Hi Swistle,
This is all purely hypothetical, but I have a question that I thought might be interesting to discuss.
Your post about whether the name Dash is too similar to DAESH has me thinking about a little girl in my son’s class named Isis. They are 9/10 year olds, in 4th grade, and surely 10 years ago ISIS wasn’t on our national radar.
Do you think that the name Isis is enough of a burden that it would be worth changing a child’s name? Obviously not without their buy in, but what do you think? I might make a serious lobby with my kid to start calling them by their middle, or to legally rearrange the name order so that Isis was the middle name/nickname that they could easily drop. And if my child was young enough, heck, maybe her name is Iris now, no buy in required.
But then, it’s your baby’s name, and you were probably thinking about the Egyptian goddess of the sky when you named her. I dunno. It’s the sort of thing that would distress me TREMENDOUSLY, so I’ve been puzzling over it. What would you do if your child’s name became very, very negatively associated with something, after you had already named them?
Miss Grace
I am very interested in this, too. My feelings and thoughts on the whole thing are so similar to yours, I’m finding it hard to write anything that isn’t a complete duplicate of what you just said. If my 10-year-old daughter were named Isis, I believe by now we would have taken some sort of action: I like the Iris idea, I like the middle name idea, etc. It would comfort me to know that people would KNOW we hadn’t named her after ISIS, but I think I would still want to do something about it.
Also, I am at least in theory okay with changing names. When William was in preschool with two other Williams, we talked with him about whether he’d like to instead go by a variant of his name, or by a nickname, or by his middle name. And when people grow up with a name they don’t feel comfortable with and they want to change it, I think that’s a fine idea. I don’t have a “NEVERRRRRRRR!!” feeling about it.
I think this is a great place for a poll. Everyone keep in mind that we are not talking only about the name Isis, but about any name that acquires a terrible and specific association after it has already been given to the child. Maybe you’re not really hearing anything about ISIS and so it’s hard to see what the problem is; in that case, think of a situation where the association WOULD be a huge problem—an association that would cause tremendous distress.
Let’s see if we can simplify things by NOT considering names in heavy usage, such as Charles or David or Matthew: perhaps someone with that name is in the news for doing something terrible, but the name is so diluted, it’s hard for the new association to stick. The comments section is going to dissolve into zero helpfulness/interest if we introduce “Well, ANY name can be association with SOMETHING bad.” No, let’s stick to cases such as Isis, where the name is unusual enough for the association to be strong and distressing, and something that is likely to endure beyond two weeks in the news. Adolf would be another good example of the sort of thing we are thinking of here.
Now let’s discuss the poll options. We’re talking about something that could happen when the child was an infant (in which case you would probably feel free to make name choices without consulting them) OR when the child was an older child (in which case you would need to include them in the decision), so the poll choices will ASSUME that range of consulting or not consulting, depending on circumstances. That is, the poll option “Oh, I’d change that sucker” includes the idea that you might be working with an older child who did NOT want to change; we’re only talking about what YOU would WANT to do. The child might not want to, and you’d do your thing about that, but your DESIRE would be to change it.
So! Are we all clear? This is about a name that would cause you to feel tremendous distress. And then it’s about what YOU would want to do about it. (If it’s easier, you can think of it as asking about whether you’d change your own name.) The poll options attempt to achieve a matter of degree of feeling: some people feel names can be changed, and others feel more as if once a name is given It Is GIVEN, no matter what.
As always with polls, there is no way to have an answer that matches exactly what each voter would choose: we are only trying to sort answers into broad categories, so that we don’t have a 1000-option poll with one vote for each option. More detail can be given in the comments section.
[When I voted it asked me if I wanted to vote as a WordPress user or an Anonymous user. I have no idea what that is about. I tried to change it so it wouldn’t ask that anymore (it shouldn’t be asking voters for ANY info except vote)—but if I was not successful, just choose “Anonymous.”]
Let me just say, if my child were old enough that they were in school and liked their name, I would not change it. If the child were under 5, I’d go by their middle name.
Yeah, I wouldn’t actually legally change their name, I don’t think, but if the kid were little enough I might have them go by a nickname or the like. And if they were older, I’d seek their opinion on it and see if they might want to go by a nickname or middle.
This, I think, is what middle names are for (and why it’s generally better if they’re serviceable, and not just ways for parents to secretly go wild). If I had a daughter whose first name was Isis, by now I’d have gotten used to saying, “Her name is Isis Jade, Isis for the Egyptian goddess, but we’re calling her Jade these days for obvious reasons, haha!”
Because so often, a change of just a letter makes all the difference in the feel and appeal of the name. Isis and Iris sound alike, but to me they’re almost total opposites in “vibe”–one is powerful, Afrocentric, and rich with mythology; one is a noun name in the same category with many others in fairly common use. I don’t think I know anyone who, in a vacuum, would have been likely to choose either of the two names (all the people I know who go for names like Isis eschew names like Iris/Lily/Rose, and vice versa).
Is it okay to add that I’d be holding out hope that at some point in little Isis’s lifetime, no one would have any memory of what ISIS even was? Maybe unrealistic, but I’d be reluctant to ditch her first name for that reason.
Iris is a goddess!
Oh my! So she is.
That makes a difference, but I’m sure there are at least a few other dummies like me who think of the flower first. :)
Swistle’s baby name blog needs a “Like” button! Your comment made me LOL! I guess I’m one of those “dummies” too ;-) because I also think of only the flower when I hear “Iris”.
This is a tough one. If the child was young (under 5?), I think I’d probably just switch the order of names. But maybe not? If the child was older, I don’t know what I’d do. My eldest is 8, and has no idea what ISIS is (for example), so I cannot at all imagine trying to change his name without some major confusion and push back. Honestly, now that I’m typing it out, I think I’d be inclined to not change it, under these circumstances. My parent’s cat is named Isis and I know an adult named Isis, and I don’t think of ISIS in either circumstance. And this is a tad different, but my sister in law and I have the exact same name, first and last. Our last name is uncommon. I think if my child had the same first and last name of a person who rose to fame through some great evil, I’d be more inclined to change it, especially if the name was uncommon. (Off topic, sorry!)
To me this is an issue that seemed very straight forward at first glance (DITCH THE NAME!) but the more I think about it the more complicated it gets and is heavily dependent on the age of the child.
1. For a very young child (say less than 2) I think it would be easy to switch to something similar but in that period of time it may not be long enough to be sure the name has been permanently tainted. In this scenario you would have to hypothetically think back to the early days of the Isis stories where some news stations were calling it by different names, etc. Think weighing the pros and cons of your love for your great grandma Isis vs this horrific news story you just heard. I would probably start test driving different names at this point (sometimes their given name, others a nickname to test out in case the story gains traction).
2. For a youngish child they may love their name but not yet old enough to fully understand the awful name association. My oldest is almost 4 and I would put him in this category. Not sure what the upper age limit might be here. To me this is the tough group and it would depend alot on your child’s personality. The only way I could convince my kiddo to change his name right now is if I agreed to start calling him spider-man.
3. For a child old enough to understand the issue, its a simple switch that you can discuss together. Unless of course you have a very rebellious teen that doesn’t want to take any of your advice no matter how sound, lol.
So this seemingly “simple issue” is a bit more complicated than I originally thought:-)
I have a granddaughter named Catrina (after her mom Catherine). When she was in middle school, Hurricane Katrina happened and was in the news for some time. While she was saddened by the event and loss of life, destruction and controversy, she was not upset that that particular hurricane was called Katrina. She saw that as “another Katrina’ and nothing to do with her. Years later, I don’t think most people immediately think about Hurricane Katrina when they hear “Catrina”.
Also, Catrina has always gone by Cate some of the time, so that’s another “distancing” from the event that happened some years ago. And Katrina/Catrina is a fairly well known name in the US.
With a name many Americans are unfamiliar with anyway — like Isis — I think the likelihood of negative association is stronger and could persist longer. And the negativity with Isis is “foreign” and very scary.
(continued) If I had a child with a name of that sort — previously fairly unique in the US and the same as a word now being used widely in the media to apply to something evil and persisting, I would most likely start calling the child, with his/her input depending on the child’s age, a different name — maybe his/her middle name or something very similar and look into changing it legally.
For example, a girl named Isis Marie could be called “Marie” or “Iris”.
I know a little girl named Isis who is 2 years old. Her older sister who turned 4 is battling pediatric cancer. I give you that information because these two little girls are as precious as can be and of course when I first heard her name I thought of ISIS but do not associate the two. Granted I did not name this child but I can’t imagine that the mom would change her name and I would not encourage the mom to change little Isis’ name.
For another example, one of my favorite names is Columbine. It’s a pretty flower, it’s a feminization of St Columba (who’s great), and the name itself rolls so nicely off my tongue. My husband still hears “school shooting”. If we’d already had a wee Columbine when that happened, I don’t know that I would have changed it. I might have encouraged her to redeem her name, instead. The high school hasn’t changed its name. We haven’t renamed the flower.
On the other hand, if I’d had a little Alexandra who went by Sandy and we lived near Newtown, CT, maybe I’d suggest she go by Andie instead. But I hope I’d ask what she wanted, if she were old enough.
I know it’s not too helpful to discuss Theodore Roosevelt and Ted Bundy, or Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Lizzie Borden. Probably more like Adolf, Caligula, Osama, Saddam. And a lot of Adolfs did become Dolf, and the name is extremely unpopular today.
Ah. Hm. Gah.
Oooof this is so hard. I have SUCH strong identity associations with my own name, it would be really, really hard for me to change it.
And as someone currently trying to name a baby (I’m the Eva Lee / evilly question!) it seems very distressing to put this much time, effort, and mild agony into choosing the “perfect” name and then have to swap it out a few years later anyway. Although this is making me suddenly get high anxiety about also choosing a good middle name, ha!
So basically I totally don’t know. I voted “I’d WANT to but would waver” because I think I’d know that it’s what would be best, but… waver waver waver waver
Since I write wills for people & do real estate transactions I always have to know what a client’s legal name is and you would not believe how common it is for people to have a round about way to get from their legal name to the name they go by. Going by a middle name is waaaaaaaay more common that I knew. Using initials might be a good solution, but I like transitioning from Isis to Iris.
I was so sure that I would change it until I started reading the comments and thinking about it more deeply. My son is 10 months old and my first thought was ‘I could never let someone so precious and innocent have a name so evil’, but there is so much that goes into a name! At first I thought that if something horrific happened right now I would change it, but there is no way to know if the association will stick around or not, so I now would be inclined to not change it until I knew for sure… but that would run us into him being old enough that I would need to consult him and how do you do that without putting things on a child’s shoulders that shouldn’t be there? And if you lay out the options and they decide not to change it will they forever question their name?
Ugg.. this is HARD>.
This was very tough for me to call. Reading through the comments I came to the conclusion that I would likely begin using both her first and middle name, such as the examples “Isis Jade” or “Isis Marie.” Personally, creating a double name softens the effect of Isis. I did a similar thing, when a new mom, with people I could sense would have questions about my daughter’s uncommon first name. Somehow (in those early days) throwing “Elizabeth” on the end seemed to distract or mitigate the “oh is that a family name?” “Where did you find that?” etc questions I heard with a disproving tone. Then (maybe for her first year) I would have considered changing her name if it were Isis. However, now, her name’s become a part of her and I really could care less if there are people who prefer names such as Emma, Olivia or Sophia. Which brings me back to strongly wanting to disassociate my daughter from ISIS but also struggling to simply change her name. Such a tough spot and I really liked that name years ago!
I am the asker of this question, and I will say that my 10yo son is 100% aware of ISIS the terrorist organization. When this girl started at his school last year, he had to COME RIGHT HOME to report her name, AGHAST. WHY WOULD SOMEONE BE NAMED THAT?? I told him that before it was a terrorist thing it was a perfectly good name to use, but man. It has me CONFLICTED.
I think In the end I wouldn’t legally change the name but I might start using a nickname, middle name or double name more frequently. Depending on the child’s age I might ask their input/if it’s been a problem at school.
Then as an adult I would support the child if they decided the original name had too much baggage.
Columbine is a great example. I’m 33 and I would find that name startling, but my kids probably will be unfamiliar with the tragedy.
I’m 33 too and I CANNOT IMAGINE using the name Columbine. It is forever and tragically linked to the shootings. However, I think that my kids will have no idea what I’m even talking about.
I can’t imagine changing the name of a child older than 2. When my youngest started hearing his middle name in conjunction with his first name, he would turn to me and say “I am not (middle name)! I am (first name)!” He was clearly very attached to his name at a very young age. But if the child were older and wanted to change it, I would be willing to go along with it. But probably only to the extent of a middle name or something like the Iris option. I’m not sure I could agree to something completely different.
I think it totally depends on the kid and how old they are. My oldest, who is four, would change her name in a heartbeat, and has gone through several phases where she refuses to be called by her name. (Usually, she wants to switch names with her baby brother). But if I decided for some reason that she needed her name changed, there is no way that I would get to pick the name. She would end up being named Lolly, or Bara, or Lulie, or possibly (for some reason this is her favorite name that is traditionally a name) Miriam.
If there had been a stronger option than “No way I’d change it,” I would have chosen it. My feeling is that reasonable adults can separate a negative association from a name that was obviously given before the association occurred. Only unreasonable adults would take it out on the kid, and I don’t cater to unreasonable people. I would predict the biggest problem from kids who don’t quite understand the complexity of connotations, but hopefully some words from parents/teachers would set them straight. If bullying continued, I would consider that a sign of bigger problems than just an unfortunate name.
Now, if my kid were the one wanting to change the name, that would be somewhat different. I would strongly encourage her to ride it out for a while, but realistically, if a teenager wants to introduce herself by her middle name, I can’t do much to stop that.
I agree there is absolutely no way I would change the name or use a nickname unless that’s what the child wanted. People who had a problem with the name would just need to get over their kneejerk bigotry and realize all names have many different meanings. A bad event or person should not be allowed to co-opt a beautiful name.
I think this question is presented strangely. To ask, “Would you change your child’s name?” Once a name is given, it is no longer the adult’s possession – it belongs to the child. There is grey area in the time the child is incapable of making a choice about their name, but once they have an opinion about it, the child needs to have a voice in the, if not the ultimate, decision. So my answer would be, I would not change it, no, but if they wanted to I would support that. But then again, I’ve contemplated what we would do should we have the opportunity to adopt and I can’t decide how I feel about changing an adoptive kiddo’s name. The questions would be – how is my relationship with the bio family (are we connected, or do they pose safety issues), how old is the kiddo, is the name a connection they want to keep to their past, or do they want a “fresh start”? There is always what I think I would do in a situation, and then what I would actually do if it came to that.
If the question were, “If your name got a negative connotation, would you change it?” then I would say it would depend on how hindered I felt by the name.
I guess an extension of this question would be: “If you gave your child an honor name and that person did something horrible/unforgivable, would you change it?” Say “Grandpa” turns out to be a big ol’ molester or something equally horrid. You might not get the negative universal reaction (like at school or in public), but what about family? Gah, this is hard!
I am pretty certain that I would choose to change it. I base a lot of that on the fact that my name is Nancy. It was a top 10 name in my mom’s generation (and an honor name for me) but not as common in my generation. And I spent elementary school and middle school with Nancy Reagan as the First Lady. Basically from age 4-12, I heard quite often about her and having the same name as her. And while I know all names have something to be teased about, the strong connection between the two also made me not love my name and I never felt connected to it. It was like it also belonged to something else, and it wasn’t *mine*. If that makes sense. My last name is the same as a major equipment company and it doesn’t have the same association, probably because it is more diluted. (And you’d think nancy would be diluted since it was a top 10 name in the 40s. But there was something about the 8 years of First Lady-ing)
Anyway, since that was my experience I would probably change it. But I will say that this idea crossed my mind when naming my kids. I specifically did not want something unique and different, I wanted a name that was common enough to not really be able to associate with just one event or person. Also so Google would be broad.
I would probably first wait for the negative association to go away or at least significantly fade. If it continued to be a problem, I’d probably start calling the child by both their first and middle name and then transition from that to just going by their middle name, though I might still use their first name at home and around family.
When I was choosing my children’s middle name, one of the factors I took into consideration was whether they would work well as “back up names.”
I said I don’t know. Because if it was my child’s name, it is not my decision: a 4th grader has every right to decide what she’d like to be called. (My 3rd grader glared at me in class the other day and it took me a while to realize that I’d called Gwennie in public. Whoops. Gwen it is.) The most I’d feel comfortable doing is asking if it bothered her and offering support/suggestions Either way.
If it were my name, I’m still conflicted. On the one hand, I would hope I would OWN that name. It’s got some heft to it, after all, exotic and strong, and it would be hard to give that up, I think. And I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t let the terrorists win by taking my name away from me.
OTOH, maybe the name wouldn’t fit me as well as I would like. I met a 40-something woman with a highly unusual name (think tropical fruit, lots of vowels) and sh basically shrugged her shoulders and said, “Meh, I used to hate it, but now – it’s just my name, you know?” And I have to say, I didn’t – I thought, “Why on earth wouldnt you change it? It’s your name, you’re in charge!”
So… Aargh, I don’t know.
I’m now guessing Mangosteen, Papaya, Passionfruit, Tamarind (that one’s the namiest, I think), Macademia…
So funny to see this question…I was literally just yesterday mulling around the name Iris, and decided THAT was too close to ISIS, and that got me to this same question…what if a child had been named Isis before it became tainted. I had come to the conclusion that it was just one of those unfortunate things, and the child might decide to go by the middle name or a different nickname, but ultimately it was up to the child. I will say that I can’t even imagine changing my kids’ names at this point, and my youngest is only 17 months old. But he knows his name, and it feels like him. And my four year old LOVES His name and seems to identify strongly with it…so I can see how a ten year old might balk at the suggestion to change it. Tough! And unfortunately, you never really know what’s going to happen in the future…it does give more credence to using a diluted, common name. Joseph doesn’t make me think “Stalin” like Adolf makes me think “Hitler”!
My 6 year old Doberman is named Isis and while it’s been a disappointment to hear people talk so negatively about the name, i still love it for her. We named her after the Egyptian goddess and it fit her beautifully. The name being “ruined” breaks my heart. We never even considered changing her name, but she has about a million nick names which I tend to use when in public.
Most people are pretty understanding and i generally mention the meaning behind her name whenever out comes up. I definitely wondered what i would do if it were my child and not my pet, but I sort of feel like changing the name lets them win so I imagine I would do the same as we currently are with Isis. That is unless the child themselves was having trouble and wished to change it. What a conundrum!
That would indeed be a tricky situation! It reminds me of how my grandma (born in the 1930s) went to school with SEVERAL little boys named Adolf. I can’t imagine naming a child that now, but before World War II I’m sure it was a perfectly fine name to use.
I think it would partially depend on how popular the name is. Take, for example, the name Sarah. Of course there’s an association with Sarah Palin (who I personally am not a fan of), but there are so many other Sarahs out there that I don’t think it would be that big of an issue. I wouldn’t use the name Donald, though, because it’s so rarely used these days that I automatically think of Donald Trump whenever I hear the name.
I probably wouldn’t want to legally change the name unless the child wanted to, but I would encourage them to go by their middle name or a nickname. A girl named Isis, for example, could go by Izzy. I also like Swistle’s idea of going by a similar name–Isla would be also a good alternative if the kid or her parents didn’t like Iris. It’s possible that something could happen to redeem the name (for example, if a scientist named Isis found the cure for cancer), so I’d keep the option of going back to using the original name on the table.
Oops, totally just realized Swistle brought up the exact same point about the popularity of the name in the original post!
I asked my husband’s opinion, and he said, “I’d follow the rule from the movie Office Space from the guy named Michael Bolton: ‘Why should I change my name? He’s the one who sucks.'”
Not the same example, but there was an immigrant settlement services organization here called ISIS. They changed their name fairly quickly. It’s obviously different with an organization for a number of reasons. I’m not sure how I’d feel if it was my own name. I think I’d be more inclined to change/adapt a child’s name. An adult can take it, the initial negative association could negatively impact the way someone thinks about (or treats) your child, whether they’re aware of it or not.
I think “Izzy” would be a perfectly appropriate new nickname, if the child was on board.
My sister is a Sandy, in NJ no less, and while she definitely got a lot of comments right after the hurricane, I’m pretty sure no mentions it or thinks anything of it now, and it hasn’t even been that long.
Isis was a goddess and name first, and I don’t think it’s fair for all of those girls (and pets) with beautiful names to have to change it because of terrorists. Isn’t that letting the terrorists win? Unless it really bothers the kid, I’d just be like “DUH, like the goddess” and give blank stares/evil glares to anyone dumb enough to think the kid was named after the terrorist group.
I agree that the child’s age makes a big difference.
If the child is young enough, I would probably keep the official name and change the call name. Maybe it would be the middle name, their initials, a nickname derived from the first (e.g. Isis >> Isa) a mash-up of first and middle (e.g. Isis Marie >> Irie) or just the first-middle combo. I would especially do this if it seems likes something that will fade from the spotlight within a few years, and it seems like she could easily transition back to the original.
If the child were older (between about 4 and 14), I might start calling her different variations on her name at home before broaching the subject with her. That way, when I bring it up it’s not “This is the situation with your name, what do you think about going by a completely different name?” but it’s “This is the situation with your name, but hey, we both like it when I call you Isa, what do you think about introducing yourself to people as Isa instead of Isis?”
In this case, I would still prefer to just change the call name. However, it’s her name so I would support her if she wanted to change her legal name, and only ask that I have some input in choosing the name. I’ve known quite a few people who changed their call names at various stages of life (mostly in high school and college), so it’s not a big deal. Changing the legal name to me feels like there is shame in having the name, when there really shouldn’t be.
If I were an established adult with a name like Isis, I think it would be a lot harder to change. If anything, I would probably go by my first-middle combo or a logical nickname to soften the issue. Just imagine the awkward e-memo of an adult name change: “Dear colleagues, Due to the rise of a terrorist organization that shares my name, I am no longer be using the name Isis. Please now call me by my middle name, Marie. Respectfully yours, Marie Jones (FKA Isis Jones)”
The bigger idea that this brings up is the inherent risk with giving your child an unusual name, especially one without an obvious nickname. Hurricanes are a great way to look at this. For example, Hurricane Andrew was one of the most destructive storms in our recent history. However, it was such a common name at the time (and still is), that people continued to use it and you wouldn’t think twice about it if you met an Andrew. On the other hand, Katrina was not rare, but definitely not common in the mid-2000s. A decade later, it still seems taboo to use because the hurricane is the main association most people have with the name. So sad – I love the name Katrina. That’s not to say common names are better, but if choosing an uncommon name it would be wise to have a back-up plan or two.
I voted no but that I might waiver. Using Isis as the example, I don’t think I’d change the name of the child was an infant. If the child was older, no way would I bring it up unless the kid mentioned it or I knew teasing had been going on. NIts possible little Isis has never had a problem, so why would I potentially create an issue for her where none existed I used Isis as my example name because I honestly can’t think of anything else. And Isis doesn’t seem that bad to me, it does have other well known associations, and I think it’s pretty obvious the parents wouldn’t intend to name after a terrorist organization.
All that said, I don’t think names are set in stone and I would totally support my kid if they wanted to change their name for any reason. So I would waiver if that’s what my child wanted.
I would not change it! It’s a beautiful name and I hate that it’s been used by the terrorist group. For all the people already named Isis, a separation must be made. My ex has a 5 yr old dog Isis. It’s made me think about what I’d do, and I decided I’d call her Isie/Icey and Cece. I think those are not a stretch at all. Dogs not the same as a kid, I know. But I’d still NOT CHANGE IT.
I voted would want to, but would waver. I’m already wavering.
I think the problem, for me, would be the time needed to be sure the negative associations were going to stick around long enough to “taint” the name. And while waiting that out, the name would be becoming more and more the child’s name.
So, I want to say I’d change it if the child were an infant and couldn’t recognize their name yet. But, then, I think, would I know in that short number of months — the time I chose the name during pregnancy to the time the child was, say, 6 months old is maybe a year? — that the negative version would be around long enough to become an association? If ISIS the organization had somehow been wiped out/defeated/changed their ways to start giving people flowers and puppies during year 2, then the negative association wouldn’t be strong enough by the time the child hit school for anyone to make a connection. But there’s not way to KNOW. So, I’d be agonizing over whether the name was going to become the next “Adolf” while I hoping it would be the next . . . name I can’t even think of because the seemingly horrific association was so transient that I can’t even come up with an example. And while I was agonizing? Little Isis would be becoming more and more Isis.
I have an adopted daughter who came to us through foster care. She was an infant when she arrived and she had a name. For the first 6 months of her life, her mother worked a case plan and we called her by her birth name. It wasn’t our style and it didn’t fit great into our sib-set, but she wasn’t our child to name. Then her mother stopped working her case plan and we adopted the baby. My husband mentioned maybe changing her name — because she was only 6 months old when we knew we would likely be adopting her. I couldn’t do it. I told him I’d spent 6 months calling her by her birth name and it was just who she was. So, we kept it. I can’t help thinking that I’d feel the same way if her name had been Isis.
I said I would change it. Or at least I would find a nickname that would work. I have a different background when it comes to changing a child’s name though. Like the previous poster I have two adopted kiddo’s through foster care and have a ton of friends and family who have done the same. (there are 8 adopted kids in my inner circle all through foster care) the oldest any of the kids were when placed was around 2. All of the adoptions where finalized between their 1st and their 4th birthdays. For our two, we kept the oldest’s name even though it wasn’t a name we would have picked, we were OK with it and by the time he was adopted we had been calling him by a version of it for over 2 years. Our youngest’s birth name was a very unusual, ethnic name that we didn’t care for at all. We never called her by her full name. We picked a nickname that we liked and when her adoption was finalized at 18 months, her name changed to a different name with the same nickname. Our friends have done more changing though. One friend changed both of her girls names and they were 2 and a half and 4 when the adoptions were finalized. Another friend used just a version of the birth name for the same reason we did and then on her second she left the birth name. The other two were both given new names when adopted but one the name is only one letter different from her birth name so it was easy to change and the other one uses a form of his birth name as his middle name and he still goes by the nickname he always used. The parents let him make the choice. My experience is that changing names is much harder on the adults that know the child then it is on the actual child.
Oddly enough, I met a real-life little Isis the day before I read this post. She was about 8 years old and was a student in a class I was teaching for the day. She was in the mix with Taylor and Ella and Johanna and Claire and Abby and several other little girls and I have to say, at the moment the connection between her name and the horrible ISIS didn’t even cross my mind. It was only once I read this that I thought to myself, “Wait, I met an Isis yesterday!”
I’m sure if I spent more time with the class it would have eventually dawned on me. More time with the class would also have given me a sense of whether other children ever teased her for her name. But as it was, I associated her name only with her and not with anything else. I’d imagine I’m not the only one who would have that reaction.
For that reason, I think my inclination would be to leave the name alone, or at most come up with a nickname if my child was being teased and requested one. I wouldn’t change the whole name, though.
My brother is named Richard, but goes by the nickname Dick (we already had an uncle Richard known as Rich). People are sometimes horrified that anyone would name their kid Dick, but my mother says it didn’t have the connotation it does now when they (nick)named him. He just shrugs it off. I think Isis should do the same. And there are even non-evil Adolphs out there, so I think that’s another case of names not being single-use.
I wonder how people feel about the name Mary Jane for this same reason. It’s definitely not a terrible name, but it has such a strong association with the drug that I wonder how popular it is nowadays.
I was looking at the SSA baby names website, at names that had decreased in rank from 2014-2015, and was shocked to discover that Isis had dropped by more than a thousand ranks! Then “duh” I realized why. I wondered if Swistle had done a blog about it so I searched “Isis” on her website and here I am.
Anyway, I thought it was really interesting:
https://www.ssa.gov/oact/babynames/rankchange.html#&ht=1
Also Anabell & all variants are really high on the list. Haven’t figured that one out yet.
I think I would not change the name but maybe go by a nickname or a middle name if the child was young enough or open to it if they were older.
Hey everyone! My daughter was born in December 2010 and we named her Isis after the Bob Dylan song which is mine and my husbands favourite and of course the goddess Isis too because she is amazing!! Unfortunately last year we felt that we had to change her name! We live in a small town and everyone here was fine with her being Isis but what if she wants to live in Paris when she’s older! No one will forget the organisation who caused all that evil and she will forever be reminded of it when people do a sad face as she introduces herself or says oh thats unfortunate! I also had a stranger come up to me as I was calling her out the park one day and tell me I was disgusting for naming my child that! I just burst in to tears! It’s a year on now and she has adapted very well to her new name which is Inez by the way so still very unique! I did explain to her when we changed it about why it had to be done and I just told her that a big group of baddies had stolen her name and made it sad and that people might be mean to her about it so we have to get a new name now! I don’t think she is completely over it as she is a very sensitive little girl anyway but she has definitely coped well! I have always told her that when she’s 18 she can change it back if she wants because then she will be old enough to decide for herself! It really did break mine and my husbands hearts having to do this but we both feel we have done what’s best for her future! Hope this helps the discussion!
Forgot to say we changed it legally by deed poll and did keep Isis as a middle name too!!