Abbey writes:

My husband and I never see eye-to-eye on baby names. I always knew I wanted Hudson, so that one was a given from our first date. We picked his middle name, Dean, as an homage to Dean Martin, a favorite singer of both my husband and his father. My husband also initially suggested Miles, but then he moved on to other favorite names, and I wanted Miles, so it was “my pick” again. His middle name, Taylor, is in honor of Taylor, Michigan, where my husband grew up.

So now, we are finally having a baby girl, and this may very well be our last baby! We are completely gridlocked, since we both feel like we have The Perfect Name. I’m desperate for some input, and maybe, more suggestions, since we’re stuck and this is getting really stressful and emotional. We’ve been working our way down the Social Security list and trying to add names, but it’s hard.

My husband suggested years ago that if we had a girl, we should name her Nico, and at first, I must say, I adored it. We both love The Velvet Underground, and it seemed like such a cool, unique, strong name. I mentioned it to a friend recently, and she said it was a “total rock star” name. Her middle name would be June, in honor of my maternal grandmother, who passed away 2 years before I was born. I thought that gave it a nice feminine touch, and would allow her to use the more feminine June as a first name if she decided that Nico was too much to deal with it.

Sadly, I am now really concerned about using Nico. It has started to sound more like a weird name than a strong, cool name to me: Nico Zebraitis. I mean, how much are people really going to call her Nico June? I don’t want her to be a Nicky or a Nic, either. I already have to spell my surname for strangers all the time, and I think she’d be constantly spelling and explaining Nico, too. It also reminds me of nicotine and rhymes with geek-o, freak-o…you get the picture. Another friend remarked that it made her picture a vacationing with a swarthy man named Nico on a Greek island. I am just having a hard time even liking it anymore, much less loving it, but hubs is so smitten with it, I feel like it will be so hard for him not to use it.

A few weeks ago, I loved Juniper, and I still do, but hubs doesn’t. And I have to admit, Juniper Zebraitis is also a pretty tough name, weird even. I began to think that what I want for my daughter is a name that’s simple but unusual, that everyone will immediately recognize and know how to spell, but that isn’t currently in popular use as a first name, something uber-feminine, soft, and classic. Suddenly, I realized that she was trying to tell me what her name was all along, (see, I’m obviously emotional and smitten with my name choice, gah!), ever since I came home from taking the pregnancy test at the doctor’s on my birthday, and played The Decemberists’ “June Hymn” over and over on the way home. We should name her June. And we could give her the first names of the 3 of our grandmothers who meant the most to us: June Estelle Liudvika Zebraitis. June is a popular middle name choice, but not for first names at all.  

Liudvika was my husband’s grandmother, who raised him, and he would have used this as a first name choice. His name is Vitas, and he has no problem using the “Boy Named Sue” approach to a challenging name makes you stronger. I looked into variants: Lulu (too babyish to use for a lifetime?), Louisa, but couldn’t see anything great. Frankly, I think it‘s a harsh-sounding name, and would be fine with just doing June Estelle Zebraitis, but that doesn’t seem fair to my husband. We could do June Liudvika Estelle, but the syllable pattern of 1-2-3-3 sounds much better to me than 1-3-2-3. Or, we could do, June Liudvika Zebraitis, but then I feel like all she’s really got to work with is June, and all the other names are just harsh and not very pretty.

Other names on our list:

Brooksley (after economist Brooksley Born, but since no one would likely get this, it then sounds like Kaylee or something to me, so I don’t like it for that reason)

Brooke

Dylan 

Ava (too popular, though, so no)

Arden (i kind of don’t like that it sounds like “harden”, though)

Madison

Stella (my grandmother went by Stella, we could do Stella June Liudvika, but I like my first choice far better)

Please help us!

Currently the name Nico is used much more often for boys than for girls in the United States: the Social Security Administration reports 522 new baby boys and 35 new baby girls named Nico in 2011. It seems like a cute choice for a girl if I say it again and again, a name like Mia or Nicki. But if I saw it on a piece of paper, or in a sibling group with a Hudson and a Miles, I’d assume Nico was a boy—not like, “I wonder if that’s a boy or a girl? More likely a boy,” but rather in the same way I’d assume Hudson and Miles were boys. There is nothing inherently wrong with choosing a more-often-used-for-boys name for a girl or vice versa, but I think of it as the kind of choice that needs extra thought.

It’s hard to know what to advise here. I can throw my full support behind the idea of June with grandmother middle names, which seems perfect to me—but I can’t picture that endorsement making your husband think, “Oh! Well, okay then, I’m happy with the name June!” Even if we had a poll and we ALL voted for June (and of course not all of us would), you two are the only real voters.

It would be best if we could find a way to make a better offer, more like a compromise that lets your husband keep his choice without forcing you to use it as the first name—something like using Nico as the middle name, or using Nico as a nickname: June to Junie to Nico? It’s not traditional or intuitive, but these are desperate times.

I’m afraid that what usually happens in cases where each parent has committed to a favorite the other parent can’t agree to is that both parents have to drop their choices and find something new: for most of us, it’s too hard to go through the heartbreak of giving up a favorite name AND then agree to the other parent’s favorite. If it does come down to starting from scratch, you’ll need to both make sure you’re not thinking of the task as “Finding a name I like better than Nico/June,” but instead as “Finding a name we can agree on from all the names that remain.”

One possibility for compromise is the name Annika. It lacks the simplicity of June, but it’s more feminine and flexible than Nico, and A.Z. are very cute initials. And it certainly has room for the nickname Niko or Nika; your husband could call her that exclusively, if he liked. Annika June is lovely.

Veronica and Danica could work the same way.

Or Cleo has some of the sound of Nico, while being more feminine.

Juno may be too associated with movies and goddesses, but it’s like a hybrid of June and Nico.

S. writes:

I came across your blog a couple of months ago and have loved reading your ideas and opinions on baby names. We are due to have our first baby girl the end of October! We currently have 3 boys which we love and adore, but are thrilled to be adding some PINK to our bunch. We are having one crazy time with choosing a name that will be just right.

Our boys’ names are Lincoln Judd, Grant Perry, and Eli Daren. Their first names are names we liked and their middle names are family names. Our last name sounds like mild, but starts with a W. We would like this baby’s name to “go with” her brothers.

Had this baby been another boy we would have likely named him Jude Jacobs, Jonah Jacobs, or Noah Jacobs. But since we’ve found out that this baby is a girl, we have not been able to settle on names that we both love.

We like very gender specific names that are recognizable, but not too commonly used. We’re not too much into the nicknames and generally like the given name to be what they are called, although that’s not a deal breaker. With this baby my husband and I seem to have very different likes! I would love to have an outside neutral opinion to help sort my thoughts of what sounds good and not…here are some of the names one or both of us are considering…

– Gwen – I like it, but not sure if I want to repeat an initial…would it be too different of a sound with Grant and we’d end up calling him Gwant?! Does Gwen sound right with our last name?

– Claire – I like it, but worry that it’s getting too popular

– Kate – I like it as a name by itself…I don’t like the possibility of her being called Katie

– Evie (Ee-vee)…possibly Evelyn as the given name – This is my husband’s favorite. I worry that Evie can’t be a given name and that Evie is too similar sounding to Eli.

– Celeste – I like it but don’t know that it really goes with the boys’ names

– Phoebe – I love this! My husband does not.

– Naomi – I love this! My husband does not. There’s a negative association with this name for him.

– Olivia – I like it but don’t like that there is a famous actor/model with the same name (first and last)

The rest of these names one or both of us like…we’re just not so sure…
– Charlotte
– Adalyn
– Marlee
– Lilah
– Layla
– Lydia

Most likely the middle name, if there were one, would be Lyn or Elizabeth…again family names.

Please share your thoughts and advise. Baby Girl is due in just a few weeks and I feel like we’re ready, except for a name! I’d love to hear what you think…or any other names that you think might “go with” our other children’s names.

Many, many thanks!!!

It looks to me as if your list is nearly wiped out: there’s a good reason not to use every name on the list except Celeste. It can be easy in a situation like this to keep going around in circles.

What I’d do in your shoes is brainstorm a fresh list based on your current list. For example, you like Olivia and Naomi, so you could look for other names with strong O sounds such as Sophia, Fiona, Chloe, Carolina, Rose. Or Naomi might make me think of Miriam, because they’re both biblical and have similar sounds, or it might make me think of Ruth.

The new list might or might not be of names for actual consideration (if Claire is too popular, Chloe and Sophia likely are too; if you worry about avoiding Katie, you might worry about avoiding Rosie too), but more to freshen things up and maybe lead to new ideas and a new list (“Hm, I don’t much like Bronwyn or Wynne with the surname, but those remind me of Bridget and Brenna!”).

Gwen and Evie make me think of Genevieve. It still repeats an initial, but I don’t think you’ll confuse the two names.

Or if you want the nickname Evie, I might go straight to Eve—though Eve and Eli do seem too similar to me, as Evie and Eli do. (Lilah and Layla, too.)

Claire makes me think of Clara, Cora, Carys, Laurel, Meredith, Nora, Rose.

Gwen makes me think of Wren, Wynne, Rowan, Winifred, Bronwyn, Elowen, Brynn, Zoe, Gwyneth.

Kate makes me think of Lane, Jane, June, Faith, Hazel, Jade, Maeve, Paige, Tate, Faye, Grey.

Evie makes me think of Neve, Vivienne, Liana, Eleni.

Phoebe makes me think of Penelope, Chloe, Cleo, Fiona, Sophia, Beatrix, Philippa, Josephine, Daphne.

Naomi makes me think of Noelle, Miriam, Ruth, Nadia, Esther, Leah, Claudia, Delaney, Rose, Fiona, Romilly, Romy, Mina, Mira.

Olivia makes me think Livianna, Fiona, Sophia, Chloe, Felicity, Victoria, Violet, Vivienne, Genevieve, Silvia, Orianna, Evelina.

Or else I’d go with Celeste. I think it’s great with your surname and with the sibling names.

Katie writes:

I came across your blog in my seemingly never-ending search for the perfect name for our baby girl due in November.  This is our first baby and we are so excited, but can’t seem to come up with a name that we both love.  About us: his name is Daxx k (yes, middle name is just the letter, lower case); mine is Katherine Elaine (I go by Katie) – needless to say, his parents were a bit more adventurous than mine!  Our last name rhymes with Perry, and starts with T.  If we have a son in the future his name is likely to be Daxx Turner – Turner is my dad’s middle name, and that is what we will probably call him, to avoid confusion and because we both love the name Turner for a little boy.

We want Baby Girl to have a name that is a little different, not too common, and we don’t want her to share it with a lot of girls her age.  My husband would love it if her name had a double letter in it (like Daxx, Kenn – his dad, and Lleyton – our nephew.)  Names we’ve come up with:

Elizabeth Kate (we would want to call her Eli Kate, but I worry that Eli is too boyish), love Kate as a middle name since my mom and I are both Katherine, I’m not sold on Elizabeth as it is SO popular, but I also love the nickname options and that she would still have a classic name

Paisley Grace – we worry that Paisley is becoming too popular/don’t love the idea of naming our baby after a fabric

Ellodie Claire –  I loved the name Ellodie, but after referring to her as that for a few weeks, it doesn’t feel right, and I hate that every time I tell someone “Ellodie” they say “Like Melody without the M?”

Reagan – like it, but worry about it with our last name, seeming like she has 2 last names/people being confused about which is her first name vs. last name

Riley – he loves this, but I’m not sold

Hadley – I love Hadley, or even Hadlee (to incorporate a double letter), but worry it’s getting popular

Vivienne – I like Vivienne a lot, but I’m just not sure about it

Everly – i love, but every time I say it, he says “Like Beverly?”

Any help or direction would be greatly appreciated :)

Thanks so much!

Let’s start by looking at the current commonness of each name on the list, according to the Social Security Administration:

Elizabeth: #11 in 2011, and has been hovering right around there for decades

Paisley: #195 in 2011, coming up rapidly from its first appearance in the Top 1000 in 2006

Ellodie/Elodie: not in the Top 1000

Reagan: #122 in 2011, rising slowly now after some rapid rising in the 1990s

Riley/Rylee/Rylie/Ryleigh: hard to figure out the popularity because of many spellings; the spelling Riley was #47 in 2011 for girls, and #111 for boys. Because it’s popular for both girls and boys, this increases the possibility of another Riley (girl or boy) in her class.

Hadley/Hadlee/Hadleigh: rising fairly quickly; the most popular spelling is Hadley at #178

Vivienne: #383 in 2011; it’s only been in the Top 1000 for three years

Everly: not in the Top 1000, but likely to get there next year; the #1000 name for girls was used 250 times, and Everly was used 222 times, and Everleigh was used 147 times

I think Eli would be a hard sell as a nickname for Elizabeth: it isn’t a familiar nickname for it, and the letters are the same but the emphasis and sounds are not—“EE-lie” vs. “eh-LIH.” It might work if you used Eliza, nickname Eli—though it would still be an unexpected nickname.

If you like Elizabeth, Ellodie, and Everly, I suggest Ellis. It has a double letter, it works with Kate and with Daxx. (I’d also mention Ellery, but I’m not sure it works with the surname.)

A similar suggestion is Hollis.

Similar in sound to Paisley is Hazel.

Similar to Riley: Kiley and Briley—or you could spell them Kylee and Brylee to get the double letter.

Similar to Reagan: Morgan, Teagan/Teegan.

Similar to Vivienne: Vienna.

More double-letter possibilities:

Annalise
Arabella
Braelynn
Brinlee
Brylee
Calla
Calliope
Camilla
Clarissa
Emlynn
Evelynn
Fallon
Gemma
Greer
Kaelynn
Karenna
Keelin
Keely
Kennedy
Lennox
Linnea
Mckenna
Noelle
Padgett (might be too much T with surname)
Quinn
Reese
Romilly
Savannah
Scarlett (might be too much T with suname)
Sienna
Stella
Willa
Willow
Wynne

C. writes:

Our baby boy is due next week and we are starting to panic as we don’t have any names we are certain on.  If he had been a girl, we would have had a lot to choose from that we both loved including: Lilliana, Eloise, Charlotte (Lottie), Blythe, and Josephine.

Our surname is a two syllable name that ends in ‘son’, and unfortunately this cuts out a lot of great boys names.  For example, my husband’s second favourite boys name is Harrison.  We would prefer to steer away from any names that end in ‘son’ or ‘vowel-n’

My husband’s favourite boys name is Jack however we know a couple, and our friends just named their baby boy Jackson.  We have been calling the ‘bump’ Jack just for fun from very early on, thinking that we couldn’t really use the name officially, but there is a very slim chance that we may end up feeling that it just has to stick, however we would have to have a difficult conversation with our friends.

My favourite boys name is Tate, however my husband isn’t thrilled with it.  Other names I would consider are Maxwell and Rafferty, but once again, my husband isn’t enamoured with them.  Ezekiel is another consideration, but not sure if it sounds too unique and Biblical (we are Christian though).

There is a Clyde in the family tree and although we don’t particularly love the name, we are looking for something similar that is strong, traditional, but not overly common.  I have been a kindergarten teacher for 14 years and this experience has tended to limit some of the great names we also may have considered.

Would love to hear your advice!

If Harrison is out because of the -son, would the name Harris work? A similar name is Davis.

If you end up feeling you must call him Jack, I wonder if it would work more smoothly with your friends if you named him John with the nicknam Jack?

More like Tate and Jack:

Cade
Clark
Clay
Dane
Finn
Gage
Grant
Luke
Max
Reid

There’s been a bit of a trend for biblical names, and that’s helped bring a number of names into much easier use: instead of sounding like Bible Extreme, a name like Ezekiel just sounds pleasingly and quirkily biblical—more like a name with ancient roots. To tone it down, you could use Ezra—but then you lose the nickname Zeke. Or you could use Isaac with the nicknames Zac or Ike.

Some boy names similar to the girl names on your list (which may in some cases rule out the later use of the girl names): Joseph, Charlie, Elliot, Louis.

Because you have some very different styles on your list, it may help narrow things down to consider future sibling names, if you think you might have more children. A Jack and an Ezekiel don’t coordinate as well as, say, a Jack and a Finn, or a Malachi and an Ezekiel. Consider, too, how the names from your girl list coordinate with your finalists.

K. writes:

Our first daughter, Julia, was a name I had always loved when I was younger and I liked that my husband’s grandfather’s name was Julius, as well. She was the first great-grandchild on his side so it’s kind of special.

My original dilemma was that we wanted to use her middle name as a name for our second child, but I know you recommend against this.  We had been tossing around other names, but none of them felt quite right for us.

Then, last week, my Aunt Charlotte passed away suddenly.  She was my mom’s only sister and Charlotte was also their mother’s name.  I had briefly considered this name beforehand, but wasn’t sure if it was too formal for us or if it had become too trendy recently. Now I feel very strongly about incorporating Charlotte into the name if we have a girl. It’s almost as if it were meant to be.  Also, this might sound strange, but my Aunt Charlotte’s birthday was the day after my grandmother’s.  It just so happens that my c-section is scheduled for the day after my birthday as well. (Coincidence or a sign?) That being said, the date is quickly approaching and we still haven’t finalized anything.  I know that my mom would be honored if we used Charlotte as a middle name, but is it too soon to use it as a first name?  When I indirectly asked my mom about it, she said that it was a very strong name and that her mother and sister were the only two Charlottes she’d ever known… She assumed I might use it as a middle name and suggested Reese Charlotte.

My question is, what are some other first names that would go well with Charlotte and would also sound nice with big sister Julia?

Or should we just take a chance and try to use Charlotte as the first name?  I’m guessing it would sound best with something short, but need some ideas.

Just for reference, our boy name would be Cole Matthew-  My father and grandfather are Nicholas and my husband is Matthew.  Also, our last name is Winkler.

Some of the other names we discussed in the past, but don’t necessarily go with Charlotte are:

Stella

Delaney

Madeline (My husband only liked as a middle name, but he doesn’t like that Maddy sounds too close to his name.)

Grace (Although this is a beautiful name, it has a negative association with someone in his family so I’d rather not use it if we could find something better.)

Thanks so much for your help, Swistle.

I don’t think it is ever too soon to use an honor name. …Well, as soon as I write something like that, I start thinking of examples where it might be. But in general, I think it is very touching to use the name of someone who died during your pregnancy, and I don’t get any “too soon” feelings at all. The opposite, in fact—like it’s MORE wonderful to use the name sooner.

It sounds from your letter as if your mom might be reacting not to the soonness/appropriateness but to her perception of the name as unusual. It’s common for the grandparent generation to feel that that current parent generation is choosing names that are kind of weird or old-fashioned: my own mom confessed to having mixed feelings about the name Henry, since it seems old-mannish to her (though she said she was sure she’d love it on an actual grandchild). For them, it’s probably close to the way we feel about names like Carol and Judy.

But if your mom’s impression of the name comes from only knowing two Charlottes (both older ladies), that’s likely to change soon: the name was the 27th most popular name for baby girls in 2011, according to the Social Security Administration, and I wouldn’t be surprised to see it in the Top 10. The current perception is of vintage sweetness as well as strength.

And it sounds as if the timing is wonderful for this baby: not only does it give you a new name for your list, it’s a name with the same sort of family meaning as your first child’s name. And it’s lovely and perfect with the name Julia: Julia and Charlotte! Wonderful.

You’re right: I do generally advise against using one child’s middle name as another child’s first name. (More discussion on this topic in this post.) I also think the name Reese is a bit of a style mismatch with a sister named Julia. Julia is classic, ancient; Reese is unisex, modern, surnamey. But if you wouldn’t mind continuing the theme for any future girls, Charlotte could have the same middle name as Julia: Charlotte Reese is very nice.

If you’d rather use Charlotte as the middle name, we could look for a first name that SOUNDS a little like Reese. Elise, for example. Elise Charlotte; Julia and Elise.

Or Rose. It has some of the feeling of the name Grace, but less common and without the negative family association. Rose Charlotte is so pretty, and Julia and Rose are so nice together.

Aubrey and Audrey are both nice with Charlotte and with Julia: Aubrey Charlotte, Audrey Charlotte. Aubrey has the additional upside of having the nickname Bree, which may remind you of the way you feel about the name Reese—while still giving her a longer form that goes well in style with the name Julia.

Delaney and Reese make me think of Sadie. Sadie Charlotte; Julia and Sadie.

Stella Charlotte is nice, or Ella Charlotte lightens it a bit.

Oh, or Anna Charlotte! So pretty! Julia and Anna.

Or Lydia Charlotte, Julia and Lydia.

Or Noelle Charlotte, Julia and Noelle.

Charlotte is visually long, but is only two syllables. I think you could go long on a first name: a name like Delaney Charlotte has only one more syllable than the name Julia Reese. Or Annalise Charlotte has the “ees” sound of Reese.

If you would like to go more with the style of Reese, I suggest the name Lane. Lane Charlotte; Julia and Lane.

Jessica writes:

My husband and I are expecting a baby girl in less than 3 months, and we are having a very difficult time in deciding on an appropriate name for future brother Stanton (who is 3 years old). Stanton is a family name, and we believe it to be an old English name rich in tradition and strength. What girl’s name would be a suitable match for such a strong name?

Our last name is Czajkowski (pronounced Cha-cow-ski) and I wonder if I should just ignore the flow of a name with this long last name. We have gone through so many girl’s names at this point such as…

Alexis
Paige
laine
Lauren
Caroline
Greer
Adelaide
Bronwen
Jane

The following names are on our current list, but we welcome more ideas…

Colette
Alexandra
Catherine
Kendall
Constance
Jacqueline
Brooke
Sloane
Victoria

The middle name will be London, which is another family name. My husband’s favorite is Catherine London but is this name too popular? I don’t want our child to be one of many in a classroom.

I welcome any advice and direction please. I look forward to reading all comments!

Her husband writes:

My wife emailed you concerning the birth of our child in November. I wanted to email you via her email account so that you would know that we are emailing you concerning the same issue. However this email, this is from the male perspective.

My son’s name is Stanton Czajkowski (pronounced Cha-cow-ski) and we are expecting a sibling of unknown sex this November. We love traditional yet uncommon names yet are having a difficult time with this baby’s name. If it is a boy we have decided on Reid. We love the strength and tradition with this name, yet it almost feels slightly preppy which is fine. Unfortunately coming up with a middle name has been difficult. We have discussed the following names but rejected them as we just couldn’t agree:

Rejected names:
Maxwell
Joseph
Sebastian
Alexander (already taken)
Spencer
William
Matthew
Anderson
Jennings
Christopher

Potential middle names:
Walker
Patrick

I would think we would need a 3-4 syllable middle name to work with Stanton Benedict Czajkowski’s name. Am I correct on this.? Should the names flow? What truly flows with Reid Czajkowsk?

As for girls, this decision has been the absolute worst for us. What names would be a suitable match for Stanton yet not very common. We love how unique yet traditional the name Stanton is but we can’t seem to find this with a girl’s name. We have discussed the following names (plus many more , I must admit):

Rejected names:
Charlotte (too common)
Alexandra(too common)
Constance ( hate the nickname Connie)
Jacqueline (difficult to say with our last name)
Victoria (nice but common)
Arden ( only my wife likes this one)
Sloane (two s names might be difficult)
Kendall
Elizabeth (name has been taken)

Accepted names:
Catherine
Brooke
Ann London

If we didn’t go with Ann London as a first name, the child’s middle name would be London. My wife is hesitant to use Catherine (nickname could be Kit) because she thinks it is too common. Is this true? I realize that it is timeless, but I don’t want our daughter to be one of many in a classroom. What other suggestions might you have that would be a good sibling match for Stanton? No one seems to have heard of the name Stanton ( a family name) so I get blank stares when I ask this question.

Thank you for listening to the male perspective in our situation. I look forward to your response, as we could certainly use your help!

and

My wife just informed me that she wrote in her email that we were having a girl. I should clarify this, as we do not know the sex of the baby. She feels that it will be a girl and continues to focus on the girls name as it continues to be a debate between us. As for the baby being a boy, this is completely possible so we continue to discuss a middle name for Reid.

I apologize for any confusion, but she truly feels this baby will be a girl. I , however, strongly feel we should be prepared either way.

Constance is my favorite. You don’t need to use the nickname Connie: there is a Constance in my family who goes by Consie. The name Constance has enough backbone to stand with Stanton, and it meets your preference for traditional yet unusual. My one hesitation is whether it is too tongue-tangley with the surname. Constance Cha-cow-ski.

The name Catherine is not currently at “many in a classroom” levels of popularity. According to the Social Security Administration, in 2011 there were 7,397 new baby girls named Katherine, Catherine, and Kathryn. That translates to .3852% of baby girls born that year—or about 1 baby girl with that name out of every 260 baby girls. If a classroom has an average of 15 girls, there will be an average of 1 girl named Katharine/Catherine/Kathryn per 17 classrooms. Statistics can’t tell us the whole story (name popularity varies by region, and flukes happen constantly), but they can help us assess the risk. The risk of two Catherines in a classroom is very low. Catherine London Czajkowski seems like a great choice to me, and works well with both Stanton and with a possible future Reid.

Many of the other names on your lists also seem like good choices. Adelaide, Bronwen, Sloane, and Ann London stand out to me. But if your only concern with Catherine is its popularity, that’s my first choice of all the possibilities.

I don’t think you need to match Reid’s entire first/middle to Stanton’s, though I agree it’s nice if it works out that way, and that I too would be aiming for something similar in overall weight and length.

What was it that led you to the middle name Benedict? Was it a family name, or were you looking for a saint name, or was it something else? Here are some possibilities to consider:

Abelard
Aloysius
Archibald
Augustus
Bartholomew
Beauregard
Cornelius
Ferdinand
Frederick
Gulliver
Leonardo
Montgomery
Sterling
Sullivan
Sylvester
Theodore
Xavier

If nothing seems right, I suggest tearing up the family tree looking for a good family name/surname (especially from Jessica’s side, if the children already have their father’s surname), so that each boy has one.

Julia writes:

We are expecting # 2 in September.

Our son is Frank Michael…our last name is two syllables with the first being “Mall”.

We like strong traditional names for boys–nothing too popular or trending.

Names we like are–but open to anything not on this list!
Wesley James
Lewis James
Maxwell James
Samuel James
Daniel James
Jude Wesley
I do like Max–worried it is too popular now.  Also want to make sure the nickname sounds good with Frank. 
I also love the nickname Bobby, but do not like Robert or Bob.

For our girl name, my middle name is Mae and my husband’s is Lee..so we want to name her “Maelee” and use my grandmother’s name for her middle–Maelee Lucille.

We don’t like weird, made us names, generally, but think this has a nice classic almost southern sound.  Does the 3-“e” spelling bother you?  Another thought is Mikela Mae–also open to spelling recommendations.  We want to keep it traditional.

Thanks!!!

and

Hi, writing again because I’m due in 3 weeks and we’ve narrowed our list…
Our son is Frank Michael our last name is two syllable starting with M, similar to Mallsmith.

Our boy list is down to
Frederick James “Freddie”
Maxwell James

I love Freddie, but fear it’s too similar/matchy with Frank.

Our girl name is Maelee Lucille…a combo of my husband’s and my middle names.  Want to make sure it’s not too odd, and the spelling isn’t too bizarre.

We like classic, strong names that are not too common (my fear with max).  Frank is not a junior…we just like that it was a simple, strong name.

Thanks!!

Neither Maelee nor Mikela meets your preference for traditional names, but I don’t think it’s as important for the boy names and girl names in a family to match styles.

To me Maelee seems modern/invented rather than classic, but not odd or bizarre; it fits well with current names such as Miley and Braylee and Bailey and Haley. A double-name spelling like Mae Lee would nudge it more in the classic/traditional direction, though it might change the pronunciation, depending on how you’re pronouncing Maelee—are you saying it to rhyme with Haley (MAY-lee), or are you saying it more like Mae Lee already (equal emphasis on the two syllables)?

Another option would be to use Mae as the middle name if the baby is a girl, and Lee as the middle name if the baby is a boy.

Either Mae or Lee would make a good first name and a good sibling name for a Frank, but I’m not sure either name works well with the surname.

Frank and Fred do seem too similar to me, but not to the point of ruling it out if you love it.

Maxwell seems more popular/trending than your preferences, but I think Frank and Max is a great pairing. Since Frank is a nickname name, I might go straight for Max. Does either Max or Maxwell work well with the surname? They seem like they might tangle the tongue a bit. Sam/Samuel and Daniel, too, seem like they might not go well with the surname; M and L sounds seem to sometimes create some issues. (This also seems like it might be an issue with Maelee Mallsmith.)

For a boy, I like Lewis from your list (I prefer the Louis spelling, with the nickname Lou), and Wesley. Other possibilities:

Clark
Davis
George
Grant
Harris
James
Joel (might have L issues with surname)
John
Joseph/Joe
Karl (might have L issues with surname)
Nate
Stanley/Stan
Wade
Warren

My favorite is George. I think it goes very well in style and tone with the name Frank, and I like it with your surname. I also like James as the first name; I like both James and Jim with Frank.

Casey writes:

My husband and I are expecting our second child, a girl, in early December. We have a two year old son named Arlo Harrison. We actually came to a consensus on our daughter’s name very quickly due to early concerns that she might have a very serious birth defect (which thankfully was later shown not to exist!) We decided on the name Matilda Kate. We very much like the name’s meaning: “mighty in battle,” and were drawn to it when it looked like she might have some early battles to overcome.

So why am I writing? We are planning to call her “Tilly,” but I have no idea the correct way to spell it, and I am very much one who likes to spell things THE correct way! I’ve looked around google to see if I could find a consensus on Tilly vs. Tillie, but have yet to find a concrete answer. My initial thinking was that “Tillie” was correct, but then I read somewhere that it had too many parallel lines, and now I wonder if that’s not the case. I don’t find that I have a strong preference for either one, and I realize that having her name misspelled is not as big of a deal as it would be if Tillie/Tilly were her given name, but I’d still love your and your reader’s thoughts on which is most commonly accepted!

Many, many thanks!

It is times like this I wish for a giant shelf of name encyclopedias. Well. I do have The Oxford Dictionary of First Names, and that is a start. It has a listing for Tilly but not for Tillie. Tillie is mentioned within the Tilly listing as a “variant.” So according to The Oxford Dictionary of First Names (the book I trust most for name origins and meanings), Tilly is the main spelling.

The Baby Name Bible lists both nicknames in the same entry, with the -ie spelling first: “Tillie, Tilly.” (This choice may be alphabetical: Abby/Abbie is also listed “Abbie, Abby.”) Then in the description, when one or the other spelling needs to be chosen, it chooses Tillie: “Tillie is cute, frilly, and sassy all at once.”

The Baby Name Wizard lists nicknames for Matilda in this order: “Tilda, Tillie, Tilly, Mattie.” In the description, when one spelling needs to be chosen, it chooses Tilly: “It’s also rising in the U.K., along with the nickname Tilly.” Under the listing for Abby, it says this: “In the 19th century, Abbie breezed along happily with names like Tillie and Mattie. Today Abby is the most common spelling…” (I include this because perhaps it indicates that the dominant ending changes with fashions.) Tillie is listed as a sister name for Lottie and Roscoe; Tilly is listed as a sister name for Maisie, Pippa, and Roxie.

Tilly is the one I would have guessed was the main one; in general, I think of the -ie ending as less standard for most names, although of course there are exceptions (Carrie, for example, or Hattie or Maggie or Elsie).

For the specific example of Tilly/Tillie, I prefer the look of Tilly—but that of course would be purely subjective. I think one reason I prefer the Tilly spelling is that -lly/-llie words seem to more often end in Y: Billy, chilly, dilly-dally, filly, frilly, hilly, Holly, Kelly, Milly, Molly, pilly, Polly, Sally, Shelly, silly, Willy. In favor of the Tillie spelling: Billie, Callie, Ellie. (Other -llie/-lly examples to add to the list?)

The Social Security Administration’s data base can’t tell us how people are spelling it when it’s a nickname, but it can tell us that in 2011, there were 51 new baby girls named Tilly and 36 named Tillie.

I think the answer here is that there is no answer: both spellings are valid, neither one is “right.” You can choose the spelling you prefer. And she will probably spell it both ways in junior high!

If it would be helpful, we can also have a poll over to the right to see what most people consider the correct spelling. [Poll closed; see results below.]

Jennifer writes:

Just discovered your wonderful site in my frantic search for the perfect name for baby #3 (due September 6, but realistically, any day now!!). This pregnancy has flown by and we’ve been putting off the naming decision until now!

So, our son’s name is Jack and our daughter’s name is Lila. Now we’re having another boy and have not fallen in love with any name. Well, I have fallen in love with one: James. BUT, it’s my husband’s name (although he goes by Jim) and he refuses to name our second son James for fear that later in life our firstborn son will grow resentful that he wasn’t given his Dad’s name. I think this is ridiculous thinking…but is he right? Can only the firstborn son carry the father’s name?

So in lieu of James, I/we like Max, Charlie, Benjamin, Bradford, I also like Graham but I feel it clashes with our surname starts with ‘Gre’ and ends sounding like ‘fay’ (similar to the sound of ‘buffet’.I hope that makes sense)…it sounds very French when  pronounced correctly (which is rarely!).  

If this were a girl, I love the names Georgie (Georgia) and Harper and Maggie…

I hope you can help! Maybe it’s hormones and fatigue but I can’t seem to make a rational decision or even think straight at this point!

Although it’s traditional for the firstborn child to be the namesake, there isn’t anything inherently more worthy or important about the first child; I suspect the only reason is so the honor name is used at the first opportunity. If there’s no reason for the children to believe that this third child would be particularly favored by his parents, I think it’s likely the children won’t much care—or if they do care, the caring could go either way: either “Why didn’t _I_ get dad’s name?” OR “Why didn’t YOU have to get dad’s name?” An honor name is a mixed gift: there aren’t any specific benefits that go along with it (the benefits are more for the one who is honored)—and there are downsides, such as not having a name all of one’s own, and dealing with any confusion that results from sharing.

One of my friends had twin boys, and they gave the father’s name to the secondborn twin, so that each boy would have something: one boy is the firstborn, and the other is the namesake. It seemed like a good idea to me, and a good source of spin for other situations.

In this case, my bigger concern would be that the names Jack and James seem very similar, especially with a father Jim. Jack and Max also seem very similar to me, though a good fit style-wise.

Charlie is my own favorite from your list. Jack and Charlie are highly compatible names, but without being too alike. Benjamin is a very close second, especially if he’ll go by Ben: Jack and Ben is a wonderful pair of brother names.

I also suggest Henry: Jack, Lila, and Henry.

Or Sam: Jack, Lila, and Sam.

I’m finding it a little challenging to find a brother name for a Jack. I think it’s because Jack is a nickname name but also considered a stand-alone choice. So it feels compatible with other nickname names (Max, Sam, Ben, Charlie), but those names are not as often used as given names. So then having, say, a Jack and a Charles, or a Jack and a Benjamin, or a Jack and a Samuel, feels as if one boy has a good nickname and the other doesn’t, or that only the nickname is the same style as Jack.

A name like Leo would be perfectly compatible with Jack—but I’m afraid it’s too close to Lila. Drew might be perfect: it’s short for Andrew but often used as given name. But I’m not sure it works well with the surname. Maybe Cole? It can be a nickname for Nicholas or Colton, but it’s also given on its own. Or Liam—but again, probably too close to Lila.

Other nickname possibilities:

Daniel/Dan
Edward/Ed/Ned/Ted
Camden/Cam
Alexander/Alex
Nicholas/Nick
William/Will

From this list, I think my favorite combination is Jack and Will. (Another post asked if “Jack and Will” would bring “Jack and Jill” to mind. I thought probably it would be a minor issue, and that it would be easy to say “Will and Jack” instead—but it’s the sort of issue I like to mention so that you can think of it beforehand rather than afterward.) I like how all three children would have four-letter names, unless that would make you feel pressured for future children. Jack, Lila, and Will.

Sasha writes:

Just saw your site and I really love the in depth name discussions. I have a situation so I thought I would ask your advice.

My husband and I are expecting a baby girl in January. The name we have chosen is Victoria, namely because it has always been my favorite name. We are both Anglophiles, we love the regal sound and I like the fact that it is not in the top ten. Our last name is Marks, so Victoria Marks has a good British feel about it, even though we live in California.

Now the other night my husband had a dream that the baby was born and looked up at him and said “Hi my name is Zoe.” He now feels that she is more of a person to him as Zoe than as Victoria. We are thinking of naming her Victoria Zoe and he has started to refer to her as Zoe.

I still want to call her Victoria, as that is the name I love in my heart, but I am also open if Zoe is indeed the better name for her. This is my first and will be my only child. So my questions are: has anyone had a name shake up and how did you feel about it afterwards, and, is it possible for a baby to “choose” her own name, so to speak, in a situation like this?

I am looking forward to your thoughts on this.

The question is not whether I believe it’s possible for a baby to choose its own name, but whether YOU believe it. Do you believe that each fetus has its own inherent name even before birth (as opposed to the name chosen according to the parents’ tastes), and that the fetus can broadcast that name telepathically into its father’s dream?

If you do believe this, then the child’s first name should be Zoe: she has specifically chosen it (or, depending on which belief we’d be going with, has come to understand that it is hers), and has specifically and clearly told you. Ignoring those wishes and giving her a name you KNEW wasn’t hers would be a serious decision.

If you instead believe that people have many dreams about their babies-to-be, and that those dreams are dreams rather than prophesies or truth-revealing communications, then you can continue to do what parents generally do, which is to choose the name themselves.

My own dream experience has not been one of truths revealed. During my pregnancies I sometimes dreamed a baby boy was a boy, and sometimes dreamed he was a girl. Sometimes I dreamed he was born way too early, or that he was something other than a baby, or that he died, or that I gave birth to him at home, or that he was blonde, or that I wasn’t pregnant at all. Sometimes the dreams happened to correspond to reality, and most of the time they didn’t.

So in your shoes, I would see a husband’s dream as a fun story that we might want to incorporate into the naming process if we happened to agree on the name anyway. I’d go with your plan: sticking with your original agreed-upon name choice rather than dramatically switching styles, and using the dream name as a fun middle name as well as a nickname for her daddy to call her. Victoria Zoe Marks is a wonderful name, and Z. is a very fun initial, and the naming story is a highly enjoyable one.