or are you thinking you wouldn’t use it for your children, but that it would be better to let it die one generation later, with you instead of with your dad? If you don’t think you’d want to give it to your children, then I don’t think it matters if it ends with your dad or with you. If you would want to give it to your children, then there are a lot of future unknown variables and I am not sure what to advise; I think I’d advise the same holding pattern but with a longer-term feel to it. Or I might want to know if there are other family names in your family tree that are on the verge of extinction and could be saved instead. I definitely don’t think you should feel obligated to personally continue the surname.
I’d just add another thought which is you could add your new last name without dropping Landon. Sure it’s a long legal name but it gives you all sorts of emotional and social flexibility. It lets you keep the name in honor of your dad and for future generations to pass on as a middle name if you ever want that, but it excuses you from forever having to hear it as your surname and cause confusion. If you go that route, I like Brooks best for you. Maddison Landon Baxter has a lot of AH and ON sounds and Brooks mixes it up a bit.
I didn’t love my maiden name (it was very similar to Waffle), but I kept it and just changed my name when I got married. I found it quite easy to change with a marriage certificate and didn’t take a lot of time. I’m particularly lazy, so if I were you, I would just leave it until you get married and then if you like your husband/wife’s name you can take their name. If you don’t like their name, you can just change it to whatever you want at that time and avoid 2 name changes.
My married name is fairly common, but I ALWAYS have to spell it out as there are multiple spellings for it.
If you do decide to change it, I like Baxter as it has some family significance.
Best of luck!
I had a difficult to pronounce maiden name. It was soooo annoying. I waited until I got married to change it, because it’s easier at that time. My new last name is very easy to pronounce, but I have to spell it every time. “That’s an E-N, not O-N.” I’m happy with the change, but it’s not problem free.
I would wait a few years, just to be sure this is what you want to do.
My last name is one syllable and I have to spell it every time.
I think waiting is a good idea, with one exception: if the grandparent the name came from abused you in ANY way, and you find the name a reminder, please change it and don’t feel like you need anyone’s approval or blessing.
Otherwise–you still don’t need anyone’s approval or blessing, but they sometimes make life easier.
For what it’s worth, I like your current last name, but you’re the one who has to live with it. You might research what the procsss is in your state in the meantime.
I have what should be an easy last name. Rhymes with Harris. I spell it allll the time.
I would wait. I never particularly like my common sounding last name, especially in combo with my common (for the early 80s) first and middle name. I always thought I’d take my future spouse’s name. And then when faced with the decision, I kept my maiden name. It was *my name* despite my relationship with my dad. (It didn’t hurt that while my last name still needs to be spelled, it’s easier than my husband’s last name). I don’t regret keeping it.
In your case, the only aspect that would make me consider changing my last name is the complicated relationship with your grandfather. If you have a good relationship with your dad, maybe it helps to think of it in terms of your relationship with him rather than your grandfather and see if that makes a difference for you. But at the end of the day you’re going to have to be the one to decide if that sours the name for you. For whatever it’s worth, I like “Landon.”
I hope that helps.
I have a very common last name (see: Michael, Janet, Jermaine, Jesse), and rarely need to spell it, but sometimes I do anyway, because my first name gets misspelled more often than one might think and also I am relatively soft-spoken. I personally do not find it a bother now, in my early 30s, but when I was younger I hated correcting people, so it bothered me more. I also have a complicated relationship with my father and his side of the family, but I tend to view my surname as my own, disconnected from them. I recognize that everyone has different feelings about this, but wanted to share a different perspective.
I tend to agree with the advice to wait until you are certain what you want to change it to, with a couple of notes that I feel are important to consider:
– I would not advise the plan to wait until you get married for the simple reason that you may not get married. Or, if you do, your spouse’s last name may be even less desirable than your current one. I think if you would like to change your surname, you should plan to do it for you.
– I would be mindful of the fact that if you choose to change your surname for your own purposes from about your mid-20s onward, many people who know you in an acquaintance capacity (colleagues, clients, congregation members, neighbors, former classmates, etc.) will automatically assume that you have done so because you got married. This may not bother you at all, but it is something to bear in mind, as you mention wanting to decrease the time you spend correcting people.
– I would also be mindful of the fact that, depending upon your career aspirations, it may be advantageous to have continuity of your name from college to career, for more reasons than names on degrees/certifications. Recognition of you and your achievements and reputation is important.
Certainly Swistle has it right that picking the correct name and feeling certain about it should override any of these considerations.
I just came to say that my father is the only boy of 6 children and he had 2 daughters. Both my sister and I took our husband’s last name when we married and then went on to have daughters. In high school I assumed that if I got married and had a daughter, I’d use my maiden name as her middle name since my maiden name is Bever1y. I didn’t give my first (and sadly, probably only) daughter any honor names, and my sister named both her daughters after our mom. I truly regret not honoring my dad now that I am 38 and (most likely) done having children. Of course, I also regret not giving our daughter her great-grandmother’s name as a middle since she was the first great-grandchild, And she shares her birthday, And g-g-ma passed away last year. So, while I do love her name, if I were to go back in time and get rid of current regrets, she would either have 4+ names, or I’d have a whole other set of regrets. All this to say, you never know how you are going to feel about a name in a year or a decade. All we can do is make the best decision possible with the info we have now. Go with your gut, and know that if you feel you made a mistake in a year or a decade, change it again. Yes, it’s a pain and yes, maybe it will change some people’s opinion of you, but it’s your life and it’s your name. You use it every day and you should be *at least* comfortable with it.
My good friends last name is Brooks and she says she spells it often. I think people often don’t listen well or don’t have great hearing. I have a super easy last name which people randomly struggle with. So I don’t have any helpful thought about changing your last name, just a caution that all last names can have issues.
Honestly, if your primary reason for changing it is spelling/pronunciation issues, I’d suggest that you not bother changing it. My maiden name is fairly simple to say, but it is not very common, and there are 3 or 4 “standard” spellings. It was sometimes a pain to have to spell it out. When I changed to my husband’s surname, I assumed I wouldn’t have to bother with any of it. His surname is about as generic as Smith/Jones and is also a commonly used word (think Green/Fields/Pond/etc.). I assumed nobody could possibly screw it up. Boy was I wrong. I have to spell/correct/explain his simple, common- word surname just as often as I did my maiden name.
If your primary reason for changing it is because of family estrangements, bad relationships, etc., then I think that’s another issue, and might make the hassle of a change worth it.
People can be so emotional over names. My dad assumed that none of his grandkids would have his surname since Dad had only daughters and kids usually have their father’s surname. He practically cried when he realized we’d given our first a hyphenated double surname. And Dad’s is first. (We liked the sound better that way) My husband actually wants to take my name but he has to be the one to explain to his parents, who we suspect would take it badly, so he’s still Mc__.
Definitely talk to your dad and take your time.
When I was in high school my dad was only present in my life on and off. I wanted to change my last name to my mom’s maiden name because I felt more supported by her family. I did not make the change. My dad and I did not have as good a relationship as my mom and I did, but I think changing my name would have made it worse. It would have been a clear, purposeful and PERMANENT sign I didn’t really care to be associated with him or with my distant relatives. I’m glad I didn’t change it because our relationship is actually much better now. I did change my name when I got married as my maiden name did still semi remind me of the years I wanted to give it up and my reasons for wanting to. But changing it when I got married was a natural time to do it which didn’t leave anyone offended or harm any relationships.
I believe surnames aren’t about simplicity or flow but about where you come from. So if you do change it, I would change it to something meaningful to you and your roots. Good luck.
My maiden name is a very LONG very GERMAN name. I had to spell it EVERY TIME. It was mispronounced constantly. Such is life. My first husband, whose name I took, also very LONG very GERMAN name. Same issues. My second husband, whose name I have taken – short, super common name. Like, Miller or Johnson or Smith or Stewart. Yet I STILL get asked how to spell it, not always – but it happens. It does help that my first name is easily spelled, so most of the time people don’t ask. So I’m only spelling one name – my last. In any case, because I have degrees in different last names, and also publications with my 1st married name, I’m sometimes wishing I’d never changed it from the beginning (even with the difficult 14 letter German name)- everything would be the same at this point. However, the US culture is such that females generally take their husbands name, so here we are.
Back in the early 90s, I had a good friend who married. They didn’t like either of their last names and they came up with Landen as a new choice. So someone may be hoping for YOUR last name!
I think that you are probably the only one who can decide if and when to change your last name. One thing about surnames that I think is important is that there is a connection to where you came from, and your family’s historical roots. SO my advice is to look in your family tree for a name that feels more like you, rather than just picking a name from a list. It should reflect something or someone that you feel connected to, and not just a collection of sounds. I had always assumed that I would take my husband’s last name but then once I did, I was surprised at how weird it felt to have someone else’s last name, that said nothing about me or who/where I had come from.
I would just offer that a lot of changes happen to your identity between the years of 18-22. If you’re soon to make a life change that will bring you into contact with a new peer group, it makes sense that you are thinking of this now, so you can introduce yourself as the name you’ve chosen. Yet, I think you might make a better choice, a more lasting choice, a I’m-as-sure-as-if-I was-getting-a-tattoo kind of choice once you’ve delved a little deeper into the next stage of your life. This may bring you clarity around questions such as whether you hope to get married someday and if you would take your partner’s name if so, as well as just generally what type of identity you hope to carve out for yourself from a social and career perspective. Just my two cents!
At 18 I wanted to change my surname! By the time I married at 30 I loved it so much I didn’t take. Y husband’s name. I’d wait a while.