S. writes:
I hope you choose my question, because I am seriously at my wits end. My husband and I are expecting our fourth child, a girl. We are that crazy couple that picked out names before we conceived, and with the first three it worked perfectly. We have Hanna Elise, James Lee (named after both our mothers) and Arty Nathaniel. We decided some time ago that we both liked Abigail, but we never could settle on a middle name. My husband would like to use Abigail as the middle name, still using it as the primary name, and put the secondary name first (he goes by his middle name, Brady, so it is not strange to him, but I really don’t like this suggestion). Our last name Self is so short, that I cannot find a middle name that flows well that we both like. My husband would prefer a one syllable middle name (because our last name is one syllable) if we put Abigail first. His top pick was Livia Abigail Self. It is pretty on paper and flows alright, but I think most people would think Livia was a nickname, AND it still pushes Abigail into weird second place. I like names with lovely meanings, and I would love a soft, gentle, feminine name. My top picks were: Emmeline, Irene, Cora, Rosalie/Rosaline, Amalie, Ella…
I agree with my husband that none of these sound great with Abigail first, but I am having trouble finding soft, feminine, classic yet not boring names with one syllable.
If you could offer any suggestions I would be very grateful!!
Some of your husband’s preferences are puzzling me. I would in fact avoid one-syllable middle names with a one-syllable surname because of the potential for a choppy sound, but that can just be a matter of personal preference. What puzzles me is that he wants a one-syllable middle name only if the first name is Abigail and not if it’s Livia, when Livia and Abigail have the same rhythm; and he’s campaigning to have Abigail, which is not one syllable, used as the middle name. It seems like it’s setting up this kind of loop:
1. Abigail can be in the first-name position, but only with a one-syllable middle name.
2. None of the one-syllable names work.
3. So we have to put the first name in the middle-name position.
4. But you don’t want that, even though your husband does.
5. So you have to look for a one-syllable middle name that works.
It seems that he would like the solution to be “So we have to put Abigail as the middle name.” But you don’t like that idea. So I’d cut through this fruitless cycle by making two new rules for the name search:
1. The first name will be put in the first-name position.
2. The middle name doesn’t have to be only one syllable.
If your husband’s top pick is Livia Abigail Self, then it seems to me like the choice that makes the most sense is to name her Abigail Livia Self, which has the same rhythm but puts the first name more conveniently in the first-name position. Another that would work with a slightly different rhythm is Abigail Olivia Self.
(Before we go any further, I want to make a note that with initials A._.S., I’m going to be avoiding all middle names starting with S.)
With the rhythm of Abigail ______ Self, I also like four-syllable names with the emphasis on the second syllable:
Abigail Cordelia Self
Abigail Elizabeth Self
Abigail Emilia Self
Abigail Felicity Self
Abigail Livinia Self
Abigail Magnolia Self
Abigail Penelope Self
Abigail Veronica Self
Abigail Victoria Self
I disagree that none of the names on your list sound right with Abigail first. Abigail Irene Self, Abigail Emmeline Self, Abigail Rosaline Self—all of those sound good to me. Your surname is a challenging one (especially combined with another strong L-sound in the first name), and unless you’ve found you routinely call your children by all three names, it seems like an issue that comes up during the naming process and not afterward. Mostly she will be either Abigail Self or maybe Abigail MiddleName if that’s something you tend to do in your family, but not Abigail MiddleName Self to anyone except her paperwork.
I also like the sound of 2-syllable middle names with the emphasis on the second syllable (your choice of Irene is perfect for this), but many of them have strong L sounds that seemed like too much L with the first name and surname (Noelle, Lucille), or start with S (Simone), or have too much S-sound with the surname (Cecile), or seem like they belong to an earlier generation (Nicole), or might feel overused as middle names (Marie).
Abigail Celeste Self
Abigail Eileen Self
Abigail Louise Self
If you both agree that one-syllable middle names are best:
Abigail Eve Self
Abigail Jade Self
Abigail Jane Self
Abigail Jean Self
Abigail June Self
Abigail Kaye Self
A few more possibilities:
Abigail Clarissa Self
Abigail Eleni Self
Abigail Eliza Self
Abigail Ellery Self
Abigail Fiona Self
Abigail Josephine Self
Abigail Julia Self
Abigail Katherine Self
Abigail Linnea Self
Abigail Marian Self
Abigail Miranda Self
Abigail Naomi Self
Abigail Rebecca Self
Abigail Violet Self
Abigail Vivienne Self
I agree with Swistle that many (maybe all) the proposed middles for Abigail sound fine. But I do think my daughter’s name–June– might work for you. It’s one syllable, classic, feminine but not frilly. I also like Jane with Abigail, or May/Mae, or Maeve, or Ruth, though those last two don’t flow with the last name as well as I’d like.
Well I’m confused for all the reasons Swistle is, plus another that she didn’t get to. I’m wondering if the plan is to always call her the full name Abigail (if indeed this is what you end up choosing) or whether the plan is to call her Abby. And if you’re planning to go with Abby, I’m a little puzzled that you don’t seem concerned about Arty & Abby as youngest sibling names, which seems to me a bigger consideration than any of the other ones you’ve written about. I’d even suggest using Gail instead, to avoid this outcome, though I realize this is probably a real outlier suggestion.
This is a very good point! Abby and Arty would rule out Abigail for me (as I’d probably want to call her Abby).
Agreed – your husband’s requirements seem too strict and don’t make a lot of sense. I think many of your potential middles sound great with Abigail. My personal preference for flow with a 1-syllable surname is 3-syllable first, 2-syllable middle, 1-syllable surname. But if you really like 1-syllable middles, I do like that everyone’s picked up that J names sound really good following Abigail! Here are a few other ideas:
Abigail Joy
Abigail Kay
Abigail Rae
Abigail Raine
Abigail Brooke
Abigail Paige
Abigail Tina
I love Abigail Irene!
Yeah, your husbands preferences are really confusing and oddly rigid… And I’d also be concerned about the Abby/Arty thing if you call her Abby. Why not put Abigail in the middle slot and keep it there (i.e. don’t CALL her Abigail)? Either way, I would start with what you want to call her on a daily basis, put that in the first spot, and work backwards from there….
Then I think almost any of the first names you like/names swistle has suggested would work. Instead of Livia, would he be open to:
Olivia Abigal
Linnea Abigail
Livana Abigail
Lavinia Abigail.
Ophelia Abigail
I guest those aren’t completely ideal, because the -a ending sort of runs into Abigail, but I still think they work.
I also think a lot of one syllable mns would sound good with the names I list above (I also like Swistle’s suggestion of Cordelia for you).
Middle Names: June, May,Anne, Hope, Wren, Jane, Brynn,
Olivia Wren Self
Linnea Brynn Self
Ophelia May Self
Cordelia June Self
Livana Jane Self
Lavinia Hope Self
Your husband’s preferences seem to be setting things up so that there is only one option-use the name he likes best. I don’t think this is fair to you, so new rules need to be implemented.
I actually love Abigail Irene. I agree with Swistle that the emphasize on the 2nd syllable makes for a really nice flow.
If dad is only going to agree to a 1 syllable middle name, then I like the idea of a snappy middle. Perhaps something that works well with Abby, if you think you’d use a nickname. I think Abby would be fun as part of a double barrel name, even if both names are only used once in a while.
Abigail Jean (Abby Jean)
Abigail Kate or Abigail Katherine (Abby Kate)
Abigail Clare (Abby Clare)
Abigail Louise (Abby Lou)
Abigail Rae (Abby Rae)
I’m going to second (third) the commenters above and say that I love Abigail Irene! That said, I wouldn’t use Abigail (Abby) with Arty.
I am not a fan of using a name as the primary name, but not having it as the actual first name , but that’s just me. So if you are going to call her Abigail, I would put that name first, but to each his own!
You say you are afraid that Livia would appear as a nickname; however, you have an Arty (I’m assuming its just Arty and not Arthur), which reads to me more of a nickname, so I don’t think you should be concerned with that. Actually, Livia reads/sounds less nickname than Arty to me.
I love the sound of Livia Abigail, but I would vote for using Livia as the primary name, as I would want to avoid Abby & Arty. I think Livia sounds so sweet with the rest of your children.
Hanna, James, Arty & Livia.
A sweet, feminine name with a similar sound that I think works even more nicely is Lydia.
Lydia Abigail Self.
Hanna, James, Arty & Lydia.
Best of luck!
I will write more later, but Amalie Abigail Self immediately jumped out at me as a great name. Lovely, feminine, distinctive. But I would use Amalie as the day to day name, not Abigail.
Livia makes me think of Libia. I also share the opinion that a 1 syllable mn with a 1 syllable ln is too choppy.
From your first 3 children: Hanna, James, Arty – you have 2 syllable, 1syllable, 2 syllable first names. So I wonder if Abigail & Livia having 3 syllables is part of the issue? I would go for another one syllable fn. Would you consider Liv or Gail? Liv Abigail Self ? I would call her Liv though… seems needlessly confusing to have kids go by middle names imo
I agree with all the comments to the effect that your husband’s rules are awfully rigid and peculiar, but I got the impression from your email that you felt the same way and maybe you are just looking for some people to agree that he is painting you into a corner here? If that’s what you’re looking for, here I am! *waving hand*
I am also of the opinion that you should just put the name you plan on calling the kid in the first name slot because … that’s what it’s for.
However, I ALSO agree that Abby and Arty are awfully close. For my taste anyway. Perhaps you’d already thought of it and like how they go together.
If you go with Abigail, for some reason the first name that popped into my head was Amelia. Abigail Amelia. I think it sounds gorgeous.
Good luck!
Abigail Irene Self is gorgeous.
Abigail Claire, or even Claire Abigail, is pretty. Claire is a ‘long’ one syllable name, like James, so does not sound ‘choppy’ with your surname. Hope that makes sense!
Other suggestions:
Abigail Faith
Abigail Grace
Abigail Kate
Abigail Rose
Abigail Ruth
Abigail Jane
Abigail Mae
Abigail Pearl
I know you were looking for more one syllable middle names but I really like Abigail Amelia and Abigail Elizabeth as well. Abigail Ava would be nice too!
Many of the names suggested sound great whether Abigail is in the first or second name spot.
All the best!
I wonder if you would like Mabel, which shares some sounds with Abigail. Mabel Livia Self; baby May.
Love all of Swistle’s suggestions. From them my favorites are:
Abigail Penelope Self
Abigail Louise Self
Abigail Naomi Self
I too am not a fan of using a middle name as the primary name, but that’s just my preference.
I love the suggestion of the name Lydia since you like Livia. Abigail Lydia Self sounds beautiful.
If you don’t like “Abby and Arty” you might consider Gail as a nn. Hannah, James, Arty, and Gail.
Oh and I also agree that Abigail Irene is simply gorgeous!
I wonder if your husband’s preference to put the name she will be called in the middle name slot like his own name is actually a subconscious desire to have the baby named after him or to have some other sort of special connection like that.
I propose explaining that you really strongly believe the name she will be called should go first, but would he like it if you honored him with the middle name somehow? i.e.:
Abigail Brady (I think it’s fine to use Brady as a middle name with such a clearly feminine first name)
Abigail Bradley (same)
Abigail Bailey
Abigail Brandy
Abigail Bea
Abigail Beatrice, or…
Abigail [some feminized version of his true first name]
My favorite is Abigail Bea, which I think is of the soft feminine classic type of name you might like. Good luck!
When I saw your husbands suggestion of Livia Abigail I just had to comment. My nieces names are Livia Grace and Abigail Lynn. Now that Livia is 12 she goes mostly by the nickname liv, and she loves her name. Abigail goes by Abbi.
I agree…use Abigail in the first name slot. I like Abigail Elaine Self. If you veto this idea, then I recommend using Lydia instead of Livia; or, maybe even Leah.
Please do not call your daughter by her middle name. I have gone by my middle name since infancy, “Christine”. I love the name, it suits me and I don’t find it “boring” or “plain”.
That said. It is a HUGE inconvenience to go by your middle name. My resume says “M. Christine Lucus”; because (thus far) I have gotten jobs through networking, and introduce myself as “Christine”. Then when I supply my resume it is always this akward, “what is the M for? Why? Do you hate your real name?” No people. My real name is CHRISTINE. In school this is also a constant battle, roll call, then you have to say “Can you call me Christine?” and since that is so drastically different then my first name they want an explanation.
In college I had a professor who liked thought it was comical to call me by a different name each time. “M.C” “Mary” “M.C.J.” etc. (maiden name started with J)
Anyway. That long rant to say; since Kindergarten, to when my In-Laws said “wait your name isn’t Christine” upon seeing my drivers license it’s not fun to “go by” your middle name. I’m not changing my name, since my first name is an honor name and I would not hurt my grandmother’s feelings like that. I think this is different for girls, as I took my husbands last name, I now feel like the part of “me” in my name is the middle. Which is the second place.
If you love a name, just put it first. : ) Abigail is a beautiful name. Abigail Jean..Abigail Brady…Abigail Irene… all suggestions I like from above.
I agree. PLEASE do not plan to use your child’s middle name as a first name. My parents both go by their middle names and wonder of wonders did the same to me. My husband also used his middle name. It is a HUGE issue which is getting worse all the time. So many stored records and information are
based on the correct entry of your name.
Thank you all so much for your thoughtful comments and suggestions. I appreciate each reply, and thank you swistle for your help as well!