Monthly Archives: January 2013

Baby Boy Cross, Brother to Mason and Merissa; Husband Wants Either a Junior or Another M Name

H. writes:

My due date is April 7th & I have a major issue with my husband wanting a Jr. This is the 1st time I ever found out what we were having before they were born. We are having a boy.
I have 2 children Mason Lee & Merissa Julia. My husband wants Jeffrey Jason Cross Jr. or Jeffrey Ralph Cross Jr. or an “M” name. I will never agree to either one of the Jeffrey’s. We already have a son, I don’t like the idea of Jr.’s & most importantly I don’t like the name Jeffrey at all! He is the Jeffrey Jason & his Dad is Jeffrey Ralph. Ralph is his grandfathers name. If you could pick any boy “M” name, what would you choose? I want to knock his socks of with an “M” name! I loved when you chose Declan. I did bring that name up, but of course my husband shot that down because it wasn’t Jeffrey or an “M”. If it is any help me kids picked Toby & they actually agreed on it??!! They don’t agree on anything. Of course my husband turned that down as well.

Thank you for your time

If you don’t like the idea of a junior and you don’t like the name Jeffrey, then that name is off the table. This does not mean that now you need to scramble to find something your husband likes better than Jeffrey. Instead it means that you and your husband now both need to work to find the name the two of you like best from the remaining candidates. Perhaps if it’s very important to your husband, you might agree to use Jeffrey, Jason, or Ralph as a middle name.

(As an aside, a junior is given the same entire name as his father. So if you were going to have a junior, the child’s name would be Jeffrey Jason Cross Jr. If your husband wanted instead to name his son after his father, the child’s name could be Jeffrey Ralph Cross II.)

Do you agree to using an M name? If you don’t, that too is off the table (or rather, is still on the table as an issue the two of you would need to decide on before you can go on to choose the name). I feel as if we’ve had a run recently on “one parent absolutely insisting on something the other parent doesn’t want,” and it’s making me cranky. The decision is up to both parents, and both parents are responsible for finding the agreed-upon name. One parent may willingly choose to go along with the other parent’s preference—but it isn’t right or fair for one parent to make a declaration and insist the other parent submit to that declaration. If you are willing to use an M name, then we can find a good M name. If you would prefer to break the M streak, then that is fine too, and you and your husband would then both turn to the task of finding the name the two of you liked best from the entire pool of non-Jeffrey, non-M names.

If you like Declan, I suggest Malcolm. Malcolm Cross; Mason, Merissa, and Malcolm.

One of my own favorite M names is Milo. Milo Cross; Mason, Merissa, and Milo. Or Miles would be nice.

Another of my favorites is Miller. Miller Cross; Mason, Merissa, and Miller.

Miller reminds me of Meyer. Meyer Cross; Mason, Merissa, and Meyer.

Maxwell seems like a good brother name for Mason. Maxwell Cross; Mason, Merissa, and Maxwell.

The name Matthew is an enduring favorite. Matthew Cross; Mason, Merissa, and Matthew. Matthias would make it a little more unusual.

Or there’s Merit/Merritt. Merritt Cross; Mason, Merissa, and Merritt.

But if you look through all the M names in the book and you don’t find any you like, there are other ways to coordinate the sibling set. Mason and Merissa share not only an M but also an A and an S, so a name like Samuel would work very nicely. Samuel Cross; Mason, Merissa, and Samuel.

I’ve thought the names Mason and Sawyer would go together well: both surname names, and both tradesman names. Sawyer Cross; Mason, Merissa, and Sawyer.

Or something like Jacob: it repeats the number of letters and the vowel sounds of Mason, and J and M are close together in the alphabet. Jacob Cross; Mason, Merissa, and Jacob. (Jake Cross could sound like Jay Cross or Jake Ross, but neither is a negative/embarrassing mistake.)

Baby Girl Dry-with-an-F, Sister to Elliot and Emelia: Does She Have to Have an E Name?

22 Replies

Elizabeth writes:

Okay, I’ve never seen you post an email like this before, but I am writing to you for my sister, who has given me permission to horn in on her baby naming situation to ask for some advice on her behalf. I am such a huge fan of your blog, and long after I had my two boys, I’ve been checking in to see how you’ve solved the world’s baby naming conundrums.

Okay, so my sister, whose last name is Dry with an F just found out she is pregnant with her third and final baby, a girl, who is due in June. Her first two children have really great names — great, I think, because they are unique (i.e. not top 100) without sounding so unique that you say “huh”? I call them classic unique — Elliot Dallin and Emelia Mollie. Mollie was the middle name of our grandmother, Jane Mollie.

Now, my sister’s husband thinks that they need to complete the package with another “E” name, because having two “E” names already, he thinks it’s only fair that they name the third the same. He says that he’s going to veto anything that doesn’t start with an E. My sister isn’t sold on needing an “E” name; she doesn’t think it’s necessary to keep going with the Es and in fact would lean the other direction, not an “E” name. So my first question on their behalf is whether continuing with the “E” names is necessary — that is, will the third child feel left out if her siblings both have “E” names and she does not?

They don’t have ideas in mind, although my sister likes Elisabeth, but thinks it’s probably too common, and Emelia, who is four, has put her vote in for Elissa. My sister’s husband suggested Elin.

And finally, having a last name like Dry with an F means you have to be a little bit careful not to for example, name the baby Frenchie or Frances. Oh, and my sister and her husband are looking for names to go with Dry with an F that are more than one syllable to even it out.

So, do you have any suggestions for either “E” names that fit the criteria that my sister would love and therefore would not require a veto, or other names that just go nicely with Elliot and Emelia that don’t make that song “which one of these doesn’t belong here?” start playing in your head?

We’d love your advice.

and

PS — My sister added a few likes and dislikes:

I think M’s top are
Elin
Eloise (Not my favorite)

and mine is
Esmee (I don’t want people to say “Es-may” like the French way, so I was thinking about adding the extra e)

but I also like
Elisabeth (can’t argue with a family-ish name)/Elis is cute
Eden

I pretty strongly veto
Eleanor (too popular right now)
Elise
Elaine

I should find the family tree for middle name ideas.

I have mixed feelings, because on one hand I do think it would be nice to give the third child an E name, and on the other hand I’m annoyed at the idea of one parent declaring that he’ll veto anything that isn’t an E name. Surely this is a decision for the two parents to make together, not for one parent to refuse to consider anything else.

No, it isn’t necessary to have a third E name. And as long as there is no reason for the third child to feel that her parents gave her a non-E-name on purpose in order to exclude her from the family, I don’t see any particular reason it will be an issue. If it comes up, it seems as if the answer “Oh! We didn’t do that on purpose, we just chose our favorite name each time!” would be fully sufficient to cover the situation for any child not determined to feel upset about it.

I would also recommend taking an approach where the first letter of a name is not given quite so much impact: “Yes, Annabel, that’s right: Elliot and Emelia both start with E! And you and Emelia both have an A in your names, but Elliot doesn’t; and you and Elliot both have a doubled letter in your names, but Emelia doesn’t; and you and Elliot both have three syllables but Emelia has four; and all three of you have L’s and E’s; and you’re the only one with an N, and Emelia is the only one with an M, and Elliot is the only one with a T…” and so on. (This is a pretty fun game to play with little kids.)

I think it also helps in this case that the matched initial is a vowel, so that the starting sounds are more El- and Em- rather than both being E-; and also that Emelia’s name hits the ear as if it’s Amelia. When said aloud, the sibling group is not going to have the same ear-catching impact as, say, Brian, Brittany, and Samantha: Elliot, Emelia, and Annabel (said aloud rather than seen written down) doesn’t catch my ear at all. Even written down, I think the vowel initial of the third name softens the difference. So if they do decide not to use a third E name, I would recommend looking first among other vowel names.

There are other ways to tie a third name in, too. Both Elliot and Emelia have six letters including E, L, and I. Names on the non-E list could be examined for similarities along those lines. Lianna, for example, has the L and the I, and also has six letters, and also repeats the -lia of her sister’s name. Or Laurel has six letters and the L and the E. Or Leslie has six letters and the E, the L, and the I. Or Lilian has six letters and the L and the I. Or Violet has six letters and the E, the L, and the I, and if anything makes Emelia the odd one out. Or Linnea has six letters and the E/L/I. And so on.

Effort could also be put into the middle name: the first two children both have six-letter double-L family names; it would be nice to find something similar for the third child.

I notice that all the current candidates are E names, so let’s proceed on the assumption that your sister’s husband has made this decision for them, and that what we’re looking for is an E name.

My first suggestion is Erianna. It’s feminine and pretty like Emelia, but not too similar. Elliot, Emelia, and Erianna.

My own favorite E name is probably Eliza. Elliot, Emelia, and Eliza. I THINK the different emphasis and vowel sounds (ee-LY vs. EH-lee) keeps it from being too similar to Elliot.

Or Elena would work well. Elliot, Emelia, and Elena.

Or maybe Ellis, or Ellison, or Everly, or Ellery.

Elsa/Elsie is pretty. Elliot, Emelia, and Elsa.

I’m not sure about the Esme situation. Does your sister want it pronounced Ehz-mee instead of Ehz-may? I am not sure how difficult it would be to get people to do that. Is it pronounced mee or may in the Twilight movies? If the goal is to get the mee sound at the end, I would spell it Esmie.

I love her idea of her naming the baby after you! That would be my top favorite, except I’d spell it the same as your name because I would get weary of correcting the spelling. Elliot, Emelia, and Elizabeth.

I also like Emelia’s suggestion of Elissa. Elliot, Emelia, and Elissa. Maybe her given name could be Elisabeth and her nickname could be Elissa.

Name update! Jessica writes:

Thank you for recently weighing-in on our baby name conundrum. It was interesting to hear your readers’ thoughts also.

Elin Elizabeth Dry with an F was born 6 days late (more time to negotiate the name!), 9lbs 11 oz.

We decided on the name in the hospital after the E-pidural kicked in. We came with top choices Esme, Elin and Esther. Elizabeth is middle name for both grandmas and first name of my sis and middle name of dad’s sis too.

We are constantly correcting people about our preferred pronunciation: ee-lynn. Not el-len or eh-laan. But we love it and we love her!

Baby Girl Merlot, Sister to Graham Joseph

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Anna writes:

We are expecing our second and final baby – a girl in March and are in need of help with finding a middle name. A little background, my name is Anna Mary (named after my paternal granmother), my husband’s name is Eric Joseph and our son’s name is Graham Joesph. Our last name sounds like Merlot.

We aren’t sold on the baby’s first name, but we are pretty sure it will either be Brynn, Hollis, or Hadley. Here lies the problem… since my son’s middle name honors my husband and his father, I really want to incorporate my father’s name somehow. His name you ask? Vyto Anthony! We have tried Vita and don’t prefer it. We also thought of Vianna (honoring my father, his mother and myself at the same time). We are thinking a name simply starting with “V” will do the trick, but I would like to find one with a little more meaning if possible. Other family names that can be incorporated with the “V” would be Brennan (or any similar variation) or Lee. Can you help with any other suggestions? Is there another total direction to go in that we haven’t thought of? We just can’t seem to find the right fit.

My first suggestion is to use the female form of Anthony: Antonia. I think it’s a very pretty name. The main issue is whether your father will feel honored by that. My middle name is Nicole, which gives me a good parallel: I’m imagining if I had a grandson with the middle name Nicholas “after me,” would I feel like it was after me? A little bit, but not a lot. Even less so if a grandchild’s name shared only the first initial of my first name: I would not want to seem ungrateful for the intended honor, but the middle name Keegan (my first name is Kristen) doesn’t seem like it would feel connected to my name at all. You can try this exercise yourself, too, since these feelings would vary considerably from person to person and from family to family: how honored would you feel by a grandson given the middle name Mario? a grandson given the middle name Alexander?

I prefer my second suggestion: since your son’s name honors two male family members from your husband’s side, could your daughter’s name honor a female family member or two from your side? For example, you and your grandmother? Brynn Mary Merlot, or Hollis Mary Merlot, or Hadley Mary Merlot. (I also like Hollis Anna and Hadley Anna, but didn’t want the initials to spell HAM.) This would partially honor your dad as well, since the name comes from his mother.

But if you are set on using your father’s name, and you think he’d feel honored by the use of his initial, then I suggest the name Violet. It shares several letters and sounds with Vyto.

Baby Girl or Boy Edgerton, Sibling to Eliza Cynthia; Culling a List

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Gabi writes:

Hi there!

So…apparently we are very indecisive people when it comes to names. There are so many names I love I find it hard to discard anything off our list until I’m sure it doesn’t fit. Needless to say, this has left us with way too many possibilities! Your blog helped us name our first daughter, Eliza Cynthia, now 3, and we have been extremely happy. It was a hands down favorite of yours and your commenters, and that was all the encouragement we needed to pull the trigger. We get compliments on her name all the time. Now we are expecting our second in early March and are seeking guidance once again. Gender will be a surprise, which of course makes the name choosing a bit harder. I don’t believe that there is one perfect name out there for any given child, but I do want to have it narrowed down to a handful of possibilities before the baby is actually born!
There is really only one condition we have to stick to which is that the middle name will be Dow no matter what the sex (family name, usually given to first born son, but seeing as how we may never have a son…). Other than that we are open. Our last name is Edgerton…rather long and sometimes difficult to pronounce (think edge, as in edge of a sword rather than Edgarton or Eggerton, which we get a lot). As you will see from our lists I’m not sure we have a clear favorite when it comes to naming styles. Name popularity bothers me less for boys names than for girls names, but in either case a name being popular is not a deal breaker for us. I would be interested to hear if you can detect a theme and then identify those names that don’t seem to fit–this would be a hint to me that they made the list because they are interesting rather than “our style”.
Anyway, without further ado, here are our (already extensively culled) lists:

Girl:

Hazel (current front-runner)
Anna
Gwenyth (nn Gwen; husband doesn’t like)
Josephine (another favorite, nn Joey)
Campbell (nn Benny…don’t know why, but this makes perfect sense in my head)
Aila (another favorite)
Sabine
Simone
Hadley
Amy
Madelyn

Boy:

Jacob (nn Jack; current front-runner and a family name…yes I realize its uber popular)
Asa (another favorite)
Alexander (another favorite)
Andrew
Matthew
Owen
Nathaniel
Calvin
Logan

Thanks in advance!

Oh, what a fun request! I can see this as a regular feature called “Cull My List!” Okay, if I were culling your lists, here’s how I’d do them (in my own order of favorite):

Girl:
Simone
Josephine
Anna
Hazel

Boy:
Calvin
Nathaniel
Jacob

How’s that?

Here’s what I did: I paired each name with Eliza, but also looked at the group of names to see which ones stood out as likely style outliers. So for example, in the girl name list, Amy is the only one that feels like a Mom Name, and Campbell and Hadley are modern boyish surname names in a sea of traditionally female first names. I took out Aila because “Aila and Eliza” seem very similar to me: Aila is almost like just removing the Z from Eliza. And yet Aila is also too DISsimilar with Eliza, reminding me of more modern names such as Kayla. I also took out Gwenyth because your husband doesn’t like it. And so on.

Then I tried each name with the surname. Most of them were fine with the surname, but when I said them all at once in a list, I noticed that some seemed better than others. Alexander Edgerton seems like I went on saying it for quite a long time; it reminded me of Laura Wattenberg’s remark in her book The Baby Name Wizard that she liked the name Kennedy but that Kennedy Wattenberg sounded “like someone falling down stairs.” Owen Edgerton feels like it runs together. Logan Edgerton seems like the non-matching G’s would make it even more difficult to get people to pronounce the surname correctly. And so on: all of these would be completely fine if you used them, but the goal was to cull so I erred on the side of culling.

Sometimes I ended up putting names back on. For example, I took out Josephine and Nathaniel for being too long, and Anna for being a bit run-together with the surname—but then I put them both back in because of how well I thought both names went with Eliza and how minor the other issues seemed in comparison to that. And then when I was re-reading the lists, Josephine and Nathaniel didn’t seem too long anyway, and Anna seemed rather striking with the surname, and anyway this is what makes my own lists end up LONGER when I’m done.

I also took out Simone just because I felt like it didn’t fit the list somehow, but then when I tried it with Eliza I was kind of blown away by that combination: Eliza and Simone! Now that’s probably my favorite of the girl names. It is not perhaps ideal with the middle name Dow, but I didn’t take that much into consideration: since the middle name is absolutely set, I assumed that all the names on your lists were acceptable to you with the middle name.

I probably would have eliminated Hazel if it weren’t a front-runner. It has five letters like Eliza, and four of the five are duplicate letters, and the matching Z’s were immediately noticeable. These issues could make the names beautifully matched, or could really put the pressure on if you might need to name a third child.

One thing that’s fun about having someone else cull a list is that their choices can reveal to you your own preferences: if your heart sank at seeing I culled a particular name, that might mean it should be immediately UNculled.

Would anyone else like to try their hand at culling the lists?

Baby Boy Loochka, Brother to Sadie Lenore

24 Replies

Cindy writes:

I have just come across your blog and I am hoping you will be able to help us name our son, who is due on Feb. 22, 2013.
We will pay tribute to a family member by using the middle name Frank. Our last name is pronounced Loochka and we have a daughter named Sadie Lenore. (Lenore is a family name also).
We have found my name, Cindy, to be very close to Sadie, which we did not think of before, but now many people confuse us!
So, for that reason, we are shying away from names with the soft c or s sound. We are also hesitant to use “y” or “ie” ending.
We had a stillborn son named Isaac James, and this baby has managed through several pregnancy complications, so I do like to consider very strong sounding names.
We tend to avoid first names with the letter L, as it usually doesn’t sound right with our last name, as does an “a” ending, or a “oo” sound like Drew.

I prefer short names, and even better, names that can not be shortened, or to use an already shortened name, like Theo. We love the name Theo, but sadly can not use it.
I also like the name Eli, but my husband will not go for it due to past experience with an Eli.
I like the names Ben, Sam, Alex, but they are too popular. I don’t want a totally unique name, but something that is not on the top 20 lists would be nice.
I like names with traditional spellings, so that my son will not always have to correct the spelling of his name.
I also love it when letters are not repeated, but I feel that now I am asking for a miracle, so I will be flexible on this point.
For example, before we named our stillborn son, we were in love with the name Bennett, but now I don’t like the name as much because of the duplicates of e, n, and t. Also, Ben is very popular.

Thank you for any consideration you can give to this specific task.

and

Well, here we are with less than a month to go and still feeling a little lost in naming this little guy.
My goal was to end up with a list of three names to choose from. We aren’t fairing very well.
The only two possibilities are Theo and Wesley. We brought Theo back on the list even though we thought we couldn’t use it.
We are feeling as though it may not be right, and I don’t know that I like the sound of Theo Frank.
I also wonder if Theo is an awkward name, with some people not hearing the “th” sound, or some unable to pronounce it properly or clearly.
Wesley is my husband’s top pick at the moment, but we don’t love the nickname Wes and wonder if in some ways Jeff and Wes are too similar in the way that Cindy and Sadie are.
I like Davis, with the nickname Davey, but my husband does not like Davis. Neither of us like Dave or David.

My husband is pretty definite on the middle name Frank to honor his grandfather, however, sometimes I think it is funny that this boy will have his great-grandfather’s full name with Frank and the last name. I hear the middle name Frank and last name together and only think of this man.

Hoping for some fresh ideas from you and your readers!

I think this is one of the troubles with choosing both the surname and the honor middle name from one side of the family: it DOES seem a little odd to have someone else’s name with another name tacked on the front! In my experience, though, the oddness wears off.

But since the honor name is also giving you troubles in other ways, perhaps it would be better to choose the first name first, and then find an honor name from your side of the family that goes well with it. If your husband is adamant about choosing the middle name, I suggest that you have slightly more say on the first name, to make things feel more balanced.

Was his grandfather’s full name Frank, or was Frank short for Franklin? Franklin might be easier to work with, with some first names.

I would have said there’d be no trouble with people mispronouncing Theo, but that was before we talked about the pronunciation of Blythe! Perhaps some parents of Theos and Theodores can let us know how it’s going.

Would you want to consider using Frank/Franklin as the first name? I realize that makes the “it sounds just like his great-grandfather” problem even worse—but I think Franklin is a great name, and also that the association would wear off even more quickly.

If you like Eli, I suggest Ian. Ian Frank Loochka.

Or Eliot. Eliot Frank Loochka.

If you don’t like the nickname Wes, that does make Wesley seem a bit iffy. I think you could successfully get most people to use his full name—but I generally advise against a name if the parents dislike the nickname(s): it’s so hard to know whether the child himself will want to use the nickname, and then you’d be stuck.

When I was talking in a group of parents at kindergarten pick-up about baby names, two of the women mentioned that they’d had TERRIBLE times choosing names with their husbands—agreed on NOTHING, with seemingly NO names they both liked. The two names finally settled on were Jared and Derek, and so now I have those filed in my mind as names that resolve impossible situations. Jared Loochka, Derek Loochka.

Or Dean. Dean Loochka; Sadie and Dean.

It has a double letter, but Everett seems a little like Theodore and Bennett to me, and it’s my favorite so far with Sadie. Everett Loochka; Sadie and Everett.

Or Evan. Evan Loochka; Sadie and Evan. Maybe this one sounds too much like Jeff.

Or Nathan. Nathan Frank Loochka; Sadie and Nathan.

Name update! Cindy writes:

I would like to thank you and your readers for all of the great name suggestions, and particularly for the encouragement for the name Theo.
We did in fact name our little guy, Theo Frank, and we are very pleased with the name. He was born on Friday, February 15th, 2013, weighing 4 lbs 12 oz.
He truly is our “divine gift” or “gift from god” as the meaning for Theo also made it a wonderful choice.
Here is a picture of our beautiful Sadie and handsome Theo.
Many Thanks,
Cindy and Family

Baby Girl Miller, Sister to Harley Anne

25 Replies

Lindsay writes:

I hope you can help us. We are expecting our 2nd daughter in February 17. She will join big sister Harley Anne and likely complete our family. Our surname is Miller and flows with most names which is nice.

A quick history on Harley. Both of her names are honor family names. Harley is my husband’s grandfather and Anne is my sister’s middle name. My sister named her daughter after our grandfather and my middle name (Ashton Brooke.) Very neat for the cousins to share this-named after great grandfathers and aunts. When I got pregnant I was immediately sure of 3 things:

1. I was having a boy.

2. We weren’t telling potential names to our families.

3. If by some crazy chance it was a girl, she would be Emma Claire.

Then in the excitement of sharing pregnancy news with my family, I blurted out the girl name: Emma Claire since I wouldn’t be using it…Big Mistake. They hated that Emma was so popular, they did love Claire, blah, blah. Of course then I found out I was having a girl and all they said for the rest of the pregnancy was “no Emma!” We had developed Harley Anne as our back-up name and now love it and couldn’t imagine our daughter as anything else. We call her by a mix of both Harley and Harley Anne as I do like double names.

If we were having a boy this time around he would be Henry Thomas, not because Henry and Harley go so well together, which they do, but because both are family names and with names that have potential nicknames I have to like the nickname and I do like Hank. The problem for Baby Sister is that we are out of family names that we both love. My husband likes the idea of Mary as our 3 Grandmothers (one on mine and both on husband) were Mary, but Mary Miller is slightly sing-songy for me and it doesn’t work with Claire without sounding like the magazine and I have come to love Claire. Nevertheless, I wanted to support him so I identified Belle as a possible middle name with a family history (my great grandmother.) I keep coming back to Emma Claire but Emma continues to be so popular and the family story may have ruined it for me. What if she heard that and thought her name wasn’t special? I love Audrey Claire and Audrey is a family name on my side, unique and goes with Harley. Of course husband doesn’t love Audrey.

We definitely don’t want a Harper, Harlow or any of the other popular H names. And if we aren’t using Emma due to the popularity of it I would just as soon stay away from the other top ten of Isabelle, Sophia, etc. I could use Claire as the first name but struggling with a middle name to accompany.

So our options as they stand: Emma Claire; Mary Belle; and Audrey Claire with each of us pulling for one and my family rooting against the one we both like and keep coming back to.

Help us so Harley’s baby sister can have a name of her own! Any suggestions welcome!

When I read that you like Emma and Mary, the name Emery/Emory came to mind. Emory Claire Miller; Harley and Emory.

Since you were considering Henry for a boy, I wonder if you would like Henrietta for a girl? It has the nicknames Henry and Hattie and Etta and Hennie. Harley Anne and Etta Claire, perhaps.

Mary seems like such a startling style change from Harley. And I agree: putting it with Claire immediately brings the magazine to mind. But I love that one name could honor three grandmothers! And the magazine isn’t a negative association. But it’s too bad I can’t add “And the two names will hardly ever be said together, either.” Hm. Mary and Claire share the same middle sound; I wonder if Mary could take the middle name slot instead of Claire, or if that would be too painful at this point? Mary coordinates so well with Harley’s middle name Anne. But it doesn’t settle into the middle name position as well as Claire does. Well, it’s a dilemma.

Do you have any more grandfather names to consider?

Your family would likely come around to the name Emma, but I agree that the name story is one that would require some spin (or ideally silence, but your family sounds quite vocal). And as with the name Mary, the name Emma seems a bit startling after the name Harley. I wonder if you’d like a variation such as Emlyn? Harley Anne and Emlyn Claire.

Or Emerson? Harley Anne and Emerson Claire.

Or Emberley: Harley Anne and Emberley Claire. The spelling Emberly was slightly more popular in the U.S. in 2011, according to the Social Security Administration: 62 Emberlys and only 15 Emberleys. I prefer Emberley because of the connection to the artist Ed Emberley. There’s also Emberleigh, which makes me think of Everleigh/Everly. Harley Anne and Everly Claire. With all these options, though, the double -rley endings might be too much. Maybe Emberlyn instead? Harley Anne and Emberlyn Claire.

Audrey has been increasing in popularity (it was #43 in 2011), but Audra is still uncommon (not in the top 1000 in 2011). Harley Anne and Audra Claire.

Baby Girl Fl@nagan, Sister to Benjamin Thomas

31 Replies

Helen writes:

Thank you for this wonderful blog- it’s the first blog I’ve ever followed, and it’s shown me how fascinating baby naming can be! My husband and I are expecting a baby girl in early June, and we keep coming up against naming dilemmas. I would love some help from you and your readers. My name is Helen, my husband’s name is Will, and we have a two-year old son named Benjamin Thomas (we always call him Ben). Our last name is Fl@nagan. This little girl will probably be our last child.

The too much rhythm dilemma: My husband and I both love the name Anna, but I’ve had negative reactions from a few friends about the repetitiveness of Anna Fl@nagan. Some people feel it’s OK, but others have had a pretty negative response. It’s hard to know when a bit of a beat is too much rhythm. Of all the names we could pick, should we pick one that’s so similar to her last name? I wish I had your magical polling skills at my fingertips! Longer names that could be shortened to Anna don’t quite fit for us (e.g., Annabelle, Annaliese)- neither does using a first and middle name most of the time… We’d use the nickname Annie, but would also use Anna a lot of the time.

The too much “Be” dilemma: My husband’s all-time favorite girl name is Beth. He would want her to have the full name Elizabeth to fall back on, but would want to call her Beth most of the time. I’m OK with Beth, although I wonder if it’s a bit dated… My main dilemma with Beth is its similarily to Ben. Again, of all the names we could pick, should we pick one that’s so similar to her brother’s name?

The too many nicknames dilemma: When considering the name Beth, I realized that I quite like some other nicknames for Elizabeth: Eliza and Eli. But can we name her Elizabeth and both call her very different nicknames? My husband is OK with Eliza, but strongly prefers Beth. We are both nicknamers, so I doubt that we’d use the full name very often, even if we planned to. Would this end up being confusing for all of us?

Related to this, another name we’ve considered is Rebecca. If we went with this name, my husband would want to call her Becky and I would want to call her Becca. Oh, and Sarah has also come up- he would want to call her Sarah, and I would want to use the nickname Sadie. For both Rebecca and Sarah, neither of us are huge fans of the name/nickname the other one prefers.

Yesterday, the name Dana came to mind– as a name somewhat similar to Anna, but without the similarity to her last name. Not sure if this is just a passing thought…

We’re quite flexible about our little one’s middle name. I’d like an M name for family reasons– We’re considering Marcy (it combines sounds from special family member’s names), or Mae (although Elizabeth May is a famous politician in Canada). We aren’t likely to use her middle name very often.

We’ve still got some time to plan, so any extra ideas for first or middle names would also be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much!

I think Anna Fl@nagan is the kind of name where it’s very difficult to tell if it’s Not Right or if in fact it’s Extra Awesome. I have the same uncertain feeling about names with strong alliteration, such as Christopher Cranson, or even stronger connections such as William Williamson. It’s like there’s a line somewhere between “Hm, no, that’s too similar” and “Memorable and striking!” Here it’s not so much the rhythm as the rhyme: Ella Fl@nagan would have the same rhythm but no issues, while Anna Fl@nagan leads to the Anna-Flanna issue.

In this situation, though, the thing that would stop me from using it is that Ben and Anna together sound like banana. That too is the sort of thing that could in fact be Extra Awesome, but for myself I felt weary of it almost immediately, and wouldn’t enjoy it as a continued joint nickname, recurring conversation topic, or running joke. And since a common Anna-related nickname is Anna Banana, and there is already rhyme with Anna Flanna-gan—well, again, for someone else it could even IMPROVE things, and if you found you were delighted with the idea then I would be delighted with it TOO and would genuinely enjoy it very much for your family and would have a wonderful time keeping an eye out for banana-themed merchandise to add to your fun family in-joke.

I think Ben and Beth would be too matchy as given names, but cute/fun as nicknames for Benjamin and Elizabeth. If you might have a third child, would you feel pressured to choose another name with a similar nickname?

I suspect that it works fine for two parents to use two different nicknames for their child, but I don’t know from personal experience so I’m hoping others will chime in here. It doesn’t seem like it would be confusing for any of you—only for people outside the family, who might think to themselves, “Wait, who’s this Eliza she’s talking about? I thought her kids were Ben and Beth.” But it seems as if that would be rather minor, with no big negative consequences to the occasional mix-ups—and it also seems like you’d get in the habit of mentioning it: “These are my kids: Benjamin (we call him Ben) and Elizabeth (we call her Beth and Eliza, so she answers to both).”

My guess is that in some cases, what happens is that the plan is to use two different nicknames, but that one nickname ends up fitting the child better. And of course the child herself may have an opinion on the subject, or may choose yet another nickname.

All of this is for names where both of you are okay with the other parent’s nickname choice. For the names where you both actively dislike the other’s nickname choice, that seems like a different situation and would make me cross the name off the list. But that can be completely personality-based: it would bug me to keep hearing a nickname I disliked, and it would bug me even more in times when my husband and I were not getting along as well, and I’d be cheesed if my daughter decided later she only wanted to be called by the nickname I disliked. But the next person might not have any of these issues.

Now to find some more suggestions to consider. I’ve already mentioned Ella, which seems similar to both Anna and Elizabeth but avoids but the rhyming and Be- issues. Ella Fl@nagan; Ben and Ella. But maybe Ella is too close to Helen.

Eve has simplicity and long roots in common with Anna. Eve Fl@nagan; Ben and Eve.

Or Clara seems even more similar in style to Anna, and is also similar to Sarah. Clara Fl@nagan; Ben and Clara.

Or Cora. Cora Fl@nagan; Ben and Cora.

Or Jane. Jane Fl@nagan; Ben and Jane.

Or Rose. Rose Fl@nagan; Ben and Rose.

Or Ruth. Ruth Fl@nagan; Ben and Ruth.

Or Lena might work well. Lena Fl@nagan; Ben and Lena.

Oh, or Leah! Leah Fl@nagan; Ben and Leah. I also like the spelling Lia.

Or Lucy. Lucy Fl@nagan; Ben and Lucy.

Or Julia. Julia Fl@nagan; Ben and Julia.

But perhaps what we need is something more similar to Benjamin, where both of you agree on both the long form and the short form. Maybe Josephine, with the nickname Josie. Josephine Fl@nagan; Benjamin and Josephine; Ben and Josie.

Or Charlotte, with the nickname Lottie. Charlotte Fl@nagan; Benjamin and Charlotte; Ben and Lottie.

Or Eleanor, with the nickname Nora. Eleanor Fl@nagan; Benjamin and Eleanor; Ben and Nora.

Or Abigail, with the nickname Abby. Abigail Fl@nagan; Benjamin and Abigail; Ben and Abby.

Or, wait, maybe Bethany? It has the Beth your husband likes, and some of the sound of Anna, but it avoids the rhyming issue. Bethany Fl@nagan; Benjamin and Bethany; Ben and Beth, or Ben and Annie. That’s my top choice.

Let’s also have a poll over to the right about Anna Fl@nagan. [Poll closed; see results below.]

Poll results for “What do you think of the name Anna Fl@nagan?” (433 votes total):

Too rhymey – 218 votes (50%)
Not too rhymey – 129 votes (30%)
Not too rhymey, but BenAnna/Banana bothers me – 62 votes (14%)
I can’t decide – 24 votes (6%)

Name update! Helen writes:

I can’t thank you and your readers enough for your suggestions. It was wonderful to get such helpful feedback from so many people. Because of the poll, we decided not to go with Anna Fl@nagan, as much as we loved the first name. In the end, we also ruled out Elizabeth because my husband and I didn’t like each other’s preferred nicknames enough. We didn’t finalize a name until our little girl was a week old, but we ended up going with a name you suggested: Clara! I have always loved the name Claire, and we liked your comment that Clara is similar to Sarah and Anna. We chose Mae as her middle name. I’ve attached a photo of our little sweetheart. As an aside, if we had gone with Anna, she’d definitely be next to a banana in the photo!

A Fifth C Name for a Boy

19 Replies

Megan writes:

Hi there!!! I am currently pregnant with baby number 5!! My due date isnt until September 3rd but I am a PLANNER!! My husband and I already have 4 wonderful boys that all start with the letter “c”… Oldest to youngest we have Colin James, Connor Stephan, Camden Matthew and Carson Andrew… All of our boys middle names are from other family members!! We already have a girl name picked out ( Chloe Elizabeth) !! Big problem is no boy in sight…. It has to start with a “C” of course but we really have no direction as to which way to go.. The only name we even kindof agree on is Charlie, my husband would like to use William as a middle name (after his stepdad) but Charlie William sounds way too proper for me… Please help with baby boy names using “c” !!Thanks so much!!

I think Charlie is great, and to me it sounds friendly rather than over-proper.

I also like the way it adds a new sound: it still starts with a C, but it’s a Ch- sound instead of Ca- or Co-. I notice when I try out other C names, most of them sound too similar to a C name you already have: Calvin seems too close to Colin; Callum seems too close to Camden and Colin; Cameron seems too close to Camden; Carter seems too close to Carson; Caden seems too close to Camden.

Christian would also be nice for this: the Cr- sound is quite different from the Ca- and Co- sounds.

Or Clayton adds a Cl-.

Caleb might work well, though it’s hard to tell without a surname to try it out with. It adds a new vowel sound and a new consonant sound.

Cabot would also be nice, and adds TWO new consonant sounds.

Or Corbin. Ooo, or Cormac.

Or Colby or Coleman.

Casey is a nice friendly name. Casey William.

If you aren’t trying to keep all the names to two syllables, I suggest Callahan, Cade, Clark, Case, Chance, or Chase.

How Do You Pronounce the Name Blythe?

39 Replies

My mom has brought up another issue with the name Blythe: how is it pronounced? I haven’t even considered that it would be pronounced any way except with a voiced TH (as in bathe or breathe or tithe, as opposed to an unvoiced TH as in bath or breath or Ruth). My mom thinks it can be pronounced either way, or that maybe it’s correctly unvoiced because the word blithe has an unvoiced TH. But neither of us has ever known a single person named Blythe, so we’re not getting anywhere discussing it. (I’ve also never heard Blythe Danner’s name said out loud, or heard people talking about Blythe dolls, or seen an Anne of Green Gables movie with someone saying Gilbert Blythe.)

So let’s see if we can figure this out with a poll over to the right. We need extra-long poll options here, as when we tried to figure out the pronunciation of Rowan/Rowen, because some of us actually KNOW a Blythe and some of us have only seen the name in print: I remember reading a book about a Phoebe and thinking it was pronounced “foh-EEB.” I know this makes the poll bulky, but I think it’s worth it. [Poll closed; see results below.]

[Edited to add: I’m not sure our poll is worth anything, considering the percentage of people who can’t hear the difference between a voice and unvoiced TH. I can picture us all totally in agreement and yet voting opposite options!

Try this exercise. Say “this,” but say the “th” part for a few seconds before ending in the “iss” part: the “th” kind of buzzes the tongue. Now say “think,” and do the same thing: say the “th” part for a few seconds before moving on to the “ink” part. Now it’s just breath/hissing, like a whisper. The word “this” has a voiced TH; the word “think” has an unvoiced TH.

Or try it at the end of the word: say “bath,” but let the end sound go on for awhile. Now say “bathe,” and let the end sound go on for awhile. First no buzzing; then buzzing. Bath is a non-voiced TH; bathe is a voiced TH.

Or try it with breath/breathe. First say “Take a breath,” and extend that TH sound. Now say “Just breathe,” and extend that TH sound. Different, right? Breath doesn’t buzz; breathe does. Breath is the non-voiced TH; breathe is the voiced TH.]

Poll results for “How is the name Blythe pronounced?” (531 votes total):

I know a Blythe; it’s like bathe – 75 votes (14%)
I know a Blythe; it’s like bath – 85 votes (16%)
I know at least one pronounced each way – 4 votes (1%)
I don’t know a Blythe; I thought it was like bathe – 187 votes (35%)
I don’t know a Blythe; I thought it was like bath – 180 votes (34%)

The extremely small number of votes for “I know at least one pronounced each way” is possible support for the theory that the poll is thrown off by so many of us not knowing/hearing the difference between the two ways. If the two pronunciations were used about 50-50, as the “I know a Blythe” categories suggest, it seems likely that more people would know one of each—rather than, as in the comments, knowing SEVERAL Blythes, all of whom pronounce it the same way. Or perhaps its regional?

Baby Naming Issue: Where Do You START?

9 Replies

Joanna writes:

Hi! My sister sent me the link to your blog after I found out I am pregnant with my first. I have been reading it frequently in my free time. The task of picking a name is completely overwhelming. I don’t know if the baby is a boy or a girl. We each wrote down a list of our top 5 girl and boy names, then showed each other. Our last name is Howard. Both of our girl lists had Miriam and Harper. And I like the combination of Harper Miriam (or Margaret, his grandma’s name) or Miriam Harper, and we actually both really like the double H initials. But the girl names really aren’t the problem.

We have NO idea where to start with boy names. Our boy lists had one name in common, which was Max, but I’m not in love with it. We both like Silas, but again, not in love with it. I suppose my question is, how do you even start the name process? I tried baby wizard, but I think I like too wide a range of names.

My only dislikes for a name is that it can’t be too unusual that he/she would have to spell/pronounce it for everyone (I had a difficult last name before I married, and that was a pain), and I would prefer it not to be top 10, though I don’t mind top 100. We lean towards Biblical names, both of ours being slightly Biblical (mine Joanna, his Benjamin). But it’s not a must. I like vintage and older names, but again not a must. I JUST DON’T KNOW WHERE TO START?

Our initial lists had:

I picked,

Silas

Isaac

Ezra (which husband immediately vetoed)

Max

Parker (wild card, I had to add a fifth)

He picked,

Connor (I vetoed)

Donovan (I vetoed)

Max

Clay (I vetoed)

Jarvis (I vetoed because all I think of is Ironman)

Clearly, I’m a bit pickier and I veto more names than husband. Please help give us direction.

Thanks so much!

This is a great topic for a group setting like this. I can tell you how I started, and other people can say how they started, and perhaps one or more of those ways will be ways that would work for you too.

The first baby has its own special challenges (I wrote a post just for first-time parents), because everything is wide open: you can choose from EVERYTHING, and for many people it’s the first time they’ve given much thought to baby names. Even those of us who read baby name books to name our childhood dolls are in it For Real for the first time—and/or are seeing how different it is when there’s another person saying, “Nope, no, no, nope, no way,” etc.

I started by getting a baby name book that wasn’t a baby name dictionary (as in, it was a book that didn’t seem to be padding the list to get the biggest possible number on the cover: “1,000,001 Baby Names If You Count Algratroid and Grinn!!!”) and going through it and writing down every name I could imagine considering. That is, if I found a name that I didn’t think there was any way it would beat out the other ten I’d already written down, or it didn’t seem like it fit with our style, but I still liked the name well enough to notice it, I wrote it down. I tried to work on it in short enough sessions so that I didn’t start skimming.

This was time-consuming. But I did it in the early stages of the pregnancy, usually starting about 5 minutes after getting a positive pregnancy test, and it helped to get through those lonnnnnnng early months when it’s all worry and very little action. And I wrote the lists in my journal, so it’s fun to see some of the names I wrote down: “Dutch” for my firstborn, for example.

One reason I write down all the names instead of just the names that seem most likely is that sometimes seeing a large list of EVERYTHING I like can help me better narrow down what I REALLY like. Also, it gives the other parent a lot of names to cross off, so they feel like they’re having a say. Also, it can be fun to use a not-quite-our-usual-style name as a middle name. Also, sometimes I would find that although I’d thought I liked one style, my list was mostly made up of a different style—or that whenever I went over the list, I was more drawn to a different style, or tended to cross out all the names of a particular style. (Also, I like baby naming, and so I tend to err on the side of spending MORE time doing it.)

For me, when I did the “make a big list and work from THAT instead of from the name book” idea, I usually ended up crossing out until I ended up with a list of about a dozen names that were real candidates. Then Paul would cross out or circle some. Then we’d get down to a few real finalists, and we’d start ranking them and I’d spend a lot of time thinking about it and check in periodically with a less-interested Paul to see how HE was feeling about the choices. Sometimes I’d add a new name to the list, or leaf through the name book some more. I’d analyze every name that came up in every book, movie, and TV show. I looked for more possibilities in the credits, or in celebrity magazines. I looked up names in the Social Security data base to see how popular they were. I went through the family trees to see if I saw anything interesting. (This stage drives Paul a little nuts. I try to courteously involve him as little as possible, just as I appreciate when he doesn’t subject me to ALL the talk about the various advantages and disadvantages of each of several drill presses he’s considering.)

I would also play little games with the names we’d narrowed it down to. Like, let’s say I had Max on my list. I’d look in The Baby Name Wizard under the name Max, and see what she suggested as brother names. I’d pick my favorite of those five names and go look IT up, and then pick my favorite of THOSE five names, and so on.

Or if my list felt too short or nothing seemed quite right, I’d brainstorm to see if I could find names that had things in common with the name. For Max, I’d consider Sam and Jack because they were one-syllable names with the same vowel sound and general style. Then I might see how I felt about Gus and George, or about Matt and John. For Silas, I’d consider Simon and Elias. I’d see if I could put a finger on what it was I liked about the name, and then see if there were other similar names I might feel more decisive about.

If I were making a brainstorming list from your list, it would look something like this:

Silas
Simon
Elias
Eli
Elijah
Seth
Josiah
Isaac
Zachary
Ian
Ezekiel
Micah
Miles
Aaron
Ezra
Ezekiel
Evan
Noah
Levi
Max
Sam
Jack
George
Gus
Charlie
Matt
John
James
Leo
Henry
Paul
Adam
Parker
Archer
Spencer
Carter
Carson
Miller
Connor
Colin
Carter
Carson
Camden
Callum
Kyle
Keegan
Kieran
Donovan
Daniel
Aiden
Landon
Brandon
Brenden
Evan
Everett
Nolan
Ethan
Nathan
Clay
Gabe
Gabriel
Gage
Cole
Gray
Grayson
Hayden
Tate
Wade
Wyatt
David
Caleb
Jarvis
Jared
Garrett
Bennett
Travis
Thomas

If this is starting to feel overwhelming and stressful, then this may not be the method for you. One of my friends does zero with baby name books, and instead waits for the name to occur to her. She’s going along and thinks, “Adam. How about Adam? Yes, Adam. With…James. Yes, James, that would be nice, and that’s my husband’s grandfather’s name. Adam James. How nice!” My mother-in-law was the same: Paul was named by that method, as was his sister. “Way more time and effort” doesn’t necessarily pay off in a proportionately better name; in fact, it can lead to more stress and uncertainty.

Or you could do a shorter version of my method: instead of writing down EVERY name you even KIND OF like, only write down the ones you really like. Instead of then making the list longer, make it shorter: toss out the ones where you know you wouldn’t choose that name over another name on your list. If you get down to a couple of names and neither of them feels right, THEN maybe try brainstorming for similar names.

With one of my pregnancies, we did something like this: I wrote down a list of a dozen or so names I really liked. I showed the list to Paul. He picked his favorite from that list. We used it. That was a good way, too. You could both make lists, and choose one or two or three from each other’s lists, and make those into a new list.