I was thinking today about some of the things I was worried about when choosing my babies’ names, and how little those things ended up mattering in the long run. Here were a few of my worries:
• The initials of two names spelled something like I.V.—not negative, exactly, but you wouldn’t call them positive either, and they definitely called something to mind
• One name had so many syllables—TOO many?
• One name had three really good middle-name candidates, very hard to choose
• One name was much less common than our usual style
• One name repeated two sounds of an already-used name
• One name was very close to my brother’s name, while not actually being my brother’s name
• One name was more common than our usual style
• One middle name wasn’t a family name, when we’d been using family names as middle names
• One name we liked quite a bit, and it was the only one we agreed on, but we didn’t LOVE it
• One name was a family honor name, but we hadn’t done any other family honor names as first names
• One name was hard to spell
• One middle name was an honor name of someone we wanted to honor, but we really didn’t like the name—and the name was also the name of one of my serious ex-boyfriends
• One name was not the most common spelling of a name
• Two names came from a TV show
• Our twin names were quite different in style and length
• I worried that two middle names would be a hassle, or that it wasn’t a good idea to put my maiden name in there
• A baby name book said our favorite boy name would “go girl”; I disagreed…and yet, I worried the book was right and I was wrong
• One name was only one syllable and I worried it was too choppy and/or would be nicknamed because of it
• One name seemed like it might indicate religious affiliation
When I look over this list now, it is not TOO hard to re-create the feelings of anxiety I had over all these issues—and yet they matter so little now. Looking down the list and evaluating each one:
• The initials of two names spelled something like I.V.—not negative, exactly, but you wouldn’t call them positive either, and they definitely called something to mind: no one has mentioned it to us or to the child, and it has not bothered me; I think of it every so often in an “oh, yeah, I forgot about that!” sort of way.
• One name had so many syllables—TOO many?: Not an issue at all; if anything, it’s made me like longer names more.
• One name had three really good middle-name candidates, very hard to choose: I’m glad we chose the one we did, but I think I’d feel the same way if we’d chosen either of the two others.
• One name was much less common than our usual style: I’m so glad we went with it, and I love it, and I doubt anyone cares that it’s less common than the others.
• One name repeated two sounds of an already-used name: Hasn’t been an issue.
• One name was very close to my brother’s name, while not actually being my brother’s name: A few times, I’ve called the child by my brother’s name or my brother by the child’s name, which has been fine; a few times, I’ve wished we’d just gone ahead and used my brother’s name, since I don’t think it would have been as confusing as we’d feared it would be.
• One name was more common than our usual style: Periodically I regret that the name is so common—but I don’t regret using the name, because the type of person we envisioned when we thought of that name is the type of person the child IS, which is fun.
• Two middle names aren’t family names, and three are: No one cares, including us—and no one mentioned it when our third and fourth children didn’t have family middle names after our first two children did.
• One name we liked quite a bit, and it was the only one we agreed on, but we didn’t LOVE it: Now it seems perfect.
• One name was a family honor name, but we hadn’t done any other family honor names as first names: No one cares, including us; if anything, I’m glad we saved the honor name for a non-first child, so that no one expected us to keep that up.
• One name was hard to spell and was not the most common spelling of the name, but for a good reason: Sometimes it gets misspelled; at those times, we correct the spelling; no regret on using the spelling, because it was worth it.
• One middle name was an honor name of someone we wanted to honor, but we really didn’t like the name—and the name was also the name of one of my serious ex-boyfriends: I did have to tell the ex-boyfriend directly that it wasn’t after him (he remarked on it as if it were significant, so I corrected him), but that was not a big deal; the honored person was so pleased and I think of him each time I think of the name, and I’m so glad we used it.
• Two names came from a TV show: No one cares, including us.
• Our twin names were quite different in style and length: When I was first telling people their names, I did feel like there was a little let-down feeling among the people I was telling: they’d hoped for something more TWINNY. But that has not mattered in the long run. And although I DO wish we’d been able to find names we loved that were more twinny, I’m happy with each name individually.
• I worried that two middle names would be a hassle, or that it wasn’t a good idea to put my maiden name in there: I can count on one hand the number of times we had to deal with it—and all of the issues were minor. For example, once a school thought that the child had two surnames, and once a school though the child had two first names; both times, I just sent in a note making the correction. We also found that sometimes forms only allow for one middle initial. Now that I know what kind of errors can be made, I am just very clear when I fill out paperwork for the first time (and I chose a consistent middle initial for each of us, for times when we can only have one), and I don’t think we’ve had an error in years. Meanwhile, I feel very very happy that they have my maiden name in there, and I feel freshly happy every time I fill out paperwork.
• A baby name book said our favorite boy name would “go girl”; I disagreed…and yet, I worried the book was right and I was wrong: I was right and the book was wrong.
• One name was only one syllable and I worried it was too choppy and/or would be nicknamed because of it: No.
• One name seemed like it might indicate religious affiliation: It’s possible it does, especially when combined with a larger family—but it hasn’t come up, and we haven’t found it to be a problem.
I do think names are important. I do think they deserve a lot of thought and care. But I think there are a lot of issues that SEEM important during the naming process, but then they don’t turn out to be important in the long run. Have you found this to be the case, too? What things were you anxious about during the naming process that turned out to be unimportant in the long run?
Our daughter’s name is Margaret, with the nickname of Greta. I didn’t want anyone to call her anything but Margaret or Greta unless she was the one who wanted that. So I didn’t want anyone to give her the nickname Maggie or anything — even though I’d be fine with it if that’s what she prefers when she’s older.
So I was worried that people would start calling her Maggie or Margie or Meg, etc. or that they’d refuse to call her Greta.
To my surprise, nobody has called her anything but Greta. Not even her pediatrician calls her Margaret.
It’s actually given me a new worry — that I won’t know how to explain to her that her name is Margaret, since we only use her nickname.
But that’s probably also unfounded. I’m sure we’ll manage.
I was this post: https://www.swistle.com/babynames/2011/11/24/baby-girl-garnet-sister-to-brendan-and-bridget/
We both really loved Maeve, but had ruled it out early on for … reasons. In the end, went with it. Here were the primary hesitations about using the name Maeve in 2012:
1) People won’t be able to pronounce it.
(I’ve gotten Moo-ah-vey and MOHve and “Ma–MaVEE–Ma,,,your daughter”, but not often. Tends to come up when getting reminder calls from new doctor/dentist receptionists, and it hasn’t been insulting or anything; I just correct it)
2) Very “out there,” according to my family.
(Meh, family came around. My dad calls me whenever he sees a Maeve on television now.)
3) Yet I was also terrified it would skyrocket in popularity
(It still may … this is possibly the only one that still gives me pause, but not enough to make me regret the name choice)
4) It didn’t match the other in the sib-set as to length, syllables, first letter, decade height of popularity … but at least it does in the Traditional Irish style sense.
(What I hoped would be true is true — people look at the girls as one sib set. The fact that older brother matches the middle sister so well that Maeve looks like the outlier when all 3 are said hasn’t come up often. Maybe Christmas cards only? Anyway, what was a “Big Deal” is now a “shrug”).
5) Negative family association–a first cousin who is hated by many in the family (I just avoid the woman, but my sister and mom are not so lucky because of [reasons]) used it for her dog.
(The dog died. Look, I don’t wish the loss of a pet on anyone, I’m just saying that the dog thing became less of a reason over time.)
6) In theory, I detested Maevey-rhymes-with-gravy nickname.
(I call her Maevey probably more than anyone. Became Maevey-Bean and then just Bean.)
Great post!
I love your compiled advice posts! As someone still pre-baby, this list puts my mind at ease a little. Especially not being able to pick between several good middle-name candidates. Here are some of my current fears for future children’s names:
That my nickname-free boy choices are too “manly” for babies and will only really fit then when they’re older (think Bruce)
That by limiting myself to meaningful family names, others who don’t know the backstory will find the names boring/unfitting.
That my girl choices are uncharacteristically less common and less intuitive to spell.
That the initials BS will scar one future child even though the name is absolutely wonderful.
That by going with one of many equally wonderful middle names, I will have missed the opportunity for something that felt perfect.
That I put too much stock in the rarity of my name choices and that it will be unnecessarily painful if one leaps in popularity.
That using the same 3 initials for two children, should the opportunity present itself, will make another feel left out.
That my children will wish I gave them normal, non-heritage names like “Sophia” or “Jacob”
I could keep going…I have a lot of name fears! This gives me hope that one day they will all seem rather trivial. Thank you Swistle! :D
For what it’s worth, I absolutely *love* when babies have “manly” names like Bruce. There’s something completely adorable about a baby or a little kid with a name that allows you picture him as a tiny adult. (Much more endearing than the opposite — a grown man with a name that really only suits a baby.)
Thanks Squirrell Bait! It’s nice to hear an opinion that’s not “for a BABY? It just sounds awfully grown up”. To which one can really only reply “Well, it’s my hope that he will grow up one day!”
I love this. I am curious, was the name that is close to your brother’s but not quite accepted as an honor name? And was it meant to be? I sort of accidentally did this–my daughter’s name is an old friend’s childhood nickname that was only used by her mom. I didn’t make the connection until after the baby was here. My friend doesn’t think the baby is named for her but is so pleased by the connection.
Oh, to answer your question: I am quite a baby name regret worrier. I fussed about if baby one’s name was right up until we started naming baby 2. At which point baby 1 became perfect. So I still have all my worries about 2 active.
Worries about 1 that are no longer important: not giving a long “formal” name. The common-ness of the name. Not using a direct honor name as the first name. All kids having the same middle (same as me).
I so want to know Swistle’s children’s names! :-)
I know! I’ve always wanted to know, but this post just makes me want to know even more! :P
You must be reading through a blog reader or something. Her kids names are in the sidebar of the blog itself.
(ignore)
(didn’t realize they were pseudonyms)
I worried that use of a well known honor name would seem uncreative and boring – but the name has only received complements. I worried that the formal name would not “fit” my son, which it,didn’t completely but the most direct nickname fits perfectly. I worried that an alliterative first and middle would seem too cutesy but it enabled some cute rhymy ditties I sang to him when he was small and now the full name sounds dignified.
My son’s name has a lot of L in it. His middle name starts with L and there are 4 Ls in his hyphenated last name (which also starts with an L). But I actually like the alliteration and there’s no L in his first name, so it’s not overwhelming.
My daughter’s first and middle names have one syllable each. I wanted short name for both kids because their last name is longish, but I wondered if the 1-1-3-2 pattern would seem choppy at the beginning. Now I think it’s fine and she’s recently taken to signing her homework with her full name, middle included, so it obviously doesn’t bother her.
With the oldest I worried Henry was an old man’s name and wouldn’t fit in. HAHAHAHAHA! It LEAPED up the charts in the Midwest in 2006/07/08. We have the oldest Henry we know, but we know TONS of them. I also worried that he would be called Hank because all the Henry’s in my husband’s family are Hank – but no one has ever called him that.
I did not worry about the name Quinn going girl. It seemed like a totally masculine name to me but my Quinn was born mere WEEKS before Glee premiered. Now all the Quinns his age seem to be girls.
I didn’t have a lot of worries about our first daughter’s name. I think I was worried about her initials, because she has two middle names, but it’s really not a problem at all, especially since forms only ask for/care about your first middle initial.
My second daughter’s name, I was totally in love with but I had a lot of worries about it. I worried about setting ourselves up with too strict a pattern because both girls’ names start with S – we don’t plan on having any more children, so it’s unlikely we’ll have to deal with that.
I thought it would be “weird” if she only had one middle name and her sister had two, but my husband refused to do two middle names again – no one cares, not even me.
I worried her first name was too “out there.” Even though I loved it and the name itself isn’t “weird” I had never heard of a single person using it except a celebrity, which was how I discovered it in the first place. Also slightly embarrassing having to admit you found your child’s name in a celebrity magazine interview. – We get lots of compliments on her name and are asked where we heard it. No one has ever judged my “read it in a magazine” story (to my face anyway LOL)
I worried her name would get mistaken for another, much more popular name. – Sometimes it does, but not very often, and it doesn’t bother me at all when it happens. It gets corrected and we move on.
I think that’s it. All in all, I didn’t worry too much because both times I felt that we had found the most perfect names possible and nothing else would do, so I didn’t care whether anyone liked them or not!
My parents had the same issue. I’m the oldest and have 2 middle names and mostly honour names. My sister has 1 middle name and no honour names. No one has ever noticed or cared.
It was especially fun for me to read the list, because I’m the Grandma of the five Swistle children, so I know all their real names. I illustrate how non-existent the issues turned out to be, because with each item in the list I had to stop and figure it out, as in “Wha –? Initials spelling something?” — followed by reviewing each child’s name before I realized which one it was. (I hear you thinking “Hm. Bit of a dim, this Granny!”)
I personally had a name worry of my own when we named Swistle’s brother, because our favorite name was one that was old-fashioned but not so old-fashioned as to be back in style. So one neighbor’s comment after hearing the name was (with a sniff), “Oh, I take it that’s a family name?” Swistle uses a pseudonym for her brother, otherwise I’d tell you the name — and I’m itching to tell you, because it’s such a wonderful name, and I’m so glad we used it! (Oh Swistle, let me tell them!)
FAT CHANCE, MA.
Oh my goodness, now we see where you get your writing style! Love this!
^^^ yes
Hi Swistle’s Mom!!! I don’t want to step on any Swistle-toes, but you have NO IDEA how curious I am about the names of everyone in your family! So, so curious….
I had no idea the names listed for Sistle’s kids are pseudonyms! This whole time i’ve thought it was SO STRANGE that she named her kids after the British house of Windsor, but promoted Luna and Juniper, etc., so strongly! I’m an idiot. Now I’m curious too!!
OH Ignore my last comment — I iddn’t realize they were pseudonyms
I knew that Swistle gave her kids pseudonyms because I used that as an argument in my defense in an offsite continuation of a debate we had a few months ago, and my point there was that if you’re a literal “rule follower” like Swistle proclaimed herself to be her kids would in the future then need to mention those pseudonyms in the kinds of situations we talked about. Not they would need to in reality, but what I was trying to get across was that a line needed to be drawn somewhere about what kinds of names count for that purpose (otherwise legal/privacy/discrimination issues could arise), and based on my research and first-hand inquiries I’ve made I was trying to demonstrate where that “line” was. (I intentionally phrased this so as to not mention the situation itself and re-spark the debate.)
Now I want to live next door to BOTH Swistle and her mom. So utterly fun and delightful, both of you.
Love this post! My husband and I are still In the TTC stage, but we (especially me) have already thought a lot about names. I worry about our fashionable favorites being too popular and our unfashionable favorites being too unfashionable.
Love this post!
I’m getting married in May, and babies have been on my mind FOREVER, so I’m so excited to SOON be joining the mommy-to-be world and have my own naming experiences!
Right now, I worry a lot about the influence being a teacher will have on my name options. If I have a student I form a great connection to, I immediately cross their name off my list because I wouldn’t want my colleagues thinking it was because of my connection to the student (strange to worry about that, maybe, but still). My other fear is having a student in my class BEFORE I get a chance to name my babies any of my favourite names…. and then, having that named “ruined” for me.
For example, for quite awhile I liked the name Sophia (“Sophie”). It’s totally off my list now, I’ve had three Sophia’s, and while they have been wonderful little girls, it’s just too much now to think of naming my own daughter that name. Curse of the teaching profession!
I’m also worried about having way too many favourites! Most of which are from two very different styles of names. Making that first baby name choice will potentially narrow down my category of names for future children… and that’s a big moment! (Not that I feel that names have to “match”, but I do think some sibling names work a little better together than others). I’ll be using a lot of Swistle’s tests to work out which names are my outliers!
For example, right now I love…
Cecelia
Isabella
Jocelyn
But also…
Tessa
Leah
Cora
AND… BOY names! I cannot for the life of me create a list of boy names the way I can for girls. Mostly because my family is very male-dominant, so many classic names are already used for relatives, then there’s that teacher thing — my classes always have more boys than girls in them! … sigh.
So, here are my current worries before even being at that stage. Looking forward to dealing with it one day, though, haha!
Swistle I want to know your kids names so so SO badly. It is absolutely killing me! Actually, speaking of which, what if I developed some horrible deadly disease and only had one day to live, could I email you and you would email me back the names? Kind of as one last hurrah? Deal??
Ha!
Ha ha!
Swistle, I did some shameful time-travelling through the archives and found the post where you talked about your kids’ “closer to real life” pseudonyms…so if you get a new comment notification on an absolutely ancient blog post, it was me :) I hardly think anyone would notice if you just *happened* to share whether I guessed any right…pretty please? Also, I think I have that disease Beverly was talking about…*coughwheezecough*
Great post, Swistle!
I only wish I’d had some of these worries when I was naming–and I don’t think I’ve ever yet regretted not having worried adequately….I do the “intuitive leap” kind of thinking, so these minutely reasoned posts sometimes just blow my socks off (in a good, appreciative way).
What I remember most is feeling almost blase about my daughters’ names. Well, maybe not quite blase, but nearly so. With my first pregnancy, I was a young impoverished hippie type, and I talked a friend into driving me to the nearest “bigger” city (think population 30,000) where I consulted a name dictionary in the reference room of the public library. A one-time-only deal. No internet, no baby name books. And I used that library time mostly to corroborate that the name I was drawn to, a name I knew only from an acquaintance, was actually a name. So I used Bryn back when it wasn’t even on the SS list, and then when she was born my Aunt Yale chided me for having given her too unusual a name, which I found too funny coming from her.
With my 2nd daughter, I was in a much more secure birthing situation–as in married now to a sensible, loving partner–and we chose the name Catherine if we were to have a girl. But when she was born, it was somehow out of the question to use Catherine–it just didn’t fit her at all. For a couple of days we just let matters swirl–again, no internet, no baby name books–but here’s the thing: no worrying about it even then. (Maybe something’s wrong with me?) After a couple of days we settled on a name that seemed to fit her that we both felt OK about (Robin), and we went with it. No regrets, no second thoughts, none of that. And while we have not always “loved” her name, she sure has. And oddly, she’s very much like a robin–loud and cheerful and optimistic.
Yes this post made me even MORE curious about the actual names of Swistle’s children.
For my own, I worried about the first’s being too popular (think number 3 in the state we reside in his birth year, it’s number 1 now). The second I worry about it being mistaken for a girl’s name even though it is very historically established as a boy’s name and there is a much more common version of a girl’s name.
For the first, we’ve only had one other boy on a baseball team with the same name and the children sharing the name actually thought it was very funny, probably because they are 5 year old boys. For the second, the pediatrician’s office nurse asked what her birthday was the very first time I called in for his two day check up and I politely said oh it’s a he and his birthday is…and have not has a single issue since then. I still worry the second will be teased about his name when he’s older but I had a completely common name and children still teased me so I don’t think a name has much to do with it.
Love this post!
I don’t think I had a single qualm about using the name Felicity, and even the one thing that I wondered about being an issue (that it happens to also have been the name of a popular TV show) has MAYBE been brought up by other people at most maybe five times in three and a half years. Even then it’s, “Oh, what a pretty name! And I used to love that TV show, did you ever see it?” No one has ever said, “Oh, you must have named her after that TV show!” And almost every single time I say her name to someone new, they exclaim, “Oh! What a BEAUTIFUL name!”
Sorry, I am a little smug over having picked a name I love so much and that gets such positive feedback. :-)
What a great post idea! I have two boys, another baby due in February, and a husband who can’t really get serious until the baby is actually HERE, so…I have many coping skills but also LOTS of time to fret about names on my own throughout pregnancy. Here are my name worries that turned out to be NOTHING:
1) Older son is Theodore, nn Theo. Neither my husband nor I care much for Ted/Teddy. So far hasn’t been an issue, as Theo LOVES Theo and we get lots of positive reinforcement on the nn. Apparently Theo is enjoying a bit of a boost in our area (Chicago).
2) Theo was a character on “The Cosby Show” when we were growing up. Not an issue at all; amusing at best.
3) Theo starts with one of the last sounds most kids learn how to make. That sound is also in our last name, and I worried about lisping or teasing. Well past that stage of talking by now, even with little brother, and it NEVER came up. He called himself “Feo” for a few months and it was adorable, and then over.
4) Leo is a bit more popular with the parent/grandparent set in our area, so sometimes we have to correct people. Not often; not a big deal.
5) Younger son is August nn Gus. Also hearing more and more Gus-ses around these days – not enough to annoy, just enough to feel uncharacteristically hip. >;)
6) Gus is considerably choppier with our last name than August is. Occasionally it bugs me, but he is SUCH a Gus that there’s nothing to be done anyway.
7) Husband didn’t really like Augie – hasn’t come up yet, won’t kill me if it does.
8) Using August knocks out some potential girl names for me if ever needed – meh; no shortage of girl names to choose from.
9) Gus repeats my first initial – minor; would possibly bug me more if Gus was a girl. Our dog’s nickname is Ginny, also a G name – but a different sound…clearly I haven’t really bothered to get worked up about this until just now. ;)
10) Only teensy regret that I have is that I wonder how Gus will want to handle initial/monogramm-y things in the future. So far, I use A for his Xmas stocking pin and such…wonder if he will be drawn more to G. This truly didn’t occur to me until AFTER I’d talked my husband into his name. I suppose in the future I would prefer names and nicknames to have the same starting letter…but seeing as my husband is a Robert who sometimes goes by Bob or Bobby, this clearly isn’t a traumatizing or insurmountable obstacle.
I’m a big time overthinker. I go crazy planning my kids names but I’m happy they have worked out and I’m still in love with them. This post makes me CRAZY though wanting to know Swistles baby names! Ugh!
Ahhh – Swistle’s mom, you hit it on the head! I worried about so many unnecessary things before my daughter was born…but still am haunted by the “Ooohhhhhhhh, is that a family name?” No, but her top ten middle name is a family name, thank you very much. And I thought I picked an unfamiliar yet easy to pronounce and spell in many languages name…
On another note, Swistle – please share your kiddo’s names!
I currently have two kids: Elijah and Felicity. Before Elijah was born I had been fully confident in his name. Elijah had been a front runner on many of my lists of favorite names before I even met my husband. When we started discussing names he said he had always liked the name Elijah and that was that. Justin wanted to pass down his middle name Michael so that was that. I think I tried out a few other ideas throughout my pregnancy just to be sure I wasn’t jumping the gun but I was thoroughly in love with Elijah’s name. Once I realized how MANY Elijah’s there were I was less than thrilled with his name’s popularity but it has not been that big of a deal.
When I was pregnant with Felicity on the other hand I was filled with all sorts of trepidation. Justin wanted her have my middle name (Elizabeth) and I wanted her to have a middle name that special to her as opposed to the same one shared by her mother, her grandmother, her two aunts on my side, and it seemed a quarter of the female population. Then my grandfather died shortly before the family was going to be flying back to Wisconsin for his 90th birthday. We went for his memorial service instead. His middle name was Louis because his mother had wanted to name him Louise (had he been a girl) after her mother who had died when she was an infant. Incidentally, my MIL’s middle name is Louise and so we decided to give our little girl her two grandmother’s middle names: Elizabeth and Louise. When we announced we were planning on naming our daughter Felicity we got a lot of mixed feedback. The most common reaction was “oh, that’s pretty/unusual, so what are you going to call her?” More than a few people mentioned having loved the TV show (which I was not familiar with at the time), others remembered the American girl doll. A couple of people asked if it was a family name. The only issues I really wrestled with were the length in syllables of her first name, the similar cadence of her first and first middle name (Felicity Elizabeth), and the questionable connection to this TV show I knew nothing about. After Felicity was born I watched the TV show and was relieved the character seemed to be fun and outgoing. I stopped worrying about the huge length of her name and now when people ask about it I just say that yes, it is a big name for a little girl but that she will grow into it. I still primarily call her Felicity but she also goes by Lissy, Lisity, Sisity, Fliss, and TT depending on whose talking to her. She is only a year and a half but I still think her full name fits her best. Besides, it’s kind of fun to call out her full name when she starts misbehaving.
We named our son Tully. And I hated the attention I got at first. People asked ALL THE TIME where I found the name, if he was a boy or girl. “Isn’t that unusual?” “Oh, I thought it was a girl’s name.” We got the look people give before they use self control to smile and tell you it’s lovely. It really scared me off using rare or ‘feminine’ names in the future. But now that he’s 5, I love it all the more, and no one ever, ever asks. It’s like there’s a ‘cooling off period’ where people can ask all kinds of things, where their name is everything about them, and then they become so much more than the name and it doesn’t matter anymore.
We named our son Miles. It was my idea, and my husband heard it, loved it, and that was that. My only worry was that since my husband is really big into cars that we’d get tons of teasing and people would think we named our son after his hobby. As it turns out, only one person has ever remarked on it.
We had nothing but angst in choosing our children’s names! Well, that’s not entirely true – our son was fairly easy to name but our daughter took months and months and MANY lists to name.