Update on Baby Boy Sofeeoh, Brother to Ian and Reagan!

Update (and photo!) on Baby Naming Issue: Tucker Rhymes with, Um…

Hello,

My husband and I are completely stalled on a name for our second son. I am 6 months pregnant, and given that we had our first named even before we knew his gender, having no name this late in the game is causing some serious stress!

We have one child, a son named August. We are looking for a name for our second son that is uncommon (definitely not in the top 100 on the Social Security list), but not bizarre — one that won’t require him to spell or pronounce it for the rest of his life. I love the idea of a name that has sentimental value for us, is a traditionally English or Scandinavian name, or a name that has a nature feel. I despise the “modern” boys names: Jaden, Brayden, Jaxon, etc. I am not opposed to word names (I threw Author on the table at one point), but we are set on not using names that start with A or E so as not to double up on initials. We know the middle name will be Adam, after my brother.

Our last name starts with a true “E” sound, which I find really limits our options. For example, we loved the name Jude, but when said with the last name, it sounds like “Judy.” Same goes for “Louis” (French pronunciation) — it ends up “Louis-y.”

Here are some names we’re considering:

Lu (for my grandmother, Lucy, who was called “Lu” by my late grandfather) — I love it, but my husband thinks it looks Asian. Also a sweet nod to baby’s in-womb nickname, Moon. My husband suggested naming him Lune, the French word for moon, but I won’t do it because it sounds just like “loon.”

Wilder — This one evokes the image of the kind of boys I imagine having: free, happy, lovers of nature. Also a strong connection to literature, which is a positive for us. This was the first name that felt like the right fit to me, but my husband isn’t sold on it.

Theo/Theodore — This is my husband’s favorite name, but we fear it is becoming too common.

Holland — We thought we came up with this name out of nowhere, only to find out that it is becoming increasingly popular for girls. While I’m OK with being gender-neutral, I don’t want a name that is more commonly feminine.

Holden — This has been a lurker on our list and was originally bumped for Holland because we had stronger ties to Holland. I’m willing to consider bringing it back.

Lowen — This is the Cornish word for “happy.” It would be a nice way to bring in my heritage into play, since August is such a German name (my husband’s heritage and our strong German last name). I worry that it’s just too much like the common “Owen” but with an L.

Oscar vs. Otto — I like Oscar, my husband likes Otto. I’m concerned that Otto just pushes the German thing too far for us. I also have a distant family connection to Oscar, but fear it also may be gaining popularity.

Names we like but won’t use for one reason or another: Finn, Hugo, Linden, Truman, Atticus, Edison. If baby were a girl, she would have been Hazel, Lucy or June.

Please help!

Lu looks feminine to me: the short form of Lucy, Lucille, etc., sometimes doubled to make Lulu. Lou is the spelling more commonly used for boys, though can also be used for girls (short for Louise, Louisa, Marylou, etc.). Lu is not currently used as a given name in the United States, and it seems to me it goes beyond the level of unusual you’re looking for: with a brother named August, it’s a surprising and unfamiliar choice. With the surname, it is likely to be heard as Louie.

Wilder seems more what you’re looking for. My only hesitation is about names that seem to express a hope for a particular type of child. If your boys are instead indoorsy anxious introverts, the name August still works fine, but the name Wilder could feel like a misfit. This concern is a mild one (I use the word “hesitation” deliberately: only a pause, not necessarily a stop), but I do always feel it with a particular slim category of names I think of as “Expectation Names”: Maverick, Patience, Princess, Zeus, Serenity. Most parents have an idea or hope for the type of child they will have, and may put some of that idea/hope into the name when they choose Clarissa over Hayden or vice versa—but it isn’t particularly comical or startling if a Clarissa is athletic and hates pink, or if a Hayden is super-ultra girly. The name Wilder seems to me to be right on the edge: I think because of the literary association, it feels like it could still work on a skinny little guy in glasses who was the opposite of wild—but I feel just a little uneasy about it all the same.

The name Theodore is rising in popularity, but it’s my favorite from your list as a brother name for August. In 2013 (the 2014 data will be out in early May), the Social Security Administration shows the name August at #319 and Theodore at #170; but both names are rising.

Perhaps because of the nickname Holly, the name Holland is unisex-used-more-often-for-girls. In 2013, the name was given to 206 new baby girls and 44 new baby boys.

Holden is another nice literary choice, and good with August. It seems like a good alternative to Holland: all the same sounds, but currently used almost exclusively for boys. (Only 8 new baby girls named Holden in 2013; for comparison, there were 14 new baby girls named David.)

Lowen seems feminine to me, I think because of Lindsay Lohan—a mildly negative association for me, though one that will likely be an issue only for your peers and not for the child’s peers. The current usage is exclusively boy (17 new baby boys named Lowen in 2013; not in the data base for girls), probably because of the “Owen with an L” situation you mention. I might have suggested Lowell instead, but when I said it out loud I thought of LOL (said as one word to rhyme with “roll,” as opposed to saying each letter).

The name Oscar is currently dropping in popularity, and has been for the last decade. I find “August and Oscar” difficult to say together; they seem very similar in sound.

“August and Otto” is also a little difficult to say aloud, but less so—and of course, you won’t always be saying the names together. Otto is rising in popularity, but I think of that as a positive: it makes it easier to use.

From your list, my top three are Holden, Theodore, and Wilder.

So a baby boy is about to be born. He will be Anthony Steven B_______ the fifth.

My daughter wants to change the middle name to Scott. Does that take away the ability for this little guy to carry on the tradition?

I’m afraid so: the suffixes Jr., III, IV, etc., are only used if the name is exactly the same. However, I will note that the name police will not leap out and prevent her from doing it. And I think it’s sweet of her to want to honor her side of the family as well as her husband’s (if I’m making the correct assumption here based on your email address). It might make for a nice compromise and/or a gentle way to break the tradition: give the baby his father’s first name and surname, but use his mother’s father’s name for the middle and drop the V suffix.

Another option is to use the exact name and the suffix, but call him Scott. I went to school with a boy whose name was something like Howard Duke Polman IV, and he went by Scott. And I know a child whose name is something like Richard Paul Sampson IV, and he goes by Jack. When there are a lot of people in a family with the exact same name, nicknames get scarce and everyone gets more understanding of workarounds.

Another option is to use the exact name and the suffix, and save Scott for a possible future child. Maybe _____ Scott B_______ (for a boy or a girl), or Scott [mother’s maiden name, or another significant name from the mother’s side] B_______. I’d love to see it become a tradition that if one parent gets to use a naming tradition for one child, the other parent gets nearly full naming rights for the next child.

Hello!

I am pregnant with a baby girl – due end of June. I’d say we lean towards classic names. My son will be 3 and his name is Zachary Robert. In hindsight, Zachary took us a long time to find but was perfect once we did. Robert is both of our father’s names. I can barely remember what our other options were, maybe Thomas, Benjamin, Daniel? But before we found out that this baby was a girl, I was thinking about Ian or Theodore (family name).

My husband’s name is Matthew John. Mine is Valery Lynne. Our last name is like Sung but with a Y instead of the S.

Once we knew it was a girl, some of our favorites were Carolyn, Natalie, and Elizabeth. I had hesitations about such long versions; we sign our cards “Matt, Val, Zach and …” And I didn’t want it to sound like a mouthful at the end (plus didnt love nicknames for Carolyn or Nat(alie) and we disagreed on Libby/Lizzy). My husband liked Madison but we call him Matty a lot so Maddie as a nickname ruled it out. He also liked Zoey but I hated feeling locked into Z (we are likely a 2-3 child family at max). We briefly considered Chloe but didn’t love it.

We feel pretty strongly at this point between Quinn and Addison. I have a soft-spot for Quinn because it was the first one that felt ‘right.’ But. I think “Quinn _ung” sounds like it is missing something – a one syllable name with the surname needs a harder consonant ending, maybe? I think “Addison _ung” sounds very nice, and I like the sound of “Zach and Addy/Addie.” But – that soft-spot for Quinn is holding me back.

If you want to hear how much I can overanalyze – I have also been disenchanted by the idea that our kids will be either “A (to) Z” or they are both the 10-point tiles in Scrabble. Everyone tells me I’m crazy for even coming up with those.

As for a middle name, I like to choose something with meaning instead of the middle names that feel like filler, or were chosen because they sound right. My ailing grandmother’s maiden name is a frontrunner – Turini. I like how it sounds with Quinn better than Addison (but would still consider it anyway) , so a back-up would be Lynne (mine) or maybe Mary (a family name).

I’m really wrestling between the two and would love your opinion if you can squeeze us in. Please help!! I’m a planner and like to have it set in my mind before baby comes! Plus our brother-in-law is expecting twins right after us (genders TBD) and I want to share our name to avoid any mix-ups. Thank you!!

Valery

It is difficult to know what direction to take when a parent states a preference for one style of names (in this case, classic names) and then has finalists that don’t fit that preference. I thought it might be interesting to digress for a moment and discuss that here.

Both Quinn and Addison are modern unisex surname names; neither are classic. So one possible path would be to find you some older/traditional/classic names with the sounds of Quinn and Addison (Katherine, for example, or Adeline/Adelaide, or Abigail, or Madeline). Another possible path would be to ignore the stated preference for classic names, and/or to assume you’re using one of the many other possible meanings of the word classic (“not made-up,” for example, or “currently standard and familiar”), and address the question as asked.

It depends in part on sibling names, other names on the contender list, and planned family size. In this case, the sibling name could go with either possible path: Zachary is a modern take on an ancient name, and I think it goes equally well with a sister named Elizabeth or a sister named Addison. Other names on the contender list also support either path: on one hand you have Carolyn and Elizabeth; on the other hand you have Madison; and on the third hand you have Zoe/Zoey (an interesting combination of IS ancient and FEELS perfectly modern). Planned family size is more useful: if there will be two or three children at most, I’m not as worried about you getting stuck. If you choose Addison or Quinn this time, it looks as if there are plenty of other names that would work if there were a second girl later on, and I don’t see any issue with potential brother names, either.

Another important factor is how strongly the preferences are stated. First there is the part about leaning toward classic names (not very strongly stated), and then there is the part about being pretty strongly split between Quinn and Addison (much more strongly stated). So what I’m going to do is toss out that word “classic” and proceed with the question as asked: Quinn or Addison? /digression

I suggest both. Addison Quinn _ung. It gets rid of the issue of Quinn _ung feeling too abrupt to you, and also the issue of the soft spot for Quinn keeping you from using Addison. It gives you a middle name chosen for meaning: “Mom loved it too much not to use it; it was the first name that Felt Right to us when we were naming you.”

Another possibility is Adelynne. It combines Addison and Quinn, and also incorporates your middle name Lynne. It’s similar to Carolyn from your list, but still gives you the nickname Addie. Adelynne Turini _ung.

Gwen would give you some of the sound of Quinn, but without the Q.

Emerson would give you some of the sound of Addison, but without the A, and without the nickname that rhymes with her dad’s nickname. Matt, Val, Zach, and Emmie.

But if at all possible, I encourage you to ignore the A/Z and Scrabble-tile concerns. At absolute worst, those are cute. I also encourage you to see if you can make yourself ignore the issue of making the family name list look nice on annual Christmas cards. Imagine how you feel, opening other people’s cards: do you feel weird if you see one name longer than the others? For example: Dave, Jen, Cade, and Madison. Or: Jay, Steph, Josh, and Delaney. And if you do feel weird about it, would you say the feeling is powerful and lingering, or mild and fleeting?

There is a whole category of Baby Name Concerns that I remember from my own baby-naming days: it’s the category of “issues that matter very much during the naming process, but then never again after that.” As treatment (because I know how hard it can be to shake those things, or to know the difference between that category and the category of “issues that really will bug me permanently”), I recommend looking through a yearbook, or at the credits after a TV show or movie: so many names are non-ideal in one small way or another if we look closely at them, but it doesn’t matter at all. Even many names that are non-ideal in a larger way don’t matter at all: there are kids in my son’s yearbook named things such as Mason Thompson, which in a name post would have made me say “Uh oh, matched ending!,” and in real life didn’t get my attention until I was deliberately looking for names with issues. If I saw Quinn _ung in a yearbook or credits list, I wouldn’t flinch. All I would think if I noticed a Z and a Q in the same family is that the family liked cool initials. If I noticed a Z and an A, I might briefly and mildly think, “Oh…neat, like the two ends of the alphabet, but the other way around.”

Another exercise that was helpful for me was to think back on all the things that felt like big issues when naming previous children. So many of those issues had completely vanished once the baby was named, it was quite comforting to think about.

Dear Swistle,

My husband and I are expecting our second little boy in July! We are having a considerably harder time picking a name for him than we did for our first son. Our last name sounds like Mayer. Our first son is named Gabriel Logan (Logan is after my father) and we LOVE it. It fits him perfectly. For our second boy we want to use the middle name McDaniel, which is my maiden name. The perfect first name has eluded us so far. We definitely would like to stay away from any top 10 names. We also HATE “trendy” names like Paxton, Jax, etc.

Here are some names we like but probably will not use :

Hayes – very much so overused in our circle of friends.
Christian – love this one but we have a cousin who has a son named this. Would that be weird?
Hudson – this is dad’s middle name and feels special because of that. But neither of us think it feels right for this baby.
Marshall – I love this one but Dad isn’t wild about it.
Locke – dad doesn’t like this one
Reid – I do not like the meaning of this name for our baby.
Cormac – we like this one but it doesn’t seem to fit our style of names ( we worry it would stick out later on down the line if we have more kids)
Beau – a close friend is using this one.
Alexander – we like this but I want to save Alexandra in hopes of using it for a future baby girl.

If this little fella had been a girl some of the names we would have considered would have been Reese, Alexandra, and Mia. I feel like we would have definitely picked Reese.

Should we try to make one of these names work even though none feel right? Or start from square one? Thank you so much for your help!!

It would be helpful to know how many children you plan to have. If you’re almost certain you’d have used Reese for a girl, but you don’t want to use the name Alexander because you might want to save Alexandra for a girl, knowing if you plan three children or six would give us some idea of the likelihood of needing to save the name Alexandra. But perhaps another issue is that Alexander is Top 10 for boys.

People vary on their willingness to repeat family names. I don’t think it would be weird to have your child and your cousin’s child share a name, but I don’t know how your family is about such things or how your cousin would be likely to feel about it. You could broach the topic with the cousin and see what the reaction is. Maybe there’ll be an immediate “Oh, cool!,” or maybe there’ll be a silence and a little wrinkle between the eyebrows, and either way you’ll know more.

I notice your girl-name style is divided: the long feminine classic Alexandra, the shorter and more modern but equally feminine Mia, and the unisex Reese. Since you like the name Reid but not the meaning of it, I wonder if you would want to consider using Reese (or Rhys, or Reece) for a boy instead.

Cormac and Beau make me think of Corbin. Corbin Mayer; Corbin McDaniel Mayer; Gabriel and Corbin.

Hayes makes me think of Blaise. Blaise Mayer; Blaise McDaniel Mayer; Gabriel and Blaise.

I wonder if you’d like the name Isaac. I like it with Gabriel. Isaac Mayer; Isaac McDaniel Mayer; Gabriel and Isaac.

I also really like Everett with Gabriel. Everett Mayer; Everett McDaniel Mayer; Gabriel and Everett. That’s probably my top choice.

Or Elliot. Elliot Mayer; Elliot McDaniel Mayer; Gabriel and Elliot.

Or August. August Mayer; August McDaniel Mayer; Gabriel and August.

Or I think Henry would be sweet. Henry Mayer; Henry McDaniel Mayer; Gabriel and Henry.

Or Calvin. Calvin Mayer; Calvin McDaniel Mayer; Gabriel and Calvin.

Would your husband like Marcus better than Marshall? Marcus Mayer; Marcus McDaniel Mayer; Gabriel and Marcus.

Would he like Clark better than Locke? It also sounds somewhat like Cormac from your list. Clark Mayer; Clark McDaniel Mayer; Gabriel and Clark.

Henry (age 7) was telling me about an idea he’d had for a video game, and he said the main guy’s name was Zade, or maybe he said Zane. “Did you say Zade?,” I clarified, zeroing in on the part of the story that interested me most. “Yes,” he said, “Because Jade is a girl name.” I said I’d been checking to see if he’d said Zane, and he said with a laugh, “Zane?? Zane is a SIDEKICK name!”

It’s common for parents to say they’ve loved a name ever since they were a child. And it’s common for parents to say that they accidentally used a name for a pet and now wish they could use it for a baby. I wonder if there is any information about the next generation’s naming preferences to be found in what the current children/teenagers are naming their toys and story characters.

When I was still in college, I adopted two cats. I named them George and Oliver: names that seemed to me like perfect pet names, because they were whimsical and appealing but clearly not names I’d want to use for real children. A decade or so later, I was wishing I hadn’t wasted those excellent baby names on cats. When names are coming in but are not quite in, it’s common to see them first on animals: all those pets named Max and Sam and Jack right before the “appealing one-syllable old-man names” style hit.

Elizabeth (age 9) favors -bert names. She has toy animals named Herbert, Albert, Filbert. But I liked that kind of name too as a child: they seemed funny. And yet those weren’t an accurate prediction of names to come in my generation of parents. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the -bert names for the next generation, though.

When she was younger, around age 3, she thought her new baby cousin should be named Windiest, the most beautiful name of all.

My eldest, when he was younger, kept wanting us to name a baby Plum.

My friend’s teenaged daughter named their dog Zola.

As a child, I named a doll Megan, but that was an on-trend choice rather than a predictive one. I named another doll Jeanette Isabella for the Christmas carol; years later, I changed her name to Nina. I thought the most beautiful name I’d ever heard was Stephanie; again, on-trend rather than predictive. But I also named goldfish Cleo and Milo and Theo, and I named snails Simon and Silas. Names that seemed quirky enough for pets back then, but now seem perfect for babies.

The name Zade isn’t unheard-of (61 new baby boys given the name in 2013), but it’s very unusual: Henry hasn’t encountered it anywhere, and thinks he invented it. It shares one of the dominant sounds in the recently-popular -aden names, but is an offshoot rather than belonging to that group.

If you have children or spend time around children, what names have you noticed them favoring? Names such as Fluffy or Butterscotch won’t give us any information, but what about the others? Which names are they using that are currently in style, and which are they using that aren’t, and which names do they think they’re inventing?